Tonks' Tale
by Kuri333
Summary: On the life of one Metamorphmagus called Nymphadora Tonks. Canon.
1. 1979 She was sulking in her room

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, except for a couple of OC coming later and a pair of All Stars that won't be featured in this story.**

**I'm not planning on writing about every day in Tonks' life, just episodes of it, corresponding to important moments of her life.**

* * *

_Summer 1979._

She was sulking. In her room. Because she was grounded. Because she had a tantrum, a big one. And she had made that thing she wasn't allowed to make. But it was not fair! They could forbid her to do it all they wanted, it was not as if she could control it!

And now she had to stay in her room, by herself, while everybody was downstairs having fun.

Her hair was fire red and she could feel that funny prickling under her skin. It came every time she was angry. And if she had to tell the truth, she was angry a lot lately.

From downstairs came the loud sound of her favourite cousin's laughter. That only made her sit furiously on her bed, legs and arms crossed.

_This isn't __fair!_

A moment later, there was the sound of heavy steps coming up the stairs. It was probably Mummy, coming in to tell her off again. Well, she wasn't going to listen. Life was very unfair and she was very angry and no one was taking her seriously.

Someone knocked her door. That was odd. Mummy never knocked, her mother would just enter, even though she _hated _being interrupted like that.

"What?" she snapped at the closed door.

"Open up!"

Her heart gave a funny jump, but she wasn't going to give up that easily. She was stubborn.

"Go away!" she screamed to her favourite cousin.

"Come on, Nymphadora!" there was a hint of amusement in her cousin's voice. The fact that he used that awful name did nothing to improve her temper.

"Don't. Call. Me. THAT!"

The windows of the small room, covered with Muggle stickers, the balloon-shaped lamp and the many action figures on the shelf on the wall started trembling. She scowled but realized _this _wasn't going to help her situation.

_Calm down_, she heard a voice in her head that very much resembled Mummy's.

It was easier to say it than to do it. It took her a lot of concentration and many deep breaths, just as Mum had told her; finally she managed it: the small figures on the shelf were quiet again, and the windows did not tremble any more.

The person outside must have heard the rattling too, for a long moment no sound came from the other side of the door. She thought maybe the person had gone, but after a long silence he spoke.

"Can I come in now?"

Her heart gave a funny jolt but she did not want her emotion to show.

"If you _must,_" she said with all the contempt an six-year-old could muster.

The door opened and her favourite cousin came in, grinning at her.

"Hello there!"

"Wotcher," she said with a flat voice, still frowning.

He sat beside her on the bed and put his arm around her tiny shoulders.

"I like it when your hair is red," he said, taking a lock in his fingers. "But I think pink makes you look so much prettier."

She chuckled, she could not help herself.

"Really?"

"Yup. Sirius-ly."

She chuckled again.

"You have a really cool name, Sirius."

"Nah, is not such a great thing."

"Yeah, it is, you can joke with your name!" She looked at him, eyes sparkling.

"You could joke with yours too," he said.

"I couldn't," she frowned again. "Not the sort of jokes I like anyways. People make fun at it, that's what happens! It's the ugliest name ever. Ever and ever!"

Sirius sat her on his knees.

"Are you going to tell me what's the story with your name?"

She looked at him, her jaw locked. Despite the red hair, that gesture made her look so much like her mother and himself. Even though he seemed to be taking her seriously, Nymphadora could tell he was about to grin and he was fighting not to.

"I won't use it anymore."

"You won't use it any more," he said thoughtfully. "And now, what should I call you?"

The girl reflected in silence.

"How about Miranda?" she finally asked.

"Miranda? Ugh, no! It's sissy!"

"It's not!"

"It's too!"

"It's not!"

"It's too!" Sirius said. "Besides, you don't look like _Miranda_ at all."

She remained quiet for yet a longer moment, concentrating hard.

"Ringo, then," she prompted.

"You want to be named after one of the Beatles?" he said with a bark-like laugh. "Do you know Ringo is a man's name?"

The girl chuckled, she could not help it. Sirius' laugh was always so contagious.

"It's nice…" she added defensively.

"Maybe, but not on you."

"Then-"

"Then," Sirius interrupted her, "why don't you think of doing _something _with the name you already have?"

"But I don't like it!"

"I know you don't, but I'm afraid you'll have to live with it. You will be Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks always. It would be better if you try to work something out of those names."

She looked at his cousin, deep in thought and frowning slightly. Her hair changed slowly from red to deep blue and started curling in the tips.

"Would you call me Tonks?" she asked in a whisper.

"Tonks?"

"Yeah!" she started babbling really fast. "Dad's friends call him that, and I think it sounds so cool, and my name is Tonks too, so I might be called like that, right? Like sometimes people call you Black, people could call me Tonks, right?"

She looked at him wide-eyed, waiting for the verdict.

"Right..." Sirius said slowly, raising one eyebrow.

"Right, then!" her smile was broad and her hair was turning pink now. "From now on, I want everybody to call me Tonks. Miss Tonks!"

Sirius looked at her, laughing softly.

"Sounds fair enough to me, Miss Tonks."

She gave a small cry of glee. "I like how it sounds when you say it." Then, as an afterthought, she asked, "can I ride with you on your motorcycle, then?"

Sirius rolled her eyes at her.

"Your mum said you can't and you better stop trying to make me take you without her knowing it!"

"Pleeeeease?"

"No."

She frowned at him, arms crossed. He chuckled.

"I wanted to ask you something, by the way."

"What?" she snapped.

"Have you always been able to Stun your dad?"

She looked at him, he was trying to sound serious, but she could see a smile badly hidden on the corners of his mouth.

"Stun?"

"Stun, that thing you did that made him pass out."

"Oh." She felt herself blush. "I can make it for a while now. But I don't know how. When I am angry at them and they try to calm me down I just… don't know. They can't come near me. Mummy gets really angry when I do it, and she tells me I have to control myself."

That was the reason she was grounded. She had wanted to go with Sirius on his motorcycle and her mum had said no. She had been so angry she'd done that thing,_ Stun_, and her dad had been knocked out. So, she had been sent to her room. She was sure he would be all right, he always was, but still...

"She is right, you know", Sirius said, pulling her now long and pink hair playfully.

"I know." Mum was not angry with her often and usually they had a lot of fun together. But sometimes… sometimes Tonks wished she was older so she could do all the stuff older people did.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Sirius said after a moment.

"Sure!"

"I can Stun people too," he winked at her.

"Really?" she looked at him in admiration; she knew her cousin was the coolest ever.

"Yup. But I use my wand. And you know what? When you grow up, and get yours, and get to school, you will learn to do it properly."

"Like, on purpose?"

"Yes. But you will have to use it carefully, you know."

"Yeah, I know," she said smugly, "only on bad people, right?"

"Exactly."

"And when I grow up would you let me ride your motorcycle?" she asked with an impish smile.

Sirius gave a deep mocking sigh.

"All right, all right!"

"Bangin'!" she cried.

"Now, would you come with me downstairs? It is really boring without you."

"I'm grounded" she said, frowning again.

"You're not."

"Am too!"

"Nope." Sirius winked at her again. "I talked to your mum, your punishment is over."

She jumped and hugged her favourite cousin.

"You're the best, Sirius."

"I know, Miss Tonks."

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**AN: I want to thank my amazing betas PottedLilies and my brother. She's not only precise and patient with my grammar catastrophes, she's also the fastest beta in this part of the galaxy. My bro on the other hand, was my first beta ever and Atticus is all his.**

**_After more than a year of writing this fic, I'm planing on check on every chapter, add a few things, take out some others, maybe make some of them longer. Thanks a lot for your support. Cheers!_  
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	2. 1981 She was not supposed to

_Autumn__ 1981_

She was not supposed to be eavesdropping but she could not care less. Intently listening to the muffled voices coming from the kitchen, she was sitting on one of the bottom steps of the staircase, wearing her nightdress and hugging her knees.

Tonks was not sure what had woken her up. Suddenly she had realised she was lying awake, looking at the ceiling of her bedroom. She had been having a fantastic dream, in which she was riding a flying motorcycle on her own and wind was rushing all around her. And then, she was wide awake.

A sound coming from downstairs had made her sit on her bed. It had been a soft sob... was somebody crying down there?

Very carefully she had opened her bedroom door, and climbed down the stairs, trying hard not to trip with anything ant not to make any unnecessary noises. By some stroke of luck, she had not made any or maybe, if she had, nobody had noticed.

An now, she was listening to Mum and Dad's conversation.

It was Mummy who was sobbing. Tonks had never hear her do that. It had been her cry that had drawn her out of her room and brought her down to investigate.

Dad was murmuring something, in the same soft voice he used when she was angry or sad. He was trying to calm her mother down.

"It is impossible!" she yelled in exasperation. "Not Sirius, not the Potters! He wouldn't do anything to anybody, least of all, to _them_!"

Tonks felt a knot forming somewhere in her throat. _Sirius?_

"I know, 'Dromeda, but there are witnesses. A street full of Muggles saw him being corned by Pettigrew…"

"There must be a mistake-" Mum's voice died in another sob. "It doesn't make any sense! He is his friend! Their kid's godfather, for Merlin's sake!" a sob interrupted her cries, and then she added in a much softer voice, "He couldn't have done... I always thought he was… he was one of _us_," she almost whispered.

"Me too," Daddy said, with a tired voice. "How on earth would anybody have thought...? He always seemed all right to me."

"He was more than all right!" Mum cried again. "He was… is… a decent man. There _must _be a mistake. There must be!"

Dad murmured something Tonks couldn't hear.

"We have to think of something. Some defence on the trial… I could speak to somebody at the ministry so they listen to his story and..."

"There won't be a trial," Dad said, almost whispering. There was the sound of parchment being shuffled. "See? Barty Crouch's on charge. No trial."

The kitchen went silent.

It was with a very hoarse voice that Andromeda finally spoke.

"They are going to send him to Azkaban," her voice started to raise, "based only on the testimony of Muggle witnesses? And without a trial?"

Tonks couldn't stand it any more. Even though she was risking to by sent to her room, even if she would not get any answers, something bad had happened to her cousin Sirius. And even though she was learning a lot from her eavesdropping, she wanted to ask her own questions and get some answers.

She stood up and tripped on the last two stairs, but she managed to climb down. The creaking of the kitchen door made her parents look up. Mummy was crying as if she was a little girl, her face white with big puffy red eyes. Dad was pale and had a hand on her shoulder. With the other one, he was clutching a copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

"'Dora," he said.

"What happened?" she asked looking at Mum.

"Nothing, honey," he started.

"Don't tell me nothing. Something happened, and it's grave, and it has to do with Sirius. I wanna know!" she stomped her foot impatiently. She was not going to get that "nothing, honey" rubbish when it was so obvious something was terribly wrong.

Mummy looked at her and opened her arms. Tonks ran at her and sat on her lap.

"Is Sirius all right?" she asked with a whisper.

"No, honey, he's not all right," Mum finally said after a long while, rocking her softly as if she was a little girl. She did not mind, though.

"What happened?" she whispered, and she felt as if something icy was slithering down her spine. Something very unpleasant.

It seemed it was something really difficult to explain. Mummy was there, silent, thinking.

"Sirius… It seems that Sirius did something very, very bad," she finally said.

"Did he Stun someone on purpose?" Tonks asked, remembering their last conversation.

"Something like that, yes." she replied.

"Is he in trouble?"

"Yes. He is. And he won't be coming home for a while."

"He will go to Azkaban," Tonks said, "you said it before."

"You've been eavesdropping, huh?" Dad asked with a sad smile.

"You were loud," she replied defensively, looking at him with fiery eyes. "Will he go then? To prison?"

"Yes, Nymphadora, he will," her mother aid quiet. She looked up at her, new tears were running down her cheeks.

"Did he kill anybody?"

Mum did not say a thing; Dad opened his mouth but he closed it again. Tonks realised she did not want to know. Not really.

"How long is he going to prison?" she was almost too afraid to ask.

"We don't know just yet. A while."

"A year?"

"Longer, possibly."

"But what if it's a mistake?" she asked vehemently. "What if someone else did it and they are blaming him? What if he's innocent?"

Mum looked at her with tired eyes and gave a deep sigh.

It was Dad though, the one who answered.

"People saw him. They say he did it."

"But what if-?"

"Listen to me, honey." Mummy shifted her in her lap, so they were face-to-face. Tonks couldn't help herself and started crying quietly. "Sirius won't be coming in a very long time, so it would be best for you to try to forget about him, all right?"

Forget about Sirius? How could her mother ask her to do that? He was her favourite cousin!

"I won't!"

Her mum sighed softly and wiped the tears off her cheeks with her thumbs.

"You will have to, honey. We all will have to."

She looked at Mum frowning. She was looking at her gravely, and Tonks felt that, for the first time in her life, she was being asked to do something important. Grown up stuff.

"He won't be allowed to say goodbye to us, would he?" she finally whispered.

"No, 'Dora, he won't." Dad ruffled her hair and she realised it was mousy-brown and bushy. For a moment she though Sirius would have mocked her if he had seen her this way.

"Could we go to visit him, then?"

"No, honey," Mum hugged her tightly and both of them starting sobbing. "They don't allow visitors in that place."

For a moment there, she imagined he would open the kitchen door and enter, unannounced, like he often did. As if all of this had been noting but a joke, like the ones he used to make. The tears of Mum falling on the top of her head made her realise that was just silly. Her cousin Sirius would not come back.

"I'll miss him," she finally whispered.

"I know, Nymphadora, we all will."


	3. 1984 Has it arrived yet?

_Summer 1984._

"Has it arrived yet?"

Andromeda Tonks rolled her eyes at her daughter.

"No, Dora, it hasn't," she said, exhaustion ringing in every word.

"Are you sure?" the girl looked at her mother suspiciously.

"Of course I'm sure. Don't you think I'd notice the arrival of an owl?"

Nymphadora Tonks sat at the breakfast table and started attacking a stack of toast in front of her.

"Maybe you missed it, maybe it arrived when you were doing something…"

"No, honey, I would have noticed anyway."

"But-"

"That's enough, Nymphadora!" Mum's patience was finally over. "We've been through this every day for the entire summer."

_Yeah right, easy for you to say!_ Tonks thought angrily and scowled at her toast. And the thought that lately hunted her at night, before going to bed, came again. _What if the letter doesn't come? What if I'm not accepted?_

Her mother seemed to see through her.

"The letter _will _arrive, honey," she said in a much kinder voice, "you just have to be patient."

"But what if I'm not accepted?" she asked in a whisper. "What if they decide I'm not good enough?"

She saw her mother smiling at her.

"You are good enough. You are more than that, and you will get your letter."

But they were now in the middle of the summer and nothing could stopped her worrying. She had taken to wandering the house these days, walking from one room to the next or settling on a couch for hours at a time, and that was very strange for someone who used to spend a lot of time outside, climbing trees and chasing garden gnomes. Now it was different; she just wanted to be there the moment that wretched owl arrived.

Meanwhile she had developed a reading habit, much to her mother's disconcert since she had never been a bookish person. It had started when one of her indoor wanderings made her look at their parents very small library. The title of a book found there sounded quite interesting: _Metamorphmagi, Shape-shifters and Other Freaks._ Her mum had told her that it had been a gift from… - at that point she had stuttered a bit and continued - _somebody_, after Tonks was born.

She knew who that "somebody" was, someone whose name, like that person's chief's, was not to be mentioned. At least not at the Tonks'. She never knew exactly what Sirius had done to end up in Azkaban. Her parents had not told her at the time and now she was not that curious any more. The fact was, she was afraid of finding out; eventually, she had stopped asking and almost stopped thinking about her cousin at all as well.

But there was that book. She had known for a while that what she could do with her body had a name: she was a Metamorphmagus. In fact, it was the first question she remembered asking her dad: _Why does my hair changes colours and nobody else's does?_ She had been thrilled to find out she would be able to change her shape at will when she grew up and learned to control it.

But then again, she was not a patient person, so she had started to read about it morphing and shifting her shape, to study, to practice. After all, she did not require a wand to morph so there was no need to wait for that wretched letter to do _this_ kind of magic.

Lying on the couch, with her short legs on the armrest, she opened a new book her dad had given her just last week, _Morph Away, M'boy!_ and continued reading on bone shifting. It sounded really difficult, especially because the key seemed to be to stay focus on the desired shape, something that she was not very good at. She still had some problems with keeping the colour of her hair whenever her mood changed and she hated it. It was an absolute give-away when she was planning on doing something that her mum would not approve.

She raised a finger in front of her eyes and, screwing them up in concentration, tried to focus on making it bigger. It was really hard. _Come on! Grow already!_ Her hand was shaking, a funny prickling was running up and down her finger, just like the one she felt whenever her hair changed colours, and she could feel blood pumping in her temple. Almost there… almost… she could feel it...

"Dora?" her mum called.

_Oh bugger!_

"What?" she screamed, annoyed by being interrupted.

There was a moment of silence.

"You have mail."

She felt a small jolt around her fingernail and, amazed, saw her small finger grow in front of her eyes. But she did not have time for _that_ now so - with an index twice its normal length - she tripped on the leg of the couch, on the carpet and on the door threshold, and she finally managed to run into the kitchen.

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**A/N: Thanks a heap to my wonderful beta PottedLilies! And to my new amazing beta Naina15!**


	4. Would you stop bouncing, Nymphadora?

_Autumn 1984_

She'd never seen this quantity of wizards and witches outside Diagon Alley. Platform 9¾ was full of students and parents, trunks and cages, steam and general chaos and she was enjoying finally being part of it.

"Would you stop bouncing, Nymphadora?"

For once she did not care that her mum was telling her off, or even that she had used her first name. No, this was too good a day for that. With her dad's help, she heaved her trunk into one of the carriages and went to the platform again, to say her goodbyes.

"Write us as soon as you can, sweetheart," said her mum, giving her a hug.

"Have fun," supplied her dad, hugging her as well.

"And behave," her mum added.

"G'luck, Dora!"

She almost didn't hear that last bit, for she was already strolling down the corridor of the carriage, full of students calling their friends. She had to find herself a compartment and she wished she had arrived a bit earlier because they all seemed to be full.

There was one almost empty, with only a very small blond girl sitting very straight on the sit nearest the window and waving to someone on the platform, even though the train had started gaining momentum and the crowd was nothing but a blur in the distance.

Taking a deep breath, Tonks opened the door of the compartment.

"Wotcher, can I sit here?"

The other girl looked slightly surprised and shrugged. Tonks entered resolutely and with enormous effort managed to heave her trunk onto the luggage rack. Then she sat in front the girl.

"I'm Tonks"

The girl looked at her for a moment. "Melissa," she said.

Tonks was a little taken aback by the coldness of this girl and was starting to think it would be a long trip if she was going to be stuck with such a quiet person.

"Er… is this your first time? I mean, your first year?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes," the girl didn't look at her this time but continued with her gaze fixed on the window.

"Oh, mine as well".

Melissa did not answer and Tonks started feeling really out of place. What if everybody in Hogwarts would be like this?

"Er… do you like going? To Hogwarts?" she tried again.

"Of course I do, what kind of question is that?"

"I… uhm…"

"And besides, what is it with your hair?", the girl looked at her with contempt. Tonks tried to remember which colour was her hair today and seeing she couldn't recall it, she took one of her plaits… what was wrong with deep red? "And what kind of name is Tonks?" Melissa continued.

"What's wrong with my hair? Or my name?" Tonks was not sure if she was hurt or angry, and decided anger suited her better. What was the matter with this girl?

"Both are ridiculous." Melissa said as if that settled the matter, and looked out the window again.

Tonks sat back, stunned by the harshness of the other girl.

It took her a moment to recover from it. _Ridiculous, huh? Well, she wasn't going to stay there and feel insulted. _

Without as much as a look back, she stood up and leaved the compartment. She was going to find somebody else she could talk too, or pace the corridor, or go pester the conductor, or whatever. She was not going to get stuck with such an annoying person on what was supposed to be the most amazing day of her life.

The next compartment was full of elder boys and in the next one a handful of giggling girls were bending over a magazine one of them was holding. In the next one, though, there were three boys sitting on the floor, playing Exploding Snap. That was more like it. She slide the door of that compartment open and thinking that it could not get worse than her previous experience, she smiled at them.

"Wotcher!"

"Hullo," said one of the boys. He was red-haired, had a lot of freckles, and, more important, was smiling at her. "Who are you?"

"I'm Tonks. Can I play with you?"

"Do you play Exploding Snap?" asked other boy, he was skinny and pale.

"'Course."

"Alright then," said the first boy. "I'm Charlie, by the way. And these are Mitch and… sorry, I forgot your name again."

"Atticus," said the third boy, grinning. He was smaller than the other two and had spiky blond hair pointing in every direction. Tonks thought it would be nice to try that style with her own hair.

Tonks smiled and sat between Atticus and Charlie.

"You first year?" he asked Tonks.

"Yup, and you?"

"Yes, we all are. Do you know what house are you going to be sorted into?"

Tonks felt a very unpleasant weight on her stomach.

"Should I know?" she asked the room at large.

"Nah!" said Mitch. "No one does."

"But you could get a hint," Charlie continued, "everybody in my family is a Gryffindor, my mum and dad, and my older brother, so I'm going to be one, right?"

"Maybe," said Atticus, "but you never know. My mum is a Muggle and my dad went to Hufflepuff."

"Mine were both Gryffindor," said Mitch.

"What about you, Tonks?" Atticus asked.

"Well… my mum was a Slytherin… and dad was a Ravenclaw. And… I knew someone who was a Gryffindor, but I don't want to be like him. So, I don't know." She had not thought about it in a while, but she suddenly remembered a conversation she'd had with Sirius once. He had told her back then that being a Gryffindor was the best she could wish for.

"Who was he?"

"Nobody," she said dismissively.

The three boys were gaping at her. She started to feel self-conscious.

"What?" she finally asked.

"Your… your hair," Atticus said, pointing at it.

"What about it?" she snapped angrily. _What was it with people and her hair anyway? _Taking one of her plaits she saw it was looking just the same as she had mere minutes ago. The only difference is it was green now.

"It changed colour," said Charlie.

"Yeah, I know," she asked. Then she realised. "I can do it on purpose, but sometimes it just happens without me realizing it. I'm a Metamorphmagus."

"A what?" Mitch asked.

"A Me-ta-morph-ma-gus. I can change my aspect whenever I want to… at least, I will be able to, once I learn how to control it."

"Really?" Charlie said, smiling broadly. "Wicked!"

"I know, I really like being one." Tonks beamed at him.

"And how do you become a Metamorph-thingy?" Atticus asked.

"Dunno. I guess you are born like this. Mum says my hair has changed colours since the day I was born."

"Brilliant!" said Atticus. "Can you change your hair again?"

Tonks was suddenly very nervous. She screwed her eyes, she had to get it right now.

"Wicked!" Charlie repeated.

"Pink?" asked Atticus.

"Yeah, it's a colour like any other," she answered defensively.

They looked at her in silence for a while.

"So, are we playing?" Mitch said, grabbing the cards and shuffling them.

"Yeah," Atticus said.

Taking a glimpse at her reflection in the window and checking how pink her hair was, Tonks smiled to herself and concentrated on the game.


	5. The excitement seemed to be wearing off

The sheer excitement she had had on the Platform 9¾ and then in the Hogwarts Express on her way to the castle, seemed to be wearing off by now. As she waited outside the Great hall for Professor McGonagall to come back, she was plainly nervous.

"What did she mean by "sorting ceremony"?" she asked Mitch in a whisper.

He shrugged.

"My brother Bill says it's like a test," said Charlie.

"Do they ask you questions?" asked Atticus, panic in his voice.

"I don't know…"

They hear a scoff behind their backs. Melissa, the blond girl Tonks had met earlier in the train was looking at them with the same contemptuous smirk she had had on her before.

"Do you have a problem?" Charlie asked.

"No, it's just, _everybody_ knows about the sorting."

"Oh yeah?" said Tonks. "What about you-?"

She couldn't continue, Mitch nudged her hard in the ribs and she turned to see Professor McGonagall's stern face looking down at her. She didn't say a word but Tonks could feel the telling off coming from her.

"Follow me, please," she said, walking briskly into the Great Hall.

It was a fantastic view. For a moment Tonks forgot about being nervous and the sorting. She was just overwhelmed with everything around her, the candles, floating in mid air, the enchanted ceiling showing a tranquil cloudless night, the sea of students in black robes, the high table with the teachers, the hanging banners of the four Houses on the wall, the ghosts drifting between the tables. She wished she could stand still for a while so she could take it in properly.

Suddenly they came into a halt and she walked right into Charlie's back.

"Watch it!" he whispered.

"Sorry."

In front of them there was a tree legged stool and a very old pointed hat, all patched and dirty. Everybody in the Great Hall went silent and Tonks realised they were looking intently at the had. Suddenly, a rip near the brim of the hat opened and it started to sing. It was a song about the four houses and, despite her nervousness, she paid close attention.

Gryffindors were supposed to be courageous and brave, Ravenclaws were witty and, according to the hat's song, value cleverness more than anything, Slytherins were cunning and ready to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. Thinking about her mother, Tonks thought that was just right. Finally Hufflepuff were said to be tenacious and loyal.

She could not decide what she wanted to be, had she a word in it. Not Gryffindor, that was for sure, even though she thought that being brave was a good thing, she did not want to go to the same house that had produced someone like her cousin.

Tonks could not continue with that train of thought for the hat had finished its song and was silent and immobile on the stool, looking just as old and battered as before. McGonagall stood in front of them again, with a long scroll of parchment.

"Now, when I call your names, you will sit on the stool and put the hat on your head. Ambrosius, Melissa."

The blond girl from the train looked startled and started walking very slowly to the stool. Tonks was pleased to see that she was looking rather green in the face.

"Slytherin!" cried the hat, and there was a loud cheer coming from one of the tables and McGonagall indicated Melissa to sit there.

"You just have to put on the hat?" asked Mitch, "is that it?"

"'Suppose so…" said Charlie in a hushed voice.

"Bletchley, Lilica" called McGonagall.

A small dark haired girl raised her head and walked determinately to the stool to put on the hat.

"Hufflepuff!"

There was a round of applause coming from the table at the other end of the Hall and Lilica Bletchley walked over and sat down.

"Blott, Derek"

The hat took some more time before it screamed "Gryffindor!"

"Brown, Lisa"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Carter, Mitch"

He looked even more skinny and pale as he climbed to the stool. The hat was very quick this time. "Gryffindor".

Mitch smiled at Tonks, Atticus and Charlie, giving them the thumbs up, and sprinted towards the Gryffindor table.

After a few more names, McGonagall called "Liddell, Atticus" and the boy near Tonks gave a small jump. He looked subdued pale and the blond spikes seemed somehow diminished, but he walked to the stool looking resolute.

It took the hat just a moment before it screamed: "Hufflepuff!"

Atticus smiled and when he passed them, he winked at Tonks. Charlie murmured in her ear "That's too bad!"

Tonks was not interested anymore, she was starting to feel even more nervous if that was possible. She wanted it to be her turn already and she was mentally cursing her dad for not having a nice last name that started with an A, like Aalto, for instance. It was most-

"Tonks, Nymphadora"

_Oh, shoot, she didn't say that, did she?_

Charlie snorted and murmured "Nymphadora?". She decided to ignored him this time and, straightening her shoulders, she took the hat, put it on and sat on the stool. The hat was bigger than she expected and it covered her eyes and almost her nose too, so she couldn't see what was going on around her.

The small voice in her ear almost made her scream.

"And what do we have hear? Hmm, you are brave, yes, and tenacious. Brains not bad either, a loyalty that is bond to prove itself in the future… I wonder… where should I put you? You're a tricky one, that's for sure."

Tonks could feel a chill running down her spine. What if the hat decided she was not fit for any of the houses?

"That is not going to happen," said the voice in her ear. "You're a good one alright. But tricky. I'd say you'll make a fine… Hufflepuff!"

The last word was said out loud and Tonks felt her body relax. She stood up so quickly that the stool fell over and she had to turn around and put it in place again. Some of the people sitting on the tables were laughing.

Feeling very red in the face, she walked quietly to the Hufflepuff table.

"Brilliant!" said Atticus.

She beamed at him.

"I'm glad it's over," she said. "That hat took an awful long time to make up its mind."

"I know," he replied. "Hey, your hair is yellow now!"

"You mean blond?"

"Nope, Hufflepuff yellow!" Atticus said with glee.

Tonks took one of her plaits. Indeed it was an unnatural yellow but she liked it all the same. The colour of her house, she thought proudly.

There were just two boys left to be sorted.

"Weasley, Charlie."

It took the hat a fraction of a second before crying "Gryffindor!" and Charlie went to reunite with Mitch.

"I would have liked those two to be in my house," Atticus said gloomily.

"Yeah, me too," Tonks answered, while "Yates, William" was sorted into Ravenclaw. "But it's not like we won't see them again, right?" she continued brightly.

"Right."


	6. Her first morning at school

Her first morning at school had been amazing. Tonks was almost overwhelmed at the amount of new things around her, from the Hufflepuff common room in the basements to the Towers, the entire Castle seemed to be a stage ready for adventures.

Her first ever lesson had been Herbology, with Professor Sprout, who were also Head of Hufflepuff House. She seemed to be a rather blunt woman, and Tonks liked her right away. The subject though, did not seem to be as interesting as she would have thought. After all, they were just talking about plants, right?

Then they had Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. Right from the queue outside the classroom she knew this was going to be a class she would enjoy, when a well aimed of parchment hit her in the back of the head and she turned around to see Charlie and Mitch beaming at her and Atticus.

"Wotcher! Are you having Transfiguration as well?"

"Yup," Mitch nodded with a sneer, "at least we get to have one class together, eh Nymphadora?"

_Shoot!_ Tonks thought furiously. _Why on earth did McGonagall have to say her name during the sorting. She had to end this now, before the entire school started calling her that._

"What did you call me?" she asked coldly, approaching him.

"Nymphadora," Mitch said slowly.

"Isn't that your name?" asked Charlie with a mocking grimace.

"Don't call me that."

"Oh, come on, Nymphadora"

Tonks had drawn her wand and then, realising she didn't know what to do with it in the first place, she threw it to Atticus and grabbed Mitch's collar.

"I'm warning you, Mitch. Both of you," she added with a glance at Charlie, "don't call me that."

There was now a small crowd of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors looking at them. She knew she had to make an example of the situation and this might just be her only chance.

"It's not like it's an ugly name, Nymphad-"

_That's enough!_

Tonks let go Mitch's collar and rising her right fist she directed it into his very surprised left eye.

"Ouch!"

"Don't. Call. Me. That. Never. Again."

"Detention, Miss Tonks," a very stern voice sounded from behind her.

_Shoot!_

She turned around slowly to face a very serious-looking Professor McGonagall, towering in front of her, her lips a very thin line and her eyes bright with anger.

"Five points from Hufflepuff," there was an audible grunt from all her fellow House members. McGonagall continued, "You are to come to my office this afternoon at six. And I don't want to see you punching a fellow student, again. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, Professor," she said meekly.

"Into the classroom, all of you," McGonagall said. Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors hurried into taking their sits.

She risked a glance at Mitch. He was looking flabbergasted, but was smirking at her in a bemused way. Tonks smiled back, tentatively.

'_I am not to punch fellow students the Muggle way, even if they call me Nymphadora'_ she wrote for the 99th time. Just one more… _'I am not…_'

She'd never hated her name more than in this moment, doing her very first detention with McGonagall, it was not only ugly and ridiculous, it was awfully long to write a hundredth times! What was her fool of a mother thinking when she named her that?

"I've finished, Professor."

McGonagall reached for the parchment and took an uninterested look at the untidy handwriting.

"You may go then, Tonks, and I hope you've learned your lesson."

"Yes, Professor," _I am not to punch fellow students the Muggle way in front of teachers_, she added to herself.

Stuffing her quill hastily in her bag, she darted outside the classroom. She had to find Mitch.

There was no need to look for him, though. Tonks came into an abrupt halt right outside the door, for the very boy she was planning to find was standing there, displaying a black eye and accompanied by Charlie and Atticus. Tonks couldn't help the pride she felt at the sight of her handiwork… if only she would not feel guilty about it as well.

"How was detention?" Atticus asked, a bit of concern in his voice.

"Terrible, I had to write lines!"

"That's not so bad," said Charlie.

"Oh, yes it is, when it's your stupid name you have to write a hundred times."

Charlie flinched and Atticus mouthed quietly "Nym-pha-do-ra" counting the letters with her fingers.

"Yeah," Tonks supplied looking at him, "it's not only hideous but absurdly long!"

"I don't think it's hideous," murmured Mitch under his breath. "I'm sorry I teased you about it."

Tonks faced him, feeling her face going red.

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have punched you."

"S'ok," he said, "I guess I deserved it. Not that I'm enjoying the way the other Gryffindors are making fun of me, but I guess that will pass. I wander why the matron didn't want to erase the black bruise, though. She said it would do me good to have it…"

"Sorry," Tonks repeated.

"Nah," said Mitch.

"Hey," Atticus interrupted, "it's getting late and we have to be back in the common room."

"Yeah, one detention in the first day at school is bad enough, eh?" said Charlie.

"Right," Tonks looked at the both Gryffindors. "See you tomorrow, then."

"Absolutely," Mitch called before sprinting in the direction of the towers.


	7. 1986 I was sure you were a loser

_Autumn, 1986 - 3rd Year_

"You know, _Nymphadora_, I was sure you were a loser from the first time I saw you. But now, after finding out about your family… Could anybody be more disappointing than you?" Melissa was looking at her with as much contempt as she could muster.

The girls at her side started giggling at Tonks.

She and Atticus had been sitting on a Stone bench in the courtyard, enjoying one of the last warms days of autumn and waiting for Mitch and Charlie to join them. Even though they were not in the same houses, they often spent their free time together.

The small gang of Slytherin girls that had been giggling on the opposite corner of the courtyard had approached them just moments after they had arrived, apparently with no other intention than provoke them.

"Shut up, Ambrosius!" Atticus growled, rising from the bench.

"Aw, her little _boyfriend_ is defending her, isn't this sweet?" jeered Desdemona.

"Shut it," said Tonks, standing up as well, her previously blue hair turning deep red. "What do you mean about my family?" she spat at Melissa.

"Oh, but you surely know what I'm talking about," she said with a mocking air of innocence "Such a noble line of purebloods… of curse, that was true until you came along, right?"

"What _the devil_ are you talking about?" Tonks asked. _Her family being pureblood? Come off it! Her dad was a Muggleborn, wasn't he?_

"She doesn't know!" Melissa gleefully told the other girls.

"Well, I am afraid we are not the ones to tell you, Nymphy, you'll have to find out on your own. Such a shame of a family really." Suzanne ended, patting her condescendingly on the cheek.

"You shut it about my family!" Tonks drew her wand.

"Tonks, don't. It's not worth it." Atticus grabbed her right arm and her wand, pointing it to one of the walls of the courtyard just in case.

"Aw, isn't this cute?" Melissa said. "You two are reall-"

But what they really were, no one could find out, for Tonks had freed herself from Atticus' grip, launched herself forward with all her might, and gave Melissa a punch in the eye. She stumbled and fell into the ground. Tonks probably would have fallen as well, but Atticus took hold of her just in time.

"Ouch! Freak!" Melissa spat at her.

"Stop talking about my family and I may spare your other eye," Tonks said fiercely.

"You filthy-"

"Hey, what's going on?" a boy's voice boomed from behind Tonks.

Bill Weasley materialized out of nowhere. He had an uncommon ability for spotting mischief, which made him so good a Prefect.

Seeing Tonks' fiery red hair he gave an audible sigh.

"Somehow I guessed you'd be around," he told her in a would-be weary voice, but Tonks knew better. He wasn't likely to give her detention, but his presence meant she would not have the chance to give anybody any more black eyes. Are least, not for _now_.

"She attacked me!" Melissa accused, standing on her feet with the help of her two friends.

Bill looked at the bloodshot eye she was displaying and the forming black shadow underneath it. Tonks could tell he was fighting hard to keep himself from laughing.

"You go to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey will sort you out," he said to the Slytherin girl. Then he added to her friends, "you two, go with her."

"She has to be punished," Desdemona whined jerking her head in Tonks' direction.

"No, she doesn't," said Atticus, "you all were insulting her."

"Telling the truth is not an insult-" Suzanne started.

"Enough!" Bill exclaimed. "If she gets punished or not is none of your business. Move along now."

The three girls retreated, murmuring in a very audible way things that sounded like "She's his brother's friend," "unfair," and "darn Gryffindor Prefect".

When he was sure that the girls were out of earshot, Bill chuckled and then composed a serious expression.

"Tonks?" he asked.

"Bill?" she answered, looking directly at his eyes.

"Did you punch her?"

"Yup!"

"With your fist?"

"Yup!"

"Why?"

"'Cause she's a bloody disgr-"

"I don't want to know what do you think she is, I want to know what she did to you," he cut across what he knew would be a long flow of verbal abuse.

"Oh… well, she insulted me and my family. She said I was disappointing and something about a long line of purebloods I didn't understand," Tonks told him promptly. "And Suzanne called me "Nymphy"… I should have punched her as well," she added thoughtfully.

Atticus was starting to laugh madly at the exchange, supporting himself on the bench.

"Tonks!"

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry Bill, I won't do it again… and if I do it, I'll be sure you're not around." She smiled impishly at the bigger boy.

"Tonks!"

"Kidding, kidding," she said hastily. "But you have to agree with me, Bill, that one of the downsides of being a Prefect is that you're not allowed to hex Slytherins anymore, eh?"

"Nymphadora!"

"Alright, I got it, Billy boy, you're serious about it. And don't call me _that_."

"Darn right I'm serious," he said, trying to sound every bit as severe as he could. "And don't call me Billy boy either."

"Ok… I'll save that one for the Quidditch pitch."

Bill snorted. "I suggest you keep your mouth shut on the pitch and focus instead on trying to put that Quaffle through the hoops. I would _hate_ to flatten your team again the way we did last season."

Tonks' hair seemed to turn even redder, if possible.

"You'll see, Billy boy."

"Oh, I'm looking forward to it," he said smiling. And then, adopting a stern face, he put a hand on her shoulder and added, "honestly though, Tonks, you should know better as not to be disturbed by anything those Slytherins say, right?"

"Yeah, I know… I just, lost it this time."

"It happens to the best of us," Bill said with a wink. "Just, don't "lost it" again, alright? See you around."

"Bye!" Tonks called. "Billy boy," she added in an undertone. Atticus started laughing again. Bill turned around suspiciously and Tonks put on the most innocent face she could muster. He shook his head and walked away.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks a lot to my amazing beta ****PottedLilies**** and to those kind enough to leave a review!**

**And a special mention to my amazing brother, the best friggin' critic there is!  
**


	8. What did she mean though?

"What did she mean though?" Tonks asked for what seemed like the hundredth time that afternoon.

She and Atticus had been finally joined in the courtyard by Mitch and Charlie. Both of them already knew that she had punched Melissa Ambrosius, having heard it from Bill. As a matter of fact they had approached her cheering and Charlie had given her a rather rough clap in the back and screamed, "Well done, Tonks!" She had beamed at them in response, even though her thoughts were somewhere else.

"Come off it," said Atticus tiredly. "You're not going to believe what she said, right?"

"She was just trying to provoke you," Mitch reasoned calmly.

"She sounded earnest, though, as if she knew something for a fact. Something about my family**," ** Tonks told them, worry etched on her face.

"What could that be?" asked Charlie.

"Dunno…" said Tonks, "that's what's bothering me."

_Maybe… maybe she had found out about Sirius. But that didn't make much sense with the pureblood thing._

Tonks had not told her friends she had a relative locked up in Azkaban. She was not sure how would they take it. Besides, he was not that close a relative to begin with, at least, that was what she _used_ to think whenever they discussed something that may lead her to reveal that piece of information.

This time, though, she thought she might as well spill the beans. If Melissa had found out about it - even though Tonks had no clue how could that be - her friends were bound to know sooner or later. It would be much better if she told them herself.

"You know…" she started slowly, looking at them with apprehension, "there is somebody… it's not very close, mind you, my mum's cousin or something like that…"

"What about him?" Atticus asked curiously.

"Well… he's in Azkaban."

"Really?" Charlie raised his eyebrows, looking worried. "What did he do?"

"Dunno…" said Tonks. "My mum didn't tell me at the time and then… I guess it's silly, but I didn't want to know."

"But it can't be what Melissa was talking about, right?" Charlie asked. "What does that have to do with purebloods? Unless…"

"Unless?" Tonks prompted**,** feeling uncomfortable.

"Unless he was a Death Eater," Mitch finished. "You know, one of You-Know-Who's followers."

"He was…" Tonks whispered, gauging their reactions.

The three boys were staring at her with very big terrified eyes.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. This was worse than what she had expected. "It was a long time ago, alright? And he has nothing to do with me!"

"What's his name?" Charlie asked.

"Sirius Black."

"No way! You're related to mass-murderer _Sirius Black_?!" Mitch yelled.

"Shut up, you idiot!" Atticus gave him a slap in the back of the head. "We don't want the whole school to find out now, do we?"

"Mass-murderer?" asked Tonks fearfully. She was feeling weak in the knees and went to sit down on a low wall. "Sirius Black is a…"

"That's why they locked him in Azkaban." Charlie explained gently, taking a seat beside her. "It's like a legend of sorts. A bad one, mind you. He killed a wizard and many Muggles with just one curse."

For once in her life, Tonks was speechless.

She had known all along that Sirius must have done something terrible to end up in Azkaban, but "something terrible" was much less appalling than "killing". Sirius, her once favourite cousin, had actually ended someone's life? And not only one person, many of them, according to Charlie.

"Tonks?" asked Atticus tentatively. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she said, trying to compose a smile."I'm fine."

"Your hair is all flat and brown," Mitch observed.

"Is it?" she asked, uninterested. Suddenly she stood up, struck by an idea. She had to know more. "I'll… I have to go… I, er, forgot something."

She took her bag and flung it on her shoulder, hitting Atticus in the process.

"Hey!" Charlie called after her. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"No need, thanks. See you later." And she darted into the castle.


	9. Old editions of the Prophet

"What do you want the old editions of the _Prophet_ for?" asked Madam Pince, looking at Tonks as if she was covered in jam and wanted to touch every book in the library. Even if she was a regular at the library, the librarian did not seem to get used to her ever changing hair colour and considered her a potential threat to her precious books.

"Homework. Defence Against the Dark Arts project."

Madam Pince stared at her sceptically, but obliged nonetheless.

After a moment Tonks was sitting at the darkest table in the back of the library, hidden behind big tomes of rune dictionaries. She did not want to be seen.

She remembered she had been eight years old the last time she saw Sirius, and he had been sent to Azkaban not long after. Sighing deeply she opened one enormous book , which contained late editions of the _Daily Prophet_ corresponding to the first semester of 1981.

Her dates were wrong though. She remembered then that almost at the same time Sirius had gone, she had been in the middle of the celebrations that followed the downfall of You-Know-Who. That was a date everybody knew from History of Magic, even if Professor Binns was the dullest teacher ever. Halloween 1981 was a day no one in the wizarding world was likely to forget.

_Second Semester/October 31__st_

There it was. The front page of the issue from November 1st, 1981 was almost completely covered in great black words. "DOWNFALL OF YOU-KNOW-WHO". Tonks read it quickly, skipping paragraphs at a time. That was a part of the story she knew well, how he had gone to the Potters, how he had killed James and Lily Potter, but had failed to kill their baby boy, Harry. But there was no mention of Sirius whatsoever.

The next issue, though, had the answers she was looking for. "MASS MURDER. 12 MUGGLES AND A WIZARD. SIRIUS BLACK SENT TO AZKABAN" Even though she knew what she was about to find, it took the air of her lungs.

There was a photograph of Sirius, taken probably the moment he had entered the prison. He looked like a madman, with dirty dark hair and a crazed expression, screaming to the camera. He was holding a number tag under his face, his prisoner number.

Tonks closed the volume. She could not see it, because he looked a lot like her cousin, the one who had played with her and had cheered her up. The man in this picture, though, had also killed innocents.

_I have to be brave. I have to find out._ She told herself firmly.

She pulled a fresh piece of parchment from her bag and, opening the volume again, she placed it fast over Sirius' face, so not to look at the moving photograph. She took a deep breath, and started to read.

_On the afternoon of November the 1__st__, a wizard and twelve Muggles were savagely murdered by Sirius Black on a Muggle street in London. Suspected of being in league with the recently disappeared He-who-must-not-be-named, Sirius Black was cornered by wizard Peter Pettigrew, presumably to confront him. With an enormous explosion, Back killed Pettigrew and several Muggles that were on the street on that moment._

_The Magical Law Enforcement Squad and the Auror's __Task Force__ Apparated in the scene of the crime just moments later and took Black into custody. He was sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban by Bartemius Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. _

"_Given the statement of several Muggles – whose memories had been modified later – and the evidence found at the crime scene, there will be no need for a trial. Black will serve a life sentence in Azkaban," said Crouch later that afternoon._

'_Peter Pettigrew receives the Order of Merlin, First class' (page 3)_

'_The Black Family, You-know-who's most faithful servants' (page 5)_

Tonks felt as if the air around her had thickened. She couldn't breathe properly, she couldn't keep reading. And yet, "The Black Family?", her mum's family?

How much worse could this be?

She left the parchment on the volume and closed it carefully. She needed fresh air. Whatever it was on that paper on _her_ family, she would have to deal with it later.

With a sprint, Tonks headed to the nearest girls bathroom and didn't stopped until she was facing one of the lavatories. She looked at her reflection on the mirror, her hair was mousy-brown and incredibly haggard and tangled. It reminded her of Sirius' photograph.

For a wild moment, she screwed up her eyes, trying to look for resemblances between her cousin's face and her own. No, she was not going to think about him as her cousin anymore, he was a murderer and she, Tonks, was going to forget she'd ever knew him.

Making an enormous effort, she turned her hair pink and spiky. No-one would see any trace of Sirius Black in her, she was going to make sure of that.

Walking slowly but with renewed conviction, she entered the library and resumed her place behind the runes dictionaries.

'_The Black Family, You-Know-Who's most faithful servants_

_Sirius Black (born 1960) is one of the latest descendants of the Black Family, once a prestigious ancient wizarding family, now notorious for having produced some of the most feared followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named._

_Among the known Death Eaters belonging to the Black family is Sirius' brother Regulus Black_ _(1961-1979), killed by fellow Death Eaters under unknown circumstances. Although their parents, Orion (1929-1979) and Walburga (born 1925), were not included in the ranks of You-Know-Who's followers, they had stated their allegiance to him in the first years of his attempts to gain power by making strong donations and public speeches._

_Cygnus Black (1929-1979)__**,**__ brother of Walburga, and its family are also listed as supporters of the so called Dark Lord. Her daughter, Bellatrix (born 1951), and her husband, Rodolphus_ _Lestrange (born 1950), are still at large. Narcissa (born 1955), sister of Bellatrix, and her husband Lucius Malfoy (born 1955) were known supporters as well, but have claimed they were acting under the influence if the Imperius Curse and were cleared of all charges._

The article went on that way, listing members of the "House of Black" that had taken part in several dark events even before Voldemort's times, but she could not read any more. There was a picture at the bottom of the article, displaying a large group of stern looking people. Tonks had not paid attention to it before, eager as she had been to read what that article was about, but now she was staring at it intently.

The photograph seemed to have been taken during a family reunion. She spotted Sirius immediately, even though he seemed much younger than the last time she had seen him, he was easily the most handsome of the group and seemed eager to get out of the picture. There were also two grown-up couples in the photograph, one other boy, smaller than Sirius and three older girls.

It was the girls Tonks wanted to look at. One of them was blond and slender, the other two had dark hair and were extraordinarily alike.

One of them was her mum.

And even if she was not sure of it, there was a caption.

_The Black Family: Sirius, Regulus, Orion, Walburga, Cygnus, Druella (née Rosier), Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa._

Her mother had been a Black, she had known it all along. Now she knew her mother was also Bellatrix Lestrange's sister. How could she keep something like this from her own daughter? Tonks had lived her entire life knowing her mum had had a fight with her family and that the only member she spoke to was Sirius. She had also known her mother had two sisters. But how was she supposed to make a link between Bellatrix Lestrange and Andromeda Tonks, or Black?

She kept searching the volume full of papers, scanning it for more information on her family. Then, a month's worth of editions later Tonks found another big black headline that caught her attention: "FOUR DEATH EATERS CAPTURED. CROUCH AND THE LESTRANGES SENT TO AZKABAN."

_Notorious Death Eaters Bartemius Crouch Jr., Rabastan, Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange (née Black) were captured and condemned to lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban Prison, for the charges of capturing Aurors Frank and Alice Longbottom and torturing them by means of the Cruciatus Curse. The sentence was dictated by no other than Bartemius Crouch Sr., father of one of the accused. _

_Frank and Alice Longbottom are currently at Saint Mungo's Hospital of Magical Maladies and Injuries, being treated for severe shock. Their status is yet to be confirmed although the prognosis is not good, according to Healer Lucilla Burkes._

Bellatrix Lestrange was also in Azkaban then, as well as her husband, brother-in-law, and many others. But what about the ones who got away? What about the other sister of her mother, Narcissa? She had walked free, had she not? Tonks scanned the paper back to the article on the Black Family. Yes, there it was, something about being under the Imperious Curse. What was that?

Standing up quickly and hitting her hip on the corner of the table, she went to one of the book shelves. "Curses" was the label on front of it. Tonks scanned the titles until she found what she was looking for: _The Curses Catalogue. The most complete guide to all known curses._

Running back to her table and tumbling the small mountain of dictionaries, she opened the Catalogue. _Il… Im… Impedimenta… _

_Imperius: One of the Unforgivable Curses, this spell causes the victim to be completely under the command of the caster, who can make the victim do anything the caster wishes. (See Cruciatus and Avada Kedavra)._

There was no need to go to _Avada Kedavra_, everybody knew what that one did. But Cruciatus? She scanned the pages until she found it.

_Cruciatus: One of the Unforgivable Curses, this spell causes the victim to suffer almost intolerable pain. Some victims of prolonged use of this curse have been driven insane. (See Imperius and Avada Kedavra)._

So one of her relatives, her aunt, had tortured two Aurors into insanity. The other one had killed 13 people. And there was this other fishy aunt who claimed to be innocent, but given the facts all around, Tonks had serious doubts about that claim.

She stared blankly at the photograph of the family. _Her _family.

No, that was no family of hers. She would not let them get hold of her like that, she would fight it, the same way she had fought Melissa when she insulted her family. But from now on she was not going to defend _them_, she was going to defend _others_ from them.

Tonks gathered the rune dictionaries that now covered almost the entire surface of the table and reconstructed the small barricade that kept her from view. Then, she cast a silencing charm over the volume that contained the _Prophet_ issues. Looking around to make sure no-one would notice her, she carefully cut the photograph out of the paper, leaving an empty rectangle behind which an advertisement for Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions was partially visible.

She folded the photograph and placed it in one of her school books. With some luck nobody would notice the hole for a long while.


	10. When Tonks finally left the library

When Tonks finally left the library, she realized it was very dark outside. She had less than half an hour to be in her common room before Filch started patrolling the corridors. However there was something else she had to do and she was willing to risk detention for it.

She ran as far as she could all the way up into the Owlery. It was empty. Being extremely careful not to trip on the dirt and droppings that covered the stone floor, she stood next to one of the windows. Taking a piece of parchment and a quill from her bag, she scribbled hastily:

_Mum, I know what Sirius did. I know we are related to Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy. I can't believe you kept that from me. I've read it all on old newspapers but I want to know _your_ version. - Dora._

She tied the note to a school owl's leg and let it go. She had done what she had to do.

The next morning Tonks looked anxiously at the flow of owls entering the great hall during breakfast, trying to recognise one of the school owls approaching her, or their family owl, among the sea of feathers and letters. Nothing came.

Mentally cursing her mother, she started attacking the cereal in front of her, trying to avoid everybody else's gaze.

"Are you all right?"

_Of course Atticus would notice that something was going on. _She thought somehow annoyed.

"Fine," she muttered.

"I didn't see you yesterday, after you went to the library...?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I went to bed early."

"How come?"

"Just tired."

Atticus looked at her for a long moment, as if trying to decide if he should interrogate her any further or just leave it that way.

"You're all right, then?" he finally asked.

"I'm fine, At," Tonks now raised her head from her cereal to stare at him. He did look concerned and she felt a stroke of guilt. It was not his fault anyways.

"I was just waiting for an owl..."

"That owl?" Atticus said, pointing at one last owl, flying directly at Tonks.

Smiling broadly, she raised her forearm and the bird posed on it. A tiny roll of parchment was carefully tied up in its leg. Tonks took it eagerly and tucked it her pocket. Even if she and Atticus were close friends, there were some things that she did not want to share with him at all.

He looked puzzled, but he kept quiet nonetheless.

She finished her breakfast in a hurry and without waiting for anybody she stood up and ran outside the hall.

_Where to go to have some privacy?_ she considered, looking at the flow of students climbing up the stairs to go to classes.

Hastily she entered the closest girls bathroom. Two seventh year girls were giggling at something one of them was showing the other and completely ignored Tonks, who entered a cubicle.

Andromeda Tonks' note was very brief.

_Tonight, after midnight, in the fireplace of your common room. You have to be alone. Do not talk about this with anybody. Love, Mum._

Tonks had no idea how did she manage to get through all her classes after reading her mother's note. As a matter of fact, she did not succeed in any of the tasks the teachers sent her that day. The most abysmal of her mistakes had being melting her cauldron during potions right in front of Professor Snape and spilling the contents on his robes. As a consequence she had lost Hufflepuff twenty points and had earned a week of detentions, not to mention the humiliating remarks he had made for the duration of what was left of the class.

Now it was finally the time. As a matter of fact, her mother was late.

Half an hour past midnight, Tonks sat on an empty common room, looking intently at the flames, trying to distinguish the familiar features of her mum.

Finally... was that her? A head was now clearly visible through the flames. Andromeda was smiling at her daughter but she looked concerned nonetheless.

"Mum!" she cried.

"Not so loud, Nymphadora," she hushed her. "You're going to wake up the whole castle."

"Sorry," she said.

Both of them remained silent for a moment.

"Your letter surprised me," her mother finally said. "I though you did not want to know about what happened back then."

"Well... I didn't. But then... somebody told me something. A girl, from Slytherin. She seemed to know a lot about us... about the Blacks I mean. So I hated that she knew more than I did, and I went to do some research."

"And now you have questions." Andromeda finished.

"Just one... actually." Tonks whispered.

"Yes?"

"Why are you different from them?"

Her mother looked a bit confused a bit her lip, as if struggling with ideas difficult to express.

"I haven't thought about it in a while," she said softly. "Why?... I guess you could say I was always different. From my sisters, I mean."

"How so?"

"You see, Narcissa, she was the prettiest from us three. She was so beautiful you just had to turn your head and look at her. And Bella... she was all fun when we were little, but she was also very fond of family histories and tradition, and she got quite attached to the oldest members of our family, the ones convinced that all that pure-blood rubbish was right. And she wanted to _do _something about it. She hadn't even came of age and she was already talking about blood purification in the wizarding community, it was terrible."

"And you?"

"Me?" Andromeda chuckled softly. "I was into different things: Quidditch, making friends, always joking around..."

"You?" Tonks asked incredulously.

"Yes, me. Is it so hard to believe from your old mum?"

"Yeah, it is," Tonks answered firmly.

"Anyway," her mother continued, "there were a couple of incidents involving them, especially Bella, being nasty to people I considered my friends. Muggleborns. On those occasions I had serious fights with them, and even got Howlers from my mum telling me I had to listen to my sisters. It was all rubbish!"

"And then?"

"And then, after school, I went to live on my own. I got a job and rented a small flat near Diagon Alley. And I met your dad."

Tonks smiled.

"My mum got furious. No, far worse than that. She said she didn't want to see me again... at least, that's what... what Sirius told me."

The mention of her cousin, after so many years, made her startle.

"I never took dad to my parent's house," Andromeda continued hastily, "so all I know from that on is what I heard from others. And that's it," she smiled at her daughter. "Did I answer your question?"

She nodded.

"I guess... it's a matter of choice, right?" Tonks murmured thoughtfully. "You have to choose what you want to turn into."

Andromeda beamed at her daughter.

"That is exactly what this is about, Dora."

* * *

**Updated AN: This is a new version of this chapter and it is not absurdly short any more. I never felt comfortable with writing such a short piece anyway. **

**Thanks a lot to all reviewers, the 'old' and the 'new' ones. I am glad you still like this tale.**

_AN: Again, again, and again, heaps of thanks and free Honeydukes Finest for my wonderful beta PottedLilies._

_I'd like to thank the people who took some time to leave a review: felixlee14, Tina101, So this is real life, kourtni, and shadowofnothing14... and of course PL for the last minute mistake-spotting (:_

**Cheers!**


	11. 1988 Quaffle in Hufflepuff possession

**AN: Millones de gracias, PottedLilies for a wonderful beta work! :)**

* * *

_Autumn 198__8 - __5__th__ year_

"Weasley takes the Quaffle, passes to Abbott, who passes back to Weasley. No! The Quaffle is now in Hufflepuff possession. Tonks passes to Selwyn who ducks a Bludger and passes back to Tonks. Tonks approaches the goalposts, she's aiming to score… Ouch! That was a nasty Bludger thrown at her by the Gryffindor beater Keddle… and she keeps going, she scores! 120 to 70, Hufflepuff!"

"Did you like it, Billy boy?" Tonks snorted, flashing too near Bill Weasley and catching the Quaffle from her fellow team mate, barely conscious of the flood of blood coming out of her nose and dripping into the Hufflepuff robes.

"You wish, Nymphadora!" he dived in her direction, trying to grab the ball. "Hey, you're bleeding!"

She ducked and, snorting again, threw the Quaffle to her fellow Chaser, Hammer, who caught it and streaked towards the goal posts.

"Yeah, right! Keep going Billy boy!" she sneered.

"-ducks another Bludger and scores! 130 to 70 to Hufflepuff!"

"Wait! Tonks!" Bill called after her.

Tonks, convinced that this was a trick to make her lose her focus, decided to ignore him and positioned her broom for yet another attack on Gryffindor's goal posts.

"Gryffindor captain Bill Weasley calls time out."

Tonks turned around to see Bill right behind her making signs to the referee.

"What are you doing?" she screamed annoyed.

"Get down, you stubborn girl, your nose is bleeding badly."

Directing her broom to the entrance of the field, she looked down. Bill was right, her yellow and black Quidditch robes were deep crimson and damped with her own blood.

"Bollocks!"

"Language, Nymphadora," said Bill with a grin, landing beside her, "Or I'll have to take points from your house."

"You do that, Billy boy," she answered sweetly, "and you might find yourself unable to un-glue your fingers from that broomstick… again."

Bill snorted.

"What is it, Weasley?" Hufflepuff captain Vance interrupted.

"You check on your Chaser," said Bill, mounting his broom again and flying low to reach his team on the other side of the pitch.

Tonks could tell Vance was not too surprised to see her bleeding. She was, after all, famous on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team for being prone to accidents, although this time the bleeding was not her fault. She touched her face carefully and winced at the pain, a lump was forming in her right cheek and her nose seemed broken.

"Should I call Pomfrey?" Vance asked, looking at Tonks' nose.

"No need," she said and pointing her wand to her own face she said, "_Episkey_".

She felt a now very familiar heat in the broken area, followed by a sudden cold. The bleeding stopped and her nose mended in just seconds.

"Nice one," said Vance appreciatively.

"It's useful when you're as clumsy as I am," Tonks shrugged, and pointing her wand at her robes she said "_Scourgify_" Nothing happened. She suppressed a frustrated groan, maybe she had to pay more attention to her mother when she was trying to teach her household spells.

"Brilliant!" she said angrily. "Now I'm wearing _their_ colours!"

"Forget about it, Tonks!" said Vance, "Come on, let's go kick those Gryffindor arses!"

She did not need him to tell her twice.

* * *

"Twenty points!" howled Tonks in the changing rooms, punching the door of her locker with clenched fists. "Darn Weasley! Twenty bloody points!"

"I'm so-so-sorry I miss-miss-missed it," this season's new Seeker, second year Rolf Scamander, had been stuttering apologies for a while now and it was making everybody edgy, in addition to the bitterness for losing the match.

"It wasn't your fault, Scamander," said Vance with a weary voice. "Charlie Weasley is too good a Seeker, this was bond to happen."

"Just twenty bloody, fu-!"

"Give it a rest, Tonks!" Vance roared at her. "We did a great job, we played very well, but... not everything went as planed."

"Yeah!" Hummer said, "We lost!"

"I know that!" Vance replied. "But we're going to do better against Ravenclaw. We're going to smash them!"

"Hear hear!" said Selwyn.

"Yeah, we have to win that one! Their Seeker sucks!" said Atticus, putting his Beater club in his locker and closing the door.

"But we were so close this time!" Tonks started again.

"I'm not listening to this any longer," Vance got out of the dressing room, followed by the rest of the team, except for Tonks and Atticus.

"Hey, he's right, give it a rest!" he said. "So they beat us, it sucks, but we'll get even."

"I don't want to pay those Weasleys," Tonks murmured.

Atticus stared at her in disbelieve.

"You didn't."

Tonks looked sheepishly at him and nodded.

"You bet against the Weasleys that we were going to win this Quidditch match?"

"I might have…" she shrugged trying to look casual.

Atticus gave her a punch in the shoulder.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"You arse, Tonks! Now _we_ won't hear the end of it! It is bad enough to have them gloating about winning, now we have to see them take away your money and gloating about _that_ as well!" Atticus was looking to the ceiling in exasperation.

"I know…" Tonks said, looking abashed.

Atticus glared at her.

"I'll hex your mouth out the next time you make a bet with Charlie Weasley."

Tonks chuckled.

"Alright, I won't do it again."

"You played great by the way."

She blushed.

"Thanks, At, you too."

Atticus grinned at her.

"Come on, let's go to the common room." Then he added as an afterthought. "And we're avoiding those Gryffindors today. I don't feel like looking at Mitch and Charlie's sneer right now."

"Agreed!"


	12. 1989 A very agitated, green haired Tonks

_Winter 198__9 – 5__th__ year__._

A very agitated, green haired Tonks was running through the almost deserted corridors, her bag bouncing against her ribs. Even though she seemed to be tripping a lot over some invisible obstacles, she continued running, she was late. And if there ever was a day she should not be late, it was probably today. Finally she reached Professor Sprout's office, and hitting her foot against the door frame, she entered without knocking.

"Wotcher, Professor!" she panted.

"Tonks," said Professor Sprout, with an expression between exasperation and amusement. She was sitting at her desk looking out of place, still wearing the apron and hat she usually had inside the greenhouses.

"Sorry I'm late…"

"Don't worry. Take a sit." There was a file on her desk labelled 'N. Tonks', she opened it, apparently oblivious to the fact that her hands were partially covered with dirt as usual. "Well, Tonks, you know why we are here."

"Yes, to discuss my future," she said bluntly. She had been both nervous and thrilled about her coming Career Counselling. Finally, after two years of harbouring a small hope of a dream, she was going to find out where to go from here.

Professor Sprout chuckled.

"Something like that, yes. We're discussing what subjects you'll have to take next, according to what do you want to do after school. Have you thought about something?"

Tonks was waiting for this question and had her answer ready. Breathing deeply she prepared herself to say it aloud.

"I want to be an Auror."

It was the first time the word had came out of her mouth like this, not talking about any random facts but herself. And despite of the newness of the situations, there was conviction in her voice, and even a hint of pride. She stopped for a second to savour the sound of it: 'Auror'. Yes, it was just right.

Professor Sprout was looking at her, blinking. She seemed very surprised.

"An Auror, Tonks?"

"Yes, Professor," she nodded in conviction. "I'm going to be an Auror."

"You know that's one of the most difficult career paths you could possible chose?"

She could not say if Professor Sprout was doubting her or testing her will. She had the feeling it was a little bit of both. She needed to sound convincing now.

"I know" Tonks said calmly. "I've been thinking about it for a while now. I want to be a Dark Wizards catcher. It just… it's just fair," she added in an undertone.

"Excuse me? I didn't get that last bit."

"It's nothing, Professor. What should I do, then?"

Professor Sprout sighed deeply. For a moment it seemed that she was going to try to convince Tonks that his wasn't a good idea, that the path might prove to be too difficult, that she could try other options. She didn't want to risk that possibility, she was convinced and now she would have to prove to the others that she was good enough for her chosen career, so she looked back at her Head of House, her jaw clenched and rising slightly out of her chair.

Finally Tonks felt the slightest change in Sprout's attitude; she opened the file in front of her and started reading.

"For the sake of this interview, I am not going to talk about some... misbehaviours you might have had on the past..."

Tonks felt heat on her face and wished she had already mastered her morphing in order to hide it.

"... which I am sure you are not going to continue if you really want to be an Auror." She looked sternly at Tonks and she nodded. "So, let's see what's next. Your grades are not bad, Tonks," she muttered, reading the parchments, "but you need to work harder, that's for sure. The minimum required by the Auror Office is five Exceed Expectation N.E.W.T.s. And you will be tested before entering the program."

"What kind of tests are those?" Tonks asked curiously. She suspected something of the sort but she had never actually researched on what would exactly lay ahead of her.

"Character and aptitude tests, a great deal of them and not the easy kind."

"I was expecting that. I only…"

There was something that was hunting her, a dreadful fear that came over every time she thought about becoming an Auror.

"What is it, Tonks?" asked Professor Sprout gently.

"It's just…" she needed to say it, now or never. If something was going to keep her from being an Auror, it would be better to know it sooner than later. "Will my family background matter, Professor?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well… the fact that I'm related to half of the Death Eaters in Azkaban. The Lestranges, the Blacks, you know. Will that matter to the Auror office?"

Professor Sprout scratched her chin thoughtfully, leaving a dirt mark behind.

"I will give you an honest answer. You may find people thinking that it does matter. As I said before, being an Auror is not an easy path and I'm afraid that with your family background behind you, it won't get any easier."

Tonks sunk lower in her chair and stared at her shoes. She had been cursed with the worse family _ever_!

"However," Sprout added, "I know there is no rule whatsoever impeding you from starting your training _if_ you pass the tests."

Tonks jerked her head to look at Professor Sprout, who continued.

"I'd say that if you prove you're capable of dealing with the pressure, of achieving the necessary goals, of passing every trial, no one will have any reason to stop you becoming an Auror."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly, Tonks," said Professor Sprout with a kind smile. Then she added in a more briskly, business like tone. "About the subjects you have to chose then, there is Defence Against the Dark Arts… I see your grades are between Outstanding and Exceeds Expectations, you won't have any problems with that one… Potions… Professor Snape only accepts N.E.W.T. students with Outstanding in their O.W.L.s, you'll have to work harder on it, Tonks, since until now your grades barely scratch Exceeds Expectations."

"I can manage." Tonks said, although she was not so sure about it. For a moment she thought about the dungeons, where Professor Snape's classrooms were located. For some unknown reason, when it came to potion making, she was not as prone to accidents as one should expect and still, having that particular teacher breathing over your potion with such an air of contempt use to make it very difficult to remember every ingredient she should use and their proper orders.

Professor Sprout kept talking.

"I see you have Outstanding in Transfiguration, so it would be logical for you to continue with that subject. Professor McGonagall seems to be very happy with your work at classes only…" Professor Sprout read from the parchment in front of her and sighed. "She wishes you'd behave in her class, and, I quote 'avoid replacing your nose with the ones usually displayed by animals'."

Tonks gave a small cough.

"I'm sorry."

Sprout ignored her feeble attempt at an apology.

"I am hoping to see you again in Herbology as well and you might want to sign up for Charms too, although you'll need to put much more effort on that one too, Acceptable is not good enough."

"It's that wand-flicking thingy! I can't get it right!" Tonks groaned.

Professor Sprout chuckled.

Both of them stayed silent for a moment. Professor Sprout kept on looking at the notes in front of her and Tonks desperately tried to rack her brains in search for a question she might later regret not having asked.

"Professor?" she finally had it.

"Yes, Tonks."

"Can I continue with Muggle Studies?"

"Well, of course," she finally closed the file, and clasped her hands on it. "Bear in mind, though, it's going to be a lot of work to do as it is, let alone adding an additional subject. But I'm sure Professor Burbage will be delighted to see you back. There are not many students that choose to follow Muggle Studies on a N.E.W.T. level. Do you have any more questions?"

Tonks remained silent for another moment. She never liked to speak about her fears, having the feeling that they became more real when said aloud. But she needed some reassurance now, she needed to hear somebody else's opinion, she needed to be as convinced as possible that she was going to succeed. Finally, taking a deep, steadying breath, she spoke.

"Do you really think I stand a chance, Professor?" Although she had wanted to sound firm and serious, there was longing in her voice, coupled with fear.

Both witches stared at each other for a moment.

"I do," Professor Sprout said finally. "You're tenacious and capable, there is no reason for you not to succeed."

Tonks beamed at her and saved the relieved sigh threatening to escape her lips for a better moment.

"Thanks, Professor." She stood up so quickly that her chair tumbled on the floor.


	13. This is just unnatural

"Oi, Tonks!"

It was too easy to hear the calling over the hushed murmurs inside the library, and yet Tonks chose to ignore it. Madam Pince, chasing after some sixth years who had sneaked some chocolate and were trying to eat them surreptitiously, did not get there fast enough to tell Charlie off for shouting in there.

"Well, this is just unnatural." He said, dropping heavily on the chair next to her.

She had been sitting in the library for hours now, reading from an enormous book and taking notes, frowning from time to time in concentration. And now this was exactly what she had been afraid of, the others noticing the obvious change in her behaviour and their inability to leave her alone with it. She decided to keep ignoring him, although she was positive this sort of technique just did not work with Charlie Weasley.

"Didn't you hear me?" he prompted, poking her arm. Just what she had expected. "This - is - unnatural!"

She had to suppress a sigh.

"What are you talking about? Your lack of a brain?" Tonks finally said a bit harshly, without taking her eyes off her notes.

"Ouch, that hurt," he said in what she knew was mock resentment. "I was talking about you, actually. What are you doing in here?"

"Studying."

"I figured out _that_ much, funnily enough, but come on, it's a nice day and we're having the biggest snowball fight ever, against the 7th years."

Tonks finally looked at him. _What is it with people that made them so interested into others' business?_

"I'm sorry, Charlie, I can't," she was doing her best to make her voice sound serious and business-like, but the look on his eyes was speaking volumes about how she was failing.

"Oh, come on. We have plenty of time to study for the O.W.L.s! They're in June!"

"Exactly. And I'm planning to make the best of that time," she said stubbornly, looking at her parchment again. She was not going to let him distract her; she would not let anyone.

Charlie stayed silent for a moment, as if he was thinking of a new argument to get her to come with him.

"So, Sprout was hard on you, wasn't she?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked with an exaggerated bored voice, while copying a phrase from the book onto her parchment. Why couldn't he realise she wasn't interested at all?

"You had you meeting with her yesterday, right? Career advice? This must have something to do with that."

Tonks sighed loudly and dropped her quill to look at Charlie.

"She wasn't hard on me but yes, this has to do with meeting her yesterday. There is much I have to do and I am not planning on leaving it all for the last weeks before O.W.L.s."

Charlie put a hand on Tonks' forehead with a concerned face, but his lips were twitching as if he was fighting a smile.

"Hmm, yes… you have a temperature. You are probably sick, really sick by the looks of it."

"Cut it, Charlie!" Tonks said, looking at her notes again, she was losing her always volatile patience."I'm sorry but I'm not coming with you."

He stared at her silently for a long moment until she could not take it any longer and looked back.

"You _are_ serious about it. Studying, I mean," he said.

"Yes."

Was it possible that he was finally getting it?

"Are you going to tell me what Sprout told you yesterday that put you in this state?"

"No."

"Come on."

For an instant, Tonks tried to picture what Charlie's reaction would be like if she actually told him something about her interview. He would laugh his head off, she was absolutely sure, and right now, with so much work ahead of her, and something inside her that felt a lot like insecurity, she was not ready for that sort of thing.

"No," she finally said. "Now leave me alone."

"I know you want to tell me." He seemed to have seen some of her thought flash through her expression.

"I don't, Weasley! Sod off!" she finally screamed, losing her temper.

"Both of you, out of my library!"

Somehow Madam Pince had managed to control the chocolate situation and had just materialised right next to them.

"But I was..." Tonks started.

"Out! Before I start giving you detentions! Screaming like that inside the library as if it was a common marketplace!"

There was no point arguing. Sighing heavily Tonks took her book and all her notes and stomped out, passing right in front of Charlie and ignoring him as if he was just another bookshelf. It was all his fault. If he had not followed her inside, if he had left her alone, none of this would have happened and she would be sitting there, still taking notes, instead of having to find another place to study.

"Tonks!" She had reached the corridor and he was just behind her. "What's the matter with you?"

She looked at him, wishing nothing but to punch him in the guts.

"Leave me alone!"

Charlie looked at her startled, and then he frowned.

"Fine!"

"Fine, then!"

"I'll go!"

"You do so!"

He looked at her for a moment and then, he walked down the corridor without so much as a backwards glance. Tonks realised now she had not wanted to have a row with him, but she knew she was right. There was a lot to do and she was going to do it, even if that meant making her friends angry.

She glanced at the notes clutched in her hand: _Strengthening Solution_. With a deep sigh she put all the pieces of parchment inside her book and started walking down the corridor, in the opposite direction Charlie had taken. She needed to find this new place to study now.


	14. She had taken over a table

She had taken over a table in the Hufflepuff common room, in the corner, and when she was not at the library. She was sitting there, her back turned to the usual noises, taking notes or reading. This new attitude was very unusual for someone who was more likely to be found in the middle of things, taking part of the general chaos and, more often than not, being the cause of such chaos.

The first days of this new position, it had been the cause of many jokes and pranks at Tonks' expense. All that ended when she started making effective her threats and many Hufflepuffs had to go to the Hospital Wing displaying a variety of effects caused by well aimed hexes.

She had not been sorry at all, until Professor Sprout gave her a week's worth of detention, which meant a week less of studying. The good part was that no one dared to bother her again.

Charlie had probably told Mitch and Atticus about her outburst in the library, for the two Gryffindors were avoiding her, while the Hufflepuff was unusually quiet when they were together. As a matter of fact, the only person who dared come close to Tonks these days was Atticus. He was studying too, in a less maniac way, to tell the truth; he placed an armchair near Tonks' table and would read there, silently.

Tonks appreciated the gesture, but it made her feel slightly guilty. Maybe she was overreacting a bit.

It was past midnight and she heard Atticus stand up and stretch. For once she risked looking around and saw that the common room was empty but for the two of them. Was it that late?

He smiled at her. "What's up, Tonks?"

"Same as usual," she said, a bit surprised how husky her voice sounded. She tried to remember the last time she had spoken out loud, she could not recall it.

"_Protego_", Atticus said suddenly, waving his wand.

"What are you doing?" Tonks asked, startled.

"I want to talk to you, but I don't' want you to hex me, so I'm taking some precautions."

Tonks looked dumbstruck, then she started feeling positively guilty… and finally the absurdness of the situation hit her and she started laughing. Was Atticus really shielding himself from her? It was a very nice feeling to be able to laugh out loud after many weeks of nothing but studying and the occasional Quidditch practice.

"Come off it, I wouldn't hex you!" she said between chuckles.

"You can't be too cautious, you know," he smiled at her, but kept his Shield Charm in place.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked, trying to sound kind.

"You. And I won't take any more of it's-none-of-your-business crap, I want to know what is the matter with you. You're worrying us sick!"

"What do you mean?" _Have I been that obvious?_

"Oh, come on! You're never up to anything anymore, you're hardly outside, you're not speaking to anybody, you're all jumpy, and you don't seem to be _there_ during Quidditch practice… All you do is bury your nose in books and I understand you're worried about OWLs, but this is just a tad too much!"

Tonks blushed and looked at her feet. He was right of course, but he did not understand.

"And look at your hair!" Atticus added.

"What's with my hair?"

"It's all brown and flat and… you know, the way it gets when you're worried. Have you try to morph at all in the last few weeks?"

"Well… it's difficult. I'm tired."

"That's my point. You're overdoing it, Tonks."

She looked at him. He did not understand, he did not know, but he was right nonetheless, it was too much and she was feeling really overwhelmed… as if she had been forced to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. But she had to do it, she had to pass those bloody OWLs and then she had to achieve the required NEWTs and then she had to pove herself capable in the Auror office and then…

Without being able to stop it, she felt her eyes fill with tears. She covered her face with her hands in embarrassment... if only she was not this tired.

She heard Atticus moving a chair and then she felt his hands on hers.

"Look at me, Tonks."

Reluctantly she looked up, he was sitting right in front of her, Shield Charm gone. She tried to wipe away her tears. Nobody, in all her years at Hogwarts, had seen her cry before.

"I'm… I'm sorry I've been a prat lately," she murmured, trying to control her very audible sobs. "It's just… this is really important, you know?"

"I do, I know this is important… What did Sprout tell you?"

Tonks took a deep breath, only to find out it turned into a big sob. She could feel the heat in her cheeks, and finally she looked at her friend with a sheepish expression.

"If I tell you, you wouldn't laugh, right?"

"Promise," Atticus said.

"I want to be an Auror." There it was again, despite the tears and the fact she was almost shaking, her voice came out clear and steady, just like the first time she had said it aloud, some weeks ago, in Sprout's office.

"That's brilliant!" Atticus said, staring at her with great sparking eyes. "An Auror… you'll be amazing at it!"

That was a reaction Tonks was not ready for. She had expected Atticus to laugh at her, despite his promising not to, or to look at her in disbelieve. But his happiness, his trust, no, this was unexpected.

"You think so?" she asked arching one eyebrow.

"I know so. Or should I name all those poor unfortunates that had to parade around Pomfrey's office due to your quick spell-casting?"

Tonks chuckled, feeling guilty again but also a bit smug. After all, it was not every day that you see a 5th year successfully hexing several 7th years at once.

"I need to get at least five NEWTs, though," she whispered in concern, looking at her fingernails. "And, for the OWLs I have to scrape an E in Charms and an O in Potions! Otherwise I won't be able to do it. And I have to do it, At, I have to be an Auror."

"Is this about the Blacks?" he asked out of the blue.

Tonks looked up at him feeling a heavy weight in her stomach. They had not talked about her mother's family since the only time she told him, Charlie and Mitch in their third year. She would not bring up the subject of having relatives in Azkaban and her friends did not seem keen to talk about it either. At some point she had thought they had forgotten about it, now it was plain clear that, at least Atticus, had not.

"There shouldn't be people like them," she finally said in a whisper, "someone has to make sure that won't happen anymore. And I want to be there, taking care of it."

Atticus smiled at her.

"The thing is," Tonks spoke again, slowly, "that it might be difficult for me, more difficult than usual, I mean. Sprout said that the other Aurors may think I can't be one because of my family."

"That's bollocks! You have nothing to do with those nutters!" he said indignantly.

"I know, but the people at the Auror office don't. They might think I'm not 'Auror material' or something like that, so I have to prove them I can. I have to be the best."

He looked thoughtfully at her.

"Maybe you're right, but that doesn't mean to become this book-freak, Tonks, people will start to think you're a Ravenclaw!" he finally said in mock horror.

Tonks chuckled.

"What about a deal?" Atticus offered.

"Huh?"

"I'll tutor you in Charms and get Charlie to help you with Potions, he's good at it, or so he says. And we'll keep out of your way when you have to study, but…"

"But?"

"You have to stop being a prat."

"Don't call me a prat!"

"You said it yourself!"

"Yeah… but that was me, wasn't it?"

"Prat."

"Git," she said, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Maybe I am, but I'm still offering you a deal. You get this amazing tutoring by some of the greatest geniuses around here-"

Tonks snorted.

"- and you go back to being Tonks. You know, going out, hexing Slytherins, playing Quidditch like you mean it, planning the next prank, the whole package. Do we have a deal?"

There was no need to think about it. She knew he was right. Besides, she could use the extra help and she had been actually missing going outside.

"All right, deal," she said.

Atticus extended his right hand and she shook it.

"Now go to bed."

"I'm not tired," she said.

"You know… I would have believed you if you hadn't been yawning 10 seconds ago."

"Git."

"Prat."

She stood up and, following some deep instinct she was not aware she had, unexpectedly wrapped her arms around Atticus' waist.

"Thanks, At," Tonks muttered.

"Any time."


	15. 1990 It had been a long summer

_Autumn 1990__ – __7__th__ year_

It had been a long summer, and a lonely one, too. She had seen Charlie just a couple of times, and Atticus and Mitch had been abroad and they had came back just on time to do some book shopping in Diagon Alley for the start of term. That had been the only time the four of them had had the chance to meet, even if only for a quick exchange of news while slurping ice cream.

The most surprising by far had been the fact that Atticus had now a girlfriend. Apparently they had been keeping touch while he had been in France and now they were going out. As a matter of fact, at some point he excused himself from the group and went to meet Lilica, a very pretty Hufflepuff girl from their class.

Tonks had not given her much thought so far but now, with the flow of questions Mitch and Charlie were posing about Lilica, she had been forced to consider it seriously. Yes, Lilica was a nice girl, maybe a tad too quiet, but she had never had a problem with her and, in Tonks' book, that was saying something.

But the loneliness had had its advantages. Tonks had been practising the entire summer and now she was quite pleased with her results. She could not remember another time in which she had been so obsessed about achieving something, except those months in her fifth year in which she had been preparing her OWLs. And just like it had happened back then, she had accomplished what she had purposefully been trying to do.

Thinking all this inside the bathroom on the Hogwarts Express, she looked at her image in the cracked mirror. A very familiar face, even though it was not the heart-shaped one she was used to see when looking at herself, stared back. It made a triumphant broad grin, so unusual for the owner of the face and body Tonks was currently impersonating, that she remained confused for a while. Then she started to laugh.

"It's nice to see you smile like that, you should do it more often," she said to the image in the mirror. Then, covering her ripped jeans and her pink tank top with a long dark cloak, she exited the toilet.

It was the most unnerving sensation to stroll the corridors in her current shape. People would stop and ogle at her, some of them too flabbergasted to do anything but stare openly, some others actually managing to mutter a salutation. She was trying hard not to smile at the display of surprise, respect and maybe even fear around her, while concentrating on the shape she currently had. Tonks knew that, if distracted, she could easily lose it.

Finally, she reached the compartment she was looking for, the one she had vacated mere minutes ago.

Charlie, Atticus and Mitch were playing a loud game of Exploding Snap, and laughing so hard they did not hear the door slide. Just in that moment, Mitch decided to yell.

"Bollocks, Atticus, you're fu-!"

"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Carter, Mr. Liddell" she said in a brisk voice.

The three of them jerked their heads up and looked at her in horror. She almost sighed in relief, she had not been quite sure she could do the voice right, now she knew.

"Good morning, Professor McGonagall," said Atticus, a bit more composed than the other two.

"P-P-Professor," stuttered Mitch.

Charlie seemed unable to speak.

"Five points form Gryffindor, Carter, for the use of foul language."

"But, Professor, the term hasn't started yet," Charlie stated.

"That is no excuse, Weasley," Tonks said, enjoying the effect she was having on the three boys.

It was costing her too much an effort not to laugh out loud at her friends' faces, so she turned her back on them and, very slowly, she closed the blinds. She could almost feel the surprised exchange of looks at her back.

"Well, Mr. Weasley," she said slowly, towering over him and crossing her arms. "I wanted a word with you."

"Yes, Professor?" he said in a very un-Charlie-ish subdued voice.

"It's about the Quidditch team."

Charlie stared at her with a puzzled expression.

"The Quidditch team, Professor?"

"The captaincy, to be precise. I understand you've been the last year captain, and you were supposed to keep the charge this year." She paused to enjoy the tension she was creating in him. "However I have decided to pass the captaincy to somebody else, somebody more fitting."

"More… fitting?" Charlie said, looking at her with wide eyes.

It was almost too much for her, she was about to burst in laughter, so she started pacing the very limited space in the compartment to hide her expression.

"We have found a more suitable candidate."

"Ehm… er… who is it… Professor?" Mitch asked.

With her back to them, Tonks said in McGonagall's brisk voice: "Percy Weasley."

"What?" Charlie burst, "But how-?"

"Do not use that tone with me, Mr. Weasley!" Tonks bellowed, facing the three of them again. To say that they seemed shocked was an understatement. She continued in a calmer voice, fighting again the smile that seemed to want to break her jaw. "I believe that given the impeccable behaviour your brother Percy shows in every situation, he would be more than fitting for this task."

"But he isn't even on the team… Professor," said Mitch.

"He will be on the team from now on. Playing Chaser with you Mr. Carter. I trust you will be able to help him around."

Atticus was staring at her as if it was for the first time in his life. Charlie was opening and closing his mouth, seemingly searching for words that would help him convince McGonagall without getting in detention. Mitch had his mouth shut, maybe for the same reasons.

It was too much and McGonagall's mouth gave a loud laughter. The three of them jumped back into their sits, visibly scared of what appeared to be their strict Transfiguration teacher going insane.

"This… is… too… much!" panted Tonks between laughs. She could feel her features changing but she did not focused on keeping McGonagall's face anymore, it had been more than enough. She took off the long dark cloak, turned her hair neon green and plopped down on an empty sit, still laughing madly, with tears running down her cheeks. The three of them were looking at her in silence.

"You arse!" Charlie finally bellowed, giving her a punch in the shoulder, while Mitch started throwing Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured beans at her. Atticus was beaming.

"That was amazing!" he exclaimed.

"No… it… wasn't…" Charlie said, now throwing Cauldron Cakes at her. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"I know!" Tonks gasped between chuckles. "You should have seen your face!"

"_You_ should have seen McGonagall's," Atticus said. "I've never seen her laugh like that!"

With an impish smile, Tonks morphed her features back to McGonagall's and continued laughing.

"Please, don't," Mitch said. "It's disturbing!"

Tonks rearranged her face again.

"Since when you can morph your entire body anyway?" Charlie asked. "I thought you could only make parts of it."

"I've been practising lately. As a matter of fact, it's all I've been doing the entire summer. I just needed someone to test it on."

Mitch just grumbled mutinously but Charlie, sighing deeply, muttered, "It was alright."

"It was brilliant and you know it!" Tonks beamed smugly, helping herself to one of the Cauldron Cakes he had thrown at her.

* * *

**AN: I want to thank again the people who left reviews for the last chapter: LoonyLikeLuna,** F**aithinWillow and felixlee14, and to those who have fav'ed this story and/or added it to their alert subscription. I'm loving the feedback!**

**Tons and tons of thanks to my beta PottedLilies and to my new beta Naina15!**

**And a special mention to my absolutely wonderful brother, who reads this whenever he has some free time in that (very) rural hospital of his :)  
**


	16. She was delighted with her success

Tonks was delighted with her success on the train and, after recovering from it, both Mitch and Charlie started to see the usefulness of her being able to transform into any person she chose. She became quite confident after that and made a point on constantly trying to imitate new people. It was proving very tricky though, not because of the morphing itself, but for the little details that would give her away, like the use of words the person she was impersonating would usually avoid, or the way they behave, or walk.

So she was taking every opportunity she had to morph and act in front of other people to find out if she would be discovered or not. So far she had been successful, since those people were not able to tell it was her as opposed to the person she was imitating.

There had been just one time in which she had tried to fool Atticus, portraying his girlfriend, Lilica, and he had eventually found out. He had then threatened to hex her into next year if she dared to do that to him again.

* * *

Quidditch tryouts for the Gryffindor team were finally over and the players were heading to the changing rooms. Tonks was going to try something else, she decided, not only about morphing, but also "infiltrating the enemy's territory", as she liked to call it.

It had to be done now. Hiding between the pillars at the base of the stands beside the pitch, she waited for the team to pass. Just as she expected, Joan Abbot, 5th year Chaser, was at the rear, on her own. Aiming carefully Tonks casted a Confundus charm on her and smiled as she looked a bit puzzled and then started walking towards the lake, in the exact opposite direction of the changing rooms.

Now she had to be very quick. Taking a small mirror out of her pocket, she concentrated on remembering Joan's face, her thin nose, her high cheekbones, the clear blue eyes, and the plait of brown hair. Tonks smiled triumphantly. Looking back at her from the mirror was the exact replica of Joan Abbot.

That was not all though, she had to change her stature and complexion to match those of the tall, broad-shouldered Chaser. The process was not only difficult for the amount of concentration required, it was also a bit painful. For a moment it seemed that nothing was changing but she was confident she had to give it a bit of time. She feared though, that the Confundus charm would not last long enough. Then, she started feeling a tickling sensation in her legs, something funny in her shoulders; concentrating with her eyes shut she tried to focus on the shape of Joan's body, she could feel she was almost there. Suddenly it felt as if everything went into place and she opened her eyes to see that she had a much bigger body now.

Hastily she took out her cloak and abandoned it at the bottom of the stands. Underneath she was wearing one of the spare Gryffindor Quidditch robes. She grimaced a bit, feeling that the colours were all wrong on her, and sprinted towards the changing rooms.

"What took you so long?" asked Charlie when she entered. He was talking to Mitch in hushed voices, while the rest of the team was starting to leave the changing room.

"Sorry," she murmured, adjusting her throat to sound like Joan.

"Practice will be next Friday evening," he said, rather harshly.

"Alright." They had failed to notice she was not the real Joan, Tonks smiled to herself in satisfaction.

She took her time fidgeting with her gloves while looking around surreptitiously. Finally she spotted the locker with the name tag "Abbot" on the door and opened it slowly, while Charlie and Mitch resumed what seemed to be an interrupted dialogue.

"It's weird, mate. It's… you've known her since first year!" Mitch was saying in an urgent hushed voice.

"It's not like I could have done _something_ to prevent it." Charlie said indignantly, his ears very red.

"Dunno… you could stop thinking about her, couldn't you?"

_Her?_ Tonks almost turned around to ask who were they talking about but refrained just in time. She was not sure if the real Joan would be that straightforward toward her fellow team mates, especially if those team mates were two years older than her.

"I can't, she's everywhere! Besides, now she's turning out to be all hot and… she's a girl and…"

"What are you going to do?" asked Mitch, interrupting what seemed to be plain babbling.

Charlie gave a deep sigh.

"I can't tell her, can I? She'll hex me 'till next summer if I do."

"Fair point, mate." Mitch snorted. "But if you don't you'll never find out if she fancies you as well, right?"

_If she fancies you…_ Tonks repeated in her mind. If there had been any hint of a doubt, it was all clear now: this was about a girl Charlie fancied.

"I don't think she fancies me," Charlie said gloomily, closing her locker's door with unnecessary force. "But then again I always thought she fancied Atticus, and now he has a girlfriend, and -"

There was a funny sound outside, like somebody tripping and colliding with the ground. Tonks looked out the changing room window. A tall figure in deep crimson Quidditch robes laid on the floor, having fallen on its way to the very changing rooms they were occupying.

_Bollocks! The Confundus is wearing off! _Tonks thought desperately, realising that her only route of escape implied facing the very person she was impersonating. She decided she had to run for it.

Without saying a word, she sprinted out of the changing rooms right in time to see the real Joan Abbot cleaning the dirt out of her Quidditch pants. Fortunately she was looking down so she did not notice the girl who was coming out and looked exactly like her.

Tonks came into a halt a while later, realising that her features had rearranged to her usual self. Of course, it was one thing to stay morphed while she was focused and confident, doing so while running madly with the fear that she was about to be discovered, was an entirely different matter.

So Charlie Weasley fancied a girl. Tonks was not sure how she felt about it. It would not be the first time, he had dated a fellow Gryffindor for a couple of months back in their 5th year and she suspected he had had a share of girls during their 6th. But this time, though, there was something serious, something urgent in his voice.

Suddenly she wished she had not been eavesdropping on them.


	17. 1991 Last one in the changing room

_Winter 1991_

Tonks was the last one in the Hufflepuff changing room. She did not usually dawdled like this, pointlessly trying to tide up her locker a little bit. The thing was, she did not have a place to go, or an urgent thing to do.

After quite a discouraging practice of Quidditch, Atticus had been brief on giving pointers to the team. It would not have been quite bad, except for the moment he told the room at large how good they had played during practice; it had costed Tonks a very great effort not to snot, still she contented with giving him a very sceptical glance. Now he had been joined by Lilica and they had gone together to… well, Tonks did not want to think about what they might be doing in that precise moment.

Which lead to her current dilemma. She had no idea what to do next, and for once, homework seemed just lame.

Truth to be told, she was not taking the whole my-best-friend-is-dating-someone situation very well. Even though she was absolutely sure she did not want to get involved with Atticus – because _EWW_, he was like a brother to her – the truth was that she missed him a lot. In moments like this, for instance, after Quidditch practice, when they would linger in the changing rooms to talk about this and that; now she was on her own feeling oddly empty. Of course, she could have gone with the two of them, but she did not like playing the part of 'the third'.

She sighed deeply. Well, she would have to get used to it, for they seemed to like each other company too much to end it any time soon.

With this thought spinning on her head, she was hanging her Quidditch robes in her locker when she heard a knock on the door.

"Are you decent?" Charlie's voice came from the outside.

This was unusual, and yet... not quite unpleasant.

"'Course I am, come in," Tonks said brightly.

He entered, taking in his surroundings, and smiled at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Nothing," he shrugged, "I just happened to be in the neighborhood. Nice hair."

Tonks rolled her eyes at him.

"You've seen this one before, I'm sure," she said dismissively, pointing at her electric blue spikes.

"Maybe," he said, "but it's nice all the same."

She looked at him suspiciously. Why was he trying to be so openly nice to her? Coming from Charlie this could only mean mischief in the making.

"What?" he asked, seeing her narrow eyes staring at him with mistrust.

"You tell me, what are you after?" she prompted.

"Oh, now I'm offended," he said putting a hand on his chest in a very theatrical gesture. "Can't a person tell his lovely blue-haired friend he likes her spikes just because?"

Tonks gave a dismissive "Humpf" but she could feel her cheeks going red. Hastily she turned around and gave the locker door a hard punch. It bounced off and nearly hit her in the face. She tried again, much softly this time.

"So this is Hufflepuff's Headquarters." Charlie said with a sneer, apparently ignoring her struggling with the door.

This was odd too. Maybe he had not seen it, or else he would have taking his chance to laugh at her for a while.

Tonks turned around again and put a mocking stern face.

"Yes, and now that you've been in here, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."

Charlie snorted.

"What, you think I can't?" Tonks asked raising one blue eyebrow.

"Oh, you could alright," he said promptly. "It's just, I don't think you would."

"And why's that?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

"You like me too much."

"You wish."

"Maybe I do," he said sounding less cheeky than his usual self.

_What was that about?_ Tonks thought.

There was a somewhat awkward silence.

"Great practice by the way." Charlie finally said.

"You were watching?" All awkwardness forgotten, Tonks closed the distance between them and started punching him in the arm. "You're not supposed to do that, Charlie Weasley! That's spying on our team!"

"Calm down, calm down," he said, trying to appease her. "I only saw the last 2 minutes of it, and I wasn't spying. I just happened to see the end of your practice."

Tonks scowled.

"And," he added crinkling his nose, "actually it wasn't that good either."

As the only reply, she just threw a damp tower on him.

He took it and threw it into a basked full of dirty clothes, as if nothing had happened.

"How about going to the kitchens for a bite, then?" Charlie asked conversationally.

She smiled despite the fact she was a tad afraid of what sort of prank was he actually planning to do.

"Sounds like a great idea. Where is Mitch, by the way?"

"I don't know, I think he's in the common room," he said dismissively, leading the way out of the changing rooms.

Tonks shrugged and followed him. Even if he was trying to gain her trust for later plans involving her falling down the marble staircase or something of the sort, this was something she could do, and it was much better than lingering in the changing rooms. Besides, she could get even anytime.

* * *

All of a sudden she was not missing Atticus that much. It was still a bit weird to be in the common room with him and Lilica, although Tonks had to admit that it could have been much worse. At least she was a nice person and they did not seem to be very fond of public snogging. But these days it seemed she was running into Charlie a lot and, without she really noticing how, he was starting to take Atticus's place.

Occasionally Mitch was with him too, but most of the time Charlie was on his own and he would give Tonks very evasive responses when she had asked about him. It turned out Mitch was dating someone as well, a fifth year Gryffindor called Agatha Robins. Unlike Atticus and Lilica, though, they were more than eager to show their mutual affection without taking their surroundings into consideration.

"And it is so much worse in the common room," Charlie complained to Tonks one day, after running into them sneaking into an empty classroom. "They're like this one organism, all arms and legs… it's disgusting."

"I bet it is," Tonks muttered.

"I mean," he added promptly, "is not like I don't want to have a girlfriend or something, it's just…"

"I know," she said, remembering the conversation she was not supposed to have heard and wondering who he could be thinking about. "I guess it's different when you have to see it. When you're the one doing the snogging it's supposed to be better, huh?"

"Er… right…" he said, with bright red ears.

He looked at her for a long moment.

"What?" Tonks asked.

"Huh? Nothing." He shook his head with energy, "Listen, what about a one-one on the pitch?"

"Brilliant! Let me get my broom."

"Last one on the pitch starts with 10 points less."

"Deal," she called sprinting down the stairs and almost falling head over heels when missing a step.

* * *

"Ha! Say it, Charlie Weasley!" she was practically bouncing at one of the ends of the pitch. After almost 2 hours of throwing the Quaffle through the hoops and despite having started in negative figures, she had won.

"I won't say it."

"Come on, don't be a cry-baby! You lost, you pay. Now say it!"

"Nope," he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her, but it was plain he was actually trying to fight a smile.

Tonks was jumping in front of him.

"Say it, say it, say it, say it."

"Alright, alright! Just… stop bouncing."

She smiled mischievously, but obliged, coming to a halt right in front of his crossed arms. It was not every day that she got the chance to actually win in a one-one against Charlie, and she was going to make the best out of it.

"I'm listening…"

Charlie gave a deep breath before muttering really quickly something that sounded like "'onksthefiggi'sttidditchplayerfthunivrs"

Tonks chortled.

"What was that, Charlie? You know the rules, you have to say it loud and clear and in a language that humans are supposed to understand. It's no good if you're speaking troll."

He looked at her with contempt. She giggled under his gaze, it was really amusing seeing him like that, having to put aside some of that legendary Gryffindor pride.

"Has anybody ever told you you're utterly annoying?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, several times, but that's not what you're supposed to be saying to me right now, Charles, is it?" she put her hands on his folded arms.

He looked disconcerted for an instant, and then he sighed loudly.

"Tonks is the frigging best Quidditch player of the Universe," he said with a weary voice, looking at the hoops.

Tonks rested her chin on her hands, right over his forearms, delighted at the sound of the words she had wanted him to say.

"That's more like it," she whispered beaming broadly.

He took a deep breath and looked at her with an expression she could not quite understand. She felt uneasy and there was a sudden heat in her cheeks she would have never expected to feel in his presence.

All this him looking at her like that for the past few days was starting to annoy her.

"Charlie?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked bluntly.

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head.

She took a step back, now extremely hot in the face. It was as if the temperature on the pitch had risen into the warmest of summer afternoons, which was at odds with the patches of snow in the corners, and she was finding it difficult to breath. And what was it with her heart anyway? It was pounding as if she had just run a couple of laps around the school grounds.

She had to go in, she had to wash her face with cold water, she had to get out Charlie's stare, and she had to do it all now.

"Wait," Charlie said, grabbing her hand as she turned.

"What is-?"

Tonks could not continue, for Charlie had pressed his lips against hers, drowning the rest of her question. She tensed, her eyes widening in shock, _what in the name of Merlin was Charlie Weasley doing?_

"Charlie," she mumbled against his lips.

This was not right, they were supposed to befriends, he was supposed to fancy somebody else, wasn't he?

Finally she pushed him hard enough and they broke apart

"Charlie!"

He had a funny expression, halfway between being embarrassed and pleased. Tonks was not sure how was she feeling, other than absolutely surprised. They stared at each other for a moment, a very awkward moment. Charlie Weasley had kissed her, fully on the mouth and without as much as a warning. It was, it had been… weird!

_But then, it didn't feel that bad, did it? As a matter of fact, it was very nice, very nice indeed._ She was surprised of the thought itself.

Could they really-? She and Charlie Weasley-?

And without knowing what she was doing, she closed her eyes and launched herself to kiss him back. Maybe it would have been nicer if their noses had not collided.


	18. Weird was not a strong enough word

Weird was not a strong enough word. Nor was it strange, or odd. Extraordinary was more like it, for it was also good, and funny, and exciting and… and she was a total mess, she thought while nibbling on a toast during breakfast and looking at the ginger head of her favourite Gryffindor, who, incidentally, seemed absolutely oblivious to the effect he was having on her.

"Ouch!" a pat on the back of her head made her jump. She looked around to see Atticus sitting next to her and reaching for some pancakes. "What was _that _for?"

"Tonks!" he said in mocking surprise. "I'm glad you decided to join us here in planet Earth!"

Lilica, sitting in front of him, gave a short chuckle, but shot Tonks a sympathetic look.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, trying to gather up some dignity.

"Hey, Tonks," Atticus continued, "I've never seen your hair with this colour before. Is it…? Nah! It couldn't possible be ginger now, could it?"

"Oh bollocks!" Tonks said, morphing it into deep black and leaving the tips a very fiery shade of red. "I didn't realise…"

"You didn't?" Atticus asked, "I thought you were doing it on purpose."

"Of course I wasn't, you git! It just happened."

"Really?" asked Lilica, without any trace of mocking in her voice. "How come?"

"Dunno. Sometimes…" Tonks blushed, "sometimes my hair changes colours on its own when I get a strong emotion… you know, like fright or sadness."

"Or luuurve-" Atticus started.

Tonks punched him in the shoulder.

"Shut up!"

"That's a heck of a giveaway!" Lilica said, pensively and apparently oblivious to her boyfriend's predicament.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Tonks nodded, "when I was little it was impossible for me to try and lie to my mum. I know I have to get that part of the morphing right, it might get me into trouble."

"You're planning on getting into trouble without me?" Charlie's voice called from behind her. She did not turned around, but felt her lips curving into a silly smile. "Move over, At," he added, sliding in the Hufflepuff bench between them.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Tonks replied quickly. "I was actually planning on getting you into trouble while I watch and laugh, how about that?"

"You couldn't."

"The hell I could."

"You wouldn't"

"Try me."

"I was planning on that," Charlie said with a sly smile.

Tonks felt a blush slowly creep into her cheeks and tried to hide it taking large gulps of pumpkin juice. Weird definitely was not a strong enough word.

* * *

Tonks had always been proud of her deep knowledge of the castle. It was very useful, when playing pranks or causing general mayhem, to spot the nearest secret passageway or the most suitable alcove behind a tapestry. Now she had an entirely different reason to be glad of knowing all those hidden dark corners.

"Oi, Charlie, stop it!"

Maybe it would have sounded convincing if her voice had not been trembling. For Charlie was doing _that thing_ to her neck that he knew would leave her speechless.

But she had to concentrate, they were supposed to be heading to the library to study for an upcoming Potions test. As a matter of fact, they were only two corridors away when he had had the fantastic idea of pulling both inside a well hidden alcove. Honestly, it had seemed a very good idea at the beginning, but now Tonks's conscience was awakening.

"Charlie…"

"Tonks?" he murmured without pausing on his way from her neck to her right ear. And she was forgetting all her nice arguments against him kissing her like that while they were supposed to be studying.

_Study, yes, NEWTs… being an Auror._

"We have to study," she said, pushing him with all her might.

He was grinning mischievously.

"Oh, I was studying alright."

"You were?" she asked, tucking her shirt back into her skirt and buttoning the top button that, who knew how, he had managed to open.

"Yeah, I was studying you neck, your lips, your t-"

"Git," she said, giving him a punch in the shoulder.

"Come on, Tonks, just a little longer," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and smiling impishly.

"We have to go to the library," she said, trying half-heartedly to free herself from his embrace. "We have to… we…"

So, they were not going to study that afternoon. That would not be that bad, would it?

* * *

Tonks had resumed her almost maniac studying habits, seeing that their NEWTs were _only_ half a year away. So she had taken possession of the corner table again – a lot a Hufflepuff's referred to it as 'Tonks's table' now – and was feverishly taking notes from a big book with a black leather cover while eating from an enormous pile of chocolate frogs.

"Hullo", said a voice at her back. She turned around, smiling for once, instead of displaying her usual exasperated look.

"Wotcher, At!"

"What's up?" He took a sit beside her and grabbed a chocolate frog.

"Not much," she said. "Hey, would you mind tutoring me in Charms again? Not now, but I guess I'll need some extra practice at some point."

"Sure, absolutely."

Tonks looked at him, it had been a while since the last time they had been alone.

"Where is Lilica?"

"Upstairs in her dorm," he said, displaying the dreamy smile he seemed to have learned to use the minute he had started dating her. "How come you're not with Charlie in the library?"

"I can't study with him, he won't let me focus. He's mad at me now for leaving but he'll get over it," she said rolling her eyes and displaying the exasperated grimace she seemed to have learned to use the minute _she_ had started dating _him_.

"You don't seem too concerned about it."

"That's because I'm not. I know he… well, it's Charlie!" she said, popping a chocolate frog into her mouth.

"I know," Atticus said. After a moment silence, he added slowly "To tell you the truth, Tonks, I was surprised when you told me you were dating him in the first place."

"Yeah, me too."

"I mean, it is funny to see the both of you and, when you're not having those stupid rows, you seem to get along pretty well but… I think you don't like him," he said, staring at her with a knowing expression.

"Of course I do, At, Charlie and I have been friends since the first day of the first year." She remained silent for a moment, thinking while nibbling the head off another chocolate frog. "It's just… it's not the way I imagine a boyfriend should be."

Tonks felt the sudden blush and tried to morph it away, longing for a mirror to see if she had succeeded.

"And how's that?" Atticus was asking, apparently oblivious to her trying.

"Dunno… I expected we would be talking or spending time together other than… other than snogging, or bickering at each other, or playing Quidditch. Not that I don't like doing that," she added. "But that can't be _all,_ can it?"

"I guess not. Have you try talking to him."

This time she blushed even more and did not bother to try to hide it.

"I… well, we don't usually… talk," she whispered.

Atticus chuckled.

"You should, and you know it."

"Yeah, I do."

Atticus stood up and stretched. "I'm off to bed."

"See you," Tonks said, taking her quill.

Atticus scooped another frog and went to the door into the boys dormitories.

"At?" she called after him.

"Tonks?"

"I've missed you."

He came back and stood near her.

"Don't be silly, I've been here all along. You should know that."

"Yeah, I do now."

They stayed silent for a moment.

"G'night then," Atticus said, smiling down at her.

"Night."


	19. Tapping the floor with her boot

_Autumn 1991_

Tonks was tapping the floor with her black commando boot while chewing her fingernails. She had been left alone in a small office at the entrance of the Aurors' Headquarters more than half an hour ago and she was starting to lose her patience.

Truth to be told, she had never been patient, and this kind of situation was surely one she was not suited for. She fought hard to suppress a yawn. She was tired, she was bored, and above all, she was almost out of her skin with anxiety.

It had been the hardest week of her life including that one in her 4th year when Snape had given her detention every night scrubbing the dungeon floor without magic because she had tripped over a cauldron full of Swelling solution, with nasty consequences.

She had taken so many tests she could not recall them all. There had been aptitude tests, seven foot long parchments full of questions she would never thought someone would _dare_ to ask – like "Given the situation, to whom would you rather give the _Avada Kedavra_? A. Your mother, B. Your father, C. Yourself." –, strange diagrams and labyrinths she had to resolve and drawings she had to identify. She had been tested on theory of every subject she had taken at Hogwarts, even though she had withstood very similar examinations just months before for her NEWTs. She had been interviewed by several people, a couple of Aurors, one nasty ministry worker and even a healer from St. Mungo's.

Finally she had been summoned to learn the results of those tests. Tonks had been received on the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic by Auror Shacklebolt, one of the two that had interviewed her, and she had been asked to wait for him in his office. And that had been forty-five minutes ago.

She wondered if this wait was also part of the examination and if so, what was she supposed to do? Keep waiting? Stay put? Stand up and pace? Go out and call somebody? She was about to do the last one when she heard steps in the outside corridor, accompanied by a clunking noise.

The door opened and Tonks stood up immediately, throwing her chair backwards. She bit her tongue to contain a foul expression and bent down to pick the chair up. While doing so, she could not help but look at the feet of two persons. Or, to be accurate, 3 feet, a wooden leg ending in a claw like foot, and the end of a staff.

Tonks looked up, the chair forgotten. There was Auror Shacklebolt and possibly the strangest man she had ever seen. He was so deeply scarred that his lopsided face seemed carved in ancient wood, but what struck her the most were his eyes. One was small and black, the other rather big with an unnatural shade of electric blue.

Auror Shacklebolt cleared his throat and Tonks, realising she had been staring at the other man, blushed and bent over again to pick up her chair. The man grunted audibly.

"Miss Tonks," said Shacklebolt, "I'd like you to meet Auror Alastor Moody. He's in charge of our training program."

Tonks extended her right hand at the scarred man, who look at it with his electric blue eye, while the black one remained fixed on her face. He tilted his head a little and finally shook her hand. She could feel more scars in his callous palm.

"Pleasure to meet you, Sir," she said in a weak voice.

Auror Moody merely grunted again.

"Sit down, Miss Tonks." Shacklebolt spoke, taking a seat on the other side of the desk. The other wizard conjured himself a hard wooden chair out of thin air and sat as well. The first man continued in his calm slow voice. "We've finished reviewing your tests. Although there are certain incompatibilities, we think that, given your performance in both character and knowledge tests, you might have the required skills to start your training as an Auror."

Tonks wanted to beam at him and jump into the air and maybe even hug the lopsided-faced Auror, but there was something that didn't sound right and she felt like she had to clear it out before getting too excited.

"Certain incompatibilities?" she asked, trying to sound polite.

"Care to explain your relation with the Black family," Auror Shacklebolt asked.

Fortunately, Tonks was ready for this kind of question, so she kept her expression as tranquil as possible and her hair the same bubblegum-pink colour she'd chosen that morning.

"My mother's maiden name is Black, Andromeda Black. She is sister of Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy. She hasn't been in contact with her family for almost 20 years, since before she married my father, and I have never met them in person."

Even though she was looking at Shacklebolt's eyes while speaking, she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Moody had made a very slow and casual movement toward his wand. Almost a fraction of a second too late, she pulled her own wand out of the pocket of her jeans and yelled "_Protego!_" while the old Auror muttered "_Tarantallegra!_".

The spell bounced on her Shield charm and she looked at him puzzled, without dissolving it or lowering her wand. _Was he mad?!_

Maybe he was, for he started to chuckle softly, while the other man smiled at her. The magical blue eye was fixed in Tonks' wand while the normal one looked at her face again.

"Constant vigilance, yes," Auror Moody said with a raspy voice that suited him perfectly.

"Lower your wand, Miss Tonks." Auror Shacklebolt ordered.

Tonks looked at both men with wide eyes.

"Not likely," she said, without thinking.

"Do as you're told, lass," grunted Moody, now both eyes fixed on hers. There was something in his voice, a ring of authority in every word, that Tonks had to obey, she couldn't help it. Vanishing her shield, she lowered her wand, but maintained a firm grip on the handle. That seemed to amuse the older man.

"And what is your personal relation with convicted mass-murderer Sirius Black?" Auror Shacklebolt asked as if there had not been an interruption.

"He is my mother's cousin," Tonks explained, this time addressing both men so she could keep an eye on Moody's wand. "He was the only member of the Black family she kept contact with after her marriage. He came over several times, but never let us see that he was working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The last time I saw him was a couple of weeks before his imprisonment."

"I see," said Shacklebolt looking at her. "I have no further questions. Alastor?"

"You're a Metamorphmagus?"

"Yes, Sir."

"To which instance have you developed your abilities?" Auror Moody growled.

"I beg your pardon, Sir?" Tonks asked confused.

"How much can you morph!" he cleared impatiently.

"Oh," she blushed, "well, full extend, Sir. I can morph individual parts of my body or I can turn into a completely different person."

"And how long can you maintain the new shape?"

"As long as it takes, Sir."

"Show us."

Tonks thought for a moment. Then she remembered the nasty ministry worker that had interviewed her just days ago, her toad-like face, her beady eyes and her very wide mouth. Screwing her eyes she rearranged her features to match those of the witch she had in mind.

Shacklebolt and Moody´s normal eye were looking at her with impassive expression, his magical eye still focused on Tonks' wand.

Feeling that she could push the situation a bit forward, she gave a small "hem, hem" exactly the way the witch had made many times during her interview. Both men chuckled, but went back to the stern faces almost instantly.

"That's bound to be useful," Kingsley Shacklebolt said.

He stood up, followed by Moody and without a word to Tonks, both men went to the door and opened it. She was turning around to ask what she was supposed to do now, when Moody looked at her with both eyes.

"Monday, 6 am., my house. Don't be late, lass."

"I won't, Sir."

Alastor Moody was already out of the office.

* * *

**A/N: So, Tonks is out if school and this chapter starts a new phase in her life. She's about to start her training as an Auror and things will get a bit darker (hence, the change in rating).**

**Thanks a lot to those kind enough to review the last chapter: Ninianna Simms, KenziCullen, AmiNoMatterHowPerfect, LoonyLikeLuna, shadowofnothing14, felixlee14, So this is real life. ****You guys are fantastic. I'd also like to thank those who put this story in their alerts and/or fav'ed it.**

**PottedLilies, thanks a LOT for being a wonderful patient beta.**

**BRODER, your feedback is always the one I'm looking forward to the most. Thanks a lot to make some room on your oh-so-busy schedule and hit me (ouch) whenever I get OoC.**

**Cheers!  
**


	20. That was ‘MadEye’ Moody

"That was 'Mad-Eye' Moody," Charlie Weasley was explaining.

"'Mad-Eye'?" Atticus asked.

"His nickname."

"Geez, the one who came up with that name didn't need to think much, right?" Tonks snorted. "How do you know him?"

"I met him at dad's office once. He's absolutely creepy."

"Tell me about it! He tried to bloody hex me! Without so much as a warning!"

The old school gang was at Tonks' flat. She had moved in just a couple of weeks before and the place was still full of unopened boxes they were using to sit on, since she did not have much furniture yet. They were celebrating her acceptance into the Auror training program with a couple of pizzas and fair amounts of Butterbeer.

"Maybe that's regular Auror behaviour," said Atticus, grabbing a slice from one box lying on the floor. "To hex one another just for the fun of it."

Lilica looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"I don't think so. What kind of group would _that _be? I reckon it was part of the test."

"Yeh, I fouft fat," Tonks nodded between mouthfuls of cheese. "To test my reflexes or something. Or maybe he was just angry because I stared at his wooden claw. _That is _creepy."

"Why does he have a wooden claw?" Atticus said.

"Dunno," Charlie said. "It must have something to do with his job, of course. He must have got hit by something."

"I think I'd rather swallow some Stinksap before going over and ask him 'excuse me sir, I hope you don't mind me noticing your leg is missing. Would you like to share the story with me please?"

They all laughed along and even though she had said it, Tonks did not though it was that funny, really. By the looks of it, it was obvious the Auror had know a lot of action in his time, and maybe even now. Would it be like that for her? Would she meet whatever it was that had crossed Moody's path... and get out so badly? For a wild moment she pictured herself like that, deeply scared and with a leg and an eye missing. She knew she could hide her usual scars by morphing her away, but could she able to morph an entire missing leg? She did not think that would be possible and the mere idea made her shudder.

"And you're starting on Monday?" asked Mitch, helping himself to his third slice of pizza.

The question was exactly what she needed; the images of her mutilated body left her head at once.

"Six in the morning. I've never been out of bed at that time," she groaned although she was really happy by the change of subject. Then she added as an afterthought, "unless it was because I wasn't back from a party."

"Bad luck, mate." Mitch said sympathetically.

A brainwave washed over her. It was the sort of idea that was both fun and could mean some disaster in the making.

"Can I ask you a favour?" she tried to produce a convincing sweet smile. "Could you please, all of you, try to wake me up on Monday at 5?"

"Er… how?" asked Atticus.

"As you like, you can try whatever you want… that won't hurt me, that is."

None of their friends looked happy at all and there was a lot of furtive glancing going on.

"I won't take part in this," Charlie finally said. "You're scary when you're woken up!"

"He should know that firsthand," Mitch said in an undertone.

Charlie's ears turned deep red and he gave Mitch a punch on the shoulder.

"Hey!" Tonks prompted indignantly, " he doesn't know _that!_ We haven't even…"

It had taken her and Charlie a while to get on with their normal friendship after they decided they were not made for each other. The following weeks had been awkward and they had avoided each other completely. The last couple of months in school, though, had settled them back to normal, although them being together was a regular joke among the group. Tonks was learning quickly to morph away her flushing cheeks and look innocent; Charlie could do nothing of the sort but struggle unsuccessfully against his own blushing.

"Spare us," said Atticus with a wink, "there are things best kept unsaid"

Tonks scowled. Then, remembering she was in the process of asking a favour, she continued as if there had not been any interruption at all.

"Please, I need some help here. I won't do anything to any of you I swear. Besides I'm, not that scary!"

Lilica snorted.

It was terribly irritating. Of course, Tonks knew she could spare all this trouble by setting her Muggle alarm clock and some useful charms just in case she overslept it, but still there was the possibility for her to ignore it all and just keep on sleeping right during her first morning of training. Thinking about Moody again, she knew that was not a possibility. She would rather ask her friends to do the waking up just to be sure.

"Please?" she repeated trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Do we have your word then, Tonks," Lilica said, "that if we try to wake you up you won't hex us-"

"- nor hit us the Muggle way-"

"- or verbally abuse us-"

"- or use any form of violence whatsoever?"

"Hey! You guys made it sound like I am violent freak!" Tonks cried indignantly.

The other four made a point on avoiding her gaze. It would be amusing if it had not being so bloody irritating. It was not like that! Well. maybe there had been this one time, but mostly...

"Oh, alright, maybe I _am _a violent freak, I get it. I swear I won't do any of those things. Plus I will be eternally grateful to each and every one of you."

"And what do we have to gain from your gratitude?" Mitch said. "More cold pizza?"

"Come on, I'll be an Auror, remember? I'm sure you'll need to have influence friends on this side of the law sooner or later."

"Sounds good enough," said Atticus, in a clear attempt to finish the bantering.

"I'm still not that convinced," grunted Charlie.

As a response, he got hit on the forehead by a pepperoni aimed by Tonks.


	21. 5:55, outside Moody’s house

5.55 am, and she was outside Moody's house, congratulating herself on her punctuality. True, her Waking-up charm had almost nothing to do with the fact that she was ready 5 minutes earlier, but the four persons that had Apparated in her flat one hour ago and the four creative ways they had found to wake her up, featuring buckets of water, Tickling spells, loud bangs and real lizards. That last part, Tonks was certain, had been Charlie's idea.

She needed to come up with a better way to wake up, there was no doubt of that.

Tonks had Apparated a couple of blocks away from Moody's house and now she was facing his front yard. It was a small house in the outskirts of a town, partially surrounded by woods. Tonks wondered how many times she would have to come to this very place in the next three years.

Taking a deep calming breath, she walked down a narrow path to the front door. Glancing around, she raised her fist to knock. This time she _was_ a fraction of a second too late and the last thing she heard was a harsh cry: _Stupefy._

"Stand up, lass."

Her head was throbbing and she was having difficulty distinguishing which of the three Moodys in front of her was the real one.

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" The three men yelled and she stood up with difficulty.

"What happened?" she asked, looking around. She was in something that looked like a living room, except it was furnished with only three hard wooden chairs and a couple of side tables. There were no photographs, nor paintings or… well there was nothing else besides a fireplace.

"You weren't ready, I stunned you," Auror Moody was saying.

"Ready? But we hadn't even…" she started.

"What part of 'constant vigilance' is so difficult for you to understand?" he roared at her.

She looked at him for a moment, a rude retort pushing to go out her mouth, but she fought against the impulse.

"None, Sir," she finally muttered.

"I thought as much. Now, abs."

Probably she had misheard him.

"Excuse me?"

"Abs! I want you to get on the floor and do some abs."

Tonks stared at him waiting for the chuckle that indicated he was joking. He looked back at her, with both his normal and his magical eye.

"Yes?" he snapped.

"You're serious."

"Do I seem like someone who cracks jokes, trainee Tonks?"

"No, Sir."

"ABS!"

Tonks laid on the floor and started pulling her torso up, feeling utterly ridiculous.

"How… many… Sir?" she panted between pulls.

"As long as I keep talking, you keep going," he said, taking a hipflask from a side table and drinking a generous gulp from it.

"You are the first one to be chosen as an Auror trainee in three years," he started, pacing the room. "That is not bad, but hardly good enough; it guarantees nothing! I need you to understand that you've just gotten into one of the hardest career paths. Aurors are the ones in which the Magical population trusts and as such, they have to prove themselves constantly. You are not yet a Auror, Miss Tonks, and you won't be one unless you're willing to give your very best."

Between the movement and her breathing getting heavier it was getting difficult to properly listen to him.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

"No… Sir… sorry… Sir…" she panted.

"During your first year," Moody continued. He seemed to be talking slower than usual, "you will be training with the Hit-Wizards every morning at the Ministry, starting tomorrow at eight, but I want you to understand, Miss Tonks, that you are NOT a Hit-Wizard," he stomped his wooden foot on the floor and Tonks could feel it vibrate under her back. "Even if it is important for you to learn about defensive charms and counter-curses with them, the most important part of your training will be in the afternoons. This month you are to come here, next month you'll get to go to Dawlish's."

"And… then… Sir…?"

"You'll be informed in due course."

For a moment he did not speak and Tonks was about to stop the exercise until he spoke again.

"Auror trials are once a year. If you fail, trainee Tonks, there is no repeating. If you fail, you won't be an Auror. Have I made myself clear?" asked Moody, taking enormous amounts of time to mutter every word.

"Yes… Sir…" Tonks had always thought she was in good shape. She had been playing Quidditch for the last 5 years, for Merlin's sake! Apparently that had not been nearly good enough. She could feel her temple throb, her abdominal muscles in pain, her eyes clouded. And Moody kept on going, slower with each word, and with each additional pull it was so much harder for her to focus.

"At the end of the third year, based on your performance throughout all the training programs and in your teacher's opinions you might or might not qualify as an Auror. If the Office decides at the end that you have failed there is no appealing and there is no going back. You won't get your badge, end of the story. Questions?"

She wanted to keep her mouth shut, so this would end, but she was fearing this would be her last chance to ask and she had to use it.

"What… are… the… trails… about… Sir?"

"There are six main skills you have to master: Defence and Attack, Concealment and Disguise, Stealth and Tracking, Poisons and Antidotes, Crime Memories and UYCS. You will be learning each one of them from a specific Auror."

"U… Y… C… S… Sir…?"

"Use Your Common Sense!" growled Moody.

He paced the room for a while, then he spoke again. "Didn't you hear me at the beginning, Miss Tonks?"

"Sorry… Sir?"

"I said you should continue with the abs as long as I was speaking."

"You… said… so… Sir…"

"I'm not speaking anymore."

With a loud _thud!_ Tonks' head hit the ground.

Afterwards she would honestly said that had been the easier part of her training so far.

For a couple of weeks now, Tonks was feeling as if her life were one of those dreams in which she was being chased by some unknown enemy and she had to duck and hide. Except this was real life and there was no unknown enemy, instead, there was Auror Alastor Moody.

The second day she had apparated at his house, with her wand at the ready and looking around feeling extremely paranoid. She had a reason though and it was with enormous satisfaction that she cast a successful Shield charm against which Moody's _Expeliarmus_, coming from behind her, bounced.

Her smugness did not lasted much for the minute she lowered her wand, another well casted _Expeliarmus_ hit her and her wand went flying in a wide arc into Moody's outstretched hand. He did not give it back.

The rest of the afternoon he chased her aiming hexes at different parts of her body with _both_ wands and intending her to duck them. If Tonks had thought that being wandless in front of Moody was something to be avoided at any cost, this was proving her right. But she had no choice but surrender her wand every day, the minute she arrived at her Master's house.

However, even if she was aching all over and displaying signs of the hexes that had reached her in different parts of her body, when she would finally get into her bed she was forced to admit she was having the time of her life.


	22. In the process of filling her tub

Tonks had apparated back home from her last day at Moody's. The next day she would start her training in Stealth and Tracking with Dawlish and she was dreading it, since she knew her clumsiness was bound to be a problem in that particular area.

She was in the process of filling her tub with hot water to ease the ache of her soared muscles when somebody knocked on her front door. Cursing under her breath she opened it to find Charlie, carrying a paper bag and smiling sheepishly at her. Tonks beamed at the sight of him, the idea of a bath forgotten.

"Wotcher Charlie, come in."

"Hey, Tonks. What's up?"

"Not much, I'm just exhausted. How about you?"

He looked a bit uneasy and shuffled his weight from one leg to the other.

"I have news. And Chinese food," he said giving her the paper bag.

"Tell me. No wait, take a seat, I have a couch now. The Muggles brought it yesterday," Tonks announced proudly.

"That's a nice change, though I was starting to get comfy on those carton boxes."

"I can bring you one if you like, there are still plenty of them," Tonks said, sitting on the big red couch and giving a tap on her side. "So, tell me your news."

Charlie took his time opening the bag and handing Tonks chopsticks and one small parcel full of rice, then he took one for himself and settled on the couch.

"Charlie Weasley, you're getting on my nerves. Are you going to tell me what's new?"

"I'm going away," he said promptly.

Tonks stared at her for a moment.

"What?"

"I'm leaving for Romania the day after tomorrow. They have accepted my application to train for dragon keeping in a reservation there."

"A dragon reservation?"

"Yes," he said, beaming for the first time since he'd gotten there.

"Charlie!" Tonks cried, trying to place the rice on the coffee table and making in fall to the floor instead. She did not take any notice as she threw her arms around him. "That's brilliant! It's what you've always wanted!"

"Yeah, yeah, it is," he said, hugging her back.

"I'm so happy for you, and so proud, and… Wait! Did you said you're leaving the day after tomorrow?"

He looked at her sadly. "Yes, I am."

"But…" she was flabbergasted. "But… when are you coming back?"

"Dunno… not for a least a year or so… it's a hard training, you see."

"Yeah…"

"And then… then I guess I'll stay in Romania, since there aren't many places where one can study dragons here, while there… well they have this amazing place with lots of them, many different species, it's fantastic." There was a gleam in his eyes even though he looked sad.

Tonks stared at him for a moment and he smiled apologetically.

"I'll miss you, Charlie."

"I'm gonna miss you too."

She sighed deeply and looked at the rice on the floor. Charlie, taking his wand and pointing it to the floor, murmured _Evanesco_. The rice disappeared in thin air.

"Come here," Charlie said, leaving his own parcel in the coffee table, without making any mess. Then he extended his arm and Tonks cuddled against him, placing her head on his shoulder.

"It sucks that you have to go so soon."

"I know."

Both stayed silent for a moment. Suddenly Tonks raised her head.

"I'm being a git here, Charles, sorry."

"What are you talking about."

"There you are, with your thrilling news, and I get all sad and… _girly_ on you!"

He laughed at her and nudged her ribs.

"You are a girl, you know."

Tonks scoffed. "You know what I mean."

"I do, mate," he said, hugging her again and kissing the top of her purple head.

She chuckled and raised her head to place a kiss on his cheek.

Charlie looked at her and took her chin in his index finger and thumb. Very slowly he lowered his lips. There was something so deeply familiar about the kiss, with the way his lips moved on hers, with the touch of his other hand on her back.

She looked up at him for a moment, she had to see in his eyes what this was about. There was only affection and some hint of mischief. Both of them knew better as to think much in that very moment, for that was all they got, a moment.

Tonks reached up to kiss him again and this time his lips were more enthusiastic, more urgent, as he explored hers, her neck, the line of her jaw. She was barely aware of his hands, moving to caress her hips, and her own hands trailing paths underneath his shirt. She knew, though, that this time they were going to go further, that there was something more profound than those caresses shared in hidden alcoves and empty classrooms on their Hogwarts days.

--

She woke up with a start and, sitting up straight in her bed, looked at the glowing numbers on her bedside table. 6.54. It was early for the Hit-Wizard training but she was feeling fully awake. Charlie's hand stroked her naked back.

"Mmmorning," he murmured.

"Wotcher," she said softly, without turning to look at him.

"How are you?" he said.

Tonks took a deep breath. She was asking herself the same question.

"Dunno…"

"Hey," he said poking her softly. She didn't move. "Hey, Tonks, look at me."

She turned around slowly. Charlie was lying on his back, smiling at her. She suddenly felt self-conscious and dragged the sheets up to cover herself. He chuckled.

"I've seen plenty of that last night, you know."

She glared at him. "Git."

He stayed silent for a moment, apparently deep in thoughts.

"Sorry, Tonks, I shouldn't have said that. What I wanted to say is… I mean… this is ok, isn't it? I mean, are you alright?"

Tonks looked at him, yes, there was genuine concern in his eyes, even if it was mixed with a pleased expression.

"Yeah…" she said slowly, "guess I'm fine. It's just… I know… we know…" she trailed off.

"You're not making much sense," he said, sitting up and resting his back on the headboard.

She took a deep breath.

"What will this mean for us, Charlie? We both know that we're lousy together, worst couple ever, plus, you're leaving tomorrow for Merlin knows how long, and we've just… we've…"

Charlie tried to put an arm around her but she remained stiff, hugging her knees.

"Listen to me, Tonks. This… what we've done… it was great. More than great, it was brilliant. And I know we are not right for each other. And I didn't planned this, nor did you, it just happened, and I'm glad it did."

Tonks looked at him without blinking.

"So…?"

"So," he sighed, "If you agree, I am going to say good bye to you, and because you are you, you won't get all mopey or… or _girly_ on me and you will kiss me good bye… on the cheek, mind you. And I'll be going to Romania, thinking about how great you are."

Tonks smiled at him.

"Agreed."

Charlie extended her right hand and she shook it. Then he gave her a kiss on the knuckles.

"You are going to be late, Auror Tonks."


	23. 1993 I waited for you

_Winter 1993_

"I waited for you for more than an hour!"

"I know, I told you I was sorry. There was nothing I could do!"

"More than an_ hour_, Tonks! Couldn't you just sent me an owl and tell me you were not going to make it?"

Tonks looked at the young man sitting in his couch, a Butterbeer on his hand. She could hardly believe he was actually saying that.

"No, Marcus, I couldn't! I can't go to Moody and tell him 'Excuse me, Sir, can I take a break? I have to owl my boyfriend to tell him I'll be late'."

"Why not?"

"Are you mental? It's Moody. He'll just turn me into a slug and leave me like that for a couple of months. Oh, and he'll fail me on the final trials this year, as a bonus."

Marcus glared at her.

"This is going too far, Tonks."

"What is going to far?" she snaped.

"This, us, all of it, your rushing over every time you get summoned, you standing me up, the Aurors being your only priority, it _is_ going too far!"

"It's not," she said, squaring her shoulders and glaring at him. "It's just the way it is."

"I don't remember 'it' being so terrible during Hit-Wizard training."

Tonks had to take a deep breath in order to calm her down a little bit. She did not want to say something she might regret later.

"That's the thing," she said slowly, "I'm not a Hit-Wizard. Auror training is different."

"Oh, right, because you _Aurors_ are so special. Rub it now, be my guest!" he sneered at her.

"We're _not_ having this discussion again."

"Apparently we are, _Miss Auror_."

Tonks scoffed impatiently and shook her head, refraining from answering - or jinxing - the man in front of her. When she had met Marcus in the Hit-Wizard training program, she had thought he was one of the easiest people to get along with. He was cleaver and funny, and during those difficult first weeks, she had found herself happy to meet him every morning, to hear his lastest joke, to have fun in stolen moments between training.

It was not until New Year's Eve of her first year that they started dating. At the beginning it had been a relief to have someone to be with at the end of long training days, but with time it had become something of a challenge to make their schedules fit, even though he had move in with her. He had graduated from Hit-Wizard training in June and now he was working full time for the Ministry, while she was still in her second year of Auror training. This year had proven to be much tougher that she would have expected and suddenly she had realised that her time did not belong to her anymore, but to Moody and the rest of the Aurors.

The problem was not the time-issue though, she thought, looking at Marcus in stubborn silence, at least, not _just_ that. Although he had never said it, Tonks suspected that he had wanted to be an Auror too, but he had not achieved the required five NEWTs at the end of his 7th year at Hogwarts. She had never really though about it before but right now, looking at him while he snapped at her, she realised this was really important to him.

"You are getting obsessed by becoming an Auror, anyway," he was saying in a very unkind voice. "Can't you give it a rest? You could qualify to be Hit-Wizard and start working with us. It's not like you won't be getting any action. As a matter of fact just today…"

Tonks looked at him in disbelief. _Obsessed?_ Hastily, she cut across what she was fearing would be a long anecdote on Marcus cornering some petty criminal like Mundungus Fletcher. After the first month of his qualification on the field, she had grown tired of such stories.

"I won't give it a rest, Marcus. And I don't want to be a Hit-Wizard," she said, trying to keep the scandalized tone out of her voice.

"Oh, right," he said with a sneer, "because we aren't good enough for you _Aurors_, right?"

"Bollocks! You're talking nonsense!"

"Admit it! You just think that what we do is below your level."

"Do you honestly think I'm that kind of an elitist arse?" she bellowed, stomping her foot on the floor. "Don't you know that-?"

A tap on the window startled her and she turned around to see a small brown owl with a tiny scroll of parchment attached to its talon.

"For the love of Merlin!" she cried in exasperation, opening the window and taking the scroll of the owl, who flew away almost immediately.

There was only three words in the tiny little piece: _My house now._ It wasn't signed but she could tell form the careless scribble and the tone it was from Mad-Eye.

"I've gotta go," she said flatly, her eyes on the parchment.

"Of course you do," Marcus said coldly.

She started shuffling around, taking her wand and looking for her traveling cloak.

"Stay," he suddenly said.

Tonks turned around in disbelieve.

"What?"

"Don't go, stay," he said, his gaze locked with hers, as if he was asking for her the simplest thing in the world.

"Are you mental?"

"No, I'm not. I'm asking you to do the most simple of things."

She closed her eyes. _This_ is_ too much, really!_

"You can't ask me to do that."

"If you go now, you won't find me here when you get back." Marcus said resolutely. "You have to sort out your priorities, Tonks."

Tonks glared at him fixedly for a moment. Now she did not even want to hex him anymore, he was not worth even the small amount of breath required for muttering a spell.

"I have my priorities sorted out alright," she said with a gelid voice, before turning in the spot, and then she was gone.


	24. MadEye was already waiting for her

Tonks Apparated outside Moody's place, still fuming after her argument with Marcus. _"… bellow your level"_ _what a lot of shite!_

Mad-Eye was already outside waiting for her with a very impatient air and wearing a leather travel cloak over his Auror robes.

"Hurry up, side along" he said extending his arms towards her. Tonks grabbed his forearm and an instant later they were outside a small cottage in the outskirts of a forest. The ground was covered with snow and the moon was very bright in the cloudless night.

Kingsley Shacklebolt was already there, waiting for them.

"Werewolf attack, by the looks of it," he explained, without so much as a greeting. "There is a lot of blood in the kid's bedroom, it seems the creature took him with it through the window."

Tonks felt her heart skip a beat but tried to maintain her composure, as she so often did. Shacklebolt was still speaking.

"I have a team on its trail in the forest, I just came here to let you know, we have to go back to them."

"Let's go, then." Moody said, and then he turned to Tonks. "You know what you have to do, lass. Recollection. Give us a nice memory of the kid's room and the surroundings."

She nodded and entered the cottage as Moody and Shacklebolt Disapparated to join the search team in the woods. Distinct sobs came from somewhere inside the house but Tonks did not stop, she knew that the parents must be somewhere, grieving, but she had more pressing things to do than stop and try to comfort them.

Peeking into the few rooms of the cottage she finally found the one she had been looking for. A small sign on the door read "Siegfried" and under it someone had hung another one, a piece of parchment pasted with spellotape with the words "kip out" childishly written on it. Tonks could not help but smile.

The smile died in her lips, though, the moment she opened the door, and she all but gasped aloud at the sight in front of her. She had been to numerous crime scenes before, doing Recollection as a part of her training; she had to create a memory as detailed as possible that could be seen later by other Aurors using a Pensieve.

However, this place was like nothing she had ever seen. There was blood, as Shacklebolt had said, on the sheets of the small bed, on the floor, on the window, and footprints, wolfish footprints, coming in and out the bedroom, on the ledge of the window and disappearing into the forest.

Despite the queasiness in the pitch of her stomach, Tonks concentrated on each and every one of those sordid details. She could not prevent herself from noticing other things as well, though, a poster of the Puddlemere United Quidditch team hanging on the wall, a toy broomstick leaning next to it, an illustrated edition of _The Tales if Beedle the Bard_ on the bedside table, near a broken lamp, pictures of a small boy being hugged by a witch and a wizard, all laughing merrily.

She felt a heavy weight inside her chest and silently prayed for Moody, Shacklebolt and the other Aurors to find the kid and to find him alive.

_He'll be a monster, though_, she thought grimly_, just like the one who attacked him._

Rage boiled inside Tonks, forcing her to concentrate on the task she was supposed to do. She looked outside the window, where the bloody footprints of the werewolf continued in the direction to the forest. By the looks of it, it had been dragging something – someone – with it.

She went out to Recollect on that part of the scene. There were also human footprints, clearly visible in the snow, undoubtedly from Aurors, following the wolf's. She continued looking around, taking in the details, the ice under Siegfried's window seemed somehow flatter, probably where the werewolf had been waiting, crouched; the window showed no signs of having been forced, maybe it had been the kid himself who had opened it. Tonks flinched and focused on the prints on the snow again, following the trail into the forest.

Some moments later she stopped on her tracks, something was wrong. Under the light coming from the tip of her wand the trail was not as clear as before, nonetheless there were the signs of four paws going into the forest, circling the high bushes. There was no sign of dragging, though. The werewolf had been on its own.

_The kid is here_, she thought with a start. _Somewhere here._

Tonks started looking around, desperately. There were no blood trails now, no signs of a struggle. The scarce snow in this part of the forest was dirty, mixed with earth and dry leaves; it was very difficult to distinguish anything. She went back a couple of meters and continued looking around. The trail seemed to go casually near some frozen bushes, she came near and murmured "_Reducto_", pointing her wand at the plant.

There he was, laying in the snow, the small boy from the photograph. Or what was left of him. His face was covered with blood and had three parallel deep cuts that deformed his once handsome features, his arm was placed in a very unnatural angle, his legs were full of smaller cuts and there was a great wound between his shoulder and his neck, where the werewolf had bitten him. The blood on the wounds was dry, probably because of the cold air.

Tonks crouched beside the kid and very carefully searched for a pulse in his neck. There it was, weak and slow. But it was there. Quickly she raised her wand and sent red sparks into the cloudless night, hoping that someone would notice. She needed to fetch a Medi-Wizard, but she did not want to leave the kid alone. She was not sure she could carry him either, without hurting him further.

Looking down at the small unconscious boy she cast a _Scurgify_. Some of the blood vanished. Where were the frigging Aurors? Impatiently, she sent red sparks again and sat beside Siegfried's unconscious form.

Then she heard it. Heavy breathing, the soft sound of paws on the snow, a low animal growl. She stood up hastily between the kid and the place where the sound came from, with her wand at the ready.

She had seen pictures of werewolves before, both at school and during Auror training. She had learned they were much bigger than regular wolves, and that their shape was different somehow. Now she was realizing there was an ocean's distance between theory and facing the real thing. The creature's head was almost level with hers, and she had not read any description that could prepare her for the horror of looking at a werewolf's yellowish eyes, nor at its enormous fangs or at the clouds of putrid breath coming from its snout.

"_Stupefy!_" she yelled at it. The spell merely bounced off the monster's body.

That had been in the theory too. Just as giants, dragons and other magical creatures, the skin of a werewolf had additional protection against most spells.

The creature growled at her and even though she wanted to run away for dear life, she firmly stood her ground, ready and waiting for its next move.

In a fraction of a second, the wolf crouched and lunged towards her.

"_Protego!_" The spell worked this time and it was the werewolf who bounced to the ground after colliding with her Shield Charm.

Tonks took advantage of the momentary bewilderment of the creature in front of her and screamed "_Impedimenta!_". It continued moving but, for a moment, it did so very slowly, this spell had finally hit him, if only partially. He was getting closer though and she cast another _Protego_ just in time.

She was not as lucky though and, with the force of the werewolf's attack, she felt backwards on the snow. Her wand still pointing at the creature she cast another Shield Charm, trying to keep both herself and the kid lying behind under its protection.

Several loud _cracks_ sounded around her as at least three people yelled "_Stupefy!_". This time the werewolf felt to the ground, finally unconscious. Tonks heaved a deep sigh.

Shacklebolt and Robards hurried to take care of the werewolf, while Proudfoot was saying something about summoning a Medi-Wizard to take the boy to St. Mungo's. Moody approached Tonks, still lying on the snow, and extended one callous hand to help her up. She did not take it and practically jumped to her feet.

"WHAT ON EARTH TOOK YOU SO LONG?" she yelled at her Master, without pausing to think if this was a wise move; all her previous terror was canalising through pure rage. "I couldn't keep that thing away any longer, the kid could have been killed! I sent you sparks _ages_ ago and you just decided to ignore me? Don't you know me well enough to realize that if I am trying to summon you there is a reason?"

There was a ringing silence after her explosion, disturbed only by Tonks' own heavy breathing and the sound of the other Aurors who, oblivious to her screaming, were busying themselves around the kid and the wolf.

_Now I've done it_, she thought, feeling the last word hanging in the air as if it were reverberating against the woods. _Moody is gonna kick my sorry arse out of the training program._

Nonetheless she continued glaring at him, she was not going to humiliate herself any further and least of all, she was not going to show him how scared she had been and how relieved she was now to see him.

Moody's both magical and normal eyes were fixed on hers with an unreadable expression. He remained silent for a very long moment and she felt as if there was a quiet duel going on between them.

Finally, Mad-Eye Moody slowly raised a hand and patted her cheek gently.

"You did well, Tonks. Go home. I want to see those Memories with you tomorrow morning."

Without further ado, he turned around and limped towards the fallen werewolf the others were levitating. Tonks stood there, her knees shaking. Taking a deep steadily breath, she turned in the spot and Disapparated to her place.

The instant she felt the familiar air of her flat surrounding her, she collapsed on the floor, her thin frame shaking with her sobs.

* * *

**This incident is remembered in Lupin's Tale Ch 48.**


	25. She woke up, stiff and sore

She woke up, stiff and sore, to find out she was lying on the floor of her sitting room, her travel cloak still on and her wand an inch from her hand. She looked at the clock hanging on the wall, 5.28, she could not have been sleeping very long then.

Tonks stood up slowly and took off her cloak, taking in her dark surroundings. The memories of mere hours ago were fresh in her mind, the heavily wounded body of the boy, the putrid breath of the werewolf, her outburst at Moody. The way he had patted her cheek in an almost fatherly way…

She went to the kitchen and, knowing that she would not be able to fall asleep again, she made herself some strong coffee and a bowl of cereal. As she was sipping the steamy drink something that had nothing to do with Auror duty or werewolves flooded her mind. She had had a row with Marcus the night before too.

Standing up so quickly she hit the table with her foot, she went into her room and opened her wardrobe. There were only her clothes, and not a hint that, until the previous night, a man had been living there. She went to the bathroom as well, just as she had thought, there was only one toothbrush and no aftershave, or razor, or anything that was not strictly hers. Marcus had made a point in taking his stuff out of her flat as quick as possible.

Slowly walking back to the kitchen she asked herself why wasn't she feeling anything at all about the fact that his boyfriend had broken up with her. Sitting back and taking another sip of her coffee she realised that, in light of what had happened the night before, Marcus and his stupid ideas were something absolutely irrelevant. Not only in the big picture, but also in her small life.

She shrugged and drained her coffee. There was a long day lying ahead of her, she better be ready.

-

She made her way to Alastor Moody's cubicle in the Auror's Headquarters slowly. Since she had woken up so early, she arrived into the Ministry with plenty of time to find him, but that was not it. Tonks was terrified of meeting the old Auror after her outburst of the night before.

Surely, he had behaved in a strangely kind – though utterly abnormal – way afterwards, but that didn't mean anything in Tonks' opinion. 'Mad-Eye' Moody was unpredictable and in all the time she had been his trainee, she had never seen anybody talk to him the way she had yelled after the werewolf attack. She was going to pay for that outburst sooner or later and it would be a nice idea for her to take a leaf out of her Master's book: constant vigilance.

Moody was already there and she greeted her with an uncharacteristically subdued "Good morning, Sir".

He raised his eyebrows at her and the only reply she got was a heavy grunt.

Without a word, the Auror pointed to a stone basin on his desk. Tonks was familiar with the artefact, and silently, she touched her temple with the tip of her wand, concentrating on the memories she would have to show him. A silver line came out of her head, hanging from the wand; she placed the memories in the Pensieve where they began to swirl around.

Moody got up with certain difficulty and submerged his head into the greyish substance, neither liquid, nor gas.

Tonks waited patiently, replaying the memories herself in her mind's eye, even though she would rather forget a good deal of what had happened the night before. After a moment, Moody's head emerged from the basin.

"This is incomplete."

"I'm sorry?" Tonks looked at him startled.

"You haven't given me the memory of the werewolf attacking you."

Tonks felt her blushing.

"That wasn't part of the Recollection, Sir, I though it wouldn't be-"

"Give me the memory, trainee Tonks," Moody said with that voice she knew so well, the commanding tone that was virtually impossible to refuse. Both of the man's eyes were fixed on her.

With an involuntary sigh, Tonks placed her wand on her temple again and threw a new memory into the Pensieve. Moody bent over without another word. After a much shorter time, he stood up again and looked at her.

"I see…" he muttered, staring fixedly at his young trainee. She felt she should say something, to excuse her behaviour in some way.

"I… I acted on instinct, Sir. I knew the curse would bounce, but I had to try, and there was the boy too, but I don't know if I could've…"

"The werewolf is here," Moody prompted all of a sudden.

"He- here?" Tonks asked, feeling terror creeping up her spine, making the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

"As a human, of course, having past the effects of the full moon. We brought him in last night to interrogate him before his trial."

She narrowed her eyes. _Why is Moody telling me this?_

"I am the one in charge of the interrogation. I want you to come with me."

Tonks nodded, flabbergasted. She was barely a second year trainee, she was not supposed to have contact with the prisoners so early in her training. _What is Moody trying to do?_

Without another word, he turned around to exit the cubicle and Tonks followed. They went down into the bottom level, where the big courtrooms were located, and continued deeper into a dark narrow corridor. There were a few cells to accommodate prisoners waiting for a trial or to be sent to Azkaban.

Without warning, as usual, Moody came into a halt and Tonks, distracted with her own memories of the night before, collided with him.

"Sorry, Sir."

He did not pay any attention but blurted: "I want to know how you feel about this."

"I… Why is it important?" Tonks replied a bit more harshly than she had intended to.

"First lesson on Interrogating a suspect, trainee Tonks, you must first be aware of your own feelings towards him or her. Let's hear them, then."

Tonks gritted her teeth and clenched her hand into fists, she could feel her fingernails digging into the skin of her palms.

"I want to see that filthy beast rotting in Azkaban."

With a sudden movement that made her jump, Moody roughly grabbed her shoulder and pinned her to the wall.

"Wrong!" he bellowed. "You're not ready."

She looked at him, with her eyes wide open in shock.

"What's wrong with that?" she asked without being able to hide the resentment in her voice.

Moody, his hand still on her shoulder, glared at her with his normal eye, while the magical blue one pointed to one of the cell doors.

"Haven't you learned anything at all? At school? Here? In your life?" he whispered, fury ringing in every word. "Haven't you learned about prejudice? About rushed judgements? Is that multicoloured head of yours so thick that you haven't let anything penetrate it in all this years?"

"Excuse me?" Tonks said indignantly. "I _do_ know about werewolves, I have rea-"

"You don't know _anything_ about the man sitting in that cell. You won't know anything, even if you interrogate him for hours, if you don't rid your mind of all the prejudice, of all the emotions, of all your beliefs, and of every stupid, insubstantial fact you've read in your entire life."

She stared at Moody, unblinking.

"Second lesson: before entering the interrogation room, you have to forget everything you know. Everything."

"Even what I've-"

"Even the facts you've witnessed, even the proofs you've gathered. You will be allowed to recall them later." Moody removed his hand from her shoulder and took a step back.

Tonks looked at him trying to understand, trying to do as she was told, trying to forget the beast, the wounded kid, the dirty snow. Moody's glance was the only thing that remained and it was the now familiar mismatched faced she chose to focus on.

"How do you feel about this?" he asked again.

"We have to hear what he has to say," she answered flatly, trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to sound convincing to her Master.

Moody grunted and turned around. She followed without hesitation.


	26. The man sitting on the wooden chair

There was no resemblance to the enormous beast in the thin man sitting on the wooden chair inside the cell. Someone had lent him old robes and he was wrapped in them, looking gloomily at one dirty corner of the room. The sound of the door opening made him jump and Tonks could see fear and tiredness in his lined face. His pallid blue eyes were haunted and it looked as if he were in pain. Yes, it was very difficult indeed to relate this man to the werewolf she had fought the night before.

Moody conjured two chairs in front of the man and sat on one, indicating Tonks to do the same.

"What is your name?" asked the Auror, his voice calm. The man looked at him in confusion for an instant, then he spoke hoarsely.

"Marius. Why am I here?" he asked suddenly. There was some kind of bravado trying to show itself above the fear.

"Marius what?" Moody asked, ignoring the man's question.

"What am I doing here? I want out!"

"It would be considerably easier for you if you cooperate with us. You are not getting out for a while, that's for sure."

For a moment the harsh, defiant look on Marius face flickered.

"What did I do?" he whispered.

"What is your surname?" 'Mad-Eye' asked, ignoring his question again.

"Terrance," he muttered. "What did I do?"

Moody did not answer, instead he looked at Tonks. She was not sure what was he asking from her until he said: "Care to fill Mr. Terrance in on what he did last night."

She looked at him for a fraction of a second. And a question she realised she used to ask herself frequently popped into her mind. _Is he mad?_

Tonks knew she had to obey nonetheless, and, making an enormous effort to look into the werewolf face instead of the tip of her combat boots, she started talking with a flat voice..

"Last night you transformed into a werewolf, attacked a small kid. You tried to-" she interrupted herself. _Just the facts, "rid your mind of all the prejudice, of all the emotions, of all your beliefs"_, she said to herself. "You bit him and then you dragged him into the woods, where you abandoned him. Later, you went back to the place where you had left him and attacked an Auror."

She looked briefly at Moody's eyes and he gave the tiniest of nods, while looking at the prisoner fixedly with his electric blue eye.

"Do you remember any of this?" Moody asked.

"No," he said. Tonks was surprised and she was not sure if she believed this statement at all. She had to do some serious research on werewolves. "I never remember what happens when I transform."

"But you do remember what happens just before?" Moody asked harshly. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I… I don't know what you're talking 'bout."

"Oh, but I think you do." Tonks had heard Moody angry with her, or exasperated but that had nothing to do with the calm coolness of his voice, that was now sending a chill down her spine. She suspected that even though he did not let anything show up, there was rage boiling inside her Master.

Then she remembered. A small piece of information from her Recollections. There had been a place in the snow, right under Siegfried's window. Somebody, or something, had been waiting there.

"He had been waiting under the window," she whispered, more to herself. She could picture the scene clearly in her mind. A man, crouched on the snow under a window, waiting for the moon to rise, waiting for that transformation, waiting to attack his pray.

Moody turned suddenly to face her and raised an eyebrow.

"There was smashed snow under the kid's window," Tonks said quietly, trying to hide the quivering in her voice. "Someone had been there for a while."

The Auror did not say a word and Tonks felt she had blew it badly. She should not have spoken out of time.

"Are you familiar with the moon cycles?" Moody was asking the detainee.

Marius snorted.

"I'm a werewolf, old man, what kind of question is that?"

Moody ignored the way Marius had just addressed him and continued.

"So you are familiar with them, then?"

"'Course."

"Then, Marius," Moody continued, as if he was explaining something very easy to an exceptional unintelligent small boy. "You knew that last night was going to be full moon?"

Marius Terrance looked uncomfortable. Tonks could sense him trying to gather his bravado again.

"I did, yeah, what about it?" Marius snapped.

"Was this your first full moon as a werewolf, Marius?" Moody asked, both eyes fixed on the prisoner.

"No, I've been one for fourteen years."

"Then," the old Auror pressed on. His voice was rising a bit, apparently it was a very hard task, even for him, to keep his emotions under control at this point. "Don't you know enough to place yourself _away_ from human beings before you transform?"

Marius looked at Moody in silence, then at Tonks, then at him again. Nobody said a word. After a long moment the Auror spoke again.

"You knew you were about to transform. You wanted to get to the kid. You placed yourself near the house, near _humans_. You waited, as a human, for the transformation to occur." His voice was even, but there was distinct hatred in every word.

"I… I… What if I did?" he said, but this time his voice was shaken.

"The kid is dead."

Tonks gasped, she could not help it. In the light of her present situation, she had almost forgotten that the child, Siegfried, had been taken to St. Mungo's, that he was badly hurt.

_Now he's dead._ She thought with a pang of guilt.

Moody had ignored yet again and kept on asking questions to Marius. She wasn't listening anymore.

They had been summoned, a whole bunch of Aurors, they had gotten the werewolf… and yet, the kid was dead. She remembered the room she had been into just the night before, the blood-covered sheets, the toy broomstick, the children book on the bedside table.

She stood up, Moody looked at her but she turned around quickly. She did not want to see his disapproving look, and least of all, she did not want him to see the tears in her eyes.


	27. Days off had been so rare

_Summer 1993_

Days off had been so rare in the last months that when Tonks was faced with one, she had a very strange feeling of emptiness, of not knowing what to do while wanting to take full advantage of those few free times. She needed to rest, and she needed to do something other than researching on the cases her office was working on, in order to get the feeling she had a life. So at the end what usually happened was that she loaded herself with a variety of activities that did nothing but left her even more tired at the end of the day.

Now she had been at her parents' and her mother, as usual, had given her a lecture on not working too much and on getting her necessary sleep hours. Tonks had refrained from arguing and only rolled her eyes at her mother, for she knew that the fastest way to end the lecture was to let her go on until she would eventually get tired.

Tonks was past the point of wondering why nobody understood what it was to be part of the Auror training program. She had finally given up on her own lectures about "my time is not my time anymore" and "emergencies don't occur during office hours". Now she would just nod vaguely at the mention of her excessive duties while thinking about something else, like Quidditch scores or race broomsticks, for instance.

Back in her flat she was lying on her couch, reading a heavy book on wandless magic and trying to perform a summoning charm this way with no result whatsoever. It was pointless, of course, she was very tired. And maybe it would be better for her just to give in.

She was starting to doze off when she suddenly heard the familiar taps on her window, she looked resignedly at the owl outside her flat. Of course, it was her day off, it was just logical for her to get summoned.

The note was as brief as only Moody's messages could be.

_My place, now. Bring chocolate._

She had to read the last two words several times to make sure she was understanding them.

_Chocolate? Is this a new code I'm not aware of?_, she thought while getting her jeans on and changing her camisole for a plain black tank top. Finally she put her cloak on and went downstairs the Muggle way to get several bars of regular chocolate from the store around the corner. She was still not sure if those two words on the note meant something else or not, but she was not going to risk showing up without it.

Getting hastily into an alley and checking that there were no Muggles that might spot her, she Apparated in Moody's front yard. He was waiting for her, of course, but there was no trace of his usual roughness, nor did he seem particularly eager to go… wherever they were going now. He was looking at the skies and, if Tonks did not know him better, she would have though he was trying to see funny shapes on the clouds.

"Wotcher, Sir," she greeted, not sure of which demeanour should she adopt, that would match her Master's mood.

"Did you bring the chocolate?" Moody asked, without bothering with greetings.

"Yeah," she said, handing him a paper bag full of dark bars.

Moody gave the contents of the bag a mildly interested look, nodded and put the lot into one inner pocket of his robes. She smiled in relief, seeing that it had not been a code after all and she had got it right. There was something wrong though. Moody looked at her again with an unreadable expression, but he said nothing.

"Sir?" she asked tentatively, "where are we going?"

He gave a deep sigh that sounded like a snore and muttered just one word: "Azkaban."

Tonks raised her bright violet eyebrows, she had never been to the wizard prison before but she had read enough about it to know it was one of the foulest places in the Wizarding World. She also knew that was not a place you would go to on your average trip; for once, you need special clearances even to get to the place.

he felt a cold chill running down her spine, she was not sure if she was ready to face it.

Now that she thought about it, the request for chocolate made sense. They were going to a dwelling full of Dementors and she knew that chocolate was the best antidote to the effects those creatures provoked. She should have guessed where were they heading and yet, it all was so uncommon.

"There has been a break out," Moody said suddenly, making her come back from her own reflections.

_He must be joking!_

"But that's impossible!" she choked out.

"And yet, he managed to escape," the Auror said in a thoughtful tone, scratching his scarred chin with the back of his hand.

"He?" Tonks asked, even though she could feel the answer hovering over them before Moody spoke.

"Sirius Black."

_Sirius Black._

The two words had had the effect of a punch in the guts, a club in the back of her head and a kick in her calf all at once. Sirius Black, _Sirius_ had escaped Azkaban. Tonks cleared her throat, she was not going to show Moody the inner chaos she was battling.

"How?" she asked, regretting at once to have lost the strength in her voice.

Moody stared at the clouds again, frowning.

"You can never think you've seen it all, it's ever growing, you see?"

Tonks looked at him, puzzled.

"The dark arts," he went on. "I can't think of another way... actually, I can think of several ways but none of them make sense!"

She waited for a moment, but he did not elaborate.

"And what do we have to do, Sir?"

The old Auror looked like someone acting against his better judgement. His magical eye was looking inside his own skull while the normal one was now staring at his feet.

"We are going to Recollect," he finally said. He remained silent for a while, as if he was trying to decide if he should speak any further or not. At last he fixed both his eyes at hers. "The Auror Department feels that you should come too, as part of your training."

Tonks thought about it for a moment. Except for those first interviews when she had been applying to enter the training program, she had not heard any further mention of her mother's relatives. She had been as naïve as to think they had forgotten about her relationship with the Blacks and the Lestranges. Now she was forced to see the fact that they had not forgotten at all. Apparently this was their idea of a way for Tonks to prove herself.

_Well_, she thought fiercely, _if that is the case, I'm going to prove them once and for all where my allegiances lay._

"I don't think you should go," Moody carried on, "but I have received a direct order to take you along with me."

"Why do you think I shouldn't go? Haven't I proven myself capable… Sir?" Tonks asked indignantly.

"This has nothing to do with your capability, trainee Tonks!" Moody spat in a very harsh tone, hitting the ground with the end of his cane.

Tonks looked at him and even though she knew she had to show him respect, she was sure there was an air on defiance in her stand.

"This is about relations!" Moody continued. "No Auror or trainee should face their own family! It's dangerous for the mission, for the Department and for the trainee in question!"

"He's no family of mine." Tonks said with a strained voice, clenching her teeth.

Moody looked at her for a long moment. Would he refuse to take her even though the Department had ordered him to.

Then, without saying a word, he stretched out his arm. She took it and both Disapparated.


	28. Damp air and the scent of the sea

The first thing Tonks felt was the damp air all around her and the metallic scent of the sea. The waves under the cliff that hosted Azkaban prison were crashing loudly against the rocks and the wind was blowing fiercely around the fortress. They had Apparated in a small courtyard flanked by stone archways at both sides. There was an inscription carved on the top of the one leading to the prison: _All pain is a punishment, and every punishment is inflicted for love as much as for justice_.

Tonks read it a couple of times, not sure if she was getting the meaning of it. The word "love" was quite at odds with the place, she was at least certain of that, and she could not stop thinking that the phrase had an air of mocking irony.

She could not consider the mysterious sentence any further, though, for the moment they passed the archway she started feeling a chilly mist that had nothing to do with the damp sea air. A tall, black hooded figure came into view from the high of a flight of stairs carved in the cliff.

The figure glided down the stairs and approached them. Tonks wrapped her travelling cloak tighter around her body with no effect whatsoever. The cold was taking over her and she clenched her teeth, feeling they were about to start chattering. Nasty memories were starting to flood her head, the first time she had been told off by her mother, her first detention at school, that terrible afternoon at the library during her third year in which she had learned about her mother's family, the fear of not being able to become an Auror.

Her mother sobbing in the kitchen, his father clutching an edition of the _Daily Prophet_. _He won't be allow to say goodbye to us, would he?_. A face with the look of a madman, looking at her from the paper.

_I have to stop this_, she thought fiercely. _I can't let them get me._

Meanwhile Moody had limped towards the hooded figure and had showed him his Auror badge. Tonks assumed the Dementor would sense it somehow for she knew they were blind. It turned around without making a sound other than its rattling breath, and gliding ahead of them up the stairs. Tonks hurried to go behind Moody.

Up the stairs they went until they came to a small iron gate. The Dementor put a rotting hand on the latch and it opened with a loud creak.

The inside was dark, with a terrible smell of dampness, dirty human bodies and rotten meat. Somewhere in the distance, there was the sound of dripping water on the stone floor. Besides that rhythmical noise, the heavy silence of the place was eerie. It seemed as if it was empty, as if everything was dead.

Tonks emotions were now threatening to overtake her. Of course, there were many more Dementors inside, triggering her worst memories and sucking up the happiness inside her. Thinking about cheerful memories was not helping for they seemed to disappear the moment she formed them in her head.

No, what she needed was something neutral, not happy or sad or angry. She needed thoughts free of emotions, thoughts the Dementors would not be able to fed upon.

_Thirteen times two, twenty-six; thirteen times three, thirty-nine; thirteen times four, fifty-two._

She would have smiled at this wonderful idea, but somehow she could still feel like she would not be able to smile again. Ever. Nonetheless, she had to be strong so she continued reciting to herself the multiplication tables, the one thought so dull and neutral, no Dementor would find remotely interesting.

Their guide was already at the end of the corridor and she and Moody followed. They climbed up a flight of spiral stairs, higher into what seemed to be the high security cells. Suddenly there was a desperate scream, an inhuman sound, coming from a floor above. The reverberating of it in the stone walls made Tonks mind go blank again and despair took over. She could not move.

Moody turned around to face her, he was looking pale too, but he had an air of determination Tonks wished she could maintain under present circumstances.

"You alright, lass?" he grunted.

"Fine," she muttered hastily, shaking her head, "fine."

_Seventeen times five, eighty-five; seventeen times six, one hundred and two..._

The Dementor stopped at the highest landing of the spiral stair, it pointed to a cell, then he turned around to drift back down the stairs, leaving them alone. Tonks could instantly feel some of the chill receding and the feeling of emptiness giving way to horror, but to curiosity as well.

Moody limped towards it and Tonks followed suit, taking glimpses of people through the windows of the other cells in the corridor. Most of them were crouched in a corner of their cells, or simply lying on the cold stone floor.

Outside the stone cell there was a dirty sign in which someone had hastily scribbled "Sirius Black" followed by a number. The wooden door was open and Tonks entered behind Moody. It was a very small cell, with a lump of ragged blankets in a corner and a very small circular window high above head level. It would be impossible for anyone to look out of it, and even by doing so, she could assume that the only thing in view would be the greyish sea that surrounded Azkaban.

"You know what you have to do," Moody said with a voice softer than his usual grunts. "I'll be outside."

Tonks nodded and started taking in the small cell. The smell was stronger in here but there was something else, another aroma, a more personal one. Just mere hours ago Sirius Black, her once favourite cousin – _he is no family of mine_, she forced the thought in her head – had been there. He had lived in this cell for the last twelve years and, if everything had gone as planned, he would have died in here too.

_How did he managed to escape?_

Tonks looked around. The door looked intact, except for small markings on the inside, it looked as if Black had scratched it with his fingernails. Tonks flinched at the thought. She looked closer at the lock. There was no way it could have been opened from the inside when locked, so the only way of getting out this cell was when the door was already open, but then there would have been the Dementors, at least one standing in the door frame and who knows how many of them in the fortress.

Somebody in the next cell screamed making her jump. It was a woman's voice.

"Master! Please, Master! I am your most faithful… your most…" the voice trailed off and then the woman started laughing madly, the sound gave Tonks goose bumps.

She tried to focus again. There was not much to do and not many things to see, but she examined every inch of the cell walls anyway, pushing them with her hands to check for holes or fissures. Then she saw something unexpected. Next to the dirty blankets there was something carved in the stone, small figures clumsily traced. One of them looked like an elk or maybe a deer, and there were other two four legged creatures. There was also a small snitch, a broomstick, a motorcycle. Tonks stared at this last scrawl and without noticing, she sat on the filthy floor and started tracing it, the seat, the tires, the small handle.

"_And when I grow up would you let me ride your motorcycle?" she had asked him._

"_All right, all right!"_

She reached for her wallet in her jeans back pocket and took out of it a very ancient piece of newspaper. A photograph portraying a family, a family of murderers. Remembering her hatred, her fury, her _need_ to do something right, she fought back the tears that just seconds ago were filling her eyes, and, with a deep steady breath she called.

"I'm done, Sir."


	29. A new activity

Somewhere she had read that the opposite of love was not hate, but indifference. It was strange how that silly sentence kept creeping into her mind this days.

The Auror office had found her a new activity, as part of her training, and it had nothing to do with Dementors, dampened fortresses, or werewolves. It was about permanent Sticking charms and propaganda.

It had taken her almost an entire week and who knew how many pounds of Honeydukes Finest to recover from her trip to Azkaban with Moody, and the Auror Department was not trying to make things any easier for her. They had not waited even 24 hours from her return from the prison to give her this new task in the form of a five foot high stack of parchment, all displaying the same moving photograph of a sunken-faced man with untidy shoulder-length black hair.

She had been instructed to go to every magic dwelling in Britain in order to paste wanted signs, displaying the face of Sirius Black.

The face of the cousin she had once, long ago loved, and then hated for years, now produced in her nothing more than indifference and a bit of exasperation, not towards him but to the very annoying task which he had brought about. Who would have thought that there were so many magical dwellings in the country?

On top of that, she had to prepare herself for the trials that would decide if she should continue with her third and last year as an Auror trainee; and between Portkeys and spins around the Floo Network, sometimes she caught herself wishing she was a Muggle, if only so she would have to take a train or a plane or something that would force her to stay put for a least a couple of hours and study.

The week of the trials finally came and Tonks faced it with the very uncomfortable sensation of not being ready for anything, mixed with extreme tiredness after a couple of weeks in which she had hardly had any sleep.

In opposition to her first year trails, that had been directed by Moody and Shacklebolt, this time it had been a whole committee ready to test her. Even Rufus Scrimgeour, the new appointed Head of the Auror Office, had been there. While they were interrogating her on various subjects, Tonks could not help but suspect that this had more to do with the recent escape of Sirius Black than with a genuine interest in her performance. No matter what she would do to prove her loyalty to the Office, the mistrust from many of its members was evident and she was getting tired of it.

Now she was in Moody's office, pacing and waiting for the results and absolutely convinced that between her rotten family bonds and the nasty report Dawlish was going to give on her disastrous display in Stealth and Tracking, there was a good possibility the committee would decide to fail her.

Finally she could hear her Master's uneven steps coming down the corridor. She froze as he entered the office and closed the door behind him with an unreadable expression.

"Sir?" she said, unable to contain her anxiety.

Moody sighed deeply.

"I failed, didn't I?" she asked with a quivering voice.

"No, you didn't, lass," he answered abruptly, but his expression was at odds with the good news; he seemed angry and a bit worried.

"Then…?"

"They want to interrogate you with Veritaserum."

Tonks waited for the statement to sink in. _Me? Veritaserum?_

"Why me, Sir?"

"Because the committee feels that there might be something you know about Sirius Black or your family and that you might be hiding from them… from us."

"But that's bollocks!" Tonks cried indignantly.

"That's not it." Moody said in a harsh voice, looking at her sternly. "If you are not willing to do it, the committee will fail you."

Tonks gasped looking at him in disbelieve. After all she had done, the office did not trust her yet, that had been made very clear. But how long would it take for them to stop thinking she was a Dark Wizard in the making? What would they force her to do to prove her loyalty?

"Why is it so hard for all of you to trust me?" she asked with a much calmer voice now, though still unable to hide her indignation.

Moody glared at her with contempt.

"Just for you to be informed, trainee Tonks, _I_ do not approve the use of Veritaserum unless the suspect presents enough evidence to believe he or she is guilty."

She looked at him and now she could see it in his face. He disagreed with the decision of the committee, but apparently he was being forced to get along with it. Moody trusted her.

"Well," she said slowly, "if that is what it takes for me to pass the trials, I'll do it. I have nothing to hide."

"Do you realise," Moody asked, "that they are going to dig into any secret you might have, any ounce of a feeling you might harbour, any personal memory?"

"I know," she said calmly.

Moody's magical eye scanned her face, but she had the feeling he was somehow looking into her thoughts as well.

"Let's go then."

"Now?" she asked with a hint of panic in her voice.

"Now."

Something she had learned about interrogation of a suspect was that the setting was important. If intimidation was needed, it was essential to provide an adequate atmosphere for the suspect to feel unsure and even scared.

She had to admit that the committee was overdoing it this time. They were in one of the smaller courtrooms, in the lower level of the Ministry of Magic. The bare stone walls were illuminated with pending torches whose flickering lights produced strange shadows all around the room. On entering, she realized there were two big Hit-Wizards guarding the doors and she mentally thanked her almost non-existent luck that Marcus was not one of them. The situation was humiliating enough without having to face an ex-boyfriend with whom she could not yet manage to have a civil conversation.

She had been indicated to give her wand to one of the Hit-Wizards and she was feeling terribly exposed without it.

Tonks was instructed to sit on a hard wooden stool and in front of her, at a large table, were Rufus Scrimgeour, the nasty toad-like faced witch who, she knew, was named Dolores Umbridge and the Minister for Magic himself. Shacklebolt and Moody were there as well, but the first was making a point on keeping his mouth shut while the second one had refused to sit at all. That gave Tonks a small jolt of relief.

For the first time since she knew Moody, she realized that, along with the enormous respect he inspired in the young witch, he was also beginning to grow on her.

And then she downed the colourless potion in front of her with one gulp and almost instantly felt it working. She had been submitted to the Imperious Curse by Moody on several occasions, to help build a resistance to it, so she was very familiar with the wonderful feeling of emptiness and calm it provided. Veritaserum was no different.

Without any apparent reason, she was not tired anymore, not anxious, not even interested on why was she there or what were they going to ask of her. _Whatever_, was the only thought she seemed to be able to form.

Rufus Scrimgeour cleared his throat.

"What is your name?"

"Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks," she said in a flat voice, free of expression or emotion. So, she hated her name, but… _whatever._

"Your age?"

"Twenty years old."

"How long have you been a trainee in the Auror Department?"

"Two years."

The Minister, Cornelius Fudge, spoke now.

"What is your relation with Sirius Black?"

"He is my mother's first cousin."

"Would you care to elaborate on your relationship with Black?"

"He used to come around my house when I was little," she started as if she was reciting something learned by heart. There was no emotion in her statement, no interest on the information she was giving away. "He used to play with me. The last time I saw him I was 8 years old. It was a couple of weeks before the murder. The last thing I knew about him was the information in the _Prophet_ that I read years after his capture_._ At least, until two weeks ago, when I learned he escaped from Azkaban."

"Have you had any contact with Sirius Black during that time, between his imprisonment and his escape?"

"No, I haven't."

It seemed it was Umbridge's turn now.

"How do you feel about him?" she asked with an irritating soft voice, dripping with a sickly sweet kindness.

"I want him back in Azkaban for the rest of his days," Tonks continued in the same flat voice. _What is the point of all this?_

"No, no. You did not understand me, Miss Tonks. How did you feel about him back then? When you were little?"

Moody grunted loudly but no one seemed willing to pay him the slightest attention.

"I really liked him." _Maybe I should not be saying this but… oh, whatever._ "I used to think he was the best cousin ever."

Umbridge smiled triumphantly before continuing.

"Did you know, trainee Tonks, that you mother had written the Ministry on several occasions, asking for a trial for Sirius Black?"

_Oh, whatev-… What?_

"Excuse me?" something inside Tonks' brain seemed to be wanting her to pay closer attention. All of a sudden, her voice was not flat anymore and she was starting to feel something other than indifference, something strong, boiling inside her.

"Your mother, Andromeda Tonks, has sent letters to the Ministry, on a regular basis, asking us to hold a trial for Black. She had been asking the Wizengamot to give him a chance to prove his innocence." Umbridge gave a soft, high-pitched laugh at that, as if she was talking about the very funny actions of a deluded person.

"I had no idea my mother was doing such a thing. If I had known, I would have tried to stop her."

"And why is that, trainee Tonks?" asked Scrimgeour.

"Because I believe Black is guilty, I think he deserves to die in prison and I am going to do whatever it takes to bring him back to justice."

"Kingsley?" Scrimgeour asked.

"I don't have any questions, Sir," he said in his deep, calm voice.

"We are done, then." Scrimgeour said, and with a flick of his wand, he conjured a glass with a crimson liquid in it. "Drink it, trainee Tonks. It's the antidote for the Veritaserum."

She obliged hastily. In a matter of seconds the emotions took over again, the slight fear, the tiredness, and now rage. An unbelievable rage against her mother.

"You may go, then," Cornelius Fudge said. "Please contact Auror Moody tomorrow morning for your results."

Without pausing to say goodbye, she stood up hastily and snatching her wand from the Hit-Wizard at the door, she almost ran to the apparition point in the Atrium. Her mother was going to hear her alright.

* * *

**Cameo appearance in Lupin's Tale Ch 37.**


	30. The loud crack of the Apparition

The loud _crack _of the Apparition reverberated in the small sitting room.

"Mother?" Tonks called.

"Sweetie, is that you?"

Trying to control her fury, she walked into the kitchen where the voice was coming from. Her mother was busying herself at the stove, wearing a pin-stripped apron and pointing at a bubbling cauldron with the tip of her wand.

"How did the trials go?"

"Bollocks, mother!"

"Language, Nymphadora," Andromeda said automatically. "Were they that bad?"

"They… no, that's not the point!"

"Then what is it?"

Tonks took a deep breath, it was no use if she lost her temper from the beginning, not if she wanted her mother to listen to her.

"Have you been writing to the Ministry of Magic lately?" she asked, rising to her full high and using her most professional 'interrogation-of-suspects' tone.

Her mother looked puzzled for an instant. Then she squared her shoulders in a gesture much like her daughter's.

"Yes, I have."

"Have you been asking for a trial for Sirius Black?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I believe he's innocent."

Tonks felt as if her mother had hit her with her frying pan in the back of her head.

"Are you out of your frigging mind?!" she yelled, all professional coldness forgotten.

"Don't you talk to me like that, young lady."

"Do you have any idea of the position you have put me in?" Tonks continued, ignoring her.

"And what position is that?" Andromeda asked coolly.

"I've been interrogated today. With Veritaserum. And I don't know if I am going to make it to third year of training or not! All because I have been born in the filthiest wizarding family of all time _and_, in addition to that, because my own _mother_ had decided to publicly support a known mass-murderer!"

The older woman looked at her, speechless for once. Tonks was shaking, her fury so strong she felt she could smash every plate and cup in the kitchen if she had the opportunity.

"They used Veritaserum on you?" her mother asked quietly.

"Yes, they did. And I still don't know what will happen. Thanks to you."

Suddenly it was as if everything came crashing down, threatening to crush her, the long stressful weeks since her visit to Azkaban, the sleepless nights, the fear of failing the trials. She sat heavily on the kitchen table and buried her head in her hands.

A moment later, she felt her mother's hand on her shoulder rubbing it softly.

"I'm sorry, Dora," she muttered. "I never thought it would give you any trouble."

Tonks raised her head to look at her.

"Why? Why do you think he's innocent?" she whispered.

"Because I know him."

"You _think_ you know him."

"Maybe… but it goes down to the same conclusion. The Sirius I _think_ I know would rather die than betray his friends."

Tonks snorted.

"But he did, mum. He betrayed the Potters and then he killed 13 people. And do you know what he did then? He laughed! That's how the Hit-Wizards found him: laughing his guts out, surrounded by dead people, not even that, by _pieces_ of them!"

Andromeda bit her lip. Then she spoke softly.

"I don't know how much experience you have had on the field, how many suspects have you interrogated. I don't even know what they teach you but I will tell you something."

Tonks could see in her mother's grey eyes a force, a rare energy that seemed to irradiate from her.

"You have to learn to trust your feelings, Dora. This," she said, pointing at Tonks' heart, "is the only real thing you have to guide you. After you've seen and heard and experienced it all, it will be your heart you will have to listen to, for it will tell you what path to follow."

Andromeda gave a deep sigh.

"Mine tells me Sirius is innocent. Maybe I am mistaken, but I am willing to take that risk," she looked at Tonks gravely. "I apologize though. I shouldn't have put you through all that and I'll refrain from doing anything about Sirius' case from now on."

It was Tonks' turn to sigh now.

"Sounds good enough to me. I just wish somebody in the Ministry looked at it the same way as you do."

"It's going to be fine, Dora." Andromeda say with conviction.

"You're my mum, it's your job to think that way."

"Of course it is. And mum's always right."

Tonks snorted and her mother chuckled.

"Are you staying for dinner? It looks like you could use a few square meals and don't try to give me that nonsense about microwaves and Muggle instant food."

Tonks smiled at her.

"I won't. I'm starving."


	31. 1994 Keeping an eye on her quarry

_Summer 1994_

Keeping an eye on her quarry was far trickier than she expected, due to his uncommon ability of melting flawlessly into the Muggle world. If not for the fact that he was tall enough to keep his bolt head visible to the crowd, Tonks was sure she would have lost him long time ago.

After walking around Muggle London for a while, her pursued stopped in front of a small bar and entered. Tonks sighed. There was no way she could just waltz into the Leaky Cauldron without being recognised, she had to think something fast. Still walking, Tonks screwed up her face and transfigured her jeans and t-shirt, thankful that the Muggle street was almost deserted.

Tom, the barman, looked up at her from the counter and nodded without saying a word. Kingsley was disappearing in the back yard that lead to Diagon Alley, she had to hurry up.

"Just passing," she said in a vigorous voice and without pausing she went into the back alley. The brick gate was closing and hastily she tapped a couple of tiles with her wand, reopening it again. Her prey was no where to be seen.

_Bugger it all!_ She thought desperately. _He couldn't have gone far away, think!_

Apothecary, Magical Menagerie, Quidditch Supplies…

She decided she would try the first one and fortunately there he was. The tall figure of Kingsley Shacklebolt was pointing at something over the counter to the attendant. Tonks pretended to examine a jar full of fingernails on a shelf, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

After a quick talk with the shop attendant, he finally left the premises. Now was the moment Tonks was dreading the most and her fears became founded when her quarry walked to the entrance of an alley not far from the Apothecary and Disapparated.

With a sigh, she pointed her wand at the spot were Kingsley's feet hat been seconds before and frowned in concentration, focusing on a non-verbal spell. Then, she pointed the tip to her own head and casted a Disillusionment Charm on herself, feeling the tickling sensation running down her body. Looking down she saw she was the exact colour of the stone tiles in Diagon Alley. Closing her eyes, she Disapparated into the unknown.

The Tracking Charm could be very useful when following someone that had just Disapparated, it followed the trace left by the Apparition itself but, other than being very tricky to perform, it had to be done right after the subject had vanished, before the traces could disappear.

There was another disadvantage, the one performing the charm would be unable to know beforehand the place he or she was going to Apparate to. That was the first thing Tonks thought as she felt water all around her. She had Apparated directly next to a pond and, on taking her first step, she had tripped headfirst into the water.

The pond was not deep and it was a muddy silhouette that emerged from it, crouching in the high weed of the border, trying to hide. Since the Disillusionment Charm was pointless if she was covered in mud, she undid it and, still hidden behind the vegetation, Tonks finally glanced around.

There was a small house, the last one from a long line of identical buildings, right on the outskirts of a forest. It was surrounded by a slightly overgrown garden with bushes of colourful flowers. It looked just like the other houses down the road, small, clean, _homey_. Tonks shook her head slowly, this did not look at all like the idea she had about the place Kingsley Shacklebolt would live in.

_I always thought he was more the downtown-flat type._

Then she reminded herself that she did not know if this was his place indeed. There was no trace of Shacklebolt, she stood upright for a moment she casted a hastily cleaning spell on herself. Concentrating on specific shapes in her mind, she morphed into an old lady and then she pointed at her robes, to Transfigurate her patched jeans and t-shirt into a tweed jacket and a maroon skirt.

Walking slowly down the street she reached the mailbox. _Shacklebolt_.

_This is it, I've found his place._

Smiling in satisfaction, she turned around in the spot and Disapparated into her own flat.

The second day of pursuit was much trickier. Shacklebolt seemed to enjoy walking at an unbelievable quick pace and always in very crowded Muggle streets. For a moment she thought he knew he was being followed but that was just impossible if she was to believe what Dawlish had told her about the task she would have to perform in order to qualify in Stealth and Tracking.

She had to successfully follow an Auror for three days in a row while he remained oblivious to the fact that he was being followed. In theory it would be like doing the real thing. Kingsley Shacklebolt had been chosen and Tonks was now wondering if Dawlish had picked the Auror with the fastest pace on purpose, just to annoy her.

On top of it all, this time, when he went into a dark alleyway and Disapparated, an old lady went out a small lateral door to take out the garbage, forcing Tonks to wait in order to perform the Tracking Charm. Too late, though. When she reached the spot from which her quarry had gone, there were no traces to follow. She had not been fast enough. She had lost him.

She could not, though. She needed to find him right away, otherwise it would mean just one thing: failure, and that was not an option. Tonks morphed her features, Transfigured her clothes hastily, and Apparated into the Leaky Cauldron.

Feeling everything looked a tad bigger and taller from her new much smaller frame, she approached the bar. Tom, the barman, was looking the other way.

"Hem, hem."

He turned around hastily.

"Good afternoon, Tom," she said in a sweet, high-pitched voice, feeling disgusted with her own self.

"'Afternoon, Ma'am," he said with a flickering grin.

"I was looking for Auror Shacklebolt. I was supposed to meet him here, have you seen him?" Tonks said, hoping that Tom would not find this very lame excuse suspicious.

"'Sorry, Ma'am, I haven't seen him today."

"Thank you, Tom," she muttered with a soft smile and hurried out the premises.

"Won't you wait for him, Ms. Umbridge?" she heard the barman call after her, but did not pause to answer.

Almost panicking she morphed back. She had to find him, she was losing time. The most logical pace now was his house. Spinning on the spot, Tonks Disapparated.

She almost gave a very audible cry of joy at the sight of Shacklebolt's silhouette against the window of his house. There he was, chatting with his wife.

She tried to kid herself by repeating in her head that the extra research was only for her mission's sake, but the truth was that her curiosity had been piqued. So she had spent the morning scanning into the Ministry archives until she had found it. Shacklebolt's employee form: _Married to Diana Norris (Muggle)_. She had added this piece of information to the report she was going to hand Dawlish two days from now.

The third and last day Tonks was very optimistic. The task she had been dreading most was proving to be not quite as unmanageable as she had feared, and today she was ready to avoid the nasty surprises of the previous day.

Clutching the small silver object on her hand, she resumed pointing her wand to a mop, cleaning the floor. _Who would have thought that these silly household spells were bound to prove themselves useful during Auror training?_

Shacklebolt came out the lifts and walked to stand in the back of one of the queues in front of a fireplace, paying no attention to the navy-blue robed witch moping the floor. She spat the gum she had been chewing in her hand and stuck the shiny object to it, then Tonks drew her wand and very carefully levitated the small silver object to the underside of Shacklebolt's briefcase. With a small flick of her wand, she glued both chewing-gum and the object attached to it to the briefcase.

She knew that her plan had many flaws but she was willing to risk it nonetheless.

After Kingsley disappeared into the green flames shouting "the Leaky Cauldron", Tonks vanished the mop and the blue robes and followed suit.

* * *

"Do you mind, Miss Tonks?" Dawlish asked harshly without taking his eyes of the report he was reading.

"Excuse me?" she asked puzzled.

"Stop tapping the floor with your shoes!"

"Oh, right… sorry, Sir," she murmured, doing as she was told and biting her nails instead.

After several long moments, Dawlish finally left the parchment on his table and, without saying a word, went into the cabinet behind his desk and produced a stone basin Tonks was now very familiar with.

"I want, Miss Tonks," Dawlish ordered, "your memories on the third day, right before you lost the trail of Auror Shacklebolt."

Tonks lowered her shoulders. This was _exactly_ the part she did not want to share with anybody, less of all with Dawlish. Knowing that there was no point in refusing, she placed the tip on her wand on her temple and took a silvery substance that, oddly enough, seemed less than eager to abandon her head. She placed the memory in the Pensieve and watched, barely breathing, while Dawlish submerged his head on the substance.

When he emerged, there was a very nasty grimace in place. The Auror looked a bit amused but above all, he looked exasperated.

"You tripped and in doing so revealed yourself to the man you were supposed to be following?"

Tonks looked at him sheepishly.

"Yes, Sir, but-"

"Had this been a real mission, you would have blown it!" he bellowed.

"I am aware of _that_, Sir, but-"

"Your clumsiness endangers not only your position but it is also a threat to any mission you'd be in!"

"Listen to me!" Tonks yelled.

"Don't use that tone with me, trainee Tonks," Dawlish said with contempt. After a moment he added "Explain then."

"He did not realise it was me, nor that he was being followed! I morphed right on time."

"Into an old lady wearing jeans and a leather jacket!"

"I didn't have time to Transfigure my clothes, I had just tripped into a gutter!"

"My point exactly," Dawlish stated with a sneer.

"But Shacklebolt did bite it, didn't he?" Tonks continued, with a note of panic in her voice now. "He helped me stand up and he continued walking, he didn't realise it was me, he didn't know he was being followed."

"That was a stroke of luck, nothing more."

"I disagree, Sir," Tonks said, trying to steady her voice.

"You do, don't you?" Dawlish rose an eyebrow.

"Yes. I just used my own abilities to… to make up for my… for my clumsiness. It is as valid as anything," she finished defensively.

The Auror remained silent for a while.

"What I didn't understand is how you managed to follow him to that country road after losing his trail. What was that silvery object?"

"A Muggle tracking device," she prompted.

"A what?"

"A tracking device, Sir. You see, he had one… er… I managed to attach one under his briefcase, I had another one and so I could track his exact position. It works like a Tracking Charm of sorts. Just… it uses batteries. That is, electricity."

Dawlish was looking at her as if she had gone insane.

"You… you…" he stuttered. "You are telling me that you used a Muggle tracking-thingy to… to… Do you know what happens to electricitical things inside a magical dwelling?"

"I do, Sir," Tonks muttered, deciding not to point out that 'electricitical' was not a word, "they won't work."

"Exactly!" he screamed. "What would have happened if he had Apparated in Diagon Alley, or St. Mungo's or back into the Ministry?"

Tonks took a deep breath.

"Since he was Disapparating _from_ Diagon Alley, the chances he would go back to the same spot were close to zero. The other two were options, of course, but since Kingsley's wife is Muggle, I know for a fact he spends a lot of time in Muggle places."

"How do you know his wife is Muggle?" Dawlish asked immediately.

"Research on the subject, Sir," she answered. "I read all his files before starting the mission."

Dawlish looked at her for a long moment.

"I know it is a very faulty method," she added feeling that the silence was too heavy and she had to break it. "But I guessed I had to use every resource I could get my hands on, including Muggle ones."

The Auror continued looking at her silently. After several minutes he finally spoke.

"You may go, trainee Tonks."

Tonks gave a small start. She was not sure if she had given him the best impression.

"How did I do-?"

"I said you may go, Tonks!"

Without another word, she exited Dawlish's office and headed to the closest Muggle pub. She was going to have the largest coldest pint of beer she could get her hands on. Despite whatever thoughts Dawlish had about her performance, she had the feeling she had earned a break.


	32. It was a steaming liquid

Auror Proudfoot placed a goblet in front of her. It was a steaming liquid that smelled like hot chocolate. Even though she knew this was not exactly what it seemed, Tonks felt her mouth watering due to the appealing aroma.

"You ready?" he asked briskly.

She nodded.

"Cheers, then."

She took a deep breath and grabbed the goblet with a trembling hand. Closing her eyes she sipped it.

"Two nice good gulps will do the trick, Miss Tonks," she heard Proudfoot say and she obliged.

It tasted exactly like hot chocolate, the strong flavour if Honeyduke's Finest, slightly spicy with a hint of cinnamon in it. Except it was not.

She felt it right away, her concentration began to diminish. Inexplicably she started thinking about school, and house-elves and the wooden tiles in her flat. She looked up and saw Proudfoot smiling smugly.

She placed the goblet in the table a bit roughly and drew out her wand.

"_Accio cauldron!_"

The object flew to her table. She lit a fire under in with the tip of her want and took a deep breath. She had to focus, now more than never.

_I guess I have to get a carpet, those wooden tiles were nice at the beginning but I'm bored to see them. Yes, a nice purple carpet with- Focus! The potion!_ _Golpalott's Third Law_, she thought frowning. _I need to know the components of this potion._

She took the goblet again and tipped the fake hot chocolate into the cauldron. Summoning a set of glass vials, she started separating the ingredients of the contents of the goblet. The task was proving to be a very difficult one; she found her usually faulty concentration was now almost impossible to keep.

_Alright, this is Chocolate, Honeyduke's. I'd loved some chocolate mousse right now, with whipped cream and raspberries and… Bollocks! _She waved her wand in the direction of the cauldron again, a few green drops rose from the concoction and she put them into one of the vials.

_Venomous Tentacula beans. Treated to lessen the toxic effect. The antidote to these would be… Proudfoot does have a very ugly nose, I wonder if it always looked like this, I have to do that one the next time I morph. Moody's nose is ugly too, but I reckon he was handsome once, very very long ago._

She had placed her elbow on the table and was looking at her cauldron absentmindedly, with her chin on her hand.

_Ugliest nose ever? Snape's, that's for sure. All greasy, and hovering over the cauldrons in- Bugger it all! The potion!_

Making what seemed like a supreme effort, she managed to extract other three components of the concoction and placed them in vials. There was just a mud-like substance in the bottom of the cauldron.

She murmured softy with the tip of her wand on it and smiled when nothing happened. She now had all the ingredients of whatever it was that Proudfoot had made her drink.

_I'm so thirsty… I'd love some Pumpkin Juice right now. All this steam and heat and… why do Potion Masters always prefer the dungeons? It just doesn't make any sense, when it is so much better to see outside, the sun, the sky…_

"Mr. Blue Sky, just tell us why, you had to hide away for so long…" she started singing a bit off key.

From the corner of the room, where he was sitting in an armchair and reading a heavy volume, Proudfoot snorted.

"So long!" Tonks looked at him with a mischievous gleam while singing a little louder. _Irritating, isn't it, Proudfood?_ She thought while tapping the surface of the table rhythmically with her wand, _maybe as irritating as your bloody potion. The one I should be working on... right, potion, focus, dammit!_

It went on like that for what seemed like the longest morning ever, and Tonks was finding that with every passing minute her concentration drove away more easily. At the end, even though she had managed to identify all the elements she would be needing to brew the antidote, she was finding it extremely difficult to actually make it, due to the fact that she was thinking the sounds made by the glass jars on the dungeon whenever she gave them small touches with her wand were much more interesting than something as trivial as an antidote.

"…Now his hand is on your shoulder …!"

There it was, finally, bubbling surface, a very unappealing milky-white colour, the antidote for whatever it was that Proudfoot had made her drink, hours ago.

"I'll remember you this way!" she cried triumphantly. "Done, Sir!"

Proudfoot looked up from his book, evidently amused.

"Drink it, then."

Tonks tilted her head a bit.

"Drink what? You don't happen to have pumpkin juice around here, do you? Mind if I borrow your ingredients and brew me some?" she said, and then she started giggling uncontrollably.

The Auror snorted again and resumed his reading.

Tonks looked at the very unappealingly hot potion in the cauldron. _Why have I made such an awful thing on the first place? Maybe it would be better if I just throw it away and clean the cauldron to make something tastier. Pumpkin juice._

She levitated the heavy cauldron with her wand and made her way to the sink.

_No, I should vanish it, not throw it down the drain, this could be dangerous. Like a poison. And then finding the antidote is such a dull work. Like the one Proudfoot just made me do… This…_

She looked at the cauldron puzzled. It was leaning dangerously on the border of the sink, its contents threatening to overflow.

"Bollocks! The bloody antidote!" she said very audibly. "Sod it all, fuck it, crap, shite, bollocks, mother of all-" she continued almost without even pausing to breathe, while taking the cauldron back to the table and almost tripping on the stone floor. "Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks," she kept saying like a mantra while tipping the contents of the potion into an empty goblet. "Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks" she continued, rising her goblet to her mouth. She looked up for an instant, Proudfoot was looking her every move with rapped attention.

She managed to produce a cheeky smile.

"Cheers, Sir."

And gulped it all, grimacing at the foul taste of the milky-white potion. She stared at the rest of the concoction in the bottom of the cauldron with dislike, nothing was happening.

Suddenly she felt it, something hitting the insides of her skull, it was as if her own brain was trying to expand. And then, nothing. She was standing there, with her mind empty of all thoughts except the examination she was supposed to be doing. She looked at Proudfoot tentatively, he was looking back with a blank expression.

"What… what next, Sir?"

"Why are we here, Miss Tonks?" he asked.

"To test me in Potions and Antidotes, Sir," she answered matter-of-factly. _This is a very obvious question, really._

"Can you describe exactly what you've been doing for the last four hours?"

Now this was not such an easy question. She looked at him frowning.

"I was… breeding an antidote, wasn't I? For the potion you put in the hot chocolate you made me drink earlier. And then I…" she opened her eyes wide in horror. "Did I at some point…_ sing_?"

Proudfoot was now laughing openly.

"You did, trainee Tonks."

"Bugger," she murmured.

"And may I add," Proudfoot continued, "I am impressed with the richness of your vocabulary."

She looked at him halfway between horror and embarrassment.

"I am sorry, Sir."

"You may go, now."

She nodded and turned around. When she was crossing the threshold she stopped on her tracks and faced Proudfoot again. He was leaning over her almost empty cauldron, eyeing the new potion with interest.

"What was it, Sir? What I drunk before…?"

"What do you think it was, Miss Tonks?" he smiled at her.

"Draught of Absentmindedness."

"Precisely."

* * *

_Why do I have sweaty hands whenever I'm nervous?_

Keeping a firm grip on her wand in these conditions was obviously harder, but she had no choice. Rufus Scrimgeour was standing in front of her, his mane of hair slightly ruffled, and holding his wand steady, pointing at her.

"_Stupefy!_" he cried, almost lazily.

Her silent _Protego_ did the trick, she felt his spell bouncing. _This is it_.

She stood on her ground, moving her feet into a more stable position and raising her wand steadily.

There was light coming out Scrimgeour's wand, a non-verbal curse, she ducked while casting another Shield Charm, and from her new position, she cried her own _Impedimenta_.

The Auror wave his wand again and almost in the same graceful movement she saw another jet of light erupting from it. Instead of shielding herself, she ducked again and aimed a new curse at Rufus Scrimgeour.

She felt there was no chance she would win this duel. He was too good, too precise, too experienced and she was just a rookie without many tricks up her sleeve. Although she knew that, for the purposes of this examination, it would suffice if she managed to stay out of harm's way for a specific amount of time, she felt a desperate urge to do some damage herself. She needed to be sure, not for the examinations' sake but for her own, that she was ready to face a real enemy.

Curses kept flying in her direction and she kept shielding herself and ducking them with increasing speed. She was not going to achieve anything if she kept on this routine that looked more like a Muggle tennis game than anything else.

Scrimgeour was frowning in concentration but other than that, it did not seem this was costing him any effort. She, on the other hand, was sweaty and her hair, that just moments ago had been spiky, now was falling on her fringe, clouding her vision a little.

Mustering all the concentration she could, she morphed her hair shorter while casting an _Impedimenta_ that was easily ducked by the Auror.

And she had an idea.

Pointing her wand carefully she conjured on the floor right in front of Scrimgeour a slippery green substance, he tripped slightly but stood up straight regaining his equilibrium in no time. It had been enough, though. When Rufus Scrimgeour looked up again, he was facing… himself.

The instant shock in his face was enough.

"_Stupefy!_" Tonks shouted with a booming manly voice. The curse hit him squarely in the chest and he felt to the ground, unconscious.

The smile on the standing replica of Scrimgeour could not be broader.


	33. Her parents looked calmer

_Summer 1994_

Tonks looked briefly at the two people standing behind her. Her parents seemed to be considerably calmer than she was, which was saying something seeing as her dad was sweating profusely and her mum looked paler than usual.

She was pacing the corridor of the Aurors' Headquarters, avoiding at all cost to get too near Scrimgeour's door. Not only she knew that if she was caught eavesdropping she would pay dearly for it but also because she did not want to know just yet. She was absolutely dreading the worse.

"It's gonna be alright 'Dora," her father said for what felt like the hundredth time when she passed them.

_Easy for you to say_, she thought, not meeting his eyes.

"You need to calm yourself a little," her mother murmured, trying unsuccessfully to keep the admonishing tone out of her voice.

_You don't seem to be doing so well yourself_, now she glared directly at her.

Just when she reached the furthest end of the corridor, the sound of a door opening at her back made her jump and turn so quickly she hit her elbow against the wall.

The first thing Tonks thought at the sight of Moody was that she had never seen him so elegant before, which was one of the silliest thoughts she could come up with in the present circumstances. Nonetheless, there he was, limping towards her along the Auror Headquarters, wearing something that looked suspiciously like and old-fashioned suit and his shoe was, for once, almost shining.

_Merlin, he even combed his hair._ Tonks thought. _He looks ready for a funeral. Bollocks, that's is what this is about, it's _my_ funeral!_

"Ready?" he grunted.

"Wotcher, Sir, it's really nice to see you," she said using the most cheerful tone she could muster in her feeble attempts to hide her terror.

"Ready, trainee Tonks?" he asked more harshly than usual.

"Yes, Sir," she answered meekly.

"Go on, then," he said, pointing to Rufus Scrimgeour's office, at the end of the corridor.

She looked back for an instant at her parents and nodded. Both of them had would-be reassuring smiles plastered on their faces but their eyes were unsure, she could not muster one smile herself though.

Taking a couple of steadying breaths, Tonks walked down the corridor. When reaching the door, she closed briefly her eyes and opened it. On entering the room she saw that the usual office furniture had been replaced by a long table, covered with a crimson cloth. It made her think about the day of her second year's trials, when she had been interrogated with Veritaserum. The occupants at the table were not the same this time.

Scrimgeour was sitting in the centre, clearly presiding the committee. At his right there was Dawlish and an empty seat that Moody, having entered behind her, was about to occupy. On the Head's left there were Shacklebolt and Proudfoot. There was no chair for her, so she stood in front of them, trying to keep her expression free of all emotion and fearing she was failing miserably.

What with the quivering of her knees, her sweaty trembling palms, the lump in her throat and the slight nausea she could not remember being this nervous in her life.

"Nymphadora Tonks," Scrimgeour addressed her.

_In moments like this_, she thought, _my first name really sounds like an insult._

"Sir."

"The members of the committee have reached his decision, unanimously."

_Obviously_.

"You have completed the three years of Auror Training, during which you have proven yourself capable of dealing with most of the situations that are part of our every day work."

_Darn right I have_, she said to herself, but continued looking at Scrimgeour with a blank expression.

"We have here," he continued, shuffling some pieces of parchment **on** the table, "informs of every Auror you have been working with, all of them satisfactory…"

Not being able to help it, Tonks gave Dawlish and incredulous look and he gave her a sort of a smirk that she took as a weak attempt of a smile.

"We feel it is important to point out, Miss Tonks, that your special abilities as a Metamorphmagus had also been taken into consideration. This office acknowledges them as a great asset and, therefore, those have counted as an additional evaluation factor."

_Right, keep the freaky shape-shifter close 'cause she could make a mess of things if she decides to become a dark wizard, right?_

"… and we have a report provided by Auror Moody," Scrimgeour was saying, "in which he qualifies all your training process of the past three years as… excellent."

_He what?_

Tonks risked looking at her Master this time, but his gaze was stubbornly fixed on a blank piece of parchment in front of his eyes.

_Excellent? Me? Dammit Moody, look at me and tell me I've hear that part right!_

"There are, of course, many issues against you based particularly on your family background…"

_Here we go again, the old family shite._

"And the Auror Office believes that, despite of it…"

_Yeah, right._

"… you have proven yourself ready to be qualified as an Auror on the field."

_Bring the frigging Veritaser- what?_

The five Aurors were now smiling at her flabbergasted expression; even Moody, though in his case it was a rather menacing grimace.

"Congratulations, Auror Tonks," Rufus Scrimgeour said rising up and extending his right hand.

_Auror Tonks_. This time the words seemed to reverberate, bouncing inside her skull. It took her a moment to realise this was it. The moment she had been dreaming about for so many years. She tried to look dignified, but ruined the effect on approaching the table in a childish spring.

"Th- thank you, Sir," Tonks stuttered, shaking his hand and wishing her palms were not as sweaty as they were.

The other four Aurors had risen as well and Kingsley Shacklebolt handed her a small carton box. Inside it there was a shiny silver badge.

"Use it wisely," he said in his deep voice, smiling down at her.

Tonks nodded. She felt she ought to say something but she just could not find the words.

"You may go now, Auror Tonks," said Scrimgeour. "You are expected on the first Monday of September, at 9 in the morning, to start your duties in the Auror Office."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

And, stumbling over some invisible obstacle in the perfectly flat wooden floor, she exited the office and broke into a run to where her parents were standing, to almost crush them into the biggest hug she could muster.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the delay, I have been abroad (as a matter of fact I still am) and free Internet and free time are really hard to find. Thanks to PottedLilies for her usual wonderful beta work, even though she's quite busy at the time, at thanks to my broder who's situation is more or less the same.**

**Cheers from beautiful Sydney!  
**


	34. Having a very strange dream

_Tap tap!_

Tonks was having a very strange dream in which her shiny new Auror badge – the one she was actually clutching in her hand – turned into a silvery chocolate frog and jumped away from her, while Scrimgeour was saying that she was never Auror material to begin with.

_Tap tap!_

She was trying to run in the pursue of the jumping chocolate-frog-badge, but her combat boots were glued to the wooden floor of the Auror Headquarters. She wished Moody stopped tapping with his staff!

_Tap tap!_

She woke up with a start. Outside her window was a very real, dishevelled barmy owl. She looked at her watch, it was past midday. Last night she had been celebrating and she had gone to bed at the crack of down. Now she was feeling slightly confused.

_Tap tap!_

"Comin', I'm coming!" she grunted, opening the window.

She smiled at the familiar scribble on the piece of parchment.

_Most respectful Auror Tonks,_

_Congratulations to you! Atticus owled me yesterday with the news, I always knew you'd kick those stuck up Aurors' arses! Way to go, mate! Only… now you're a stuck up Auror yourself!_

_Auror Tonks, Auror Tonks, Auror Tonks. Have you gotten tired of it already? I bet you haven't._

_Are you going to the Quidditch World Cup? I'm coming back just to see it. Don't worry, I might even do you the honour and stop by to say hi._

_Hugs!_

_Charlie_

She beamed at the note and read it a few times. Charlie was right, she could never get tired of the sound of those two words together.

Clutching the note, she went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She was sipping it, savouring the feeling of achieving one lifetime dream, replaying in her head moments of the long three years of training. There was a presence that kept popping up in her recollections.

Without giving it a second thought, Tonks stood up and went to dress. There was something she had to do, and she had to do it now.

She made an effort to dress casual, with her oldest, most tattered pair of jeans and a faded t-shirt with the logo of a Muggle rock-band. Instead of wearing a cloak, she picked a leather jacket and stuffed her new badge in the inner pocket. Checking her image, she gave herself a fresh set of bubblegum pink spikes, replacing the electric blue bob she had been carrying since the previous day.

She apparated outside Moody's, keeping a tight grip on her wand. She was going to knock on his door without previous announcing, enough reason for him to shoot a few jinxes at her as a way to ask "who's there?". And even if he knew it was her, she did not discard the possibility that the Auror, even if her training was officially over, would want to give her some extracurricular lessons** in** constant vigilance.

Tonks remembered the first time she had been there. It had been the beginnings of the autumn, three years ago, and she had wondered how many times she would have to Apparate to that very same spot during her training. She had lost count within the first weeks. Now it was the first time she was coming here as an Auror.

The thought of it made her square her shoulders and rise her chin.

She made her way to the door with long strides and knocked. The unique sound of her Master's steps could be heard through the door.

"Who is it?" he grunted, without opening it.

"Wotcher, Sir," she said brightly. "It's me, Tonks."

Moody opened the door slowly, pointing at her with his wand. She raised her own, ready to cast a _Protego_ if she felt she needed one.

"What's the surname of the werewolf that attacked you in your second year of training?"

Tonks looked at him for an instant.

"Excuse me?"

"Answer the question."

"It was… Terrance, right?"

Moody lowered his wand.

"Come in."

Tonks entered hastily.

"What was that about, Sir?" she prompted.

"I wasn't expecting you. It could be an impostor, so I made you a security question."

"Right…" she said, thinking that maybe all those stories about 'Mad-Eye' Moody becoming more and more paranoid by the minute were bound to be true.

"So, Nymphadora, what brings you to my door?" he asked.

Tonks stared at him. It was the very first time he called her by her first name and, even if it was _him_, she was not going to accept it.

"I… I'd rather you call me 'Tonks', Sir."

"And I'd rather you call me 'Mad-Eye', since that's what everybody calls me."

"Yes, Sir… Mad-Eye," she said, her hand still had a vice-like grip on her wand.

"So, _Tonks_?"

"I, I've…" she breathed deeply. She needed to calm herself and she needed to remember that she was not a trainee anymore, there was no reason for her to be afraid of him, and even if there were, she was confident she could cast a Shield charm on time. She raised her chin once more. "I've came here to thank you, Mad-Eye."

"To thank me…" he repeated, pensively. He took a couple of steps inside the house.

"Take a seat, Tonks," he pointed the sitting room. There was a very uncomfortable looking couch that had not been there during her training. "Tea?"

She looked at him for a moment, trying to hide her surprise.

"Yes, thank you."

He went to the kitchen and came back a minute later with two chipped and steaming mugs. During training he had never offered her so much as a glass of water. Tonks eyed the mug suspiciously, wondering if she could get away with smelling the contents of it without Moody noticing but then she decided that even if she did, she would not be able to recognize anything for most venoms had no scent.

Moody's magical eye seemed to be looking at her mental struggle.

"It's not poisoned, lass," he said with a chuckle.

Tonks tried to morph away her blushing.

"I would never think-"

"Of course you would, and you do well."

Tonks did not know what to make out of this statement nor did she know how to go on. Moody took a long sip of his tea and then he put the mug in a small coffee table that had also not been there during her training.

"I wanted to talk to you yesterday in the Ministry," she blurted out. "I wanted to thank you but… well, my parents were there and then, then you kinda left and…"

"Listen to me, Tonks," he cut across her babbling.

"Sir?"

"Mad-Eye"

"Right… Mad-Eye, sorry."

"Auror Tonks…" he murmured pensively, more to himself, for both his eyes were fixed on his shoe. Then he looked up at her and prompted. "Why are you an Auror, Tonks?"

She stared at him and answered. "Because there are too many wizards doing bad things and I want to fight them."

"That is the same nonsense you said to us when you took your tests to enter the training program three years ago. That gibberish is not good and if you had not been quick enough to shield my curse, you wouldn't have been admitted on the program at all. And now, you wouldn't have that badge you're carrying."

"Excuse me?" Tonks looked at him, blinking in confusion.

"Never you mind," he said with a chuckle. "Now I know you, Tonks, I know you're not full of rubbish. So, tell me your reasons to be an Auror, from the first time you decided you wanted to be one."

She felt oddly proud. In normal circumstances "you're not full of rubbish" would easily pass as an insult but now, coming from Moody this was an exuberant compliment and Tonks decided she better think thoroughly about the answer she was going to give him. After a moment, she started slowly.

"The Blacks, the Lestranges… I learned about my mother's Family when I was 13. I hadn't wanted to know earlier, I didn't want to see the world as it really was. But then, when I found out… it's because of people like them that people like my father are in danger, that everybody is in danger. It's because of those people who are willing to erase whoever they might find in their way just to prove their own twisted point while people who believe the right thing have stopped acting on their own beliefs." She shrugged. "I can't live in a world where this happens, knowing that I could be doing _something_ that might prevent some of the damage."

Moody was looking at her, he seemed to be clinging into her every word.

"It is just fair," Tonks said with a sigh, "that if my family produced so many Dark Wizards, at least one of us will be there, trying to balance the equation." Tonks chuckled, "I guess all of this was a little long to say during the tests, right?"

Mad-Eye gave a small laugh.

"It would have served you better, lass." He scratched his chin pensively.

After a long moment, her old Master spoke again.

"Let me tell you something about being an Auror."

Tonks nodded.

"There is nothing glamorous about being an Auror, nothing pretty, nothing heroic. The only shiny thing here is the badge and even that will be lost after a while. Most of the time the job's just nasty. You will get cursed, you will be in pain, you will suffer and you will see fellow Aurors die in front of you, knowing that even if you did your very best, there was nothing you could do to save them.

"But that's it, Tonks. _Do your very best_.

"You will fall, hundreds of times, and I'm not talking abut this _gift_ you have to trip over your own feet while walking on flat surfaces," Tonks blushed and chuckled softly, "I'm talking about real mistakes, real tragedies, the _real world_.

"But at the end of the day, lass, you will have yourself to answer to. And if you keep that nice head of yours clean, your principles intact, you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror after everything knowing that you did your very best and that you will get up the next day and continue fighting.

"_Use your brains, but don't forget your feelings_."

Tonks stared ad Moody in silence for a minute. Then, the solemnity of the moment seemed almost too much for her to cope, so she said in a lighter tone with a grimace: "And what about constant vigilance, Mad-Eye?"

He chuckled.

"I taught you. You know that one, all right."


	35. Of course, she was on duty

Of course, she was on duty. And of course, she was stationed in one of the few points of the campsite from which the match could not be seen nor heard. She could distinguish the ringing of Ludo Bagman's magically amplified voice, but she could not make out the words, nor the score or the reasons why the crowd cheered or moaned.

On the whole, she had to admit that her present situation was not that bad, despite the curiosity the tantalising noises coming from the stadium were provoking. Tonks had been tasked with preventing all those Ireland and Bulgaria supporters from making their presence too obvious to the Muggles guarding the campsite. It had been an almost impossible assignment and, as the beginning of the match was drawing nearer, she had already decided to get along with most of the open displays of magic – like red and black coloured smoke, palace-like camping tents and the wearing of cloaks and hats that screamed the names of Quidditch players – and focus on the most noticeable ones, like a brooms race she had had to put a stop to, and an apparent duel between two Bulgarian supporters.

This, of course, was far from the usual tasks a qualified Auror was supposed to perform but, as Proudfoot had put it when informing her she would be on duty during the Quidditch World Cup, "It is the 'you-are-the-greenest-rookie' kind of job." She had refrained the rude gesture her hand had been all but willing to show him, while he made a point of putting on a bright green scarf and gloves before Disapparating, leaving her alone in her post.

A great roar coming from the stadium made her groan. She wish there was a way to at least know the score. She had wanted to keep her hair green, supporting the Irish team, but when she arrived to her designated area, she realised by the red and black drapes and the moving photograph of Victor Krum all over the place, that it was completely occupied with Bulgarian supporters. Going into the camp green haired _and_ expecting those red and black cloaked people to obey her was just as far-fetched as Moody accepting a chocolate chip cookie from a stranger. With a resigned sigh she had morphed her hair into, in her opinion, a very professional, serious, and boring brown plait.

The roaring was growing louder and steadier until finally she heard the distinct noises of the end of the match. With a deep sigh she braced herself for what was coming ahead, for it might be a crowd of way-too-cheerful-and-festive supporters looking forward to a wild party, or a way-to-depressed-and-angry one, wanting to do _something_ to forget their losing the Cup.

Tonks was not sure which would be worse.

Bulgaria had lost and that was evident, even for someone who did not understand the language. There was a group of grown-up men actually crying and wiping off their tears on a flag and a very angry boy was tearing into pieces every poster of Krum he could lay his hands on. She was hoping no drunken Irish would risk to wander these paths.

To be honest, though, the Bulgarians did not seem too depressed. She managed to find a woman who spoke a bit of English so she could learn the score. Krum, after all, had been a hero of sorts and had prevented his team from being completely flattened by the Irish.

She wished she had been there to see it.

Slowly the supporters went to their tents and the volume of the campsite lowered considerably. Tonks started pacing, wishing it was morning already so she could go home, take a bath and wish for her life to be less pathetic so she could get the chance to see the next World Cup.

Then she heard it. Loud banging noises, distant screaming, hurried steps; she narrowed her eyes to try and see further. There was some kind of greenish glow in the distance, right were the screaming seemed to be coming from.

_Those are no Quidditch supporters_, she thought with a twinge of fear, drawing her wand and running in the general direction of the commotion.

People were getting out of their tents and running away from the banging, scared, most of them in their night dresses and some drawing out their wands and lighting them. It was more difficult every second for Tonks to get nearer without colliding with the running, panicking crowd, but she finally managed to get close enough to see properly what was happening. The image was something she had only seen in photographs in ancient, yellowing editions of the _Prophet_ or in files dated years ago, now collecting dust in the Auror Archives.

A group of people wearing long, hooded black cloaks and masks, was marching along the path at a steady pace, wands drawn. Death Eaters. Something about them was… _grand_, there was no other word for it, the way they moved, the tall, slender black figures, the perfect coordination. The impression though, did not stay with her more than a fraction of a second, for they were shooting green flames all around, setting tents on fire in great explosions.

Tonks knew there was nothing she could do on her own, there were at least twenty hooded figures. She needed to get help, if not from the few Aurors on duty, from the Law Enforcement Squad or at least from any Ministry worker.

The Death Eaters had reached the entrance of the campsite, where the stone cottage of the administrator of the place stood. One of the tall figures in front of the group sent the loudest explosion yet and the wooden roof ignited almost instantly. Four people came running out of the house in their night dresses, two adults and two small children.

Tonks broke into a run in their direction, she had to shield them. Somebody at her side did the same but almost at the very instant, the four very scared figures were hovering in mid-air. The front row Death Eaters were levitating them with their wands. The group started marching again, into the more crowded area of the campsite, taking the four levitating figures with them.

"Tonks!"

She was running towards the Death Eaters and stopped in her tracks to turn around. Kingsley Shacklebolt and two Hit-Wizards were running towards her.

"We just Apparated," he panted. He was wearing jeans and a green Muggle t-shirt, it was pretty obvious he had not being on duty that night. "Who are they?"

"The Muggles," Tonks answered hastily, running again in pursuit of the hooded figures, Kingsley and the Hit-Wizards followed. "They set their cottage on fire and now they are just… levitating them. What do we do?"

There was a larger number of terrorized people running in their direction again and Tonks wished she could just stun them all in order to approach the Death Eaters, who were setting tents on fire again and, by the looks of it, making random explosions that were sending trees flying in every direction.

"Shacklebolt!" someone screamed from behind. Tonks looked around while trying to avoid a collision with a running witch carrying a small child. A Ministry worker she vaguely remembered had his office on the same floor where Auror Headquarters were located was approaching them, his wand raised, and at his side…

"Charlie? Bill?"

She knew they would be coming to see the match but it came as a real surprise to actually find them among the running crowd and, apparently, ready for action.

"Tonks! What's happening?"

"Death Eaters! They're attacking the Muggle family from the entrance!"

"Come on!" said Kingsley, and the Ministry worker followed suit. Tonks suspected he was Charlie's dad, now she was thinking about it, she had seen him before, on the Platform 9 ¾. To confirm her suspicions, he was being followed by Charlie's younger brother Percy.

There was no time to dwell on the Weasley genealogy, though; they were getting nearer the group of Death Eaters.

Then, the loudest _bang_ so far made the earth shake and Tonks turned around in time to see a great tree and a shower of pebbles flying in their direction.

"_Protego_!" she screamed crouching and heard some of the pebbles bouncing against her shield charm.

Tonks turned around. Percy had both hands on his face and was howling indistinctively. His father was running towards him, he had been hit by a branch and there was a slash covered with blood on the side of his nose. The others seemed to be all right.

"You two," Shacklebolt bellowed to the two Hit-Wizards, as though nothing had happened. His booming voice that rang over the banging and the screaming of the running crowd. "Go to the other side of the group, we're stunning them from every direction. If you find someone on the way, tell them to wait for my green sparks to do it, got it?"

Both wizards nodded and broke into a run.

"Tonks, Weasley," the four read heads turned in Kingsley's direction, he paid no attention but continued giving instructions. "You make sure the Muggles won't get into harm, each one of you take one of them and keep them out of the way, can you do that?" he asked the read-headed boys. They nodded, Percy still clutching his nose.

"At my-"

"Wait!" Tonks yelled.

A very old wizard was running directly into the black cloaked group yelling something they could not distinguish, but that sounded a lot like curses, except nothing was coming out of his wand.

"What's he doing?" she screamed.

With a flash of red light, the figure fell into the ground as if in slow motion. Then, many things happened at once. People started running towards the Death Eaters and aiming curses without giving them so much as a scratch. The ones at the front of the group sent simultaneously explosions with their wands in every direction, making the attacking crowd retreat. Three other trees flew in different directions.

This time Tonks was not quick enough and got hit by a flying stone in the calf. The crunchy sound and the sharp pain left no doubt there was at least one bone broken but she stood up nonetheless to look around. Bill had a very deep cut in his arm and was quickly ripping the sleeve of his shirt.

"Now!" Shacklebolt screamed, sending a flash of green sparks into the night and Tonks turned around just in time to see the Muggle woman fall, free from the hovering charm. She caught her and made her levitate as far and gently as she could, into the shadows of a tree. Bill, Charlie and Percy were doing the same with the man and the kids and made their forms follow the direction of the woman's.

"We have to get them out of the way!" Tonks yelled. She casted a hasty spell on her calf and broke into a half run, half limp to the shadowy spot.

"What do we do?" Bill asked following her and clutching the fabric of his sleeve to his arm without loosing hold of his wand.

"Obliviate them!"

"What?" yelled Charlie at her back.

"Can any of you perform a Memory Charm?"

"I can manage," Percy said with a small hint of doubt in his voice.

"You sure?"

"Er…"

"You're not doing it then," she said harshly.

They reached the point where the four Muggles were standing. The woman and the kids were crying and the man was trying to hug them all at once, shaking visibly.

"Are you hurt?" Tonks asked them briskly.

"We… what is… what?" stuttered the man.

"Do you have any wounds?"

"N-n-no…" he said, looking at his kids and wife.

"Right." Tonks turned around to face the Weasleys and she pointed Percy. "You stay with them until somebody comes along. Try and calm them." He looked at her in terror. "Charles, Billy Boy," she said, using the old nicknames unconsciously, "come with me, we're going back!"

"I want to go ba-" Percy started, he looked scared but Tonks had not time for that.

"Do as you're told!" she prompted coldly at him, and without further ado she was running back to the fray followed by the older boys.

There was an eerie silence. Even though the screaming continued, it was coming from a distance now and there were neither banging noises nor greenish lights.

A handful of wizards were circling an empty area, looking around, wands raised.

"Dad, what happened?" Bill called one of them.

"They Disapparated," he said, trotting in their direction and pointing at the sky in front of him. "The moment they saw _that_."

Tonks turned around and gasped. There was another figure she had hoped not to see again, except this one she knew not only from pictures but from the real life. She remembered one time, when she had been no more than seven and had gone with her mother to visit some friends. The same green shape had been floating in the sky, right over the house they were going to. Without a word, her mother had clasped her hand firmly and had Apparated both back home.

_The Dark Mark_.

Mr. Weasley was still talking and Tonks forced her brain to focus on the present.

"Shacklebolt, Dawlish and Robarts Disapparated to follow them with a bunch of Hit-Wizards but I don't think they'll find them. What about the Muggles?"

"They're all right," Charlie said, "Perce's with them."

"We need to get an Obliviator to get them sorted out," Tonks said to Charlie's dad.

"Right you are, er… Auror?" he said, eying the shiny badge on her jacket.

"It's Tonks, Sir," she said, offering him her hand.

"Arthur Weasley," he said shaking it briefly. "You went to Hogwarts with…"

"Charlie, yes," she said, and with no particular interest to reminisce just then; she turned around to look for someone to do the Memory Charm properly. "There's Selwyn, excuse me."

Reaching the chubby figure of the Obliviator she indicated him the exact point where the Muggles were and then she went back to the Weasleys. Arthur was gone and Charlie was looking at Bill's wound.

"You all right, Billy Boy?" she asked.

"Yeah, fine. Nasty cut, that's all."

"Fancy being hit by a branch, and not by a curse," Charlie muttered. Then he looked at Tonks. "That was impressive…"

"What's impressive about getting hit by a branch?" she asked confused, looking around. Some people were starting coming back, looking into the places were their tents had been, surely trying to rescue some of their belongings.

"Not that, you prat, your… your full Auror-mode."

"My what?"

Bill and Charlie chuckled.

"You bossing us around and not pausing to see if we were planning to obey you and… well, Tonksie," Bill gave her a grimace, "I've never thought you'd be able to remain such a long period of time without tripping on your own feet."

"Shut it!" She said, "and I was not bossing you around!"

"You were too." Charlie said, cleaning Bill's wound again in the end of it he could not reach by himself.

"Were not!"

"Were too!" both Weasleys said.

"And what's so bad about it anyways," Bill said. "After all," he winked at her, "you _are_ the Auror."

"Hey!" Percy was running towards them.

"There you are, what took you so long?" Bill said. "Come on, Charlie, we have to find the others."

"See ya, Tonks," Charlie said, running after his two brothers.

She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came to her mind so she closed it.

_Full Auror-mode? Those Weasleys are losing it._


	36. The kid just mounted the broom

_Autumn 1994_

"And then?"

"And then, believe it or not, the kid just mounted the broom he'd summoned and started flying, ducking the dragon. And that Horntail is a very nasty piece of work, I would wet myself if I had to face it all alone. And _nesting_, mind you. So then, Potter dives and fetches the golden Egg, just barely missing the Dragon's tail," Charlie said with a shrug. "It was really amazing!"

Tonks looked around and smiled. In moments like this it seemed that time had not passed for her and her friends. Charlie had come back from Romania for the second time this year and they were in her flat, joined by Mitch, his new girlfriend – Tonks had long ago lost track of how many there had been since their 7th year – Atticus and a very pregnant Lilica.

"Did he got full marks?" Mitch asked.

"Nah, that son of a Bludger Karkaroff only gave him four points, he's the Durmstrang Headmaster and I've never seen a member of the jury so prejudiced. But Potter's tied for first place with Viktor Krum."

"_The_ Krum? Seeker for Bulgaria's national team?" asked Atticus, looking at Charlie wide eyed.

"Yup, that's the one," Charlie said, taking a generous sip from his glass of Firewhiskey, "he's still at school, you see. He's been chosen as Durmstrang champion."

"I wish I was still at school," said Lilica with a wishful voice.

"Excuse me?" Atticus glared at his girlfriend. "Why, exactly?"

Tonks giggled, "Why? Krum's not exactly an eye-sore, is he?"

Atticus snorted and Lilica giggled as well.

"I wasn't thinking about _him_, bur now that you mention it…" she made a mock dreamy face. Then she burst into laughter with everybody else except Atticus. "I was just thinking about the excitement of watching the trials, you know? Or even taking part in them."

"Yeah, that would be wicked," Mitch said. "Why didn't those things happen when _we _were around? All we got were Quidditch Matches!"

"Hey!" Charlie cried indignantly. "Those were great! 'Specially since we were the best friggin' team there was."

"As if!" Atticus and Tonks said at once.

"I don't remember you winning more than a Chocolate Frog card," said Mitch.

"I have two words for you," Atticus prompted with a wide grin, "Oliver Wood."

Tonks and Lilica started laughing madly and the latter said "Hear, hear." Charlie and Mitch had almost identical sulking expressions.

"Just because you knocked him with a Bludger-"

"Right you are, I knocked him with a Bludger two minutes into the match, and Tonksie here," he said, slightly leaning his glass towards her, "scored… how much was it, honey?" he looked at Lilica.

"I don't know," she said, following his lead and looking thoughtful. "You know it _is_ difficult to remember such an enormous quantity."

"Yeah… at some point I'm afraid I lost count of it, myself," Tonks said.

The three of them looked at each other and, as if this was a well rehearsed play, yelled in unison:

"Five hundred and seventy!"

"Such a shame for that poor other team."

"Embarrassing."

"I don't know how the players could stand being mocked the rest of the school year."

"And one of them was actually _dating_ the scoring-genius."

"Maybe he was too distracted by her looks so he forgot he was supposed to be looking for the snitch."

"Shut up!" Charlie said.

The three Hufflepuffs grinned.

"You are lucky you have at least _one_ story to tell, otherwise it would be _your_ shame!" Mitch muttered.

"Maybe your right," Atticus said with a wink, "but _ours_ is the best story."

They laughed and Charlie and Mitch muttered something about "the previous matches".

"But, back to the Tournament," Tonks spoke pensively. "How did it happen, though?"

"What?" asked Charlie and Atticus at once.

"Potter entering," she stated matter-of-factly. "There is something really fishy in the whole situation. _Two_ Hogwarts champions? One of them not even of age? And _Harry Potter_ of all people?"

"What does the Ministry think about it?" Lilica asked, stroking her belly absentmindedly.

"Well, no one says a thing. Mad-Eye is there, of course, at Hogwarts I mean, but I haven't seen him since he left and I am not going to knock at his door and ask."

"What's Moody doing there?" Mitch asked.

"Teaching," Charlie answered. Tonks shrugged.

"You gotta be joking." Atticus blurted, almost choking on his Firewhiskey.

"I know, poor kids, right?" Tonks said with a small smile. "I bet he's giving them the practical approach to his old 'Constant Vigilance'… maybe there will be a couple of survivors at the end of the year to tell the tale. He'll be great, though," she added as an afterthought. "Brutal, harsh, nightmare-provoking… but great."

"Any news on the search of Black?" asked Mitch. Atticus looked at Tonks apprehensively, but she just gave a noncommittal smile.

"If there were any, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you anyway. But no, there is none. Besides," there was now fury in Tonks' voice, "I'm not allowed on the case. I can't even read the files!"

"How come?" Charlie said.

"They say I might be biased, since he's supposed to be my _family_ and all that rubbish. It's just bollocks, I was really hoping to get into the search team. Shacklebolt is directing it and I bet he wouldn't have minded me joining but that Scrimgeour… he's a total arse!" She morphed her face to make it look exactly like her boss' "_Your judgement might be compromised, Tonks. It is not advisable._"

"That sucks, mate." Charlie said sympathetically.

"Tell me about it."

* * *

**A/N: A lot of thanks, as usual - but always as deep - to PottedLilies for a great beta work.**

**And a new lot of thanks to all of you who took some time to review, specially now that in some parts of the word school/work had started and we don't have as much time as we used to. Lauraw18, KenziCullen, Carrebear14, felixlee14, shadowfornothing14, you are great!  
**

**And extra special thanks to a_little_Wicked and MoreThingsInHeavenAndEarth. I love your reviews, guys! Cheers!  
**


	37. 1995 Many skills she was very proud of

_June__26__th__, 1995__ (Monday)_

There were many skills Tonks had acquired during Auror training that she was very proud of, and definitely one of those was the ability to wake up early and quickly. After many sudden calls from Mad-Eye during those years, she had learned to reduce the time gap between lying in her bed sound asleep and standing in front of her Master's door - fully dressed, wand raised and ready for action - to 12 minutes.

However these days she was finding the feat much more difficult to accomplish. She would get out of bed slowly, get a cup of coffee and take her time to savour it, stand in front of the mirror and try dozens of hair styles before settling on one. In short, she would dawdle.

At the beginning, she had tried not to think about it much. So, sometimes she was a bit late to work but, did it really mattered? Then it hit her. It did not. Or at least, it seemed so, for her work in this, her first year as a fully qualified Auror had been the dullest, must boring experience of her life, beating easily the long History of Magic lessons back at Hogwarts.

As a matter of fact, the only real action Tonks had seen had been during the Quidditch World Cup, when she had to fight those Death Eaters or, if she was to be honest, mostly ducking their attacks. After that, it had been something completely different.

Paperwork. Piles and piles of files she had to rearrange, feet of parchment she had to read or write, infinite rows of storage boxes inside the Auror's Archive she had to sort out.

She was suffered from an enormous lack of motivation and the fact that she had to work on Saturdays did nothing to improve the situation. Hence, her losing time in front of the mirror at home, her constant daydreaming at work – with fantasies that often featured her confronting treacherous Death Eaters, violent werewolves or angry giants – and her smuggling Quidditch magazines into her cubicle.

Looking at the mirror and narrowing her eyes she concentrated on her reflection and her hair started to grow and change colour. After a moment, it was shoulder long and blue. Grinning at her image in satisfaction, she went into the fireplace, took some powder from a small carton box on the mantelpiece and threw it into the flames. They turned emerald green.

"Ministry of Magic", she sighed in resignation, stepping into the fire.

Tonks appeared seconds later in the Ministry Atrium and went swiftly to her office. She suddenly realised she must be very late this time, for the hall was rather empty. Tapping with her right combat boot impatiently while the lifts carried her to level two, she thought for maybe the hundredth time in that month that she had to do something in order to get to work in time. Passing the much too crowded corridors of the Auror Headquarters, Tonks finally entered her cubicle and, closing the door behind her, she gave a dark stare at the usual foot high stack of files on her desk. Except, it was not just that.

On the only free space in the surface of the table, laid a purple sheet of parchment. She took it noticing first the very official Ministry Crest on top of it.

_Internal Communicate_

_It has recently come to our knowledge that a group of wizards had been attempting to undermine the Magical Community's internal security by us provided. This group, undoubtedly trying to destabilize the current peaceful order, is spreading rumours about the returning of a certain Dark Wizard and might as well be trying to recruit followers in order to take part in yet unknown subversive attacks._

_It is de duty of the Ministry of Magic and each and every one of its workers to commit themselves in the identification of the wizards or witches involved in such a dangerous group and to inform the Ministry, as well as to repress those rumours, so to avoid a wave of fear that would do nothing but threaten our safety._

_The Ministry of Magic is ready to take any measure to eliminate the threat and take measures against the ones taking part in it, even if those were found to belong to this very office._

_Cornelius Fudge,_

_Minister for Magic_

Tonks' mind felt as if there were a hundred small balls bouncing lose inside it. The words "a certain Dark Wizard" and "repress those rumours" kept popping into her train of thought.

_You don't need to be a genius to figure out what this is about._

_Someone out there is saying that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back. And Fudge doesn't like it._ Tonks thought, reading the parchment again a couple of times.

There were always nutters trying to spread rumours and scare the people and, after Black had escaped prison almost two years before, those rumours had grown and there was a certain fear in the population. Especially because he had not being caught, despite the guarantees the Minister was giving on a regular basis that they were "very close indeed" to catching him.

Tonks sat heavily on her chair.

_There seems to be something different this time_, she thought pulling her hair absentmindedly with her eyes unfocused. There was an urgency in the Communicate, something that somehow felt fishy. And she was going to keep an eye on things from now on, because even if it was only a rumour, the persons behind it were trying to scare innocent people and that was dangerous enough.

Coming back to reality and sighing deeply again, she took the file on the top of the pile and opened it.

_Rabastan Lestrange._ She read, _Brilliant._


	38. It all felt just the same

She had not been there in four years but it all felt just the same as it did when she was running up and down the corridors, her broom on her shoulder, and tripping in her haste to get to the Quidditch pitch.

As she crossed the heavy iron gates Tonks almost felt that Atticus and the rest of her friends were just a few steps behind her and she fought the urge of turning her head to check. In what seemed like no time at all, she had crossed the mist covered grounds and reached the great front doors. They were closed but she knew she should wait. After all, she was early.

Stars were appearing in the clear blue sky. Taking her eyes off them, Tonks took a small piece of parchment out her pocket and read the few words she now knew by heart.

_There had been a nasty incident at Hogwarts two days ago. Moody had been attacked. He is still there. K. S._

She had received this very short message right before the lunch break and, instead of going to eat something, she had rushed to write Professor McGonagall asking if she could go to Hogwarts and pay a visit to her old Master. Her affirmative answer, fortunately, had not taken long and she had Apparated into Hogsmeade almost immediately after.

_Moody attacked? By whom? How?_

If somebody out there was clever or bold or crazy enough to attack Mad-Eye and succeed, he or she was somebody to be afraid of, that was for sure.

Tonks had no clue about how Moody would react when he saw her, but she felt that was not important. What was really urgent for her was to find out if he was all right, and to know what had happened for the man who preached constant vigilance to get attacked so badly he needed to lay in the Hospital Wing.

The door opened, the familiar figure of McGonagall stood there. She smiled at Tonks but the gesture did not reached her eyes.

"Wotcher, Professor."

"Good evening, Tonks," she indicated her to step in and in doing so the familiarity of the place surprised her again.

At the distance she could hear the voices of kids. Other than that, the place was silent.

"What happened? How is he?" she asked the older witch.

"He… he was attacked last year." McGonagall said with a very unusual emotion in her voice, and she started to walk down one corridor. Tonks followed her feeling somebody there was making a mistake.

"Last year?"

"Indeed. It is a long, complicated story that I am sure he will like to tell you himself."

Understanding that McGonagall did not want to speak any further, Tonks forced herself to remain silent, her mind racing, until both witches reached the door of the Hospital Wing. She followed her old teacher to the farthest bed, it was surrounded with curtains.

Another very familiar person emerged from a side office.

"Madam Pomfrey," Tonks greeted, smiling a little.

"Hello, Tonks, it's good to see you," she said, "even if this are not the most cheerful of circumstances. Congratulations on becoming an Auror, child."

"How is he?" she asked, ignoring the last part.

"He's still shaken, but he will be fine in no time, there is no doubt. He might be resting though, so don't go and try to wake him up now."

"Codswallop," came a harsh voice from behind the curtain.

Tonks beamed. That sounded just like him. Without waiting for an invitation, she sprinted towards the hidden bed and yanked the curtains open.

She had to make an effort not to gasp out loud and keep her expression blank.

Moody was terribly pale and thin. The heavily scarred skin of his face seemed to hang loosely from his skull, there were great chunks of hair missing and where his magical blue eye used to be, there was now a black patch that gave his face a very unfamiliar air.

Gulping heavily she tried to make her voice sound light-hearted, "Wotcher, Mad-Eye!"

"That bad, huh?" he asked her, almost grinning.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've learned to morph your blushing away, lass, but you don't seem to be able to do anything about going pale."

Now she could feel she was blushing. After the years he had learned to look through her - with or without a magical eye - and he was mostly right.

"I just…"

"… wait till I get back on my feet and we'll see, right?" this time Moody managed a soft chuckle.

"How are you feeling, Alastor?" McGonagall asked. For an instant Tonks was at a loss of who she was talking too, like every time somebody referred to Moody using his first name. It did sound very odd.

"I'll be much better when you lot stop worrying about me, that's for sure," he grunted.

McGonagall's thin lips stretched in a smile Tonks had never seen in her, except for that memorable day when she had morphed to look exactly like the Transfiguration teacher.

"I'll leave you two Aurors then," she said and, if Tonks did not know better, she would have said it sounded as if the stern teacher were mocking them.

"Do so, Minerva." Moody told her, and she turned around and went swiftly out of the room.

Madam Pomfrey hovered over Moody a little, rearranging the pillows, absolutely oblivious to his grunting, and after a moment she went back to her office.

Tonks, looking around, summoned a chair from the other side of the room and sat beside the bed. For a moment neither of them spoke.

"Why are you here, then?" Moody finally asked Tonks bluntly.

"To make sure you're alive," she prompted trying to look as grave as possible. "There's a bet at the office, you know, and I'm glad to see Dawlish will have to pay me a Galleon."

Moody gave another small chuckle.

"He bet I was dead? He's always been stupid."

"No, he bet you would be nicer from now on. I told him there was no attack or curse strong enough to do _that_."

"You think you're funny, lass…"

"I know I am, Mad-Eye," she winked at him. "So, are you going to tell me what happened to you? Or this is just a very elaborate way to make your summer holidays start earlier?"

"Have you heard anything about Barty Crouch Jr.?" he asked without so much as a blink.

She remained silent for an instant, trying to gather every piece of information she had on the man in question.

"He's one of the Death Eaters that tortured the Longbottoms. He's dead, isn't he?"

"He's the one who attacked me. Nine months ago."

Tonks looked at him for a long moment. He seemed serious.

"Are you… ehm… feeling alright, Mad-Eye?"

"Yeah I am! And he's not dead, he's alive because that good-for-nothing father of his helped him escape prison years ago. He attacked me last year, before the beginning of the term and he's been impersonating me all along, using Polyjuice Potion and keeping me alive and unconscious inside a trunk. All this time."

She stared at him flabbergasted.

"So now you know," he added unnecessarily.

"Why would he do that?" she finally asked.

"That's the thing, isn't it? He's under the orders of You-Know-Who."

Tonks raised her eyebrows. She wished she had asked Madame Pomfrey if Moody had been brain damaged, that would explain all his gibberish.

"You-Know-Who…" she started.

"…is back," he finished.

… _spreading rumours about the returning of a certain Dark Wizard…_

Without saying a word, Tonks took out of the back pocket of her jeans the Communicate she had been carrying with her the whole day and handed it to Mad-Eye. He read it twice and grunted very audibly.

"That Fudge is getting thicker by the minute," he murmured to himself. Then he looked at Tonks. "What do you think?"

She frowned.

"You're saying You-Know-Who's back? Where is the proof?"

"The confession of Barty Crouch and the testimony of Harry Potter who actually saw him regain a full body."

"What if they're lying?"

"Use your brains, Tonks," Moody said harshly, "that's the most unlikely pair to come up with a history this elaborate. Potter's not lying and Crouch was being interrogated under Veritaserum. Besides, there had been a death."

"Who?"

"The other Hogwarts champion, Diggory."

"Cedric Diggory? He's dead?" Tonks muttered in shock.

"You knew him?"

"Yeah… he is… he was in the Hufflepuff Quidditch team in my last year here, Seeker."

Moody folded the Ministry Communicate and handed it back to Tonks. She took it slowly.

"What does this Communicate mean?"

Moody sighed deeply.

"It means Fudge doesn't want to admit he's back. You can see why, it would be a lot of trouble to the Ministry, to 'his' Ministry. Trouble he's not ready to cope with. It is easier to pretend nothing happened."

"But… according to what you're telling me, something _is_ happening. Somebody died! Did he lose his marbles?"

"He's grown fond of that charge of his. He's gonna say the kid's death was an accident, something that could have happened anyways during the Triwizard," Moody grunted. Then he looked at her as if he were trying to decide something. Finally he spoke again. "So, what's happening now, Tonks?"

"Sorry?"

"Are you going to… what's what they say? Indicate the Ministry I'm spreading rumours or some nonsense like that? Are you gonna tell them what I told you?"

Tonks looked at him in disbelief.

"Are you mad, Mad-Eye?" she hissed at him.

"Some people may say so, yes," he nodded.

"I'm not turning you in. I believe you," she said fiercely. "Merlin's arse, Mad-Eye! You're my Master, how can I not trust you? You say he's back, he must be. I just want to know… what are we going to do now?"

Moody looked at her for a moment.

"You are going to wait. You'll be contacted."


	39. Does he do it on purpose?

'_You are going to wait.' Does he do it on purpose? He knows I _hate_ waiting. _

Tonks was in her cubicle, finding she was absolutely incapable of focusing on anything. Some part of her was expecting someone to dramatically burst through her door and announce You-Know-Who was back, probably sporting a bloody limb and signs of struggle. The more rational part of her brain, though, was sure she was not going to see anything of the sort any time soon.

Her conversation with Moody the night before had ended abruptly, when Madam Pomfrey had insisted he needed his rest and had forced a potion down his throat that had put him to sleep almost instantly.

Tonks had exited the school then, and Apparated back to the Ministry, her brain full of unanswered questions and an overall feeling of uneasiness. It was impossible for her to focus on the piles of paperwork on her desk, she could not get the image out of her head of a beaten and bruised Moody laying all but motionless for months on end in the bottom of his very own trunk, and always lurking in the back of her memory was the scene of Death Eaters marching through the campsite at the world cup, torturing Muggles and blasting tents aside.

Finally she realised she was going to go insane if she kept wandering about on the same images and thoughts, so using her Auror clearance, she decided to barricade herself inside the Auror Archives. With the determination she was known for since her days of her OWLs back at school, she pulled out every file she could find on the First War, concentrating this time not in the infamous Death Eaters – she had read enough about them while doing paperwork – but in the forces of resistance and the measures both the Ministry and other wizarding groups had taken at the time.

There had not been much outside the Law Enforcement departments, except for two or three small groups of people organised to give support or advice to the victims of the many acts of violence that had been committed back then.

She was about to give up when she found it, on a very dusty file: a small reference to one Order of the Phoenix. It had to be somewhere around the archives.

Finally, after digging into piles of mouldy files she found a dossier with random information about said Order.

Apparently it had started as a subversive group under the direction of Albus Dumbledore. Tonks had to make a double-check at this point. Even though she knew about the Headmaster's defeat of the Dark Wizard Grindelwald so many years ago, it was very difficult for her to picture the old white-bearded wizard as a leader of a subversive group.

But then again, thinking of that very alive twinkle in the old man's blue eyes, Tonks had to admit that maybe he was the ideal person for such a role.

Continuing with her reading she learned that, in time, the existence of the Order of the Phoenix had been not only tolerated but deeply appreciated by the magical population. It was not clear if, at some point, there had been collaboration between them and the Ministry but they had lost the category of 'subversive group' and the last files of the dossier referred to it as a 'wizarding organization.'

And finally, what she had been looking for, a list of members. She scanned through the list, gasping audibly upon finding a few familiar names. Albus Dumbledore, of course, was on top of the list. Alastor Moody, first suspected to be part of the group, then confirmed as he announced his allegiances publicly. James and Lily Potter, no surprises there, they had been known for capturing many Death Eathers. Peter Pettigrew, of course, he had been awarded with the Order of Merlin, First Class, after being murdered by… _Sirius Black_, certainly he had been a member of the Order of the Phoenix too.

_The traitor_, Tonks thought bitterly.

The list kept on going, but she did not recognised any of the names, although some last names were slightly familiar.

There was another list next, of people suspected to be part of the group. Minerva McGonagall, that was something hard to believe, the strict Transfiguration teacher fighting as a member of this most unorthodox and almost illegal group. Aurors Frank and Alice Longbottom, Tonks had not known them in person, but they were a legend of sorts inside the Aurors Headquarters and everybody knew their fate. Sometimes some Auror would refer to them in hush tones. There was also Rubeus Hagrid, Aberforth Dumbledore...

There were even some photographs. Many of them corresponded to trials; she suspected those were from the time the group had been a 'subversive' one; there were also a couple of group shots and Tonks poured over them for a moment. There was Mad-Eye, looking almost the same. And Dumbledore as well. She recognised the Longbottoms and Hagrid. The person who had placed this picture inside the dossier must not have been sure if this was just a random gathering or all the members of the Order, otherwise they would have been certain about the Longbottoms. And there was somebody she both wanted and dreaded to see.

Sirius looked as handsome as she remember him from her childhood, his hand casually hanging from his belt and a proud smile, almost smirk-like. Had he planed on betraying the couple standing next to him yet?

Tonks closed the dossier, producing a cloud of dust, and buried it where she had found it. Now she had a clearer idea of what Moody might be up to. Maybe that was going on now, it just made sense for him to try and do something of the sort, to fight even if he was to be the only one doing so and even if that meant he was going against the Ministry.

And she? That was the easiest of questions. Now she was old enough. She was going to fight along.


	40. Work the next morning

June 27th, 1995 (Tuesday)

When she went into work the next morning, she was feeling a very unusual sensation of foreboding and her lack of sleep was not helping her acting natural. She knew something she was not supposed to and, worst of all, she believed it. While getting up in the lift, surrounded by Ministry workers, she had the feeling all of them were performing Legillimency on her and that more likely sooner than later, one of them would point out that she _was _a threat to the Ministry.

She sighed in relief when she reached her cubicle and closed the door behind her. Sitting at her desk, she continued with her usual routine of day-dreaming, except this time her fantasies were much darker. After talking to Moody and doing that piece of research on resistance groups, her mind was wandering on its own along very scary paths.

A sharp knock on the door startled her and she quickly grabbed the first file on the stack, making it look like she had been working for a while now.

"Come in," she said.

Kingsley Shacklebolt entered the cubicle and at the sight of her he smiled in amusement.

"Hello, Tonks."

"Wotcher, Kingsley."

He looked down at her silently for a moment.

"You know that file you're _pretending_ to work on is upside-down, right?" he gave a very deep chuckle.

Tonks tried to look nonchalant but in her attempt to close the file hastily she sent parchment and photographs flying everywhere.

"Oh bollocks!" she said, leaning to pick them up and smashing her leg against the table in the process. Kingsley helped her.

"So, you went to see Moody yesterday," he said matter-of-factly.

"I did, thanks a lot for letting me know he was there. It was good to see he's all right."

"He's a though one, Mad-Eye," Kingsley said, taking a seat across from Tonks' desk, without giving her the file back. He started shuffling through the pages and nodding distractedly. "So," he looked at her, "how've you been?"

Tonks looked at him for a moment. She and Kingsley were colleges and as such they often talked at work, but it wasn't his style to lose precious time by starting casual conversations. Not with her at any rate.

"All right I guess," she spoke slowly, wondering what Kingsley really wanted. "You know I just got an internal communicate informing me that Crouch Jr. reappeared from amongst the death," she said sarcastically. "He's been sent back to Azkaban there's been a lot of filing and re-filing to do. By yours truly, mind you, since I am already very familiar with the Archives."

He smiled sympathetically. Both of them remained silent for a while.

Tonks racked her brains for something to say, different from the "_what do you want?"_ that was urging to come out of her mouth. Maybe he just wanted to chat… unlikely, though.

"Er… How's the Black case going?" she asked at last, trying to hide the resentful tone in her voice.

"Tricky. You wouldn't want to get mixed up with all that," Kingsley answered dismissively.

"As a matter of fact, I would," she replied promptly. "I would jump on anything that kept me away from these old archives and I'd love some real action."

"Real action," he smirked. "What do you mean by that?"

Tonks hesitated for a second. Her colleague seemed all right but she was not sure if confiding in him was an intelligent move; not to mention the fact that he was also her superior. But there was something in his deep calm voice that invited her to trust him and he _had_ informed her about Moody. Perhaps if she would made a subtle remark on the fact that she hated her current desk job he might consider her for a coming mission.

"It is not what I expected it to be. Being an Auror I mean. I thought… I thought it was about fighting evil, you know?" She smiled at her own statement. "I can believe everything is going so well out there that there are no dark wizards left for us to capture besides Black, I don't buy it." Kingsley raised an eyebrow and she feared she had said too much. She had been on the verge of saying something about You-Know-Who coming back.

Tonks tried desperately to distract Kingsley from that train of thought so she added hastily, "I'm not complaining, I'd rather do this than nothing at all, but I just have the feeling something isn't right. Bertha Jorkins disappearance, for instance. What was that about? Who's taking care of her case?"

Kingsley looked at her intently.

"You are serious, aren't you?"

"'Course I am."

He stood up with a deep sigh. "Well, try to keep that energy of yours and channel it through your paperwork." He smiled at her and made a point of closing the file and setting it on top of her desk. Then he left the office.

Tonks looked at the closed door, slightly taken aback by the sudden end of the conversation. Maybe Kingsley thought she was complaining and he was about to report her to Scrimgeour after all. She groaned and put her head on her hands, hoping she had not blown it.

After a couple of minutes she decided she better get some work done. Sighing deeply, Tonks opened the file.

On top of the forms and old photographs, there was a small piece of parchment it had not been there before. Tonks opened it curiously.

_Meet me at Arthur Weasley's place after work. It's called 'The Burrow'. K. S._

She turned the parchment over hoping to see some extra information. There was none. She read the message a couple of times and then she destroyed it with her wand. Maybe this was what Moody had told her to wait for, maybe this was how she was getting contacted. If that was the case, she would not leave any trace behind, for if Kingsley had found such a sophisticated method to tell her something he could have casually drop in a normal conversation it had to be important and she would better be inconspicuous about it.

The rest of the day seemed to drag slower with every passing minute. Tonks kept thinking about the meaning of Kingsley's message, its possible relations with Moody, what would they ask for her and above it all, _How many people were in on this exactly?_

Eventually she renounced to her paperwork and started reading "Which Broomstick" instead, not expecting to be found by any of his superiors. It partially kept her mind from wandering.

Finally it was time. Not wanting for the entire office to hear where she was heading, although she very much doubted anyone would pay attention to what she would say when entering the fireplace, she dawdled for a while. Finally she went to the yet again almost deserted atrium and into one of the fireplaces.

"The Burrow," she said clearly and her surroundings started spinning.

She found herself in a cosy and deserted living room crammed with mismatched sofas and chairs.

"Hullo?" she called tentatively.

"Over her, dear," she heard a woman calling from a door. She followed the voice into a big kitchen where a witch wearing a flowery apron was stirring something with her wand. Her resemblance with Charlie and his brothers was remarkable, she was red-haired too and there was a spark on her eyes that, despite the motherly appearance, made Tonks think about mischief making back at Hogwarts.

"Uhm… Wotcher. I'm Tonks, Nymphadora Tonks. Kingsley Sha-"

"Of course you are," the woman replied, smiling kindly. "I'm Molly Weasley, Arthur's wife. He told me you would be joining us. And of course I remember you from the Platform, though I must say you've grown quite a bit since. Nice to see you again, Nymphadora." She finished with an outstretched hand.

"I'd rather you call me Tonks."

"Oh, alright," she said smartly, putting the creamy stuff she had been stirring into the oven. Then she added, while looking at some boiling liquid in a pot at the stove, "I'm afraid Arthur and Kingsley won't be here just yet. They had to run some errands and they will use other means of transportation, since you were using the Floo Network."

Mrs. Weasley beamed at her.

"Were you and Charlie close friends?" she asked abruptly.

"Well…" Tonks wondered how much had Charlie shared with his mum about his girlfriends back at school. "Yeah, we were, even though I was in Hufflepuff and we never had many classes together. We used to play Quidditch against each other, he was a fantastic seeker. Just," she added immediately, "don't tell him I said that."

Molly Weasley chuckled.

"I've been told he was a good player but don't worry, dear, I'm not going to inflate that head of his any further," she said, proudly. "Would you like something to eat? Perhaps a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, thanks."

The older woman served the tea, adding a plate full of homemade cookies and sat at the table, indicating Tonks to do the same. She took a sip from the steaming mug and looked at her host curiously. There were thousands of questions racing through her mind but she was not sure how to ask them to this woman, or even if she was indeed someone she could trust with them.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Weasley…"

"Call me Molly, dear."

"Right, Molly… Er… I don't want to be rude or anything, but… why am I here?" Tonks asked tentatively.

"I'm afraid I'm not the one to explain it to you. I just have to ask you to be patient. The others won't be long now." She had just finished saying this when someone knocked the kitchen door. "See?" She stood up hastily and opened it.

"Good evening, Molly" It was a voice Tonks had not heard of a while, but she was not likely to forget. Professor Dumbledore was entering the kitchen. "Hello, Nymphadora. It's been a long time."

She stood up so quickly she knocked her mug to the floor.

"Shoot! I'm… I'm sorry."

"Not to worry, dear," said Mrs. Weasley and pointing her wand at the broken china she murmured _Reparo._

Tonks turned to Dumbledore awkwardly, remembering the way he so stubbornly refused to call her by her surname.

"It's nice to see you again, Professor. I… I rather you call me Tonks"

He smiled at her with sparkling eyes.

"You are a grown woman now, Tonks, and furthermore an Auror. I would also correct you on your addressing to me and say it is alright for you to call me just Dumbledore or Albus if you prefer it."

"Er… right you are, Prof- er… Dumbledore." She was feeling nervous and her palms were sweating. Was this about what she thought it would be?

"Would you like some tea, Albus?" Molly inquired.

"That would be lovely. Please," he added to Tonks, "have a sit. We have important matters to discuss and I would rather do it before this lovely kitchen gets too crowded."


	41. In the backyard of the Weasley’s home

Tonks stood in the backyard of the Weasley's home, clutching another steaming mug full of tea and thinking. Dumbledore had been concise and clear in his explanations and they all matched Moody's story on the Hospital Wing. She believed every word of it.

And then she had been offered the opportunity she had always wanted and she had said yes without hesitation. What was there to think about after all? He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was back and Dumbledore was reforming this Order of the Phoenix of his in order to fight against him. And she, Tonks, would be part of it all. She smiled proudly to herself, looking dreamily at the unkept garden.

Kingsley and Arthur Weasley had arrived a couple of minutes ago. They were now speaking to Dumbledore privately in Mr. Weasley's sitting room. There was going to be a meeting later and they were expecting other members of the Order to join them. Tonks was very curious about who they might be. Remembering what she had read about the former Order, the only person she could think of was Moody, but she was sure that his presence at the meeting would depend on madam Pomfrey releasing him from the Hospital Wing.

Cracking noises nearby made her jump; in the dim light of the deep blue sky Tonks saw two men that had just Apparated. Recognising one of them she gasped and in a swift movement, dropping the cup, she reached for her wand. Her gesture was mirrored by the two wizards just one fraction of a second later.

"Easy there," said the man she remembered for the many posters with his photograph she had distributed everywhere just a couple of years ago, when she was still doing Auror training. The man she remembered from an old photograph still lying in her wallet. The man she remembered playing with so many years before.

"_Stupefy_!" she yelled at him.

Sirius Black fell into the floor unconscious. In one quick movement Tonks turned to face the other one, casting a non-verbal _Protego_ to shield her from any form of retaliation he could try on her. Surprisingly he did not move, although he was pointing his wand at her, in a sort of lose way that unnerved Tonks.

"Drop your wand or you'll be next," she finaly said coldly, keeping her voice steady.

The unknown wizard not only was not trying to attack her, but he seemed to find something quite entertaining, for a smile was starting to form in the corners of his mouth.

"I'd like to expl-"

"_Expeliarmus_!" The estranger's wand left his hand with a wide arc and Tonks caught it mid-air.

"I think you're making a mistake here," he said calmly, but he wasn't smiling any more, his eyes were darting from Tonks' own to the tip of her wand as if he were evaluating what to do next.

"Am I?" Tonks asked, arching an eyebrow and moving her wand an inch or so, to point exactly to the middle of the man's chest.

In that moment a louder _crack_ sounded just feet from them and out of the corner of her eye Tonks recognised the lopsided figure of her favourite Master.

"Wotcher, Mad-Eye," she said sternly, not looking away from the other wizard nor moving her wand.

Moody looked at her with a puzzled expression, at her prisoner and at the unconscious man at their feet. Then, alll of a sudden, he burst with a husky laughter. Now it was Tonks' turn to look mystified.

"What's so funny?"

"Did you just stun Sirius Black and disarm Remus Lupin?" he asked, amusement ringing in every word.

"I don't know who this one is, but they were together. And yes, I stunned Black," she replied blankly. The new name did sound familiar, she had read it not long ago but she could not recall where. But there were more important concerns now. What was the matter with Moody?

"Lower your wand, lass," he said.

"No friggin' way."

"Do as you're told and I'll explain."

Just the deep trust she had in Moody, mixed with those years of training that had showed her she would better do what he told her to, made her obey. On lowering her wand she looked wearily at this Remus Lupin, almost expecting him to jump and attack her the Muggle way or do something of the sort. Instead he was looking back calmly, the promise of a smile lingering in the corners of his mouth.

Moody approached her and gave a somewhat too hard pat on her back.

"Constant vigilance, eh? I've taught you well." He was still chuckling.

"Would you care to explain me what's going on?" Tonks asked harshly.

"Shouldn't we get Sirius up first?" the man called Remus Lupin asked in a soft hoarse voice. He seemed to be concern but amusement was his most distinctive feature.

_What on Earth is going on?_

"Nah! He'll be fine," Moody was saying, dismissively. "Tonks on the other hand may attack us both if we don't tell her right away what this all is about."

She looked at him with a stern face. She wasn't sure if he was mocking her and the fact that Moody kept displaying that twisted grimace of his she has come to understand was a smile, did nothing to reassure her.

"You see, Tonks, we've been mistaken about your dear cousin Sirius here," the old Auror said.

"He's no family of mine," she added harshly.

"For Merlin's beard he is. I'll tell you what he's not. He's not a murderer… at least, not now. He might try to kill you when we wake him up, though."

"What?" _This must be a joke. A prank. No, Mad-Eye doesn't joke, ever. Maybe he _really_ went mad after those months inside a trunk. They've all lost it!. _She looked at her Master, panic rising inside her "What are you talking about, Mad-Eye?"

"He wasn't the one who killed all those Muggles, it was that pathetic excuse of a wizard Peter Pettigrew."

"Pettigrew's dead." _He _is_ mad. _

_But then, if he was right about You-Know-Who being back, and that had been confirmed by Dumbledore… then maybe…_

"No he's not dead. He's well alive and joined the Dark Lord months ago," Moody replied impatiently. "Now, stop being so stubborn and trust me. _Enervate,_" he added, pointing his own wand at Sirius.

The man lying in the floor groaned and stood up slowly, rubbing the back of his head. After looking around slowly at the three people surrounding him, he addressed Moody.

"Let me guess, Mad-Eye," he started slowly with a hoarse voice, "you're the one who taught this witch here to stun first and ask questions later?"

Moody grimaced again and gave her a smug glare. As a matter of fact, Tonks didn't remember seeing him so proud of her before so she smiled despite herself.

"Tonks," Moody said, "let me introduce you… or re-introduce you… to your mother's cousin Sirius Black and his friend Remus Lupin. This is Nymphadora Tonks."

"Tonks?" Sirius asked amazed, looking up and down at her. "Is that you? You're so… grown up!"

"Well, that was bond to happen after fourteen years, you see," Tonks replied dryly. She was not going to give up that easily.

It was difficult to see her handsome cousin Sirius in this weary, thin man. However the sparkling in his eyes seemed to take her back in time, suddenly she was eight again and this was her mother's favourite cousin, the one who used to make her laugh.

_Merlin's balls, I've grown up learning this man was bad news and all of a sudden it turns out mum was right and he _is _innocent!_

Sirius seemed to be doing some sort of time travelling himself, but while she was frowning thoughtfully, he was beaming at her.

"You're an Auror," he said, looking at her and Moody.

"Yes, I am… Listen I…" Tonks started talking. Then she seemed to change her mind. "You know, I was about to say I'm sorry I attacked you, but the truth is I'm not sorry at all. I hope you're not sore tomorrow, tough."

Sirius gave a bark-like laugh and hugged her.

"It's nice to meet you again, Nymphadora."

She froze in his arms. Even if there was something deeply familiar in the hug, the smell, the feeling, she was not ready. Feeling her stiffen, Sirius let go of her almost instantly.

"Don't call me that unless you want me to stun the daylights out of you again. It's Tonks."

Her cousin chuckled despite her ever-so-cold attitude.

"So you kept on with that. I knew you meant business when you were telling everybody who would listen that you hated to be called Nymphadora. And now I can tell you… I never got why your mother gave you that stupid name."

Despite herself, Tonks could not help but smile at the memories.

"Come on, now!" barked Moody. Tonks had almost forgotten that he and Remus Lupin were there. "We don't have time for small talk, there's a meeting about to begin," the old Auror called over his shoulder, walking to the house. Sirius gave her a crooked smile and then turned around to trail behind him. Tonks was about to follow them when she heard Lupin's voice.

"Tonks?" She turned around to see him looking at her intently and smiling. "Do you mind giving me my wand back?"

She could feel her face turning red and hastily gave one of the wands to the man.

"The other one, I think," he said, now smiling at her with amusement.

"Bollocks," she whispered, returning the second wand she was holding to its owner. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise…"

"Don't worry about it," said Lupin taking the wand, his eyes now positively shining with a mischievous light. "It was one of the nicest disarming spells I've ever had the misfortune to receive." With that statement, he turned around to walk into the house after Sirius.

Tonks took a deep breath before picking up the broken china that no long ago had been a steaming mug full of tea, and walking to the house to join the man in. She had been in the Order for no more than an hour and she had managed to stun a fellow member and to remove another one's wand. It wasn't her fault, she thought defensively, but she honestly hoped that misfortune would leave her alone for a change.

* * *

**Lupin's Tale Ch 43.**


	42. I’ll be all right, MadEye!

27th June, 1995 (Tuesday)

"I'll be all right, Mad-Eye!"

"That's not the point, lass!"

"Then, what's worrying you so much? Don't you think I'll be able to do the job?"

As an answer, Mad-Eye Moody just grunted.

"Then?" Tonks asked defiantly.

He took his time to answer, sipping from the chipped mug he was clutching in his hands and avoiding her gaze. She had never seen him so… speechless before. It seemed impossible but Mad-Eye, the tough Auror, his mentor, was actually having trouble to tell her something.

Finally, he looked at her with both mismatched eyes.

"I'm worried about the toll this will take on you," he murmured with a low voice.

Tonks looked at him puzzled.

"Do you mean…?"

_There were just two newcomers inside the Burrow when Tonks entered following Remus Lupin; she suspected they had used the Floo Network to arrive. One of them was a batted old lady she did not know and the other one, she could barely believe her eyes, was Mundungus Fletcher, well known in every Magical Law Enforcement department as a crooked petty criminal that went in and out of prison, always on minor charges._

_Sirius was already sitting next to him and both men were talking in a somewhat conspiratorial tone. Arthur and Kingsley where sharing one not large enough sofa with Moody, and Dumbledore occupied one arm chair near the fireplace. Lupin was summoning chairs from the kitchen and Tonks was indicated to occupy one of them, sandwiched between him and Molly. _

_When everybody was settled, every head turned to look at Dumbledore. He was smiling at them but there was an air of graveness Tonks was not used to see in the Headmaster._

"I am worried about you thinking you'll 'be all right', 'cause you won't!" Moody suddenly yelled, putting his mug in the table with such force that a good quantity of the liquid spilled over the surface.

"_I have personally discussed the return of Lord Voldemort with every one of you on recent days," many people twitched uncomfortable in their sits and Tonks heard Molly's soft gasp. Even after the years spent in Auror training, she was not very comfortable with hearing the name either. Dumbledore continued as if there had been no reaction to his words. "… and I have been very pleased to know that you are willing to join this group in order to fight this menace. Some of you," he nodded at Mundungus and the old woman, "had been members of the original Order of the Phoenix the last time it was formed. I am honoured that I can still count on you. To the newcomers," now the Headmaster's piercing blue eyes were focused on Tonks, and then he looked at the Weasleys, "I don't have enough words to express my gratitude."_

_Excitement was running down her spine with every word. She was feeling proud, strong, and eager to do whatever they were supposed to do. Tonks did not dare to look around to see if the same excitement would be visible in her fellow members too. She felt somehow though, that there was some graveness in the room she had not been aware of before._

"You are thinking this is going to be a great adventure, the chance you've been waiting for, buried in all your paperwork, to prove that you're good. You think this is gonna be great, glamorous…" Mad-Eye chuckled humourless.

"I think…" Tonks started, but he did not let her continue.

"I know you're capable. I know you're good. You will do fine. But, listen to me, Tonks, you _won't_ be all right. Not now, nor later, not even if we win!"

"_If_ we win?" She could not hide the tone of surprise in her voice. How could they _not_ win!

"_Now," Dumbledore was speaking again, drowning the subdued whispering that had erupted in the room, "there is a very important task we have to start as soon as possible. I am talking about the tracking of known Death Eaters and the identification of new people that might want to join Voldemort."_

_There was more discomfort in the room, but this time Tonks noticed that Lupin had remained undisturbed by the sound of the name._

"_We shall try to follow them in order to determine to what extend are they already working for the Dark Lord and, of course, what is that they are planning to do, although on this particular matter, I do have an inkling."_

"_What is it?" Sirius asked bluntly._

"_I will share it with you on our next meeting, when I shall have more details on the matter," even though Dumbledore was smiling, Tonks could feel in the tone of his voice that there was not room for discussion, at least not for the time being. _

"This is not a fairy tale, lass. This is real life, and real war. Nobody said we are going to win, in this story we might as well be death in a couple of months, all of us!"

"I know tha—," she started again.

"You know, maybe," her master raised his voice to drown hers, "but you haven't realised yet what that could mean."

"But I…"

"Quiet!"

Tonks jumped in her seat and some of her own tea spilled on the floor. It has been a very long time since she had been spoken so harshly by Mad-Eye. Her eyes wide open, she stared at him.

"I want you to think. I want you to picture it: we all might die. I could be dead, the Weasleys, with all their red-headed kids remaining orphans, your cousin Sirius, Lupin, Shacklebolt. You."

"_Kingsley, we're also counting on you to keep feeding the Ministry with incorrect information about Sirius Black's whereabouts."_

_Tonks looked at her college. His expression was calmed, as usual, but his fists were clenched over his lap. She remembered him telling her that she wouldn't want to get mixed with the investigation. Had it just been days ago? It seemed like months. Now she was beginning to understand the dangerous roles they all were playing, especially him._

Tonks suppressed a shiver and stared pointedly at her boots. In her mind she could picture her parents, receiving from an anonymous informant the news that she had been killed in action. She looked up again to see that Moody's eyes were still fixed on her, for a moment she tried to imagine him dead, his body limp and lifeless, without that enormous amount of energy that seemed to be his most known feature.

She couldn't; he couldn't… and yet she had to.

"_There are no further matters to discuss for now," Dumbledore spoke again. "I will ask again for every one of you to be safe and especially careful when communicating with each other. Until the next time, I wish you well."_

_He stood up and almost instantly the rest of the occupants of the Weasley's small living room followed his example. Groups formed and urgent conversations were held in whispers, though none of what was being said carried to Tonks' ears. Excitement was tangible in the air, but also fear, some coldness in the atmosphere that had not been there at the beginning of the gathering, and she could not ignore it now. _

_Looking around she felt more lonesome than ever in her life, even though she was in a room full of people._

"_Would you like to stay for dinner?" Molly was asking her. Tonks jumped, as if she was being suddenly awaken from a very long sleep._

"_Eh… what? Oh…" she looked at her host sheepishly. "Thanks a lot, Molly but I guess I'll go home for now. It has been a long day and…" _

"_Of course, of course," the older woman said kindly._

"_Tonks?" Moody called her. She smiled at Molly briefly and joined the Auror. "Let's get outta here, we'll get a cup of tea at my place." he grunted._

Nobody spoke for what seemed like a very long time. Tonks' mind kept wandering to her memories of the reunion, the details, the words, the expressions on everybody's faces.

Arthur Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt carried grave expressions and continued to talk in hushed voices, for a moment she had wanted to join them, but suddenly she had felt as if she did not belong there, as if she were just a little girl that got into a very serious adult conversation by mistake. Despite the haunted features in his cousin Sirius after so many years in Azkaban, there had been an air of determination that made him look a bit as handsome as she remembered him to be. Lupin, at his side, had the blankest expression she had ever seen. Only the rigidity of his shoulders could tell that something might be worrying him.

_She gave the room a sweeping look and murmured "Good night" addressing no-one in particular. Sirius beamed at her and, at his side, Lupin winked. After that she could not register any of the expressions of the other members of the order, for Moody had grabbed her by her upper arm and was pushing her in a not very gently way towards the back yard._

"Do you still want to do this?" Moody's abnormally kind voice broke that delicate silence that had settled among them and the uncomfortable chill that Tonks had tried so hard to suppress finally went down her spine. She made an effort to hide it from her master.

In all his apparent doubts, in every challenge he had thrown at her, this very serious question had been hidden all along. He was concerned not only for her physical well being but also for the impact that working for the Order could have in her mind, in her heart. And Tonks felt this was her last chance to go back... but she realised there was no room for doubt in her.

Squaring her shoulders and returning his gaze she spoke clearly.

"Yes, I do."

Moody grunted something that might have been approval.

"You know there won't be no going back whenever you want, right?"

"I won't want to go back, Mad-Eye. Stop doubting me!" Defiance had come back to her voice. Now that she had confirmed her long made decision, she was not going to lose more time dwelling on her own capability. "There is nothing else to think about," she said coldly. "You know me, you know how I feel. I want to fight, I am ready, and I am willing to risk whatever it takes."

There was something different in Moody's glance this time, even though his eyes were still piercing in hers. After a moment he spoke again.

"I wouldn't have expected less of you, Tonks." He gave her a crooked terrifying smile. "Now go home, get some rest. Merlin knows you'll need it soon enough."

As in a dream, Tonks felt him accompanying her to the door and closing it behind her back without another word.

She stared at the uneven wood for a moment. What she had told Moody was true; there was no doubt in her conviction. Finally, it was time to fight.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, sorry for the long delay! I'm really thankful to those who are still sticking with this tale, and to the wonderful reviews, specially to AmiNoMatterHowPerfect.**

**Although I've already sent this chapter to my beta PotedLilies (thanks a lot, hiccuping girl!), I was so impatient to post that I didn't wait for her response so, apologies for the silly mistakes. I promise I will correct them as soon as I have the "betaed" version.**

**Cheers!  
**


	43. One of those rare days

29th June, Thursday

It had been one of those rare days in which she had little to do at the office and she was determined to take full advantage of it. Moody had come into her cubicle earlier that morning to surreptitiously inform her about the next meeting that would take place the next day at the new headquarters. Other than that, Tonks had heard nothing about the Order since the first meeting at the Burrow and she was starting to feel edgy; now she _had_ something to do, even if it was not strictly related to the fight against You-Know-Who.

Her old Master had shown her a piece of parchment in which it was written that the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix could be found at Number 12 Grimmauld place. She did not need him to tell her that the place had been protected by the Fidelius Charm and that the only person that could had written the location was the Secret Keeper himself, probably Albus Dumbledore.

What she did not know was why the address sounded so familiar to her, as if she had heard about it before. After reviewing unsuccessfully the last criminal records she had been classifying in the office she came to the conclusion that the particular address had nothing to do with something recent.

Now Tonks was determined to find out what was about that place that gave her such a strong feeling of familiarity. She was going there, if only to take a look at it.

Morphing into a middle age woman, the type nobody would look at twice, and checking the way in order to go there the Muggle way, Tonks left the office early with a feeling of foreboding. Despite her own attempts to convince herself that there was nothing wrong about going to Headquarters a little ahead of schedule – _after all, the place is for the use of the members of the Order of the Phoenix – _she could not help but feeling that such members would be less than thrilled if they knew what she was up to.

Shaking her head in a vain attempt to get rid of that thought she finally reached Grimmauld Place. At first sight it was plain to Tonks that she had not been in this location before. It was a dirty square, not unlike many random places that could be found in the city, with unkempt grass and wooden benches, some of them with parts missing. It was surrounded by old houses, with graffiti on the walls, dustbins at the entrance and even several broken windows.

Trying to look casual she walked around the place until she reached the side she was looking for. There they were number 11 and number 13. Concentrating hard on the words scribbled on the piece of parchment she had read hours before, she looked at the spot between both houses. There it was: it seemed like an extra building was making its way between the solid houses, pushing them to both sides and after a short moment an extra house was there, as solid as its neighbours.

_Number 12, Grimmauld Place._

It was a tall structure with long dark windows and it looked as if nobody had been there for a very long time. Still trying to look casual, she approached the black wooden door. There was nothing on it but a bronze door handle shaped like the head of a snake.

Following an impulse, Tonks climbed the few steps that separated the entrance from the street and was about to knock the door when she stopped, her fist suspended in mid-air.

Maybe there was somebody from the Order inside, maybe not. And maybe, that somebody would not mind her coming one day early, maybe not. And that person not being happy with her presence could cost her… she could not imagine what might happen if that were the case but finally, with a deep sight, she decided to go home and just wait patiently until the next day.

"Excuse me?"

The hoarse voice behind her made her jump and she turned around so fast her neck cracked. Remus Lupin was standing in the bottom of the stairs, carrying two paper bags and looking surprised.

"Wotcher!" she said, smiling nervously.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Well… yeah… no… I mean," suddenly Tonks realised he had no clue who was he talking with. She could, of course, just go and take advantage of the fact but since she _was_ inside the protection of the Fidelius Charm, she very much doubted he would let her go without at least wanting to ask her some questions. Dropping her shoulders in defeat she decided it was time to tell the truth. "It's Tonks, Mr. Lupin."

Just an almost imperceptive widening in his eyes showed that he was surprised; it lasted a fraction of a second though and then, without saying a word, he climbed the few steps and putting one finger on his lips to show Tonks she had to be quiet, he gestured her to follow him inside.

The smell of moisture, dust and something rotten was everywhere on the dimly lit corridor. It all looked exactly like the haunted places on Muggle horror films: peeling wall paper, gas lamps, moth-eaten carpets, except Tonks very much doubted Muggles would display beheaded house elves in their movie settings no matter how scary they wanted to make it look.

As a matter of fact, if she had been alone she may have just turned around and left the premises or perhaps shot a couple of curses to the black curtains on the wall, just in case. Or maybe she would have laughed her head off, it all looked so cliché.

Lupin's calming presence though was forcing her to behave her most professional and she was walking down the corridor with the air of somebody used to dwell on haunted, dusty, dimly-lit hallways. Down a stone stair they went, following a flickering light that came from behind a wooden door. Her companion knock it a couple of times and without waiting for an answer he opened it.

They entered a big kitchen that surely had met happier days. Now it was filthy and looked as if many years had passed since the last time somebody had cooked something in it. At least there was a small fire on the fireplace that gave the room a much better atmosphere than the corridor Tonks and Lupin had just vacated.

The place was empty but there were traces it had been occupied recently: the surface of the wooden table was clean and on top of it there were two glasses with rests of a ginger liquid, a copy of the Daily Prophet and some dirty plates.

But she could not continue with her taking of the surroundings for Lupin, in a very swift movement, had left the bags on the counter and was pointing at her with his wand.

"What the-?"

"What's the first spell Tonks used on Lupin when they first met?" he asked calmly, the tip of his wand steady and aiming at her chest.

"Er… uhm…" her brains seemed to have melted. She was looking from the tip of Lupin's wand to his own brown eyes, and could not recall the moment in question. They had been at the Burrow, she had been on her own, Lupin and Sirius had Apparated… "Expeliarmus!"

Lupin smiled and lowered his wand.

"You could have asked me to morph back, Mr. Lupin," she said, relieved to feel that her brains were working properly again, and turning into her usual self, displaying spiky bubblegum pink hair.

His eyes widened again and his smile grew broader.

"I didn't know you were a Metamorphmagus, Sirius failed to tell me that; I figured you had drunk Polyjuice Potion. And please, call me Remus."

"All right, Remus," she smiled at him. "I do hope that the next time we meet none of us would be pointing wands at the other's chests, not matter how fun it may seem."

Lupin gave a small chuckle and turned around to empty the contents of the paper bags.

"Do you live here?" Tonks asked, not wanting him to start asking the reason for her impromptu visit to the place.

"No, absolutely not," he said with a cheerful voice, "but I'm afraid I will be spending a lot of time in here. Not a very happy perspective."

Lupin turned around and handed Tonks a bottle of Butterbeer, she took it gingerly.

"Because of this place being Headquarters?" she asked a bit confused, sitting on the table, legs crossed.

"Not only that." Lupin said, sitting on a chair and sipping from his own bottle. "Dumbledore thinks that Sirius should stay hidden for the time being, since he is the only one wanted by both the Ministry and the Death Eaters, and I guess I'm the one that should keep him company, when possible."

"Bollocks! I bet he's not very happy with staying behind. Where is he, by the way?" she replied looking around, as if just by mentioning him, her cousin would appear out of thin air.

"Sulking in the attic I expect." Lupin replied with a smile. "At least, that's where I left him last time I saw him."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"No, I'm not. I bet he's been there since last night."

"And you?" she asked bluntly.

"Me? I went home and now I'm back. And you?" he replied with a knowing smile.

"Me?" she mirrored him. "I went to work, now I'm here."

"I can see that," he said with a mischievous glow in his eyes. "But why are you here? The meeting is tomorrow. Not that I don't want you to be here, I'm just curious," he added.

"Curious…" she said slowly. "Well, I guess I was curious myself. I wanted to check on the place before the meeting. I couldn't decide if I should knock or not and that's when you found me."

"Oh."

Tonks had a strong feeling she could trust this Remus Lupin with the truth, no matter how weird it sounded.

"What is this place? It seems somehow familiar… but I can't recall being here before."

"It is bound to be familiar to you, I daresay you might have heard your mother talk about it once or twice," he replied with a knowing smile.

"My mother?"

"This is the Black family house, she was raised in here. Sirius inherited it when her mother died and he offered it for Headquarters."

"My mother was raised in this house?" she almost yelled, "no wonder she's so… unhinged!"

Lupin laughed softly.

"If I recall correctly, she hadn't been here for a long while. You should ask Sirius to tell you that story; I just know bits and pieces."

Tonks looked around again.

"It seems to fit though, don't you think? The right place for a secret organisation?"

"Secret codes, dark places, and dusty carpets?" he talked with a hint of scorn in his voice. "Maybe you're right. The problem is that since it has been unoccupied such a long time, we will have to work hard to make this place suited for humans… we practically had to fight our way in when we came here after the meeting two days ago."

"And now Sirius has to stay here…"

"He's not taking it nicely."

Both remained silent for a while.

A bunch of thoughts were fighting inside Tonks' head. She was curious, she wanted to keep talking to Lupin, but the small facts of her family history he had just said made her want to know more. It was time for her to stop acting according to mistaken believes, she wanted to talk to Sirius.

"Where is he, Remus?" she said, jumping from the table and tripping slightly in the stone floor.

Lupin stared at her for a moment.

"I'll show you."

* * *

**After Lupin's Ch 44.**


	44. There was a good inch of dust

If the entrance hall and the kitchen had looked creepy to Tonks, it was nothing compared to the rest of the house, where no cleaning had yet being done. There was a good inch of dust on every surface, cobwebs so thick they looked like blankets hanging from the chandeliers, ancient dark objects in every corner and mysterious voices whispering from behind curtains.

"You have to be very quiet."

Remus' soft voice near her ear sent a chill down her spine.

"Why?" she asked looking at him, he was very close.

"We don't want to wake anything up."

Tonks looked at him puzzled but he just smiled faintly and indicated her to follow.

Both climbed several flights of stairs, passing in front of closed doors and dirty furniture, until they reached the topmost landing. Remus pointed his wand at a closed door, a deep blue glow showed the outline of a human figure lying on the ground, and another one, much bigger, standing on four legs.

"What's that?" Tonks asked again, trying not to show any trace of fear in her voice.

"A hippogriff."

"Oh, that's nice," she said ironically.

Remus looked at her and smiled.

"Go on then," he pointed at the door.

She was about to ask him to come with her, but deciding that would be very silly, she took a deep breath and approached the closed door.

"Sirius?" she called knocking the door softly.

There was no response from the inside.

"Sirius!"

"Go away," a hoarse voice murmured from the inside.

"I won't! Are you going to open the door or should I try myself?"

"Tonks?" there was surprise in his voice, and a heartbeat later the door opened.

Sirius was covered in dust and looked almost identical as his picture in the wanted signs Tonks was now so used to see.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"And good evening to you too," she replied cheekily. "You do look handsome when you're wearing dust."

At her back Remus gave a soft laugh.

"Dinner?" he asked.

With a grunt and a somewhat apologetic smile directed to Tonks, Sirius passed in front of them and started climbing down the stairs. Both she and Lupin followed him.

And there it was, just at the end of the bottommost flight of stairs, a very strange object Tonks had failed to spot on their way up, too distracted on looking at the many creepy things everywhere. Whatever it was, she didn't see it now either, she tripped on it, and landed loudly on the dusty corridor.

"FILTH! WHO DARES TO COME TO MY HOUSE?! WHO IS EMBARRASING THE HOUSE OF MY PARENTS?!"

A great black curtain had flung open and there was… a woman. An elderly woman that looked remarkably like Tonks' mother was screaming her head off. She reached instinctively for her wand but she realised almost a second later it was just a painting, a very loud one.

Suddenly other paintings in the wall started screaming as well as if they had been awoken by the woman; it was so loud Tonks wanted to run away.

"Stun them!" Remus yelled over the deafening noise, while Sirius was already running through the corridor to the woman's portrait, yelling curses at her.

"YOU!!," the woman screamed even louder. "MY OWN SON! SHAME OF MY FLESH! DISGRACE TO THE HOUSE OF BLACK!"

"HELP ME CLOSE THE CURTAIN!" Sirius shouted at Tonks.

She run in his help and at the sight of her, the woman in the portrait screamed even louder.

"FREAK! MUDBLOOD! ABOMINATION!"

"QUIET!" Sirius yelled while both he and Tonks finally succeeded on closing the curtains.

Meanwhile Remus was almost finished stunning the rest of the screaming portraits.

Panting, they entered the kitchen and sat at the table. In contrast to the impossibly loud noises of seconds before, Tonks had the feeling the silence was ringing in her ears.

"I'm sorry I… what was that?"

"_That_, Tonksie, was our family," said Sirius with a grimace. "Aren't you proud to belong to the Most Arrogant and Obnoxious House of Black?"

"I… well… I've never been particularly proud, no," Tonks murmured with a shudder. "Who was that woman? She looks an awful lot like my mom!"

"That was _my_ mom, your aunty Walburga. Moony, we have to take that bloody portrait down, no matter what it takes!"

Tonks looked surprised at Remus. That was a very odd nickname and she was about to ask where did it come from, but he was already speaking.

"I don't think it would be easy."

"I'm willing to take that wall down if I have to."

"That won't be easy either."

"Of course, you keep being so cheerful, that's just what I need," Sirius said bitterly.

"Anytime," Remus smiled broadly.

"So, Tonks," Sirius addressed her, "what's up?"

She looked at him. It was plain that he was making efforts to sound casual while trying to approach her, but despite her wanting to know more about her family, Tonks was still finding difficult to behave normally around him. _What is normal when dealing with a false-convicted long-lost cousin anyways?_

"I'm fine…" she muttered. He reached for a couple of Butterbeers and handed one to her, while throwing a third one Remus catch in mid-air.

"Would you trust this Azkaban escaped prisoner enough to let him offer you one of this?"

Tonks chuckled and he gave a deep bark-like laugh that made his features look a tad less eerie.

"You give me some time, Sirius," she said taking the bottle form his cousin's hand. "It's not easy, you know, having to throw away everything you believe in just a couple of days."

"Not easy? Sure, understand. I just spent 12 years in prison falsely accused and one extra year on the run impersonating a dog… and now I'll be forced to stay in this wretched place for Merlin knows how long. I wouldn't know a thing about 'not easy'."

Tonks looked at his cousin's eyes, embarrassed, but there was just amusement dancing on them and he was actually smiling while opening his own bottle.

"Fair point," she said, sipping from her bottle. "What do you mean 'impersonating a dog'?"

"He's an Animagus." Remus answered, for Sirius was draining his Butterbeer at a considerable speed.

"You are?" Tonks said, looking at Sirius, wide-eyed. Then she turned to the other man, "are you an Animagus too?"

"No," he replied shortly. She had the feeling, though, that there was something else to it, something Remus Lupin did not seem too willing to share just yet.

"So," she continued, "you can turn into a dog."

"A very fine, handsome one," Sirius replied with a wink. "I'll show you sometime, if you behave."

"I never behave," Tonks prompted.

"Much better."

"It would be unnatural in a Black to be proper and behave," Lupin muttered.

"You seem to be too sure of that, Lupin," she said coldly, a bit annoyed. Despite her training and efforts, the mention of her family still put her on edge.

"I'm an expert," Lupin smiled at her kindly, "For seven years I had to share a dormitory back at Hogwarts with this particular Black."

"You _had_! You say it as if it had been dreadful," Sirius sneered. "Those were the best years of your life!"

"I won't disagree," he smiled at Tonks. "The risk of being expelled on a daily basis sure causes that particular feeling."

Sirius snorted.

"And what brings my baby cousin to this particular corner of the world? Did Dumbledore send you to check on us? If that's the case, you can tell him we've-"

"Nope, I came on my own accord. I wanted to check on the place, I had no idea you two would be here."

"I was telling her this was her mother's house when she was little," Remus interjected.

"And I told him that explained a lot of things," Tonks replied sitting on the table again.

"Don't you be harsh on your mom now, Tonks," Sirius said in a somewhat severe tone. "She's one of the few decent members this rotten family of ours had produced in centuries… and I'd say you are quite decent yourself but, of course, that's something Ted should be thanked for. How are they these days?"

"They're alright." Tonks had more pressing matters she wanted to discuss, though, and did not want to get sidetracked. "How did you come to inherit this house if your mum seems to dislike you that much?" She asked jerking her head in direction to the canvas in the hallway.

"I am the only one left," he replied with a hit of pride in his voice.

"Didn't you have a brother?"

Sirius beamed.

"You remember him?"

"I… well… I didn't, till now. Somehow random pieces of information are coming to me."

Sirius stretched in his chair and put his hands behind his head. For the first time since she had seen him again, he seemed to be feeling at ease. Remus stood up quietly and waked to the counter, summoning food ingredients out of the pile that had been on the paper bags before.

"Are you staying for dinner?" he asked Tonks.

She looked at both men. Although none of them said another word, there was a warm welcome in their expressions.

"All right." She smiled back at them.

Maybe she was not yet as relaxed as Sirius, nor as calm as Remus, but she would get there, eventually.


	45. It was plain they had been talking

30th June, Friday

Sirius and Lupin were already there and it was plain they had been talking until she and Kingsley had came into the kitchen. Both men stood up to greet them and, even though he was being nice and friendly, Tonks noticed there was something that deeply disturbed Sirius, while Lupin had the air of somebody weary of a long argument. Whatever it was the reason, and Tonks very much suspected that it had something to do with Sirius having to stay at Headquarters, they looked relieved to end their conversation.

The door of the kitchen opened again, Arthur and Molly Weasley entered, followed by another red-headed man that smiled broadly at the sight of Tonks.

"Do my eyes deceive me?" he said walking towards her.

"Billy boy!" she cried, throwing herself impulsively into her friend's arms.

"Nice to see you Nymphadora!"

"Don't call me—"

"Then don't call me Billy boy!"

She smiled at him.

"How've you been, then? Too sunny in Egypt you've decided to come back?"

"Yeah, you know, delicate skin," Bill said, pointing at his freckles. "You don't think I'll let you go chase those bad Death Eaters by yourself now, would I?"

"Always the gentleman," Tonks mocked him.

"You know me."

They were interrupted by the arrival of yet more people, entering the kitchen in groups of two or three. The most recent order for Tonks and Kingsley had been to enter the house without knocking and to head directly to the basement they were currently occupying. Apparently everybody had received the same indications even though, for the fragments of conversations overhead, none of them seemed to have a clue of why it was not advisable to knock.

The day before she, Sirius and Remus had tried everything they had came up with to take the screaming portrait of Sirius' mother out of the wall but it just did not give up. It seemed that the woman had taken every precaution on that matter. Eventually they grew weary of hearing the same screaming over and over again and decided to just leave the portrait for the time being.

Tonks was very happy now of her idea of the previous day. After spending some hours at Headquarters she was not as uncomfortable as the day before, and the premises seemed a little less creepy, though barely. She was enjoying herself a little now with the faces of distress of most of the members.

Finally Dumbledore came in and the animated conversation that had spread all over finished almost instantly. Tonks sat on the nearest chair between Mad-Eye and Remus and looked eagerly at her former Headmaster. Despite her most recent conversation with Moody, she could not help but feel that excitement again and it was taking all her self-control not to show it for her former Master to see.

Dumbledore's first words were similar than the ones said at the Burrow, as a courtesy for the new members. Tonks let her mind wander a little and focused on looking at the people sitting around the kitchen table, specially the new ones she had been introduced to just minutes before. The meeting, she thought, looked more like an old schoolmate's reunion than the gathering of the members of a secret organisation. Although, she couldn't help but thinking that this was a very odd group of wizards and witches… actually she doubted there could be another gathering as mismatched than this one.

There was Mad-Eye Moody, the warrior that had fought and survived so much, looking suspiciously at everybody and taking sips from his flask every now and then. She couldn't help but notice the great contrast both of them were probably making, sitting next to each other, considering that she was one of the youngest members of the Order and was featuring vivid red waist-long hair. She was probably one of the most excited and nervous persons in the room too, and she very much hoped that would not be evident to the rest of the members.

There was something… appealing about Remus Lupin; she was forced to admit it. She had the distinct impression he was hiding something, and he had the air of somebody who had not had the easiest of lives; he looked older that he was, for a start. Tonks wandered what could be behind that calm man with hoarse voice and bright gray eyes.

He had been talking quietly to Arthur Weasley, who was now staring at Dumbledore even though he must know his speech by heart now. Molly was sitting next to him, giving Bill, on her other side, surreptitious apprehensive looks. Tonks could tell that she was proud but mostly worried about his son joining the fight.

Next to Dumbledore sat Mundungus Fletcher. He was glancing around with tired puffy eyes and seemed to think he didn't belong there; from time to time his sight would wander nervously in the direction of Moody's magical blue eye, which seemed fixed on him. Arabella Figg, a batted old lady Tonks had met at the previous meeting, also looked a bit confused and kept clutching her handbag with trembling fingers.

There was a group of three people Tonks had never seen before: Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance and Deddalus Diggle came together. She had learned from Lupin that Emmeline had been the only one who had been in the Order the last time. Finally Kingsley Shacklebolt was sitting at Sirius' side in silence, looking alert. The latter seemed to be uncomfortable and she wandered if it had something to do with the fact that some of the presents had just learned he was not a convicted murderer escaped from Azkaban.

Lupin seemed to be doing the same surveying as her, for he murmured, "He's keeping us waiting."

"Sorry?" she asked.

"We are expecting yet another member," he said with a small smile.

"Who is it?"

"For the sound of it, you'll see about now."

Indeed Tonks heard steps coming from the stone stairs and looked at the door. For a moment she thought she was seeing things, for her old potions master Severus Snape was entering the room wearing a disgusted expression. He looked at Dumbledore, who had stopped talking and was smiling at him, and murmured a non committal "Good evening" directed to no one in particular.

"Good evening, Severus," said Dumbledore amiably.

There was a new kind of silence in the room now, a chilly one. Tonks herself felt a bit subdued and without being able to help it, looked at her old teacher with a bit of apprehension.

_Don't be stupid! He's not your teacher anymore and he's not going to tell you off! They won't let him, right?_

"Were you talking about Snape?" she whispered to Lupin, without looking at him.

"He's the one," he said in a flat tone.

"I'd never guessed…" Tonks left the sentence unfinished.

Meanwhile the potions Master had given a contemptuous look at the room at large, staring at Sirius for a second longer, and went to sit in the only place that remained empty, at the very corner, near Mrs. Figg. Tonks' cousin, on the other hand, looked as if he had just swallowed a vomit flavoured Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean and was looking daggers at Snape.

Dumbledore spoke again but there was a new urge in his voice. Tonks decided it was time to pay her fullest attention.

"I am glad you made it, Severus. I think it would be better if we start as soon as possible. If you please?"

Snape looked at Dumbledore for a fraction of a second and then he started speaking.

"As some of you know, it is my duty to infiltrate the ranks of the Dark Lord, posing as a Death Eater." For an instant, Tonks thought she was not hearing right. The few audible gasps from some of the members of the Order confirmed her that these were news for many of them too. "It hasn't been easy for me to regain his trust, but I am sure that I've managed to do so. I am, again, part of his inner circle."

Snape gave a pause, Tonks heard Moody snort distinctly and looked at him, but he was glancing at Snape with both normal and magical eye and did not meet her gaze.

"I've recently learned," continued Snape, ignoring the murmurs and speaking directly to Dumbledore now, "that it is the Dark Lord's priority to listen to a certain prophecy that had been made 15 years ago, about himself and Harry Potter. In its time, he was told about the prophecy by someone who managed to listen to a fragment of it, but failed in hearing it completely. He is blaming his downfall to that fragment of the prophecy he didn't know when he attacked the Potters."

"Excuse me," said Emmeline Vance from the other side of the table, "how is it possible to _listen_ to a prophecy that had been already made, if it is not asking the people who heard it? Or that's what You-Know-Who is planning to do?"

Snape seemed annoyed from the interruption but nonetheless he looked at her trying to sound polite.

"The Dark Lord knows there is a place where records are kept of each and every prophecy that had been made in the last hundreds of years. That place is said to be inside the Ministry of Magic. As we speak, he is planning to send someone to break into the Ministry, look for that place and retrieve the prophecy in order to hear it."

"Which is what we have to stop at any rate," said Dumbledore calmly.

"But what is the exact importance of that prophecy to Voldemort?" asked Lupin, some of the members murmured along the same lines, although some of them flinched at the mention of the name.

"It is information," Dumbledore answered, "knowledge that in Voldemort hands may give him a clue on how to gain power and especially on how to avoid his own destruction. It is fundamental for us to prevent him listen to that prophecy."

"Why can't we go and hear it ourselves?" Sirius asked. Tonks smiled at him for she had been about to ask the same thing, thinking that it was the most obvious of questions. If that thing could make He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named more powerful, surely they could use it in their advantage too.

"You can't just go and listen to prophecies as if they were Wireless." said Snape with a sneer.

Sirius was opening his mouth to answer when Dumbledore interrupted.

"I've already heard it."

Everybody looked at him.

"The prophecy in question was made to me and since the Seer who made it has no recollection whatsoever of the event, I remained the sole witness of the fact. Given that Voldemort knows for sure it won't be easy for him to get to me, we will have to concentrate on protecting the record stored at the Ministry."

"But where exactly is it?" Tonks asked. "We're not talking about a cottage here. The place is huge!"

Snape looked disgruntled again and it seemed as if he were about to tell Tonks to raise her hand before speaking or to call him _sir_. Instinctively she crouched a bit in her seat and remained quiet. At her side she heard a very soft chuckle and turned her head to see Lupin smiling at her kindly.

"I daresay," Snape spoke slowly, "the prophecies are kept in a well hidden place, not in the regular offices."

"The Department of Mysteries," said Arthur Weasley suddenly.

"Exactly," agreed Dumbledore.

"What is in the Department of Mysteries? Some kind of archive?" asked Hestia Jones.

"No one knows," said Mad-Eye.

"The people who work there are called Unspeakables," said Kingsley in his deep voice. "Nobody knows what they do or how are the premises down there. It may be an archive, a laboratory, a workshop, or maybe just regular offices."

"We will have to find out more," said Dumbledore, who according to Tonks, managed to sound commanding even if he was speaking in his usual kind voice. "It will be Arthur, Kingsley and Tonks' task to do some research on the place where the prophecies might be hidden. Now, on the matter of the protection of Harry Potter-"

"Excuse me, Dumbledore," Snape interrupted, "but I take my presence here is no longer necessary."

Dumbledore looked at him for an instant and then he nodded. Moody gave another audible snort.

"You may go if you wish to do so, Severus. Please remember that our next meeting will be next Saturday evening."

"I will," and without as much as a good-by he went up the stairs and out of the house.

Tonks looked around again. The wizards and witches around the table seemed taken aback by the sudden departure of Severus Snape. Sirius' gaze was fixed on the kitchen door and Remus Lupin was looking at him intently.

"On the matter of the protection of Harry Potter," Dumbledore repeated his voice a bit louder than usual. The room went back to normal at once, "Sirius will be in charge of establishing shifts for the watch of number 4 Privet Drive…"

Sirius was now looking disgruntled; he gave a nod to the Headmaster and made a point on looking at his fingernails for the rest of the latter's speech. Tonks remembered what had been said on the previous meeting, about Harry being absolutely safe of Death Eaters attacks while being at his relatives, but that the risk was for the Ministry to try and discredit him.

At that occasion there had been a small argument between Sirius and Molly Weasley. Both of them were of the opinion that Harry would be better off at their own houses. The discussion had ended abruptly when Dumbledore established, with no room for discussion, that Harry was to stay at his relatives. That did not explained Sirius expression of hate at the sight of Snape though.


	46. Tonks did not feel like Apparating

Dumbledore was the first one outside number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He took from a pocket inside his robes a silver lighter and started clicking it. One by one the lights of the street lamps went off until the grim square outside Headquarters was totally dark. The rest of the members started getting out and Disapparating in small groups.

Tonks did not feel like Apparating back in her apartment just yet. After Snape's quick briefing on You-Know-Who's possible plans and very long speeches and discussions about possible Death Eaters' whereabouts she was feeling too many things at once. When she stepped outside after Dumbledore and Mad-Eye Disapparated, she was desperately needing some fresh air and time to process it all before going to bed. And now, besides Sirius, who had already closed the door with a very unpleasant grimace, Remus was the only one left; he made her a polite gesture as to indicate she should go first.

"I'll walk for a while," she said shaking her head at his gesture. She expected he would find this a bit strange but did not care and started jumping down the steps at the front door of number 12. "Wanna join me?"

She had not plan for it, the words had just came out of her mouth. Tonks turned around to look at him and his smile made her think it might not be a regrettable thing at all being accompanied home by Remus Lupin.

"I'd love to," he answered, climbing down the few steps to catch up with her.

They walked without speaking for a long time. At first Tonks was feeling at ease but then she started feeling uncomfortable, with the heavy thought that she should talk to him. Only, she was not sure of what to say. She did not want to sound stupid or intrusive; she had a couple of questions though, and who would be better than him to ask.

"Er… Remus?" Tonks called finally.

He seemed surprised at the sound of her voice; as if he had forgotten she had been there all along.

"Yes?"

"How was it like last time? I mean, the Order… How was it like?"

Remus looked at her intently.

"You don't have to worry this time."

"Huh?" _Worry?_ Of course there was a lot to worry about, but she failed to notice what it had to do with her question. "What do you mean?"

"If you're thinking about all the people that died last time, you have to understand it is different now. We're more prepared, we are beginning with a head start." Remus saw Tonks' puzzled expression. "That's not what your question was about?"

"Not really," she spoke slowly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"I just wanted to know," Tonks interrupted, "how was it? How did it feel? Because after the first meeting at the Burrow I felt so excited; as if I would be able to tackle down all the Death Eaters single handed." She chuckled sheepishly, Remus was grinning with a reminiscent air. "Then I talked to Moody… actually he cornered me; he wanted to be sure I was not too excited, so he made me realise what was at stake and, even though I could see that we were talking about something extremely serious and dangerous, I still didn't feel it. Right now though, after this meeting, it's sinking in. When I heard Snape talking about… about _him_, I suddenly realised it wasn't only fighting an anonymous evil… I don't know how to explain it… You're probably thinking I'm a prize idiot," she finished with another soft chuckle, trying to dismiss the graveness of her own words.

"No," Remus answered slowly. "You make me think about myself actually, when I joined the first Order. Of course, I was younger then than you are now and I didn't have any combat training at all, nor your experience-"

"I don't have that much expercience," she hastily said. He just smiled kindly.

"Nonetheless," he continued, "at the beginning it all seemed so exciting. Sirius and I were remembering some of it just before the meeting today. Back then we weren't really organised, there was a lot of improvisation, we didn't had aims other than destroy Voldemort, but there was so much enthusiasm. That is, until we started losing people," he finished with barely audible voice.

Tonks looked at his gloomy expression.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I shouldn't have mentioned it."

He smiled at her again.

"It's alright. I was just thinking I really enjoyed it in a way. There was something very special in that group. Now, on the other hand, we are taking things more seriously, Dumbledore specially. I don't know what he's after but I'm sure there is a plan now, something bigger that wasn't there last time. I am sure he didn't waste all these years, as many did, hoping Voldemort was gone for good. Dumbledore knew he would be back and he's probably more prepared than what it seems like."

His voice had a ring of optimism despite the graveness of the subject.

"And now we have trained Aurors in our ranks, other than Moody." He ended with a cheerful tone jerking his head in her direction. Tonks returned the grin a bit distracted.

There was silence following Lupin's words. She knew they were both pondering on what he had just said.

"I'm worried about Sirius," he spoke suddenly. "He has been in a really bad mood lately, since he has been forced to stay in Headquarters. And now, seeing how everyone else, especially Snape, is out there actually doing something for the order… I guess it just depresses him."

"I can see that." Tonks thought about her cousin's expression when the potion Master entered the kitchen of Grimmauld place. There was of course the weary look every Azkaban prisoner had, but there was also something else. "He really hates Snape, doesn't he?"

Remus gave a soft laugh.

"That's an old story. They hate each other since the first day at Hogwarts and the fact that both had tried very hard to make the other's life impossible didn't do much to improve the situation."

"They went to school together?" that was really hard to believe.

"We all did, yes. Sirius, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and I were in Gryffindor whereas Snape was a Slytherin."

"He's your age? But… but Snape looks so old!" Tonks blurted without thinking.

"Don't we all?" Remus asked; amusement in his voice.

"No, not at all!" She shook her head energetically and, after a moment, she added quickly. "He still gives me the creeps."

"Sorry?"

"Snape. Tonight he made me feel like I was still at Hogwarts and no matter how much I kept saying to myself that I'm a grown up witch now, that I passed Auror training, I felt like I should have raised my hand before speaking."

Remus laughed softly.

"I _am_ being silly, right?" Tonks asked at him, both embarrassed and happy to hear his quiet chuckles. She thought he should laugh more frequently, it was a wonderful sound.

"Maybe a little bit," he answered.

"I'm sorry about Sirius," she said after a moment. "He just went from Azkaban to his mother's house… I bet that was the very place he wouldn't have wanted to go back to."

"Indeed, and on top of that I don't know how much did he thought about the past while being on the run but now, with all that free time and nothing to do, I guess he's thinking about it too much. There is a lot of regret and anger in Sirius and it isn't doing him any good."

"Perhaps I could come over from time to time, to keep him company…" Tonks hesitated, "like I did yesterday… I know he has you but…"

Remus smiled at her. "I'm sure he would appreciate it. I hope it doesn't depress you, though."

"Nah! It won't. I won't pretend Headquarters is a cheerful place, but it's not that bad, I suppose, once you get used to it."

They stayed silent for a while. After a moment she spoke again, trying to keep the conversation light.

"When I was little Sirius used to come over; he and my mum got along very well and he also liked my dad. He was my favourite cousin, you know? I was forever asking him to take me for a ride in his motorcycle." She gave a soft laugh at the memories. "Then he stopped coming. I still remember my mother crying and my father trying to comfort her. But I don't know why, nosey as I am, I didn't want to find out more… until third year at Hogwarts."

"What happened then?" Remus sounded really interested in her story and Tonks wondered vaguely why was she telling him all that. But now that she had started, it was hard to stop.

"I found out the hard way when a Slytherin girl I didn't get along with hinted something that made me run through old editions of the Prophet."

"By yourself?"

"Yup. There was nobody there I could have asked," she hesitated a little; there was something about this man that made her feel she could trust him. Wouldn't he think she was stupid? Somehow she doubted it. Finally Tonks made up her mind.

"Can I show you something?"

He looked at her, with a hint of a puzzled expression in his eyes.

"Of course."

She rummaged in the back pocket of her jeans and produced her wallet. Stepping under a street lamp, she glanced at his face. He was still looking curious but also calm and suddenly she was certain that _he_ would understand. With a deep breath, she opened the wallet and took out the old photograph she had taken off the library's newspaper. Giving it a look, even though she knew by heart how did everybody looked in there, she handed it to Remus who took it without a word.

His expression changed instantly. Obviously he had recognised the people in the moving photograph.

"I stole that from one old edition of the Prophet at Hogwarts," she explained. "That day I decided I was going to fight them all and I've been carrying that around ever since."

She looked at him with defiance in her eyes. _Now, tell me I'm stupid and I'm cursing you into next month!_

"You've started fighting before the fray even started," he said in a barely audible whisper. There was some emotion in his voice Tonks couldn't name.

"You could say so," she replied with a shrug.

He gave the photograph back and she folded it carefully to put it back in her wallet.

"It is a long fight," he said, smiling at her.

"Maybe. But that's me, stubborn and sticking to what I believe. And I'm fighting them with all I have; I'll fight those Blacks and every other Death Eater there might be."

Remus was looking at her appreciatively with piercing brown eyes. She stared back but it was making her feel self conscious so she resumed her walking. He followed her example.

"Does your mother know now that he's innocent?" he spoke again, "Sirius, I mean."

"She does, I told her as soon as I found out. It was a shock at first, knowing that…" Tonks make an effort to say the word, "… that V-Vol-Voldemort was back, but now she's happy to know that Sirius was innocent all along. She wants to see him actually, but I told her that was out of the question."

They continued their way in silence. Tonks suddenly became aware that he might just be playing the part of the gentleman, walking along with her when he would prefer just Apparating.

"You know, Remus, you don't have to keep me company if you need to go. I'll be fine."

He looked at her for a moment.

"Actually I was thinking I'm really enjoying the walk. And the company," he added as an afterthought.

"Me too," she said promptly, smiling widely.

"Can I ask you something?" he said after a while.

"'Course"

Remus looked at her intently for a moment.

"Would you have become an Auror if it wasn't for your family?"

Tonks remained silent and it seemed that the question was floating between them. She hadn't thought about it for a long time.

"I guess… I guess that I would. And I could give you the easy answer and just say I would like the whole idea of it, you know? Being an Auror, the glamour of the badge," she finished with a smirk.

"Is there a non-easy answer?" Remus asked softly. Then he added, "Forgive me, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, it's not that. I don't mind telling you." She could feel he was still looking at her but it didn't make her feel uncomfortable, just a bit warm. "When… V-Voldemort disappeared we never thought he was gone for good. I grew up expecting him to come back and I knew I had to be prepared. I wouldn't sit and wait while people are getting attacked because they don't agree with some lunatic's twisted ideas. My father is Muggleborn, you see. I know we were very lucky nothing happened to him last time; I would have wanted to be ready to protect the ones I love if it would be needed again."

And again there was that note of defiance in her voice, as if she was challenging Remus to contradict her. He did nothing of the sort but continued walking. Tonks realised they were getting closer to her place; she had been so lost in the conversation she had not been paying attention to the road.

"You say the name… Voldemort's name." said Remus finally; it was not a question.

"You say it too."

Both grinned at each other

"As a matter of fact," added Tonks, feeling she was blushing, "I say it _because_ you say it."

She was not going to share the rest of her thoughts though. She was not going to admit, even to herself, that she did not want Remus to think she was silly or girly. She wanted him to take her seriously.

They were in front of her door now.

"I'm sorry I made you walk all the way," Tonks said, "I didn't realise-"

"As I said," he interrupted her, "I really enjoyed walking with you, Tonks, and talking to you too."

And then, without planning it, she drew nearer and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"G'night, Remus!" she called, taking a glimpse at him before closing the door. Remus looked a bit confused, but he was beaming.

* * *

**A/N: I must say, I am very fond of this chapter and I'm afraid there might be many grammar mistakes... I wrote this long ago as a one-shot and then I decided to incorporate it to Tonks' Tale when I started writing it. **

**Having said that, thank you very much to those who took some time to leave a review for the last chaps: edwardfiend, shadowfornothing14, felixlee14, moondolphin96, a little Wicked, Lauraw18, highlyunlikelywriter, AmiNoMatterHowPerfect, Kenzi Ivashkov, kissdoogie and MoreThingsInHeavenAndEarth. Thanks for not abandoning this Tale and for the much needed feedback!**

**Cheers!**


	47. Werewolf Regulation Office

_July 17th, 1995._

_DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES - BEAST DIVISSION_

_WEREWOLF REGULATION OFFICE_

_Name: Rudolf Mark Smithson_

_Alias: Ruddy_

_Human Aspect:_

_Height: 1.72 m_

_Eye colour: Grey_

_Distinctive features: Wears glasses_

_Beast Aspect:_

_Height: 1.32_

_Eye colour: Yellow_

_Fur colour: Dark grey_

_Distinctive features: Long scar from neck to right shoulder_

With a very heavy sigh Tonks ignored the rest of the report – that went on a couple of extra feet of parchment - and grabbed a second roll from the pile that occupied most of her desk and tried to flatten it so it could be filed.

_Charges:_

_Purposely approached the Muggle population of Ashburnham during the full moon – No reported casualties._

_Sentenced to serve 12 months in Azkaban._

With a wide yawn she put both pieces of parchment in the purple file she had open on her desk and stood up to stretch in the limited space of her cubicle.

Paperwork had been bad enough before. Now, trying to get it done while spending almost half of the nights doing guard duty for the Order of the Phoenix was making it almost difficult for her to stay awake while filing, re-filing and repairing pieces of parchment when they were too damaged to be read.

After she finished with the updating of the Criminal Records in the Auror Office she had been tasked with yet more paperwork. Now she had to contrast them with more piles of files from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Having a full trained Auror doing so much mechanical, tedious job was, in her opinion, an utter waste of resources.

As in many events of her life, some of the excitement she had felt on the first missions for the Order was now wearing off, being replaced by a brand new sense of purpose and responsibility. In opposition, all the time she spent buried between feet-high stacks of files seemed more than ever like a complete waste, even though she was now fully aware that part of that specific job was important for the Order's agenda, for she could spot possible Death Eaters through the reading of criminal records.

Fenrir Greyback, for instance, whose file she had read several days ago. Her report on his recent activities had leaded them to a trail it was worth investigating. Apparently there were habits _that _particular werewolf was not like to left behind… _the biting of small children, for example_, Tonks had added with a shudder when presenting her report on a late Wednesday evening at the kitchen of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, not long ago.

With another deep sigh she landed heavily on her chair, toppling over one small mountain of rolls of parchment on her desk. Cursing under her breath while drawing her wand, she pointed at the rolls now scattered on the floor.

"_Accio _reports!"

As they flew in her direction, she tried to rebuild the pile as carefully as she had done the first time. Then, a name caught her attention. She was clutching a fistful of rolls and there it was, quite visible on top of them all: _Remus J. Lupin_.

For a long moment Tonks stared at the thin traces, as if it were another language, one she could not understand but that rang a bell nonetheless.

_Remus? How many Remuses Lupin could there be?_

With slightly trembling hands she fidgeted with the seal of the parchment, trying to unroll it, and dropping the rest of them again. She did not care this time though. A small moving picture was clipped to the right side of the report. A face she knew too well was looking with a tired, almost sad expression; Remus Lupin's picture ran a hand through its graying hair in a gesture so familiar for Tonks she almost dropped the parchment again.

It was certainly him.

Putting the moving picture aside she started reading the report mechanically; she could feel her brain trying hard to take in the words, and miserably failing at it.

_DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES - BEAST DIVISSION_

_WEREWOLF REGULATION OFFICE_

_Name: Remus John Lupin_

_Alias: -_

_Human Aspect:_

_Height: 1.81 m_

_Eye colour: Brown_

_Distinctive features: -_

_Beast Aspect:_

_Height: 1.40_

_Eye colour: Yellow-orange_

_Fur colour: Brownish grey_

_Distinctive features: -_

This time Tonks did not skip a line; she read each and every word in the record.

Some of the facts she knew very well: that Lupin had taught Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts for a year, that he owned a tiny flat in London and that he had been identified as a member of the old Order of the Phoenix during the First War. In fact, his had been one of the names she had read the first time she had done some research on the subject, after visiting Mood at Hogwarts' Hospital Wing.

There was a bunch of stuff Tonks did not know though. For instance, that he had been bitten when he was a very small child, at the age of five. She could not suppress the image of a smaller version of Remus, covered in blood, with an enormous beast towering over him, striking once and again.

The parchment seemed to call her attention, and she kept on reading.

The report stated that Remus had spent many years abroad after leaving school, that he had been part of a known pack of werewolves for a short time, just the year before occupying a teaching post at Hogwarts. The information on this made her blood froze; that pack had been lead by no other than Fenrir Greyback.

_So, when I was giving my report last week he knew what I was talking about?_

Something was starting to grow inside Tonks' chest. Some powerful emotion she could not yer put a name to.

It also said that he had been under suspicion at some point for being responsible of the deaths of the Potters, as an accomplice of Sirius Black. It did not came as a shock to her reading that Lupin was under suspicion for helping Sirius escape from Hogwarts the night the Dementors almost caught him. On that occasion he got out on what the report stated as "a mere technicality": it had been a full moon, so he had been in no state for helping convicted prisoners.

She paused, looking blankly at the closed door of her cubicle, and tried to picture Remus Lupin as a werewolf. Two very contrasting images came to her mind: that of him walking beside her on the not so rare occasions he had accompanied her home after a late meeting, and that of a big fury beast jumping to attack her. It was almost impossible to relate her calm, intelligent fellow member with that horrible night during Auror training.

An image came to her mind; just earlier that day they had been together. She remembered, her trying to find his invisible shape in front of her, feeling his fingers close around hers while giving her a cup of hot coffee. She could even remember what he had told her and the way they had laughed together.

And yet…

Remus Lupin. _Remus Lupin_ a werewolf.

And he had not said a thing. Not to her anyways.

There was not a trace of the initial shock Tonks felt when she started reading the file. Now she knew what sort of emotion she was feeling. Something big, overwhelming. An almost familiar calm fury was taking over her.

She had spent so much time with him… with _it_. They had talked and walked and shared so many experiences and he never…

_He had been inside Headquarters. A Dark Creature! He could have betray us… he might as well have! What if he is still in league with Greyback? What if he had already reported to him? What if he had told his… his boss… alpha… whatever… that we are after them? What if they plan a full attack on us?_

She buried her head in her palms, trying to decide what to do.

_I should tell Dumbledore! But then… he hardly misses things… and something like this is almost impossible to hide. Not if you're working at Hogwarts and you're forced to skip classes once a month!_

Tonks almost gasped out loud.

_Dumbledore must know! But… if he does, why has he let a werewolf be part of the Order?_

The only answer that came to her is that he did not know. But that was impossible, the file was there, not for everybody to see, but she was sure that Dumbledore was resourceful enough to find out this kind of things. And besides of the teaching possition, how could Lupin attend Hogwarts when he was a child without everybody noticing? The Headmaster surely must have known all along!

_Somebody who trusts a known criminal as Mundungus Fletcher, or somebody as creepy as Severus Snape, can as well trust a Dark Creature! But surely nobody else knows or it would have been very different…_

And if she, Tonks, was the only one besides Dumbledore who knew that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, it was her duty to warn the rest of the members of the Order, to put them in guard.

However it did not feel right somehow; to go and tell everybody else what obviously Lupin had been keen enough to keep well hidden. It was somehow understandable… but also the most irresponsible thing to do.

When had it been the last full moon? She did not remember. Had Remus been absent from Order meetings?

_On some occasions, yes, because he had guard duty, didn't he?_

_But during a full moon, what if…?_

The thought was too horrible for her to fully grasp it.

On top of it all, now Tonks felt there was yet another task to add to her already full schedule. Since, apparently, she was the only one who knew, she would have to do something about Lupin being a werewolf.

_What?_

What indeed? That part was not that clear. Not even close.

She could not picture herself entering Headquarters and telling everybody one by one that the calm man that used to sit next to her… _used to, because there is NO WAY I'm sitting next to him again!_ … was in fact a Dark Creature.

She could talk to Sirius. She could ask him for advice. But then… they were friends. Maybe Sirius knew… no, he couldn't. Either way, what good could it be to anybody to tell him?

_Maybe he knows, maybe the two of them are together in this!_

And Remus... all this time sitting among them, as if... as if he was normal! As if there was nothing to hide! As if nobody would realise! Walking her home, talking friendly, pretending he was one of them, trying to be her friend!

Tonks gave an involuntary shudder at the memories. It had been a close call indeed and she would get away from him, for sure. But that did not resolve the threat he was posing to the rest of the members of the Order.

_What the hell am I gonna do?_

* * *

**AN: I've been trying to improve this chapter and the next (who had been merged with this one because it was absurdly short). I think it's better now.**

**Cheers!**


	48. The uneasiness she was feeling

_June 18th, 1995._

She would have said she was used to enter the dusty corridor of number 12 Grimmauld Place by now, after many days of doing so. And as a matter of fact she was, because the uneasiness she was feeling was actually not related to the place at all, but to what could be inside. To a particular occupant, to be accurate.

Tonks wished she had had more time to figure out what she should do, now that she knew the truth about Remus Lupin. But these days something as the likes of free time was a rare treat. Submerged as she had been scanning over and over each word of his profile and doing an extraordinary amount of research on werewolves for the past two days, and afterwards lost in her own thoughts and fears, she had realized after a while she was late for the next Order meeting.

And now, hastily walking the corridor, she could hear the muffled sound of voices coming from the kitchen. She did not want to be the last to get inside. Who was she kidding? She did not want to get inside at all!

But she had another mission now. She had to keep an eye on Lupin… while keeping her distance as well. How was she going to do that, she had no idea, but not missing the meeting seemed to be the first logical step.

With a deep breath that sent clouds of dust directly to her lungs, she opened the kitchen door, coughing loudly.

_So much for a stealth entrance_.

With a noncommittal hand wave she greeted the people inside. The meeting had not started yet, but the kitchen was packed.

And it was as if his gaze was some sort of magnet, her eyes automatically meet his.

He looked the same. And yet, he was not the same.

Actually, he never had been what she had thought, and worst of all, he had kept that very quiet.

And that is why she did not make any efforts to hide the frown the suddenly appeared on her features, as she entered the kitchen.

Her fellow members would say she looked tired.

Molly Weasley got next to her in an instant and started asking her if she was feeling all right.

_Am I being this obvious?_

The older woman even asked her if she was working too hard and suggested she could switch turns with some other member of the order…

"… Arthur, or Remus, perhaps? You really look tired, dear."

Trying to smile politely she just shook her head.

For how could she explain to Molly that it was not due to tiredness that she was frowning? It was fury, rage, and even fear… but there was no way Tonks could say that without revealing too much.

He was sitting at his usual spot, at one of the ends of the kitchen table. It had been _her _usual spot too. Now Tonks was realising she had indeed spent too much time with Remus Lupin. His inviting smile and the almost invisible gesture he made pointing the empty chair besides him were screaming of a familiarity she wanted all but forget.

However she could not help looking at him for an instant, trying to see the wolf in his tired features. She did not succeed and quickly looked away.

Walking fast and hitting her hip against the back of a chair, she reached the opposite side and sat next to Bill Weasley who smiled at her distractedly. The meeting was about to start.

Tonks kept quiet for most of it, thanking the fact that she could focus on her own thoughts, since she had nothing to report that night. _Nothing but the tiny little detail that one of us is a Dark Creature_, she thought bitterly, sending surreptitious looks in Remus' direction.

At one point, right when Emmeline Vance was in the middle of her dull report, their eyes met again. She looked away almost instantly. Not quickly enough though, and despite her own efforts on convincing herself that it has been just a trick of the flickering light from the fireplace, resentment had been visible in his brown eyes. From that moment she made an extra effort and did not look at him anymore.

Finally the meeting was over and she hurried outside, practically ducking Sirius, who would probably ask her to stay for a while, and avoiding everybody's eyes.

The humid air of the summer night hit her face and with a sigh she headed for the Apparition point on a nearby alley.

There would not be any more walks home in friendly chattering.

Just as well.

* * *

The next time she saw Remus, he did not approach her, nor did he try to make any friendly gesture.

Tonks honestly believed this was for the best and tried to act her usual self around everybody else but… but there was it, that very uncomfortable sensation she had every time the image of Remus' eyes came to her mind. And it was a very stubborn image, which kept coming and making her feel she had done something wrong. The only problem was that she could not place exactly what it was.

For several days she invented excuses to avoid staying at Grimmauld Place more than what was strictly necessary, but there was a lot to do and she was certain she would have to be near him, even to work with him sooner or later.

It was unusual for her to step aside. However the idea of her telling somebody what Lupin really was, was somehow unthinkable. The most she entertained the possibility, the more absurd it seemed. So she kept trusting that somebody else would realise what he was soon enough to do something about it.

Almost a week passed thus, and ignoring him was becoming easier with every passing day.

She took a sit near the kitchen table, the place was almost empty. Molly and Sirius were talking softly in a corner, but she did not join in. She had a report to finish and she could use the few free minutes she had before the meeting started.

The voices carried in her direction, though, and it was getting really difficult to ignore them.

Tonks was about to get up in order to find a quieter place, when a sentence made her froze, with her quill hovering over the parchment she was working on.

"It is indeed very sad, poor Remus," Molly had just said, with a trembling voice

_'Poor Remus'? What is she talking about?_

"I'm pretty sure he did not see her that often lately, but still. They've always been very attached to each other."

_Her?_

Tonks tried hard not to make a noise. Somehow the conversation had gotten all her attention and now she did not want to miss a word of it. She did not want them to realise she was eavesdropping either, though, so she pretended to keep on writing.

"I knew her," Sirius kept saying. "She was the kindest woman you could imagine. Always so supportive…"

_Who is that 'her' they were talking about? What is her relation with Lupin?_

Molly sniffed softly.

"At least he had his time with her in life," she murmured.

_Who on earth were they talking about?_

"Remus told me she had been sick for a while now, so her death was not entirely unexpected. And yet…"

"I know," Molly said, "no matter what, it's not easy to lose a mother."

_His mother? Remus' mother is dead?_

She did not even know his mother was still alive.

_Add that to the pile of stuff you didn't know about him,_ she thought grimly.

"That's because you haven't met my mother," Sirius replied with a hint of humour and Molly chuckled softly.

"But please, don't tell him a thing," he continued in a more stern tone. "You know how he is. He wouldn't like to be pitied."

"Of course," Molly said. "Not a word."

"Maybe a nice hug would do."

Tonks dared to look at them; Sirius was smiling with some sort of deep affection she had never seen in his cousin.

She rubbed her eyes. All of this was getting way too complicated.

Because, she realised, when the door of the kitchen opened a moment later and Remus Lupin entered, nobody deserved to look as sad as he did then. And his futile attempts to smile and to look as if nothing was wrong were even sadder.

Their gazes looked for an instant and Tonks, partly out of a new acquired custom, part because she did not know what else to do, looked away almost instantly.

But she did not feel proud. Nor strong. Not even purposeful.

She felt deeply sorry and… and yes… for reasons she did not know, she felt ashamed.

* * *

**AN: And here, the new version of this chapter. Remus' mum dying is a bit relevant to this tale, but it will be very important in 'Lupins' Tale'... when I reach to that point in Remus' life, which is going to take a while. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Cheers!**


	49. You realise you’re being en arse

"You realise you're being en arse, don't you?"

"Excuse me?" Tonks' answer was too fast, too ready. She had been dreading somebody would notice, and maybe even confront her and she had not been mistaken when supposing Sirius might be the first one. However, she was not going to give up that easily. Pretending to continue reading the report on the table in front of her she tried to sound nonchalant. "What are you talking about?"

From Sirius' side of the table came a loud _thud._ Tonks raised her head; he hadput his mug on the table violently and now he was glaring at her.

"I'm talking about you, being a complete arse with Remus. I want to know why."

There was not a trace of her funny, impatient cousin in the calm anger irradiating from Sirius. From across the table, he was looking daggers at her. Tonks had never thought it possible, after getting to know him, but now she was scared.

"I am not being an arse; I'm just… keeping my distance," she replied.

"And why would you do such a thing, seeing that you two were getting along very well?"

"That's none of your business," she murmured, trying to hide a hint of insecurity in her voice.

"It is my bloody business if somebody is being a prat to a very nice person for no reason, especially since that person happens to be my friend. And more so if he is noticing it and being affected by your stupid behaviour!"

Sirius crossed his arms and kept glaring at Tonks. She was at a loss of what to say.

_Didn't he know? He surely doesn't, otherwise he would understand… or maybe not…_

"Let's just say," she said slowly, "I don't think he's such a nice person."

"Oh really?" Sirius asked arching an eyebrow, sarcasm filling every word. "And why does the Auror think so?"

_Maybe he didn't know. Maybe Remus hadn't told him, and then… _

If Sirius was not aware of Remus' lycanthropy, she was not going to be the one filling in the blanks. Remus Lupin was indeed a Dark Creature but she was not going to reveal what he… it… really was.

"I have my reasons."

"I have my reasons." Sirius replied mocking her, anger still edged in his expression.

Tonks decided to ignore him and continued reading her report, even though it was now impossible for her to understand any of it. She could sense Sirius' glare still on her and it was making her feel extremely uncomfortable. She was certain she would not be able to take it any longer, so she started considering taking the report home and finishing it there. There was no point on staying in Grimmauld with such an angry Sirius.

Suddenly he spoke again.

"I do hope this has nothing to do with that full moon problem of his."

Tonks raised her head so quickly her bones cracked. Sirius was looking at her fixedly, with an intensity that went beyond anger.

"What are you…? How did you…? Do you know…?" she managed to whisper.

"Of course I know! I've shared a dorm with the bloke for seven years, haven't I?"

Now it was her turn to get angry. All this time, all those Order meetings, all that information being passed in front of the Dark Creature, and Sirius knowing the whole time what he was, what they were risking, the dangers they could all face every time they let Remus Lupin among them.

"You've known all along," Tonks' voice was very steady now, low and full of fury. "You've known what he is, the risk he poses to us, to every member of the Order, to the missions…"

"Shut your face! He's no threat to anybody but to himself once a month!" Sirius rose from the chair and Tonks did the same; knocking hers over in the process and making it collide loudly with the stone floor.

"He's a bloody werewolf, for Merlin's sake!" she said, clutching he wand at the ready, trying to decide if she should draw it or not.

"I know he is!"

"And you kept that quiet? You've known all along that he is a threat, a menace, a… a… a Dark Creature and you haven't told us a thing?"

"Why would I, if that would mean hearing this kind of crap from narrow-minded idiots like yourself!"

"Don't you call me a… don't call me that!" Tonks anger was now beyond words, she was almost stuttering.

"Oh! Would you prefer arrogant prejudiced elitist?" Sirius was not yelling anymore; it was difficult to decide what kind of emotion was ringing in his words now.

Both remained silent for a while.

She had trusted him, both of them, she had been tricked to believe the cousin from her childhood was back, she had being convinced to trust another man, someone who seemed to be kind, witty and gentle, and who was in fact…

"Did you really think, even for an instant, that you were the only one knowing he's a werewolf?" Sirius continued with contempt in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. Merlin! And I thought you Aurors were supposed to be smart. Here is a tip off for you, girl. Everybody knows. We have all known about his lycanthropy all along!"

Sirius resumed his sit with a deep sigh and Tonks loosed the grip on her wand, she was flabbergasted. And yet, it all made sense: Kingsley was in charge of Sirius' case, it would be the least he could do to make some research on his acquaintances, especially considering that Remus had been there the night Sirius escaped; and Moody… well, it would be no surprise at all if he knew; and, of course Dumbledore… Right now it was not only the matter of her relationship with Remus, but also the fact that, from a bunch of people, she was actually the one that had been missing a very important piece of information all along.

_Moody, you'd be proud of me. So much for 'constant vigilance'._

After a moment, she approached the report she was working on and start rolling the pieces of parchment. She was going home.

"I thought you were different," her cousin finally said.

Tonks looked at him confused; he didn't look angry anymore, just… sad, and disappointed.

"There is nothing prejudiced concerning what I think about Lupin," Tonks whispered unconvincingly, looking at the parchment again.

"Really? Then, what do you know about him that makes you behave like this?"

"I know he's a werewolf."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

Tonks dropped the parchment on the table and sat in front of Sirius sighing with annoyance. Even though she really wanted to go home, she realised now he would not leave her alone until he got some answers, and she did not doubt he would go to any length to get them.

"How long have you been in Azkaban?" she asked rhetorically, as if she were peaking to a particularly dumb kid, "what's the matter with all of you? Werewolves are Dark Creatures, they are dangerous, they can't be trusted, they…" the image of a small boy came to her mind. A small boy, covered with blood emanating from several wounds. A boy that was now dead. "They hurt, and kill, and contaminate innocent children. They are foul creatures, Sirius." Her voice was now positively quivering.

"And why, if they are as bad as you say and if you were convinced nobody else knew, didn't you report the Order that Remus is a werewolf when you found out?"

There was a moment of silence.

"I…"

Tonks looked at Sirius for a long moment. Certainly, she had not reported him.

_Why though?_


	50. She had passed the same bench

She had passed the same bench covered with red graffiti for about the 9th time and, despite the terrible heat of the dying afternoon, it felt as if she had not being walking around the deserted square for almost an hour now. Except for the sky, rapidly going from clear blue to crimson and now to deep blue, it could have been not time at all, not even a second Tonks had spent circling that particular place. But she had indeed been pacing… and thinking… That, of course, if the mess of ideas and the flow of memories dancing in chaos inside her head could be considered as "thinking".

At first all their thoughts had been self recriminating. She had been quite obnoxious indeed, thinking she was the only one knowing about Remus Lupin's monthly problem. She could feel her face burn thinking about Sirius reaction… luckily it has been only in front of him that she had made such a fool of herself…

Now, however, many laps later, her thoughts were circling a very different path. It was not about her knowing something she believed nobody else knew and finding out how mistaken she was; it was about the nature of that particular piece of information,

_He is a werewolf._

_He is supposed to be dangerous only to himself._

_Dumbledore knew... everybody knew!_

_He is a Dark Creature._

And there was that especially heavy question, the one that had acted like a trigger, making her leave Number 12 Grimmauld Place and all her work behind and, almost automatically, go for a long walk: Why.

_If I was convinced I was the only one who knew something this important, why haven't I revealed what Remus is to the other members of the Order?_

And even though the answer was glowing inside Tonks' head, she was doing her very best to try to ignore it.

_Because you feel attracted to him._

There was no way she was going to admit _that_, she thought the 10th time she passed the vandalised bench. Not even to herself, not under any circumstance.

"Because it isn't even true", she whispered angrily to herself.

So, if _that_ was not the reason for her not turning Remus in – because it honestly could not be – then… why? And what was she going to do now?

She could not just go to the Order meetings pretending her last conversation with Sirius had not occurred, not only because she was sure he would make her recall it on any possible opportunity, but mostly because she had now learned a few things about Remus' position inside the Order, she could not ignore in the future.

_Maybe Moody was right and this is too much for me_, she thought, sitting on the nearest bench and sighing loudly.

There actually were many things going on, a lot had happened since she joined the Order and yet… after talking to Sirius… _being almost attacked by him, really…_ she had felt as silly and inexperienced as the first night at the Burrow. The only difference had been that on this particular situation there had been no excitement at all, just an overwhelming feeling of insecurity and stupidity.

On that previous occasion she had been so quick and sure when stunning Sirius and disarming Remus, and after, when Moody had explained the situation, she had felt – even though she was not keen to admit that either – really stupid and humiliated.

And on that previous occasion it he had been there, Remus, looking at her, half cautious and half amused. She remembered the exact shade of his brown eyes dimly illuminated by the light coming from inside the Burrow, and the way they twinkled when she gave him his wand back, as if he were fighting an urge to laugh.

Tonks realised she was smiling at the memory and tried to force herself to her previous train of thoughts, the one in which Lupin was just another dangerous Dark Creature. But this time she could not. Her brain stubbornly refused to go to that safe path and, for some incomprehensible but very irritating reason, Remus' eyes kept coming to her mind.

And then there were not just his eyes, but also his smile, his elegant hands when drawing his wand, his voice…

She looked at the velvety blue sky and sighed again.

_What if…?_

"What if…? Ok, let's pretend for a moment, for argument's sake… just a theory… that I do feel attracted to him… to the man…"

_But he is not a man, he is a werewolf!_

_Not all the time._

_But he is one, all the same!_

_But what if I _do_ fancy him? Let's say… 27 days out of 28?_

_That's stupid…__ Do you?_

_Do I?_

_Well… it's just a theory, right?_

_Then, what?_

"Then," Tonks whispered out loud, "that would explain at least my behaviour. 'Cause if I fancied him, I would not have turned him in. I would have wanted to protect him… but also…"

_But I would also be very hurt, because he didn't trusted me enough to tell me the truth about him._

Tonks dwelled on this thought for a while, a known feeling of indignation resurfacing inside her. She junpted to her feet again and resumed her furious pace.

_He should have told me! We were friends! We were __really good friends!_

"And what would you have done then?" a very nasty voice seemed to ask inside her head.

_Would I have understood him then?_

Tonks stopped again, and looking down at her boots, she took a deep breath. No, she would not have, there was no point trying to pretend she would have acted differently. She could now imagine the scene in which Remus would have told her that he was a werewolf; she could almost hear the concern in his voice, maybe even the shame. And what would have been her reaction?

She would have been horrified, just like she had been when finding out by herself. And she would not have been able to hide that from him. Not the grimace of disgust, nor the look of fear in her eyes.

And then, Remus would have been hurt. By her.

_That's why he didn__'t tell me._

And now…

_Now I'm rejecting him all the same, because he is a Dark Creature, maybe a very dangerous one._ She thought fiercely.

The problem was that last idea did not sound right at all. Remus, dangerous? The ever returning image of his eyes told her, yet again, what she had known all along.

_He is not dangerous, he is a good man. A man, not a Creature. Remus Lupin is a very good man, who just had bad luck once. Like many others, he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had being bitten by a werewolf. And now he is not only trying to live a normal life among wizards, but he is actually fighting to make a better life for others._

And even more.

"I do like him. A lot."


	51. Her knees were trembling

Her knees were trembling; she tried to dry her sweaty palms in her cloak. It really made no sense to be this nervous, no sense at all. And yet, she was.

After her realisation she had rushed back to number 12 Grimmauld Place, with a sudden urge to see Remus, not even stopping to think if he would be actually there, nor what would she tell him if he were.

Now, standing on the gloomy corridor, she was certain of two things: one, he was there – his cloak was hanging neat the door and she could practically feel him in the parlour, but this might just be her imagination – and two, she had never felt so nervous before. Not even during Auror examinations, not in front of Moody, never ever.

She had stumbled there in a hurry, taken over by the necessity of being near the man she had just admitted to herself she fancied, and now, just meters and a dusty corridor separating her from him, she had not a clue of what should she do next.

To move out of the hall was a priority. She could hear voices coming from the kitchen, the Weasleys, after all, were living at Headquarters for some weeks now; Tonks did not want to meet Sirius or anybody else just now. Not before seeing _him_.

_Damn you, Sirius!_ She thought angrily. _I was in control of the situation! Now you've made me think and, as a result, I am a bloody mess!_

Finally, taking a deep breath, she stepped inside the room.

Remus was there, sitting on a couch and reading. He was looking quite thin and tired at the yellowish light of the lamp beside him. Tonks realised now she had not properly looked at him, almost since she found out what he was. Had a full moon passed since? Hastily she tried to clear her head of that particular kind of thoughts: she did not want to picture the man sitting there as a hairy dangerous beast. Not now.

He raised his head slowly and looked at her, his expression blank.

"Hello, Remus," she murmured, wondering for an instant if the loud pumping of her heart was audible for him.

"Tonks," he said with a flat voice.

For a moment they remained silent.

"Do you need something from me?" he finally asked.

"Not really," she replied, looking around for something to do… or maybe for the courage she was currently lacking.

Taking his eyes off her, Lupin stood up and started walking towards the door.

"No," she cried without thinking.

"Pardon me?" he turned around slowly.

"Don't… don't go," she stuttered. "I mean, you don't have to… to leave on my account… I don't want to… disturb you… don't leave because of me."

_Now I'm making a complete fool of myself, _she thought desperately.

Remus did not say a word for a moment, an enormously large instant in which he just looked into her eyes. But for her immense relieve, even though he remained silent, he resumed his sit near the lamp and re-opened his book.

_Now what?_ She was at a loss of what to say now.

Grabbing the first book of a stack on a nearby table she sat on an armchair, wondering if she should ask his permission to stay. Deciding that Headquarters was meant to be for every member of the Order, therefore, she had as much right as him to stay in that particular room, and that asking him such a question would make the situation even more awkward than what it already was, she opened her book at a random page and stared at it, as if she was concentrating deeply on its contents.

What should she do now? She had to say something!

_For Merlin's sake! It's just Remus! The same Remus you ha__d no problem whatsoever talking to before!_

"So," she cleared her throat, "uhm… you alright?"

"Quite," he answered. "You?"

"Yeah! Lots to do, you know."

"Of course."

She could not think of anything else to say, so she kept staring at her book not taking a word of what was written.

Now she had done it! It would be horribly difficult or even impossible to be friends with him again, let alone… let alone making him fancy her.

_You better burry _that_ particular thought deep inside that stupid head of yours… or even better, forget you even had it!_

"I'd never guessed you would be interested in House Elf genealogy," he suddenly said.

"I… uhm… what?"

He was looking at the book on her lap and, pointing at the cover with his finger, he read aloud:

"_Servitude and blood, loyal House Elf breeds in history_"

Tonks could distinctively feel her cheeks burning red.

"Well… yes, I… have many interests," she mumbled, with all the dignity she could muster, flipping through the pages of the volume and without taking her eyes of it.

"I see."

Something in Remus' voice made her raise her head. Something almost imperceptible, a hint of… amusement?

And there it was the very spark in his bright brown eyes and the promise of a smile lingering at the corner of his mouth. For a fraction of a second Tonks could see in his gaze a tiny bit of the complicity she remembered.

"Yeah," she said encouraged, "always ready, constant vigilance, expect the unexpected, that sort of things."

"I see," he repeated.

She did not felt like pushing her luck any further, so without saying anything else she sat more comfortably and begun to read. If she had been stupid enough to grab a book on House Elves families, it was just fair for her to read it, as a punishment for being utterly stupid.

But she never had been one to just remain silent, and more so when she was feeling there was something else to be said… even though she was certain that she still had not muster the courage for an apology.

"Where is Sirius?" she asked, regretting it the moment the words had left her.

"Upstairs, I suppose," Remus said without emotion. "Do you want me to call for him?"

"No, no," Tonks hurried her answer. "I was just wondering… despite of the kids being around, it all seems so quiet."

_This, at least, is honest._

"It has been really quiet around here lately."

There was no sparkling in his eyes this time; he was talking about something else… and Tonks realised he was talking about them.

"I know," she said without looking away.

Remus looked back into his book and Tonks felt she was about to lose the one opportunity she would ever have.

"Sometimes…" she started, he looked up again, "sometimes a bit of quiet is needed… in order to clear things up. Thoughts, ideas…"

Her voice faded away but this time Remus did not resumed his reading, which encouraged her a bit more.

"I am not usually quiet, and I know that can be a mistake. But… but sometimes being quiet is the biggest mistake of them all."

He was now looking at her with such intensity; she felt he was scanning every centimetre of her. And then, very slowly, he smiled. It was the most reliving feeling and Tonks beamed back at him. Then she felt suddenly very self-conscious and looked back at the book at her lap.

"Oi!" Sirius' voice came from the threshold. "Glad you two are here. Emergency meeting, now!"


	52. Standing up so fast she got dizzy

Standing up so fast she got dizzy, Tonks hurried towards the kitchen, her first impulse being to kill Sirius for interrupting her moment with Remus. In the hall, though, she realised some other members of the Order had been summoned as well. Moody was limping towards the stone steps with a murderous expression and Kingsley was already climbing down; Tonks supposed they had just apparated outside Grimmauld Place.

Remus hurried forward and she followed him automatically, tripping with the troll leg umbrella stand, but managing to keep walking without making as much noise as to wake up Sirius' mum.

As she entered the dimly lit kitchen it suddenly sank in: something _had_ happened, something so important they had to call an emergency meeting for the first time since she was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. A very nasty chilly sensation seemed to be running up and down her spine as she wondered what could it be. Was somebody hurt? Did You-Know-Who come into the open at last?

The room was not as full as it usually was during an Order meeting but it seemed crowded nonetheless. Molly Weasley, wearing a night gown, was offering tea and coffee, Sirius was tying a small piece of parchment to an owl's leg and talking to Arthur in urgent whispers. Mad-Eye and Kingsley took sits and each of them grabbed a steaming mug from the group Molly was putting on the table.

The Weasley kids and Hermione had been apparently having dinner not long ago, for they were helping to clean the table of empty plates and glasses in a very uncharacteristically subdued mood. Everything seemed to be happening in an odd slow motion and Tonks barely realised the kids' greetings. She couldn't help but noticing they all looked worried.

Remus sat at the table and she made a point on sitting at his side. Maybe something big and important was happening, but she was not going to lose what she already had gain on that brief, awkward conversation with him just moments ago. However, if he noticed her presence, he did not show it.

The kitchen door flung open and Dumbledore entered, looking unusually disturbed and so angry Tonks couldn't help but thinking he was scary. What was going on? The quiet chattering died out immediately and everybody looked at the older wizard.

"I will have to ask you to leave." He said looking at the four youngest Weasleys and at Hermione. There was a ring in his voice Tonks hardly recognised, coming from her former Headmaster. Fury.

The kids seemed to have notice it too for they silently laid down whatever they were holding and even Fred and George left the room obediently, without so much as a grin.

"Well," Dumbledore sighed, as soon as the door closed behind Ginny. He waved his wand casually at it and Tonks knew he had just unperturbed it. "The matter has been taken care of, for now."

"What happened?" grunted Moody.

"Harry Potter has been attacked by Dementors," answered Dumbledore, cold fury still audible in his every word.

"What?" Mad-Eye and Remus said together. Tonks looked at the latter, who was glancing at Sirius as if looking for a confirmation of this statement. Her cousin gave a tiny nod.

"How?" Kingsley's deep voice asked.

"Is he alright?" Remus asked at the same time.

"We don't know how," said Arthur Weasley wearily.

"He is fine," Sirius said. "He managed to conjure a Patronus and drew the Dementors away."

He looked appreciatively a Remus for one long moment. Tonks realised there was a sudden spark on the eyes of the man next to her, he seemed… proud. She decided she would ask about that later. Right now she had some more pressing questions she wanted answers for.

"The kid is supposed to be protected, it is impossible to find his relatives' house. There is no way a couple of Dementors just happened to be near Harry Potter, it's too much of a coincidence." She heard herself say. Apparently, after many days of behaving like a prize idiot, her brain was finally working again. "Besides," she added, looking directly at Dumbledore, "wasn't someone of the Order on guard duty there? Weren't we doing all our best to prevent something like this happening?"

She couldn't keep the tone of accusation of her voice. Now that she knew no-one had been hurt, there was anger boiling inside her.

Dumbledore opened his mouth but before he could speak Moody growled.

"Was Mundungus' turn, right? That excuse of a wizard left his post!"

"He did," the Headmaster answered, and alongside his anger there was something else now. Disappointment.

"He abandoned his post?" Molly almost screamed in outrage. "How could he? He is an absolute-"

"I'm sorry, Molly, but that is irrelevant right now," Kingsley interrupted before she could start on a full roll of what she actually thought of Mundungus Fletcher. "The most pressing question is what are we going to do?"

"I assume the Ministry knows what happened," Remus said.

"'Course they do," Moody snapped at him. "Potter's underage, isn't he? He's still got the trace on him!"

"The Ministry knows about him performing magic and in front of a Muggle," Dumbledore said. "His cousin was with him when the Dementors appeared. Firstly they wanted to take away Harry's wand and expel him from Hogwarts. However, I've managed to hastily convince Mafalda Hopkirk to cancel that order and Harry will have to attend a disciplinary hearing on August the 12th instead."

"A hearing?" Molly spoke again.

"We will have to prove it was a life threatening situation in order to get the Ministry to drop the charges."

"Will they?" Tonks asked dubiously. She knew far to much about the ongoings inside the Ministry to be reassured by that.

"I am confident they will." Dumbledore said looking directly at her. She couldn't help but feeling both her concern and anger lighten a bit.

"Tonks had a point, though." Remus said, looking appreciatively at her. "It is impossible that two Dementors just happened to be in Little Whinging and furthermore crossed Harry's path."

"Oh, I am quite sure that is no coincidence. They were sent," Dumbledore said calmly.

"Are they no longer in control of the Ministry?" asked Molly, with a hint of panic in her voice.

"Not as far as we know," said his husband, trying to sound reassuring.

"Then they were sent by someone from inside the Ministry for the looks of it," said Mad-Eye. "They're taking seriously his discrediting campaign."

"You might be right, Alastor," the headmaster agreed. As every time Moody's real name was mentioned, Tonks had to think for a fraction of a second who was Dumbledore talking to. "But I don't think we will be able to prove it just yet."

"What about Harry?" Sirius asked suddenly. "We have to take him out of Little Whinging. It isn't safe anymore."

"I agree," Kingsley said. "I know we wanted to keep him from getting into Headquarters as long as possible, but tonight events just prove it is more difficult than we thought to keep an eye on him while he's at his relatives'."

"Yes…" said Dumbledore thoughtfully. "I wish there was another solution, though. We are all aware of the risks it poses to us to have him right in the middle of the Order."

"Maybe, but he's in danger!" Prompted Molly. Sirius opened his mouth and it was clear he was about to say something in the same lines but Dumbledore interrupted.

"I agree with that statement." He didn't seem totally convinced, but added nonetheless. "It has to be done carefully and with the least amount of magic possible. We cannot use the Floo Network or a Portkey for the Ministry might be expecting both. Apparition is out of the question as well."

"Is the Knight Bus traceable?" Molly asked quietly.

"Not exactly, but we cannot trust on the driver's discretion," answered Arthur.

"Brooms," Tonks whispered, not sure if she was saying the stupidest thing, bit she had an urge to say it nonetheless.

"Brooms?" asked Remus looking at her again.

"Yeah," she looked back at him trying to focus on what she was about to say instead of his bright brown eyes fixed on her, while trying to morph away the red of her cheeks. "You can't trace a broomstick and you don't need to perform magic for it to work."

"Right you are, lass," Moody said with a crooked grin. "We'll flight Potter out of there. I take he's a good flyer?"

"As good as James was," Remus said and Sirius nodded proudly.

"Will do," grunted Mad- Eye.

"It is a very good idea, indeed." Dumbledore said, smiling at Tonks. She beamed at him.

"We'll have to lure Harry's relatives out of the house, though," she said, encourage by the approval of her idea. "I'll come up with something."

"Meanwhile we need to form a guard." Moody said slowly.

"A guard? What for?" Molly asked.

"We can't discard an attack from someone from the Ministry. Or Voldemort himself," Moody answered in a casual tone.

The Weasleys grasped and Sirius sat more rigidly.

"I'll go," Tonks said promptly.

"Me too," Remus added.

"I'll join too," Sirius grunted from his corner.

"That," Dumbledore said softly, but with an unquestionable tone of authority, "is out of discussion."

Sirius looked daggers at his former Headmaster, but remained silent nonetheless. Kingsley and Moody hastily signed up too and the latter said he would send Patronuses to other Order members who might want to join in.

It didn't take much longer for the meeting to end. There were a couple of details that needed to be reviewed. It was accorded that they would go to Privet Drive on the night of the 7th and they would be meeting at Headquarters before. Moody wanted to get as much members as possible to join the guard and with that last thought the gathering was dismissed. Molly was picking up the now empty mugs with a summoning charm and the other members were standing up slowly.

Tonks felt somewhat excited. She knew it was not right, but she could not help feeling a thrill when thinking she was actually taking part in something real, far more exciting than guard duty or paperwork. At her side Remus stood up to join Sirius and Dumbledore at the other said of the room; they were arguing in heated murmurs. She could tell what this was about. Sirius had kept unusually quiet the last part of the meeting and she could bet he had been trying to collect arguments in order to persuade Dumbledore. He was going to do whatever it was in his power to try to be part of Harry's guard.

Mad-Eye stood up and growled goodnight at no one in particular. He and Kingsley went out and Dumbledore, apparently having ended his argument with Sirius, left too.

Maybe it was time for her to leave too, before ruining her luck. It seemed to have been the longest day ever and, even though she wanted to talk to Remus again, she was so tired she dreaded she might say something wrong.

The last thing she saw, though, after saying "Good night" to the room at large and turning around to exit the kitchen, was Sirius' wink and Remus' smile.


	53. The last touches on Umbridge's moustache

Tonks finished the last touches on Umbridge's recently painted moustache and sighed loudly. With little care, she dropped the quill on the kitchen table; three fat drops of violet ink were now perfectly visible on the wooden surface. Instead of cleaning them up, she glared at them for a moment; then, she screwed up her eyes in concentration. She smiled smugly and pulling a spiky lock of her own hair she checked that it matched the colour of the ink on the table.

The slight excitement at this new look died away almost instantly, to be replaced by an uncomfortable weight on her stomach.

Looking at the page of that day's edition of the Daily Prophet, where a curled haired Cornelius Fudge and an unknown witch who now displayed a long pointy beard were making rude gestures at her, she sighed again.

"It's reassuring to see that our wonderful Aurors are using their time so wisely, trying to keep us all safe."

Sirius voice at her back made Tonks jump a little. She was edgy… maybe too edgy. And, of course, nervous. But she was not going to admit that.

"Sod off," she replied nonchalantly, taking the quill again and making a point of drawing a flowery pattern on Fudge's robes. The moving figure tried unsuccessfully to remove the thick violet lines off his clothes.

"You ready to go?" Sirius spoke again, sitting loudly at the table and grabbing another section of the newspaper.

"Ages ago. And, if I were you, I'd avoid reading those particular pages."

"More of the same rubbish?"

"Dumbledore's a nutcase; Harry's mental... Loads of it, poorly hidden on a story about somebody who spotted a dragon on a shopping mall in Wales."

Sirius made a noise between a small laugh and a grunt.

"Now I see why you think Fudge needs a new hairdo."

"And a dress," Tonks added dryly. "But this has nothing to do with the news. I'd run out of ink quickly if I'd draw moustaches on every note I don't like. "

"Then?"

"I'm just keeping myself busy 'till it's time to go."

"I have news for you then: It's time to go."

"Says who?"

"A very restless Moody, standing alone in the entrance hall."

"Bollocks!" Tonks stood up hastily, dropping the quill and splattering ink on Sirius' shirt. She looked at her watch and put it next to her ear as to check if it was working properly. "Its twenty minutes too early!"

"I kno-"

"Why does he always have to do this?" she mumbled, running to the back of the room and back with her broomstick on her shoulder and a handful of cords that were to be a harness for Harry Potter's trunk. "Later!" she yelled at Sirius without looking back.

"Good luck!" she heard him yelling back.

Moody was not alone in the hall. Remus, holding a very old but well kept broom was talking quietly with him.

"You're late", Moody grunted in her direction.

"I'm not," she answered mechanically.

Remus looked at her and smiled slightly. She would have felt encouraged by this small yet precious sign of friendship, but seeing both wizards so solemn took her mind away from everything else but the mission. It also increased her uneasiness. She refused to think on the possibility that something could go wrong, but the presence of Moody always forced her to consider each and every scenario, including the most depressing ones. Especially those.

Both men resumed their conversation. Although Remus had been designed to lead the mission, Moody would be in chart of chosing the route for going back to Headquarters. Tonks wasn't sure if this was a cleaver decision.

"Where is everybody else?" she asked, when Mad-Eye and Remus finally seemed to have finished their hushed conversation.

"Late," her old Master grunted again.

"Don't you have something else to say? It's onl-"

Tonks cheeky retort was interrupted mid-sentence. Kingsley, Hestia Jones and Emmeline Vance were entering Headquarters. It struck her as odd the way everybody looked like with their broomsticks on their shoulders; the last time she had seen them, they were giving the impression of being most serious, discussing tonight's mission. Now, they all resemble shabby Quidditch veterans. Actually, most of them were; even the shaky Dedalus Diggle, who was now climbing up the stairs of number 12 Grimmauld Place seemed far more confident than his usual self, holding his ancient Mistral XVII just as if he were about to go into the pitch.

Tonks had to rapidly interrupt a mental image of Dedalus, with the violet-coloured top hat he was wearing, sending a Bludger towards Emmeline; Moody hat gotten everybody's attention with a loud grunt. Suddenly the few funny aspects of the situation died away. It was not him who spoke, though, but Lupin.

"You all know your positions," he started with a soft, yet firm voice. "We will Apparate to the outskirts of Little Whinging. From there, we will flight to the house of Harry's relatives. We have arranged an alibi for any possible use of magic that could lead the Ministry to him: Mrs. Figg, as a squib, had informed the Ministry that she will have a visitor, a relative, performing magic at her house. So any eventual use of magic from our part could be passed as preformed by that person. We are counting with the fact that Harry's trace will detect magic preformed nearby, not the performer. However, charms and spells should be avoided when possible."

"We don't want the Ministry sticking their noses in our manoeuvre," Mood added unnecessarily.

"There is a second group, headed by Bill Weasley, waiting on post in case something happens to us… which is a very unlikely scenario," Remus added as an afterthought. "Let's go."

And without further ado, he exited headquarters, followed by the rest of the members of the Advanced Guard.

Tonks had never seen Remus taking full command on a mission… as a matter of fact, she had never seen him on a mission before. However, his sure manners and the calm authority that irradiated from him made her feel that it was just natural to trust him and to follow his lead.

It had been stated that the two Aurors of the group should be first and last, respectively, in this first part of the operation; Tonks had gotten the latter. After fetching the boy though, their positions would change depending on Moody's chosen route. Kingsley was already Dissaparating, followed by Emmeline and Dedalus; now it was Elphias and Hestia's turn; Moody and Sturgis followed suit. Finally there were only she and Remus in the alley.

He took better hold of his broomstick and drew his wand, and just when it seemed he was going to spin and Dissapparate, he looked right at Tonks' eyes.

"Be safe," he said with a small smile, before vanishing into nothingness.


	54. The calm of the hot summer night

The calm of the hot summer night was the first thing Tonks felt after Apparating at the outskirts of Little Whinging. They were standing on a small forest; at the distance, the lights of the houses in the town and the cars in the roads were clearly visible.

Without saying a word, Kingsley mounted his broom and the rest of the guard followed his example. Tonks felt a jolt in her stomach, and scanned the skies, searching for a sign of danger, for any threat of any kind. There was nothing; the clear, hot, summer night showed anything uncommon.

Trying to calm her nerves, she took her old Quidditch gloves from the back pocket of her jeans and tried to concentrate on the old ritual of putting them on, just like she used to do before a match.

_Nothing is going to happen. There's no rival team this time._

Her fellow Auror was already taking off and soaring into the air, followed by the rest.

Finally it was her turn. With a well practice kick on the ground, Tonks got her broomstick up.

Just like it had always happened when playing for her House at Hogwarts, the feeling of the wind surrounding her, the speed, and the sensation of freedom took over any other emotion she might have had. She was not nervous anymore, nor anxious… Tonks was back at her element again.

Looking around, it seemed that the other members of the order were feeling something of the sort. Dedalus was zigzagging between the tops of the tress and it seemed that Elphias and Sturgis were racing each other. Even Mad-Eye, despite his usual stiffness, displayed that particular grimace that Tonks knew was his smile.

They arrived far too quickly to the Dursleys backyard. She resented feeling her feet on the ground again and the chilly sense of gravity and risk that would come with it. Only, it did not quite come this time: the members of the Advance Guard were all too cheery after the flight, and excited about the perspective of meeting Harry Potter.

That was the main reason why everybody volunteered for this mission in the first place. Most of them had been wishing to meet the boy for many years... and Tonks had to admit to herself that she was one of them. What would The Boy Who Lived look like? In the previous Order meeting Remus and Sirius had described him a little, answering the many questions posed by their fellow members, but no one had seemed to remain satisfied with the vague references to the kid's resemblance to his parents. Now their curiosity would be satisfied.

Leaving their broomsticks on the backyard, they were all entering the kitchen of Number 4, Privet Drive. The house was really quiet and, for a moment, Tonks dreaded the Dursleys had taken Harry with them. With a shook of her head she dismissed that idea; she had seen him on the occasions she had had guard duty there and she was positive none of them would care about leaving the kid behind.

"I reckon he's upstairs," Remus whispered, pointing at the ceiling.

"Should I go an-?"

_Crash!_

Focusing on Remus' words and the taking in of the surroundings, she had failed to see a very ornate – and quite ugly – plate on a nearby table.

"Tonks!" both Kingsley and Mad-Eye hushed angrily.

"Couldn't you be careful for just once?" the first one added in exasperation.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled confused, feeling the heat on her cheeks. _Why does it have to be me the one ruining things? _Carefully she drew out her wand to repair the mess she had just produced.

"_Reparo!_" Remus' charm was quicker. Without saying a word he bent over to grab the newly repaired plate and placed it cautiously on the table.

"I'm really sorry-" Tonks whispered in his direction, with that almost familiar feeling of being a prize idiot that came over her a lot lately.

"Never mind," he said somehow coolly.

Tonks suppressed a sigh. Despite of her urgent need to be vigilant in her current circumstances she could not help but resent Remus harsh tone, vaguely she wondered if she would ever regain the companionship that had been forged between them.

There was no time to dwell on such thoughts though, for Moody, with a whispered _Alohomora_ had opened the door in Harry's room.

"Let's speed things up a bit, shall we?" he added.

His idea worked: some of the people around Tonks looked up and made small noises of glee. A heartbeat later a bespectacled skinny boy was looking down at them from the top of the stairs, his eyes wide opened in awareness and his wand drawn.

* * *

Many hours later, Tonks dropped her cloak on top of the several books lying on her couch. Walking through her flat she got rid of her boots with two angry kicks. One of them hit a side table and made a glass fall to the floor. With a tired groan and the images of Remus doing the same thing not long ago, Tonks repaired the scattered pieces with her wand and took the newly formed glass to the kitchen.

_Werewolf._

The word so casually dropped into the conversation seemed to still bounce against Tonks' skull hours later.

"And I'm not a very popular dinner guest with most of the community," Remus had said when they all were having dinner in the kitchen of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. "It's an occupational hazard of being a werewolf."

After the fetching of Harry it all had been going so well… the only exception perhaps had been her tripping with that wretched Troll umbrella stand that had woken up every portrait inside Headquarters. But even with that, it could have been a very peaceful, cheery evening. Until that word came up, so conversationally.

Nobody had reacted to Remus' statement. Nobody seemed to be as stupid as she had been the past few days.

_For Merlin's sake! Even the kids knew!_

She was getting tired of having to morph away the blush on her cheeks. She seemed to have found a lot of reasons to be ashamed of lately; or maybe just one very powerful reason.

And she was getting specially tired of taking the wrong decisions.

Without bothering to undress, she got into her bed and huged her knees.

How was she supposed to decide what to do, when every experience she was having was absolutely different to everything she had once known?

* * *

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	55. Tonks screwed up her face

Late August 1995

For almost the twentieth time in the last half an hour Tonks screwed up her face in front of the mirror. A tall woman with enormous dark eyes and waist long blond hair looked back. No, she was not yet satisfied with the result, but she was running late.

"Come off it!" she finally said, irritated, to the changing image in the mirror. "It's a mission, not a date!"

The whole objective of Tonks rearranging her features before every assignment was for her not to be recognised as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, in case they meet somebody that could identify her. She would usually settle with her old favourite average middle age woman, but today was not going to be a usual mission.

Sprinting through her flat she managed to find her other shoe and her cloak and hastily wearing both she finally Apparated outside Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

Trying to be extra careful, she entered the premises and walked through the dusty corridor without making a noise. From the top of the stairs leading to the kitchen, she could hear Remus and Sirius talking.

Of course Remus was ready and waiting for her. Was he always so prepared? Tonks felt somehow annoyed but this was not the time. This was an occasion to thank her almost inexistent luck: after weeks of waiting for this to happen, they were finally going on a mission together, alone. Tonks very much hoped this would be one of those useless tip offs, like the many she had had lately, in which the entire job would be just watch and wait. That could give her a chance to talk to him without some member of the Order buzzing around. She had not a clue of what would she say, but just the opportunity of spending time with Remus was good enough for her nowadays.

"- 'bout Tonks?"

Sirius saying her name took her off her reverie. With her hand on the handle she placed her ear on the wooden door trying to listen. Why were they talking about her?

The first words of Remus' reply were muffled but from her position outside the kitchen door she got the last bits.

"- just don't think this would do anybody any good."

"That's the problem with you, mate. You think too much," Sirius said.

"It's bound to be useful sometimes, you know."

"Not this time, no."

"Tonks? Is that you?" Molly's voice at her back made her jump.

Trying to behave casual, and hoping she would not realise her eavesdropping, she turned around smiling.

"Wotcher, Molly!"

The voices inside the kitchen, of course, had died off.

Trying to keep her smile on, Tonks opened the door. Both men looked at her in a would-be casual friendly gesture and greeted her.

_What was that about?_

She realised there would be no time for asking questions as Remus stood up hastily with a nonchalant: "Shall we?"

"Sure, let's go then."

Giving a last glance at Sirius, who just gave her an encouraging smile, and saying a quick "Later" she trailed after Remus. At her back Molly was saying something about pixies in one of the rooms in the top floor. Tonks could hear Sirius drawling voice, but she could not make out the words. She bet it was for the best.

Their orders had been quite vague, as they usually were. She and Remus were to Apparate at a swamp in the outskirts of a small industrial city and wait for two suspected Death Eaters to meet. The tip off this time had come from a conversation between Lucius Malfoy and a bloke named Runcorn, which had been overheard by Emmeline Vance. Being it all so imprecise, Tonks was positive that the most action they were likely to see would be their own attempts to avoid falling asleep.

She and Remus had Apparated at their post, they had made a short walk to secure the perimeter and had finally settled half hidden among some bushes, and he had not yet spoken a word. This was most uncommon. True, they were not still as chummy as they had been before the whole "he's-a-werewolf" situation, as Tonks called it to herself, but they had share a few conversations since and it all seemed to be going the right direction.

His silence this time was making her edgy.

Several minutes had passed and Tonks had had enough. Taking a glimpse at the man sitting next to her, with his wand drawn and a very serious expression, she decided she had to do something… a subtle question would do.

"Care to tell me what's going on?" she asked dryly.

_Nope, that didn't come out as subtle as planned._

"Excuse me?"

"Is there any reason why we are not talking? 'Cause I didn't read that on the job description."

Remus looked at her and shrugged.

"I'm concentrating on the mission."

"Oh," she mumbled, taking aback by his stiffness.

Maybe it would be impossible to be normal around Remus again after all. That perspective sunk her spirits and while she pretended to be on guard like him, her thoughts were dwelling on the various possibilities that her relationship with him could have brought if she had not been so stupid in the first place.

A slight change in Remus' position made her pay attention to their surroundings again. He was looking intently at a small road ahead of them, his wand at the ready.

Tonks mirrored him, but instead of focusing on the road she turned around quietly.

There was nothing. Then, what had put Remus so aware now?

It all came about so quickly she had not time to understand what was happening.

Two hooded figures ran towards them from different directions and a third one Apparated right beside them, aiming curses all over the place.

_For once the tip off was real_, was Tonks last thought before launching herself to fight back.

She had no time to cast a shield, so she started ducking the enemies' spells while trying to evaluate the situation. Remus was shooting curses back at them too, but she was being lead away from him. The attackers wanted to separate them in order to take over more easily.

A jet of purple light made her roll on the floor while shooting aimlessly in the direction she thought her attackers were. Regaining a standing position, Tonks could finally see them and aimed several _Stupefy_ at both figures. Finally she reached one objective and the person fell on the ground. The hood dropped, revealing a man Tonks recognised from one of the files she had been reading, but whose name she could not recall. He was a known ally of the Death Eaters from the first war.

_As if I needed any confirmation that these persons were bad news._

There was no time for further recognition though: the other man was drawing nearer. Remus, meanwhile, was duelling the third one with rapid shots from his wand. Tonks' attacker seemed to be clumsier at spell casting, but he was good at ducking hers and, with every second, he was getting dangerously closer.

And suddenly, without so much of a sign, he Dissapparated.

Tonks looked around confused, her wand at the ready. At some distance from her Remus was still fighting the other figure. She was about to sprint in his help when a loud _crack_ sounded right behind her.

She had no time to react.

A hand that felt more like a claw grasped her throat from behind and she could feel a tip of a wand on her neck.

"Now be nice and stay put," a rough voice said at her ear. The man smelled like rotten meat and sweat, and his long fingernails were cutting through Tonks' skin. She tried to move her right hand a bit, to point her wand in the man's direction.

"Drop it!" he said.

"Won't."

"Would hate to kill you just yet, drop that wand."

Quickly moving his hand from Tonks' throat to her wrist, he sank his nails in her skin. The pain of it made her loose grip of her wand.

The soft sound of the small wooden stick falling to the earth felt like a death sentence.

"That's much better," the man said, replacing his hand on her throat.

"Leave her, Greyback." Remus' calm voice came from behind them and made her startle. For a moment she had forgotten she was not alone.

The heavy arm surrounding her made her turn around. Remus was pointing his wand at her attacker in a casual way and looked calm, though Tonks could see that hatred was glowing in his eyes. The vision of him was both reassuring and scary, and she had no idea how would he take her off her present predicament.

"Lupin, well hello there," said the man in a mocking friendly voice. "Fancy meeting you here, of all places. You've decided to come back where you belong?"

"I said, leave her," though his voice was as calm as ever there was a new icy tone in it and Tonks could not help but shudder a little.

"No, I don't think I would just yet. You know how much I enjoy... flesh."

While saying that he stroked her cheek with the tip of his fingernail, breathing heavily at her ear. She felt a wave of repulsion and tried hard to free herself from the embrace.

"Oh, you're a fighter... a young fighter," Greyback added. "This should be interesting."

The grip on her throat was now making it hard for her to breathe but she did not care, there was a heap of things she was far more interested on, like the particular interest this man seemed to have on her companion, for an instance.

"It is not full moon yet, Fenrir," Remus said as if it was a warning.

"Oh, I'm aware of that, just as you are fully aware that that particular detail doesn't matter to me anymore. You see, girl," he whispered, his face on Tonks', "flesh is flesh, and I don't need to transform in order to enjoy it. And yours seems particularly tasty..."

"Don't count on that!"

With a furious poke on the man's stomach, she finally freed from his grip and bent over. And as if it had all been rehearsed before, Remus took the chance and shot a well aimed stunning spell at her captor.

Without so much as a second to cast a shield and defend himself, Fenrir Greyback fell down.


	56. She felt to her knees on the damp earth

Tonks felt to her knees on the damp earth and sighed heavily.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked softly, approaching her.

"Yeah, I'm-"

A loud _crack_ startled them. The man Remus had been fighting not long ago had Apparated beside the fallen Fenrir and, with another loud noise, he Dissapparated with him, too quickly for Tonks or Remus to do something to avoid it.

"Bollocks!" Tonks cried, standing up and heading to the empty space were just seconds ago her captor had laid unconscious. In the surface of her skin she could feel the familiar prickling that indicated she was morphing back. She was too taken over by her own emotions to focus on her appearance anymore.

"Damn them!" She yelled at the empty space above her head. "You come back... come back here you filthy werewolf!"

It was as if every sound in the swamp had died away and being replaced by a deafening silence.

Realising a second too late what she had just said, she turned around to face Remus. He was looking at his feet.

"I'm... I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I didn't mean to..."

"That's what I am for you, right?" he said in a voice that did not sound like his. It was cold, and harsh, far more scarier than the one he had used with Greyback, and it rang in Tonks' ears almost painfully. "A filthy werewolf."

"No, Remus, I didn't-"

"You didn't mean to say it? But you think that nonetheless." He raised his head and looked at her, with almost the same amount of fury he had shown during the fight.

This was a very different Remus from the one she had grown accustom to; his fury, not against some random enemy but aimed at her, was the scariest thing she had ever heard. Without noticing, Tonks was starting to tremble.

"Remus I..."

"What do you know about werewolves?" he roared at her unexpectedly, taking a couple of steps in her direction. She could not move away. "What have you learned during that stupid training of yours? How many of us have you actually met?"

"Remus, I'm sorry..."

"Do you think it's easy? Do you think it's even a choice? Have you ever thought about it?"

"I didn't mean you!" she finally yelled back at him.

"Really?" he said, with a scorn in his voice totally unknown to Tonks. "And what I am, according to you?"

"You're different!"

"I'm not! I'm just as filthy a werewolf as any other of my kind!"

"You're not!" Tonks replied, her voice now quivering.

"I was bitten," he said through clenched teeth, taking another step and stopping inches from Tonks, "just like any other werewolf. I transform every full moon, just like Fenrir or any other. I yearn for human flesh, I want to hurt, to bite, to taste, just like every werewolf there is."

"But you don't. You wouldn't ever... You stay away from people!"

"You can't be sure of that."

"Yes I am!" Now it was her turn to yell. "I know you: I've had plenty of opportunities to see that you are a good man!"

"I'm a werewolf," he replied, using again that same flat voice. "That's why you wouldn't talk to me anymore, isn't it?"

Tonks stood frozen for a moment, wanting so much to Dissapparate or to burry herself on the ground, or run away.

"That's not… I made a mistake."

"You did not. You acted like everybody in their senses would act. You wanted to protect yourself and that's fine. That's the way I'm used to be treated."

He was not looking at her anymore, but at the small piece of earth between them.

She had not a clue of what she should say next.

After a long moment Remus finally took a step back and turned around.

"I think our mission here is over."

_No, this can't end like this!_

"Wait, Remus!"

He did not turned around so Tonks hastily grabbed him from his sleeve and with a quick movement she made him face her again.

"Look, Remus, I was stupid."

"You were not, it was just-"

"Let me finish!" she interjected with the sternest voice she could muster. "I was stupid. For a time, and even though I've gotten to know you, I let the fact that you are a werewolf... and all the stupid facts and memories that I might have on the subject... I let it all win over everything else. And then I realised it has nothing to do with who you are…"

"But it does!"

"Would you be quiet for once?" she yelled at him, grabbing the front of his robes and shaking him in exasperation. "It doesn't have anything to do with what you are, and you know it! That's why it did hurt you so much, didn't it? 'Cause deep down you knew I was being an idiot. 'Cause you know you're so much better than all that werewolf rubbish!"

Tonks paused for a moment, she needed some air.

"It took me some time to realise that," she finally said in a softer voice. "All the prejudices I have were stronger at the beginning... even though I always knew that your being a werewolf doesn't matter, not really. I know that saying I'm sorry isn't good enough, but I am… I really am, Remus."

Finally letting go of his robes, she took a step back.

"I just hope you'll get to forgive me."

Tonks could not look at him any longer; she wished she had something to do other than stare at the empty space between them.

_How is it possible for silence to be this heavy?_

"D'you reckon we should go back, then?" she finally asked after what seemed like the longest amount of time.

"I've never lost my temper like this before," Remus said, ignoring her question. "I don't know what came over me."

"I guess I can be really exasperating," she replied with a small smile.

"True," he smiled back at her. "Charmingly so."

Tonks felt her heart do a couple of back flips but tried to ignore it.

"I'm sorr-"

"I would very much appreciate if you'd stop apologising," he interrupted kindly.

"Oh. All right," she said, biting her lip.

"Let me see your wrist."

"What's with my… oh, it's bleeding."

"Yeah," Remus said, taking Tonks' hand very carefully in his. "That filthy werewolf over there managed to sink his filthy fingernails in your skin."

Tonks looked at him incredulously; laughter was lingering in his beautiful brown eyes.

"You mocking me, Lupin?" she asked in a would-be stern voice.

"I think I am, Nymphadora," he replied, taking out his wand and closing the small wounds with its tip. After a pause he added, "I feared something like this might happen."

"Well, wounds do happen. And, to me, with an alarming frequency."

"That's not what I meant. I was positive we were going to find werewolves today. As a matter of fact, I didn't want you to come along to this particular mission on the first place."

Tonks looked at him wide-eyed.

"That's what you and Sirius were talking about back at Headquarters."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry I eavesdropped on you," she said, trying to sound guilty.

"Are you?"

"Nah," she smiled, "not really. But how did you know?"

"They dwell not far from here."

Tonks looked around, as if she was hoping to see a pack of werewolves emerging from the mist that had been starting to form around them.

"I used to live here too," his voice was emotionless again.

"But you left."

"I did. I decided being a werewolf wouldn't define my entire life. So I went to live among wizards. We're done here," he added hastily, releasing her hand. "I hope there won't be any scars."

"Thanks... and thanks for... you know... rescuing me."

"Not to worry. I..." he cleared his throat awkwardly, "I don't have enough words to describe how upset would I be if something had happened to you tonight."

Tonks remained silent for a while, the statement was almost too serious for her.

"Well," she finally managed, "you know, as an Auror there are too many chances that something might happen to me sooner or later. Add to that the fact that we are both members of the Order."

"I know, but still. I just want you to be safe."


	57. Tonks placed yet another heavy book

Tonks placed yet another heavy book on one of the corners of the large piece of parchment lying in her otherwise empty desk, to stop it from rolling back. She had placed all the usual stuff in small stacks on the floor and her cublicle seemed a lot messier than usual.

She looked at the yellowish image: this was the region alright. The outskirts of a small industrial village, suburbia, a small swamp... she could not place the exact spot though. If, as she knew now, there were, or had been, a number of werewolves living in the vicinity, there should be something like a shelter of sorts. There was none: no cave, or empty building, or woods that could serve as refuge. And yet Remus has said it was a dwelling for werewolves, and Sirius had confirmed it.

"_Come on, you must tell me."_

"_No I don't. There must be a reason why he hadn't told you." Her cousin's stubborn expression did not discourage her._

"_Of course there is a reason why he hadn't told me! I've been horrible with his... you know, werewolf thing!"_

"_True."_

"_You've made your point already; there is no need to press on the matter. The thing is-"_

"_The thing is," Sirius interrupted, "that you are sickly curious about his living with werewolves, and that is just not right!"_

"_This is not out of sheer curiosity," Tonks prompted indignantly._

"_Then?"_

"_I wasn't prepared for last mission. I put both of us in danger."_

"_That's rubbish. Besides, Remus' living with werewolves happened when I was not around, remember? Does the words Azkaban and life imprisonment ring a bell?"_

"_Vaguely," she said with a mocking expression. "And all these days you both have been here on your own you haven't talked about anything but the weather, right?"_

_Sirius looked at her, half amused, half exasperated._

"_Come on," Tonks repeated for what seemed like the millionth time that evening, but using a much more supplicant voice. "Please, Sirius, I need to know."_

"_Why?"_

"_Just... just because."_

With an frustrated sigh Tonks reopened Remus' file again. The description of his time with the pack was brief and it confirmed the location roughly on the map. Tonks could have slapped her own head. Had she read carefully his file on the first time, not focusing on his being a werewolf but on the details, she would have known what lay in front of them on that particular mission.

Reluctantly, she grabbed another file from a pile on the floor. This one was much heavier than Remus' and was labelled with a few more tags. Alongside with _Werewolf Regulation Office_, there was _Azkaban_, _In league with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named_ and _Stun without asking._ Tonks looked at her wrist, were Greyback's fingernails had cut; Remus had done a fine job indeed, there were no scars to be seen.

"_You're not going to mess with him again, are you?." Sirius said, his eyes fixed intently on hers._

"_I won't._ _I'm," Tonks desperately tried to summon words that would not give away the mess of feelings she was having whenever being close to Remus. "I'm interested in his story, that's all."_

_Her cousin was still looking at her._

"_All right," he finally said. "I'll tell you what I know, but..."_

"_But?"_

"_But," Sirius expression terribly solemn now. "I promise to you that if you hurt him ever again, in any possible way... you will have to answer to me, and I will forget that you are my baby cousin."_

_Tonks looked back at him for a long moment, taken aback by this sudden seriousness. A current of silent understanding seemed to be running through them, though._

"_I won't," she finally said. "Ever."_

Greyback's picture was scorning at her and she hastily put it aside. There was a high stack of pieces of parchment, reports filled by Hit-Wizards and fellow Aurors, some of them quite brief, others many feet long. She started reading fast, looking for a clue in those stories of mishaps and escapes. There was just a word that caught her eye for it was often used, _sewers. _

Looking back at the map, she started scanning it again with a shiver. Could it be?

_Sirius stood up and filled two glasses with Firewhiskey. Tonks grabbed hers, distracted by the fact that her cousin seemed to have finally made his mind._

"_I don't know much about it. Remus doesn't like to remember some of the things that happened back then and I don't blame him. I was having a rough time in Azkaban, but he wasn't doing much better."_

_Tonks sipped from his glass in silence. Now that she was finally getting some facts, she was not going to interrupt._

"_After Voldemort disappearance and the Pettigrew incident, I was taken to Azkaban without as much as a trail. The last time I saw Remus was mere days after that; he came to the prison. How he got clearance to do so, I don't know, but I guess Dumbledore had something to do with that. He might have realised that Remus needed some closure."_

_Sirius took a large amount of liquid from his glass._

"_Let me tell you, Tonks: that was one of the most horrible memories that haunted me all those years. He... he didn't seemed like Remus at all. He was... furious beyond anything you could imagine and he didn't believe me when I told him the truth. I don't blame him, you know. Who would've believed it anyways? He said horrible things I won't repeat and then... then he looked at me with so much pain in his face... mind you, there shoudln't be forgiveness in this world for someone who puts that look in anybody's face."_

There it was... a small label near an old factory. The sewers. Was it possible for people to actually live there? She could not just go there and check, not after the previous mission. She was not that stupid. There was an alternative solution, though. She grabbed a tiny piece of parchment and scribbled a couple of names from the reports on Greyback's file; hastily she stood up, tripping with a stack of files near her desk. The Aurors' Headquarters was almost empty: it was late and few people were lingering in the office.

Almost panting she entered the Archives and stood in front of a small door. "Room of Memories". What she was about to do needed a special clearance, but she doubted anybody would be there to check.

The room was dark and dusty. Glass phials stood in uncountable shelves, placed in rows alongside a corridor, all of them displaying the name of the person who had made the memory and a date. It took her sometime to find the ones she was looking for but finally she managed to grab three glass containers filled with that familiar bluish-grey substance, not liquid, nor gas.

_Almost unconsciously Tonks took Sirius hand. For a moment it seemed he would not want to go further with his story. He rapidly recovered though, and forcing a crooked smile looked at her again._

"_After that, Remus went almost everywhere. He told me later that he wished to contact other werewolves who, like him, were trying to live among wizards. At the same time, he was also training."_

"_Training?"_

"_You see, when Dumbledore recruited us for the first Order of the Phoenix we were really young and not at all properly trained. We just... started learning with practice and it was hardly good enough. I guess that we were actually lucky not to get into real harm, but we were getting better quickly nonetheless. After the end of the First War, Remus, like many others, was convinced that Voldemort would be back, and he took up to himself to be prepared when that time came. So he went seeking different masters, never staying long with any of them, but still long enough to get really good at fighting."_

"_I've noticed," Tonks muttered, thinking about the glimpses she had of him fighting the Death Eater not long ago._

"_Wait and see... One of his masters was actually Mad-Eye, for a very short period." Tonks opened her eyes curiously and Sirius nodded. "That was just after... I mean, before he went abroad. You should ask him; maybe he'll tell you more."_

"_When did he come back?"_

"_Some years ago." Sirius said slowly. "Remember the incident with Quirrel at Hogwarts?"_

_She nodded._

"_He told me that back then he was already thinking about coming back. He hadn't found that ideal colony of peaceful werewolves and was getting sick of being despised by every wizard that found out about his condition. So, Remus realised that the thing with Quirrel only meant Voldemort was trying to regain power and he came back and joined a pack of werewolves."_

"_Greyback's pack."_

"_That's correct."_

"_But why? Didn't he hate him? Why did Remus went to Fenrir's pack of all places?"_

"_You will have to ask him that yourself," Sirius said solemnly._

_Both stayed silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts._

_

* * *

_**AN: Thanks a lot for the kind reviews from 'old' and new readers: Lexentrique, Furionknight, a little Wicked, Jooooooolz, felixlee14, edwardfiend, adventurous, , Louey06, ascerbic and Mikeb86. I promise it won't be that long for the next post.**


	58. The contents of the first phial

The contents of the first phial, not liquid, nor gas, felt easily in one of the stone basins placed in tables in the centre of the room. Not sure of what would she see in the memory but desperate to find out more, Tonks bent over the Pensieve and touched the substance with the tip of her nose.

She was in the outskirts of the same town she and Remus had been to just days ago and the receding orange light told her it was close to dusk. A bunch of Hit-Wizards were chasing a man, running in the direction of the swamp and she started following them. They did not go to the same place she had been though, but turned abruptly after the man and approached a group of large old buildings. Suddenly their quarry seemed to have disappeared and, after a moment of doubt, the Hit-Wizards scattered around, searching.

The yell of one of them made them all turn and run in the direction of one spot where large amounts of weed were growing in a steep hill, not far from the wall of one of the buildings towering over them. With their wands raised, all the Hit-Wizards approached the one who had summoned them. There it was, the entrance to the sewers: a very large pipe, dripping filthy water into a small stinky pond.

"Let's go inside," one of the men suggested. The owner of the memory, Tonks guessed.

Although some of them did not seem completely convinced, they all agreed. Very carefully and silently, one by one they entered the pipe, which was not large enough for them to stand up straight. Suddenly the first one came to an abrupt hall. A sound of many feet running towards them was perfectly audible from inside the sewers; a couple of Hit-Wizards made surprised noises.

Tonks had just one second to look at the first two of a group of at several angry, filthy faces before the memory dissolved and she found herself in the Ministry of Magic again. She had recognized Greyback among them.

She tipped the memory back into the phial and took the cork of the second one eagerly with her teeth. Again there she went and again she found herself on the outskirts of the same town.

This memory was from a young Auror that, apparently, had been send on a recognising mission. It was much older than the previous one too. Tonks could see that the big buildings seemed a bit less old and less abandoned, and that, in general, the town seemed less gloomy at the light of the full moon.

The young Auror was looking at a window of a small house at the outskirts. The cries of a woman were distinctly audible, mixed with the yelling of a man, they were nowhere to be seen though and Tonks guessed they were in another room. The Auror paused and tipped his head to better listen to the quarrel inside the house.

"He is a monster!" the man was yelling. "He is no longer human!"

"But something could have been done," the woman whimpered.

"What? Raise the animal as a pet?" he scorned cruelly.

There was no answer other than a fresh flow of cries from the woman. Finally she spoke again in a barely audible whisper:

"Th- th- there... there was no reason to... to do what you've..."

"It is a werewolf. It could have attacked us," the man said somehow softly.

"You shot at your own son!" The sudden yell of the woman made both Tonks and the young Auror startle.

The man said nothing.

As coming out from a reverie, the Auror stop trying to listen to the conversation and started walking, surrounding the house, looking at the ground carefully. Then he found what both he and Tonks were looking for: a fresh trail of blood. Looking around, he took his wand from an inside pocket at whispered _Lumos!_, then, the Auror followed it in the direction of the swamp. It seemed that the person who had been shot had had no idea of where to go, for the trail circled around tress and bushes, sometimes leaving big bloody spots, where the owner had stopped for a pause.

Dawn was approaching and a soft light was illuminating the path along with the one casted by the tip of the Auror's wand. Tonks was not surprised when they ended at the same pipe from the previous memory. The place was not as filthy as before, but it was not nice either. Very carefully the Auror approached the dirty pond, his wand at the ready.

Somebody or something was there, crouched at the entrance of the sewers. It took both Tonks and the Auror a moment to realise it was not a man, but a hairy creature, licking a large wound on its rare leg and whimpering softly. It appeared to be oblivious to its surroundings. A very worn wand lay next to it and it looked as if the werewolf had taken it in its teeth, there were dot markings in the wood.

Suddenly something that seemed like an electric shock made the werewolf shake uncontrollably. A high-pitched groan of pain, somewhere between a howl and a scream made Tonks' ears hurt. Without taking her eyes off the creature she saw its hair recede, its shape rearrange and, in ever so violent spasms that shook the entire body, the transformation was finally over. A boy, not yet an adult, lay face down in the smelly fluids of the pipes.

All caution loss, the Auror climbed the pipe and approached the boy, turning him over. He looked pale and the wound on his leg was still bleeding. The Auror ripped off his own sleeve and was about to start binding him up when the boy with a startle opened his eyes. Quickly he drew back looking around with a mix of fear and anger.

"He shot me!" he cried, "And then... then the horrible pain and... What happened?"

The kid looked around desperately and finally spotting his wand, he grabbed it with some sort of relief.

"You..." the Auror started slowly. Tonks could see he had never done something of the sort before and he was not sure of how to proceed. "You were bitten... by a werewolf."

"I know that!" said the boy with contempt. "That was a month ago! They were going to take care of me! They say..." his voice dropped and he looked at his wound. "Mom said they would take care of me... and then..."

He whimpered softly, and with a quick movement of his arm he whipped off a tear.

"He... he came into my room..." his eyes were full of hatred now and he started to tremble.

"Easy now, Fenrir," said the Auror in a would-be commanding voice that did not sound convincing. Although Tonks knew what she was facing, from the reports she had read in her office, the name surprised her.

"He tried to kill me!" young Fenrir Greyback suddenly stood up straight, despite of his bleeding wound, and pointed his wand at the Auror. "He sneaked into my room to shoot me! As if I were an animal!"

One second too late, the Auror grabbed his wand again. The boy had already turned around and was limping with amazing speed towards the darkness of the sewers. The memory dissolved.

Taking a gulp of air Tonks stood up straight in front of the pensieve, her head racing and her knees trembling. She had never seen a werewolf transform before... it was the scariest, most horrible thing she had faced in her not that short experience. For a moment she stood there, looking without seeing at the whirling memory in the stone basin. She was thinking about Remus. Was it this painful for him too? Every month?

She shook her head vigorously. There was another memory: she had saved for the end the one she was most eager to look at. The tiny label said "Alastor Moody", with a date almost twenty years before.

Hastily, Tonks replaced the young Auror's memory and tipped the last one. Eagerly she dived into yet another piece of the past.

It was difficult to recognise Moody with both eyes the same colour and both legs normal. His face displayed some of the scars he now had, but most of them were not yet there. He was standing in the outskirts of the same swamp, taking a silvery tissue from an inside pocket. Carefully wearing the invisibility cloak and making sure he was absolutely covered with it, he started walking.

Tonks realised only a well trained Auror could have followed an invisible Moody. Just for the fact that he was leaving tiny traces in the damp earth she had some inkling of the position of his master; he was perfectly quiet and careful.

After a short walk they both stopped. Once again Tonks was facing the entrance to the sewers but this time, and without hesitation, Moody went in. Tonks followed marvelling on how careful he was at not making any noises in the damp surface of the pipe. It was not very long and they came into another tunnel, far bigger than the previous one; both of them could walk normally now. Moody's quiet footprints were heading right and Tonks hurried behind him. It was a long walk and she suspected they were now right under the factories of the town. The smell was getting stronger and she suddenly realised that there were noises other than the soft sound of the water. Voices were coming from the darkness of the corridor.

Moody and Tonks continued walking until they came into another branch of the sewers, from where a bluish glow was visible. This time without paying attention to what Moody was doing, she hurried forward. The narrow tunnel seemed to be packed: a large group of people were circling a blue flame, they were all covered in dirty rags and some of them were drinking from dusty flasks. Others were just looking at the cold fire with blank expressions. Form a corner Tonks could hear a flow of deep coughs but nobody else paid attention.

Steps were now audible, coming from the large tunnel. This time everybody looked up with greedy eyes. Three figures were approaching, carrying heavy packages on their shoulders. Some of the persons stood up to help them. At the light of the bluish flames Tonks could see that the newcomers had brought large pieces of raw meat.

The group was growing restless; a woman from the group near the fire stretched a hand towards one of the pieces and an unexpected kick from a tall man made her drew back with a cry of pain. Fenrir Greyback had placed himself between the meat and the other werewolves and had drawn a large knife. Turning around he started cutting off portions and throwing them to each person. Some of them started to quarrel over special pieces of it, but he ignored them.

Looking around, Tonks saw, revolted, how this wizards and witches were eating the meat like animals, with their bare hands, growling and kicking each other.

It was too much.

With a great effort she took off her head from the pensieve and, slightly nauseous, Tonks breathed deeply the dusty air of the Room of Memories.


	59. It had been only the day before

_August 31st 1995_

It had been only the day before. A very long day, followed by a very long restless night full of nightmares of Remus screaming like the young Fenrir had done while transforming in the memory, or coughing in a corner of the dark sewer covered with filthy rags. Life, of course, was to go on, and thinking along those lines, she had gone to work. Finally, after a totally useless day of pretending to be working, while trying to avoid any further references to werewolves' affairs, she was back at Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

The atmosphere at Headquarters was at complete odds with the gloominess inside her head. The next day the kids were going back to Hogwarts and Molly had improvised a party of sorts, since Ron and Hermione had been made prefects. From upstairs the noise of trunks being packed and several yells for things gone missing were perfectly audible.

There was no use to anybody to keep torturing her mind with other's memories. With a small sigh Tonks decided that she could use some of the cheery atmosphere and morphed her hair long and bright red trying to compose a feisty image, while ignoring the sleep on her eyes and the knot on her stomach.

It seemed like she had succeeded; on entering the kitchen the pride irradiating from Molly was contagious and there was a large banner that diminished the usual sadness of the place. She was going to try and have a good time, she was going to blend in in the best possible way and enjoy the fact that the kids were still there to make the place a tad less gloomy.

Great purposes, a fine idea. To bad it did not last very long, though. She was offering Molly a hand with the food, knowing that she would be rejected, when Sirius and Remus entered the kitchen.

For a moment she felt as if everything had gotten into slow motion.

She could not get her eyes off Remus; even though she did not want to, her brain was treacherously picturing him like one of the persons inside the tunnel from Moody's memory. She wanted to forget it all, but what she had seen not long ago was still too fresh; it had been too strong a memory. And yet, despite of his old patched robes and his air of tiredness, she could not compose an image of him lying on the floor and fighting for pieces of raw meat. And it seemed like the hardest thing to do not to throw her into his arms and hug him with all her might. Because no, he was not there, and he was no beast. He was here, with them, with her.

It lasted only a second in which their eyes met. Sirius, probably noticing that small struggle, hastily offered everybody bottles of Butterbeer and she tried to look casual again. Remus' help was more gladly accepted by Molly and he joined her at the stove; Tonks mentally thanked the possibility she now had to look at him without being noticed.

"So?" she had almost forgotten that Sirius was sitting at her side.

He seemed somehow more depressed than before. It had probably something to do with him being prohibited to accompany them the next day to Kings Cross, along with the fact that Headquarters would be mainly empty now.

"So, what?"

"So, will you stop staring at Remus?" Sirius said in a low voice.

Tonks shook her head trying to regain her self-control but said nothing. She was indeed staring at him, but was she to blame?

"You kept digging into it, didn't you?" he asked.

"I couldn't help it."

"Of course you couldn't," he replied, but his voice was not unfriendly. "And...?"

She shuddered.

"And it was even worse than anything I could have ever imagined."

Sirius looked at her without saying a word but the "I told you so" was plainly visible in his expression.

Tonks was glad with the arrival of Kingsley, in front of whom Sirius was not going to pursuit the subject, and the coming down of the kids. Suddenly the atmosphere was feisty again and she remembered her resolution: she will try to have a good time and stop thinking about last days' events.

That was not hard to do actually. Maybe her mind was as eager to let some memories go for the time being, maybe the kids were doing their share too. Their presence in different levels of excitement, especially Ron who had just gotten a new broomstick, and of some of the members of the Order for once not talking about missions or fears, managed to distract her from almost everything, except a certain person in the room. But the images about him had changed too and suddenly the memories on the pensive seemed pale and half-forgotten in comparison with the bright reality.

With a dash of surprise Tonks realised that she was really enjoying the moment. When Molly left the room announcing she was going to get rid of a Boggart, she considered for an instant coming along and help her, but she was deep in conversation with Ron about his new broom and remained put.

Out of the corner of her eye, Tonks saw Harry leaving too, and Moody following him with his magical eye. A second later, he was beaconing Sirius and Remus. It might be nothing and perhaps she was acquiring some of Moody's paranoia, but there seemed to be something odd about them. It was not until the last too left that Tonks finally decided to abandon the kitchen and see what was going on upstairs.

There were soft noises coming from the drawing room. Molly was sobbing incoherently and mere seconds later Tonks could clearly hear the firm cry of "_Riddikulus_!" from Remus, followed by the typical puff of the vanishing of a Boggart.

Maybe the cheery atmosphere had been a façade for everyone.

The older woman had lost her nerves; from outside the room her muffled sobs and Remus' and Sirius' comforting words were perfectly audible. She was afraid of death... like everybody in the Order; except it was not her own, but the possibility that the ones she loved could get hurt. Listening to Molly's fear finally managed to make Tonks forget all about werewolves and past experiences. There she was, a strong woman, struggling everyday with the fears that her own husband or her many children could die any day. Own personal fear for one's security was nothing compared to this kind of dread.

"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died," she heard Remus' voice, "what do you think we'd do, let them starve?"

Tonks could not help but smile at this, but it was almost instantly replaced by a grimace of horror. What if it was Remus the one who got hurt during the next mission?

The aching emptiness inside her chest left no room for doubts of what the Boggart's shape would be like, if she had had to face it.

She stood outside the door, half-hidden by it, and moments later she saw how everybody in the room left, all but Remus. She suddenly had the need to talk to him, to hear his voice again, to make sure that he was safe, and she mentally thanked everybody else for giving her this opportunity. Quietly she stood at the threshold; he was looking thoughtfully at the desk were the Boggart had dwell not long ago.

"You are a very decent man," she muttered.

He turned around, smiling slightly.

"It's been proven that I can't argue that particular point with you. You seem much attached to the idea."

Despite her previous fears, Tonks beamed at him. And without pausing to think she rushed to do what she had been aching to do for a very long time. Not really knowing how, she was hugging him and a heartbeat later he was hugging her back.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Without letting go, she raised her head a bit to look at him.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm alright."

He did let go though and Tonks had a strong feeling of loss. For a moment he looked at her, as if he was carefully choosing his next words.

"I'm worried about you," he said. "I'm worried about how will this affect you in time."

"You've been talking to Mad-Eye lately?" she asked, trying to lighten the suddenly solemn atmosphere. She was touched nonetheless,

"No, is he worried too?"

"Well... in his own particular way... He mentioned the toll this might take on me some weeks ago." Tonks felt as if it had passed much more time from that conversation. "After my first meeting with the Order," she added.

"And he's right. Mad-Eye has seen a lot and knows exactly what could happen. You could almost say that the scars or even the losing of limbs is not the worse part of this all," Remus said. "You've heard Molly, haven't you?"

She nodded, her mouth suddenly dry.

"Living in constant fear, not only for yourself but for the ones you care about..." he went on.

"I know how it feels like...," she started.

"... It leaves marks," Remus continued, ignoring her prompt remark, "it damages your inner self and sometimes there is no going back."

Tonks remained silent for a while, wondering if some of that had happened to him. After all, he had lost a lot in the First War. But what was the alternative? A sudden fear, quite different from the others came to her mind.

"Are you telling me I should quit?" she finally said defiantly, taking a step back.

That was out of the question, she was not going to leave the Order of the Phoenix, not even for him.

"I wouldn't dare to do so," he said with a kind smile. She relaxed a little.

"So, what are you saying?"

Remus remained silent for a while, looking at his hands.

"I don't know, Tonks. I just... I've told you before. I don't want anything to happen to you... And I don't just mean getting physically hurt. You're... so full of life, there is so much waiting for you and you deserve to have it all..."

He approached her again. For a second Tonks considered hugging him again, but this time she had the feeling it would be out of place.

"Just promise me-"

"To be safe?"

"No, that's not real. Just promise to ask for help."

Tonks looked at him, one eyebrow raised. She was not sure if she had understood.

"You are not the only one fighting here," Remus added, "and you should realise it will be easier if you stop thinking it all depends on you. So, that's it: promise me you will ask for help, for counselling if something is bothering you, for whatever you need. Because fighting in this war is a heavy burden and it wouldn't be fair if you ended up burned out and bitter for good."

He was serious and yet his bright eyes were so full of... something, something kind and caring.

"All right," she finally said. "I get what you mean... I promise I'll ask for help or advice or whatever."

She could not stop thinking if there was more meaning to what he had said than what was apparent. For her it was obvious. If she had not thought she was the only one knowing about him being a werewolf a lot of thing would not have happened. All of them, things she now regretted terribly.

"That's more like it," Remus was smiling at her.

Tonks smiled back.

"Moody wanted to review the plan for tomorrow's guard, we should go" she hastened to say. She felt she did not want any awkward silences just yet.

"Right," he agreed. "Let's go."


	60. Tonks was sorry the kids would go

_September 1st 1995_

Although she had not spent too much time with them, Tonks was sorry the kids would go to Hogwarts that day. Especially because of Sirius. Despite of his ever more frequent and longer incursions to Buckbeak's room, where he had now taken to spend hours at the time, he had enjoyed in his own way the presence of the Weasleys, Hermione and especially Harry at Headquarters. And in her opinion, Number 12, Grimmauld Place was already a very gloomy depressing place, without the addition of an even gloomier Sirius.

Transfigurating her clothes to make them look like the ones an elderly woman would use, she wondered how staying at the old house would feel like from now on. Boring and sad were the words that kept coming to her mind; the sight of the building itself made nothing to improve her mood.

She did not enter the house this time, but, as accorded previously, she waited outside, at the corner of the almost deserted square, for everybody to go out. They were running late, which gave Tonks time to think about this particular mission. The night before there had been a small discussion that had left her full of thoughts.

Tonks did not agree with such a large display of members of the Order together. For once, if somebody was looking, the allegiances between otherwise perfectly unknown wizards and witches would be obvious. And more importantly, if Arthur Weasley or Kingsley Shacklebolt were seen in company of Remus Lupin or Sturgis Podmore, for example, who were known members of the previous Order of the Phoenix, they could put in risk their jobs at the Ministry.

When exposing that particular point the night before, Arthur had interrupted her, kindly but firmly, saying that he did not care about his job, but about the child's safety. There was no room of discussion after that. The memory of Molly's Boggart had been enough to make Tonks keep the rest of her thoughts to herself. But she was starting to wander nonetheless, how they were supposed to sort out their priorities when so many personal important things were on stake. There will be a time, she was sure of it, when every one of them will be forced to chose between what was best for the Order or what was best for themselves and their loved ones. That was an idea she felt she wanted to discuss with Mad-Eye... maybe that was the reason while he never got married.

At last the door of number twelve was yanked open by a very dishevelled Molly. She looked ballistic and the apparent reason why was trailing behind her and Harry, walking on four furry legs. Tonks rolled her eyes both amused and exasperated.

"Wotcher, Harry," she winked at them. "Better hurry up, hadn't we, Molly?"

It was a long walk; Molly was babbling nonstop about Sturgis failing to show up and how uncomfortable was for them to travel without the use of magic while Sirius, apparently having the time of his life, was entertaining everybody by impersonating a very restless dog. The older woman was ignoring him and Tonks could not honestly say her anger was absurd. Sirius was being reckless. But it would not do anybody any good to press the point to Molly.

Finally they reached platform nine and three quarters. Despite her own reassurances that they would all be alright, Tonks gave a deep sight of relieve with the arrival of the next groups. Mad-Eye came first, with everybody's trunks, and very angry at Sturgis. Then Mr. Weasley, Ron and Hermione appeared, finally followed by Ginny, the twins and Remus.

The goodbyes were quick and full of warnings for the kids. Tonks wondered if they would take in it all: careful when writing, keep your heads down, behave... the whole situation remained her a little of her mother taking her to that same platform not that long ago. Except there had been no real danger, and nor handful of strange characters coming along.

Finally the train was gone and the parents were all taking turns to cross the barrier back into the station.

Remus quickly volunteered to "take the dog home". It was plain for his expression that he, like Tonks, was divided between amusement and exasperation. She wandered if they would go straight back or if Remus would allow Sirius to stretch his legs a bit longer... by a small glow that all but confess mischief on the making, she was quite positive he would. Molly, probably noticing it as well, made a loud _hmpf_ and with a quick goodbye she Dissapparated.

"See you at tonight's meeting," Mad-Eye said in a very low voice before Dissapparating as well.

Tonks waved everybody goodbye before heading to the barrier. She needed to get to work but first of all, she needed to get her normal appearance back.

At least, she thought talking a last glance at Remus and the black dog, despite of Sturgis' disappearance and of Sirius' refuses of staying put, this small mission seemed to have gone alright.

* * *

"I am fully responsible of my own behaviour, thank you very much," Sirius' aired voice was the first noise Tonks heard from the closed kitchen door. Now that the kids were no longer around, nobody had unperturbed it.

"What you've done today proves you're not!" Molly retorted the moment Tonks opened the door.

"Wotcher!"

Nobody paid any attention to her. Emmeline, Mundungus and Bill seemed to be the spectators of an odd tennis game in which Sirius and Molly were stubbornly darting arguments at each other from opposite sides of the kitchen table. None of them seemed very eager to interrupt, though.

"You have no idea what this is like for me-!"

"Oh, and because how miserable you feel, we all have to risk our necks with-?"

"Nobody was really risking-"

"And how would you kn-?"

"That's enough" Moody's grunt from Tonks' back made the whole audience jump. "This discussion has no point, so let's talk about what we are supposed to."

Grunting under their breaths, both Sirius and Molly sat, as far from each other as possible. Tonks took a sit as well and they were quickly joined by Arthur, Kingsley and Hestia. For a moment Tonks kept giving the door surreptitious looks, waiting for Remus to come in as well. It took her a long moment to realise that sadly he was on guard duty that night.

"First things first," Mad-Eye started. "We need to do a backup check on Dolores Umbridge."

"Why on her of all people?" Tonks asked with an ill expression.

"She's been appointed to Hogwarts on Fudge orders."

"She what?"

"What for? She's no teacher" Hestia protested.

"To spy from inside, probably," Kingsley answered. "Am I right?"

"Apparently," Moody continued. "We need to be sure, though, that she is not spending too much time with suspected Death Eaters. Tonks, do a backup check."

Hastily morphing her features as to look like the woman in question, Tonks replied.

"Hem hem, thanks Mad-Eye, that's a lovely task."

Everybody chuckled ad Bill started laughing out loud. Moody just ignored her.

"It's not likely she had joined them," he continued. "She doesn't need to be outside the law in order to be bad news. But we have to be sure anyways."

Bill's laughter died away and Tonks morphed back, sticking out her tongue.

"And from another matter, we need to contact Sturgis as soon as possible."

"'Aven't seen 'im in a while." Mundungus spoke from his usual corner.

It was odd for him to overtly participate when discussing a subject, mostly because he was usually asleep; everybody looked surprised in his direction.

"'E should've taken me post guarding Rockwood's house and 'e don't show up."

"When was that?" Kingsley asked.

"Lemme see..." Mundungus scratched his chin, "'bout a week ago."

"And why didn't you tell us earlier?" Moody asked with a murderous expression.

"Dunno, I don't want to get the bloke into trouble with y'all now, do I?"

"That's very sensitive from you, Dung," Sirius chuckled.

"Has anybody seen him later than that?" Mad-Eye asked again.

Nobody spoke.

Tonks could clearly feel a chill going down her spine. _What if...?_

"He hasn't been compromised now, has he?" Molly finally spoke in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

"How could we be sure?" Bill asked.

"We should go to his place"

"What is somebody from the other side is there?"

"We should send him a Patronus."

"Absolutely not, he might have been taken by Death Eaters."

"Then?"

"Alright, enough," Mad-Eye spoke. "We don't know any of that yet. For now, we wait."

"But what if he's been hurt?" Arthur spoke.

Moody looked around pensively.

"Mundungus," he finally said, "could you go to his place and check?"

"Why me? Hestia says somebody might be there, don't the?"

"Because." Moody said harshly.

"But what if..?"

"You fail on reporting him!" the old Auror snapped. "Off you go, then, or I'll give you twice as much as you'd get from Death Eaters."

Mundungus glared at him from sunken eyes.

"All right," he muttered.

"Tonight."

"But I have to-"

The terrible glare from Moody's both eyes drowned whatever argument Mundungus might have had. He just nodded and stood up.

"Better be goin' then," he said as a goodbye.

There was no point to pretend they well all concentrating on the next week's schedule, and yet, they all lowered their gazes to the pieces of parchment lying on the table, clearly trying to distract themselves from the chill that seemed to have entered the room. The only possitive thing was that the meeting finished early.

The goodbyes and the sounds of people gathering their belongings seemed to take no time at all. Tonks was positive that, just like her, everybody wished to be at home and to make sure everything was all right in their small lives.

She could not, though. And when she and Sirius were the only ones left in the house. She took a handful of rolls of parchments from her bag and sighed. She had a very personal, very important mission.

* * *

**AN: This tale is now one year old (plus three days). That surprised me a lot, I did not realise it had taken me this long to reach this point. A heap of things had happened this year and mostly because of that, I have not had the time I wish I had to write more frequently...**

**Thanks a lot for the great reviews: Star Ash Myst, Furionknight, Louey06, felixlee14 (who has actually sticking with this all this time!), edwardfiend, ms. wolf, NykyrianKiara, a little Wicked and youthbandrox. Also thanks to the ****people who fav'ed this story and the one who subscribed to it!**

******Cheers!**


	61. I'll stay and work here

"I'll stay and work here. You don't mind, do you?"

Tonks said while unrolling some parchments and putting them on the kitchen table, occupying a great portion of it. She had to do a report for the Order on that day's mission of taking the kids to King's Cross and she wanted to get over and done with it that night. Specially considering that this sort of dull mechanic work would keep her mind from that other very personal mission.

"Do whatever you want…", Sirius said automatically. In his rage, Tonks wondered if he had even listened to her. "I can't believe that woman!"

He accompanied his words with long steps from one side to the kitchen to the other. Just as he seemed to be oblivious to her, Tonks barely took notice.

"Do you see the way she treats me, the way she talks to me...?"

It was a very old argument, really.

"You know better than to pay any attention to her," Tonks murmured in a flat voice, while carefully trying to uncork the ink bottle without spilling it on the fresh pieces of parchment lying in front of her.

"I don't pay attention to her!," he scoffed, "But she's so… who does she thinks she is? I am his godfather... and grown up enough to know what's best."

The usual banters between Sirius and Molly had reached their highest point. He had been furious with her and her remarks about him going to the station since that morning and now that everybody had left after the Order meeting, and both Arthur and Molly Weasley back home to the Burrow, he seemed to be taking the momentarily emptiness of the place to complain about the latter. This was hardly the first time and Tonks was getting tired of having to listen to it.

Too bad he actually wanted her to join him on his complains. Now, Sirius was looking at her, plainly waiting for her to agree with him, or to feed him with fresh additions to his argument.

"Both of you care about Harry, she's a bit jealous, she wants the kids to be safe," she answered mechanically. Sirius' problems with Molly were far from her top priorities.

Sirius looked at her for a moment, slightly amused.

"You're not actually listening to me, do you?"

"Not any further, nope," Tonks answered, dipping her quill in a freshly opened ink bottle.

Sirius sighed and for a fraction of a second Tonks felt sorry for him. Yet, that part of her knowing that he was being unreasonable won over. There were more important things all right.

"Fine then! I'll go upstairs!" he looked defeated.

"Have fun."

After Sirius' steps died out, Tonks sighed heavily. She was glad her cousin, lost in his own anger, had not asked her why she was not going home to finish the report there. There was only one reason and she did not felt like sharing it with him.

Remus would go to Number 12, Grimmauld Place, when his shift were over. That was the usual procedure, to check in and leave some notes on his afternoon shift at the Ministry and the night's happenings, which almost always had been none. Right when Moody had been ushering Mundungus to go over tu Sturgis', she had had an idea that had seemed so serious she had thought of it as a mission. If she could stay there and work all night she might see him early in the morning. Most fortunately, next day was Saturday and despite of the fact that she really needed to sleep, she felt there were other priorities. And it did not matter how odd would it be for him, or for Sirius if he would ask any further. Apparently, her wishing to see him was making her throw away all caution.

As a matter of fact, what she really would have wanted to do would be to go to the Ministry and meet Remus at the Department of Mysteries' door, where he should be by now, hidden beneath Moody's invisibility cloak, but she knew that was absolutely impossible. Just to imagine Mad-Eye's possible reaction at her not following the approved procedure was enough to make her drop that crazy idea, not to mention that Remus could actually attack first and ask questions later at her unexpected appearance. So, according to Tonks, it was plain that the only sensitive thing to do was to summon every piece of work she could find and concentrate on doing it until he came back in at dawn.

She was starting to white the first sentences, when a silvery light came through one of the high windows of the kitchen and a raccoon formed on the table. Although she had been focused on a diversity of scenarios that involved seeing Remus, she had been waiting for this too.

_Sturgis' not home_, it said with Mundungus Fletcher's voice, _there is no sign of fight. He's been here earlier, there's yesterday's Prophet. Dirty dishes and empty bottles are everywhere in the kitchen._

Tonks sighed with relief; this changed the situation a lot. It was now more likely Mad-Eye was right: Sturgis was indeed getting as unreliable as Mundungus, and right now he was probably somewhere else, minding his own business. While this was indeed a problem, it was almost nothing when compared to his possible disappearance. Of course it would have been much better if Mundungus had actually seen him and talked to him, make sure he was all right, but still... even if something had happened to Sturgis, for the moment waiting for him to reappear seemed to be the only possible course of action.

A bit less anxious she continued with her report. It was really difficult to concentrate, though. She was tired; she had done one too many shifts that week and doing extra paperwork was not exactly stimulating. Her eyelids felt quite heavy, despite the many cups of coffee she had already drunk.

Bur she had to wait just a tad longer...

The feeling of something soft on her shoulders and a sudden familiar a very pleasant scent made her woke up. Apparently her head had been buried on her arms and over the report, which now displayed a large spot of purple ink right beneath the three lines she had managed to produce. With a start, Tonks sat up right; clear golden light entered through the dusty high windows.

"Sorry I've woken you up," said a husky soft voice.

Tonks looked around. Remus was carefully folding the invisibility cloak, looking at her with a slightly amused expression.

"You're back," she muttered sleepily, "how long have you been here?"

"I've just arrived," he placed the cloak and a small roll of parchment on top of one of the highest shelves. "You seemed cold, so I covered you. I was hoping you'd continue sleeping."

Tonks looked at her shoulders. Indeed, something that looked a lot like Remus cloak was placed over them.

"Thanks," she beamed at him.

"What were you doing here by yourself?" he asked, facing her again.

"I..." it would be just too easy to say she had just fallen asleep working, but for some reason she could not quite understand, she wanted him to know the truth. "I was waiting for you."

"For me? Why? What happened?"

Tonks' sleepy brain was having some trouble grasping what he was saying. Besides, her arms and back felt numb from sleeping for so long in that awkward position. She moved her shoulders, trying to get the blood running properly again.

"Nothing happened..."

"Did you need to tell me something?" Remus pressed on.

"Tell you... no! Oh, not at all..." why was this so hard for her to say and for him to understand. Maybe she really was too tired. "I was just waiting for you to come back. I wanted... I just wanted to make sure you were alright," she almost stuttered, feeling her cheeks burning red. She was too tired to morph the blush away.

Remus looked surprised for a fraction of a second. Then he smiled broadly.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Both looked at each other for a moment.

"Would you like something to eat?" she suddenly asked feeling a bit stupid.

"Don't worry. I'll just... I'll get something later."

"How was your shift?" _Why is it so hard for me just to keep quiet?_

"Uneventful."

"That's great," she said while trying to suppress a yawn. She was really tired; she would start to sound incoherent soon.

"Yes, I guess you could say that," Remus said with a smile. "How was the meeting?"

That finally made her brain realise what was going on.

"The meeting. Right, I almost forgot. For a moment there we though Sturgis was missing."

"Missing?"

"Yeah, you know, because he didn't came to the station this morning," she was now trying to massage her neck with one hand, "and the fact that nobody had seen him in about a week."

"That long...?" Remus asked thoughtful.

Tonks was sure he was trying to figure out when had been the last time he had seen Sturgis, just as everybody at the meeting had done mere hours ago.

"Mundungus was sent to his flat," she added. "I got his Patronus. The place was empty but there were signs Sturgis had been there not long ago, so probably he just went to do something else..."

The story still did not sound very convincing. Now that she had had some sleep and even though she had not woken up properly, new ideas were coming to her mind.

"It's odd though," she added.

"It is," Remus agreed pensively. "I know him from the last Order. Although he is not the quickest of wizards during a duel, he was never careless, nor the type to fail on checking in when he had to."

Tonks rubbed her eyes; under her fingers they felt puffy.

"You should go to bed," Remus said softly.

She shook her head in a futile attempt to wake up, but it was plain she was too tired.

"You're probably right," she finally admitted with a yawn.

"Come on," he said approaching her. "Let me take you home."

"Don't worry," she said, standing up and tripping with the table's leg. "I can Apparate."

"Hmm. Don't take this the wrong way, Tonks, but I rather side-Apparate you safely to your place. Sleepy as you are, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd splinched."

She wanted to retort, but she could see in his eyes that he was making fun of her in that very kind way of his. Besides, he was probably right and she had no objection of his accompanying her home.

"I've never splinched," she said, smiling, "but I wouldn't want this to be my first time either. Maybe I am too tired."

With a wave of her wand she rolled the parchments on the table rather carelessly and stuck them in her bag.

"Let's go then," he said, letting her pass in front of him. In silence, they walked through the silent hall and out the front door. The front steps looked blurred to Tonks and she wished there would be a way for them to Disapparate from inside headquarters.

Finally they reached the alley; Remus stretched his arm and Tonks took it, trying not to look too eager.

"Ready?" he asked.

She just nodded, before feeling herself pressed against nothingness.

_If Apparating could only be longer_, she thought a second later when she found herself outside her flat's door.

Reluctantly, she let go of Remus' arm. She was still wearing his cloak, Tonks could feel his scent on the soft material, the very scent that had woken her up, and wished she could keep it... and kept on holding to his arm. Taking a second longer than what was strictly necessary; she finally opened the door half regretting the mess inside.

"Thanks," she said walking in; taking the cloak off slowly, she handed it to him.

He looked at her for a moment, standing on the threshold, before putting it on.

"I should go home."

"Yeah," she said, trying to hide her disappointment, "you must be very tired."

"Yeah, I am," he said. "And you must get some rest too."

But he kept looking at her, without moving. For once Tonks remained quiet as well, waiting, hoping...

"Why were you waiting for me?" he finally asked her.

She took a deep breath.

"After we thought Sturgis could be compromised, I got restless. I wanted... I've told you already," she said with a hint of impatience. She was feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. "I needed to know you were alright. I... I really missed you tonight; I just wanted to see you," she ended with an almost inaudible whisper.

Again he looked confused for an instant, before beaming broadly.

"Nobody had ever waited up for me."

"I haven't," Tonks retorted, trying to regain the self-control she had just lost, overwhelmed by the conversation. "I felt asleep, remember?"

"That's not what I meant," he said softly, taking a step forward.

He was so close to her now, she could have touched him just by moving her hand a little bit.

"Well," he finally said, "good night... or good morning."

"Sleep well," she murmured, unable to take look away from his eyes.

"You too."

Calmly, he raised a hand and in what seemed like an eternity, he approached it to her cheek and caressed her with his thumb. Tonks closed her eyes at the soft touch; it felt like a feather.

He was closer now; she could feel his breath, the tip of his nose on hers, his eyelashes, his lips.

And they were kissing.


	62. The bright light of the early hours

The bright light of the morning's early hours was entering through her bedroom's windows. She lay over her patchwork quilt, wide awake now, trying to replay in her mind each every one of Remus' caresses, the way his lips had moved on hers, the tip of his thumb stroking her cheek. And then how both of them had came closer, deepening the kiss. He had placed his hands on her hips and she had put hers on his shoulders, almost unable to believe it was actually happening. For how could it be possible for them to be this close and for it all to feel so natural?

Tonks' smile was so wide it almost ached. She could not remember when had it been the last time she had felt this happy.

For a glorious moment there, she had forgotten so many unpleasant things. Did he had felt that wonderful sensation as well? There had been no Order, no Death Eaters, no missions, no Voldemort and no Lycanthropy, just them. Relieved, joyful in his arms, breathing his scent, she was sure there had been anything but themselves.

And after that glorious kiss, golden at the morning light, she had looked at Remus once more for a very long yet way too short moment, and now she all but wished she could always be as close to him as she had been then, as to recognise every shade of brown in those beautiful eyes. He looked really weary though and, despite it was plain that none of them wanted to let go, following another magnificent kiss and a promise to come back later, he had spun around and Dissapparated.

Tonks would never be ashamed to admit that after that she had ran towards her bedroom and had jumped into her bed, laughing out loud.

The memory made her chuckle again. Happy seemed such a short, decaf word to describe her feelings.

A soft tap in her window made her stand up hastily. There was a small owl, a little bit dishevelled, carrying a carefully folded piece of parchment. She could feel her heart pound faster and her knees go weak; she was sure who this note was from.

_I can't stop thinking of you._

It felt as a warm hug, as comforting as his cloak on her shoulders the day before, but much more intense. She felt as if those simple words would make her explode with joy.

Frantically looking around, she finally spotted a Muggle pen.

_You make me absurdly happy._

She wrote on another piece of parchment, tugging the first one in the back pocket of her pants.

After seeing the owl flying out, she jumped on the bed again, looking through the window at the cloudless sky. She imagined him going to his flat, although she had never been in the place before, and getting into bed, maybe smiling the way she was, and on that trail of thoughts, she finally fell asleep.

Too short a time later, another tapping at her window, this one much stronger, woke her up with a start. For a moment there she could not understand why she was feeling this oddly relaxed and pleased. The sight of the owl, although it was not the same one Remus had send, made her remember it all, and it was quite a beaming Tonks the one who opened the window.

It was a Ministry owl, she realised now, and for a split second she wished she could just slam the window shut at it and ignore the message.

_Urgent we meet at Auror's Headquarters. K. S._

Tonks groaned very audibly and the owl soared away. What a way to start what could be the perfect day, she thought, entering the shower. Her bad mood could not last long though, for images from mere hours ago kept coming in and she was smiling again when, fully dressed and ready to go, she decided to scribble yet another note to Remus.

_My job stinks, I've just been summoned. See you later._

She paused for a moment, her hand still grabbing the pan and hovering over the parchment. It sounded so impersonal... as if belonging to a past time, in which they were only colleagues, only friends. But how could she say at least a fraction of what she had in mind right now, in such a small letter.

Smiling impishly, she bent over the table again.

_I wish I still had last night's cloak on. I'm missing it, as well as its owner._

Poking her old owl awake with the back of her wand, she wondered briefly what would Remus make out of this. Reluctantly, and with an air of infinite contempt, the owl took the note and perched at the window.

"Get going then," Tonks commanded, and before the bird left she hastily added, more to herself, "and you better get used to that particular route."

There was unusual movement in the Aurors Headquarters for a Saturday morning. Not all of them had been summoned, but several faces in different states of grumpiness and sleepiness were entering and exiting cubicles.

"You'll report to Kingsley," Dawlish said to her the moment she entered the office.

"I know that already," Tonks muttered huffily, "and a very good morning to you!" she added calling over her shoulder.

He ignored her.

She sprinted to her colleague's office as fast as she could, desperate to finish whatever this might be.

Kingsley was taking rapid notes on several pieces of parchment and looked quite distressed.

"Wotcher!"

"Close the door," he said sternly.

Tonks could not help rolling her eyes at his tone, but obliged, casting a Muffliato on the walls just in case.

"What happened?"

Her superior looked up from his desk, he was looking terrible solemn.

"Why the heck are you beaming?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm not," Tonks said indignantly, but those fabulous memories that kept coming to her mind and the funny prickling on her cheeks seemed to be proving otherwise. "What's happening?" she asked again, trying to look most Auror-ish.

"Sturgis has been compromised."

He had done it, the smile was gone. For a second she felt as if the blood on her veins had frozen. Heavily, she sat on the chair in front of Kingsley's

"What do you mean-? He's been captured?" Tonks, remembering the meeting last night at Grimmauld Place had for a moment the feeling he had lost his marbles. "But I got Dung's Patronus yesterday, he said..."

"I know, I got it too."

"Then?"

"He was captured inside the Ministry the night before last, by the watchwizard, during his regular shift."

"While he was guarding...?"

Yet another stern look from Kingsley made her realised without needing to ask further questions.

"But... but...," Tonks brain was working at full speed now, "he could say he got a tip off, that he heard something funny, and was just checking outside the Department of-"

"The problem, Tonks, beside the fact that he is not a Ministry worker and therefore he had no business here whatsoever that late at night, is that he was not outside."

"Huh?"

"No," Kingsley said gravely, shaking his head. "He was found when trying to trespass the entrance to the Department of Mysteries."

She looked at him blankly. That did not make any sense at all.

"To trespass... But his orders, our orders were to... What the heck was he doing trying to get inside?"

"That's your new task, both for the Order and for the Auror's Department. Dawlish had been given the case-"

Tonks groaned... Dawlish, of all people.

"-so he will be the one interrogating Sturgis and gathering the proofs for the trial. You've gotten the background investigation; I've been tasked to command a couple of us and check on his place."

She looked blankly at him.

"What's going to happen to Sturgis?" she finally asked.

"Right now he's being held in a facility here at the Ministry. But," Kingsley rubbed his eyes before continuing. "If you ask me, I'd say they'll send him to Azkaban."

Tonks stared at him, eyes wide opened.

"Shite," she finally said.

"Indeed."

"So I have to find any kind of hints and..."

"And hide them well, of course. And make new ones up."

"Wait a sec," Tonks said again. "You said this happened the night before this one... why didn't they tell us yesterday."

"That's something we'll need to know as well."

Now it was official, she had never felt this overwhelmed in her life.

While gathering every piece of information on Sturgis she could find, every file, every record, and packing it all hastily in order to take it home, she was torn between last night memories and the seriousness of this new task.

How was it possible for one witch to feel this scared, tired, happy, hopeful, intrigued, disappointed, angry and exasperated at once?

Standing outside one of the fires at the ministry, heavily laden with a stack of files, she paused for a moment trying to decide what to do next. In her heart, the first priority was to see Remus, but it had not been that long since he had gone to rest so he probably would be still sleeping. Besides of the fact that she did not want her first time at his place to start by her showing up unannounced and bringing bad news. And loads of work. So it was her address she muttered to the bright green flames.

The minute she arrived home though, she decided he had slept enough. Her old owl was nowhere to be seen, but she did not care. Trying to choose her thoughts carefully, she pointed her wand at the empty space in front of her and produced a silvery light with her wand. The chameleon she was so fond of looked back at her for a moment, winked, and disappeared into nothingness.

Looking around at her messy flat she decided that, although Sturgis' case was indeed really urgent, she might as well get ready for other important and much more satisfying events in her personal life. Her wand still firmly clasped, she approached the piles of books and clothes lying in her small sitting room and, with a deep sigh, she started making things levitate through the flat and into their proper places.


	63. A muffled crack at her door

A muffled _crack _at the other side of her door made her jerk her head so quickly, she almost drop the empty glasses she was levitating towards the kitchen. The place was not as neat as she would have wanted it to be, but Tonks did not think she was to blame. He had taken almost no time at all, since she had sent him her Patronus, to show up at her door. That is, if it was indeed him.

She paused for an instant... the person who just Apparated outside seemed to have paused as well until, finally, she heard the knocks on the door.

_Why am I this agitated? It's the same Remus I've known all along!_

But deep down she knew that was not exactly right. He was the same Remus all right, but the situation was absolutely different and, if she was to be honest, she was somehow enjoying the fact that he _could_ make her this nervous.

Tonks opened the door, he was indeed there, smiling at her somehow sheepishly, and she felt her heart give several funny jumps.

First things first, though, and her training with Mad-Eye Moody had not gone wasted. With a quick movement, her wand was pointing at Remus' chest.

"What article of clothing did you give me yesterday?"

His smile broadened.

"That would be a cloak."

Tonks smiled at him and lowered her wand.

"And it wasn't yesterday," he added, entering her flat with one long stride, "I gave you my cloak earlier today."

"Right," she murmured, just before his hand cupped her cheek and his lips softly touched hers.

It was even better than the night before; more intense than any of her fantasies or memories, and it was the most wonderful of feelings to abandon herself to all those emotions.

"What kept you this long?" he asked between kisses, closing the door behind him with his foot.

"Hmm?" she had no idea what he was talking about, her brain seemed to be devoted to admire the softness of his lips on hers-

"Weren't you at the Ministry?"

It was extremely hard to make sense of any of the words for his hand was in the small of her back, pressing her closer to his body, and his tongue was doing precisely-

"Ministry… right."

"Ministry?" he asked, now kissing her neck.

"Yeah..."

She had to step back and breathe deeply. Remus was smiling at her mischievously.

"You're terrible," she said trying to look stern ans failing miserably.

"You're beautiful."

She looked at him for an instant. _Is he serious?_

She shook her head in a futile attempt to make her brain work; she had to explain the new situation.

"Remus, I need to tell you something."

He looked at her, frowning slightly.

"Something had happened," she added.

"You mean…?"

"At the Ministry, Sturgis got caught."

For a fraction of a second it seemed like Remus was… relieved? It did not last enough for Tonks to be sure however; he was now looking most concerned.

"What happened?"

"He was discovered by a watchwizard two nights ago. Now he's into custody, waiting for a trial. And I've gotten all this work to do on his background..."

For a fraction of a second, she doubted about what her body was suggesting her to do, until finally she gave in. Taking a deep breath, she took his hand and pulled him gently into the kitchen, taking another small moment to enjoy the fact that now it was not awkward for them to hold hands if they fell like it.

The stack of files from the Ministry was on the table. Just on entering she paused, quickly turning to face him. Despite the gravity of the matters they were facing, she had had another idea, accompanied by a sudden impulse, and she wanted to test the extent of the possibilities it offered.

"What-?" Remus started.

Her kiss drowned his question. It was quick, almost feather-light, but the fact that she _could_ kiss him now, thrilled her.

"I'll tell you all about it," she went on smiling broadly. "And I might need your help."

* * *

"So you say…"

"It's the only possible way, don't you think?"

"Alright," Remus leaned back on the wooden chair, pensively, "let's develop that possible scenario. Somehow he gets noticed. Death Eaters figure out he's outside the Department of Mysteries."

"Which won't be odd. Supposedly, they all want to get in there. So, in such an attempt, one of them might have seen him, or more likely heard him since he was invisible, or even trip on him!"

"With or without Sturgis noticing it."

"Not the tripping, but yeah, they might have heard him and he wouldn't have noticed it."

"So, they put him under the Imperius Curse, and direct him to go and retrieve the prophecy. But he fought the Curse anyways, at least for a fortnight. Until that night two days ago, when he finally tried to enter the Department of Mysteries."

"And both fortunately and unfortunately, he gets caught." Tonks finished triumphantly; her theory seemed to fit alright.

"Indeed," Remus agreed, reaching forward to take her hand into his. She smiled a different sort of smile; despite of the events spinning around them it seemed that such a small gesture was the center of her universe.

"If he had not been caught," he continued, "he couldn't have been able to actually try to take it the prophecy. He would be in a terrible state by now."

"Good news is, Voldemort doesn't know that yet. He doesn't know he's the only one besides Harry who can actually hold the thing without danger. Otherwise he wouldn't have tried it. For him, Sturgis' attempt was just a waste of time."

"Let's hope he won't find out."

Tonks looked at him with a small smile. Working with Remus was as comfortable and easy as ever, but this new proximity made reviewing the files quite a pleasant experience. Her sitting in front of him, her hand being caressed by his, somehow made it all not as grave as it should be. Maybe it was irresponsible to feel this way, but she did not care for the time being.

"What are you going to report to Dawlish?" Remus asked, taking his hand off hers and making her jump out of her reverie.

"I'm... I'm not sure," she said giving the stack of files a small pat. "The Only thing compromising in here is the fact that he was part of the early Order of the Phoenix. But still that fact doesn't reveal anything _per se_, does it?"

"Hmmm," Remus looked at the files, as if he could x-ray them. "I guess it all depends on Sturgis now. On how much does he discloses during his interrogation."

"Do you think he will speak of us?"

"I don't think so, no. We need to pass him a convincing story to say, though. Nothing too elaborate."

"Well," Tonks said, getting up to put the files away. "He could always say he had no idea of what was he doing there," she said over her shoulder, on her way to the living room. "He had been Imperiused after all; there is no need to mention the Order."

"Fudge suspects, though," she heard him called while she was stuffing the files on her bag.

"What?" she popped her head back inside the kitchen. "How can you tell?"

Remus stood up and approached her.

"At first it could just look like a trespass with no further consequences," he explained. "Something the Law Enforcement Squad could manage on its own, right?"

"Yes…"

His proximity, again, was making it difficult for her to concentrate, when almost every muscle of her body wanted to reach out and hug him.

"So, why make the Aurors come in? And 24 hours after the incident?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She had the wild impression he was testing as well how did it felt to be allowed to touch her, just because he felt like it. "I think it's because, after one night of reflection, the name Podmore finally rang a bell and he connected it all to Dumbledore."

Tonks sighed.

"You're probably right."

Both looked at each other for a moment; Tonks wandered briefly if it would always be this way, his proximity making everything seem less terrible, as if illuminating it all with a calming new light.

"Come here," he hugged her and she took a deep breath of his scent.

She smiled against his shoulder.

"You scared me at first," he murmured after a moment, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Because of Sturgis?"

"Not because of him, no."

He seemed to be struggling with an idea that was difficult for him to communicate. She looked up at his eyes, placing her hands around his neck.

"Remus?"

He smiled at her, but he looked a bit worried nonetheless.

"When you said you needed to talk to me. For a moment there, I thought you were having second thoughts."

Tonks frowned slightly.

"About what?"

"About this," he said, separating his arms a little and pointing with his chin to their embrace. "About us."

_Now this is an absurd idea!_

"Why would I?" she asked indignantly.

Remus breathed deeply.

"Tonks," he replied hoarsely, "I… are you sure you want to do this?"

She frowned slightly, trying to understand the whole extent of his question.

"'Course I am. Why shouldn't I?"

He sighed.

"I don't think you've realised what implies to be with me. I'm a werewolf."

"I know that," she gave his neck a small squeeze. "I don't care."

"You did care not long ago."

"Remus," she said letting him go. _Will he ever forget it? _"I was mistaken, I've told you that."

"You have, and I believe you." He approached her again, placing his hands on her hips. "But have you really understood what it implies? For you? As a werewolf I'm dangerous, to say the least, it could be... terrible for you. Not to mention I'm close to a pariah for everybody out there. Besides I'm too old, too-"

"Stop, stop it right there," she said, placing the tip of her fingers on his lips. "First of all, do I seem to be the type who cares about what everybody out there might think? And don't you think I've already thought about the full moon? You might be dangerous once a month, but I won't be stupid enough to cross your path when that happens. And so you know, I could make you Wolfsbane potion if you'd let me. And for the record, you're not old so take that stupid idea out of your head. "

He started saying something but she drowned his words.

"I'm serious about this," she continued, softly now, but with conviction in every word.

Slowly, he took her hand and placed a soft kiss on his fingertips.

"Good," he murmured hoarsely, approaching to her lips. "I am too."

Again she felt amazed at the softness of the kiss and how sweet and intense it was at the same time. It was not only what happened when their tongues touched, or the way he was softly biting her lower lip, but every inch of her body, every part of her was trembling pleasantly under the caresses of Remus' soft hands.

He was kissing her neck now, tracing paths up and down with his lips, slowly stroking her back. She wanted to touch him as well, to feel his skin and muscles, to get as close to him as possible. Without interrupting the kiss, he started walking towards the living room, directing her by the hips; she had a better idea, though, and grabbing his arms, she walked him towards her bedroom, tripping clumsily against the door frame.

"Careful," he murmured at her ear, kissing it softly and sending shivers down her spine.

She chuckled and reached his neck with her lips; it was wonderful to feel him breathing heavily at her touch. Without being much conscious of her surroundings she felt the edge of her mattress against the back of her legs; Remus was pushing her gently, kissing her again, and with a sigh of absolute satisfaction, she surrendered to this new stream of feelings.


	64. A soft hand stroking her hip

A soft hand stroking her hip made her open her eyes. She was not sure for how long had she been sleeping, or even if she had actually fallen asleep. All her mind and senses were full with Remus' presence at her side, his body hugging her own, his warm skin against hers, his hands tracing paths with the tips of his fingers.

Moving her head a little she saw crimson light entering through her window, it was almost dusk. How long had they-? She could not even make the question inside her head, so she just smiled and turned to see him better.

"Wotcher."

Remus was smiling in a way she would have never thought possible. Tonks had seen him smile before in many different manners, she now knew by heart: the slight twitch at the corners of his lips accompanied by bright eyes, the mischievous grin he used specially when bantering with Sirius, the slightly smug smile he so seldom displayed during Order meetings, and that soft one he had present her with from time to time, since that occasion in which she had kissed him on the cheek, not so long ago.

This one was something entirely different, or maybe a combination of them all. And she could all but wish to be the one who would always make Remus Lupin smile that way.

"Hello," he murmured, his head on the pillow at just centimetres from hers.

She raised a hand and carefully caressed the side of his face. His smile broadened at her touch.

"You're amazing," she said.

He chuckled.

"I was about to say the same about you."

"I said it first," she said, sticking out her tongue playfully.

As a response, Remus leaned forward and kissed her.

After an infinite, and yet too shot moment, he drew back, without taking his eyes of hers. Tonks could tell though, for the new light in his gaze that he was thinking about something else.

"Can I ask you something?" he finally muttered.

"You just have," she said, with an impish smile, stretching under the blankets.

He chuckled softly and she thought that was the sweetest sound on earth.

"Very funny, miss Tonks."

Tonks beamed at him.

"Are you going to ask?"

He took a lock of blue hair on his fingers playfully, though she could see something was worrying him. Gradually, she was learning to just wait for him to speak.

"Earlier... I don't even know if it was hours or days ago!" he chuckled again. "Anyway, you said you could brew Wolfsbane potion?"

"'Course I can. Part of it due to the fact that I got an O in my potions N.E.W.T. and, of course, some of that Auror training had something to do too."

"Show off." He frowned, but she could tell the smile was lingering at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah, a little," she replied, leaning forward to kiss him again.

"So," he spoke again "Would you brew it for me?"

She tried to concentrate for counting the days in her head. Since when had she been this aware of mooncharts?

"I could..." she said slowly. "But I would have to start it right away. Full moon is in 7 days from today and you're due to your first dose."

"You've done your homework," he said smiling and cupping her cheek.

"Well," she replied in mock seriousness, "I'm sort of interested in werewolves' subjects."

"Is that so?... But you don't have to worry this time; I've got Snape brewing it for me. However I was wondering if you could do it for next month."

"'Course I can. Whatever it takes to rescue you from having to deal with Snivellus."

"You have been talking to Sirius," he said rolling his eyes.

"Yup," she nodded. "He's been telling me a lot of amusing stories about a certain group of marauders at Hogwarts some years ago."

"Whatever it was, he was exaggerating," Remus hastened to say.

"That's too bad. In Sirius' stories he usually depicts you as the hero of the day,"

Remus laughed out loud this vaguely wondered what her cousin would say if he knew what she and his school friend had been up to lately.

"Of course I was."

Both stayed silent for a while.

Although Tonks was thrilled to see him in such a good mood, her thoughts, which had been floating on a sea of pleasant sensations and recent memories, were now going back to images she would rather forget. The mention of the potion had make her recall the painful transformation of young Fenrir, the werewolf she had to confront during her training, the mental images of what suffering of the man lying next to her must be.

"How long does it takes, Remus?," she finally asked, not sure how to speak with him about it. "How long will you be... away?"

He shifted a little, apparently wanting to see her more clearly.

"I know that the transformation itself only lasts one night," Tonks added. "Will you be away? And then, when will you be back?"

"It's not about being transformed," he said slowly. "Not when I've taken the potion. Then I'm just like any other wolf... No, I'm more like a very calm, domestic wolf, and, as you say, it lasts only one night... or as long as the full moon, to be accurate. The thing is that, even in that circumstance, the shape shifting is painful."

She looked at her fingernails pensively for a moment. Of all the things she had read about her particular way of shape shifting, and in all her life's experiences, the word painful had never come across.

He seemed to have read her thoughts.

"It's absolutely different from what you are able to do. Your body is especially made for morphing; it's in your essence. Mine... mine is being forced once a month to do some serious shifting it is not prepared for. Lycanthropy is a curse and, as such, it's not supposed to be easy, nor fun."

He smiled and Tonks could see he was trying to lighten up the conversation. She smiled back at him, despite her horrid thoughts, and stroked his hair softly, without saying a word but wishing she could give him whatever it was that she had that made her own transformations painless.

"So," he continued, "the recovery might take a couple of days. Sore muscles, headaches, maybe a scar or two... I'll stay at Grimmauld Place, Sirius could keep me company."

"I wish there was something I could do."

"I've told you," he hastily said. "You could brew my potion."

"About the pain, I mean."

"That's what I'm talking about. What I've just explained to you is nothing, nothing at all, compared to what it could be if I don't take Wolfsbane. Not to mention the potential danger I am for everyone around. If you indeed have made your homework, my dear," he said tugging another blue lock of Tonks' hair, "you know that it is in the nature of werewolves to bit and hurt... and at the lack of proper prey, we tend to hurt ourselves. The potion prevents me from doing so."

He closed the distance between him and Tonks, and gave her a soft kiss on her frown. Despite his would-be reassuring tone, she was growing more worried by the minute but she had no idea of how to voice her thoughts without worrying him as well.

"Which brings me to another thing," he said after a while.

"Hm?"

"I need you to promise me something."

Tonks rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Why do I feel I'm not gonna like this?"

"That's because you're absurd," he answered smiling.

She raised one bluish eyebrow.

"Go on then."

"I want you to promise that, if for any reason I fail to take the potion, even one dose-"

"You won't, I'll make it for you and I'll be there to make sure you'll take it."

Remus cupped her face gently.

"Tonks, listen to me. You can't control that all the time. What if you're on a mission, or I'm on a mission or something we can't foresee happens?"

She had to nod despite how much she did not like what she was hering. He was right.

"If something like that would happen," he went on, "I'll do whatever I usually do when I haven't taken the potion: I'll Apparate somewhere remote, away from people, and wait for the full moon to pass. Now, I want you to promise me that, if that were the case, you would not come after me, under any circumstances."

She considered it for a long moment. It all sounded logical, but somewhere she could sense there was something faulty.

"I don't know, Remus. What if-?"

"Tonks," he looked at her with a grave expression, "there can't be any room for 'what if's' in this scenario. I need your word on this one."

Thinking abstractly, she tried to imagine what could possibly happen that would make her go after a transformed werewolf and she could not see any. But then again, they were not discussing any random dangerous werewolf; they were talking about the same Remus that was now stoking her forearm.

"All right," she said grumpily. "I guess I can't get off this one, can I?"

"Nope," he said smiling. "I really need to be sure that you won't be in harm's way because of me."

"I'm in harm's way anyway," Tonks retorted, knowing that that particular argument would not lead them anywhere. She was stubborn, but she was beginning to suspect the man in front of her was even more so.

"Let's reduce the possibilities then, shall we?"

"All right," she repeated.

His smile broadened and he leaned forward, yet again, to place another kiss on her lips.

"I have bad news for you," he said after a moment.

"What is it?" she asked, fearing of another more imaginary rules of behaviour while being with a transformed werewolf.

"There's an Order meeting in 5 minutes."


	65. Darn you, Dawlish

_September 9__th_

_Darn you, Dawlish,_ Tonks recurrent thought of the evening came again while climbing up the steps outside number 12, Grimmauld Place. She had wished for the entire afternoon that she could just ignore him or, a tad more radically, hex the daylights out of him. Too bad that hexing collegues was against Aurors' code of conduct.

She jerked the door opened and stormed through the hall, colliding with the umbrella stand and falling head first into the dusty carpet.

"Bollocks!"

The black curtain at the wall opened, as if it had just been waiting for something like this to happen.

"FILTH! MUDBLOODS! FREAKS! BEFOULING THE HOUSE OF MY ANCESTERS!"

"Tonks!" Sirius yelled in exasperation over her mother's screams. He had climbed up the steps from the kitchen and now he was shooting stunning spells at every picture in the corridor, all of them awoken by Mrs. Black and screaming as well.

"I'm sorry," she muttered grumpily, standing up and hastening to try to close back the curtains.

Finally they managed to shut up all their ancestors and, panting, headed down the stairs to the kitchen. It was empty and Tonks groaned loudly. Looking unnecessarily out the window, she glared at the enormous full moon, as if it, Walburga Black and Dawlish had been conspiring against her. It was too late now.

"Where is everybody?" she snapped at her cousin, who had just resumed his seat and seemed eager to continue with the _Daily Prophet _crossword.

"I'm here," he said without taking his eyes off the page.

Tonks rolled her eyes impatiently. She had not time for this.

"I meant the others."

"You offend me, little cousin," he replied. "Am I not good enough for you?"

"Hardly," she answered. "Where are the others, then?"

Faking a deep sigh of contempt Sirius looked at her.

"If you _must_ know, Arthur and Molly are back at the Burrow, thank you very much, and the others have no reason whatsoever to be here tonight."

Tonks tapped the floor with her boot impatiently. She knew he was purposely avoiding the very person she was asking for, and she did not want to admit it to him, but it seemed that she had no choice.

"And... and Remus?" she said so low it was almost a whisper.

He looked at her again, and now his expression was sombre; his arms had gone rigid and he seemed to be analysing her quite thoroughly.

"Why?"

"I wanted to talk to him."

"What for?"

"Personal reasons."

Sirius seemed to be doing his best to look neutral and yet, his hands were now clutching the wooden surface of the kitchen table.

"Why now?"

"That's none of your business," she answered with all the dignity she could muster.

Sirius stayed quiet for a while, and then he sighed again, this time for real.

"I thought you'd given him a break on that stuff," he said, more to himself, with a combination of sadness and anger.

"On what stuff?"

He finally stood up and approached her.

"If you _must_ now, he's upstairs. Transformed. A werewolf. 'Cause today's full moon."

"I know that alright! I'm not blind!" she said, pointing at the window with her finger while considering Sirius as an important member of that imaginary conspirators' squad that had been plotting against her the whole day.

He looked deathly stern though, and remained silenced again for a moment. When he finally spoke, it seemed like every word was costing him a tremendous effort.

"I'll have to ask you to get out of my house."

It was as if he had hit her with a frying pan right at the back of her head.

"What?"

"Out. I won't have any more of this... of you having issues with Remus because of what he is. I'm through with it," he added, grabbing his wand and pointing it, almost casually, at Tonks. Coolly, he spoke again. "And I'm asking Dumbledore to task you somewhere else and to limit your visits to indispensible Order meetings!"

_Did he actually think I'm here to-?_

"Are you mad, Sirius? You're not understanding-"

"Maybe this is Headquarters, maybe this is for the Order but it is also my house and I refuse to witness this rubbish anymore!" he started to yell. "And I don't care if we're family just as I don't care I'm related to Bellatrix Lestrange."

"Are you comparing me to Bellatrix Lestrange?" now it was her turn to yell at him, and with a swift movement she drew out her wand as well.

"You're behaving just as she does! I thought you'd changed your mind! I though all that research made you understand! Just because he's different from you or me, it doesn't give you the right to-"

"You're not getting it! I'm not here to do anything to him!"

He was not listening at all, and his yell drowned hers.

"He's my mate! He's a good man! And I'm tired of this shit!"

"I LOVE HIM!"

The silence around them was thick and rang around them. Sirius let his wand fall and the small noise of it hitting the stone floor was almost hidden by their heavy breathing. Both of them were panting, and looking at each other but, while Tonks' gaze was fiery, Sirius looked flabbergasted.

It took her a long minute to realise what she had just said.

_I love him_.

Those three words continued repeating themselves inside her head. She had not thought them consciously, she had not been ready for them and above it all, she had not wanted to say them out loud.

Sirius was frowning at her now, but he did not look angry any more. Just utterly confused.

"You..." he finally said hoarsely.

She pulled a chair with her foot and sat down heavily, burying her head in her arms.

_I love Remus. I don't just fancy him... I'm in love with him!_

She could feel she was smiling broadly without being able to stop it. There was a warm glow inside her chest, an urge to laugh out loud, shivers running down her spine, a need to go upstairs and see him, to tell everybody that she was in love.

"Tonks?" Sirius called softly.

She raised her head, noticing that she was also blushed, but she did not care. Her cousin was smiling softly, yet he still had a confused expression. Looking at the strange predicament she had gotten into, and feeling this sudden happiness inside her, caused by her own realisation, she started giggling.

"What do you mean you love him? Are you in love with Remus?" he asked.

Her smile broadened as she fought to contain her laughter.

"Yes... yes I am."

"So, you're not here to...?"

"I'm here because I want to know if he's alright. I wanted to see him earlier, before his transformation, but I got delayed at the office and I came in too late. But I'll... I'll stay. I need to be around."

Sirius smile was now as bright as hers.

"Does he know?"

"Of course he does... I mean..."

_Does he? No, as a matter of fact, he's not aware of that particular 'love' thing._

Tonks sighed. This was definitely not the way she would have want her feelings to be exposed.

"We are together if that's what you're asking," she said cautiously.

"You're... what?" Sirius looked thunderstruck. "And why am I the last person to find out here? I thought you still hated him."

"You've made that point clear a minute ago," she replied harshly, indignation suddenly boiling inside her. He had, indeed, talked to her in a horrible way.

"I'm sorry, Tonksie," he hastened to say, taking a sit right next to her. "I just thought..."

"It turns out you are the one loaded with prejudices around here," she interrupted him with a vindictive smile.

He smiled at her as well.

"Never mind that," he dismissed her. "You and Remus..."

"Drop it," she said, summoning a bottle of Butterbeer from the counter. "How is he?"

"Hairy."

"Sirius, please, be serious just for once!"

"I'm always Si- all right, all right," he hurried to say after glimpsing her impatient glare. "He is fine, he always is. And even though I hate Snivellus, I must admit that Wolfsbane is really, really useful."

"He is here, then?"

"Snivellus? No, he went ages ago, good riddance."

"I meant Remus," Tonks said, rolling her eyes and feeling she could just hex Sirius any time now.

"I told you already, he's upstairs."

"And why aren't you with him?" she asked huffily.

"What am I, his nanny?" he replied using the same tone.

"He told me you'd keep him company."

"And so I did," he said, grabbing a bottle of Butterbeer as well. "But it's terribly boring to sit next to a sleeping werewolf, so I came here."

"He's asleep? Can I-?"

"No, you can't go. Even though he's supposed to be harmless, he wouldn't want you, or anybody, to go and see him like that, and he would never forgive me if I'd let you," his jaw was set and, from his expression, Tonks realised arguing would be of no use. She settled with sighing heavily.

"So, what can I do?"

Sirius looked thoughtful for an instant.

"Well, you could sit here and keep me company while telling me every nasty little detail about you and Remus."

Tonks rolled her eyes at him.

"There is nothing for you to do, Tonks," he added in a more stern tone. "You just have to wait 'till morning. And I suggest you get some rest too, you look horrible."

* * *

Although she had swore to herself that she would spend the night awake, waiting for Remus' transformation to be over, she had finally fallen asleep, yet again, on the kitchen table. A soft weight on her knee made her raise her head instantly and reach for her wand. A large black dog was sitting next to her, waiving his tail and with a sort of self-satisfied expression. A moment later, Sirius was standing on the very same spot.

"It's finished. You can go upstairs now."

She did not need him to tell her twice. Standing up and tumbling her chair loudly on the floor, she ran towards the stairs and climbed the steps two at the time. She suspected he would be in the room he sometimes used while staying at Headquarters and she was not mistaken.

Panting a little, she stood at the threshold, not sure of what to do next. The door was ajar and she could distinguish Remus lying on the bed, covered with blankets. He seemed to be asleep and she was not sure if she should approach him and wake him up. It was not necessary though.

"Hello," came his hoarse voice from the bed, although he had not looked at her.

"Hi," she said, approaching him.

He finally opened his eyes and smiled at her. He looked quite tired and ill, as if he had not had enough sleep or food for over a week. Tonks approached the side of his bead, trying to remember other times in which she could have seen him after a full moon during an Order meeting. _Did he always look this worn off?_

She could not remember.

"How do you feel?"

"Wonderful," he murmured, stretching a hand and taking hers.

Softly he pulled her towards him and she finally sat on the border of the bed.

"You're a terrible liar, Remus Lupin," she said, trying to sound serious but realising she was failing.

"Don't you believe me?" he replied arching an eyebrow. "Do I look so horrible?"

"You look very handsome," she said, "but... tired."

He chuckled softly and pulled her again, making her head rest on his chest. She wanted to be as light as a feather, he did look weak and she did not want to be an additional weight on him.

"I meant that, though. I'm feeling wonderful," he whispered, stroking her hair.

"Hm?" she murmured, "how so?"

"Here I am, a harmless old werewolf, enjoying waking up with his wonderful girlfriend. I've never felt better after a transformation in my life."

Tonks jerked her head up to look at his eyes. They were bright and that wonderful new smile of his was displayed in his weary features.

"Really?"

"Absolutely," he confirmed, softly caressing her cheek with the tip of his finger.

Closing the gap between them, she kissed him.

"And you've just made it even better," Remus added, closing his eyes in satisfaction.

Tonks replaced her head on his chest and both stayed silent for a long moment. She was enjoying deeply the raising of his body with every breath and the sound of his heart on her ear. After a while she thought he had fallen asleep but suddenly he spoke again.

"Incidentally..."

"Yeah?" she asked.

"What have you and Sirius been talking about?"

Tonks felt her cheeks burn and gave a soft chuckle.

"Why?" she tried to sound innocent.

"Well... he did ask a lot of questions about my night activities while I'm not transformed... and he also wanted to know what I think about his baby cousin."

"I'm not a bab-" she started indignantly.

"And finally I had to tell him I was too tired for puzzles and he just said he was going to fetch you."

Tonks looked up at him.

"Oh well..." she started. "There was kind of a misunderstanding last night, and I had to do some explaining. And, in the process, I might have said one or two things..."

His gaze upon her was intense and she both wished to look away and to stay like that forever. She kept her eyes fixed on his, though, realising that she could not do differently.

"Such as?"

"I love you," she finally said.

Remus' eyes opened wide in surprise for an instant and then the widest of smiles spread on his lined face. Gently cupping her face he kissed her and Tonks felt her whole body trembling slightly. Vaguely she wandered if his kisses would always have that kind of effect on her.

Drawing back a little and looking at her eyes again, his hoarse whisper was barely audible.

"I love you too."


	66. It was with more vigour than necessary

_October 5__th_

_Clunk_

It was with more vigour than necessary that Tonks placed her cauldron on the kitchen counter. The sound made Sirius, Molly and Arthur startle but she did not raise her head up. Since this was the fourth time she had been doing this, she was getting accustomed to the would-be reassuring glances from Sirius and his empty words of encouragement. This time the presence of the Weasleys, who had just being informed that, from that month on, she would be brewing Remus' potion, only made it all far worse. Although they had made every possible effort to hide it, the expressions of disbelieve and fear had been clearly visible in both faces.

They were back at the Burrow, living there since the kids had gone to school, but it was not strange for the Weasleys to show up at number 12, Grimmauld Place for dinner and Tonks strongly suspected that, in despite of all the bantering between Molly and her cousin, her maternal instincts were winning over and now she was trying to be kind with him.

She did not need their presence now though, she thought unkindly, while carefully measuring the exact amount of aconite she would need and feeling everybody's surreptitious looks at what she was doing. She had waited until dinner was over, hoping that the Weasleys would go home and give her enough time to brew the potion before Remus came back from his shift. They had not, for Molly was taking what seemed like an unnecessary large amount of time to wash the dishes, and Tonks could not wait any longer to start with it.

On the whole, she was grateful that at least Remus was away. He had expressed uncountable times his absolute trust on her potion-brewing abilities. Nonetheless, she was positive that his being there would only make things worse for her and consequently for him.

After all, if badly brewed, Wolfsbane could be a poison. And that particular thought kept haunting Tonks' dreams, turning them into nightmares, to the point she had wandered more than once if she had indeed made a wise move when offering to brew the potion for him.

Lost on that very grim train of thoughts while focusing on the liquid concocting in front of her, she barely listened to the conversation and it was not until Remus opened the door and entered the kitchen that she raised her eyes from the cauldron.

"Everything all right?" Arthur asked after his general greeting.

"Uneventful," he said, crossing the kitchen to give Tonks a soft kiss on the cheek. "You look tired," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm fine," she hastily said, looking at the potion inside the cauldron.

Bluish smoke was emerging from it, a clear sign that it was ready. Just in time. With the tip of her wand she extinguished the flames and then she summoned a cup from the kitchen drawer.

"It's ready, Remus," Tonks added making every effort to sound cheerful. "Bottoms up!"

He made an exaggerated grimace of disgust and she finally chuckled.

"No honey on it?" he asked unnecessarily, filling the cup with the smoking liquid.

"Nope, and no chocolate either. But I could try and add it next time. I might get the Order of Merlin, First Class, for being the witch who managed to make Wolfsbane enjoyable."

At her back, Molly laughed softly and the atmosphere relaxed considerably.

"So, what have you been up to these days?" Arthur was asking Remus, when the muffled sound of the front door closing made them all jump a little.

"Are you expecting anybody?" Molly asked softly.

"No," Sirius said, drawing his wand.

"'llo" a husky voice said from the other side of the door. "It's me."

"Dung!" Sirius called, "come in."

And inside came... a witch wearing a thick, black veil, clutching a dirty handbag and crouching a little.

"Mundungus?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah, it's me," he answered, unbuttoning the veil and revealing the familiar droopy eyes and badly shaven face.

"Why on earth are you wearing that?" Tonks said trying hard to suppress a chortle.

"Jus' came back from 'Ogsmeade," Mundungus said as if everything would be explained with that sentence; he took a sit heavily and reached for some leftovers on the table.

"So?"

"So I'm stationed there, aren't I? To check on Harry. He got 'Ogsmeade weekend today and I was there, keepin' an eye on them kids."

"But why are you wearing a veil?" Tonks asked again, now making no efforts whatsoever on hiding her laughter.

"I was banned for the 'Og's 'Ead ages ago. And that Aberforth would remember. Can't show up now, can I?"

"I see," Arthur muttered with an ill-hidden chuckle.

"The witch disguise is good as them Invisibility Cloaks," he added defensively. "I use it a lot."

Tonks kept laughing and was now joined by Sirius.

"Looking good anyway, mate." The latter said.

"Not funny," Mundungus muttered. "But I have funny news for y'all."

"What happened?" Remus asked with a small grunt. He had just finished her potion and was frowning in disgust at the empty cup. "And what were you doing at the Hog's Head?"

"Was followin' those kids, wasn't I?"

"And what on earth were _they_ doing there?" Molly asked outraged.

"Recruitin'," Mundungus answered between bites, as if it was the most normal thing for Hogwarts students to do on a Hogsmeade weekend. "Formin' an army agains' that old toad Umbridge."

"They were what?" Arthur spluttered.

"Already told ya," Dung replied impatiently. "They've formed a group, right? To learn Defence against the Dark Arts, but it's forbidden, isn't it? They're not allowed. So they're doing it in hiding. And them all seem to wanna fight Umbridge."

"Have they absolutely lost their minds?" Molly said fuming. "What about keeping their heads down and behaving and not getting into trouble and-?"

"I think it's genius," Sirius said looking proud. "Just what we would've done if we-"

"They'll be expelled," Molly continued ignoring him. "I'm sending Ron a Howler!"

"No you're not," Arthur said firmly. "Molly, dear, stop for a moment and think. I bet there's no real proof they had formed this organisation or we would have hear of it already, and all communication inside and out the school is being watched. They _will_ expel them for sure if you as much as write him about it, lest of all, scream it for the whole Great Hall to hear it!"

She sat down heavily.

"I know... I know... but they can't-"

"We'll talk to them, Molly," Sirius said calmly.

"Sorry?" Tonks asked, "How?"

"I've done it before, using their Common Room's fireplace."

"Umbridge might be watching that too," Remus said.

"I know, but I reckon it's worth the risk," Sirius replied. "I told Harry last I've spoken to them, I'd send word the next time I could show up there, so, I'll just send him an owl right away and I'll meet him later tonight."

"No, I don't think that would be wise," Remus said. "Let's wait a couple of days. If she has found out about the kids' meeting, and she probably has, she will keep her eyes open for something like that."

"What about the day after tomorrow, then?" Sirius asked.

"I can't," Molly said. I've got guard duty.

"Don't worry, I'll pass on your message," Sirius said, and looking at her incredulous expression he added, "honestly, Molly, I will! I'll tell Ron not to take part of it."

"Tell him that. On no account whatsoever he is to take part in an illegal secret Defence Against the Dark Arts group," Sirius nodded, and Molly carried on. "He will be expelled for sure... and his future will be ruined."

"Do you want me to write it all down?" he asked but she ignored him.

"And tell him there will be plenty of time to learn how to defend himself later and that he is too young to be worrying about that right now anyway."

"Plenty of time later, too young, all right, Molly, I swear I tell him."

"And the others too," she added.

"And the others too," Sirius repeated mechanically.

"Even though I don't have authority over either of them... just tell them that I'm only having the best interests at heart."

"All right Molly, this will do," Arthur said and Tonks was sure Sirius had sighed in relief.

She was also convinced he was not entirely convinced of the task tough, and wondered what was her cousin's real reason for wanting to talk to Harry. Giving him some tips for further fighting, probably.

"It's settled then," Arthur said. "And we should go home, Molly, and let these people have some rest."

His wife did not look very happy with the solution but obliged nonetheless, taking off the grey apron with the Black family crest embroided on it she had been wearing to cook that evening.

Tonks tried to hide her sigh of relief. As much as she enjoyed Molly and Arthur's company, and despite of the fact that Mundungus news had managed to distract her from the whole Wolfsbane brewing issue, she was looking forward to finally be with Remus and get some rest.

_Three more doses to go_, she thought while waving Arthur, Molly and Mundungus good bye.

It was nice though, to feel Remus' reassuring hand half-hugging her from behind.

_It will be all right._


	67. Practically bouncing off the walls

_October 8th_

It was hard to tell which of them was more agitated.

Tonks paced the room practically bouncing off the walls, while conjuring sparks with her wand. It was childish and she knew it, but she could not help it and Sirius, shifting into his Animagus form and back every half an hour or so, was not helping!

"Will you stop that?" she finally exploded at her cousin.

Barking indignantly he morphed back to human.

"What?" his would-be casual tone could not fool anybody.

"That! Stop turning into a dog!"

"Well then, stop pacing around!"

"I can't help it! It's the first time I've... I mean, I've already brew the potion before but not like this... not as if..."

Failing to find the words that would express the chaos inside her mind she produced a fresh flow of red sparks from the tip of her wand.

"Tonks, Tonks, stop it. You're going to set headquarters on fire." Sirius walked towards her and took the wand off her grip. "Just breath, all right? I told you, he's fine, he's sleeping."

"But what if in the middle of the night the potion just stops working and he gets all... all..." words were failing her and it all was so terribly annoying, "wolfish!"

Sirius, her wand still in his hand, put both hands on her shoulders. "Tonks, stop it! I've seen you brew that thing and let me tell you, honestly, I've never seen anybody as careful as you are while measuring ingredients and putting them in the proper order."

"Sirius, I'm the clumsiest witch on earth, how could you possible trust that I've done this right?"

He shrugged.

"I just do. There is not a hint of clumsiness in you when you're brewing all those doses of Wolfsbane."

"But what if..." she had to say it out loud. She had to share her fears with somebody. "What If I've messed it up? What if it kills him? What if I kill him?"

"You won't Tonksie, really, you won't! The worst part is over and I've told you, he's all right."

"But..."

"How likely would it be for the potion to stop working in the middle of the full moon?" he continued, not letting her protest. "Have you actually read about something like that ever happening?"

She had to admit she had not.

"He will be fine. In a few hours he will be awake again, human, and you will be able to see for yourself that he's the same old Remus. He is going to be all right."

"You sure?" she said, raising both green eyebrows and hoping he was earnest.

"I am."

She sighed heavily and then reached for a bottle of Butterbeer.

"Look at you," her cousins' voice made her look at him. He seemed to be torn between amusement and pride.

"Look at me what? Enjoying seeing me in this state?"

"Nope," he said. "Just enjoying the way you're making old Moony happy. And... I'm also enjoying seen you all soft for a dark creature."

"Oh, belt up!"

As an only answer, he sniggered.

He had a point, though. She say down heavily and took a large sip off her bottle. If only time would go quicker... it was past midnight and they still had many hours to go. How was she supposed to go through it?

She stood up again, and resumed her pacing, forgetting that it would just unnerve Sirius.

"Would you take me for a walk then?" he suddenly asked.

"You!" Tonks turned around so quickly she tripped with the chair she had just vacated and half of the contents of the bottle were shut to the walls. She felt her head prickling ad was sure that her hair was turning fiery red. "You manipulating mongrel! You are not sure of any of the things you've just told me; you want me to be happy in order to take you out when you perfectly well know that it is out of the question!"

"This has nothing to do with what I said. I meant it, seriously. But that's not the point... I'm dying in here, Tonks!" Sirius said with desperation in his voice0.

"I know, and I'm sorry, but after what happened in Kings Cross last month... Lucius Malfoy recognised you!"

"No he didn't," Sirius said, with that stubborn expression Tonks was used to see in her family members, "it was just a coincidence."

"A coincidence that the _Daily Prophet _decided to publish that you were in London mere days after you'd been seen at the Platform? Pettigrew talked, he described you, and now every Death Eater knows how you look like when transformed," she said talking as if he were a small boy who had to be convinced that it was bed time.

"Maybe he did but... listen to me. I just can't be in here any longer. I've been locked up for 12 years, for Merlin's sake, and now it's almost the same!"

"It's not-"

"It is, Tonksie," Sirius repeated. "You don't know what it was like, being imprisoned in Azkaban. The place... the cell was-"

"I know what the cell was," she interrupted abruptly. "I've been there."

Sirius looked at her for a long moment, he seemed to be beyond words.

"When?" he finally said. "I don't remember..."

"You wouldn't. It happened after you escaped," she replied with a flat voice, recalling the small enclosed space, the tall window, and specially the small carvings on the wall. "I was tasked to do a recollection, Moody took me."

Sirius kept looking at her and finally he muttered, with a hint of triumph in his voice.

"So you know..."

Tonks sighed.

"So I know." She looked at his cousin handsome eyes and knew that the battle was lost. "All right, I'll take you out. I couldn't stand waiting in here for Remus' transformation to finish anyway!"

Sirius was not there any more, in his place, the shabby black dog was waiving his tale frantically.

"You go upstairs and check on him before, or I'm not taking you anywhere."

As quick as a dog could climb stairs, Sirius was out of sight.

Tonks rolled her eyes and, taking her cloak, she sprinted to the door.

* * *

"I've never side-Apparated a dog before," she muttered looking at the enormous black dog at her side.

They had just taken a few paces outside, when she got struck by an idea both dangerous and genial. It was very late and they would be probably asleep, but this was an opportunity that might not present itself in the future.

"I know exactly where should I tell you."

The dog gave her a quizzical look.

"I guess I'll have to carry you in my arms then. Come on!" she said, walking to the alley they usually used as Apparition point. Stretching her arms in front of her, she looked at the dog, "Up!"

She did not expect it, and the weight of the big animal almost made her fall and she felt her wand slipping through her fingers. She managed to catch it just in time without dropping the heavy dog.

"You should get on a diet, you fatty mongrel."

Sirius gave an indignant huff and licked her face.

"Eww! I don't know why I am bothering," she finally muttered before spinning on the spot and Dissapparating.

The familiar living room greeted her with the sight of the comfortable armchairs and the too-well known smells coming from everywhere in the darkness. Without further ceremony, she let the dog fall to the floor. He looked at her reproachful and then he froze, looking around intently, taking in his surroundings. She turned on the lights with a flicker of her wand and headed to the stairs. She needed to wake them up.

Tonks could distinctly hear a whimper as the dog circled the room, recognising.

"You wait here, all right?" she told him.

"Dora!" a muffled voice called, "Dear, is that you?"

"Over here, Mum!" she called back.

Andromeda entered the room and rushed to hug her.

"I'm sorry it's so late," Tonks said.

"Nonsense." It had been quite a long time since she had last seen her mother, she thought while hugging her back, and anticipating what would come next, she smiled widely. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." She could not help but thinking about Remus, transformed at Grimmauld Place, and wished that she would be able to still say that in the morning.

"You've gotten a dog now?" her mother asked, spotting Sirius who was gazing at her intently.

"Not exactly," Tonks smiled.

The dog whimpered.

"You be quiet," she added, and then she spoke to her mother again. "You have to promise you won't talk about this to anybody... anybody but Dad, maybe. Where is he, by the way?"

"Still asleep."

"Oh, all right. So, yeah, promise not to tell..."

"Dora, what is it?"

"Mother, I need your word, 'cause we're breaking a ton of rules here and this could get very nasty if discovered."

"Nimphadora, are you in trouble?" her mother raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms on her chest. The resemblance with Sirius almost made Tonks laugh out loud.

"Not yet," she said with a wink, "and I hope I won't be. Now promise?"

Andromeda looked both at her daughter and the dog, which seemed strangely solemn.

"All right then, I promise."

The dog gave another whimper and Tonks smiled at him.

"You heard her, now do your thing."

And in front of their eyes the dog morphed back into Sirius, smiling broadly.

It was not frequent for Tonks to see her mother speechless. And now, instead of finding her voice, she just looked at her lost cousin for an instant before hugging him, sobbing quietly in his shoulder.

"S'all right, Andromeda," Sirius muttered hoarsely, patting her back.

Tonks' mother gave a watery chuckle.

"I can't believe it," she finally whispered, drawing back and holding Sirius at arms' length. "It's you! You look-"

"Handsome as usual, I know."

"Silly as usual," Tonks interjected.

Her mother looked at her and tried to hug both of them at the same time.

"Ouch, Mum! There's no need to strangle us!"

"You shut up," she said sobbing again and letting her go. "Thank you," she added with a whisper.

"Yeah, no prob," she said, "I had to take the dog out anyways."

Andromeda chuckled, still looking at Sirius as if she could not believe what she was seeing, and with a hurried gesture she dried the tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes.

"Listen," Tonks spoke again, "I'll give you two hours to catch up. Then we have to go back, otherwise it will be on both our sorry arses."

"Language, Nymphadora," her mother said mechanically, but smiling nonetheless, and showed Sirius to the kitchen.

* * *

_This has been a day for hugging, _was the only thought she could produce after being trapped in Sirius' arms back at Grimmauld place. It had felt nice tough, make it possible for them to meet again and get to see his and her mothers' expressions.

"Thanks," Sirius muttered.

"Don't mention it."

Although happy she had felt about her impromptu family meeting, and the relief that, besides Remus, Headquarters were empty and their escape had not being noticed, there was no room in her head for any of that anymore.

Right after arriving back, Sirius, without regaining his human shape, has sprinted upstairs. A long moment later he had came back down the kitchen, and had informed her that Remus was all right, awake even, but that she was not, under any circumstance, going upstairs to see him. She realised he was starting to know her just too well.

Finally it was almost dawn; that wretched full moon was giving room to a cloudy, yet luminous morning.

She looked hopefully at the flight of dusty steps, all but wishing she could go upstairs and check on Remus.

He gave her a well-too knowing smile.

"It's almost time. Do you want me to go and check for you?"

"Look at you so chivalrous all of a sudden," she tried to make fun at him, despite her anxiety. "I'll take you to see my mother more often then."

"You do that," he said, before turning into the black dog again and sprinting in the direction of Remus' room.

Tonks could hear his paws against the wooden floor upstairs… for once she wished she could trade her Metamorphmagi abilities and be an Animagus. There was an audible whimpering and a door opening and closing. Without being able to stay put, she climbed the stairs as well.

Remus' door was closed and there was not a sound coming from inside. Not being able to stay put, Tonks started pacing the small corridor up and down.

_What if I came in, stunning anything that moves?_ Was the only wild idea she could produce.

The handle of the door twisted and she hold her breath.

A black dog hurried out and down the stairs without so much as glimpse at her. She took it as an indication to go inside and, with shaky hands she opened finished opening the door.

It was hard to notice anything... anything but Remus hugging her and kissing her, and whispering at her ear:

"I'm all right, you did it... I'm all right."


	68. With the eyes of the outsider

_Autumn 1995_

Looking at the scene in front of her with the eyes of the outsider, Tonks was shocked with the thoughts that were popping into her head.

_I wish I could have something like this one day._

This all was so different from her present life, it seemed like it had been taken from a different universe, one full with colours, noise, laughter, and above it all, a distinct atmosphere of tranquillity she now realised her life lacked.

It was precisely _that_ which made her current task the more difficult.

"We'll be right with you," Atticus had said, carrying two brown bags full with groceries into the kitchen, while Lilica talked their little girl Aldyth into taking a bath and putting on her nightshirt.

She had arrived just minutes earlier than them and had waited for a bit outside the door. She almost did not recognise her school friends when they arrived, heavily loaded with shopping bags, carrying a very tired little girl and happily chatting.

After offering her help and hearing them refusing it insistently, Tonks was now waiting for them in the sitting room. Before accommodating on the sofa, she had had to move a rubber duck, a stuffed teddy bear and a colouring book, which she was now watching distractedly. Aldyth was less than two years old and so the pages of the book were rich in bright colours and poor in painting skills.

Tonks smiled softly and wandered what would feel like to have a small daughter.

She shook her head energetically. Where were these wacky thoughts coming from? She was an Auror and, even more, a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Babies were absolutely out of the question, there was just not room nor time for them in her agitated life.

But her imagination was heading ahead of her and for a flashing moment, the image of Remus holding a tiny baby in his arms filled her thoughts.

She continued shaking her head, as if that way she could get rid of all that silliness.

"You feeling all right?" Atticus asked, looking at her.

"Huh?" Tonks stopped blushing slightly. "Yeah fine."

"Wanna Butterbeer?"

"Sure, thanks."

He drew out his wand and with a casual movement summoned two bottles of Butterbeer from the kitchen, while taking a sit on an armchair in front of her; he had to vacate it first from what seemed like a lump of kids' robes. Tonks took her beer eagerly and drunk a generous amount of it, looking for a courage that she felt was abandoning her.

"Cheers!" Atticus said brightly, giving his bottle a tiny movement towards Tonks and drinking as well.

She looked at him for a moment. From inside of the apartment the sounds of Lilica preparing Aldyth for bed were quite distinguishable. Tonks remembered that the last time she had been there, their daughter had been just a newborn baby; that idea made her somewhat sad.

"I'm the worst friend in history, At," she said sheepishly.

"No, you're not," he smiled at her, "but you might be the busiest one."

"I should have come more often during the past year and there is no excuse..."

"Tonks, take it easy, all right? I bet that with all that Auror stuff going on, you've hardly had time for any social visits."

She nodded while taking another gulp of beer.

"As a matter of fact, Atticus... this isn't even a social visit," she uttered.

He raised a blond eyebrow, amused.

"Really? You're not here to arrest me, are you? 'Cause I swear all that Firewhisky bottles in the kitchen are filled with baby formula."

Tonks chuckled despite herself.

"Don't be a prat."

"Too late," he smiled again.

She felt silent. She had not yet gathered up the words to talk to them about the reason she was there and, there was no point of talking about it anyways until Lilica came. After all, it concerned her more than Atticus.

"So what is it then?" he asked again.

"I'd rather... it would be better if Lilica hears this too."

Atticus scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"Bad news?"

"Sort of," Tonks nodded, draining what was left from her bottle.

"Meanwhile," he spoke again after a short while, trying to sound cheerful again, "you could tell me what's up with you."

She smiled a little. That was just like him.

"Not much," she said, "chasing dark wizards and all that stuff. And... well, I'm kind of dating somebody."

"Really?" Atticus eyebrows raised and disappeared under his fringe. "What's he like?"

Tonks smiled to herself; it was quite difficult to describe Remus on a nutshell.

"Look at you al flushed and twinkly eyed!" he said before she could speak. "He must be a very decent bloke."

"He is," she nodded, "he's wonderful."

"Who's wonderful?" Lilica finally was entering the room.

She carefully closed the door and sat besides her husband.

"Tonksie's new boyfriend," Atticus said grinning.

"Who is this person?" Lilica asked curious.

"Oh he is..." Tonks thought desperately, "somebody I knew at a meeting... a friend of a relative."

Both her friends nodded, still smiling, and Tonks had to force her thoughts into the right direction. She was here on a mission after all, and this sudden changing of subjects was not helping her.

"Listen; there is something I've got to tell you. Something serious," she hastily added, before any of them could ask any more questions about Remus.

"All right," Lilica said slowly. "Is this something to do with..."

"Death Eaters are after you," she blurted.

Both looked at her for a long moment. This had not come out the way she had planed it at all.

"What do you mean after us," Atticus finally said indignantly. "We've never have..."

"It's not exactly _you_ they are looking for," she said. "It's your family, Lilica."

"Mine?" she sounded outraged. "How on earth...?"

"Is you father still working at Gringotts?"

"Yeah he is, but what has that do with _us_?"

"Listen to me, please. I know this is all bad news but you have to listen to me. I've been... doing some investigations. Not inside the Ministry, but... on my own, sort of..."

Atticus and Lilica looked more confused by the second.

"...so," she continued, "I was trailing known Death Eaters and I came across this list... is a recruiting list. It has names on it, from wizarding families. And I have no idea why would they want to recruit the Bletchleys... your family, I mean," she said, nodding at Lilica's direction, "but I think it has something to do with your dad working at Gringotts. We- I know for a fact that they are trying to approach the goblins but they haven't been lucky until now. So, he could be useful to them, you know?"

They were not confused anymore; they looked utterly thunderstruck.

"So you're saying..." Atticus started.

"You have to go away. There is no alternative. All of you: your parents, Lilica, your brothers, and you all."

"Why?" she asked, looking around as is their tiny flat would disappear in front of her eyes.

"Because I know how this works. They won't take no as an answer and if they can't find your parents, they will come after you."

"Isn't there something the Ministry could do? Something to protect us?" Atticus voice now was ringing with indignation.

"That's the thing," Tonks muttered softly. "The Ministry has no idea... They will deny the whole thing, they won't accept that Death Eaters are recruiting again because that would be like accepting Vol-," perhaps the use of the name would be too much for them, "You-Know-Who's back. I've told you, I've been doing this investigation on my own."

Lilica talked again, and there was no hint of a friendly gesture in her anymore.

"So, let me get this straight. You come over here, with a fairytale story about Death Eaters – who are supposed to be disbanded by now – wanting to recruit my family – which hasn't had anything to do with them ever – and kill us all if we refuse, on the orders of You-Know-Who, who we know is gone?"

"He's back," she said, slightly scared of this unknown side of her school mate.

"Where's the proof?"

"There isn't any. We have testimonies of people who saw him come back."

"Potter?" she asked scornfully, "Harry Potter? He's mental. It's all over the place that he and Dumbledore are out of their rockets!"

"He's not, and I believe that-"

"Do you realise what you-?"

"Hey, hey," Atticus cut across what was turning into a yelling match, "Calm down," both women looked at him. "Isn't it possible, Tonks, and I'm saying this as a friend... isn't it possible that all that paranoia Moody is so famous of has somehow affected your judgement?"

"He is a freak, I agree," she said indignantly, "but this has nothing to do with him. Listen, I've seen proof, I've listened to Death Eaters' conversations. I know we all hate to think about this but... but he is back." This time she spoke looking directly at Lilica's eyes.

She looked at Atticus, as if searching reassurance. He hugged her, but said nothing.

"And now..." Lilica whispered, "What do we do? Do we have to just... leave everything we have behind, our house, our friends, our jobs?"

"I'm afraid so," Tonks said gravely. "And quickly. We don't know when they will come."

"But where?" Atticus said, "we don't know anybody abroad..."

"As a matter of fact we do," Tonks said with a small smile. "If you'd agree, I've arranged for all of you to go to Romania... Charlie's there and he had been... helping us- er... me, with this private investigation. He could help you settle if you want to... or," she added hastily, "we could make other arrangements."

Lilica and Atticus looked at each other again, lost in some kind of silent communication. Then, without further ado, she stormed outside the living room. The last thing Tonks could hear from her was a muffled sob.

"All right," Atticus spoke in a businesslike manner. "Romania it is. We have to talk to Lilica's family..."

"There is no need," Tonks prompted. "A friend of mine is talking to her parents as we speak."

Atticus raised his eyebrows again.

"How many people are in this 'private investigation' thing anyway?"

"A handful," Tonks smiled. "But you can't tell anybody."

"I don't speak Romanian."


	69. She was dozing off

Tonks 69

She was dozing off, her head resting on Remus' knees. He was deep in concentration reading a book on Dumbledore's defeat of Grindelwald and from time to time he stroked her green curls distractedly. To have a quiet evening for them was a rare treat and they were trying to enjoy just being together.

When the golden flame erupted in mid-air just to vanish less than a second later, Tonks thought resignedly that it had been too good to last.

Shuffling a little while trying to stand up, she managed to grab a small piece of parchment that seemed to had come from inside the flame. The note was quite brief.

_Arthur has been seriously injured. Go meet Kingsley at the Ministry. Be careful not to be seen._

She felt as if the blood in her veins had thickened and a shiver run down her spine. Silently Remus stood up as well and read the note from over her shoulder. He was starting to talk when a silver light entered through the window and a plump hen talked with Molly Weasley's voice.

"Please meet me at St. Mungo's, Remus."

Without pausing, both of them rushed to grab their cloaks.

"What d'you reckon happened?" Tonks called while putting on her boots.

"No idea," he answered. "Let's hope-"

"He's not too bad," Tonks completed his sentence.

"And that he hadn't been found by the Ministry."

She shivered and trying not to think about it, she approached her fire place, pointing at it with her wand. The bright light of the conjured fire casted long shadows all around and sharpened Remus' worried look.

"I'll send word as soon as I can," she said taking a cardboard box full with a green powder from over the mantelpiece.

Remus moved towards her ad placed a kiss on her temple.

"Be safe," both of them muttered and throwing a handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace, she stepped inside. The soft noise of Remus Dissapparating was the last thing she heard before starting to spin.

* * *

Trying very carefully to be absolutely quiet, but with an excuse ready nonetheless just in case somebody asked her what the devil she was doing inside the Ministry of Magic so late, Tonks walked down the corridor towards Aurors Headquarters. The deep voice of Kingsley carried along the empty offices her and she approached his, which was the only one with the lights on. Two wizards in navy blue robes were talking to her colleague, their backs turned to her. The moment he saw her, he talked over what one of the wizards was saying.

"Tonks, finally! Come in."

She entered, looking at both men that looked back at her, slightly uncomfortable. She recognised them now, she had seen them working at the Ministry and she was certain they were from the Magical Maintenance staff.

"You will tell your story to Auror Tonks here," Kingsley said to them, and then, turning to Tonks he added in a barely audible whisper, "They are the ones who found him. Contact me when you're over."

As he went out the office, and without the two men noticing it, he clearly formed with his lips the words _Obliviate them_. She nodded and took his sit at the table. Summoning two chairs form the office next door she indicated the two men to take a sit.

Tonks had never interrogated a suspect on her own before, bus she hastily put that thought aside. There would be no time for training now; she just had to do what was to be done.

"Would you tell me your names, please?"

"Reg Cattermole," said the shorter of them.

"Bernie Pillsworth," added the other one.

She tried to compose her expression to look both reassuring and respectful.

"Well, gentlemen, please tell me your story."

The men looked at each other as to decide who would have to talk first. Finally Pillsworth started speaking.

"We- we were ending our shift in the Atrium. About to go home, you see... and- and we heard a voice. We heard him scream."

"The portrait," added Cattermole, "there are a bunch of them everywhere, but they don't usually scream. This one was calling for anybody who'd listen. It wasn't normal."

"So we went to see what was disturbing him. And he said he'd heard noises."

"What kind of noises? Tonks asked.

"He wouldn't say," answered Pillsworth, "and we thought he was yanking our wands, them portraits do that sometimes."

"Not this one, though. Former Hogwarts Headmaster and all. And he insisted," said the other.

"So I said to Reg we should go and check for ourselves, 'cause Munch was upstairs and we didn't want to go and fetch him."

"'Bit stupid he is," the man called Reg said.

Guessing they were talking about the security wizard Eric Much, Tonks almost chuckled out loud despite of the graveness of the situation.

"And then?" she asked trying to keep her voice steady.

"We found him, Arthur," Reg said in a whisper. "Covered in blood."

She had to suppress a grimace of horror.

"He had a lot of wounds and we didn't know what to do. I wanted to alert somebody but Cattermole here wouldn't hear about it."

"'Cause, you know," Reg Cattermole whispered again, stuttering a little, "Podmore got into leads of trouble, when he was found at that very same door. We don't want Arthur to get chucked to Azkaban too, he's a nice fellow."

"He's very decent, yeah," Pillsworth nodded, "so I agreed and we took him to St. Mungo's and... well, you know... we found Auror Kingsley there."

"He said it was a lucky coincidence he had found us carrying Arthur... he said he wasn't going to be in any trouble, we wouldn't either, but he wanted us to come back and tell what had happened."

Tonks nodded.

"You did well," she said, thinking that it was a very good thing that she was going to erase those memories from them. "Didn't you see anything else? Another wizard, a creature?"

"Nothing," said Pillsworth.

"We hadn't time to check," Cattermole added defensively, "we had to hurry, Arthur was losing too much blood."

"I understand," she said thoughtfully.

_What had caused the injuries on Arthur Weasley? Why was he 'covered in blood'?_ She guessed Kingsley would be downstairs at that very moment, trying to answer precisely whose questions.

"Thank you very much, gentlemen," she added, and drawing her wand casually, she pointed them at both men, "_Obliviate!_"

Both looked confused at each other for a moment and then at Tonks.

"Thank you very much for sorting out my office, Cattermole, Pillsworth." She nodded at each of them in turn. "It's late, you should go home. I'll be off soon too."

Still looking puzzled, they turned around and exited the office.

Tonks sighed deeply. Even though she had had plenty of answers, none of them actually told her what had happened to Arthur Weasley. She lingered for a moment, waiting for more instructions while trying to make up her mind on what to do next. She had almost decided that it would be best for her just to go home when Kingsley re-entered the office.

"So?" both asked at the same time.

"There was nothing down there," Kingsley said shaking his head slowly. "But of course, whatever it was had plenty of time to go away."

"They say they didn't see a thing when they found Arthur," Tonks added. "How come you were at St. Mungo's at precisely the right time?"

"Dumbledore sent me a message. He told me to go there straight away. I went in just seconds before they did."

"And how did he know?"

"Beats me," Kingsley said.

"Cattermole and Pillsworth said it was a portrait that alerted them. A portrait of a Headmaster of Hogwarts," Tonks added.

"So he surely had it from Dumbledore as well."

"What do we do now?" she asked almost anticipating his answer.

"We go find that portrait," Kingsley finally said.

"What about the security-?"

"Oh," her colleague said lightly with an uncharacteristically mischievous smile, "he's fast asleep and will remain so for a while."


	70. 1996 Carrying several scrolls

January 13th

Carrying several scrolls of parchment, Tonks walked towards her cubicle. It would not be long now, just two extra reports on her last pointless missions and she would be free to go home. The missions had been a mistake to begin with. Rufus Scrimgeour had finally agreed that she should be part of the search of Sirius Black, and as such, she had been sent to follow several fake hints of his possible whereabouts, while knowing perfectly well that her cousin was comfortably sitting in front of the fire at number 12 Grimmauld Place. Not that she could do a thing with that information, but it infuriated her nonetheless.

Hurried footsteps coming from ahead made her stop in her tracks. The Ministry was almost deserted, so the noise against the stone floor felt like thundering. From the corner in front of her a figure was approaching, covered in a cloak that seemed to be dripping wet, and limping a little.

Without so much as a glance at her, the man passed too near and made some of Tonks' load to drop to the corridor floor.

"Hey!" she called after him in protest, but he continued walking swiftly.

Suddenly he stopped and limped back in her direction. She froze; he was looking frightened beyond speech. Now Tonks could see who it was.

"Robarts? What is-?"

"Where's Fudge?" he demanded harshly.

"At home, isn't he? He doesn't come on Sat-"

"Not at home," her colleague spoke again. "They told me he's here. Got to see him!" There was panic in the Auror's voice.

"What happened?"

"I can't tell you... you'll" he hesitated and then, resumed his walking towards the end of the corridor. "You'll find out soon enough!" he called after her.

For an instant, Tonks stood quite still trying to make up her mind. It was risky, but Robarts agitation had put her on guard. Maybe this was precisely the moment to do something risky. Carefully vanishing the rolls of parchment, she hastened, following the path of her fellow Auror. There was only one place where he could have gone: Fudge office.

She knew from her own experience trying to eavesdrop on possible important conversations, to pass on to the Order, that Fudge's door was always unperturbed. Even so, she was counting on the possibility that, in his agitation, both Robarts and Fudge would forget to put on the enchantment this time.

Rummaging in an inside pocket of her cloak, she felt the fleshy string inside it while hurrying as silently as possible towards the door. Just as she had expected, it was ajar; Robarts urgent voice was audible, but Tonks could not make the words. Beaming to herself and mentally thanking the Weasley twins, she took the Extendable Ear from her pocket and let it slither into the office.

Her victorious smile vanished almost immediately to be replaced with a grimace of horror. The sound of the first words she could make out made her heart stop for an instant.

"-breakout from Azkaban?"

Fudge's voice was loaded with outrage and incredulity.

"Yes, Minister, a massive breakout!" The urge in Robarts' voice made Tonks shiver. "I've just Apparated from there... it's... it's a mess!"

_Is he serious?_

"Who escaped?"

"The Lestranges, Bellatrix and Rodolphus," the feeling of pure terror made Tonks miss most of the rest of the names. "-the Carrows, Dolohov and... and Rookwood."

_Bellatrix is at large again_. She had to make an incredible effort to stand steady; her knees seemed to have loss all strength.

"But how?" Fudge's voice seemed to echo her thoughts.

"I... well... the Dementors, Minister," the Auror stuttered a little.

"What about them?" the Minister snapped.

"They are no longer in our control." Robarts voice was now almost a whisper.

"What do you mean they are no longer in our control?"

"I don't know how did it happened, sir. It's... it's the only possible explanation. They tried to attack us, alongside with the Death Eaters. They came together, and snatched the confiscated wands and their belongings... We didn't see it coming, how could we?" Robarts voice was now urgent. "We trusted them... and there were only five or six Hit-Wizards, and Smith and myself. When I could Dissapparate to rise the alarm, they... they had already killed two of us. There was nothing we could have done."

Tonks gripped the string in her ear more tightly, pressing her body against the wall.

_It is happening. Finally. He will have to admit it now._

"-Sirius Black," Fudge was saying and she forced herself to pay closer attention.

"Black, Minister?" Robarts asked with a puzzled voice.

"He must be behind it..." The Minister's voice was thoughtful and barely audible. "Listen to me, Robarts: nobody, no-one must know that we are no longer in control of the Dementors in Azkaban."

Both wizards stayed silent for a moment. Finally the Auror spoke.

"But, sir, surely it would be much safer if the community knew-"

"The wizarding community," Fudge cut across pompously and then continued in a much softer voice, "is perfectly fine and safe not knowing about this. If... if this gets out it would only produce panic. Sheer panic, Robarts!"

"But... but what about the breakout."

"We'll blame it on Black." Fudge replied promptly. "He was probably behind it anyway, so there is not much to lose. We will inform the escape of those prisoners, but there is no need for us to tell about... about the Dementors, nor the deaths."

There was another silence, this time much longer. Finally Robarts spoke again, his voice firm.

"I can't get along with this, Minister, I'm sorry."

"And what do you mean by that?" The Minister's silky voice sounded dangerous.

"Two Hit-Wizards have been killed, two of my companions! The Dementors are not longer under our control. Ten Death Eaters are at large! And I don't see how hiding all this would do any-"

"There are a lot of things you don't see Robarts!" Fudge shouted impatiently.

"Maybe. But, with all due respect, Minister, so do you. I won't be part of this, sir."

There was another silence, disrupted just by the soft sounds of low movements.

"_Obliviate!_"

Tonks felt as if the blood inside her veins had frozen. _Did Fudge actually-?_

"Thank you very much for your information, Auror Robarts," he spoke calmly. "Now, would you please send an owl to Percy Weasley? He has to contact the Daily Prophet; I wish to make a statement."

"Yes, Minister," the Auror replied in a flat voice.

Tonks had barely enough time to hide in the shadows outside Fudge's office before he came out. His expression was vacant and he limped down the corridor without as much as a look back.

"Contact the Muggle Prime Minister," came Fudge's voice from inside the office.

She did not need to listen to any of this any further. Walking carefully, she reached the Atrium and got into one of the fireplaces. Despite the urgency of the message she had to deliver, she could not risk being seen doing anything fishy inside the Ministry. Not after what had happened to her fellow Auror.

Finally stepping outside the fireplace at her flat, she drew out her wand, concentrating on the thoughts she had to put inside the silvery chameleon. The small figure looked at her and winked, as it usually did, before disappearing in a jet of light. She could swear though, that her Patronus looked as worried as she was feeling.

"Tonks?" Remus' voice coming from the kitchen made her startle and then, sigh with relief.

Stumbling a little she made her way towards him and collapsed into his outstretched arms.

"What is it?" he asked concerned.

"It's started. The war has begun."

* * *

**AN: Thanks a LOT to the ones who left those great reviews! ascerbic (thanks a lot for the spotting of that shameful tyiping mistake), krynn, dinosoprano, xTomMarvoloRiddleX, Miriflowers, Furionknight, a little Wicked, Zelbethia, shadowfornothing14, edwardfiend, felixlee14, mrsharryjamespotter, Ams7eL, SharkGirl22262, Peace-bookluva, BellaMissieCullen and Star Ash Myst.**

**Cheers!**


	71. How absurd it is

_How absurd it is to do this kind of job precisely now! Ten escaped Death Eaters and here I am, doing nothing, hiding for nothing, waiting for nothing!_

Tonks shifted her weight a little, she was uncomfortable, hiding in the shadows of some bushes despite the protection of the Disillusionment Charm she had just casted on herself, and above it all feeling that this was a complete waste of time considering the current situation.

Of all the inconsistent tip offs they had have lately both for the Order of the Phoenix and the Aurors, this seemed to be the less likely to conduct anybody anywhere. And because of that, she had been sent alone. It was plain that Scrimgeour had thought it was almost not worth the fuss to send anybody, so he had sent the less useful Auror they had according to his own standards; Tonks knew it and resented it. She was sure the tip off was useless too, but she would have appreciated a companion nonetheless. At least it would not be that boring that way.

She was not sure if she had done anything useful in the last days, but she had evidently done something, even if it had been running from one place to another, absolutely incapable of settling down. Now Tonks had been forced, for the first time in almost three weeks, to stay put in one place other than the corridor leading to the Department of Mysteries.

The news of the escaped Death Eaters had run fast and wide, and even though no-body inside the Ministry seemed to know the details of what happened that day in Azkaban, every department and office had been tasked with a number of activities aimed to find them and bring them back. Tonks could hardly avoid scorning at the Memo she had found on her desk the Monday after the breakout. Why it did always seemed that the Ministry was one minute too late on everything?

The deaths of the two Hit-Wizards had been informed, but their location at the time, and the circumstances had been hushed up and, maybe due to the general fear that was almost breathable inside the Ministry, nobody seemed too keen to be asking questions.

Inside the Order of the Phoenix, though, the reaction had been exactly the opposite. The emergency meeting called by Tonks' chameleon had congregated almost every member, except for the teachers at Hogwarts and Mad-Eye Moody, who had been guarding the Prophecy.

Tonks shifted her weight again, and looked around for the millionth time trying to spot... something; a sign, a small movement, anything that would tell her that this was not a waste of time. Her surroundings were absolutely calm except for the chirping of some birds on a nearby tree.

She huffed audibly. '_Bellatrix Lestrange will meet Rockwood at the outskirts of Little Hangleton'._ _As if Death Eaters would parade around such suspicious locations, for Merlin's sake!_

Her mind wandered back to that emergency meeting. It still gave her a funny feeling, a combination of fear, anxiety and even a little bit of excitement, accompanied by a chill on her back.

When she and Remus entered Headquarters, Dumbledore had been already there. He had come, after all, leaving MacGonagall in charge of the school. Before they could go further inside the house, she asked her to speak with him privately; he had debriefed her hastily then, due to impatience or to check on the importance of the story, Tonks did not know. Less than two minutes later it was over and both of them had entered the kitchen of number 12, Grimmauld Place, where everybody was gathered.

Before starting to speak, Tonks paused for a minute to look at each person. She had not ordered her Patronus to tell what had happened, so they had no idea what this was about, but they were worried, to say the least. When she finally talked, she kept looking mostly at Remus, for reassurance, and at Dumbledore, for confidence. It might sound strange, but having to tell news like those was far worse than she had expected. On her silly childhood fantasies, to be the centre of attention in a situation like this would have been something enjoyable; later on it was with a sense of wished superiority that she pictured herself lecturing other imaginary Aurors, younger than her, about something that only she would know.

How could reality be so much different? The only feelings she was conscious to have had were weak knees and fear. And even a bit of guilt for bringing this horrible peace of reality to the otherwise peaceful Saturdays of her fellow Order members.

The good thing had been that not everybody had been surprised by the news; the possibility of a breakout from Azkaban had been already discussed in previous meetings. That did not diminish the consequences though, and they all knew it.

That one had been a memorably long meeting. Tonks was bombarded with questions, most of which she could not answer, and plans and schemes had been made, discussed and reviewed. When Moody came to Headquarters to check in after his guard duty almost half of the Order members were still there, considering further scenarios and plans. His presence only made it all last much longer.

Tonks sighed again. She was cold and bored, and convinced that she could be much more useful anywhere else. The sun was setting, and a pearly white full moon was already visible on the clear sky. She tired to remember not much long ago when she obliviously used to like full moons. Now it just made her think about Remus. He would be probable shut in his room right now, already having drunk his last dose of Wolfsbane potion made by her. Tonks wished she could be at Headquarters, even though she would not me able to be with him.

A soft sound not far from her spot made her stand still and rigid, looking around yet another time. It could, of course, be somebody from the nearby village walking down the path. It sounded just like a dry branch cracking under somebody's feet… and also just like somebody Apparating.

Tonks carefully pointed her wand to the approximate direction from which the noise had come. There was nothing there, just the deserted dirty road and some bushes. For a long moment she waited, listening intently. The lack of sound was odd though, it was as if even the birds had gone quiet; something seemed to be wrong.

It all happened so fast it she had barely time to cast her Shielding Charm. A tall, broad shoulder bloke appeared from the road aiming curses in her direction. The force of it made her stumble a little but she stood on her ground.

A high pitched laugh at her back made her try to turn around, even if she knew she would be exposed to her attacker.

"_Crucio!_" the spell was accompanied by that same maniac laughter.

She fell into the ground in a pain that was beyond anything she had ever felt. Her muscles were stretching and shrinking, her bones seemed about to crack, and she could hardly distinguish the features if the tall witch that was now pointing her wand at her.

_So it was true. _ She thought stupidly while refreshed waves of pain crushed her body.


	72. Crucio

"_Crucio!_"

For a second time Bellatrix Lestrange pointed her wand at her and shouted the course, and yet she had not asked a single question. Among the almost unbearable pain Tonks' head was filling with unanswered questions. She also realised that the Disillusionment Charm had worn off, and she had not bother to morph into any disguise, so she felt terribly exposed.

When the pain finally ceased, she made what seemed like an almost inhuman effort and stood up, facing her attacker. The other man was standing next to Bellatrix and Tonks recognized now who he was. Augustus Rookwood alone was bad news; the two of them together looked like the worst nightmare imaginable.

"What do we have here?" Rookwood asked, looking at Tonks with a very unpleasant grimace.

"A sneak by the looks of it," Bellatrix sneered. "Who are you?" she snapped at Tonks.

She clenched her teeth together and fought to stand on her trembling knees. Bellatrix gave a couple of strides in her direction, she was very close now. Tonks looked straight into her eyes, now trying hard not to give up, not even to her gaze. She could not help thinking, though, that despite the many years in Azkaban and the almost maniac expression, the resemblance of her features with her mothers' was remarkable.

"You're an Auror," Bellatrix said softly, pointing at her robes, "a very young and stupid Auror."

At her back Rookwood gave a soft laugh.

"So it worked, then. Those Aurors have always been thick. You give them information of any kind and make them believe it was so hard to obtain, and they will go after it!"

But Bellatrix did not seem to be listening to him. Her gaze fixed in Tonks' brown eyes, she circled her, slowly, her wand pointing at her chest.

"You can't be," she murmured.

Tonks blinked a little confused and then, as realisation came over her like a dreadful wave, she regretted deeply the fact that she had not morphed for the mission. It would have probably worn off with the pain of the first curse anyways, but it would have been worth a try. Because now, just the way she had seen her mother in Bellatrix' expression, she was positive that Andromeda was to be found in her own features as well.

"Tell me your name!" Bellatrix commanded.

Tons remained silent again, this time looking down at her feet with the same determination she had had a moment ago when looking into her aunt's eyes.

"Your name! _Crucio!_"

She could not stand anymore, and along with the infinite pain she could feel her face pressed hard against the earth. For a moment in which the pain seemed to have receded somehow she wondered if the pain of Remus' transformation was a terrible as the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. She was not sure if she wanted to know. And as suddenly as it had come, it stopped. Tonks heard a soft whimpering before realising it was hers. She was trembling so badly she was now unable to stand up again.

"You will do as you're told," Bellatrix whispered into her ear in a mock kind voice that gave her a wave of terror.

"Sod off," Tonks muttered through her teeth.

_Snap!_

Bellatrix had slapped her so hard she was now lying on her back, looking at the dark green canopy and the dark sky above their heads. Rookwood was still laughing nearby and Tonks wished she had her wand if only to quiet him for good. It seemed to have fallen after the first curse and it was nowhere to be seen.

"You," Bellatrix towering over her was pointing at her face with her finger, "ought to respect your elders, girl. Especially if its family we are talking about, right?"

It was too late: Bellatrix knew who she was talking too. And she was sure this would not mean they were going to be happily sharing family memories together but quite the opposite.

Making a supreme effort Tonks commanded her sore arms to hold her weight, and tried once more to stand up. She was not going to show herself in such a vulnerable position, even if that meant she would get kicked or cursed again.

"So," Bellatrix continued in the same soft voice, "how's daddy? How's that filthy Mudblood doing?"

With an energy she would never had guessed she possessed, Tonks sprang into her feet and without any thought she launched towards her aunt, aiming a punch at her with all the might she could muster. The satisfaction of her fist meeting Bellatrix' face was more than enough reward. It lasted less than a second, though; Rookwood had aimed a curse so powerful Tonks was thrown into the air to painfully collide a moment later with a tree, and fall into the ground.

She could not move. She was too weak, to sore, and there were two of them. She felt their steps approaching and a hand grabbing her hair, while too other hands, much bigger and tougher, kept her own at her back. Bellatrix' forced her head around to look at her and Tonks could not help but feel a little better when looking at the trail of blood coming from her nose.

"You are filth!" her aunt pronounced every word, piercing her with those dark eyes, so much like her mother's. "You, your Mudblood father, that good for nothing of you mother... oh yes! She is a disgrace to the noble house that saw her born; you are a disgrace to the wizarding world, you-"

Making yet another supreme effort, Tonks spat at her. For an instant the three of them froze and she had the certainty, for the first time in her life, that she was going to die. Fighting hard to suppress a sob she thought about Remus and wished she could spare him the pain... any pain at all.

Bellatrix cleaned her face with the long sleeve of her robes, and without a pause, she raised her wand, pointing it at Tonks' chest.

"We can't." Rookwood suddenly said at Tonks' back. He was not sneering anymore, and a tone of warning remarked his words. "Remember what he said. We're not allowed. Not yet!"

Her hand trembled a little and after a moment of hesitation, she pointed it back at her niece's face.

Renewed pain made Tonks whimper again, despite of herself, as a slash was being nonverbally cut across her face. She felt something warm flooding out the wound and trailing down her chin and, for an instant, she wandered if she would be able to morph away that kind of scar, the scar of a wound made by Sectumsempra.

Now Bellatrix pointed at her chest again, a maniac grin making her look more dangerous than ever.

"_Crucio!_"

This time the Longbottoms came to her mind. How much had they had to endure before going mad because of the pain? How much would she be able to cope with? They were not going to kill her, but at this point, she was not sure if the alternative was any better.

"_Stupefy!_"

Barely conscious, Tonks was positive she was going mad. For how on earth was it possible for him to be there? The pressure around her wrists lifted and she spun around to see Rookwood falling unconscious to the ground.

Less than a moment later, a jet of green light emerged from Bellatrix' wand, except it was not aimed in her direction, but Moody's. The flick of his wand seemed casual, but the nonverbal shield worked and the curse bounced off.

Tonks scrambled on the earth and moved forward, desperately looking for her wand, while Mad-Eye Moody and Bellatrix Lestrange sent curses and jinxes all around her.

The wooden stick seemed to glow at the moon light and she launched for it. Spinning around again, she just saw Rookwood stand up and Disapparate almost instantly. It seemed like Bellatrix had seen that too; ducking both Moody and Tonks' curses, she Disapparated as well.

The last thing Tonks' saw was the earth approaching at alarming speed.

* * *

Something wet was being applied on her face and she winced at the burning sensation on her skin.

"Coming 'round at last?"

There was concern in Moody's harsh voice and Tonks forced herself to open her eyes. They felt puffy and heavy.

"Where are we? Where's Bellatrix?"

"Gone. We're at my place."

Tonks jerked her entire body and sat straight to look around properly. She was lying in Moody's couch; he was sitting on a chair next to her, with a bottle full of a steaming potion in one hand and a somewhat dirty sponge in the other. Through the window the sky was pitch black except for the moon casting a ghostly light in the front yard.

"She went away. We let her escape!"

"It was my call, lass, you were in no state to pursue anybody and I wasn't going to leave you there now, was I?"

Both eyes, magical and normal, were looking at her in concern. For a long moment she did not know what to say, and roughly, Moody pushed her back to the sofa and resumed applying the potion to her wounds.

"How did you know where I was?" Tonks' finally asked.

"Kingsley." Mad-Eye said in a grunt. "He casually mentioned the joke of a mission you had been sent to. I swear to Merlin, lass, the Aurors' office has gone to the dogs! What were they thinking, sending you on your own? Just 'cause it was 'just another tip off'…" he finished marking his last words. "He's lucky there are so few of us in the Order or I would've killed him myself!"

"Who?"

"Aren't you listening? Kingsley!"

"Why him? He's not the one who sent me?"

"Maybe," Moody gave her a not too delicate tap with the sponge and Tonks flinched. "But he knew nonetheless, he should have volunteered to go with you, or just go without telling. Do you people listen to me when I talk about constant vigilance?"

Tonks realised he was too agitated to tell him that the honest answer to that question would be "not always" so she remained quiet until he finished with the potion.

"I don't know what they wanted," she finally said, trying to get an answer to the most pressing of her questions. "She just started with the Cruciatus without even asking a question. And it is not because of me being her niece," she hastily added as Moody opened her mouth to replicate, "she found that out much later!"

"So they didn't ask you anything," he said thoughtfully.

"Other than my name, nope," she prompted. "I wouldn't have talked anyways," she added as an afterthought, "but I'd be a tad less worried if I knew what on Earth they were after."

Moody placed the potion and the sponge on the coffee table, and looked at her thoughtfully.

"They didn't try to put me under the Imperius Curse either, if that's what you're thinking about," she spoke again.

"Well," Moody said, scratching his chin, "I guess they would've asked some questions later. They wanted to lure an Auror, preferable on his or her own, that's for sure. And they trusted in the Auror's famous self-confidence," his voice raised, he was now agitated by his own speech, "and they were right! And you-!"

"Hey! What did I do?" Tonks prompted indignantly. "I'm the one lying here aching all over, remember?"

"You are not to go alone anywhere, never! Did you hear me, lass?"

"I had no choice, it was an order from Scrimgeour! My boss, remember?"

"You could've taken somebody from the Order with you!"

"I didn't know this could happen!"

"Exactly my point!" Mad-Eye almost screamed with a grimace of satisfaction. "You can't always know! But you've to be prepared. You've to be ready! Constant vigilance!"

Tonks crossed her arms across her chest. Being told off by Mad-Eye was quite a nice complement for the pain and embarrassment. She looked at the window again and saw that the sky was not pitch black anymore, but turning into a dirty grey.

Remus would be up soon; she had to go back to Headquarters.

"Listen, Tonks," Moody's voice was much softer now. "I'm worried. I know we trained you for this, but I don't want you to get hurt."

She was barely listening to him now.

"Gotta go," she blurted standing up.

It was not a wise move, her legs were still trembling, and she felt dizzy.

"You can't! You're too weak!"

"I will. Remus will be up in a minute!" she argued, clumsily walking towards the door. She grabbed her cloak from the hanger and threw it around her shoulders, her expression set.

Moody rolled up both eyes, but could not suppress a chuckle.

"I'll go with you," he grunted, standing up with some difficulty.

"There is no need-"

"I'll get sure that those good for nothing lads take proper care of you," he added, taking his cloak too.

"I don't need to-"

"Tonks, for Merlin's sake, stop arguing and grab my bloody arm!"


	73. She hated to admit it

She hated to admit it, even to herself, but Moody was right. Not that she was not going to say it out loud anyways. But when they arrived in the dark alleyway near Grimmauld Place, she was feeling far weaker and her head would not stop spinning. Something she was sure of: she could not have done it on her own without getting splinched or ending up somewhere else.

Trying to hide the renewed trembling on her legs, Tonks climbed up the few steps and entered Headquarters. However, even that small amount of energy had been too much for her worn off body; her knees buckled and she collapsed on the dusty moth eaten carpet.

"Tonks!" two voices whispered in concern and she felt herself being helped up by two pairs of arms.

"Let's put her in the kitchen!"

"She should go to bed-"

"I'm perfectly capable of going on my own, thank you," she muttered indignantly, but both Sirius and Moody had a point, she was too weak.

Still grabbing Sirius' arm to support some of her weight, she headed to the kitchen. Moody followed them, grunting audibly.

"So you _were_ right, Mad-Eye?" Sirius said, while helping her into a sit.

He just grunted again, louder this time.

"What happened?" he asked her.

"Family meeting," she said, placing her head on her arms. "Where's Remus?"

"Family meeting? You mean Bellatrix was actually there?"

"She was," Tonks just said, without elaborating. She wanted very much to forget it all; at least for the time being. "Where is he?" she repeated.

Mad-Eye and Sirius exchanged an exasperated look.

"Upstairs," said the latter, "I've just seen him a moment ago. He's alright." He added.

"Good," Tonks muttered.

And placing her hands on the table, her expression set, she made an effort to stand up.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sirius asked, while Moody placed a heavy hand on her shoulder to make her sit back.

"Going upstairs to see him," she prompted annoyed. She really wished them to stop worrying so much; they were making the whole situation seemed much more serious than it really had been.

"That's stupid," Sirius said with annoyance. "You can barely stand up on your own and those are four flights of stairs!"

"But I want to-"

"And he will be so thrilled when he sees you like that!" her cousin sneered.

"Like what?"

"You haven't looked at you lately, have you?" Sirius scorned.

"I'm off," Moody interrupted. "I've had enough of this stubborn lady for a lifetime! You keep her quiet!" he added to Sirius.

"Thanks for the lovely task," he replied.

"Wait," Tonks spoke. She would have wanted to yell, but she did not have the necessary energy even for that. "Thanks, Mad-Eye," she muttered, looking up at him. "You were great back there."

He grunted again, but patted her cheek with her callous hand nonetheless. It would have been a kind gesture if it had not hurt so much.

Sirius walked him to the front door and Tonks was positive they would be exchanging information, taking advantage of her not interrupting. Or maybe Moody was just threatening Sirius' pants off to make sure he would look after her. Either way, she did not care just yet, she only wanted to see Remus and despite of her inner voice trying to convince herself that she wanted to be sure that he was alright after his transformation, the truth was that she wanted _him_ to tell her that everything would be alright.

She looked down at her clothes; she could see now what Sirius meant. While her face seemed to be swollen, but clean, the rest of her body showed every course and detail of her recent encounter with Bellatrix. Her Auror robes looked like old rags and there was a big deep red spot in the neck, just below the point where she had gotten the slash.

Grabbing a spoon from the table, she cleaned it with a used napkin and tried to see her reflection on the back of it. Her face was indeed swollen, but the scar was not as visible as she feared, thanks to Moody's attentions. She knew it would not do to try to morph it away before it healed completely. The process could leave more scars than letting it disappear the normal way.

Sighing heavily she dropped the spoon and try to stretch her legs and arms. Her entire body felt as if a steamroller had crushed it several times.

At her back Tonks heard the door opened and closed.

"What happened?"

Remus concerned voice made her turn around so violently she regretted it at once. And even though her whimper had been barely audible, it was obvious that he had seen the pain in her face.

"Remus," she whispered, standing up slowly.

With two long strides he approached her and very carefully placed her arms around her shoulders. Tonks leaned against his chest and breathed his scent, absolutely aware of how wonderful it was to actually be alive and breathing. She was trembling, tears were running down her cheeks and for once she did not care that somebody was seen her this fragile, because it was not just somebody. It was her Remus.

"Why are you not upstairs?" she finally sobbed. "You should be resting."

"I heard you come in."

"Aren't you too weak?"

Her question was made only half-heartedly. As a matter of fact, she was deeply thankful was there.

"I can manage," he murmured, stroking her hair. "Tonks, dear, what happened? Moody says you've found Bellatrix?"

Tonks separated her body from Remus'. She had to see his expression. He made her sit back and took a sit next to her; very cautiously, he grabbed her hands, caressing them in a soothing way.

"She found me, actually," she tried not to sound too gloomy. "I was… we got a tip off at the Ministry-"

"I know, I heard right before transforming. But I didn't think it could be for real."

"Neither did I, nor Scrimgeour or the other Aurors. It just seemed like a waste of time; I stayed there frozen to the bones for hours! And then she came, with Rookwood, from opposite directions. It was a setup, I couldn't fight them back!"

"I know, I know," he said, softly caressing her unharmed cheek. "Few wizards could successfully confront any of them on their own."

"But I should!" she said and now she started to feel self conscious at her own weakness. "I should've faced them, and attack them… or at least defend myself! I lost my wand at the first opportunity! What kind of Auror am I?"

"Tonks, listen to me, this was not your fault!"

"Who says this is her fault?" Sirius voice boomed from behind her. "Not Moody, surely-"

"I should've done something!" Tonks repeated, ignoring him.

"There was nothing you could've done," Remus said firmly.

"The only thing you should do on that kind of scenario is try your best to stay alive. And I reckon you've succeeded." Sirius tone was adamant.

Remus was looking at Tonks' right hand. There were several small cuts on her knuckles.

"How did you get these ones?"

Tonks looked at her fist, trying to remember. She knew he was trying to get her attention from further self-recrimination. Then, as the memory came back, a small half-smile spread on her face despite herself.

"That must have been against auntie Bellatrix' nose," she could not help to sound a tad satisfied with herself.

Sirius gave a loud bark-like laugh and Remus caressed her cheek with the tip of his fingers.

"I thought as much," he said beaming. "No wand at the time?"

"Nope," Tonks said, slowly shaking her head. Even that small gesture was terribly painful.

They were right though. There was no point in feeling guilty. Right now, there should be room only for relieve and happiness to be there, alive.

"And I spat at her as well," she added as an afterthought, now not willing to hide the tone of pride in her voice.

"I take you couldn't use your fists any longer?" now Remus' voice sounded distinctly amused.

"Nah, it was a chose between spitting and biting… and quite frankly the idea of the second one is disgusting."

The three of them chuckled.

"It was closed though," Tonks said and this time she was serious. "After that, I was sure I was a goner. And then, Moody came, like a fairy tale hero of sorts," she snorted humourlessly.

Remus made a grunt and Tonks immediately regretted her words. Her words had broken the momentarily cheeriness of the moment. He had gone pale and was squeezing her injured hand a little too hard.

* * *

Out of the corner of her eye Tonks kept looking surreptitiously at Remus.

A week had passed since her encounter with Bellatrix and even though he had been as attentive and caring as anyone could expect, there was something different in his attitude… something that was growing more evident with the passing of the days and Tonks could not help but being concerned.

Distance. She could not exactly put her finger of what was he doing that made her realise it, but she could feel he was keeping her at arms length and as much as she racked her brains she could not figure out why.

The truth was she was scared to ask. It was mostly unusual for her to keep quiet when something like that bothered her, but now she felt that whatever the reason it was for him to behave like this, she did not want to know. At least, that had been her attitude the first couple of days. Now she had grown tired of wondering and was trying to make up her mind. She had to talk to him, for sure, but how?

_How absurd it is to being incapable of just ask a simple question to the man I have practically lived with for the past few months?_

She looked at him again. He was bent over a piece of parchment, filling a report on a mission he had been to that same day.

Maybe that was it; he could be worried because of a mission. Then, if that was the case, why was she so scared to ask? The answer was simple. Because, deep down, Tonks was convinced this had something to do with her.

She cleared her throat and opened her mouth but nothing came. Remus seemed to have notice nothing.

_Come on, talk to him!_

"Er…" she started hoarsely.

He looked up and smiled but the gesture did not reach his eyes. That was it, the smile. How long had it been since the last time he had properly smiled at her? She could not remember but she was sure it had been before the incident with Bellatrix.

"Remus?"

He looked at her again and she decided that, whatever it was, it could not be worse than losing that smile for good.

"Can I… can we talk… for a moment?"

He put his quill slowly on the table and pushed the parchment a little further.

"What is it?"

Tonks sighed deeply.

"That's the thing, I don't know."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"No, not at all," she prompted. "It's… what is it, Remus?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I don't know!" she repeated impatiently. "I… I have the feeling you're getting away from me and I don't know why? What happened? What did I do?"

Remus looked at her for a long moment.

"You've done nothing, Tonks," he finally said.

_So he's not denying it._

"Then?"

He sighed and suddenly Tonks saw in his features something she had not seen for a long time. He looked as sad as he had done the first time she had refused to sit next to him, after finding out he was a werewolf so long ago. There it was, the same deep misery.

She stretched her hand and took his, afraid for a moment that he would refuse her gesture. He did not and she felt a tad better.

"It's not you, Tonks, it's me!"

"What?"

"I should have been there, I should have protected you," this time he drew his hand and stood up. "Where was I when you needed me the most? Shut in my room, a hairy, dangerous, useless beast!"

He started pacing the small kitchen, his hands in fists and his teeth clenched. She was too taking aback from his sudden outburst to say a thing

"You were on your own! Had I been… had I been _normal_, I would've been with you! Watching over you! Protecting you from getting hurt!"

"Remus," she said in a whisper, "it's not your fault."

"Maybe it's not, but you don't deserve this," he pointed his hands at his chest. "You deserve somebody who can be with you when you need him to. Somebody you can count on."

"I don't want that someone. I want you! And it wouldn't have made any difference if you were not a werewolf!" she stood up as well. "I would've gone on my own anyways, those were my orders!"

"Maybe! But it would've been me the one who rescued you!"

"And who cares who rescued me?"

"I do!"

"Why?"

"Because! ... Because, it should've been me," his voice dropped to a whisper.

Tonks did not know what to say next. Every word seemed so empty. She did not think he was right, not for a moment, but she could see his point of view.

"I guess I'm too selfish," he added flatly. "I don't want to let you go, even though I know that, for your own good, I should. You shouldn't be with somebody like me."

The sadness in his voice was like a terrible weight pressing over them, so deep it was painful. Nonetheless, he sat back and grabbed his quill again. With an impulse, she took it from him; Remus looked up at her again.

"I love you," she said.

He remained silent for a long moment, and finally he spoke.

"I love you too. That is the thing. I love you too much, Tonks," he stood up again. "I need to know that you'll be safe. That you'll survive, unharmed."

"You can't decide that."

"I know, but still."

Both sighed and looked at each other for yet another long moment.

"I promise-" Tonks started.

"You don't need to-"

"Listen to me!" she yelled impatient. "I promise I will take care. I won't go on missions alone; I'll try to be as careful as possible. But our job description doesn't always permit all that to happen. We fight dark wizards that are not kind enough to just stun. We can take our precautions, and I promise you I will… but eventually I could get hurt and so do you. Its part of what we are. And we have to learn to live with that."

He kept looking at her in silence.

"Please, say something."

He did not spoke, but approached her and hugged her tight.

"Don't leave me," she murmured.

"I won't. I've told you, I'm too selfish to do that."

"Fine with me," she sighed, slithering her arms around his waist.

He remained silent for a while, but Tonks had the distinct feeling he had something else to say. She was not mistaken, but she could never have guessed it would be that.

"I am going to train you," he murmured with a hoarse voice.

"Excuse me?" she looked up at him, Remus looked terrible serious.

"You're going to train with me," he continued. "If you'd been an Auror for a longer time, you'd had the experience you need now, for the kind of enemies you're facing now. But you haven't. So, you'll do further training with me."

"I've already have plenty of training with Moody," she said indignantly.

"I know, but now you know him already. There are no surprises."

"And I know you," she prompted.

He smiled at her and gave her a little kiss on the tip of her nose. She smiled broadly despite herself.

"That's true, but you've never had a duel with me. And I must warn you, I play dirty."

"But I know that!" she said with a mischievous smile.

Remus blushed.

"I wasn't talking about _that_," he said, trying to look serious again.

"Alright," she agreed, thinking that it might not bee such a bad idea after all. "But I have to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Training is training."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't wanna fear you'll jinx me while we're on bed, alright? I need to know there will be boundaries."

Remus rolled his eyes, but he looked amused now.

"Agreed."

* * *

**Some reviewers had pointed out that the chapters in this story are a tad too short. Maybe you're right! And since it also has too many chapters, I guess it's time to make them longer. Thanks a lot for keeping up with this multicoloured witch.**

**Cheers!**


	74. You have to give it a rest!

_June 18th_

"You have to give it a rest!"

"I'm alright, I'm alright," Tonks said through clenched teeth. Grabbing the back of an armchair for support, she raised with some difficulty. "Let's do it again!" she replied, pointing her wand at Remus.

"It's enough now, Tonks, we've been doing this for at least two hours." Apparently to mark his words, he stuffed his wand in an inside pocket of his jacket.

"I'm not tired," she prompted, "come on! Besides, it doesn't hurt."

"It might not, but you're tired nonetheless, it's obvious."

Of course he was right but she had a very strong feeling she was too. They had been practicing together, almost every day, and even though she was positive she had learned a great deal from him, he was still able to surprise her, to shoot innocuous and yet very humiliating jinxes at her from the most unexpected directions and at the most unanticipated moments. The fact was there was so much she had to learn, there would not be ever too much practicing for her to grasp it all.

Remus approached her and gently took the wand from her clutch.

"You're doing wonderfully, dear."

Tonks looked at him. He was earnest, but that did not make her feel any better.

"I still can't beat you," she whispered hoarsely. "I still won't be able to beat Bellatrix."

Without a word, he put his arms gently around her.

"You're improving so much every day," he whispered in her ear, "I've never seen anybody so determinant to achieve something and you'll get there, with time. There's no good in doing this so many times you can't barely stand up now, and even though I know it's for your own good, I can't bear seeing you like this."

"But you offer to-!"

She pushed him kindly and reached for her wand. Remus gave it back reluctantly.

"Sure I did, but one thing is training; getting so obsessed about this is something quite different. Trust me, Tonks, continuing practicing the way you want to will only weaken you to the point that, if you actually have to fight, you won't be fit for it!"

He had a point there. With a mixture of impatience and resignation, she sat down, sighing deeply.

"It took me more than ten years to get to where I am," he continued. "You can't possible expect to beat me with just a couple of years of training."

"Months," she said flatly, looking at the wooden tiles in the floor and twirling her wand in her fingers. She was feeling hopeless.

"Beg your pardon?"

"We just started some months ago," she replied in the same tone.

"You've been training for years. You're an Auror, remember?" Remus came closer and sat down at her side.

"Yeah, big deal!" there was sarcasm in her voice.

"It is a big deal!"

"Did it matter at the time, though?" Tonks was surprised to hear her own voice rising suddenly. "She managed to get the best out of me, didn't she? I got cursed!"

"It wasn't your fault," Remus was trying to keep his voice calm but was being drowned by hers.

"All that training," she stood up suddenly, and started pacing up and down her living room. "All those years trying to prove myself to Moody, to Scrimgeour, to everybody! And... and when it's time to fight... to actually face some Death Eater and fight, I'm useless!"

"You were on your own!" Now he was screaming as well. "That has nothing to do with how well trained you are!"

"Then why are we doing this?"

"You're making no sense, Dora! What do you mean why are we doing this?"

She stopped pacing and looked at him for a long moment, panting slightly.

"I... I don't know, Remus," she sighed again. "Maybe Mad-Eye was right... maybe you were too. This is getting too heavy a burden to carry around."

He stood up but did not approach her.

"All these lies that we have to tell all the time," she continued, "all the sneaking around, all the efforts we seem to be making... and yet, there's still people like Bellatrix... or even like Umbridge, parading around the Ministry, gloating on the way they have 'reduced that MacGonagall'. How could she do that to her? To Hagrid? We're all risking everything we've got, every single day, while there are people actually making it all the easiest for the Death Eaters to take over!"

Remus was looking at her intently.

"Do you want out?"

It was as if he was speaking another language.

"Out? What do you mean 'out'?"

"Of the Order. We could Obliviate you, and Kingsley could persuade Scrimgeour to station you somewhere else... you'd be safer..."

It was difficult to understand something that sounded so absurd, it was impossible to believe it was actually Remus the one who was proposing it.

"Are you out of your senses?"

"It would be a good solution," he went on. "You'd be protected, and, even though the Order needs any extra help they could get-"

"I'm not quitting," she protested. "Remus, how on earth can you suggest such a thing? I'll fight, and not because I have to, but because I want to!"

There was a particular glow in his gaze. For an instant it was something between pride and amusement, but it disappeared instantly to be replaces by a solemn expression.

"But you just said-"

"I was just complaining, alright? I don't mean I don't want to be in the Order! I'm just... aren't you just tired sometimes?"

"More often than you'd guess," he said softly.

This time he came closer, and hugged her again. She did not draw back.

"I'm fine," she murmured against his shoulder.

"I know you are, Dora. I just wanted to prove that to you."

She raised her head a bit to look at him in the eyes.

"You didn't mean that, then? The part where I get Obliviated and chucked out of the Order?"

He chuckled softly.

"Not really, no."

She scowled at him, and then buried her face in his shoulder again, breathing deeply. He buried his fingers in her fiery red long hair, while tracing circles in the small of her back.

"By the way," she said after a moment.

"Yes?"

"Since when do you call me 'Dora'?"

"Did I?" this time it was him who shifted to properly look at her.

"Twice," Tonks nodded.

"I didn't realise... I... it might sound stupid," he looked a tad embarrassed. "In my mind, you've been 'Dora' for a long time. I don't like using your surname to talk to you, but I wasn't sure if you'd like it, so I just wasn't..." he trailed off.

She thought about it for a moment. _Dora_. Only her father called her that way and sometimes her mother. It was quite strange to hear anybody else addressing her thus. As a matter of fact, it had been _that_ more than anything; the use of that particular name had made her finally calm down.

"I guess I'll get use to it," she smiled at him.

* * *

There would be another Order meeting. A very crucial one. After Minerva MacGonagall had been taking to St. Mungo's the night before, victim of too many well aimed stunning spells, there were finally gathering the next afternoon to make future plans, especially concerning Hogwarts. Without Dumbledore and her to keep an eye on the administration of Dolores Umbridge, it was hard to predict what could happen to the school in the few weeks remaining until the students will go home for their summer vacations.

Her hand safely in Remus', Tonks followed him up the steps to Headquarters and through the front door. At once they knew something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

"I said I'm going!" Sirius screamed, emerging from the kitchen, without paying any attention to the screeches of the portraits that had just being waken up all along the corridor. "And we're wasting time here, Mad-Eye!"

"What-?" Tonks asked.

Remus hastily grabbed Sirius sleeve while he passed them and turned him around to face him.

"What is it?"

"Harry," Sirius panted, "he's off to the Ministry, possibly with Ron, Hermione and I don't know who else."

"How do you know that?"

"What do you mean 'off to the Ministry'?"

"Snape sent a Patronus," Kingsley said. He and Moody were climbing up the kitchen steps as well.

"Potter seems to be convinced that Sirius has been captured by Voldemort."

"Where did he get such an ide- oh crap!" Tonks put her hand on her mouth in horror.

"He never quite managed to keep his mind close, didn't he?" Mad-Eye said gruffly.

Sirius jerked his arm out of Remus' grab.

"Who cares?" he shouted over Mrs. Black's screams. "They're on their way! Maybe they're already there! It's a trap!"

"Wait! Snape is right!" Kingsley called back.

"He's not! I'm not staying behind!"

"Somebody has to tell Dumbledore when he arrives! It won't be long!"

"It won't be me," Sirius said. He was not screaming anymore but this calm voice of his, sounding almost like a dog's growl seemed to be much more powerful.

"We'll go. We all go," Remus said. "We don't know what we're facing there. We'll need all the help possible."

"And who's gonna tell Dumbledore-?"

"I'll order Kreacher to do it," Sirius prompted, sprinting up the stairs and calling the house elf.

Nobody said a thing; they stood silent in the corridor, surrounded by the portrait's yells, not bothering to shut them up. Tonks wandered for an instant if they would eventually be quiet on their own, before shaking her head and focusing on what was lying ahead of them. She looked at her companions; all of them seemed to be in some sort of trance.

Moody was looking upstairs to where Sirius had disappeared, Kingsley's fists were clenched but other than that he looked calm.

Her eyes finally met Remus' and he gave her a tiny nod. She wished she could hug him, but in their present situation she did not dare.

"Done!" Sirius' voice boomed from the first landing of the stairs.

"Alright," Kingsley said, calmly, turning back down the kitchen. "We're flooing in."

The rest followed him without a word. When Tonks entered the kitchen, the flames in the enormous fireplace were already green. Moody gestured her to go first and, without so much as a look back, she submerged into the fire and started spinning.

* * *

It was quiet. Way too quiet, but that was usual this late. Her wand raised and looking around in all directions Tonks vaguely wandered where the watch-wizard might be.

Soft sounds at her back made her realise the others were arriving. She did not look back to see them, but continued walking swiftly through the Atrium, in the direction of the stairs and lifts.

"Department of Mysteries?" she whispered.

"Right," somebody said at her back.

They all entered one of the lifts and Moody roughly pressed the number nine.

At her side, Remus' gave a tiny squeeze to her hand. Tonks met his eyes again. He looked pale but his expression was set.

They arrived there fast. Maybe too fast, she thought, feeling a chill down her spine while sprinting along the corridor until they reached the door of the Department of Mysteries. Again Tonks was overwhelmed by the feeling that it all seemed too quiet.

She looked around the corridor she knew too well from the long nights of guard duty. Suddenly she remembered tonight would have been Minerva's turn. That was the reason why there was nobody there, guarding the entrance. The Death Eaters had been cleaver enough to take that chance, out of sheer luck or careful planning they might never find out, while they, the Order, had not been as quick to realise there was something missing in that marvellous plan of theirs.

There was no time for regrets now. She approached the door and pushed it open with a tad of curiosity despise their situation. After so many months of staying outside, she would finally see what was inside.

It was black circular room. Somebody had been there, that was obvious: a couple of doors were marked with fiery Xs. Kingsley was murmuring something behind her and bluish shadows appeared in front of them, behind one of the doors. Without a pause, Sirius pushed it open and they all followed him.

The scene in front of their eyes was quite confusing, and she had not time to register it all. Automatically she raised her wand and shot a stunning spell down at the figure at the centre of the sunken stone steps in the room. Lucius Malfoy felt to the ground but the noise of his body colliding with the stone floor was covered by the shouts of spells and jinxes being shot all around her.

She was not afraid anymore, but full with a fierce anger and an overwhelming energy that seemed to channel through every spell shouted by her wand. It was this, after all, what she was best at.

A high pitched scream made her look at a figure in particular. She knew that scream too well from her recurrent last months' nightmares. Bellatrix Lestrange was pointing her wand at the kids lying on the floor. Tonks, several steps above, shot a stunning spell at her. It did not reach her target, but Bellatrix' spell missed hers too by a couple of inches. She turned around at once and even though the light was scarce, Tonks could see her face split on a maniac smile before the laughter reached her ears. The curse came almost too soon and she had barely time to shield herself.

She attacked back at once, and saw how easily her spell was bounced off, and again, and again. It seemed that Bellatrix was actually enjoying seeing her struggle like this.

And suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mad-Eye fell down amidst the confusion of the lower level.

That was the split second that defined it all, she would latter think. Now, all that surrounded her was pitch black nothingness.


	75. The pain was still there to remind her

_Late June_

Tonks shifted uncomfortably, trying not to put too much weight on her many bruises. Morphing could make it look like she was unharmed, but the pain was still there to remain her in every move how badly had everything gone lately.

_Why do these benches have to be so hard?_, she thought, giving the wooden surface a punch. She regretted it instantly.

Tonks moved again, fidgeting at the same time with the hem of her purple Weird Sister's t-shirt. She hated waiting, and yet, why on earth had she been this early? Looking now at her feet she bent forward to wipe off an almost inexistent spot on the tip of her right boot. Even this small amount of movement made her legs and arms throb.

She sat straight again and looked around, searching in the crowd for a familiar face, while glancing at the enormous clock in front of her. King's Cross was as full of people as ever, but there was no sign of Mad-Eye or Remus.

And the main problem was that with just nothing to do for at least half an hour, the only thing left was think, remember, wonder, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. For a fortnight, she had loaded herself with work, most of which had came directly from Aurors' Headquarters or the Order, the rest had been imaginary tasks she had forced herself to do.

And now... emptiness, nothing.

These days she felt as if she was permanently surrounded by Dementors.

_Her eyelids were heavy; all her body felt as if somebody had put an enormous amount of weight on her. And despite the almost unbearable situation, she could not move, nor open her eyes. _

_And there it was that maniac laughter. She would do whatever it was in her power, whatever it would take to get rid of that voice once and for all. She wanted to be the one who silenced Bellatrix Lestrange. She had to be._

_Whit a mighty effort Tonks opened her eyes. Instantly she realised something was terribly wrong. Even worse than the instant when she had got hit by Bellatrix' curse. _

She shook her head violently. She was not going to think about that, nor the laughter, nor the screams, nor Harry's and Remus' cries.

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry —"_

"_Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"_

"_It's too late, Harry —"_

"_We can still reach him —"_

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry... nothing... He's gone."_

He was gone. Sirius Black, somebody who, by being and not being there, had been so important in her life. How do you say goodbye to somebody like that, when you don't even have the chance to say goodbye at all?

Tonks closed her eyes and bowed her head. Tears were prickling down her cheeks and she hastened to wipe them away. There was no use to let the others see her like this. They were worried enough as it was. Specially Remus.

If she did not know him better, she would have said, at first, that he could not care less about her. He had been so distant after the battle at the Ministry. As a matter of fact, since that time, she had only seen him twice, surrounded by people and in circumstances so confusing it had been close to impossible for them to talk properly. He had just asked her how she was and had contented with a small explanation, his eyes barely meeting hers.

Actually it seemed as if both of them, Remus and Sirius, were gone.

Of course he would be back. He was just dealing with his loss the way he usually did with everything too overwhelming: go away, think, maybe even hide... and then he would be back. Unless...

_No_, Tonks shook her head again, _there will be no room for 'unless' in this scenario._

But if she was to be perfectly honest with herself, she was not that sure anymore. And it was that, more than the fact that her cousin was gone, the one thing making it all look blurred around her, making it feel as if she were permanently being followed by Dementors.

He could not go away. Not now.

_She tried to stand on her shaky legs, and to get everything around her into focus. Dumbledore and Kingsley were tiding up the remaining fighters. Bellatrix was nowhere to be seen, and she jerked her head in time to see Harry exiting a door. Remus started climbing the stairs after him, but Dumbledore stopped him and went up himself._

_And then everything went black again._

_The next thing she knew, she was lying on a much softer place, which smel__led funny and was awfully quiet. This time it took her almost no effort to open her eyes wide. There was white everywhere, except for the dark figure who approached her. _

"_How are you feeling?"__ Remus' voice was concerned._

_Tons tried to check if there were injuries visible or if she could not move any part of her body. Other than several bruises, she seemed to be alright._

"_Fine, I'm fine," she said._

"_Good," he whispered, bending over to kiss her lightly on the forehead. _

"_Remus," she whispered. She was pretty sure of what she had seen but she had got to be sure anyways. "What happen to... Sirius?"_

_She regretted her question at once. Remus' face became expressionless, but she could see in his eyes the almost unbearable pain he was feeling._

"_He's... gone," he said hoarsely._

_Tonks closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling of emptiness that suddenly had come. Sirius was gone._

_She reached for Remus' hand but before she could complete the gesture, somebody unknown, dressed in lime green robes, stepped between them. Her wand pointing at Tonks, she murmured something before nodding. _

"_How are you feeling?" she heard the question again._

"_I'm alright," she prompted, looking at Remus' direction. He was looking at them, but her eyes seemed absent while he traced invisible patterns on the white sheets._

She tried to remember, even though it was painful, the last time his eyes had been posed on hers, the last time they had shared a silent private moment with just the intensity of their gaze. All the occasions coming to her mind were many days old.

"_You will be free to go tomorrow morning," informed the Healer with a cheerful voice._

_Making an enormous effort, Tonks managed a smile that dissolved quickly when the Healer turned around to check on her other patients._

"_I won't be able to accompany you home," Remus suddenly said._

"_Sorry?" she asked, not so sure of what he was talking about._

"_Tomorrow. I won't be able to be here when you go home. I'll get somebody, Molly or Moody, to be here with you."_

"_Why?"_

"_You can't go on your own-!" he started with a hint of exasperation._

"_I know that! I'm asking why you won't be able to be here?" she cut across indignantly._

_He remained quiet for a moment, as if marshalling his ideas._

"_I have a mission for the Order. I'm preparing for it."_

"_This soon?" she asked stupidly._

"_It's... I'll explain it to you on due course."_

"_Alright," she said, feeling everything but 'alright'._

_He approached her again to kiss her forehead and this time she managed to be quick enough, and surrounded him with shaky arms. After a moment, he hugged her back._

She could not stand it any longer and jumped off the bench to walk around, her legs hurt but it was much less uncomfortable that the wooden bench.

Distractedly, she looked at the small Muggle shops, reading the headlines of their newspapers without taking in a word. She should have hugged him tighter; she should not have let him go. But how on earth could she imagine that it would be this long until the next time they would hug? Or kiss? Or just look at each other normally?

_The next time she had seen him, it had been the next day at the Burrow__, in the midst of the worst meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. There was mourning for their loss, relieve that it had been only one casualty, even cheerfulness for the capture of those Death Eaters. And still, while daubing some ointment on her many bruises, Tonks looked around her and felt as if she was seeing it all through a thick dusty glass._

_Remus was talking to Kingsley and Arthur in hurried hushed voices. She wanted so badly to know what it all was about but for once her curiosity was not strong enough to make her actually get up and ask._

_She could not stand it anymore, and without a word she exited the overcrowded kitchen. The garden was a much peaceful and real place.__ Not long ago she had met both Remus and Sirius on exactly that spot. She had actually stunned his cousin, she remembered, without helping a smile for spreading in her face._

_That was her way of doing things, and that was also his way of doing things. Stun first, ask questions later. And bearing that in mind, Tonks could not help but think he had died just the way he would have loved to._

"Bollocks", she said out loud, and a Muggle old lady with a small dog on her arms looked at her reproachful.

"He didn't want to die at all," she murmured stupidly to no-one in particular.

It was true though. He had been so full of life, all wasted inside that wretched house of his, not being able to feel useful, not being able to feel anything different than resentment and frustration towards his situation, and Dumbledore, and Snape.

"Oi, Tonks!"

Two somehow cheerful voices got her out of her reverie. She turned around to see Fred and George walking in her direction. The twins beaming faces and their bright ginger hair seemed to glow amongst the crowd. They sounded quite at odds with everything surrounding her that it was almost comical. Almost.

_Are they actually this cheerful or this is all a façade?_

It did not matter either way. They were here on a mission, just like her, and they all would have to get through with it the best way possible.

_This is gonna be toug__h, _she thought, feeling the muscles in her cheeks ache for the effort of producing a smile.

"Wotcher!"

* * *

_July 9__th_

Tonks jumped a little at the sound of her front door opening, before relief washed over her at the sight of Remus entering her flat. Without thinking, she ran from the kitchen's door and threw herself into his chest.

It took him a very long moment to finally wrap his arms around her but, when he did, he held her tight and gave a deep sigh.

"I missed you," she said.

He looked at her and she was sure he was taking in the dark marks under slightly puffy eyes. She had been having trouble sleeping since the last time they had seen each other in King's Cross and she had not bother to morph into her usual cheery colours. Currently her hair was long and pitch black and she still felt, like that day at the station, that forcing a smile in her expression was almost painful.

She had not seen him since. After talking to the Dursleys, he had said he had work to do and that he would be off. When she had asked about his doses of Wolfsbane for the coming full moon, he had just said it was not that important any more. That night, under the mocking white light of the full moon, Tonks had not sleep at all. She had sent him an owl some time prior and his answer had been painfully short. "Don't worry about me". She guessed he would be transforming at his own flat, or maybe at his own parents' house, but she did not dare to go and look for him. He had a different way to deal with things, she knew that... only, she wished that way would include her as well.

And finally here he was. She could not avoid noticing a fresh scar on his temple: three parallel thin lines that crossed it, badly hidden by his fringe. How many wounds there were that she could not see?

Hos was too short an embrace. All of a sudden he took a couple of steps back, away from her. His expression was set and she felt something was terribly wrong.

His eyes were looking everywhere but her, there was something wrong in the way he was standing in front of her, as if he was trying to make some distance between them... there seemed to be something wrong even in the way he was breathing. He was bracing himself for something. The horrible chill running down Tonks' spine told her that she should prepare for the worst.

"Remus, what is it?" she asked, fear ringing in her voice.

Remus hesitated for a moment and then he seemed to have made up his mind.

He cleared his throat.

"I… have a new mission. For the Order."

"I figured out as much," she said hastily, "that's why you've been away these days, isn't it? What does that-"

"It's something different this time," he interrupted her. "It's going to be long term."

She stared at him, puzzled. Then, she felt a heavy weight on the pitch of her stomach, as realisation came.

"You're going to spy on the werewolves." She surprised at the sound of her own voice, flat and steady, cold.

"I am," he said curtly.

"It's suicidal," she said still with the same cool voice. How was it possible for her to look to this serene, while she felt her insides boiling and freezing at the same time?

"It isn't. And it could prove to be very useful for the Order."

_Damn Order_, she thought. _Damn Dumbledore. Damn casualties and damn war!_

"So this is your way to deal with it, isn't it?" she asked harshly.

"Dealing with…?"

"Sirius death, survivor's guilt or whatever you want to call it."

"This has nothing to do with Sirius' -"

"This has everything to do with it." She wasn't calm anymore. Her voice was rising, along with her temper. "You want revenge; you want to feel you're actually doing something, so you've accepted that _he_ would impose this bad joke of a mission on you just to-"

"I volunteered," he said quietly.

Tonks backed away and looked at him as if he was someone else she had never seen in her life.

"Even worse," she said in a low voice.

He was looking at her again at it felt as if it was costing him all his might to do so. She could feel her eyes filling with tears but she did not try to hide them this time.

"Dora," he said hoarsely, "this… we shouldn't… we can't be together."

Her expression changed almost instantly from concern to anger.

_Nor again! Not this argument again!_

"Don't give me that nonsense, Remus."

"It isn't nonsense, Nymphadora. It's something I should have done some time ago. I've told you before! I am constantly putting you in danger; I am not what you deserve."

"Stop trying to decide what I deserve or not," she snapped at him.

"I don't -" he started raising his voice.

"Do you love me, Remus?" she cut across whatever he was about to say.

He looked at her with incredulity in his eyes.

"I do," he said simply. "I love you more than I ever thought it would be possible to love anyone."

"Then…?" she whispered, looking at him with pleading eyes. He loved her, she loved him, she wanted to be with him. What was so difficult for him to understand?

"I won't be with you, I can't. It is already dangerous enough as it is! It's because I love you that I want to keep you safe!" He had started to pace the room, hands in fists, too agitated to stay put. "And now, if they find out what I'm up to, they might try and hurt you. I won't put you in more danger because of me!"

"But-"

"I know you don't care, but you have to listen to me!" There was urgency in his voice, he was almost desperate. "I will go to them, I have to."

"You don't have to," she said stubbornly.

"I have to, and I need you to understand. I will go and I won't be able to get in touch. Not with you, nor with anybody."

"What about not being alone? What about asking for help? Just weeks ago you were lecturing me about working in group, about joining forces. Did you actually mean that or was it all just crap?"

"I... I was mistaken," he whispered looking at his fists. "Sometimes it is better to be alone. You won't risk others to get hurt."

"Sirius would've come with us anyway, no matter what any of us would say," she blurted.

"Beg your pardon?"

"You're feeling guilty, right? Because it was you the one who said he should come to the Ministry too, because we needed the extra help." She crossed the room and grabbed his fists in her hands. "He would've gone anyways! You have nothing to do with his death!"

He did not say a thing, but kept looking at his hands, now trapped into hers. They stood like that for a long time, breathing heavily.

Finally, Tonks gave a step back.

"I'll wait for you to come back," she said glaring at him with fiery eyes.

"Don't," he answered harshly.

"This isn't something for you to decide," she said coolly.

Both glared at each other for a moment.

"Don't wait for me," he finally whispered. "Don't put your life on hold because of me."

There was something in his voice, a supplicant tone she'd never heard coming from her Remus. He was asking her to understand what he was about to do, to let him go, to stop loving him.

_Well_, she thought gloomily, _two out of three I could do._

Slowly, Tonks closed the distance between them and took his fists in her hands again, this time opening them in the process. She sighed and the air coming through her lungs seemed to ache.

"Be safe, Remus. Please, be safe," she said quietly.

He looked at her tearful face and seemed to be overwhelmed by the fact that she was not arguing any further; she had finally understood, she will accept what he was about to do.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Remus took Tonks in his arms and rested his head on hers.

"I will," he said after a moment.

Without letting go of him, Tonks looked up as if she wanted to memorise the face of the man she loved. He smiled sadly at her and without any of them realising how, they were kissing. For a moment, she stopped thinking, and she was positive that he too was relieving into the wonderful feeling of oblivion, getting lost into the other's lips.

Too soon it was too much for him.

So Remus pulled apart and without looking at her, he walked to the front door and went out.

Tonks remained at the same spot for a while, looking blankly at the closed door. She finally leaned on it and slid to the floor, where she crouched hugging her knees.

She would wait for him to come back and meanwhile she would have to be strong and fight. For him.

* * *

**AN: Thanks a lot to those kind enough to leave a review, specially to sliz225 who not only gave me quite an encouraging review but, most important, pointed out a huge canon mistake I had made in this chapter. Also thanks to the people who subscribed to this story and/or marked it as a favourite.**

**Cheers!**


	76. Tonks cocked her head

_August 1996_

"Strike?"

Tonks cocked her head, covered in mousy brown hair, to the right, as if that way the words written on a dirty piece of paper on the subway entrance would have another meaning. It was hopeless, of course.

Her hand automatically caressed the wand safely hidden in the pocket of her jeans.

_It could be so easy…_

It had indeed been that easy. And now… now she would not risk it.

Last time she had tried to Apparate, a couple of weeks ago, she had splinched. For the first time in her life.

"_I've never splinched," she said, smiling, "but I wouldn't want this to be my first time either. Maybe I am too tired."_

_Remus stretched his arm and Tonks took it, trying not to look too eager._

"_Ready?" he asked._

It had been quite a nasty splinch too, and she had a very visible scar on her back to remind her how much of her body had been left behind. If only she could just morph it away.

She still was not sure how she had managed back then – covered in blood and almost fainting because of the pain – to muster enough energy to reach for her wand and perform such a complicated piece of magic.

And then the surprise... How long had it been since the last time she had conjured a Patronus? She did not remember. The great silvery four legged creature looked at her without blinking, and even though she was badly hurt, she stared back at it for a long moment before realising it was a wolf.

She knew what that meant, it was painfully obvious. Looking angrily at the thing and truly missing her familiar cheerful chameleon, she ordered it to do what was necessary.

Less than two minutes later, Molly had Apparated at her side, following the anguished call from her Patronus, and had patched her up with a grimace of concern in her features. Tonks knew, of course, that there was not only the wound that worried Molly this much, but fortunately she did not seem eager to dig further into it. She did not even mention the new silvery shape that had summoned her and Tonks was not sure if she ought to be relieved or angry at this.

After all, they had discussed the subject partially just days before; Molly had seemed to realise it would do her no good to bring it up again, and had left her just as soon as she was sure she would be alright.

Still, it all felt as if it had happened to somebody else. There was just the scar, and a terrible fear to try to Apparate again. From the three D's she remembered from her Apparition lessons so long ago, she was abysmally lacking determination from what seemed like a long time now.

From then on, she had taken to use the Muggle subway. It was awfully slow, crowded and sometimes filthy, but she did not care. As a matter of fact, she did not care about a heap of things lately. Everything these days seemed to be somehow detached from her.

And today there was no subway at all.

With the same lack of interest she was having in front of everything, and despite the dark clouds circling above and the humid heat all around her, she started to walk home.

The first drops of rain begun to fall and she was not even halfway from her flat. Caressing her hidden wand, as to give her some consolation, she could not even make up her mind to summon an umbrella. Who cared anyway? She did not.

Walking aimlessly into what now was a heavy rain and almost without noticing it, she had reached a very familiar part of the city. Somewhere she had not been to in several weeks. It brought a painful flow of memories to stand at the corner of Grimmauld Place.

Number twelve had not being used since… since that day, even though it had been said in more than one Order meeting that they should re-occupy it as swiftly as possible since it had been proven that it indeed belonged to Harry and not to the Lestrange or the Malfoys. Deep down though, Tonks doubted it would be used again as Headquarters. Maybe it was silly of her to think that way, but she was sure there was something not right lingering on the place.

After the horrible killing of Emmeline Vance, not long ago, added to the loss of Sirius, meetings had been scarce and the Order had taken to use different dwellings for each time. That nasty piece of murder had also seemed to belong to somebody else's life, she felt detached from it too. True, she had never been close to the woman and, except a couple of trivial conversations, she could not remember anything about her, but still... the fact that Death Eater could reach a member of the Order and killed her, had been a strong blow against everybody's morale.

Not knowing how though, she had climbed up the stairs and she was now intently looking at the door, as if it was the first time she had been there.

_It was a tall structure with long dark windows and it looked as if nobody had been there for a very long time. Still trying to look casual, she approached the black wooden door. There was nothing on it but a bronze door handle shaped like the head of a snake._

_Following an impulse, Tonks climbed the few steps that separated the entrance from the street and was about to knock the door when she stopped, her fist suspended in mid-air._

_Maybe there was somebody from the Order inside, maybe not. And maybe, that somebody would not mind her coming one day early, maybe not. And that person not being happy with her presence could cost her… she could not imagine what might happen if that were the case but finally, with a deep sight, she decided to go home and just wait patiently until the next day._

_"Excuse me?"_

_The hoarse voice behind her made her jump and she turned around so fast her neck cracked. Remus Lupin was standing in the bottom of the stairs, carrying two paper bags and looking surprised._

The memory made her ache all over and before even noticing she had entered the dusty hall and closed the door at her back, as if that would be enough to leave those recollections behind. She was not going to think about Remus Lupin if she could avoid it.

Too bad she could hardly avoid it at all. Not since he had left weeks ago, and despite of the fact that she had had no word at all from him.

A fresh layer of dust and cobwebs covered every inch of the place, strongly reminding her again of that particular day when she walked down this hall for the first time.

"Darn you," she heard her whisper and out of the blue she realised, as if waking up from a dream, that she was indeed here.

Suddenly it did not felt detached anymore. The moth eaten carpets, the portraits, the losses and anguishes of the past few days, it all was way too real and it all seemed to punch her from every direction.

Tears were running down her cheeks and Tonks felt how all the anger, and pain, and suffering she had fighting so hard to suppress were surfacing.

"Darn you!" she yelled at the empty place, "Darn you, you filthy werewolf!"

The black curtain in front of her opened instantly and screams as loud as hers filled the house.

"FREAK, ABOMINATION, BEFOULING THE HOU-!"

"SILENCE!"

A jet of blue light was shot from her drawn wand and the unexpected force of it triggered her to the wall behind her.

Tonks' scream had sounded like a roar and now it reverberated on the dusty walls.

_Clank._

Walburga Black's portrait had fallen and, when the dust resettled on the floor, there it lay, absolutely silenced.

Tonks was panting; she was feeling a funny, yet familiar prickling on her forehead. Running up the stairs she entered the nearest bathroom. In the mirror she saw that her hair, stubbornly mousy brown for the last few weeks, was now spiky and fiery red.

A wild smile spread across her face. Grabbing her wand so hard her knuckles turned white, she ran down again, stepping over Mrs. Black portrait, and at the top of the stairs outside number twelve, she spun around and Disapparated.

Her wand still at the ready, and despite the rain falling heavily around her, she sprinted across the small yard to the wooden door and gave it several loud knocks. Mere seconds later, a tip of a wand and an electric blue eye were pointing at her.

Damped, partially covered with mud and slightly trembling, she was surprised to hear herself say:

"Mad-Eye, I need your invisibility cloak."

He opened the door a bit further to scan her with both eyes, from the tips of her red hair to the filthy boots.

"'Bout time!" he grunted.

* * *

She had been in the area just once, and in that particular spot, never. Nonetheless, the dripping end of the enormous pipe, the ancient factory towering over her, the smell of something rotten, it all was very familiar to her form others' memories and her own recurrent nightmares.

Now it was she who was there. And there was the possibility he might be here as well. Just the thought of it made her heart jump in a very funny way. It was not joy, nor excitement but something else, much more deep, aching and relieving her at the same time.

Carefully checking that she was still covered entirely by Moody's cloak, her wand at the ready, she climbed the pipe and slowly started walking, for the first time in real life, this path she now knew by heart.

There were the pitch black insides of the sewers, a bit further, the large tunnel. Now she had to go to the right. The glow coming from the next pipe looked almost exactly as it had done on Moody's memories in the Pensieve; she had finally reached the smaller pipe, where the werewolves dwelled for a long time now.

The damp floor was covered with sleeping figures. Inside the pipes it was not as warm as the outside. At the dim light of the cold fire, Tonks could distinguish dirty blankets and moth eaten rags covering the bodies.

She didn't need to look around, to search for him. There he was and it was as if his body attracted hers, made her immediately look in the right direction.

It seemed, for a moment, that her heart had stopped and her legs would not move any further.

Remus was crouched in the farthest corner and although the light did not reached his features, Tonks knew that she could recognise that silhouette anywhere.

She ordered her legs to walk until quite silently, she got as near as she dared. Standing in front of him, despite the many horrible smells of sweat, rotten meat and filth, she could still feel his own particular scent.

How to wake him up without startling him?

There was no need.

Just as if she had called his name out loud, he raised his head, looking through her at the void space where Tonks stood, covered by the Invisibility Cloak. His front frowned and she could see he was listening intently.

It was now or never.

Carefully, she placed a hand on his head and stroked his hair the way she had done so many times before. Under the familiarity of the caress she could feel Remus' body going rigid. Just as slowly, he raised his hand and placed it on hers, searching for the feeling of it even though he was unable to see. The touch made him gasp almost audibly; Tonks felt as if electricity was running from him in waves of heat.

Tonks took Remus' hand and gently pulled him up. He obliged. Releasing his hand, while hoping he would follow her outside, she started walking down the corridor. Muffled steps behind her made her heart jump with happiness. He was coming.

Outside the corridor she uncovered her right hand and made it hover in front of him. He took it again, almost eagerly, and she leaded the way towards the exit.

She was infinitely relieved to see the dim light of the entrance; taking large amounts of fresh air, she kept walking away from the pipes as quick as possible.

They approached a group of trees and Remus stopped abruptly, still holding her hand and making her almost trip. She turned around and felt the cloak being removed from her body.

He was looking at her intently and she marvelled on how familiar it was to stare at his beautiful brown eyes. He did not look good though, there were dark circles under his eyes, more gray hairs and he looked terribly thin.

"You're here," he finally whispered hoarsely.

"I-"

She could not continue. All of a sudden, Remus' mouth was on hers, his arms circling her body, kissing her with overwhelming intensity. Less than a second later, she was kissing him back.

* * *

She could swear her lips were swollen, but she did not care. How could she when she was feeling...? It wasn't exactly happiness but something much more intense. It was an overwhelming sensation of freedom, of wildness, of finally losing that grip that had made her get away from it all, foreign to everything around her. After all this time, she was feeling alive and she was with him, and those were the only things that mattered.

This was real, the most real thing ever happening to her. Remus' eager lips tasting every possible inch of her skin, his hands finding those well hidden but familiar places in her body and making her feel so many wonderful things at once she was moaning out loud.

Without really knowing how, they had Apparated into her flat and, without stopping their desperate kissing, they had made their way into her bedroom. Just the fact that he was there, with her, was good enough to make her want to burst with joy.

A little roughly he drew back, his fingers tangled on her fiery red hair and cupping her cheek with his other hand. He looked at her for a long moment, as if he wanted to memorise her features. His gaze was so intense she could not even smile at him, but get lost into those amazing eyes.

"You're the most beautiful thing in the word," he whispered hoarsely, caressing her cheek with the tip of her finger.

She felt moisture starting to form in the corners of her eyes, and hastened to kiss him again. She did not want him to see any sign of weakness in her, not now, not today.

His lips and his tongue resumed trailing paths on her bare skin, exploring, rediscovering, making her feel whole again. She did not know now what would happen afterwards, and, not much later, between spasms of pleasure, she decided she did not care either. It was just this moment, her Remus, both of them reaching out for something that ought to be theirs.

When it was finally over, both of them stayed silent, looking at each other in the dim orange light entering through the window. She did not want to break the spell by saying something; his expression was unreadable.

Remus' hands felt a little different on her skin. They were callous and felt scarred. She did not cared though, and closed her eyes in delight when he caressed her back.

"What happened?" he suddenly asked and she opened her eyes instantly.

He was supporting his weight in an elbow to better look at her back, and his fingertip was tracing the outline of something. He was frowning.

"Splinched," she said.

"When?" Just as she had feared an instant ago, the spell was broken. The moment of freedom, of passionate oblivion, was over. He had regained control of the situation.

"Does it matter?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to scream in rage or cry in pain. Why couldn't he just keep caressing her while pretending nothing was wrong?

"It does to me," he said gravely.

"It doesn't to me," she replied.

He didn't look at her anymore, but sat straight, resting his back on the wall, his hands on his knees.

"Why haven't you morph it away?" his voice was cold now, and seemed to be coming for a complete different source than the passionate grunt from not very long ago.

She sat up too and looked at him challenging.

"Because. It's not important, Remus!"

"It is," he stated. They remained silent for a long moment.

Tonks was at a loss for what to do. She did not even know what to think. Stupidly she kept looking at her doted sheets and wishing she had a Timeturner to go back to the moment when they had just Apparated in her flat and started making love.

"I'm sorr-" he started speaking.

"Don't you ever dare apologising to me, Remus Lupin," she blurted, looking at him.

"I've got to go, Tonks," he said, getting on his feet.

"Come again? So now I'm just Tonks again?"

"That's not what I... listen, we shouldn't have, I shouldn't have-"

"What? What shouldn't we have done?"

He didn't say a thing but turned around looking for her clothes lying on the floor.

"You stay where you are, you're not going anywhere."

Remus turned around, his shirt on his hand.

"Don't you understand I have to go back?" he asked harshly, while putting it on.

"You don't have to do a thing! I understand you _want_ to go back and that is something completely different."

"It goes down to the same conclusion," he said, now getting into his shabby pants.

"Maybe. But still-"

"What do you want from me, Dora?," he finally snapped. "I can't give you anything! I can't offer you anything! I shouldn't have come here with you, and make you do this!"

"You haven't made me do a thing I didn't want to do in the first place! I haven't asked you anything! I don't want anything from you!"

"Then?"

"Then," she breathed heavily, "for Merlin's sake, stay put and I'll make you a decent meal before you go. You're thin as hell and it looks like you're in desperate need of something well cooked and warm."

He looked at her for a moment, speechless. She was trembling, and although it hurt more than anything that had happened in the last few months, she knew there was no other way.

"Then you can bloody go and do... whatever it is you're doing there."


	77. This was probably a bad idea

August 30th

This was probably a bad idea. Now, looking at the misty surroundings Tonks was positive this _was _indeed a bad idea. Why was she following it through was something beyond her comprehension. On the other hand, she had never allowed logic to win over her impulsiveness so, why should she start now? Especially these days, when she had been constantly proven that the small amount of logic she might have had was something that had gone missing along with many other important things in her life.

But whatever it was the reason, there was a strong annoying voice telling her from inside her head that approaching a place where she knew a pack of werewolves lived, right after the full moon, couldn't be intelligent.

She had had a bunch of excuses made up in her mind just to use as arguments against this inner voice of hers. Too bad they seemed so useless right now. True, Remus might need something, but that was unlikely. Besides, he had made it perfectly clear before leaving her flat the last time they had seen each other that she was not to come and check on him after the full moon.

Back then she had not even thought about that scenario before, so it could be said that it had been him the one putting the idea in her head in the first place.

_That is even more stupid, Tonks_.

Other of her weak arguments was that, as an Auror, she ought to check if there had been any incidents with that pack. The fact that, if something like that had indeed happened, somebody would already had been told was clear as daylight, making this argument useless.

_So, why in the name of Merlin am I here?_

_To try and see him_, said another voice inside her head and she could have swear this one was mocking her.

She did not want him to see her, that was for sure. He would be less than thrilled knowing that she had ignored his last recommendations and that she had put herself in obvious danger, risking also his mission, the Order's Mission.

_This is pointless anyway._

Under Moody's Invisibility cloak she was scanning around just to confirm that there was nothing there to see. No stealth figures moving, no blood to tell her there had been an incident, nor howls to be heard at the distance.

_Now that's the most stupid idea you've had so far. Full moon has been two days ago! There can't possibly be any werewolf transformed left!_

Sighing deeply she admitted that this was indeed a pointless endeavour. Checking that the cloak was covering her, she started walking into a safe location where the sound of her Disapparation would not be heard.

It would have been so nice to see him, just to get a brief glimpse of him, to make sure he was alright after his transformation. This would be his second transformation without the potion and Tonks could only guess – and flinch at the thought of it – how terrible could it be, especially compared to the relative peacefulness of the very same transformations with Wolfsbane potion.

A soft cracking noise in front of her made her stop on her tracks. She had made a detour to place herself between the werewolves' lair and the town in order to Disapparate safely, but it seemed like somebody else had had the same idea, just in the other direction. A black hooded figure had just Apparated a few meters in front of her.

Wand drawn, the figure looked right and left, precisely through Tonks, who tried hard not to breathe and stay well hidden beneath the Invisibility cloak. It was a man she did not recognise because of the shadow of the hood covering most of his features. The figure paused for a moment, as if he was straining his ears to listen carefully, and then he started walking swiftly towards the town.

_Whatever it is, it doesn't seem right_, she thought before trailing after the figure.

The town was not a magical dwelling, besides of a couple of families. She very much doubted that a visitor of those families would behave this stealthy nonetheless. The figure seemed to be nervous, continuously checking his surroundings and walking fast in the direction of the town.

Some meters away, though, he seemed to have changes his mind and turn hastily to the right, getting away from the small houses and in the opposite direction of the sewers.

The figure kept on walking for twenty solid minutes, now they had reached a small forest and the only part visible of the town was the old factory's chimney. Tonks was getting tired of all this, while considering the possibility that this was just a very eccentric wizard who liked to walk through small forests near non-magic dwellings. She did not buy it though and kept walking until, a very short time later, the man stopped.

_What is it about this particular spot that makes it different from any other in these woods?_

She could not tell, but apparently it made perfect sense to the man. He stood still for a moment, his wand at the ready, and, just as he had done when he had just Apparated, he started looking right and left.

He was waiting for someone, that was clear.

Tonks did not have to wait too long. Somebody was coming as well, and, quite opposite as what she and her pray had done moments ago, they were not troubling on being stealthy. She got quickly out of the way and, just as a precaution, behind a bush, her small noises covered by the newcomer's footsteps.

"You've been spying on us?" he said as a greeting.

The sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine. A raspy voice, a strong arm, dirty fingernails.

"That's none of your business," said the first man importantly, taking off his hood. Tonks could swear there was a small hint of fear in his voice tough, and she wondered if Fenrir Greyback could feel it too.

Now she recognised this man too and a wild smile of triumph sketched effortless on her features. She had been right, this _was _fishy. Anything involving that particular werewolf and a known Death Eater such as Gibbon was bad news.

Greyback grunted and approached the first man, but stopped on his tracks. He had gotten quite still for a moment. Suddenly he jumped looking around and drawing his wand in one moment.

"You alone?" he asked gruffly.

"Certainly," Gibbon said, looking around as well.

Tonks, again, did not dare to breathe. She wandered of he actually knew she was there and, if that was the case, how on earth was that possible.

"There is nobody here, other than you and me," the Death Eater spoke again. "I don't have time to waste."

Greyback gave a last sweeping look around and finally looked at him.

"Who is it this time?"

"We have a few names for you... Heloise Abbot, Amadeus Gulch, Malva Montgomery."

"Should I-?"

"Nothing too harsh, for the moment," Gibbon said airily, "we just need a little persuasion."

At this word, Greyback smiled and Tonks flinched at the sight of the yellowish teeth, which looked so much like fangs.

"Of course," the Death Eater added, "if that's not enough..."

"I'm looking forward to it," the werewolf hastened to say in a low voice. "But," he added somewhat angry, "you've only given me three names. How am I supposed to feed a pack with just that?"

"It is none of my concern to see how you fee-"

He could not speak any longer, for Fenrir Greyback had jumped towards him, and, seizing his throat, was pinning him against a tree.

"I was promised prey," he said so softly it was hard for Tonks to make out the words, "a couple of kids won't do."

"That's not-" blurted Gibbon

"You tell him, you tell him I want more."

Somehow Gibbon managed to free himself from Greyback's grip. With one haste movement he pointed his wand at her captor's neck.

"You listen to me, Greyback, and listen carefully," the small amount of fear Tonks had felt in his voice early was gone. It was harsh now. "You'll do as you're told and you'd be grateful I won't go to 'pass the message' to the Dark Lord, or he himself would be coming over to pay you a nice little visit you'd rather avoid."

The werewolf gave a small step back, but other than that, he did not show a sign of fear and repentance.

"Are we clear?" Gibbon, murmured through clenched teeth.

Both men stared at each other for an eternal moment. Then, Greyback grunted.

Straighten up his cloak, the Death Eater looked at his surroundings and, without another word, he spun in his place and Disapparated.

Greyback stayed on the spot without moving, he seemed to be lost in thought. Tonks was starting to wonder if he would ever leave so she could Disapparate safely when he spun around facing her approximate direction.

"You should know I can smell you," the werewolf said out loud, sending waves of fear down her back. "You might be hidden or invisible but, you see... after a full moon, our senses stay sharp for a while."

He turned around slowly and gave a couple of steps in Tonks' direction.

"And I think I know that smell too...," there was a hint of surprise in his voice, "you've come near our place..."

The apparent calmness in his behaviour made him far scarier and Tonks desperately racked her brains on what to do now.

_The main thing now is not to get discovered._

He was approaching her, and she did not dare to move. It seemed so easy, though. From her position she could just aim a way too disserved killing curse in Fenrir Greyback's direction and get rid of that scum once and for all. The thing was, she was not allowed.

_Damn Auror's code_, she thought, _Damn Order._ _Damn Remus and his damn mission!_

Greyback's death was of no use for them. His capture either. As Remus and Dumbledore and Moody had explained more than once, they had to know the whys and when, they had to get hold of the bigger picture. That was the whole point of Remus being there, that was why she could not simply kill him, or capture him, or even hurt him a bit.

It sucked.

So she did the only sensitive thing she could do. He already knew she was here, so there was no difference really. In a fast movement, she stood up and, still covered with the Invisibility Cloak, she spun around into nothingness.

* * *

She watched from the platform in Hogsmeade Station the flow of students coming out of the train, chatting and gathering in small groups to take the carriages or either, the small ones, following Hagrid to the boats.

He had greeted her effusively and she had made an effort to greet back with a smile, instead of just grunting.

She saw Ginny coming out of a carriage, being helped by a tall dark boy with whom she was holding hands.

_Her boyfriend,_ she thought, and this time her smile was genuine, albeit a little envious.

_How easy it seems to be for teenagers to fall in and out of love. _

Ginny saw her, and hastily saying something to the boy, she broke into a run towards. Before Tonks could stop her, they were hugging.

"It's so good to see you," she said, and Tonks could clearly distinguish a Molly Weasley-ish grimace of concern in her features.

"You too," Tonks replied, trying to sound cheerful enough. "Everything's alright?"

"Yeah, kind of," she said, "Mum said you'll be stationed here?"

"That's the job. Actually, I should be checking on the train right now," she added, partly because it was true, partly because she did not want to talk any further about her 'condition', whatever Molly had told her. That resemblance between Ginny and her mother made her feel rather uncomfortable.

"Oh, right," she prompted. "See you around, I guess,"

"Sure," Tonks muttered, looking at the train again. It was almost empty now. At a distance she saw Ron and Hermione getting off, chatting so vigorously none of them seemed to have noticed her.

_Where is Harry? Shouldn't he be with them?_

Groaning, she scanned the crowd more attentively. No sign of the boy.

_Brilliant_, she thought grimly, looking now at the train. It seemed empty as the crowd climbed in the carriages. And no sign of Harry Potter.

She climbed the train and started looking at the compartments, until she reached one that looked strange; the lids were closed.

"_Homenum revelio_," she whispered.

There was a silhouette lying strangely on the floor. The train lurched, it was going back and she had to hurry. Tonks opened the door: the compartment seemed empty but she knew better. Reaching blindly, her hand touched something silky. She pulled the Invisibility Cloak and suppressed a sigh of relieve. Harry was there, petrified and his face covered in blood, but other than that, he seemed alright.

"Wotcher, Harry," she said, unfreezing him.

They managed it just in time. With the train starting to move, she and Harry jumped into the platform.

His nose was broken and she offered to mend it. It was clear that Harry did not trust her very much to do that. In other times, the situation would have amused her, and she would have taken the advantage to joke with it. Perhaps give him a beard of something of the kind.

Now, however, she only felt... nothing. So Tonks just raised her wand and mended his nose without further ado.

Of course, the carriages were gone; they would have to walk. Tonks did not trust her ability enough to try and side-Apparate them outside the gates, even though that would be the fastest course of action. They would have to walk the long slope towards the castle, and since that would take a while, it would be better to tell them that Harry was with her or they would worry.

Drawing her wand again, she focused on the Patronus she was about to summon. It was so difficult these days to find a happy thought, any happy thought, which could be strong enough to produce a corporeal Patronus, even when there were not Dementors around. The silvery figure finally emerged from her wand. The four legged creature was still there, instead of her chameleon, making her remember _him_, which was the last she would have wanted to think about.

Harry was asking questions and she realised she was answering them mechanically, without really thinking about them. What was Remus doing right now? The only image that came to her mind was him, half crouched in a far corner of the pipes, trying hard not to get too wet or too filthy.

Harry had finally stopped asking questions, but she almost did not notice. Still thinking about Remus, it almost came as a surprise when the great gates of the castle grounds came into sight.

There just had to wait, Hagrid should come in no time to fetch Harry. A lamp glowing at some distance confirmed this... only, it was not Hagrid the one carrying it.

"Well, well, well," Severus Snape's slimy voice made her want to leave Harry as soon as possible and get to the relative calm of her tiny room in the Three Broomsticks. "Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance."

Of course, he had to be an idiot. He said something to her she did not quite catch except for the use of the word Nymphadora in it.

"I meant Hagrid to get the message," she said, trying to make it sound as an insult. How she disliked the man in front of her!

"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead. And incidentally," said Snape, letting Harry get into the gates, "I was interested to see your new Patronus."

_No he isn't. _Tonks thought angrily. _Of all the people in the word why should it be him the one noticing everything was going so wrong in my life?_

He, obviously, had to continue.

"I think you were better off with the old one. The new one looks weak." He finished, closing the gates again with his wand.

It took Tonks all her might not to reach for her wand and hex the daylights out of him.

She stood in front of the gates for a whole minute, looking the figures being swallowed by the dark and trembling in ager.

Turning around quickly, she ran, not in the direction of Hogsmeade but into the woods, tripping on roots and branches, trying to put as much distance as possible between herself and Snape, her memories, and her fears.

Panting, she finally came into a halt in a clearing. The golden lights of the village could be distinguished at a distance but other than that, everything was pitch black.

She breathed deeply and focused again on happy thoughts. Nothing related to those wonderful months with Remus, nor to the past few days, were happiness was almost impossible to find. She needed something much older, a cheerful memory from her childhood, anything.

She remembered the first victory of Hufflepuff's team in Quidditch, the celebration afterwards, the beaming faces of her teammates.

"_Expecto patronum!_"

The silvery light materialised in front of her. It was a wolf.

Tonks glared at it.

"Go away!" she creamed, clutching her wand so tight her knuckles were white.

The creature looked at her with its head cocked to the side. It seemed as if it was whimpering, although no sound was coming from it.

Tired, frustrated, she dropped into the soft ground. The Patronus gave a couple of steps in her direction, still looking at her.

"Why are you here if you're the one I'm supposed to forget?" she asked the silvery figure. It just cocked its head to the other side.

"Fantastic," she said, "now I'm talking to a Patronus. I'm losing it!"

The wolf seemed to disagree with this statement and came as near to her as possible. For an instant, Tonks felt the urge to pat its head, but she knew it was not solid.

"Alright, just... just go," she finally murmured, flickering her wand and making it disappear.

Sighing loudly she stood up and starting walking down to the village.


	78. The liquid inside the bottle swirled

_September 15th_

The blue liquid inside the small crystal bottle swirled as Tonks agitated it mechanically. She never thought it would come to this, but the truth was Madam Pomfrey was right. She needed a long night's sleep without nightmares or disturbances of any kind, or she would collapse. The long guard duties, both for the Order and the Auror's Department, her own aimless nights woken up by worries or bad dreams and just an overwhelming feeling of indifference, of not caring about anything really, were taking a toll on her. It was just too much.

A couple of days earlier, she had found the school matron at the Three Broomsticks. It seemed she had come down for a Butterbeer and some fresh gossip from Madam Rosmerta. Before Tonks could duck her, Madam Pomfrey had recognised her and, crossing the pub, had greeted her enthusiastically. All the cheerfulness went by, though, when the older woman got a proper look at her.

"You look tired, dear. Are you eating well?"

_Of course, trust the matron to worry about this kind of things_, Tonks thought gloomily.

"Yeah, sure," she said flatly.

"Sleeping all right?"

The raised eyebrow of her inquisitor made it impossible for her to lie. Or maybe she just needed to talk to somebody other than Dawlish.

"Not really... lots of nightmares," she muttered, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Do you want me to-?"

"I'm alright, Madam Pomfrey, no worries. I'll be alright."

The older woman sighed, she was worried indeed. Apparently, everybody who looked at her got worried lately. For a wild second, Tonks considered dying her hair pink the Muggle way just to avoid the of surreptitious and worried looks at her mousy brown mane.

Madam Pomfrey considered her for a moment or two, and finally spoke.

"Listen, girl, if you want I can give you something to help you sleep. You shouldn't take it all the time, it's a very strong potion, but I am certain it wouldn't hurt one night of sound sleep once in a while."

Tonks was about to refuse but something inside her was rebelling against that.

_Why not?_

"That... that would be nice, thanks," she finally muttered.

Later that evening, one of the school owls had tapped her window. It carried the small bottle of potion. At first she had ignored it, postponing taking it, almost forgetting that the bottle was there. That morning, though, she had felt dizzy when standing up. Something had to be done.

So now she was looking at the bluish liquid, wanting so much to drink of it and get lost in the tranquillity of a long sleep without dreams. But something was telling her she should not act thus. Maybe it was her inner Mad-Eye Moody preaching constant vigilance, maybe it was just her own paranoia acquired after some time working for the Auror Department. The thing was she was afraid of going to bed. To the usual enchantments she put at her door, she had added a few more wards just to make sure it was nearly impossible to get inside her room.

"Come off it," she told the bottle. "Dawlish is on guard, right? Nothing's gonna happen."

And, as if she had received a confirmation from the potion, she opened the lid and took a very small gulp.

It was almost instant: her eyelids were heavy and her muscles relaxed. It took her all her remaining energy to get to bed and, before she could notice her head on the pillow, Tonks was fast asleep.

Somebody was stoking her hair, or maybe it was a dream... but she was not supposed to be dreaming. So it must be a side effect of the potion. It was an odd though. Pomfrey had not mentioned something like this. If she could only open her eyes...

The stroking continued, but she did not realise it, submerged, as she was, in a wonderful undisturbed sleep.

Much later she was woken up again by soft noises in her room. The potion was wearing off and this time she managed to open her eyes... only to see somebody so unfamiliar in her small room, she thought, again, that she was dreaming.

"Remus?" she said rubbing her eyes, her voice came out hoarsely.

The figure turned around, startled.

"I didn't want to wake you up," he said hurriedly.

"I'm not awake, I'm dreaming," she murmured stupidly. Then she realised, again, that it was not possible. She was supposed to have a dreamless night.

Remus chuckled and she thought it had been a very long time since she had seen him amused by something.

"Wait," her brain was starting to work properly again, "you can't be here... the wards. I've put wards on the door last night."

She tried to stand up but her muscles were too relaxed yet. With some difficulty, she sat on the mattress.

"I know how to undo the wards, I taught you a couple of them, remember?"

Of course. This was no stranger, it was Remus.

_Wait. Remus! How?_

"What- what are you doing here?"

He seemed confused for an instant.

"I... I shouldn't be here, I know that."

"That's not what I-"

"I wanted to see you," he said so low it was almost a whisper. "I- I miss you."

Madam Pomfrey must have made a mistake, she was positively dreaming. None of this could ever be real.

"When did you arrive?"

"Late last night," he replied. "I didn't want to wake you up at the beginning, you looked so peaceful, and then, later, I did try to wake you up, to no avail. Then," he approached her side table and took the crystal bottle almost completely filled with potion, "I saw this and realised I would not be able to wake you up at all, not until the effects go away."

Tonks did not know what to say.

_Why on earth have I taken this sodding potion?_

"You've been here... how long?" she finally managed.

Remus smiled a little.

"Almost the whole night."

"Oh for the Mother of Merlin!" finally she had gotten into her feet, though her knees felt unsteady. "And I slept the whole of it? Why on heavens did I take that thing?" she pointed at the bottle in Remus' hand.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you that very question." His tome suddenly changed, "since when do you take sleeping potions?" he was serious now, but Tonks did not care much, she was pacing the small room, too angry with herself.

"Since never! That was a first! Madam Pomfrey saw me a couple of days ago, she reckons I look tired. So I gave it a try. Oh crap, I'm never, ever taking it again!"

She took a step in Remus' direction and, before he could stop her, she took the bottle out of his hand. Tonks was about to throw it away, but a more urgent thought made her stop in her tracks.

"You're staying, aren't you?"

Remus' face had suddenly lost all expression. He didn't spoke and Tonks' spirits sank even further as realisation came along.

"You were leaving," she muttered, looking at his cloak in his hand.

"Yes," he answered. "I must be back."

_This can be true. There should be a limit for shit to happen!_

She landed heavily on her mattress again, her face buried in her hands.

"Tonks?" Remus asked tentatively.

"'M alright," she said and her voice sounded muffled. She could not look at him. "Just... just go, Remus. Be safe."

For a long moment there was no sound. Finally, she heard the door knob turning slowly.

"Wait!" she had just thought of something.

Even though she hated it, even though she wanted so much to pretend Remus' presence had been just a dream, there was work to do and she had to be responsible.

Remus was looking at her, his hand still on the door knob.

"Since you're here, you could tell me, so I can pass it on to the Order," she explained, trying to sound as business-like as she did when talking to any random Auror. "What is your plan regarding the Abbots and the others?"

He looked puzzled for a long minute. It seemed he was considering she might be still under the influx of the potion.

"What are you talking about?" he finally asked.

"Greyback's mission!" she said a little impatient.

She wanted this to be over soon, she wanted to forget she had seen him, and the longer he would stay, the harder it would be.

"What mission?" Remus asked again.

"Come off it, Remus, the mission Gibbons gave him, to go to the Abbots and Amadeus Gulch and-" his disconcert at what she was saying was evident. "Wait a minute; don't you know any of this?"

"I have no idea what are you talking about. What mission? How do you know that?"

Tonks buried her head on her hands again and groaned loudly.

"I can't believe it. You don't know!"

"What should I know?" Remus patience seemed to be evaporating with hers.

"Are you even living in the pack?" She looked at him again. "Do you see Fenrir Greyback at all?"

"Certainly I do, I live with the pack. You've seen it! I'm doing-"

"You're doing nothing! Nothing remotely useful to anybody!" all her bottled up anger released, Tonks was now screaming and pacing the room again.

"What are you-?"

"I went there, alright? Two weeks ago! I wanted to check on you, even though I knew I shouldn't!"

Remus opened her mouth again, but she continued before he could say a word.

"Of course I didn't see you, but I saw a Death Eater Apparating nearby and I followed him. He went to meet Greyback and he gave him a mission. Three missions, to be accurate. And now, it turns out that you, our undercover agent extraordinaire, had no idea this was going on right under your snout!"

She finished with a hysterical laugh that had not an ounce of humour in it.

He, on the other hand, was speechless.

"This is brilliant, Remus. Just brilliant."

He opened his mouth but it took a time for him to speak again.

"What- what are those missions about?"

Tonks glared at him, she still could not believe this was happening.

"He has to go and threaten Heloise Abbot, Malva Montgomery and Amadeus Gulch. I reckon he will tell them that, if they don't do what Voldemort wants them to do, he'll just bite their kids... or maybe he'll have _you_ biting them!"

"That's not funny, Tonks."

"Of course it isn't. That's what I've been telling you all along."

"It's just a matter of time," he said.

"What is a matter of time?" she could not suppress the toughness in her voice.

"It's a matter of time until I gain their trust," Remus continued, trying to sound reassuring.

Tonks very much suspected this was partly a façade; she was positive she had actually managed to make him finally doubt his mission.

"And anyway," he carried on, "you shouldn't have gone there to begin with!"

"It's not your task to tell me what I should or shouldn't do."

"Tonks, listen, it _is _a matter of time. They'll eventually trust me and I'll be able to prevent more damage."

"And until then, who's gonna look after the Abbots or the Montgomery kids?"

Remus remained quiet again for a long time.

"Still," he said with a distinctive tone of finality. "My method is far less dangerous than yours anyway."

With a haste movement, he opened the door and went out the room, closing at his back. Tonks did not move for a while.

Finally, she approached the side table, taking the small bottle in her hand and making the liquid inside it swirl again.

With a violent movement, she threw the potion, smashing it hard. The liquid left a blue splotch on the wall.


	79. She was done being miserable

_December 26th._

She was done being miserable. At least, she was trying to convince herself she was. True, she still had problems with her morphing, and true, it still ached all over to think about Remus. But it had been enough now, and Tonks had made the decision not to dwell on self-pity anymore and she was stubbornly sticking to it.

To say it was far easier then to do it, though. For the past month, it had been a constant struggle not to dwell on specific sad/happy memories and not to abandon herself into _what if_s and _if only_s. But they (_nope, she_) had reached an all-time low and, after that, Tonks was trying to convince herself, there could only be a road upwards.

There had to be.

She had refused both Molly's and her mother's invitations for Christmas arguing she had duties for the Auror office and for the Order; both women had finally agreed although Tonks very much suspected they had not believed her reasons. And she could honestly say, she did not care.

So, instead of having to pretend around people, she was in her room at her Hog's Head, and as a celebration ritual, she had taken to mutilate gingerbread men with the enthusiasm of a sadistic child, making them move with her wand, and jump to drown into a large chocolate ice cream pot, while toasting the event with a large bottle of Firewhisky.

_The full moon of November seemed to have last much longer than usual. It had been one of those rare clear days in which it was possible to see it even at daylight, and Tonks had the feeling she had been staring to the skies the whole afternoon._

_Maybe it had been that. Or maybe she was just wanting to feel something else than sadness or boredom. Whatever the reason, she was now positive that Apparating again at the sewers where Fenrir Greyback's pack lived, right at the full moon, had been one of the most stupid decisions she had made. Ever._

_The moon was not visible from this part of the country, where the skies were covered with thick clouds. But that had not been the first thing she had noticed. It had been the howling. Although she had had the sense to Apparate at a prudential distance from the refuge, the eerie cries from the werewolves were perfectly audible and they sent shivers down her spine. _

Taking a large gulp from her bottle she had to admit she had absolutely lost her mind on that night. At least it was the only explanation she could came up with now. It had indeed been a very stupid thing to do.

_Hastily, she had climbed a nearby tree and settled between her branches, looking down and waiting. As if it had been a well orchestrated scene, a short time later they came._

_Tonks had never seen a pack of transformed werewolves in her life. All this time she had pictured it just like a pack of regular wolves and, at some point, she had not been mistaken. But there was also something quite different about this group. They seemed to be moving in a much organised way, and not exactly as a pack, guided by an Alfa, but as a group of individuals with similar purposes._

_In the short seconds they had passed not far from her hiding place, Tonks tried to get a glimpse of Remus. She did not succeed; they were not that close, and they all were too alike; it happened too fast to distinguish one werewolf from the others. _

_She waited for a long time, perched among the branches of the tree, looking one way and the other. But nothing else happened. _

___She was cold, sad, and even angry with herself. _It had been pointless, absurd, and above it all, dangerous.

_Now it was probably safe enough to climb down and Disapparate to the safety of Hogsmeade. _

_As soon as her feet had touched the ground, a terrifying sound made the blood in her veins freeze. A deep growl came from her back and she turned around quickly. Just in front of her there were a pair of golden eyes and the massive figure of the werewolf. As a nightmare, the image of another full transformed werewolf jumping towards her came into her mind, and it came as a heavy weight the realisation that no Mad-Eye, nor the rest of the Aurors would be here this time to cover her back. _

_A soft involuntary whimper came from her lips. The growling grew louder. _

_For a wild second Tonks tried to recognise Remus in his features to no avail. She had never seen he transformed, but she was certain, nonetheless, that this was not him. Still, she wandered how he would react when he knew she had been bitten. Because she was positive there would be no escaping this time: she was going to be attacked by this werewolf._

_But it was not this idea that made her hastily point her wand right between the eyes of the beast and prepare for the attack. It was the image of Moody and what would he said if he found out she had been bitten by a werewolf on sheer stupidity. She was not sure then, and she could not be sure now if he would be angry as hell, but she strongly suspected he would not. He would be hurt, and worried in that very uncommon harsh way of his._

_She could not deal with that, and she was not going to be responsible for that._

_The werewolf seemed to be buying its time, closing the distance between them very slowly, preparing for the jump._

"Impedimenta_!"_

_Tonks cry and the beast's jump came simultaneously. The spell did not had the desired effect but succeeded in sidetrack the werewolf's trajectory. She just had to win some time, just a couple of seconds, enough for her to spin around and Disapparate. _

_The werewolf tried to jump again and this time her spell had even less effect. There was no point; his skin was just too well protected. She needed a diversion._

_The brainwave and the according wand movement came in as one. _

"Confringo_!"_

_Her wand, pointing at the earth and pebbles between herself and the werewolf, made the desired explosion. The creature whined a little at the shower of rocks and stones, giving Tonks the two-second frame she needed so desperately. _

_With a triumphal, maniac laugh, she spun around and the next thing she felt was the cool breeze and the warm golden glow of the streets of Hogsmeade._

_She had had no reasons to laugh then. With shaky legs she walked into the darkest corner of the alley behind the Hog's Head and fell on the ground, gasping for air. Tonks felt dizzy and weak; she felt she was about to cry but she fought the tears and a couple of minutes later, she felt she was strong enough to get up and inside her room._

It had been too close indeed, and she had shared the experience with no-body. The last thing she needed was more concern from both colleagues and friends. It was bad enough as it was, with her usual ill appearance and the lack of colour on her, without having to admit she had had recent confrontations with werewolves.

_A couple of days had passed and the trembling of her legs had finally ceased when she saw him. _

_Remus was walking up the path to Hogwarts' gates, right to the place she had been stationed, with one of the scariest expressions she had ever seen on him. It had been in fact so frightening, she could not even be happy to see him again and in one piece after his last transformation._

"_I need a word," he had said through clenched teeth without so much as a greeting._

"_I'm on duty," she replied, dread feeling her insides. _

"_I just need a minute and I don't want anybody to listen to this."_

_Tonks had had barely time to nod; Remus was walking towards the woods and she had to sprint to follow his pace. Thousands of thoughts about why was he there were racing through her brain, but she knew with each and every one of them she was just trying to fool herself. She was almost certain about the reason of his coming to meet her, the reason of his anger, and it felt as though something was freezing her insides._

_Remus did not stop until the gates were not longer visible. Then, he turned around to face her so unexpectedly she almost collided with his chest._

"_What on earth were you thinking?" his sudden roar made her jump back. "Coming to the pack on a full moon? Getting caught?"_

"_How- did- why-?" she stuttered, and even though Remus' question all but confirmed her thoughts, Tonks felt she was unable to form the proper words._

"_It was Fenrir the one you meet! Fenrir Greyback! And you got out just because you were lucky!"_

"_That's not true!" she finally managed to yell back. "I got out because I'm capable enough to!"_

"_That's not the point!" _

_Panting a little he stopped screaming and something in his expression made Tonks realise she was not to talk either._

"_You won't be coming back to us no matter what," he finally said in a hoarse low voice. _

"_But I'm-"_

"_He recognised your scent. He knows you've been there more than once. You can't go back. If you try," he raised his voice to drawn whatever Tonks was about to say, "I shall know, and I will report you both to the Order and to the Aurors."_

_She looked at her incredulously. _

"_You wouldn't."_

"_The hell I wouldn't. I will!"_

_She looked at him properly this time. Remus' face was deeply scared, he was shaking and he looked more tired than she had ever seen him._

"_Don't go looking for me again, Tonks. Never," his voice had been a little calmer then, but still cool and distant. "Don't wait for me either. Look what nearly happened. Do you realised you could have been bitten, or killed?"_

_She just nodded, even though she knew he was partly mistaken. For some reason she could not muster enough energy to produce a retort._

"_I'm not good for you. I know you can cope with danger, I know you've been trained, you're capable enough... but I'm just too dangerous for anybody to be with me. Even you."_

"_But what if-"_

"_Nothing." Yet again, Remus' voice cut across hers. "We're through. I won't come to see you again and I want you to stop looking for me. It's over, Tonks."_

"_But-"_

_She could not talk further. He was gone in mid air._

Stuffing her mouth with the last crumbs of gingerbreads and chocolate ice cream, mixed with another generous swig of Firewhisky she almost admitted it was better this way. Without having to see him, she would not have to worry about him anymore, she could go back to enjoying the beauty of a full moon without thinking about sufferings and hairy things, and she could just forget him and start re-building her life in a more tranquil way.

Too bad she did not buy it.

Too bad he had just marked her life so deeply.

Too bad-

A loud knock at her door made her jump out of her reveries.

"Fuat eezith, Ab?" she called between mouthfuls. There was no reply.

Dawlish was on guard duty and she had convinced her parents she would have to be too, so she did not expect anybody to drop by.

Without letting go of the bottle of Firewhisky she crossed the room and opened the door.

The sight of Remus, looking a bit awkward, made her grown loudly.

"For Merlin's sake, go away!"

It was obvious he did not anticipate this kind of welcome.

"Hello?"

Making a great effort not to notice the scars or the strange bright in his eyes, Tonks took another gulp from her bottle and leaned on the door-frame, blocking his way in. Maybe it was the whiskey, or maybe her attempts to convince herself had finally succeeded; whatever it was, she was feeling strong, and not at all glad to see him.

"Are you Remus' evil twin brother? 'Cause the one I recall distinctly said a month ago he was not to come by and bother me."

He looked sheepishly at his feet.

"I'm sorry."

"Of course you are, you always are."

_Definitely convincing myself I am not to mourn anymore have been positive_, Tonks thought, surprised at her own cheek.

There was a long silence and although she knew she should tell him to go while she could, she just stood there, looking at him.

"Happy Christmas," he finally said.

"And to you. G'bye!"

Finally it seemed that her arms would obey her, and she tried to close the door. The fleet strength she had felt seconds ago seemed to be going away at the sight of his scarred face and his sunken eyes. It was imperative for her to go back to her Firewhisky and try to pretend nothing of this had happened.

"Wait," he extended a hand preventing her from closing the door.

"What?"

"I want to see you Patronus."

From all the things she had imagined, including more telling off, some extra I'm-no-good-for-you rubbish or even angry sex, this was absolutely unexpected.

"What for?"

"Please," he said.

The brainwave finally hit her. _Of course! He knows!_, if she could get away with it without him noticing, she would have hit her forehead hard._ Somebody told him my Patronus have changed!_

Some of these thoughts must have shown in her expression for he spoke again.

"Show me how it looks like now."

She would not, though. Her brain, although confused, was directing her not to.

"Come off it, Remus, why is it important?"

"Well, it is important to me," he stated, looking directly into her eyes.

"I thought we were through," she prompted. She could not get lost into those eyes, not now. "You said so not long ago. And I'd say that 'being through' implies you not caring what my Patronus looks like!"

Remus stayed silent for a moment, he seemed to be thinking thoroughly what to say next.

"Let's say I'm asking just because I have an academic interest on the matter," he finally muttered.

"Bollocks!"

"Please," he repeated. "Then I promise I'll leave."

Tonks shifted her weight but kept leaning on the doorframe.

"You know, Remus, your promises are not as reliable as promises are supposed to be. I could quote you some examples, but I'm just not in the mood."

She looked at him for a long moment and enjoyed the fact that he seemed to be speechless.

"I'll do it though," she suddenly changed her mind. After all, if he did not care, what was the deal anyway? "And then you could go and wish Greyback a happy Christmas for me, would you?"

Drinking from her bottle again, she extracted her wand from the back pocket of her jeans with her free hand. She knew it was much difficult than what she was making it look like. Having Remus standing there in front of her, just looking almost as intently as he used to when they were back together was bringing back both her better and worse memories.

"_Expecto Patronum!_"

Half hoping to see her chameleon back, half giving up any hope, she watched as the great silvery creature emerged from the tip.

It was a wolf alright, there was no possible mistake. The funny thing was, she was not bothered by its presence this time. Both she and Remus watched silently as it trotted around the room and down the corridor a few meters ahead where it stood. Then it turned its head and it seemed as if it was looking at them before vanishing in thin air.

"I see," Remus finally said.

"Yeah," Tonks replied harshly. "You see."

She closed the door with all her might and this time Remus did nothing to prevent her. Leaving the bottle in the side table, she buried her head in the pillows. She did not want him to hear her sobs.

* * *

**AN: Enough angst! Tonks and I are done of her being miserable. Thanks a lot to those wonderful reviewers, I appreciate your patience, encouragement and advise a LOT.**

**Cheers!**


	80. 1997 Getting ready for an Order meeting

Late May

It had been a while since the last time she had sat here, at the Wesley's sitting room, getting ready for an Order meeting. Because of her being stationed at Hogsmeade by the Aurors Office, she had being exonerated of going to the scarce meetings that had taken place almost for the whole year. Any update, news or change of plans had been given to her afterwards by Molly's hen Patronus.

The last Order meeting had been carried on in different location. Many of the members of the Order had resumed the use of number 12 Grimmauld place as Headquarters of sorts, but Dumbledore and Mad-Eye were adamant about meeting some place else every time there would be a considerable number of member to gather. Either it was sheer paranoia or reasonable protection, Tonks was not able to make her mind about their reasons, but it was pointless to argue. Besides, today was not going to be any ordinary meeting. It would be different: Dumbledore wanted to address all of them, personally.

Which meant, she would see Remus for the first time in months.

There was no use of pretending she did not care because she had not thought about anything else since Dumbledore's message had arrived two days ago.

After their disastrous encountering at Christmas, she had almost succeeded in not thinking about him for a while, and maybe she would have been able to keep on that track, had it not been for Kingsley's message in the middle of March.

_The Montgomery kid has been attacked by a werewolf._

Both rage and despair had filled her insides then and, without knowing what to do after not receiving any answer from her colleague or Molly, she had finally gone to Hogwarts to talk to Dumbledore. She needed to know exactly what had happened, she had to be sure Remus was alright, but also she wanted to know why he could not do a thing to prevent this to happen.

The Headmaster was not there, and having found Harry had not proven to be useful at all. He had remained her too strongly about Remus, Sirius and much better times from months ago, when they had not being this miserable.

After that, she had tried to forget him again, and, it had just seemed she had succeeded when the summoning for the Order meeting came. And although she was trying to convince her he would not be there, the truth was there was a small chance, and it was good enough to both light hope and rage inside her.

Tonks was a mess.

So she had arrived almost an hour earlier, only to find the house empty except for Bill and Fleur Delacour who were chatting non-stop about wedding plans. Even though she was on the verge of screaming out loud, and theoretically a happy couple would not do a thing to cheer her up, she could not help but being amused at the situation, oddly enough. There he was, tough Bill Weasley, Gringotts curse breaker and member of the Order of the Phoenix, talking about laces and canapés.

Molly came in short time later, offering everybody tea, dinner and more tea. And as if it had been the cue everybody had been waiting for, the members of the Order started to come.

Mad-Eye Moody was the first one, and sat next to Tonks dedicating her a particularly terrifying smile.

"How's it going, lass?"

"You know me, Mad-Eye," she tried to sound cool enough, "plotting to take over the Auror department."

"Ha! It would be better that way."

"Thanks!" she smiled despite herself.

"It was not a compliment, mind you; I was trying to insult Scrimgeour."

Tonks chuckled. She had not realized how much had she missed this particular part of the meetings: the companionship, the bantering, the cheek retorts hiding a flow of adrenaline. It all had gone lost long ago, and now she realized that too was something she had been desperately missing.

"Why are you staring at me?" Moody prompted at her.

"Nothing, handsome," Tonks hurried to answer.

Her old Master just grunted.

Kingsley and Arthur came in next and she waved, somewhat happy to see them despite their grim faces. This was not a random friendly gathering, Tonks was forced to remain herself; and their solemn expressions had managed to break the small bit of cheerful atmosphere Moody had succeeded to conjure. Now she remembered she was hoping and dreading for somebody else to come.

"How's that good for nothing doing?"

Tonks startled at Moody's question.

_Does he know?_

"Who?"

"Dawlish!"

Tonks shook her head trying to get rid of Remus' image, while looking at Hestia Jones entering the room.

"Dunno, I don't give him much thought to tell you the truth."

"Good for you. I'd hate you to-"

He stopped mid-sentence. Green flames erupted from the fireplace and Severus Snape came in, followed by Albus Dumbledore. Without being able to forget Snape's remark on her Patronus, she scowled at him, but he seemed to be oblivious.

The low voices in the room went quiet at once while both of them settled in mismatched chairs placed haphazardly in the small living room.

"Good evening to you all," Albus Dumbledore started and Tonks had a sudden flashback of a meeting not unlike this one, so long ago. Her very first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. "There are a few matters I wanted to discuss with you in person. I know this is not a regular procedure, so I must apologise for having interrupted you already tight schedules, and for having summoned you from so different parts of the country but-"

He made a gesture towards the kitchen door and Tonks instinctively turned around to see whom he was addressing. The sigh of Remus, pale, weary, but other than that calmly entering the room made her lost the rest of Dumbledore's sentence. She looked back quickly but not quickly enough. For a fraction of a second their eyes had met and she felt her heart doing all sorts of funny jumps inside her chest.

"-been absent from Hogwarts from time to time." Dumbledore continued talking and, holding hard to the arms of her chair, Tonks made a supreme effort to focus on what was going on in front of her. "It had come to my knowledge that there might be a serious attempt to entering the school and that it will most certainly take place while I'm away-"

_So don't go away_, she thought annoyed but she kept her mouth shut.

"-so I'm asking you to be ready for any sudden summoning to the school. I'm addressing to all of you, but I'm referring especially to those who are stationed nearby, Nymphadora and Remus."

_And who?_

Tonks nodded automatically in the Headmaster's direction but she could not hear any further.

The region were Fenrir Greyback's pack lived was far south from Hogwarts, and besides, if Remus was supposed to be doing undercover job, he would not be able to get a message without it being noticed, least of all leave suddenly.

It was obvious. Painfully so. He was no longer living with the pack.

But for how long?

Tonks risked another look in Remus' direction. He was leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets, and he did not move a muscle; this time their eyes did not meet. He was looking fixedly at Dumbledore… too fixedly to say the truth.

She suppressed an impatient huff and kept on doing her best to take in Dumbledore's words.

"-Bill and of course, Hogwarts teachers, Filius Flitwick, Minerva and Severus," he made a small gesture towards the aforementioned professor and Tonks and Moody grunted almost inaudibly.

"What are they after, exactly?" Arthur Weasley asked.

"They might want to take over the school," Dumbledore said dismissively.

Was it her imagination, or was there something else he was not willing to share? For a wonderful moment she forgot all about the past year and jerked her head towards Remus, to share her suspicions with him in that silent way they had had to communicate during Order meetings. There was no point, of course. He was still looking at Dumbledore and she did as well, hastily, wishing for her gesture to have remained unnoticed.

"I need not to tell you that it is imperative to keep Harry Potter out of harm's way, at least for the time being. Next year…," the Headmaster made a sudden pause and briefly looked at Snape, "when he will be old enough, there might be some change of plans around him. But now we must try to protect him."

She was not paying attention anymore. It was just the same old rubbish and this time, she had no body to share it with.

_Where is Remus staying at the moment?_

That treacherous thought refused to go away and she spent the rest of the meeting dwelling on several possible locations that matched not being noticed by her and being near Hogwarts. She was regretting seeing him, and this shallow image of what Order meeting had been in the past. It would have been so much better if she had just called in sick and excused herself for coming tonight!

With that in mind, she was the first one getting up when Dumbledore finally finished, and muttering good bye to Moody while making a non committal hand gesture to Molly, she hastened outside the Burrow. It was probably rude and everybody would be asking what the matter with her was – or maybe just guessed correctly, which was even worse – but she did not care. Gratefully breathing the warm air outside she Disapparated back to her small room in the Hog's Head.

* * *

She woke up few hours later with the answer to her recurrent question. She knew were Remus was staying, she was positive. Both hidden and close enough.

The image of the Shrieking Shack formed in front of her eyes, but she was too tired and holding tight to that last ounce of self respect she considered had left, which was screaming inside her head: _you are not to go there and look for him._

Too bad it was much easier to think it than to do it.

The next morning she fought the urge try to morph into Madam Rosmerta, even if she was not sure she would achieve it, and check around the place. Instead, she commanded herself with a stubbornness she had lacked for the past months to just go to her assigned point, to get the latest debrief from Dawlish and to ignore his sneer remarks about the colour of her hair.

While guarding she kept forcing herself not to think about him, while making wild guesses on what else did Dumbledore know, but did not wanted to share, the Death Eaters were after at Hogwarts. She thought about Harry Potter and what on Earth did he have that made him so important in the fight against Voldemort, she tried to fill her wandering head with memories of her own days at Hogwarts and her weekend trips to Hogsmeade, she even tried to get a glimpse of the school's Quidditch Pitch from her position.

It all was useless. Every shape, every person approaching her spot, made her startle, imagining she was recognizing Remus in everybody's features, fantasising about him reaching out for her.

All in all, it was a long, restless day, and even though she was glad her shift was over, she dreaded the moment in which she would lay in bed, with nothing but her thoughts of him to feel the space. If only she had not smashed Madam Pomfrey's sleeping potion!

A week passed in the same way and she was more certain every day that her theory on Remus being in the Shrieking Shack was not right. He could not be. Hogsmeade was a small town, and even though she purposely avoided going near that way, she very much doubted they could spent that much time without crossing each other's paths. That even without considering the amount of time he had been there before she learned it at the Order meeting.

Nope, he could not be there. Unless, of course, he had been avoiding her. And that made sense. So much sense, in fact, that it hurt.

Tonks was heading back to the Hog's Head at the end of her shift, wanting to take a warm shower and go to bed, when she saw him.

Even if he was walking several meters ahead of her down the Main Street at the golden light of the setting sun, she had the feeling she could recognise that back anywhere. He was carrying a paper bag on his arm and looked so natural one would have thought he did that very same path every day.

Tonks heart started to jump wildly. She stood there, rooted to the spot, wanting to go away and to run towards him and hug him senseless.

She did nothing of the sort, she realised she could not. Tonks just stood there, rooted to the spot, and saw him going away and turning a corner in the direction of the outskirts of the town. The direction of the Shrieking Shack.

Then, she finally ran towards him.

Panting and trying to suppress the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes, she followed him around the corner. He was nowhere to be seen. He had Disapparated.

With a cry of anger, Tonks punched the wall next to her, and tried to catch her breath.

She was going after her theory. She was going to see, once and for all, if he was actually staying there.

Tonks arrived there a moment later. Everything looked as it always had, abandoned and empty. She had to be sure, tough, and clenching her teeth, she walked down the overgrown grass towards the main door. She did not know if she should knock and doubted at the entrance for a second, her fist raised.

Finally, she made up her mind. The loud knocks made the door tremble and, for a wild moment, she had the impression the old house would collide just with her touch. Nothing happened though. No footsteps, nor voices, nor muffled sounds.

Very carefully, she opened the door and entered the dark hall.

Somebody had been there quite recently. There was a dust-free trail on the wooden floor and up the stairs. A travelling cloak hung from a rusty nail next to the front door. Some of the furniture had been arranged and a couple of bags lay on the floor.

"Hello?" she called softly, her wand drawn nonetheless.

Somebody breathed heavily.

"It's you," Remus said from the top of the stairs, looking down at her.

She almost let out an audible gasp but controlled her just in time.

"Yeah," she simply said, "it's me. It's always me."

He was climbing down the stairs, his eyes fixed on her and his expression unreadable.

"I kept wandering if I was to bump into you sooner or later."

"Sure," Tonks prompted, "'cause calling on me would be far too blunt now, wouldn't it?"

Remus smiled a little sheepishly.

"Maybe... maybe I was just afraid you'd close your door on me."

She could not believe it. Indignation boiled inside her at the thought of how many time had it been _him_ the one closing doors on her.

"You've got some nerve, Remus Lupin," she said, realising an instant too late he was trying to lighten up the atmosphere with a feeble attempt of a joke. Knowing that, though, did nothing to improve her temper.

For a long moment, they looked at each other's eyes without saying a word.

"How long have you been here?" she finally asked, trying to sound as calm as possible.

"A while," he said, looking at his feet, "as you've probably guessed."

Tonks looked around with mocked attention.

"Cosy," she muttered. "Definitely beats the Hog's Head. Not to mention all the happy memories this place surely brings you. Not surprised you'd rather be here than anywhere else in Hogsmeade."

He looked more abashed by the second.

"Listen, Tonks, it's just..." his voice died.

"Just?" she asked, her eyebrow raised.

"I guess," he started very slowly; "it was precisely this what I was dreading, what I was trying to avoid."

"Oh. And what is _this_ exactly? Seeing me? Talking to me? Being finally confronted with your own stupidity?"

She had finally lost control of her temper and her voice rose.

"Your mission was a failure! Your going away, pointless! What did you got in the end? Nothing! Nothing but self-recriminations and guilt and loneliness. You're just-"

She could not finish. A silver light crossed the room and a handsome phoenix formed between them, lazily agitating his wings.

"I must ask you to come here at once," Dumbledore's voice said.

The silver figured dissolved. With a heavy weight on her chest, and all the reasons to be mad at him forgotten, Tonks looked for reassurance in Remus eyes, as she had gotten used to so long ago. And, as it had happened back then, that's what she saw in him, reassurance, and that wonderful calm energy he put in every mission.

Without a word, he held the door open for her, while grabbing his cloak, and together, they Apparated at the front gates of the castle.

* * *

**AN: I meant to start writing the battle right away, but this chapter sort of came out of thin air. Thanks a lot, readers and reviewers, new ones and old ones! You're wonderful!**


	81. I know it's stupid

"I know it's stupid, but it all seems _too _quiet," Tonks muttered when she crossed Bill for the fourth time that night.

"It's supposed to be that way," he whispered back.

"I know, I know… I guess I half-expected to find some kids sneaking around to the kitchens or something like that. But I s'ppose with all the wards and new security rules, they are just too scared."

"Maybe," Bill said with a reminiscent smile. "Apparently they are not as we used to be."

"Why, perfect prefect surely didn't sneak around at night, now, did he?" Tonks whispered, pretending to be scandalised.

Bill scoffed.

Tonks beamed at him and walked away, to continue patrolling the area of the castle that had been assigned to her by MacGonagall.

It had happened just as Dumbledore had said at the Burrow days ago. He was gone from the school, as he had done for periods at the time during the whole year. Except this time he was... afraid? There had been something different in him, some unnerving agitation quite uncommon on the Headmaster.

And now she, Bill, Remus and some of the teachers were walking up and down the corridors, hoping that he had been wrong and that there was no need to worry.

Tonks was not sure if it was lucky or not that her area had not a crossing point with Remus'. Their words and her harsh tones from mere hours ago at the Shrieking Shack kept floating in her mind, making it a relieve to meet Bill and Flitwick every once in a while, and get to chat with them even if it was just a few words.

Tonks paused in front of a window and looked down at the grounds. It all was pitch black except for two golden glows at the distance: Hagrid had a light on inside his hut. She tried to distinguish the gates, but her eyes could not penetrate the darkness.

So suddenly it made her jump, there was an eruption of yells not far from her current position. Whatever it was, it was not bothering to keep quiet.

While running towards a passage hidden by an old tapestry, she remembered from her own school days, she could make out the sources of the commotion more clearly. Voices, hurried steps, and the distinct sounds of spells being casted.

Tonks desperately wished she could run faster. Following the yells and roars, mixed with the cries and calls from the figures in the portraits all along the corridors she climbed up a stair. There was dust floating in front of her eyes, and through it she could see the bright lights of spells emerging from the raised wands of confusing silhouettes.

"_Protego_!" she screamed instinctively, while trying to distinguish who was who among the fighters.

The first thing she saw was Ginny's red hair. She was duelling a large hooded someone, who was firing wildly trying to aim at her.

_Isn't she supposed to be in bed?_ She asked herself stupidly, while shooting a hex at her attacker.

She missed, but so did he, and Ginny turned around to see where the spell had came from.

"Tonks!"

"Ginny what happened?" she yelled, while ducking another spell coming from a new figure.

She did not get an answer, somebody else was firing from their side, and both Tonks and Ginny ducked the flash of light crutching to opposite directions.

At the spasmodic flashes of light from the spells, she could now distinguish Remus, Bill and MacGonagall fighting furiously against hooded figures. They were not the only ones tough.

While casting rapid jinxes and trying to protect herself and the others, she could made out another ginger headed person, much taller than Ginny. Ron was fighting along a third person, another student by the looks of it, but she could not distinguish who he was.

The Death Eaters, for there was no doubt what they were, nor time to ask how they had gotten inside the castle, seemed to have a specific goal. At one of the figure's call, a huge blow aimed at the walls sent a shower of stones in Tonks' and the others direction. When she looked up again, all of the attackers were running up the corridor, casting Shield Charms at their backs.

"Snape!" MacGonagall's cry sounded louder than all the spells and the stones heavily dropping on the corridor's floor. "We've got to fetch him!"

"I'll go," Flitwick's voice came from the darkness, and hurried steps indicated that he was going to the dungeons.

Tonks almost did not hear it. She was sprinting towards the hooded figures, firing Stunning Spells that irritably bounced against their Shields. The others were running right behind her, and taking a glimpse at her sides, she distinguished Bill and Remus. The latter looked at her as well, for the tiniest fraction of a second, and she felt as if a new wave of energy filled her insides.

Her next spell hit one of the Death Eaters square in the back of his hand and his wand flew out of sight. Without knowing exactly how, the fray had started again. It took her a moment to realised they were at the foot of the Astronomy Tower.

_There are no dormitories around here, what are they after?_ She thought, panic rising inside her.

One of the Death Eaters climbed up the stair of the Tower. Tonks wanted to follow him, but a spell that missed her by inches made her turn around. Fenrir Greyback was pointing his wand at her, and for an instant she could see his crooked smile, before he raised her wand. She was quick, but Bill was quicker. With a well aimed _Experliarmus_, Greyback's wand flew into the air.

Roaring in rage, he jumped towards Bill who ducked him.

Tonks could not see any further. A hex had hit the third figure she had not recognised at the beginning. Now she knew who he was: Neville Longbottom was lying on the floor, desperately trying to get up, and a Death Eater was pointing his wand at him.

"_Stupefy_!"

"_Avada Kedavra_!"

The loud _thud_ of Neville's attacker hitting the wall in his attempt to avoid Tonks' jinx mixed with the spell that somebody else had cried, and another body felt. The Death Eater that had climb up the stairs to the top of the tower had been hit by a killing curse fired haphazardly by one of his group, the big one, whose hood was now fallen. He did not stop, but continued firing curses everywhere, making them bounce against the walls.

The situation was becoming more desperate by the minute. Bill was nowhere to be seen, and she suddenly found herself fighting along with Remus, three Death Eaters at the time.

A slender blonde figure, a boy, climbed up the stairs, and a short time later the fighting Death Eaters followed him. It all was so sudden that, when Tonks looked around she was surprised to see that besides of the fallen baddy at the foot of the stairs, and the big blond Death Eater who kept shooting spells blindly, there were just them: Remus, Minerva, the kids and herself looking at each other while ducking the curses, as if asking one another what should the y do next.

With a roar of rage, Neville run towards the stair and, as if he had collided with a solid wall, he was shot backwards into the air and loudly hit the floor.

Remus tried to follow his lead, more carefully, but he could not pass to the first step, nor could Ron.

Suddenly Snape came in, and run towards the tower without as much of a pause to recognise what was going on around him. Tonks did not see him again, but tried to prevent Ginny from getting hit by one of the killing curses still being aimed at them.

The jinx, this time, did not bounce against the ceiling, but managed to make it collapse.

"It's open!" Ron called a moment later, starting to climb up the stairs.

Remus and Minerva followed him, and Tonks sprinted in their direction. There was even more dust everywhere and was quite difficult to distinguish anything. However, when Snape and the blond kid emerged, climbing down the Astronomy Tower's stairs, they were clearly visible, and Tonks lowered her wand for a second, trying to avoid hitting them by mistake.

She had to fight back again. Soon enough the rest of the Death Eaters was in front of them, and they were fighting again. Tonks could no longer distinguish who was who, until she saw a wandless figure jump against another one. Instinctively she aimed a Stunning Spell at it and this time she hit target.

Snape was shouting something, while running out of her sight. The Death Eaters seemed to have decided to go after him, and Tonks was about to follow them, when she tripped against something lying on the ground.

She had to suppress a cry of horror. There lay Bill Weasley, his face covered in blood.

* * *

"See you in a bit."

Harry murmured, and trailed after McGonagall, closing the door of the hospital wing behind him. There was an awkward silence and Tonks, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes, focused her gaze upon Fleur, who had resumed mopping up Bill's wounds.

Ginny was asking the room at large about the possible closing of the school. Remus started answering and Tonks realised she did not want to hear his voice anymore. The night had been too eventful and she was too overwhelmed.

First, there had been tiredness and sorrow. Bill had been badly hurt, Neville and Flitwick as well, and they had gain noting. Nothing at all. Dumbledore, the one they all looked to when they felt they needed guidance, was gone. And after that she could now add shame and anger of her most recent outburst. There was one thing to yell at Remus when they were alone. Quite another one to burst out the way she just had, in front of so many people. But still, she felt she had had the right to act thus. She had had enough, in all possible senses of the word, and she wanted out of her feeling this hurt all the time.

The sound of Remus' hoarse voice just made her feel worse.

"I…" she murmured huskily. She cleared her throat and Ron, who had been starting to say something, went silent. Everybody was looking at her except Remus, who remained staring intently at his own feet. "I'll go out, send a Patronus if you need me."

She turned around without waiting for an answer. For a wild moment she imagined Remus would follow her but she did not hear a sound at her back. No one has moved. She closed the door and headed outside as fast as she could.

The crowd that she imagined had gone to the foot of the Astronomy Tower to pay witness of Dumbledore's dead was almost completely dispersed. There were small groups of students in different levels of shock or sadness, most of them in their night clothes, heading back to their dormitories. Nobody paid the sightless attention to her as she walked in the opposite direction, and she thanked being left alone.

Tonks needed to clear her mind. She would love to go to her room in the Hog's Head and sleep but she knew she was too awake now. Besides, her presence might still be needed in the castle; she had to stay close by.

She breathed deeply as she descended the slope heading to the burned wood and ashes that mere hours ago had been Hagrid's cabin. She could not help to recreate her previous outburst. What had she been thinking? It had been a mistake to shout her feelings for Remus in front of everybody but back then it had been as if something inside her had broken. However she had to stop acting impulsively.

_I have to stop seeing Remus._

Tonks was brought to a halt in her tracks, struck by her own thought. It was not a new thought at all; why did it feel so different now?

She had known it all along and now she had been forced to admit it several times but, truth to be told, she had never actually believed it. The fact that she was still in contact with him, that she had to work with him, that she had consciously looked for him had been doing her no good. It had to end. From now on she would have to maintain her distance because she'd had enough.

Her constant thinking about Remus was keeping her for doing her work for the Order properly, it had interfered with her morphing, it was depressing her. The right thing to do, though it would be hard, was to stop seeing him altogether, and to let go of the idea of waiting for him There was nothing to wait for now.

She had to put an end to the situation.

Even if it hurt more than she could not imagine, it was time to realise she would not be with him again, they would not share time together anymore, she would not feel his arms around her or his lips on hers. It had been over for a long time, the moment he had left her apartment to join Greyback's pack, so many months ago.

She was going to ask whoever it was in charge of the Order now, probably McGonagall or Mad-Eye, to assign her with someone else. She had to be strong enough to do this. She will do whatever it takes to get over Remus Lupin.

With all this new determinations, Tonks decided she could go back to the castle and, even if only to herself, she was going to prove she could be strong enough to maintain her decision.

She turned around and almost collided with Remus who had been walking quickly and quietly in her direction.

Was this a sick joke? The person she had just decided she would not see again was in front of her, less than one foot apart. His expression seemed to mirror the determination she had felt she had, his eyes were gleaming and his jaw was set.

She opened her mouth to speak, to tell him he did not need to worry anymore. That she, finally, had decided she would not continue hoping he would change his mind sometime. She wanted to tell him that she had decided to forget him and move on.

But she could not.

For Remus had closed the distance between them and without her realising how, he was kissing her fiercely.

Tonks stood there, eyes wide open and arms limp at her sides. This could not be happening, this would not happen, she had to stop it. Regaining control of her arms, she pushed Remus' chest with all his might and their kiss broke apart. He looked at her puzzled but stepped back.

She gave him an infuriating glare and started walking to the castle, without saying a word. She had to be strong. If she gave up now, everything would be so much difficult later.

"Tonks," he called after her. "Wait… Tonks, wait, please!"

She had to admit she was not strong enough after all. Not when he was speaking with such intensity, not when he was pleading her to wait for him.

Tonks stopped and Remus caught up with her.

"This was wrong," he murmured.

"I know it was wrong Remus," she said, her voice was firm. "You shouldn't kiss me if you're going to regret it later and tell me those well thought excuses you come up with every time you get too scared to let your feelings win over that stupid brain of yours!"

"I wasn't going -"

"And if you ever cared about me, if you still have some respect for me left, please let me go. I promise I won't do this any longer. I give up! Are you happy now?"

"What?" he asked taken aback.

"I'm saying," Tonks said stiffly, "that I won't be looking for you anymore. I won't ask anything from you. I've done everything I could and I can't take it anymore. I'll try…" she felt she was about to start crying; she cleared her throat and said slowly. "From now on I'll try to forget you."

She forced herself to look at him and regretted it at once. Remus expression was devastated, he was staring at her in disbelieve.

"Don't," he whispered.

"What?"

"Don't. Don't try to forget me, please." There it was that pleading voice again.

"Rem-"

"I love you."

Those were the words she had wanted to hear him say to her for months now; the very words she now wanted to forget he ever said. Why was he speaking them now?

"I know you do. And I know that you'll say it's because of _that_ we can't be together. I've heard it before, I don't need to hear it again, thank you very much."

"You don't understand," Remus approached her again and took her hands. It felt so right to be held like this, but she needed to forget it.

"I love you," he went on in a soft voice, looking fixedly into her eyes, "I want to be with you. You were right all along; it was stupid to think otherwise. I just can't be without you."

Tonks stared at him, stunned.

_After all this time am I actually hearing Remus saying all this?_

"You…?"

She could not continue.

He was kissing her again, softly this time, barely touching her lips. This time Tonks closed her eyes and abandoned to the wonderful sensation. It must be a dream. This could not be real. She drew apart just a bit, she had to look at him, to be sure he was there with her.

Remus was smiling warmly at her. He wiped off a tear of Tonks' cheek; she had not realise she had been crying.

"Is this for real?" she whispered.

"It is," he said with that hoarse voice she loved, and hugged her as close as possible.

Tonks rested her head on his chest and sighed deeply, feeling her lungs with his scent. She felt him chuckle and looked at him inquisitively.

Remus did not say anything but pulled gently one lock of Tonks' hair for her to see it. It was a bright bubblegum pink.

* * *

**AN: I must confess, the second half of this chapter was born after the first drabble I ever wrote. It went through an extreme makeover, though.**

**Thanks a lot to all of you, reading this and sometimes even reviewing this. And special thanks to dinosoprano who just volunteered to do some serious grammar beta work on this tale.**

**Cheers!**


	82. In her bed, fully awake

She was lying in her bed, fully awake, torn between happiness, incredulity and fear. A fear that had been starting to grow, and now it felt so deep, so immense, it was as if she was about to collapse from it. A fear that, slowly, was winning over all the fantastic burst of wonderful sensations she had had for the past few hours, making them seem like an old fading memory. Remus had made love to her again, the way he used to so long ago, when nothing seemed so serious to be more important than their shared moments together. But all that was becoming irrelevant now, on the face of what she was sure would come in a short time, when he would wake up and found himself facing this situation, _their_ situation, yet again.

At her side, sound asleep and completely oblivious to her predicament, Remus breathed softly. With some difficulty, she took her gaze of the peeling ceiling of her room in the Hog's Head and looked at him. She all but wished she could be as peaceful as he seemed to be.

Tonks could, of course, try to wake him up. But she knew that, by doing so, her deepest fears would become true.

She had indeed been stupid. She had fallen for it, once again. Both of them had been taken over by their shared moment of sadness, maybe even desperation, of utter loneliness and need of comfort. They had said many things, some of them might have been right, many of them probably not; either way Tonks was sure most of them would now be regretted.

And now, she was going to be forced back to that place she had vowed just the night before she would not be again.

_So much for being firm and strong in my decisions,_ she thought grimly, looking at the ceiling again.

At her side, Remus stretched a little but he still did not wake up. Tonks could not make her mind if this was for better or worse. She dreaded him waking up and saying whatever he would say that would ruin her life but, on the other hand, her current situation, one of being attacked by her own fears, was not much better.

It was worse, as a matter of fact.

_It'd be better to just wake him up, hear whatever excuse he comes up with this time and see the back of him for good_, she thought angrily, but did not do a thing.

He moved again, and Tonks, stubbornly looking at the old ceiling almost startled when she felt his hand softly stroking her shoulder.

He did not say a thing but continued trailing invisible paths on her arm.

For a moment she let herself get lost in the feeling of his touch, and closed her eyes trying to put all her fears away. There was nothing, nothing but his being here, nothing but his touch.

Too bad this was not true.

"What's the matter?" he finally asked.

Tonks opened her eyes again and felt water in her eyes. She wished he would not notice.

She wanted to say something but she could not find her voice. Something felt different in the way he had talked to her, but she could not put her finger on what it was.

"Dora?" Remus called tentatively, whipping off the tear that was treacherously running down her cheek with the tip of his finger, just as he had done the night before.

She finally turned her head and looked at him again.

"Wotcher," she whispered hoarsely, and her voice was barely audible.

He looked at her for a long moment, his hand on her arm without moving, and Tonks flinched.

_This is it. Now he's going to speak and say-_

"You're so beautiful," he murmured.

_Not exactly what I had in mind, _she thought puzzled.

But she had to know, nonetheless. Looking at the ceiling again, as if she would find there the courage she needed to face what was about to come, she spoke slowly.

"Are you-" her voice was barely audible, and she cleared her throat. "Are you leaving?"

Now it was his turn to look puzzled.

"Leaving? Do you... do you want me to-?"

He frowned slightly at her and a moment later, his expression became understanding.

"Come here," he said, and opened his arms for Tonks to cuddle at his side.

She obliged, even though she felt unsure. Something in the small room, on the bed between them, felt as if it was about to break loudly.

_Is it possible that this time…?_

She did not dare to finish her own thought. It was too overwhelming and definitely too dangerous to think along those lines.

"You must know," he whispered, so close to her ear that his breath sent pleasant shivers down her neck, "that I've never stopped loving you. Not once, not for a second."

She raised her head to look into his eyes.

"All this time," he went on, "I wanted nothing but to protect you."

"I don't nee-" Tonks prompted.

"I know," he said, cupping her cheek, "please let me finish."

She smiled faintly and forced herself to silence.

"I know you don't need protection. I know you don't want it. I know you've chosen exactly the opposite. And still, I didn't want it to be me, the one putting you into much more trouble, the one making you waste your life."

Tonks bit her lip. Even though there was a heap of possible answers for this, she had to be patient.

"But safety is something so feeble, actually," he went on. "And… even though I think sometimes I don't deserve any of this, the truth is that, for some unfathomable reason you've chosen to be with me."

"You've gotten that part right," she replied without being able to stop herself.

He chuckled softly.

"It took me a while to understand there is nothing I can do about it. That going against it is just making you and me miserable. And… to tell you the truth…"

He trailed off and remained silent for a long moment.

"The truth?" Tonks asked, not wanting him to stop talking.

"The truth is, Dora, I was actually afraid of getting hurt."

She raised an eyebrow, not sure of understanding.

"How? By me?"

Remus stopped looking into her eyes, and fixed his gaze on the closed window.

"I've… I've lost everybody, everything, once, and again, and all over again. I didn't... I couldn't bear the possibility of you going as well. Of you leaving me, of you realising I'm no good for you... of you going like... like Sirius."

His voice trailed off again but this time she did not say a word either.

_He had been afraid of her leaving him? Of him getting hurt? By her?_

Had he not been so solemn the idea would have been ludicrous; it was not.

And Tonks finally realised he was not going anywhere; that, when he had said the night before that it was for real, he had really meant it.

"For a moment there, I almost forgot he is gone."

It took her a moment to realise who he was talking about.

"Dumbledore," he added, sensing her confusion.

She nodded.

"It is sort of... shocking," she agreed. "I mean, if _he_ could die sort of makes you realise we all could."

He pulled her closer and kissed her fringe.

"We could," he said, his lips touching her skin.

"So we better make the best out of the time we've got left... and hope it's long!"

Remus nodded, but did not speak.

Both stayed silent. She had the feeling nonetheless, she had to say something. She had to let go to some of the grim thoughts that had accompanied her all those long months. And even though this could turn into a fight, she could not stand much longer to stay there as if nothing had ever happened, just pretending she was at ease with her own fears.

"How could you?" she whispered.

Remus did not answer and she raised her head to look at him again. He looked confused.

"How could you make me… us that? All that suffering, all the damage, and knowing you could have stopped that... how could you?" her voice raised a little and it sounded full of reproaches.

"I..." he started, looking at the window again. "I was a fool. I'd thought it would not take long for you to recover, I didn't realise the damage I was causing you-"

"And you?" she prompted.

"It's not me I was worried about," he said dismissively.

She looked at him feeling, once again, that she had so many things to say, but againt it seemed better to let him speak.

"It was when I saw your Patronus that I realised..." he continued. "I knew then I had to come back, but there was the mission, and the fear of putting you in danger... and my own overwhelming fear... but, Dora," he looked at her again, "I want to spend every possible moment trying to make it up for you."

"For us..." she whispered.

He smiled grimly.

"For us," he agreed, bending forward to kiss her again.

Tonks closed her eyes, getting lost in a feeling she thought she had forgotten. He was there, finally, and he was going to stay.

She was placing her head back on his chest, but he suddenly sat up, making her sit in front of him as well. There was in his eyes a glow of wild happiness, but he looked somehow insecure at the same time, and yet it was with an odd solemnity that he spoke.

"Marry me."

Her brain for once absolutely empty, she looked at him for the longest moment.

"Marry me, Dora," he repeated, his eyes looking for an answer in hers. "Would you be my wife?"

For a second she considered he had suffered some kind of permanent damage from the fight of the previous night. Or maybe it had been her the one damaged by the fight, and now she was hallucinating.

"You want me to-" she croaked

"To be my wife," he simply said, without blinking.

She looked back at him, trying to make out the whole extent of what he was saying.

Utterly surprised, she heard her voice as if it belonged to somebody else.

"Yes."

Remus looked at her and for a moment it seemed that he could not believe what she was saying. And then, his expression of incredulity was replaced by a smile Tonks had almost forgotten he could manage. That mixture of tenderness, of childish enthusiasm, of content and mischief in the making that made her smile as well, without being able to prevent it.

"Would you marry me?" Remus asked again, beaming.

"Yes," she repeated, and this time it was her voice again, and her lips, and her body, all of her aching to say that small word.

He pulled her closer and kissed her with a mixture of urgency and relief, and she was kissing him back, with as much intensity, wishing for all of this to be real.

"Remus," she whispered between his kisses.

She had to be sure.

"Remus," she repeated, loudly this time.

He looked at her, curiously.

She took a deep breath.

"Do you mean it?" she just asked.

His expression fell a little.

"I wander how long will it take for you to start trusting me again." He said. "It's not that I haven't earned your mistrust," he added before she could interrupt her. "I just... I wish I could wipe your doubts away."

"Me too," she said.

"Let me try," he murmured, approaching her lips again. "Please, Dora, let me make you trust me again."

* * *

**AN: I just figured that after all the angst, they kind of deserve an all-fluffiness moment. Cheers!**


	83. Of all places

Of all places both in the magical and in the non-magical community, she would have never anticipated they would hold an Order meeting in McGonagall's Transfiguration classroom at midnight. Coming to think about it now, why should that be so strange? After the previous events, they just had to admit war had begin and nothing they had made before had prevented it. So now, any place was good enough to try to fight back.

Walking up the slope towards the gates besides Remus she wandered how would the classroom look like with all those veterans sitting on the chairs; but mostly her mental questions focused on the fate of the Order of the Phoenix. Who would be in charge now? Minerva McGonagall? Mad-Eye Moody? What would they be tasked to do now?

She and Remus had, since that morning, long discussed the matter of the new organisation of their group. The fact that they should carry on with their mission was plain obvious for both of them, but the matter of how was not that clear. They could not make much further plans and Tonks very much doubted the whole Order would be able to. Now that it was a reality that Voldemort was getting stronger, it was terribly difficult to imagine on what kind of scenario they would have to act from now on.

The massive outline of Hagrid was silhouetted behind the great iron gates of the castle and it put a stopper onto her flow of circling thoughts. Tonks was relieved to see he had stopped his loud sobbing from the previous night. Still, at the dim light of his lantern it looked as if he had a bad head cold.

"Wotcher, Hagrid," she said softly.

"'llo" he murmured, answering to Remus' hand gesture with an obviously painful tap on the back.

"Are we waiting for somebody else?" he asked.

"No this way," Hagrid replied hoarsely, "Moody came awhile ago an' the others'll use the Floo."

He started walking up the slope in the direction of the school. It looked quite dark except for a handful of tiny golden lights in the top of two of the towers, and the gamekeeper's lantern bobbing in front of their eyes.

"Kingsley and Arthur've been on guard since last night," Hagrid added. "Me too. Professor McGonagall reckons that with Dumbledore... gone-" his voice broke a little, but he continued nonetheless. "Ya know, things could get nasty an' all."

Tonks wanted to pat Hagrid's shoulder in comfort but the truth was she had the feeling she needed as much reassurance as him right now. Somehow, for the past hours, even while talking about their current situation, being with Remus had made it all less grave. Hagrid's presence now, combined with the dark castle and the fresh memories in her mind were making it all seem too real and terrifying again.

Filch was patrolling the Great Hall with Mrs. Norris at his feet. He looked at them and grunted as a greeting. Tonks could not make out his expression, but she wondered if he was sorry or not after Dumbledore's death. He had never seemed too fond of the Headmaster. She put the thought aside, hastily; they had business to do.

The marble stair wore still some signs of the fray of the night before. Part of the veranda was missing and instinctively looking at the wall, Tonks saw that despite the Gryffindor hourglass had been repaired, it was empty of rubies.

"I'll go fetch the others. Ya know the way" Hagrid said, making a vague hand gesture towards the top of the stairs.

Tonks and Remus nodded and he walked down another corridor with long strides sounding loud on the emptiness of the castle. Besides of the reinforced security measures, it was too late for the students to wander around.

She sighed.

"Is it as strange for you as it is for me to be here?" she asked Remus, resuming her walk.

"Do you mean the school?" he answered.

"Where else?" she prompted, trying to hide her melancholy in a burst of bravado. It sounded strange and it was with a much softer voice that she carried on. "I've been here just a few times since I left, and each and every one of them it seems that younger versions from me and my schoolmates could come around a corner any minute."

Remus chuckled and grabbed her hand.

"I see what you mean," his voice suddenly dropped and became much graver, "although the battle of yesterday remains much clearer in my mind than anything else."

Tonks sighed.

"Still," Remus continued, and he sounded a tad cheerful again, "there are some things no matter how much time would pass, I could never forget."

Pulling her hand he walked a little faster until they reached a faded tapestry.

"This one, for example, hides-"

"A corridor leading two floors below," Tonks prompted resuming her walk and smiling with cheek, "come on, Remus, _everybody _knows that one."

"Really?" he arched an eyebrow.

"Please, first years' stuff."

He smiled at her and she beamed back.

"But," she continued, "if you wished to get to McGonagall's faster it might be better to-"

"Walk through the wall behind the suit of armour over there," he said winking at her. "Shall we?"

She obliged, chuckling softly. Despite of all the time passed and of the uncertainties they were facing, for a small moment she was sixteen again, rushing so she would not be late for a class after an early Quidditch practice.

The corridor at the other end was dimly lit by torches on the wall. The door of McGonagall's office was ajar, and more light emerged from it. Muffled voices carried on in hurried tones, making Tonks forget all about the excursions of her school time.

"We have to vacate the premises!" Mad-Eye Moody's voice came clearly from inside the room, accompanied by a loud bang. He probably had slapped the table with his hand, carried away by some emotion.

It was enough to erase the brief loose moment she and Remus had just shared. Without a word, he pushed the door opened and, not letting go of Tonks' hand, he entered the room.

Minerva, Arthur, Molly and Mad-Eye had grabbed chairs from the desks and were sitting forming a circle around the teacher's desk. Steaming mugs and a plate of biscuits rested on the table.

Tonks had been right. It looked quite odd to see this people instead of young students in their school robes taking notes and asking questions.

"Good evening," Minerva greeted.

Moody grunted, but nobody else said another word. Molly's eyes were swollen and Arthur looked as if he needed a week's worth of night rest.

"Wotcher," she murmured.

"Good evening," Remus said quietly.

Arthur pointed at two empty chairs and Tonks took one of them, sitting next to Molly. The older woman gave her a sad smile, looking at her electric blue locks; Tonks took her hand and squeezed it.

"How's Bill?" she whispered.

Molly made a would-be dismissive hand gesture that did not quite reach her eyes.

"He'll be alright. I've just been down at the Hospital Wing. Fleur's with him now, but she'll come up in a minute."

A knot formed in Tonks' throat but she managed a smile. Mad-Eye started talking again.

"So, I'll go there and empty-"

"What are you talking about?" Tonks interjected.

"Grimmauld Place," McGonagall said. "Snape is into the Fidelius Charm; we've got to take out the few things we've left behind."

"And I'll do it-" Mad-Eye said loudly.

"But he might already be there, Alastor; you could be walking into a Death Eaters' nest!" Minerva drowned his voice.

"And you think I won't be able to cope with it?" the old Auror said coolly, drawing his wand and placing it pointedly at the table, less than an inch apart from his hand.

"Of course you wouldn't! What if there are five of them, or then, or-"

"Don't be stupid, Mad-Eye," Tonks spoke harshly.

"What?" he rounded up at her with a murderous expression.

"Don't be stupid!" she repeated, and then in a much calmer voice she added, "and incidentally, don't yell at me. I'm coming with you."

"To learn?" he scorned at her.

"To teach you as a matter of fact," she added.

As a reply, he buffed.

"Still, they could be too many for you," Arthur said.

"I'm coming too," Remus said, "and I think that, whatever there might be there waiting for us, they will have a hard time anyway. And I agree with Mad-Eye. It has to be done quickly."

"But somebody else-" Molly said.

"I don't think we could go without any more members," her husband answered slowly. "We have to stay and guard the school, and Kingsley must not leave the Muggle Prime Minister unless it is absolutely necessary... we can't afford to send a small army there."

"Are you trying to form an army?" Fred's amused voice came from the door.

"Excellent! We're signing in," George added.

There were followed by Fleur, who looked pale and unusually quiet, but with an energy Tonks did not remember ever seeing in her. Hagrid and Hestia Jones were closing the door behind them.

"So," Minerva cleared her throat. "We're all here; at least, all of us who could make it. The agreements of this meeting will be passed on to the others in due course."

"There is something urgent," Moody prompted. "We have to secure Potter out of his relatives."

* * *

She remembered little from the last time she had been walking on the agonising grass in Grimmauld Place. Back then she had been beyond sadness; she was barely aware of her surroundings, putting one foot in front of the other, reacting automatically to whatever had come. Now, with Remus at her side, in a mission leading by Mad-Eye, it seemed that those memories belonged to another life.

There she was, doing what she was better at, feeling powerful and ready to fight. Tonks was back at her element.

They had flown to the place, not daring to Apparate in case somebody was waiting. With well casted Disillusionment Charms, and being extra careful not to make any unnecessary noises, they had circled the area from the skies, flying lower every time, until they were sure nobody was there, concealed or not.

Now Moody was leading the way up the marble steps. Tonks glanced around yet again. It all looked just the same, the brass snake shaped handled, the peeling paint on the door... The old Auror tapped it with the tip of his wand. A series of clicking noises came from the inside and, a moment later, the door opened. Their wands at the ready, the three of them entered the dusty hallway; Remus closed the door and the gas laps glowed on their own accord.

It looked exactly as it always had: dusty, eerie, abandoned.

Moody gave his wand a wave gesture towards the kitchen and a bluish glow emerged from the tip. He repeated the gesture pointing at the ceiling.

"Nobody's here," he grunted.

"That doesn't mean the place is safe," Tonks prompted.

Her Master grunted again. Slowly, he started walking towards the kitchen. Remus headed to the parlour and Tonks, trying hard to be extra careful and not to trip on anything, took the stairs.

The first landing was empty, and a thick layer of dust covered almost every surface. Tonks looked into every room; they looked abandoned, except for one where it seemed somebody had slept on the bed.

She heard the cracking of the steps and a second later, Remus was at her side.

"Apparently he's not being here yet," he murmured. "I reckon he's not interested in the place. As it is, he already has all the information he could pass to the other Death Eaters."

"You're probably right," Tonks muttered. "Bet he's enjoying all the glory right now."

Together they climbed up the next flight of stairs. The rest of the rooms looked just as filthy and abandoned as the ones Tonks had just abandoned. The same happened with the rest of the house.

Finally, they climbed down the stairs to meet Moody. He was standing in the middle of the hallway, making complicated wand movements and muttering under his breath. After a moment he stopped, and looked around as if he was searching for something.

"Something in your mind?" Tonks asked forcing a scorn in her voice.

"As a matter of fact, yeah," he answered, facing them. His wand was still at the ready to resume his complicated spell casting. "I want you to bring that old hag back here; we're hanging her on the wall again."

"Walburga? No way! She's a nightmare!" Tonks protested.

"Exactly," Moody answered, looking away from them and muttering again.

Rolling her eyes Tonks spoke again, with a weary voice.

"And where is it?"

"In the drawing room," Remus said, "I reckon Mundungus put it there."

"Alright," she muttered.

"I'll be down the kitchen, I'm gonna summon that good for nothing elf and have a word with him!" Mad-Eye cried after them.

The life size portrait had been placed on the floor facing the wall. It was silent, just the way Tonks had left it the last time she had seen it.

Remus drew his wand and pointed at it.

"_Locomotor canvas!_" he whispered, and the portrait soared a couple of inches and floated in front of them.

Moving his wand one direction and another, Remus made it go down the stairs.

"I wander how it felt," he murmured.

"What?" she had been distracted by her own memories and it was after a moment that she could understand what he had just said. "What do you mean?"

He looked at her, puzzled.

"Don't you know? Kingsley found it face down lying on the floor, some time ago. At first we used to just walk around it, but she was still woken up by our footsteps, so they put her away,"

"Oh," Tonks said blankly.

She had not been there in a while, getting the news from Minerva or Molly while being stationed in Hogsmeade. As a matter of fact, she had not been there since that time when Walburga Black had fallen off the wall. Because of her.

They had arrived at the black curtains that used to hide the portrait.

"It is a shame to have to put her back," she said thoughtfully.

"Don't worry," Remus said. "We're not using a permanent sticking charm this time. We'll just hang it there."

Each of them grabbed one side of the enormous canvas and lifted it with a jerk. The sudden movement, so different from the gentle soaring directed by Remus' wand, finally woke her up.

"FREAKS! ABOMINATIONS! HALF-BREEDS!"

"Charming as usual, auntie?" Tonks asked, panting a little under the weight of the portrait, while Remus tried to direct it to the hanger on the wall.

"YOU!" she shrieked, louder than ever, "YOU DARE COMMING BACK AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME? YOU DARE HOLDING ME AS IF-"

"Just a little to the right," Remus muttered through clenched teeth. "There!"

"- YOU DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE BI-"

"Shut it!", Tonks yelled back, pulling the curtains closed.

The cries stopped at once and she leaned on the wall

"She seems to be in good spirits," Remus said softly.

Tonks smiled at him.

"It runs in the family."

"Of course it does," he said, walking inside the parlour. "She seems to be especially cross at you."

Tonks sighed.

"I'd hope she is."

Remus arched an eyebrow in a mute question.

"Well, if you must know, I'm the one who took her off the wall... and not precisely gently, mind you."

Remus looked at her, bemused.

"How did you managed? We tried everything and she wouldn't-"

She shook her head.

"Dunno how..."

"Don't you remember?"

"I can't even tell what sort of spell did I use. Only..."

"Yes?" Remus asked, his eyes fixed on her.

"Well, the only thing I know is that I was really angry at you when I did it."

"Oi!" Mad-Eye entered the room, carrying a sack full of rolls of parchment. Whatever emotion that had started to form on Remus' expression, was gone before she could read it. "It's finished, let's go."

* * *

**AN: ****Thanks a lot to those kind kind reviewers and to those who fav'ed this tale.**

**And also, I will be on a hiatus of sorts until after Christmas. A lot is going on in my life right now and I'm positive it will be extremely difficult to find the time to write. Please, be patient! I won't abandon the Multicoloured witch, I promise!**


	84. The feeling of the bright morning sun

She opened her eyes slowly at the feeling of the bright morning sun on her face. It took her some time to realise where she was. Of course the room was familiar, the shelves full of vandalised dolls and worn out books, the window covered in Muggle stickers, the balloon-shaped lamp and the faded posters of the wall.

After having lived on her own for a while now, her childhood bedroom seemed oddly detached, almost as if it belonged to somebody else, or to another life.

And now, Tonks thought, stretching under the sheets, what she was about to do was like entering into yet another life. A wide smile spread across her face as she thought about Remus. Would he be awake by now? Would he be nervous?

Her smile started to fade as a terrible thought crept along the others.

_Would he be here?_

She had to put that thought aside, she decided, while jumping out the bed.

_He better not be thinking about any of that or I'll personally go find him and finish him for good. Even if it's not the cheeriest of thoughts for your wedding day._

She was not tranquil anymore, though. And given hers and her soon to be husband history, who could blame her?

Tonks opened the bedroom door and peeked out. It was still too early and her parents were asleep. A sudden memory came, of a much shorter version of her, sneaking into the kitchen for an early bite on Sunday mornings, before her parents would wake up. She had always liked that small amount of time on her own, and she was not disturbed by it now either.

Trying not to make any sound she made her way down the stairs. A fresh wave of childhood memories came over as if she had just opened some kind of hidden door inside her head. For an instant Tonks had to fight the desire to slide down the banister. It seemed like ages now, but it could not have been too many years ago the last time she had done that.

_How funny it is to suddenly remember all this, right when I'm about to get married._

Maybe this was a way of saying goodbye to something. It was not sad, not particularly happy to be assaulted by images of her younger self, but she was not regretting it.

The kitchen door that led to the garden opened suddenly and Tonks automatically grabbed for her wand, dropping an empty mug she had just grabbed from the counter.

"It's me, put that away."

Her mother, wrapped on her dressing gown entered and closed the door behind her. Tonks did not lower her wand.

"Alright," the older woman said in a weary voice, "I'm Andromeda Tonks, née Black, married to Ted Tonks, mother of this paranoid witch and just about to become Remus Lupin's mother-in-law."

Tonks chuckled.

"What were you doing out this early?" she inquired.

Her mother walked slowly to the counter and tapped the kettle with her wand.

"I don't know," she said slowly, "I couldn't sleep."

"Nervous?" Tonks asked, picking up the pieces of mug at her feet and putting them together, "_Reparo!_"

Andromeda sighed heavily and looked at her without blinking.

_Here we go_.

"Sweetie, are you sure of what you're about to do?"

Ted and Andromeda Tonks had taken reasonably well the news that her only daughter was about to marry a known werewolf. They had been a bit surprised about their sudden decision and their wanting to do it fast, but other than that, Tonks' parents seemed to be getting along with the idea pretty well.

But there was something... a silence a tad longer than what was usual, a glimpse from her mother, a pat on the cheek from her father... she was sure something was not entirely right and for the past few days she had been both anxious to finally get to know what it was, and wanting to forget it altogether.

_So this is it._

"Yes, mother, I'm sure," she answered, not taking her eyes off her either.

Andromeda did not say a thing for a long while, but busied over the kitchen, her back turned so she could not see her expression. Tonks knew this was not the end of it; she was probably marshalling her thoughts in order to say the right thing. Just, she was taking too long and Tonks had never been a patient person.

"What's worrying you exactly?" she asked.

Again, her mother remained silent.

"You know I can breed his potion, right? I've told you that already."

She finally turned around and faced her, her expression puzzled.

"What potion?"

"What potion? Wolfsbane potion, of course! And I can tell you, it's perfectly safe when-"

"What are you talking about?" her mother interrupted.

Tonks looked at her.

"What are _you_ talking about?"

"Do you think I'm worried because he's a werewolf?" Andromeda asked, incredulity ringing in her voice.

Tonks raised a purple eyebrow.

"Aren't you?"

"Of course not! I always thought you two would've had that part sorted out before making such an enormous life-changing decision... Haven't you?"

"Well... yeah, of course we have."

Tonks could honestly said she had not a clue of what was coming next and it was unnerving, to say the least, how unpredictable her mother could be.

"I'm not worried about him being a werewolf. What kind of witch would be so narrow-minded to be bothered by such a thing knowing how careful he is and knowing the many possibilities there are to keep him safe."

Tonks blushed and tried her best to hide it. _What kind of witch indeed._

"So, what is bothering you?"

Andromeda sighed heavily.

"Him," she said.

"Him? Didn't you just say that being a werewolf-?"

"It's not him transformed what worried me; it's him while being human."

_Now, I definitely didn't see _that_ coming._

"Are you serious? Remus is the most faithful, reliable person-"

"Is he?" Andromeda asked coldly, and before her daughter could say a word, she continued. "If I'm remembering correctly, isn't he the one that wouldn't be with you for the last months? The one that left you alone and depressed and worried?"

Tonks could not speak. Her mother had just uttered her very own gloomiest thoughts, the ones she was fighting so hard to keep hidden in the darkest corner of her mind.

"He..." she had to say something. "It was... a difficult situation. He had a mission, you know, for the Order. And while he was doing it we could not be together..."

"But that wasn't it, Dora, was it? That was not the reason you were so depressed for so long. You wouldn't tell us, but it was so painfully obvious. Your hair, your way of behaving, your magic... everything! And now he surely seems to be reliable and I've seen him looking at you and it is as if you were the one single most beautiful thing in the world but... Sweetie, I'm sorry to say this now, but it's still not too late... what if he leaves you again? What would happen to you?"

Tonks buried her head in her hands. _What would happen to her?_

An image of herself, looking at a mirror and hating every bit of what she was seeing there, formed in her mind. Her still fresh memories of that infinite sadness, which had taken over all aspects of her life; the fear of using some kinds of magic, the frustration at her own inability to control her feelings, the words said, heard and regretted, the pain. She could not afford to go down that path, no matter what.

"Nothing," she said aloud, and she had to clear her throat for her voice had come out weak and shaky. "I trust him, but if something like that occurs, nothing would happen to me. I'm not that person any more." She looked up again. "Even before Remus and I... I mean, just for myself I've promised I won't be that person anymore, no matter what. It was not about Remus, or at least, not only about him. It was about me being weak and uncertain. Now I'm not."

Her mother was looking at her intently and there were no reproaches on her expression. Even though her eyes were watery, Tonks could see she was not sad. With two long strides she approached the older woman and both hugged.

A moment later, her mother gave a step back; she was smiling while tears were trailing down her cheeks.

"Come on," she muttered chuckling softly. "We have a lot to do and you are not to get married wearing pink stripped pyjamas."

* * *

She looked at her reflection in her mother's mirror.

The bright bubblegum pink hair looked so... right, even though everything else was quite different as what she usually wore.

The white dress was simple and not only because there had been not much time for something else, but because she had wanted it that way. She would have wanted to use snickers too, but neither her mother nor any of the Weasley women would have allowed her too. Plain white lady-like shoes were not that bad either although it had been really hard to learn to walk decently on those heels.

There was a knock on the door and Molly Weasley popped her head in.

"You ready, dear?"

"Yeah, I guess," Tonks muttered, looking at her through the mirror.

She entered the room and gave Tonks an appreciative look.

"You really should dress like this more often."

Tonks snorted.

"Yeah, right. I'm sure next time I get to cross a Death Eater path he will wait for me to chase him on high heels."

Molly chuckled.

"You know what I mean. You look beautiful."

She smiled more kindly this time.

"Maybe..." she looked at her image again.

Molly sighed and for a wild instant Tonks feared she would start crying. She did not think she was ready for that right then. She did not need to fear, for when Molly spoke, her voice was calm.

"I wan't you to know we're very proud of you."

Tonks looked at her inquisitively. _Why?_

Molly seemed to have sensed her confusion.

"It isn't easy to try to life a normal life in times like this. To fight for what you think is right, to let yourself be happy and enjoy whatever there is enjoyable. It's truly remarkable, Tonks, I hope you see it." Molly tapped her cheek. "And you do look beautiful."

She smiled at the image again. Yes, it could be said she looked nice.

"Remus' looking handsome too."

Tonks turned around and almost tripped. Her heart was thumping loudly and she was smiling and trembling.

"Is he here?" she asked Molly, wishing her voice would not sound this shaky.

"Of course he is! We're waiting for you!"

It was as if a heavy weight she had not been aware she had been carrying around suddenly lifted off her shoulders.

"I'm ready," she said, beaming broadly.

* * *

**A/N: I'm back! Thanks a lot for sticking with this fic. I'm sorry this chapter is a little short... it's just hard to continue after a hiatus.**

**I hope you all had a happy holiday. Cheers!**


	85. It was a loose thread

It was a loose thread in the corner of the carpet the first thing she saw on entering her parents' sitting room. Not being clumsy and not tripping with her own feet now seemed as crucial as it had been while doing Stealth and Tracking during Auror Training. Therefore, looking down for possible things on which she could get caught was a priority. The thread was red, a tad more intense than the rest of the carpet, probably since it had belonged to the bottom layer of fabric.

Her father's hand, big and warm, felt reassuring. However, she did not want to meet his eyes; this was not the time to read into them.

Then somebody – Molly, her mother, Ginny? – a woman whom she could not longer recall, had whispered close to her ear:

"Look up and smile."

And she did.

So the next thing she saw, among the few familiar faces that were their wedding guests, was _him._

Remus' expression was that particular mix of shyness, wild happiness, and even smugness she loved so much. His eyes wide open, as if he did not wanted to miss any of her movements, his hands at his sides, giving the impression he was ready to rush forward ad catch her if she did not hurry to his side.

But she took her time, and now, sweeping the place with her eyes, she saw that the other faces were not a blur anymore but smiling expressions of their friends. Her father seemed to agree with the idea of making it slow, and his steps were unhurried too. Tonks very much suspected this had less to do with her motivations, and more with the fact that, honestly, he did not want his little girl to go.

Too bad it was such a small sitting room, she thought during their third step.

Remus, his eyes fixed on hers, winked. Such an unexpected gesture and Tonks suddenly wanted this game of sorts to end, quickly. She wanted to run the remaining two steps, she wanted to jump and land in his arms, she wanted to feel him, she wanted to be with him.

As a matter of fact, it was genius that this was such a small sitting room.

His father squeezed her hand a bit, before placing it into Remus' eager one. He had eyes only for her, and it was almost reluctantly that both turned their heads to Moody, who was loudly clearing his throat, standing in front of them.

Later it would be impossible for her to remember what had been said or done. The small ceremony had been made of tiny moments all blending in her memories. It all got mixed and blurred the moment Remus turned around to face her, and placed the golden ring in her finger. For an infinite moment it seemed as if it did not fit, but it was just due to Remus' slightly shaking hands. When it was her turn, she did it without hesitation, and for a moment, she was afraid she had done it too harshly. He did not show it though.

His broad smile, his bright eyes, full of content and even a hint of mischief in the making, his soft hands gently squeezing hers, it all seemed to tell her it was alright.

And finally his lips, meeting hers, promised that, no matter what, everything would be alright.

* * *

"You know," Tonks said to her husband, while trying to catch the end of the zipper on the back of her white dress, "it's lucky we don't have much people to invite to the wedding. We would've been crushed under all those hugs."

Remus chuckled and approached her, while undoing the knot of his tie and throwing it casually on the floor. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Well, that's something positive to say on the matter of semi-clandestine marriages on wartime," he answered slowly, turning her around and helping her with dress.

Tonks turned around and stuck out her tongue.

"Wartime," she echoed the word, "and here I was thinking we were being cheerful."

Remus bent over to kiss her.

"We are," he said, slowly pulling the straps of her white dress of her shoulders. "And friendless," he added, taking a step back to unbutton his shirt.

It was her turn to chuckle.

"Good to know, I guess."

"Of course! And it's good in itself too. Picture it," he said, approaching her again and placing his hands on her shoulder, "a couple of hundreds of people, half of which none of us really know, the other half constantly distracting us from one another…"

"And having a diner that would have lasted many hours…" she added, playfully fidgeting with the buttons of his pants.

It was a nice game but she could not make up her mind if she wanted them to chat and banter like this forever or if it would be better for them to just shut up and heat right into... well, that.

"We still don't know if _this_ diner had lasted for hours," he laughed softly, unbuttoning his pants without her help. "I don't know if you noticed it, but we sort of ran away."

"We did, didn't we?"

"Indeed, my darling." He finished taking off his pants and pulled her gently towards the bed, softly kissing her neck. "As far as we know, Molly could be serving the third course as we speak... third out of six, mind you."

"Were there six of them?" Tonks asked, with a curiosity she did not really have, while sitting on the bed.

"No idea," Remus said, with a voice that was more like a grunt, pushing her gently on the mattress.

"I forgot," Tonks managed to mutter, her senses treacherously making her lose trail of her own thoughts. "I'll have to kill Moody."

Remus, who seemed about to dive into her mouth again, stopped in mid air and throw himself besides her, laughing.

"For a moment there, I thought you were going to hex him right in the middle of the ceremony," he finally said.

"I would've!" she cried indignantly. "It was just that my wand was not quite accessible at the moment. Calling me... _that_... and right when we were getting married!"

But she could not be angry anymore. Not when Remus' laughter was so contagious, nor when his body was so near hear, sending waves of heat that seemed to penetrate her skin.

"So," Remus finally said, "would you marry me, _Nymphadora_?"

Still laughing, Tonks grabbed a pillow and made it collide with her husband's stomach.

"I think I just did, Lupin."

* * *

"You asleep?" she whispered against his bare chest.

"Mmnop," he muttered. "Not anymore."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just have."

Tonks snorted.

"Right. I'll be quiet then."

Remus chuckled and she smiled feeling the small vibration under her cheek.

Both stayed silent for a moment.

"Aren't you gonna ask me what was I going to ask you?"

He laughed.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to wait."

Tonks frowned a little.

"Of course I wouldn't! That's a lame idea. So, I'm gonna ask, alright?"

He kissed her forehead.

"Ask away."

"What did you think the first time you saw me?"

Remus' body shifted a little, and she snuggled more comfortable at his side.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember it?"

"Of course I remember it," he said softly. "It was at the back garden of the Burrow, before the first meeting of the Order."

His voice had a hint of sadness, and it took Tonks a couple of seconds to realise why. Sirius had been there that time too. His memory was still fresh and painful in both of them, but Remus always seemed to take the worst part.

An unexpected chuckle made her look up at him.

"After that I teased Sirius so much," he said reminiscently. "Getting stun out of the blue, by no other than his own cousin... brilliant! I never got the chance to thank you for that one."

It was her turn now to smile, both at the memories and at the welcoming surprise of seeing Remus' bright side wining over the gloomy one.

"I felt so embarrassed and guilty after that," she confessed.

"You shouldn't have. It was a wise move," he said. "And that's what I thought back then. That you were cleaver... and I also felt curious, of how would it be to work with you."

She raised an eyebrow and he continued.

"There was something different about you... something beyond the colours of your hair, or the fact that you were the youngest. I didn't know if you were being lightheaded, or overenthusiastic, or just well prepared or... well, you were... you _are_ something unusual. A couple of days later I could prove my point... when you first came to Grimmauld Place, remember?"

Tonks smiled.

"You almost kill me that time."

Remus kissed her again.

"I can't honestly say it didn't occur to me. When I first saw you... or, that unknown woman, to be accurate, standing right inside the protection of the Fidelius Charm... I almost took a leave out of Moody's book and course you before you could even realise I was there."

"That close, huh?"

"That close indeed. But then I learned a lot about you."

"Such as?"

"Such as the fact that you like to take matters in your hand, that your curiosity was so grand it could be dangerous, that you were willing to give second chances, although you were quite cautious about it."

Both remained silent for a short while.

"You know?" Remus spoke again, "that night, before you went home, I was about to tell you about me being a werewolf."

Tonks jerked her head again to properly look at him. He had a sad smile in his face and she could not help but feel a hint of guilt.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I thought that if you were willing to accept Sirius, after all those years of believing he was a murderer, you wouldn't have problems accepting my condition."

For a wild moment Tonks pictured the possible scene: Remus telling her this, and probably her impossibility to hide the horror she would have felt.

"And why didn't you?" she asked.

"Well... I realised it was Sirius' time."

"Sorry?"

"It was a moment for you and him to catch up; you had enough in your plate as it was. So I decided I would talk to you about it later."

Tonks sighed against his chest.

"Then I got my second chance to tell you. That first night we walked to your place after a meeting, remember? The night you-"

"The night I showed you the picture on my wallet," she filled in.

"That's the one, yes." Remus said softly. "And the reason I didn't do it that time, besides of my own fears for your reaction, was because I felt you were in more need to talk than myself."

"How come?"

"Again, it seemed there was enough in your plate."

From the position her head was, she could not see it, but she could have sworn, for the tone of his voice, that he was smiling.

"So, I let you chat away, while getting the chance to know you better. The days passed and, there were times I almost forgot there was something I had to tell you."

"So you didn't," she murmured more to herself.

"So I didn't," he repeated.

Tonks remained silent, wondering if it was wise to talk about what she hat felt back then. It had not been her brightest moment, and the memory of it still hurt a little bit. However, since he was being so honest with her, maybe it was worth a try.

"I wish you had told me," she said.

"You do? About the lycanthropy?"

"Yeah... I know it would've been weird... and it is possible that I would have been horrible to you in that moment but..." she shifted her body again, to look at him and try to read what was going on in his mind. He looked just curious, so Tonks went on. "-but I was horrible to you anyway. What I want to say is that it would have been much easier for me to understand it, if you had told me on the first place."

"Really?"

She nodded.

"Yeah," he said after a moment, "the thought did come into my mind once or twice when you were ignoring me. While I was hurt and angry, I was also continuously thinking what I should've done to make it easier."

Tonks wanted very much to apologise, yet again, but she knew it was of no use. Besides, after the last months she had had to endure because of him, part of her felt they were even.

"Sometimes I even wondered if you were going to talk to me again," he suddenly added. "And that sort of thought both hurt and made me angry."

"With me?"

"With my condition... and a tad with you too, yes."

Tonks wanted to say something, but he spoke again.

"That day, when you talked to me again, I felt as if I was going to explode I was so overwhelmed with... with everything."

"Really?"

The image of Remus 'exploding' because he was overwhelmed by something was hard to produce. He laughed softly, and pulled a lock of bubblegum pink hair.

"Picture it," he said, playfully, "there I was, a lonely, despised werewolf, and you came in, looking all dishevelled and confused and talking to me out of the blue. And then pretending to read that stupid book of Sirius'! I wanted to hug you, and slap you, and tease you, and yell at you, and keep talking to you forever, and kill Sirius for interrupting us!"

He ended with another laugh.

"That day," he added, caressing Tonks' cheek with the tip of his finger, "I realised I was in love with you."

"Back then?" she asked incredulously. "And why didn't you say anything before?"

"Are you nuts? How would I? You hadn't been speaking to me, you'd demonstrated you loathed me, or so it seemed... I couldn't just say something like 'Hey, I'm glad you're over your prejudices, do you want to go out with me now?' You would've run away for sure!"

Both of them were laughing now.

"As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have," Tonks said after a moment. "Because I'd realised by then I was in love with you too."

He looked at her fondly, and she thought she could get lost in his gaze forever.

"And here we are," he said hoarsely.

"Here we are," she repeated, caressing his greying hair.

* * *

**AN: And enough fluff. I'm planing on putting some more action in the next chapters... this one came out of pondering about Remus' thoughts and feelings on some issues, and I felt this was writing itself on its own accord, if you know what I mean. I enjoyed it very much, though.**

**Thanks a heap to those lovely reviewers... and those who did not lost hope I was going to continue this.**

**Cheers!**


	86. It was inexplicable how tired she was

It was inexplicable how tired she was, considering the lack of actual work she had been doing for the past few hours. And yet her hands were shaky and she had to focus on the wards she had placed on her flat, fearing to set the place on fire out of tiredness.

The tip of another wand pointed at her the moment she entered the door, and she waved hers in the direction of the thread. Mechanically, she spoke.

"I'm Tonks, I refuse to mention my first name, freshly married to you, Remus Lupin-"

"What were you wearing the first time you went over to Sirius'?" he interrupted.

"An awful tweed skirt and jacket," she answered. "What's my favourite band?"

"The Weird Sisters, though the reasons escape my understanding."

Tonks smiled and lowered her wand, while closing the door at her back.

Remus was already hugging her, and kissing her as if it had been a week since the last time they had seen each other. She could not blame him; it felt that way for her too.

"You know," she muttered, "I wish we could just skip to the kissing part, without all that security nonsense."

"Don't let Moody hear you say that," he chuckled.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not suicidal."

He pulled her gently into the sitting room and onto the couch.

"Hungry?"

"Not really," she sighed.

"Tired?" Remus asked again.

"Very," she nodded, "though I've barely done anything useful the entire day. You'd say that after taking a week off a pile of work would have been waiting for me on my desk but there was only dust there."

"How come?"

"Search me... I went looking around and nobody seemed to be doing a thing. Not even speaking to one another, it's utterly unnerving. They just whisper, and look around and it is plain that everybody's only pretending to be busy. It's exhausting, really. The... I don't know how to call it... the uncertainty seems to float among us, it's almost tangible."

Remus tried to smile sympathetically but it was plain he was worried. They had even discussed the possibility of her not going back to work, but they had almost immediately decided it woul be wiser to pretend everything was fine, and that the past events had had nothing to do with them.

"Scrimgeour might be the one exception," she added as an afterthought. "He's been shut in his office, and they told me it's been like that for weeks now... since Dumbledore's..."

"What's he doing?"

"I don't know... as I said, nobody really talks anymore."

Remus scratched his chin, meditatively.

"Well, I do hope he's working on something useful."

"Yeah, and he should get it right as soon as possible. I tell you, there's this feeling down there, as if something was about to explode."

"The question would be exactly what and how," he said quietly.

Both stayed silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

"Kingsley came to talk to me after lunch," Tonks spoke again. "He asked if he could come over later. He's not really showing it, but I know him... he's not good."

"Maybe taking care of the Muggle Minister is harder than it seems."

"Maybe, yeah," she replied, not entirely convinced. "But he's never complained about work before. No, I think there's something else."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," she sighed.

They did not need to wait long; less than half an hour later, two firm knocks on the front door announced their visitor.

Remus went to open, his wand at the ready, and after murmuring the security questions, he came back into the sitting room, Kingsley Shacklebolt trailing after him.

Tonks couldn't help but notice the enormous difference between the always composed and calm Kingsley and the man entering the room. True, he had looked tired to her mere hours ago, but now it seemed as if a very heavy burden had been unceremoniously put on her colleague's shoulders, and he was about to collapse from it.

"Kingsley, what is it?"

He sat heavily on the armchair opposite her.

"I need to ask you something," he said in a heavy breath.

Remus sat beside Tonks and summoned a bunch of bottles of Butterbeer from the kitchen. It seemed Kingsley needed some and, surely enough he drained his in one large gulp.

"Kingsley, what is it?" Tonks repeated.

"Diana," he said. "I need you to help me."

"Your wife?" she had to really rack her brains to place her.

He never talked about her, not at work, nor at the Order meetings. He did not wear a wedding ring, he did not talk about anything personal, actually, and the only reference Tonks had that there was a Mrs. Shacklebolt was from her training years, when she had been tasked to follow him and she had done some serious research on Kingsley.

He had buried her head in his large hands.

It was difficult to make out his words. It seemed so unlike him to be this worried, to let his feelings out for others to see, Tonks would have believed it was not actually him bit somebody who had had a large dose of Polyjuice Potion. But Remus had indeed asked the questions, hadn't he?

As if he had read his thoughts he nodded in her direction, in a reassuring way.

"Is she alright?" Tonks spoke again, at a loss of what to do.

He looked up. His eyes seemed too large, and his face too thin.

"No," he finally said. "Well, yeah, she sort of is but... they'll come after her."

"Who?" Remus asked.

"The Ministry. They'll come after her, and of course, after me for having married her."

"What's wrong with-?" Remus started.

"She's a Muggle." Tonks whispered, suddenly remembering it all.

Her husband turned around to ask a mute question. _Is she really?_ Tonks nodded slightly.

"They've started with all that nonsense, just like they did on the previous war. I hear Umbridge parading at the Ministry a couple of days ago, talking non-stop with Pius Thicknesse about purity of blood and how Muggle-borns were thieves of magic or some rubbish."

Both Tonks and Remus looked flabbergasted at their guest.

"You- she couldn't! They can't- how dare th-" she stuttered, indignation creeping over her like waves.

"Did he go along with it?" Remus asked, more coherently.

"He seemed to agree completely! He was all 'wizards' superiority'!"

"And why didn't Scrimgeour stop them?"

Kingsley shook his head.

"He's been locked up in his office, hasn't he? He seems to have not a clue of what's really going on. If they're talking like this about Muggle-borns, right in the middle of the Ministry, just imagine what they would say about somebody who actually married a Muggle and let her into the secrets of our world as I have!"

Tonks clasped her hand to her mouth in horror. She could honestly not imagine the situation but there he was... there _they _were.

"I've used to keep her hidden from the wizarding world... not because I thought she needed to hide, mostly because other then my job we mostly stick to Muggle places. But since last year, I've really kept her hidden for good. We made our Muggle neighbours believe she and I were separated, that she had left me, just as an extra precaution. It has been horrible for her, living in hiding, going out just under an Invisibility Cloak... but now... now I'm really scared they'll come after her... after us."

"And couldn't you send her away...?" Remus started.

"I don't think so. Not if they're looking for her. If she were a witch I could teach her how to cover her tracks, how to disappear... but she's not, and if they want to find her, they'll find her!"

He bowed his head into his hands again in despair.

Tonks glanced at Remus at her side. He was pale and speechless, and as much as she tried to think about something there was nothing going on in her head but the infinite horror of imagining what could happen to the innocent Diana Shacklebolt... and to Kingsley, just for having married her.

"I have an idea." Kingsley cleared his throat and looked up at them again. His eyes were suspiciously red. "We have thought about it, about hiding her for good, while making me look not guilty, so I could keep working for both the Order and the Ministry."

"Screw the Order and the Ministry," Tonks blurted bitterly.

She had suffered for months what working for them meant and the resentment was still heavy on her chest.

"No, Tonks," her colleague said in his deep and firm voice, "I have to continue doing this. We have to fight, and we have to win. I have to keep on this if I want things to be normal again for Diana and for so many others."

Tonks nodded, a tad embarrassed.

"I'll have to kill her," he said.

"You what?" Remus' indignation sounded as if he could punch him.

"I have to pretend that she's dead." Kingsley corrected hastily. "We've planned it and I think it could work... but I need somebody's help and... and I have to be honest with you, Tonks. You're ideal. That is... if you agree with this."

Tonks looked intently at him as realisation came over her.

"You want me to impersonate Diane, so you could 'kill' me in front of witnesses."

"Wait a minute here," Remus said, half raising from the couch. "You can't-"

"I wouldn't ask if there was another way-"

"It's okay, Remus, I'll do it."

"I'll leave you two to discuss it," Kingsley started. "I'll go and I'll come back-"

"There is nothing to discuss." Tonks voice was firm and she gave Remus another squeeze, hoping it would not be too difficult for her to convince him. "It's settled," she added looking straight at her husband.

For a moment she could practically see the struggle going on inside his head. He looked down at his clasped hands; her brand new wedding ring was clearly visible in her fingers, entangled with his. Finally his grasp on her hand relaxed a bit and he turned to face Kingsley.

"What are we going to do?" he said huskily.

Kingsley smiled for the first time since he got there, and sighed loudly.

"Thank you."

Tonks grinned mechanically in response.

"I don't think I'll have to 'kill' you in front of witnesses, as you've put it." He went on, much more like his usual self, calm and business-like. "I think it'll be enough just if somebody would see you lying there."

Tonks could feel Remus shifting uncomfortably at her side, but she did not take her eyes off her colleague.

"You'd morph into Diana and I'd give you the Draught of Living Death. That's why I can't use anybody else: the effects of the Polyjuice Potion would wear off with that Draught. Metamorphing would stay. Besides, I don't trust anybody as much as I trust you."

She could not help but feel proud after this statement.

"And you'll need somebody to see it. Otherwise it'll be pointless."

"We'll have an argument for the neighbours to see. And then, I'll summon somebody from the Ministry. Somebody I am supposed to trust, in order to 'help me' clean up the mess."

"Somebody like Thicknesse?" Remus asked.

"It could be him, yeah." Kingsley said thoughtfully, scratching his chin. "He's Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. In normal circumstances, he'd send me to Azkaban for this..."

"But you heard him talking with Umbridge..."

"So he might even congratulate me." He could not help but look revolted at his thought.

"You could say you fought her because she wanted back," Tonks said. "And you were trying to get rid of her."

"And I lost control."

"And what if he plays his part and tried to send you to Azkaban?" Tonks blurted.

"I'll run for it. I'll stun him, or do whatever it takes, and run for it with Diana."

Tonks, Remus and Kingsley looked at each other. It was a very risky plan; there were too many things that could go wrong. And yet, what other choice did they have?

"But if everything goes as planned, she could be free to go into hiding after that; nobody will be looking for her. I'll send her abroad to wait for... well, to wait for all this mess to be over."

* * *

**AN: Thank you very much for still being out there. As always, the pointing out of grammar and spelling mistakes is highly appreciated.**

**I have an announcement to make: I've just finished this story's time-line, which means I finally know how long will it be (100 chapters) and what will happen from now on. So, I expect it won't be long for the next updates.**

**Cheers!**


	87. We both were so young

"It was several years ago, we both were so young… and yet, we were sure we were doing the right thing. And time has proven us right."

Diana Shacklebolt spoke in a quiet, clam voice, that made Tonks think about Kingsley himself. With an inner smirk she wandered if they ever lost their tempers and how did they fight. She could not help but being sorry if they did not.

"And when did you find out?" She asked, taking a mug of tea her host was offering her. "That he was a wizard, I mean?"

Diana smiled and glanced around the kitchen, though it was plain she was looking at her own recollections from the past. The place looked exactly like a Muggle kitchen was supposed to look, except for the black cauldron on the table containing a small dose of Draught of Living Death, which Tonks very much suspected was not a regular feature of a Muggle dwelling.

"I didn't find out at all," Diane said, "you know him, he is always so careful."

Yeah, that was something easy to understand. Kingsley Shacklebolt realizing he had just fallen in love with a Muggle and being absolutely obsessive about her not realizing something strange was going on until it was the right time.

"Eventually he told me, months after we starting dating." This time Diane laughed softly. "Suddenly it became clear how he was able to present me with fresh roses even during the winter."

Tonks chuckled and made a mental note to mention this small fact to Remus, just in passing.

"But didn't you throw him out? Weren't you scared?" she asked, trying to picture the situation for somebody like Diane, who had grown up convinced that there was no magic world.

"I… I first thought he was ill, to be honest. It didn't seem like Kingsley to elaborate such a lame story out of the blue. Magic, for goodness sake!" she laughed again and Tonks tried to memorise exactly how she did it, how every muscle in her face fell into place, even though she was sure she would not have motives to laugh when she would impersonate Diane Shacklebolt.

"But he was dead serious," Kingsley's wife continued. "It was no joke. And he sounded sane and healthy… and then he drew out his wand and made my TV levitate! Then I thought _I_ was ill, hallucinating, something like that. I even though he might have given me something!"

Tonks tried to picture the situation, imagining there was something about Remus she did not know. As a matter of fact, there had been, and her reaction had been less than ideal. She tried to put that memory away, it was not a pleasant one and she had to remain focused. This was not just some random chit chat; she was actually on a mission.

"I just told him to go," Diane continued. "It felt too overwhelming at the time, and for a couple of days I did not call him, whishing I could just forget it all… forget him. But I couldn't. So I finally called him again, and asked him if he could come over." She looked straight into Tonks' eyes. "You know the funny thing about this? I had almost forgotten about the levitating TV when he knocked at my door, literarily three seconds after I'd had hung up the phone. I was just thinking about him and how much I'd missed him. Everything else was… just something he did, not who he was."

That was something Tonks could easily understand. For a wild second it occurred to her that maybe her own situation was not as different as Diane's.

Kingsley's wife was looking at her intently.

"He told me you're different," she looked as if she wanted to ask something but she did not dare.

Tonks tried to smile encouraging.

"Did he use the word different?" she snorted. "Wasn't it more like 'freak', 'weird', 'nutcase'?"

Diane smiled.

"Nothing of the sort," she said dismissively. "He just told me you can do things none of them can, that even among your… group… you're different."

"Yeah… I guess that is a very polite way to put it." Tonks agreed. A demonstration was in order. "Please, don't freak out."

Slowly she concentrated on her hair. How easy it was now, compared to the previous depressing months. She did not have to check it to be sure that her hair, which had been dark brown and long, was now her more usual spiky bubblegum pink. Then she changed her nose and the shape of her ears.

Diane was looking surprised, but not too much so. Tonks guessed that for her this was just another display of that weird thing called magic, of which she understood little.

"What I am is called 'Metamorphmagus', I can change my appearance at will. So that's how I'll impersonate you."

The atmosphere suddenly changed; there was not a trace of the friendly conversation of mere minutes before. What they were about to do, what was going to happen in a short time became tangible and terribly so.

"I don't think you should-" Diane started to speak in a low voice.

"There is any other way," Kingsley entered the kitchen, followed by Remus. "We've discussed this Diane; this is the best way to do it."

"I'm trained to do this sort of things," Tonks tried to sound reassuring. "It's my job."

"It's all settled," Remus said calmly, putting a hand on Tonks' shoulder.

He was not thrilled about the perspective either. The previous night, after Kingsley had left them, he had paced the room several times before blurting he very much wanted to stun Tonks and lock her away for many a month in order to prevent her for doing what she was about to do, and what he was sure, he could not prohibit her to do.

Tonks could not have helped but being relieved on hearing this. An impotent outburst was much better than any other scenario she could picture Remus into.

"I'll be there, you know," he had carried on, his jaw set. "I'll be hidden nearby and if things get nasty for you or for Kingsley, I'll get there and I'll kill Thicknesse myself if I have to."

"I don't think the situation would reach a point in which you'll have to do that."

"Neither do I or you'll be already stunned and locked."

Tonks had made an incredulous noise, but he had continued.

"I'll be there nonetheless and the sooner you'll accept it, the sooner I'll pretend to be alright with all this."

"Alright," she had said, standing up and taking his hands. "Be there. I prefer it that way, as a matter of fact, but Remus, you'll have to promise you won't act unless it is absolutely necessary, alright?"

"Don't worry about it. I won't."

"Because… because I very much suspect, and so does Kingsley, even though he hasn't say a thing, that they won't just let me 'rest in peace'."

Remus had frowned and had shaken his head slowly.

"I know… he might…"

"He might kick me, made me bounce on the walls, slap me, whatever. I don't expect Thicknesse to be kind with the body of a Muggle… not after what Kingsley had said."

"I know," Remus had repeated, sighing deeply.

It was no good to remember that conversation, nor to picture what could happen to her.

"So, we're ready then," she said, standing up.

Kingsley took an empty plastic bottle form the counter put in on the table.

"I'll be right back," he said, grabbing Diane's hand.

"Wait," she said.

The two wizards and the witch looked at her.

"I'd like to… I'd like to see you doing it," she spoke to Tonks, looking a little embarrassed.

She couldn't help but smiling and, closing her eyes, concentrated on Diane Shacklebolt's features. A loud gasp from the Muggle woman was the sign she had managed it.

"It is truly something," Diane muttered in awe.

Tonks opened her eyes and smiled.

"Yeah, it's nicely done." Kingsley bowed his head. "But we have to get going."

"Thank you," his wife muttered.

"Don't mention it," Tonks spoke with her voice. "I hope we get to see you again soon."

"We all hope that," Remus agreed.

Kingsley drew his wand and tapped the plastic bottle.

"_Portus_"

The newly made Portkey started glowing bright blue.

"Put your finger on it, honey," he said calmly. Diane obliged and a second later, they were gone.

Both she and Remus stared silently at the empty space for a moment. There was not much time, Kingsley would be back soon. Tonks morphed back to her usual self and turned around to face Remus.

"I don't want you snogging Kingsley's wife," she muttered, before kissing him fiercely.

Her husband kissed her back, and it felt as if he was trying to wash off his worries with the gesture. It was not much different from what she was feeling.

Kindly he drew apart a little, and resting his forehead on hers, he put his hands on her shoulders.

"I promise nothing is going to happen to you," he whispered hoarsely.

"I know," she said. "I know."

He bent over to kiss her again, but a faint _crack_ made them stop. Kingsley was back.

"Let's do it, then," he said with a strained voice.

Even though she knew it was ridiculous, Tonks could not help but feel a little guilty. There she was, hugging her husband, while who knew when Kingsley would be with his again.

She took a step back and concentrated on Diane's body again. It was much easier to morph into her this second time.

"Good enough," Kingsley said, briefly glancing at her. "You have to stay really focused while drinking the potion, otherwise it would go away."

"I know," Tonks said. "Give me the thing already."

Without looking at her, her colleague filled a glass with the clear liquid. It looked just as plain water and, on drinking it, Tonks could check that the flavour was also the same.

That was the last thing she felt before falling into the deepest of sleeps.

* * *

It seemed that she had forgotten the part of her potions textbook in which the after effects of the Draught were mentioned. Headache was definitely one of them, but she could not recall having read anything on muscular pain. Still, she was feeling as if a stampede of rampant Hippogriffs had met her body several times.

She wanted very much to open her eyes but she was not sure she should.

Surely, she had taken enough Draught to keep her unconscious for 24 hours, just in case, but still. How could she know where she was or with whom?

A callous hand gently stroking her forehead was all the reassurance she needed.

Feeling her eyelids way too heavy, she made an effort to look at Remus. She could not make out his features clearly, her sight was still blurred.

"Dora?" he whispered.

She wanted to say something, but she only managed a grunt.

"Shh, just be quiet," he said. "You're safe now."

"How…" it was costing her an infinite amount of energy to produce coherent sounds, but she had to know. "How did it go?"

Remus sighed.

"Good," he said smiling. "Now get some rest."

She closed her eyes again, but it was clear that the effects of the potion were wearing off. She was feeling much more alert every second and, except for the pain all over her body, she felt she could move more easily.

She opened her eyes again, realising she was on their bed, covered by a blanked. So it was definitely over.

"What happened?" she asked.

"You're impossible," Remus said.

"Pot, kettle," she murmured, trying to sit up straight. It was too painful to be just the Draught. "What did they do to me?"

Remus shook his head, he was not smiling anymore.

"That Thicknesse… I can believe it was me the one who made the suggestion of using him!"

He stood up and started pacing the room. She looked at him worried.

"He didn't believe it?"

"Of course he believed it! The whole thing! From all the people we could have summoned, we definitely picked the most…" he seemed to be searching for a word foul enough to express what he thought about the man in question.

"Asshole?" Tonks suggested.

"That's putting it nice."

Tonks winced and finally sat up straighter.

"So that's where this pain comes from," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Well… we knew he wouldn't be kind."

"He bloody Cruciated you, that's what he did." Remus prompted.

So that was the origin of her feeling as if she had run over by the Hogwarts Express.

"And I…" he sat on the bed near her. The shift on the mattress sent a fresh wave of pain through Tonks' body, but she figured this was not the best time to point it out. "I just wanted to finish him for good!"

"You didn't!" Tonks said.

"No, I didn't," he bowed his head. "Kingsley did. I mean, he didn't finish the bloke," he corrected him at once looking at Tonks' expression. "He made him stop. I don't know how he managed to stay calm while seeing her wife's body being handled like this. Well, he knew it wasn't really hers… he just say 'you now she can't feel that Thicknesse, do you?' ever so calmly. Fortunately he stopped."

"And he didn't suspect?"

"No. You were right. He wasn't angry, he just dismissed the whole thing and told Kingsley to bury the body wherever he pleased and asked not to worry him any further with these things."

Tonks dropped her head in the pillows.

"So it's just the way we thought it would be," she sighed.

"It is. Kingsley had been right. Hiding his wife has been the only thing to do."

* * *

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	88. Do you remember the good old days

_July 26th_

"Do you remember the good old days when we were just your average undercover illegal organization and pretty much all we did was known only by the handful of people who actually knew the Order existed?"

Remus chuckled, pausing the complex waving of his wand.

"Good old days indeed," he said grimly. "Less people risking their lives."

"That's my point. And just random imprecise fear. Now I feel like there's nothing random about it."

Tonks raised her arms and, facing her parents' back yard, continued where Remus had left off. To provide such complicated security to an area as large as the surrounding of an entire house was not an easy task, but it was the least of her worries.

Frowning slightly she concentrated on the next protective charm she had to perform.

"Do you think he'll come into the open at last? Voldemort?" she asked Remus after a while.

"Well…" he said thoughtfully. "At first I thought he would. But now I'm not that sure. I think he's much more powerful while being hidden. You know he exists but you don't know where he is."

"So he's gotten us all scared this way."

He squeezed her arm gently.

"I think it will get worse, Tonks. The Ministry hasn't fallen yet, not openly anyways."

"And do you think it will?"

There was no fear in her question. She was just asking matter-of-factly, as if they were discussing what would they have later for supper.

"I'm afraid so."

Something funny jumped in the pitch of Tonks' stomach.

"Could you finish this? I'll go check on my parents."

This was not true. Hastily entering the house she headed right to the small bathroom under the stairs.

_Just in time_, she thought relieved, as she was violently sick. With a disgusted grimace, she take a last glance to almost all she had had for lunch, before flushing the toilet.

It was quite a nasty feeling, but her main concern was not to let Remus see her like this. She was actually quite relieved she could control it long enough for him not to notice it. Tonks was sure he would force her to stay home and rest until she would feel all right again, and right now, with all what was happening that possibility was unthinkable.

She rinsed her mouth in the lavatory, trying to get rid of the awful taste and the funny queasiness in her stomach.

Breathing heavily she sat on the toilet.

_Kudos, Tonks. You would've thought you'd toughen up by now!_

Her body was choosing quite a funny way to tell her she was overdoing it. True, she had never been this scared in her life… No, that was not entirely true. She was well acquainted with the fear one feels when facing a Dark Creature or a Death Eater, a precise fear and the possibility of one's own death. What she was feeling for many weeks now was something quite different. This was a constant dread she carried on her shoulders every single moment.

So now she had troubles sleeping, she got up really early in the morning, she was even feeling dizzy and the food was just refusing to stay in her organism. She wondered is this was what Moody and Remus meant when they told her about the toll this kind of fight might take on her, ages ago. In her present situation, there was no room for such thoughts, though. The only thing left to do was to fight… and to bloody hope food would stay inside her stomach.

With a shaky hand she opened the bathroom door. Her mother was just outside, plainly waiting for her.

"Sweetie, are you alright?" she looked concerned and for a moment Tonks thought about how everybody else was carrying their own weights of fear.

She tried to smile at her mother, while surreptitiously taking a deep steady breath.

"Sure, why?"

Her mother rolled her eyes.

"You do realise I'm not as stupid as you think, Nymphadora, don't you?"

"I don't think you're stupid. I… I just have a bit of an upset stomach, that's all. I'm alright now."

Andromeda approached her and rearranged a lock of blue hair falling on her fringe.

"You do look a bit pale. Are you sleeping alright?"

"Yeah, mum, don't worry about it. I'm fine."

Her mother gave her yet another concerned look but say nothing.

"Dora, you staying for dinner?" her father called from the kitchen.

_Ugh, more food._

"Er… sure dad!" she called back. After all, with the crazy schedules both she and Remus were having lately, she did not know when they would have the opportunity to be together again. "I'll let Remus know."

* * *

She would have loved for dinner with her parents to be a happy affair, but what was about to happen the next day was keeping everybody on edge. There was no use in repeating one another things were going to turn out all right. And as much as she would have wanted to keep her parents out of this, full disclosure had been the chosen course of action.

_Hey, you know, Harry Potter will pop up tomorrow night on a flying motorbike driven by Hagrid. Then they'll leave using a Portkey, is that all right? Oh, and incidentally, if a couple of Death Eaters come along too, please, do not tell them he's been here._

Nah. That would not have work with her parents. Not with Muriel, nor with Flitwick's sister, nor with anybody. As she had previously talked discussed with Remus, now there were much more people in the business.

"So," her father said over the pudding, trying to sound casual, "we'll expect to hear from you…"

"We don't know exactly when," Remus said, his voice as calm and reassuringly as possible. "Owls might get intercepted. But we'll get in touch as soon as we can."

"Everything's gonna be all right." Tonks added. "We've planned this to the minimum detail."

Her mother smiled somehow forcedly.

"We know, Nymphadora. You and your people know your business."

"Yeah, we do."

She looked at Remus and forced yet another spoon of pudding down her throat. The very smell of it was making her wish for some private time in the bathroom. This was supposed to be one of her favourite deserts, what was the matter with her?

"Anyway," Remus said with an air of conclusion. "We better go. We still have to take care of some details for tomorrow."

Tonks took a small, silver-backed hairbrush from the pocket of her jeans and handed it to her father.

"This is the Portkey. It has already been set for tomorrow night. They'll just have to touch it… well, you know the drill."

"I do," he said, carefully taking the object from Tonks hand.

Both her parents walked them to the front door.

"You be safe, all right?" her mother hugged her. "And send word as soon as you can."

"Will do, mum. G'bye."

"Good bye," Remus said, and taking her hand, walked to the Apparition point.

The last thing she thought was that the pudding would not stand the spinning.

* * *

_July 27th_

"Wotcher, Mad-Eye!"

Grabbing her upper arm with strength surprising in somebody his age, he pinned her against the wall.

"Name's Nymphadora Tonks," she prompted automatically, "married to Remus Lupin, last trainee you ever had, and who's currently thinking you're a lunatic and all this manhandling is unnecessary."

"Who were present on your last examining committee during Auror Training?"

She had to rack her brains for a split second.

"Scrimgeour, Dawlish, Proudfoot, Shacklebolt and Moody. And I wish you'd stop making this bloody difficult security questions. It's a miracle I remember this kind of trivia with so much going on in my head."

Moody grunted.

"Why are you this early? Where's Remus?"

"It's so lovely to spend some quality time with you once in a while. I came in a bit earlier," she said blithely.

"So it seems. Why?"

"'Cause I missed you…" she started, but at the menacing glare from both his normal and magical eye, she changed her mind. "I was stationed nearby, at some pointless mission, so I decided I'd ditched it in order to check in a tad earlier."

"And how would you know it was pointless?"

"Give me a break Mad-Eye! Since Scrimgeour has been locked up in his office, there is hardly any work to be done. Pius Thicknesse is doing absolutely nothing but friendly chatting to Umbridge and that sort of scum. We get no orders, we get no pointers… we don't even get silly tip offs anymore! So I made up the mission myself in order to stay away from the office for a while."

"That bad, huh?" Mad-Eye asked.

"Worse," she nodded.

He limped towards his kitchen and Tonks followed. His broomstick was perched against the counter.

"I bet he's been Imperiused," he grunted, handling her a cup of tea and making one for himself.

"You think?" Tonks asked arching an eyebrow.

"Why not?" he said unconcerned. "It looks like it."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"I'm always right, lass. You should know it by now."

Tonks snorted and took a sip from her tea.

It was not a wise move.

"Can I use your bathroom?" she asked hastily.

"Sure," he said.

She sprinted towards it, hoping there would not be protective charms on the toilet. Fortunately they were not.

Tonks thought she really needed to go see a Healer. This funny sickness was lasting too many days and it was getting uncomfortable to say the least.

Checking on the small filthy mirror in order to morph the colour on her cheeks in case she looked too pale, and eliminating the dark circles under her eyes, she exited the bathroom and sat back in front of Moody at the kitchen table.

Her old master was looking very odd. Both his eyes were fixed on Tonks face but instead of his usual menacing glare, this time he was… smiling. Beaming even. It was perhaps more scary than his threatening looks, and definitely much more unnerving.

"Are you… feeling all right, Mad-Eye?"

"Fine, absolutely fine." His voice was almost… sweet. "You?"

With a swift movement Tonks drew her wand, pointing it right between Moody's eyes.

"What's the first task you asked me to do on my very first day of training?"

"Abs. And put that away before you take my other eye off."

Tonks lowered her wand, bewildered.

"What's the matter with you?"

He grunted, "what's the matter with me? What's the matter with you?!"

Tonks stuttered "I... you... Is this you? Why are you smiling?"

"Of course it's me, don't be ridiculous," he dismissed her question with a wave of his hand.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Moody chuckled softly.

"When are you due?"

"Due to what?" Tonks arched an eyebrow.

"Isn't that the way you're supposed to ask it?" Moody said, his smile still in place. "When's the baby going to be born?"

"What baby? Whose baby?"

"Yours! And Remus', I hope," he snorted.

"Are you mad, Mad-Eye? I'm not pregnant!"

_What an odd think to suggest! Pregnant? How?_

"Oh, sure, you're not. You just have an upset stomach, don't you?"

"Well yeah!" Tonks prompted, nodding vigorously. Which prove to be a mistake. She had to clutch the counter for a moment before looking at Moody again.

"All right, suit yourself. I'll just pretend you haven't told me."

She closed her eyes and started to count to ten. At five she lost her patience.

"Listen, Mad-Eye. I'm not pregnant. I'm just tired, and a bit sick."

And then something much more bewildering happened. Moody started to laugh out loud. Tonks was positive she had never seen her old master laughing like this. It was uncontrollable, tear shading laughter. She did not even know he could still cry!

"You didn't know! Ha!" he finally exclaimed merrily.

"There is nothing to know… or not! I'm not pregnant!"

"Are you positive, lass?" he said between chuckles.

"Of course I'm positive!"

But then… _Am I? When was the last time I…?_

She felt as if a heavy weight had been dropped in her now empty stomach… or maybe not that empty? Taping the table with her fingers she started counting. Somehow this easiest of calculations was proving to be way too difficult for her right now.

"Try with full moons," Mad-Eye suggested without being able to hide the amusement in his voice, nor taking his eyes off her.

She grunted but took his advice. She remembered clearly that a couple of days after she and Remus had gone back together there had been one. She had breed the potion for him even though it had been too late for it to make full effect… and then last week. And meanwhile she…

"Bollocks," she whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah," Moody nodded. "I thought as much."

Her mind absolutely blank, she stared at him for a long moment.

"I'm… I'm pregnant," she finally muttered. "I think…"

He rolled his eyes.

"So much for constant vigilance. I reckon you never managed to understand the meaning of 'constant'," he added conversationally.

She was not listening to him. Carefully, she placed a hand on her belly, trying to feel something even though she knew it was way too early for that.

"Holy shite," she whispered.

"I take Remus doesn't know yet."

"Of course he doesn't! I didn't 'till a minute ago!"

He snorted and stood up.

"Come here, you."

Tonks stood up mechanically and before knowing how, Mad-Eye was hugging her hard.

"You know your timing is terrible, don't you?" he finally muttered.

She laughed. Tears were trailing down her cheeks and she couldn't stop them.

"I know," she looked at him, he was beaming again. "Merlin, Mad-Eye… I'll be a mum."

"Poor unborn creature," he grunted.

"Oh, sod off!"

He looked at her for a long moment.

"Congratulations, lass."

"Aren't you going to keep telling me off for my lack of… vigilance or whatever?" she asked, stepping back just in case.

He shook his head.

"No, I won't. You've just… I mean…" Mad-Eye seemed to be struggling with ideas too complicated to elaborate. "It's life Tonks. Never forget that. What are we fighting for anyways if it's not for this? For life to continue?"

She wiped off her tears and smiled back at him.

"We better do this quickly then, this Death Eaters' killing or whatever it is we're doing here. I won't have my… my baby growing up in a world like this."

Mad-Eye smiled at her, but it was a sad smile this time. He seemed to be looking at something far beyond them.

"You won't tell Remus, right?" she blurted.

"Of course I won't. That's your task, Auror Tonks."

She rolled her eyes.

"It's not an easy one. He'll freak out. What am I saying? I'm freaking out right now!"

"You'll do it just fine," he grunted, back to his usual scowl. "I've trained you."

"I think I was asleep all through the 'Rising Children' lecture," she chuckled.

He did not answer, but picked up the unfinished mugs of tea and put them into the sink.

"It's almost time, lass. We've got to get ready and we got to get focused."

She nodded.

Two minutes later there was a knock on the door. Remus, caring his and Tonks' broom, was at the threshold. Hermione and the Weasleys were already outside.

* * *

**AN/ Thanks a heap to all of you! **

**This story has reached 500 reviews and I'm absolutely thrilled and honoured. It's great to know you're still there. Cheers!**


	89. The excitement had to wait though

All the excitement of her new discovery had to wait though, and other than greeting Remus with a hug a tad longer and stronger than what was strictly necessary, she forced herself to put the new flow of thoughts right in the back of her head.

Moody, whether purposely or just because he was being his usual self, was helping a lot on creating the proper mood for a mission, and not just any mission. The seriousness of what they all might be facing shortly sunk in almost instantly. Grunting orders and checking everybody was in place and with the respective Disillusionment charms perfectly casted, he finally mounted his broom and led the way to the Dursley's house.

Some of the fears of the previous day at her parents' reborn in Tonks' head as she soared through the air, her gaze fixed on Remus' back. She tried to hush them up as well. Nothing should go wrong.

* * *

"Hold tight now, Ron," Tonks indicated the replica of Harry sitting behind her.

Ron's hands on her waist felt a little bit shaky. Tonks wandered if he was scared or just plain uncomfortable, but there was no time to ask him: all seven Harrys and their respective escorts were already in place.

In no time at all, Mad-Eye gave the signal and Hagrid's motorcycle – Sirius' motorcycle – roared into life.

She kicked hard on the ground and both she and Ron raised their wands.

_Just in case_. She thought, while brooms, thestrals and the enormous motorcycle went upwards and started to point to different directions.

She could barely set their proper curse before havoc went lose. A jet of green light missed them but only just, and one of the most terrible sounds in the world pierced her ears. A high pitched maniac laughter reached them and Bellatrix' voice was perfectly audible over the blow of the wind.

"There! They're mine! _Avada Kedavra_!"

"_Stupefy_!" came both her and Ron's cry as flashes of red light illuminated their surroundings.

It was madness. In the brief second of clarity she could make out a bit of their surroundings. Tonks realized, the blood in her veins freezing, that they had been ambushed. A large number of Death Eaters, too numerous for her to count them at one glance, had been waiting for them and right now, as every pair scattered in different directions, haste orders were being shouted in order to chase the seven groups currently flying at top speed.

"_Protego_!" she yelled while ducking a couple of Death Eaters flying directly her way.

Ron shouted a spell she could not make and she directed her broomstick upwards.

The last thing she knew at the light of another stunning spell shoot from her wand was that Remus and George were being chased by three people, one of them looking awfully like Severus Snape.

"Tonks! There!"

Ron's roar in her ear made her react instinctively. Sinking into a deep dive she managed to put some distance between them and the three nearest Death Eaters.

"They're following us!" Ron yelled again.

"I know!" she yelled back, shouting yet another stunning spell in the approximate direction of their pursuers and knowing beforehand that she had missed.

"It's Bellatrix Lestrange!" Ron shouted, his voice, currently just like Harry's was much more than a bit shaky.

Tonks could not blame him.

"I know!" she repeated, glancing over her shoulder while zigzagging wildly. "And Rodolphus! I don't know the other one!"

"_Stupefy_!" cried Ron and she joined him with a spell of her own.

Bellatrix' laughter pierced the velvety night and Tonks wished for her to be quiet.

Pointing the handle of the broomstick forward she suddenly felt it vibrating under her grasp.

"What's happening?" Ron asked.

"They hit us with something!"

The broom was flying slower no matter how hard Tonks tried to command it to go faster.

"Come on!" she muttered through gritted teeth. "_Protego_!"

Two spells bounced against her Shield Charm just in time, but their pursuers were getting closer at alarming speed.

"Ron, listen!" she commanded, "You keep shooting; I'll try to duck them, alright?"

She did not know if he heard her; Rom kept yelling at their pursuers nonetheless.

"_Finite incantatem_!" she yelled, her wand pointing at the handle of her broom.

Nothing happened.

She repeated the counter curse, hitting the handle hard with the tip of her wand. It was useless.

"I'm trying something crazy! Hold on!"

"What-?"

It was their only chance. Almost losing her grip on the handle entirely, she forced her body to stop giving instructions to the broomstick. It became as immobile as any Muggle broom and began to fall rapidly to the ground.

"What are you doing?"

Ron's arm at her waist was almost cutting the circulation of blood in her body and the earth was getting closer at an alarming speed. She had to act quickly.

"_Finite incantatem_!" she replied, tapping hard on the wood.

She felt another vibration, much gentler this time. Gripping the handle so hard her knuckles went while, she directed it upwards again. As she was used to, the broomstick cut through the sky at alarming speed.

"You did it!" yelled Ron "_Stupefy_!"

"_Protego_!" Tonks yelled again, much too busy to feel happy for that small success.

While zigzagging again, she tried to make out their surroundings. She did not recognise a thing. They were way out of course; that was clear.

"Little Nymphy doesn't know how to fly a broom?" Bellatrix' voice was too near, but she could not see exactly where exactly, for another het of green light missed her right hand only by a couple of inches.

"I'll get you, you filthy half-blood!" she yelled again. "_Avada Kedravra_!"

"_Protego_!" she cried instinctively, even though she knew there was no blocking of the Killing Curse.

At the same time, Tonks dicked the flash of green light with a somersault that almost made them lost balance.

"_Stupefy_!" Ron yelled yet another time.

Only this one actually hit the third Death Eater square on the head. For a split second Tonks saw him become rigid and then his body and the broom, started falling as if in slow motion.

"Brilliant!"

With a wild cry of victory Tonks submerged them in a dive, looking all around for a familiar sign to show them they were going the right direction.

"They're still following us!" Ron said desperately. "They're not rescuing him!"

"They won't! Keep firing!"

There it was. The tour of a church dimly illuminated. A familiar town: Ottery St. Catchpole. They were back on track.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus had placed themselves each at every side of them. It was impossible for Ron to keep both of them at bay.

"Hold tight!" Tonks yelled again and pointed the broomstick lower, right over a small forest.

"_Opugno_!" she cried, pointing her wand at the tops of the trees and then at both her sides.

Bellatrix ducked them but her husband was not quick enough. A yelp of pain made Tonks smile triumphantly.

"I'll show you!" her aunt's voice pierced her ears again. "_Avada Kedravra_!"

Tonks dived yet another time, while casting another stunning spell at her back. The whooshing noise made her realise they had been too close of getting hit by the curse.

"There it is!" Ron roared, pointing at a large country house not much further away. "Come on! _Stupefy_!"

"Here we go!"

Crouching to the handle of her broom, trying to grain speed she pointed it right to the roof of the largest building.

"Almost there," she muttered, "almost!"

They had finally done it. She knew it. Bellatrix' voice was not in her ears anymore but sounding from a growing distance. They were already inside the protection charms.

"We did it!" Ron yelled, swearing at the top of his lungs.

Directing the handle of the broom upwards just in time, they landed on a well kept garden, several feet from the main door.

"Are you alrig-?" Tonks muttered.

"Who's there?" the shaky voice of an elder woman reached them, as golden light coming from the opening door illuminated them.

"Auntie Muriel?" Ron spoke.

"Come inside at once, Ronald. You are Ronald, right? You too, girl!"

Climbing the few steps Tonks could finally see her. It was a very old woman, looking grumpy and beaconing with energy.

"You lost the Portkey!" she announced in a voice that was way too triumphant for Tonks to like it. "Oh my," she added looking at her up and down, "I didn't realise they were using children these days!"

"I'm not-" she started indignantly.

Their host seemed not to care for what she had to say, for she turned around and with surprising agility headed inside a large illuminated hallway.

"Don't waste your breath," Ron said in an undertone.

Shaking her head as to regain some stability, Tonks grabbed the handle of her broomstick and walked behind the old woman.

"The Portkey is gone then?" she asked, trying her best to sound polite.

"Didn't I just say that?" Muriel prompted, turning to look at her again. "You're a mess, you both are. Don't expect me to get you anything and don't get too comfortable. I didn't want to do this on the first place."

"We need to go," Ron said.

"Of course you do!" Muriel snapped. "Get going then!"

"We just can't!" Tonks interjected. "The area is surrounded by Death Eaters."

Muriel glared at them for a moment.

"I told Arthur this was a joke of a plan from the beginning. I don't know what you were thinking! So now you can't go, there is no way! This house is not connected to the Floo Network and all that protective nonsense will prevent you for Apparating, right?"

The victorious tone in her voice, on top of everything else, was getting into Tonks' nerves.

"Listen, lady," she started.

"Don't use that tone on me!" Muriel answered airily.

"Sorry," Tonks added hastily, taken aback. "But we really have to go-"

"I've told you already! Obviously you have to go, but you can't now, can you?" she huffed with energy. "You're not only young, but also dim-witted!"

"Hey!" Tonks protested but the old woman was not listening anymore.

She had turned around and was now heading in the direction of a door at the end of the hallway.

"Don't you get too comfortable," she added over her shoulder, before opening the door and disappearing in what looked like a well illuminated library.

Ron rolled Harry's eyes at her.

"Charming, huh?"

"Bollocks!" she muttered, and leaning on the wall, she dropped to the floor. She was just too tired to argue.

Ron sat at her side.

"What do we do now?" he asked. "She's right, we can't Apparate out of here!"

Tonks did not answer for a moment, but stared blankly at the wall in front of them.

They absolutely needed to go back. She did not have to check a watch to be sure that the hour Moody had established for all of them to meet at the Burrow had already past. On top of that, the arrival of their Portkey would too ominous a sign that something had gone terribly wrong. There had to be a way to let the others know they were unharmed but also she had to know they were alright as well.

"What do you think you're doing?" Muriel's voice made them jump to their feet. "Sitting there just like beggars! I though you mother would have teach you some manners, Ronald! And you…!" she finished, pointing a claw-like finger at Tonks.

"We're outta here," he said, hastily making up her mind and gripping her broomstick tightly.

"How are we-?" Ron started.

"Finally!" her aunt cried over his voice.

"We'll go outside the protection and we'll Disapparate," she said, opening the door.

"We can't do that!" Ron protested. "They might be waiting for us! They'll catch us!"

"No if we flight, they won't. We'll do it really fast."

"You're out of your rocket," Muriel said incapable of hiding the tone of satisfaction in her voice.

"I know I am," Tonks said, mounting her broom. "Hurry up, come on, Ron!"

He seemed to take a moment to decide whether it would be crazier to go with Tonks right into the middle of the Death Eaters or stay with her aunt. The effects of the Polyjuice potion were wearing off, his hair was turning ginger now and with an impatient wave, Ron took of the glasses and stuck them carelessly in the pockets of his jeans.

Apparently he decided it was not much of a choice, for a split second later he was jumping on the broom, his hands at Tonks' hips.

Without so much as a good bye to Muriel, she kicked the ground hard and the broom soared into the air.

"Where to go?" she murmured, circling the house and being careful not to cross the invisible barrier separating them from the Death Eaters.

There were some bushes at one side of garden. She had to try.

Carefully directing the wooden handle she took a deep breath.

"Hold tight!" she cried, before making it go as fast as possible.

They were getting nearer the point where she knew their protection would be over. Just some yards now, just feet, they were nearly there.

"Now!" she cried more to herself and concentrating hard, she spun in mid air, both Ron and the broomstick going with her.

Tonks could not know if they had been spotted by the Lestranges.

A second later they were hovering right outside the back garden of the Burrow. She could distinguish a handful of people looking upwards at them, right before landing in a long slide that sent pebbles flying everywhere.

She could not made out who there was for her eyes were fixed in one person only.

"Remus!" she called, and forgetting all about Ron or her broomstick she launched herself into her husband's arms.

He seemed to be beyond words as he hugged her tightly.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see that the other three people coming to meet them were Hermione, Ginny and Harry. At least he was unscathed. Ron looked terribly pale and shaky while dismounting the broom.

"Ron was great," she called, feeling that she ought to say something to him. It had not been an easy trip for any of them, but at least she had been prepared. He was only an untrained kid. "Wonderful. Stunned one of the Death Eaters, straight to the head, and when you're aiming at a moving target from a flying broom —"

Hermione started saying something but she could not listen. Remus was still looking at her as if he could not get enough.

"So what kept you? What happened?" he finally said, his voice loaded with concern.

* * *

**It's been a busy couple of days... I just hope ideas keep coming in.**

**Thanks a lot to all of you readers, reviewers and the likes. Especially those who not only reviewed but who even took some time to point out mistakes or to say which part they liked the best. You guys are the best.**

**Cheers!**

**[PS: Special thanks to QueenCobraWing who reminded me that there is no blocking of the Avada Kedavra. You are amazing!]**


	90. It's quite a simple spell, deary

"It's quite a simple spell, deary. No need to worry."

The plump witch in the lime green robes was fussing around, making Tonks wander why, if it was indeed a simple spell, she would not do it already and get over and done with.

"I know of women who can perform it themselves," the Healer added as an afterthought.

"Well," she answered, breathing heavily. "I'm not really good at this kind of thing and I'd rather be sure."

"Of course, deary," the witch said mechanically, exiting the room her arms heavy loaded with glass bottles. "I'll be right with you." She added over her shoulder.

Tonks started pacing the small room, her eyes fixed at the many phials and glass bottles full of strange potions without really looking at them. Through the small window the golden light of the morning entered, making them shine different colours but she actually could not care less.

Her thoughts were far away from that bright office but she was not sure where. Remus and Bill had been still looking for Mad-Eye when she had left the Burrow. She had first wanted to stay and wait for them to come back but, even when the grave atmosphere was screaming out loss and despair, her thoughts were not really in the situation and she could not stand it any longer. So she said that she ought to go to work. It was a lie of course.

It had been a very long night indeed but at the same time, with so much surreal things on it, she could hardly assimilate it all. After all the events of the night, the chase by Bellatrix Lestrange and the others, the narrow escape from death, the news of her mentor's death, Remus going to look for the body-

Tonks had to clasp a hand to her mouth to muffle a sob. Mad-Eye.

_He cannot be dead. Not him. Not after Dumbledore. Not now. Not Mad-Eye._

Tears were running down her cheeks and she wiped them away hastily.

And yet, there she was. She could not go to the office just yet and she had hastily said Arthur, who had first wanted to go with her, that she needed to go back to her flat to grab something. That had been another lie.

Tonks had no idea if the notice of Moody's death would spread this fast as to reach the Aurors Headquarters by the time she arrived, but she did not care. The only sure thing right now, besides of the pain of the immense lost was that "quite a simple spell" she was waiting for.

It seemed almost too trivial a thing after all that had happened in the past hours and still… if she was to be honest, _this _might very well be the most important trivial thing of her life. And even though it did not make any sense, she felt somehow as if Mad-Eye would be alive only if this most bizarre idea of his would prove to be the truth.

_Am I -?_

She asked herself without being able to even think the word. She touched her belly. It did not seem to be different. She was not even feeling nauseous at the time… there was not much inside to begin with. Tonks had had to hastily go to the bathroom in the Burrow but nobody noticed or, if they did, they might have as well though that her sudden disappearance had been due to sadness more than anything else. Remus would have noticed that something was not quite alright, maybe, but he had been gone by then.

The sound of the door opening again made her turn around hastily.

"I'll be right with you, deary," the Healer was saying again, pointing her wand at a table full of parchments and making them soar.

"Could we do this now please?" Tonks prompted with her most commanding Auror-ish tone.

The Healer stopped on her tracks.

"Of course," she said taken aback and forgetting all about the '_deary_' part. Her voice was now cold.

Tonks approached her.

Muttering under her breath the Healer made a complicated wave of her wand pointing at Tonks' belly. She vaguely thought it would be close to impossible for her to learn such complicated waving. Nothing happened, but apparently it made sense to her, for she nodded.

"And?" Tonks said, impatience ringing on the word.

"You're pregnant all right. You're due in early April. Baby seems to be fine. Good day." And with a short nod, the Healer summoned the rolls of parchment again and left the room.

* * *

Tonks could not remember how she had gotten to her cubicle in the Auror Headquarters. She must have somehow exited St. Mungo's and transported in here, but she had no recollection of the event whatsoever. The only thing she was aware of, other than herself, was that notice of Mad-Eye's death had not yet reached the office, for it all seemed as dull as it had been for the past days. Kingsley was nowhere to be seen, but that was just normal. He was stationed by the Muggle prime minister.

But that was no longer important. Or maybe it was, but in a very detached way. Even last night events felt as a story somebody had told her, something that happened to others, or maybe a long time ago. Even her mentor's death felt oddly different. Her pain was not a tad less deep, but even that seemed to be part of something too far away from her.

For a moment Tonks considered going to pay Arthur Weasley a visit, even though she knew this was something to avoid at all costs unless it was strictly necessary. After all, for everybody in the Ministry, they had no apparent reason to be friends.

But even if she could go, what would she say to him?

_Wotcher Arthur, guess what?_

No. She had to talk to Remus first, that part was clear.

Staring at the closed door of her cubicle, she tried to picture the scene. The only thing she was sure of was that it was not going to be easy at all.

They had never discussed the possibility of children. Mostly because after everything they were currently living, just the thought had seemed to belong to another world. Other people had children, Atticus and Lilica were allowed to have kids. Not them. How was she supposed to keep fighting if she would be getting bigger and bigger every day? Could she even morph while being pregnant? What could happen to a baby if she got hit by a curse? And how were they going to do their duties if they had to be at home and watch over a newborn?

She touched her stomach for the thousandth time in the past hour.

_What's your father going to say?_

Tonks chuckled softly. The sole idea of imagining Remus in terms of somebody's _father_ was laughable. And immense at the same time. And it was not only him… she was a _Mum_! What kind of bizarre, absurd idea was this?

"_Poor unborn creature"_, Mad-Eye had said, just the day before.

What else had he say? Something about life and the way it is supposed to go on? This is what they were fighting for, he had been pretty convinced of that.

Tears were trailing down her cheeks again, but this time she did nothing about it.

_What about 'constant vigilance', Mad-Eye? Where did that go? How could you get yourself kill like that?_

She was almost angry with him. How _could_ he be gone?

That sort of thoughts was helping nobody.

She wandered vaguely if she could just go home. The day before she had sneaked out, even though anybody at the office really knew it; it did not felt right to do it again, despite it all. Besides, what would she do at home by herself? Remus would see a mean to communicate with her when he arrived, which had not happened yet. She could as well stay there and wait. Tonks hated waiting.

* * *

She did not have to wait that long though. Almost near midday a smart rap at her door made her hastily open a file on top of her desk, to pretend she had been doing something, while whipping of the tears in her eyes.

"Come in," she said, trying to sound as composed as possible.

"A word, please, Auror Tonks."

Arthur Weasley was standing on the door of her cubicle. This was serious.

"Come on in, Weasley," she said curtly.

He entered and hastily casted a _Muffliato _on the door.

"No need to, Arthur," Tonks said in a much friendlier tone. "It's already unperturbed."

The man sighed deeply and sunk in the chair in front of her.

"They haven't found… Mad-Eye," he said hoarsely. "I just got word from Bill. Remus is waiting for you at home but he said you don't need to hurry."

_Too late._ Tonks thought, getting on her feet.

"He didn't want to contact you in case it got intercepted…" Arthur added.

"I know, I know," she hastily said, grabbing her cloak. "We've decided not to- wait!" she turned around, hitting her hip hard with the corner of her desk. "You said they didn't find him?"

Arthur shook his head slowly, massaging his temple with his hand.

"What does that mean?" Tonks asked. "Is it possible that he is still-?"

She could not finish the question. Arthur was shaking his head again.

"No, Tonks, they say it's not possible. He… well, you should talk to Remus, he'll tell you the details."

Tonks closed the recently opened file and replaced it on top of the small pile on her desk.

"I'll be off. If somebody asks… well, there is no reason for you to know anyway… and I don't care."

Arthur stood up a well and opened the door for her.

"Thanks for the information, Weasley," Tonks managed to say in what she hoped was a professional tone.

And without a glance back, she headed to the Atrium.

She had to go home.

* * *

"Bill though he knew the approximate location," Remus was explaining, while pacing the small sitting room. He seemed unable to stay put.

Tonks, on the other hand, was curled up in the couch, hugging her knees. She was following him with her gaze but other than that, she felt that it would be impossible for her to move.

"We looked around for hours, not only there but around a much larger area than possible. There seemed to be nothing at the beginning but on a closer look there were signs of the struggle. He was not the only one to fall from his broom…"

Tonks looked at him in a mute question.

"There were signs that could have been bodies, marks in the earth, broken branches… there was even a fragment of a broomstick handle. But other than that, nothing, so we are pretty sure they came right after and cleaned it all up."

She placed her head on her knees.

"And… and isn't it possible…" she muttered, "that he's still alive?"

Remus did not say a thing at first, but sat next to her and stroked her head.

"No, Dora, there's no way," he finally said. "Bill told me the details. He and Fleur saw him getting hit by the killing curse and fall down."

Tonks looked up again.

"So they took him," she said in a flat voice "The Death Eaters".

"We reckon they did," Remus nodded.

She stared blankly at the wall and he stood up again, resuming his pacing.

"What we need to know is what happened?" he said, his voice almost trembling with fury, his hands in fists. "Who could have sold us to them? They knew the exact date of the moving, they were ready and waiting for us! Somebody must have betray-"

"I'm pregnant."

Her heart was beating fast against her chest, and, after what seemed like a very long moment, she finally looked at him.

His eyes were wide open, looking at Tonks as if he had misheard what she had just said.

"I…" she cleared her throat, "we… we are having a baby."

The silence was long and it felt heavier with every passing second. She wanted him to say something, she needed him to, and yet she waited, biting her lip nervously.

Finally he spoke, his voice merely a hoarse whisper.

"Dora…?"

She breathed deeply. She felt she had some explaining to do.

"I just found out today. I had been feeling… well, a bit sick in the morning." Tonks realised it sounded almost as an apology, it should not. "I went to St. Mungo's today," she squared her shoulders and continued with a much calmer and strong voice. "I needed to know and I couldn't wait. The Healer said it's coming in April."

"April…?" Remus asked again, looking at her blankly.

He came over to her side and sat in the couch again.

"There's still plenty of time, then," he said, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "We have to… to… to get rid of it. And quickly. We could-"

"What?" she looked up at him in disbelief. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Now it was Remus' turn to look puzzled.

"We need to… do something, don't we? We need to keep you safe, and to do so we need to… er… dispose the thing…"

"The thing?" Tonks jumped into her feet. "Why on the name of Merlin's balls are you talking like this?"

"Don't you see?" Remus' stood up again, his voice rising, and he took a couple of steps back. "We don't know what's in there? It might hurt you!"

"It's called a baby, Remus," she said coldly, "and I think you have a point there. They can get very dangerous when they're drooling."

"You don't understand!" he said, resuming his pacing of the living room. "My kind doesn't breed!"

"Oh, yeah, I can see why. The world has no use for insensitive gits like you!"

"You're missing the point!" he cried, rising his arms in exasperation. "Don't you get it? Back in the pack it never happened! The babies die in the transformation!"

This was the first time he talked about his time with Fenrir Greyback's pack, but she ignored the fact.

"Whose transformation?" Tonks yelled. "You do realise I don't transform, do you? And therefore I won't kill it?"

"You don't, but it might! It's a baby werewolf you're carrying in there!"

"How do you know that?" she yelled, instinctively placing her hands on her stomach. "It's not! She would have told me if there would've been something fishy with this!"

"Who?"

"The Healer, at St. Mungo's! The only thing she said is that it- he, she, whatever, will be born in April!"

"Shit." Remus muttered, dropping his hands at his sides.

"Listen to me, Remus Lupin, and listen carefully," she walked the two steps that separated them; her face now inches from his. "I'm going through with this. And you better tag along! And if this… creature… turns out to be a cub, well great then! We're having a puppy!"

And turning around, she exited the sitting room and went into the bedroom, closing the door with a mighty bang.

* * *

**A/N: I must say, this was difficult to write. I would very much appreciate any opinion at all.**

**Thanks a lot to every one of you! In then more chapters this tale will be finished and I'm both sad and excited. And to those who've been wandering, no, you don't need to buy extra kleenex boxes for the end. I'm canon adept but I also live in the Land of Denial so I'm not planing a tearful end.**

**And yeah, somehow I always manage to forget: The characters and most situations are not mine (Alas!), I'm just playing with them, no harm intended, no profit being made.**


	91. The bang of the door hitting the frame

The bang of the door hitting the frame was still reverberating when it opened again. Tonks turned around, still fuming and ready to continue the argument. She did not have a chance.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, entering the room. "Dora, I'm so sorry."

She looked into his eyes, at a loss of what so say. Slowly he approached her and carefully, as if he feared she might just break into pieces, he hugged her. It costed her no effort at all to hug him back.

Tonks let out a breath she was not aware she was holding.

"Since when do you know?" Remus asked, resting his head on hers.

"Just today. I told you... I went so St. Mungo's after you left the Burrow."

He did not say a think and Tonks regretted the fact that he was holding her so tight now it was impossible for her to see his face and read his expression. She did not want to let go though.

"Moody knew," she added after a long moment.

He finally looked at her, his hands still holding to her back.

"What did he knew?"

"Yesterday," Tonks spoke slowly. _Has it been just yesterday? It seems ages ago. _"I went to his place early, remember? And I felt sick… he somehow figured it out. At first I thought he was delusional, the idea of me being pregnant didn't even crossed my mind, but he seemed so convinced. He was even laughing," at the memory she could not help but chuckling. "… So as soon as I got the chance I went to find out and be sure."

"Why didn't you tell me before? Couldn't you wait for me to go with you?" there was a hint of reproach in his voice.

"There was no chance, remember? A lot happened and today, when you and Bill left… dunno… I didn't think of it at the time… I guess I could have waited for you."

Remus gave a step back and looked around, as if he did not know what to say next and was looking for some inspiration in the walls or the open wardrobe.

"Mad-Eye was awesome," she added in an undertone.

"What did he say?" he asked.

Tonks sat in the bed. She suddenly felt really tired.

"He first said my… our timing was terrible. And then…" her eyes were burning now, and tears started to flow. Remus sat next to her and hugged her frame with one arm. She continued with trembling voice. "Then he said… he said this is what we're fighting for."

She looked at Remus, and slowly took his empty hand from his side and placed it on her stomach.

"Mad-Eye said we're fighting for life to continue. This is it." Tonks' voice was steady now, and she kept looking into Remus' eyes for a moment, before looking down at both his and her hands.

* * *

The mourning of Mad-Eye took the form of incredible amounts of work. If there had been a positive thing about the ambush it had been that during the fight they had been able to identify more Death Eaters they had not been aware of until then.

Kingsley had taken command of what was left of the Order and all their resources were now devoted to tracking the known Death Eaters and finding out as much as they could about the new identified ones. The task seemed to have no end, as new connections were proven to be established. By the looks of it, they were now pretty sure the 'other side', as Tonks had taken to refer to them, had developed a very successful recruiting system.

For a wild moment after realising her new condition, Tonks had thought everything would change. The truth was that it all remained just the same. On a tacit agreement, neither she nor Remus had told anybody about her being pregnant and her share of work for the order was even larger than before. It was only at night, lying in her bed, that she allowed herself to think about what might happen in a few months' time.

And sometimes at work too. Or at the meetings. Or talking to the other members of the order.

Well… if she was to be honest, she had to admit there was not a minute in her life she would not think about that tiny little thing growing inside her and it was making her smile so much her face almost ache. And it was with difficulty that she was now walking into her cubicle to start her daily covered work for the Order from inside the Ministry.

There was a sheet of pink parchment on the table. She was getting used to those. For the past weeks the Ministry was making subtle and not-so-subtle changes in regulations and laws; in order to keep track of them, they were now printing a bulletin and distributing it among the workers every couple of days. She was about to do what she usually did, throw it to the trash, when a small piece of parchment coming out one of the pages called her attention.

_Page 5._

She recognised Kingsley's handwriting. He must have come in earlier, maybe before going to his work at the Prime Minister's office.

She eagerly opened the bulletin and a second later she wished she had not.

_Newly Improved Werewolves Regulations_.

A cold chill trailed down her spine and she had to hastily sit down.

The new regulations had Umbridge signature all over them. The only positive thing about the thing was that it was brief, so Tonks was through reading them in no time. In was not only next to impossible for a werewolf to find a proper job, now it seemed it would be impossible for them to do anything at all.

"_Gatherings of three or more werewolves are prohibited, in order to control their natural primitive instincts_," Tonks whispered barely believing what she was reading, as indignation washed over her.

But it was not until the end that she fully realised what this was about.

"_A simple tracking spell will be casted on every werewolf in order to give the Ministry a reliable source on the whereabouts of each and every one of them._"

She had to read the sentence twice for its contents to sink in.

"What a lot of shit!" she yelled out loud, creasing the pink parchment in her fist.

_Remus won't agree to that. And I wouldn't let him even if he did!_

She looked at the crumpled bulletin and carefully stretched it. She would have to show it to him and she hated the idea, because she knew something like this would only give him reasons to doubt his suitability as her husband. And now there was not only that, there was somebody else to think about.

A loud knock at her door made her stop her train of thoughts.

"Come on in," she called after stuffing the pink parchment into her pocket.

The read headed person entering her cubicle was so unexpected that, for an instant, she stared at him, doubting who he was.

"What? Aren't you gonna say hello?"

"Charlie?"

She jumped into her feet, tumbling her chair over and tripping with the leg of her desk. She did not care. A second later she was hugging her childhood friend.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing here?" she finally asked, sitting on her desk as a steady measure. Jumping off her chair like that had done no goo to her still upset stomach.

"Bill's getting married, didn't you know?" he said merrily.

"Of course I know… shite, I guess I didn't realise…"

"That I'll be here too? I'm the best man, mate."

Tonks chuckled. It had been a very long while since somebody had called her thus.

"My father arranged for a Portkey that brought me right here from Rumania." Charlie continued, "I was about to go home when I remembered I actually know somebody who works here, other than Dad and that scumbag of a brother I have, I mean. I just came for a sec to say hi, I know the moment I'll step a toe into my Mum's I won't be able to go."

Tonks smiled at him.

"That's considerate… I'm glad to see you! Surprised as hell, but glad!"

"So, what are you up to?" Charlie continued. "Are the rumours true? Who's the pour soul who agreed to become Mr. Nymphadora Tonks?"

"Oh, shut it!" she said, and suddenly she became serious. "My marriage it's not widely known so I'd appreciate if you'd not mention it. Especially in here."

Charlie looked at her for a moment.

"Yeah, Mum warned me not to. What's the deal then? Is he ugly as a house-elf or what?"

She chuckled.

"Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact," she said smugly.

"Then?"

"He's a werewolf," she added, "and marrying one is not the best for your career here, actually."

Charlie looked at her for a long moment.

"Well," he finally said, "you've always been something different, Tonks."

"What do you mean by that?" she said, a little snappy.

Charlie raised his hands as if apologising.

"You have to admit, not every witch in the world would be willing to marry a werewolf."

Tonks shook her head slowly.

"I'm getting tired of all the prejudices, you know? It's just bollocks." She suddenly remembered her latest outburst of rage and fished inside her pocket for the source of it. "Check this out," she handed it to Charlie, "I just got it today."

He read the note in silence.

"Shit!"

"Yeah. I don't even want to imagine Remus face when he sees this."

"Remus?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, that's my husband's name. Remus Lupin."

He smiled at her and with a quick gesture he grabbed her hand.

"There's no ring," he commented.

Tonks fished inside her pocket again and produced the tiny golden hoop.

"Here. I'm not wearing it in the office."

He looked at it, and then at Tonks again.

"It's difficult to picture you as a housewife," he finally said.

"Well, I'm not your average housewife," she answered. "Especially if you're having your mother as a model."

He chuckled.

"Speaking of which, I must get going or she'll come to find out what's keeping me."

Tonks stood up, this time being extra careful to do it slowly and not to trip against anything.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," he said.

"Tonight, actually," she prompted. "It's Harry Potter's birthday and your Mum is throwing a party of sorts."

"Really? There's a lot I have to catch up with."

And he grabbed the door handle.

"Wait," Tonks had a sudden idea. "Talking about catching up…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm having a baby."

Charlie looked at her as if she her skin had just turned purple.

"A baby?" he repeated.

"We found out just a couple of days ago and we haven't announced it yet so, please, don't tell anybody."

"Merlin balls, Tonks, a baby!" Charlie was looking at her belly, as if expecting the baby to pop out any second.

"No swearing in front of him!" she said beaming.

"With you as his Mum," he snorted, "fat chance!"

"Oh, shut it, Weasley," she slapped him in the arm.

"Congratulations," he said, looking at her as if he did not know who she was anymore.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Whoa… it's just… unbelievable."

"I know, right?"

He looked at there for another moment.

"Well, now I really must be going. See you later then."

"Later," she murmured, before closing the door.

Tonks had to sit down. Why on earth had she chosen Charlie to be the first one to know, even before her parents, was something she could not understand. It had been weird. For a second she had been back at Hogwarts, back at being not so worried about everything and not being constantly threatened by everybody but then it all came in again, in the shape of a pink parchment, a baby, and tons of undercover job she had to do.

* * *

"Name's Tonks, I'm married to you, Remus Lupin, which few people know, and I'm having a baby, which even less people know. Now lower your wand, I have to tell you something and you're not gonna like it."

"What happened?" he prompted, looking up and down at her, "are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said, handing out the crumpled pink parchment, "this is what happened."

Remus took it with a puzzled expression.

"I wish you didn't need to read this, Remus. I really do," she murmured.

It took him even less time than her to go through the contents of the note. He went slightly pale, but other than that, he did not make a sign.

"Oh, well," he finally whispered.

Tonks did not know what to say.

"I… well, I must say I was expecting something like this sooner or later. It all pointed to that…"

"What do you mean?"

"Muggleborns, half-breeds, Dark Creatures… we are all part or the same scum, aren't we?"

Tonks closed her eyes and tried to gain some patience. _Here we go again._

"No, you're not," she said flatly. "And I refuse to have this discussion again."

"There is no discussion, Dora. This is just the way it is."

She could not understand how he could be this calm, but she did not know what to say either.

"I'll get there tomorrow or the day after that for this," he checked the piece of parchment for a second, "Tracking Charm."

"What?" she must be hearing wrong.

"I'll get there so they can cast that Charm on me," he explained matter-of-factly.

"Are you mental? Since when did you become so… spineless?"

"I beg your pardon?" Remus said indignantly, "what do you expect me to do?"

"What we all do against this sort of crap!" she yelled, "fight!"

"And how am I supposed to do that?" he asked coldly.

"By refusing to do it on the first place. They can force you!"

"They are forcing me, Dora, don't you see?"

"The only thing I see, and it's scaring the hell out of me, is the fact that you seem to agree to all this bollocks!"

Remus ran his hand over his hair.

"It's not important if I agree to this or not… I can't just run. That would put you in danger once they find out we're married and I'm sure they will. And it'll put the baby in danger!"

"I'll quit!"

He looked at her for a long moment.

"You can't quit," he stated.

"The hell I can't. I can and I will! I'm sick of it anyways!"

"Listen to what you're saying! You've fought your entire life to become an Auror and now you're willing to throw it all away?"

"There are no Aurors any longer," she was not yelling anymore. Her voice was flat and calm, and as she spoke, she realise this was something that had been dwelling in the back of her mind for a long time now. "Not the Aurors I signed in for in the first place. The entire thing, the Ministry, Headquarters, that… that shit of regulations you're holding… it's all rotten! And I don't want to be a part of it anymore."

Remus looked at her for a long moment.

"You wouldn't," he finally said, "the same way you wouldn't let me quit to what I am and submit to what I don't think is fair. You want me to resist and to keep fighting, because I know that's what you're going to do too. Your work there is no longer for the Aurors, but for something else, and you're not fighting in the name of the office, you're fighting for yourself."

She looked at him. She could not say if it was the sudden light that seemed to have appeared in his eyes, or the fact that he did not seemed so defeated any more. It did not matter; there he was again, the Remus she had fallen in love with.

"You're right," he added after a while. "I'm not letting them put a trace on me."

* * *

**A/N: ****Thanks a lot to those who took a time to review, or to put this tale in their faves or alerts. Thanks thanks thanks! 9 chaps to go!**


	92. For the 100th time, I don't bloody know!

August 1st 1997

"And I'm telling you, for the hundredth time, I don't bloody know where he is!" Tonks said with irritation.

It had been more than two hours since a bunch of dark-hooded people had crashed into Bill and Fleur's wedding, and so far she had been interrogated by three different persons. Now Dawlish was having a go and it seemed he was deeply enjoying it.

"Things are not looking good for you, you're this close of getting kicked off the Aurors' Department," he said, with a hand gesture that put his index and his thumb within less than an inch from one another.

"Oh really?" she sneered. "On what grounds?"

"Treason," he replied calmly.

"Treason to whom? What have I done?"

"You're hiding a suspect, Tonks! The Potter boy is wanted for questioning on Dumbledore's death!"

"I'm not, neither of us are, haven't your minions search the place? If we're hiding him, where is he?"

"That's what you must tell me!" Dawlish yelled.

Tonks took a deep calming breath.

"I've told you, and Rowle, and Avery that I don't know. Nor does any of these people you're taking hostage."

After the initial fear, it was now plain to Tonks that this group had not a clear idea of what to do. They seemed to have been hastily assembled and had been sent to the first place they had thought of in order to find Harry before he even realised he was being searched for. She did not need to be especially bright to realise Kingsley's Patronus had saved them.

"_Protego!"_

_She heard Remus' voice echoing hers, as many others around them either Dissapparated or casted more Shield Charms around. Tonks felt she had no way to know what was actually happening or whom were they defending from, but she did not care. Danger was something as tangible as the golden chairs and tables that until not long ago had hosted the wedding guests, and now were spread all over the place._

_A bunch of figures made their way through the garden of the Burrow in their direction. It was plain they were not guests._

"_The defensive spells had fallen!" Bill yelled from behind them._

"_George, get the ghoul!" Arthur called as well._

_Tonks had no idea what that meant but she could see George from the corner of her eye, sprinting towards the house, his wand at the ready._

_A flash of light bounced against Remus shield and he fired another spell towards the approaching figures. Tonks tried to focus on what was happening in front of them, trying to make something out the mess._

"_Stupefy!" she yelled, pointing at one of the dark figures._

_At her side both Molly and Fleur were also aiming spells at them. It was of no use. With easy waves of their wands the figures were approaching them at a constant pace. They were not that numerous but they seemed to be well organised, Tonks realised looking around her. With relief she also noticed that most of the wedding guests were gone; the people around her were mainly members of the Order._

_At least the rest are safe, she thought._

"_Lower your wands!" a magically amplified voice flew in their direction. _

_It was not an unknown voice._

"_Dawlish?" Tonks called back in disbelief. _

"_I speak on behalf of the Ministry of Magic. Lower your wands!" the voice repeated._

"Tonks," Dawlish took a deep breath, pacing the kitchen up and down. It had been the chosen place for Tonks' interrogation. "You're not helping anybody, why don't you just come clear so we can get over with this and you can take your post back?"

She looked at him without saying a word. Her wand had been taken away from her by Rowle and now it rested on the kitchen table, too far for her to reach it.

Still, even if she did, she was sure there was not much she could do with it, not without risking everybody else's security.

"What were you doing here?" Dawlish asked.

It was terribly dull to having to answer the same bunch of questions over and over.

"I've already told the others this; I was invited to a wedding."

"So you admit to be friends with Harry Potter?"

"I fail to see the relation between one thing and the other," Tonks said calmly. "It wasn't Harry Potter's wedding."

"Harry Potter is a friend of one of the Weasley kids, the one lying upstairs with Spattergroit."

"Then why don't you ask him?" she asked, trying hard not to show how puzzled she was. Ron had been perfectly fine this afternoon, she was sure of that.

"He can't bloody talk," Dawlish snapped. "So you admit having seen him today, then?"

"I haven't!" Tonks replied. "Listen, Dawlish, for the hundredth time. I was invited to Bill Weasley's wedding, whom I know since I went to school. I'm a close friend of his brother Charlie. I have nothing to do with the other Weasley kids… geez, I don't even know how many there are!" she really hoped this outburst sounded plausible, although to her ears it was the most far-fetched thing she could imagine.

"Why did you attack us, then?" Dawlish asked again.

"I didn't know you were from the ministry," Tonks said flatly. "Look at it from my point of view. A bunch of dark hooded figures show up out of thin air, firing spells right and left! What would _you_ have done, in times like these? People know there is danger out there, and I'm an Auror. It's my job to protect people! And so it's yours!"

Dawlish ignored this.

"Where are the other two?" he asked again.

"What other two?" If the situation would not have been this serious, Tonks would have actually enjoyed infuriating Dawlish the way she was. The problem was that the situation was indeed as serious as it could get.

"The other kids, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger!" he roared.

"We're running in circles here, Dawlish, I haven't seen them in months!" Tonks roared back.

Dawlish turned his back on her and resumed his pacing of the kitchen for a long moment.

"Say something!" he yelled again, his apparent patience suddenly going away.

"What on earth do you want me to say? I've said all I had to!" Tonks replied impatiently.

The Auror looked at her.

"You know that eventually one of you is going to confess, do you?"

_You wish_. Tonks thought, but she was scare nonetheless. What if he was right and one of the others, less trained witches and wizards, actually said something? Her mind wandered to the Weasley kids, Fred, George and Ginny, and the Delacours. How long could they stand an interrogation without spilling out?

As least she knew the subject of Dawlish interest was save. When she had had the possibility of looking at the small crowd being currently held at the Burrow's sitting room it was clear neither Harry nor Ron or Hermione were amongst them. This, at least, was a relief.

"_What do we do?" Charlie asked from another spot in the garden._

_Tonks looked at him and saw another group of dark figures coming from the other side. They were surrounded all right. At the soft golden lights coming from the canopy and the lanterns hanging in mid-air, it was quite difficult to make out who they all were. _

"_He's Dawlish, he's an Auror," Tonks said._

"_And there seem to be more of them," Arthur added. "If they're coming from the Ministry we have to do what they tell us… they can't harm us, we're not doing any wrong."_

"_We don't 'ave a choice, do we?" Fleur added._

"_All right!" Arthur yelled in the direction of the new comers, raising his arms in a surrending gesture. The others followed his example albeit reluctantly._

_There were around a dozen of new comers and they did not seem particularly happy. _

"_May I ask what this is about?" Arthur asked, his voice steady._

"_We are here to ask you the same question," Dawlish said approaching them. If he recognised Tonks he did not make any sign. "Search the place!"_

"_I beg your pardon?" Arthur started, his voice rising._

"_Silence," Dawlish said snatching Arthur's wand out of his hand, while three persons from the group went inside the Burrow. _

_Tonks recognised two of them as Hit-Wizards but the third one she had never seen. They walked pass George, who was coming out at that very moment._

"_What is this for?" Bill asked now. "You can't just enter somebody's house let alone crash somebody's party only because you fancie-"_

"_Quiet!" another member of the group accompanied the word with a wave of his wand. _

_Bill gave a step back as a small trail of blood emerged from a freshly cut slash on his face._

"_Bill!" cried Fleur._

"_Quiet or you'll be next." _

"Who's behind this, Dawlish?" Tonks asked her interrogator after a long silence.

Her fellow Auror ignored her.

"This wasn't your idea, now, was it? Why don't you tell me?"

He kept on pacing the kitchen, without even looking at her. She decided to change tactics.

"For Merlin's sake, Dawlish, I'm an Auror! I'm on the Ministry's side! I'm on _your_ side!"

He finally stopped and looked at her.

"Listen, Tonks…" there was a sudden change in his voice and his manners. He glanced nervously towards the kitchen door and quickly at Tonks before continuing in a whisper, "I don't like it very much either. They're… I don't know who's who anymore. But the new Minister is sending us. Thicknesse."

"This people are innocent. So am I," she said, trying to sound convincing. "And both you and I know that some of those who are escorting you are not."

_Tonks did not know the name of the man who injured Bill but she was sure she had seen his face somewhere else: in a faded picture inside a file back at the Ministry, the file of a Death Eater._

"_Dawlish what's the matter with you?" Tonks sprinted forward, her wand at the ready should she cast a hasty Shield Charm._

"_Be quiet, Tonks, your situation is massy enough as it is, don't make it any worse."_

"_What situation, what are you talking about?"_

_He ignored her._

"_That was enough, Dawlish," a man from the group advanced suddenly taking command. "You, and you," he said, pointing to Fleur's Parents, "you're coming with me. The little girl as well."_

"_What did zey do?" Fleur asked, panic rising in her voice._

"_Nothing yet, sweet," he said with a sneer looking her up and down, "we're just gonna make them some questions. You," the man went back to the commanding voice, pointing at Arthur and Molly, "Yaxley, you get them. Rowle, you know what to do. Williamson, Dawlish take the rest inside."_

_Dawlish did not seem particularly happy to be ordered around like this but it seemed he had no choice. Pointing his wand at the group he directed them inside the house through the front door. Tonks could not see any further, the man named Rowle, whom she was almost sure she had also seen in the files back at Headquarters, was pointing his wand at her._

"_You're coming with me," he grabbed her by the elbow and, snapping her wand off her grip, he pushed her towards the kitchen door._

_She knew there was not point to resist, not with the tip of Rowle's wand pointing to her neck._

"_I'll be fine," she said to Remus, not sure if he listened._

"_That depends entirely of you," Rowle said with a nasty grin._

_Finally they reached the kitchen, loaded with boxes and dirty dishes; the wizards who had been in charge of the food for the wedding had gone without bothering to tide up._

_With a strong push Rowle made her sit on one chair._

"_Where's Harry Potter," he asked without so much as an introduction._

Dawlish gave another quick look to the door and then he came nearer Tonks.

"Listen," he whispered. "I think they've send people to your parent's house."

She felt as if a heavy weight had been dropped into her stomach.

"What?"

"Be quiet!" Dawlish continued in a barely audible voice. "You have to hurry to their place after… when we're gone."

"What are they doing to them?" she asked.

"I don't know, all right?"

"But how-?"

"You finished, Dawlish?" Came a harsh voice from the kitchen door.

"I've tried everything on this one, Jugson. She knows nothing."

The tall Death Eater approached Tonks and without a warning slapped her hard.

Even though she felt anger boiling inside her she bit her tongue not to say anything. Somehow she felt this might at least be coming to an end and she was not mistaken.

"The others are of no use either," Jugson continued as if nothing had happened. "And the girl is in a right state. We're out of here."

Dawlish nodded and without looking back at Tonks he exited the kitchen.

She counted to ten on her head and with a jump she grabbed her wand and run into the sitting room. She came exactly when the front door was closing. By the looks of the people in there, the last of their interrogators had gone.

"What was-?" Fred started.

"Hush!" Remus made an impatient hand gesture, while peering out the window. "They've Disapparated," he added after a moment.

With a couple of long strides he was at her side.

"Are you alright?" he asked, carefully looking at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said looking around while feeling her cheek was swelling a little from the slap she had just gotten.

The occupants of the sitting room were all looking at each other and asking more or less the same question.

Fleur parents were shaken and pale, but other than that, they seemed to be unharmed. The same could be said about the twins and Ginny. Fleur's little sister was crying silently and Tonks wandered if this was what Jugson meant with being 'in a right state'. Molly was clutching a handkerchief into Arthur's forehead, it was turning crimson rapidly. Bill's wound was not bleeding anymore but both him and Charlie seemed to have been beaten during their interrogation.

"Somebody's watching the house," Fred said. He was peering out the window Remus had just occupied. "Two figures have just Apparated back, I see them near the fence."

"We have to go," Tonks prompted, looking at Remus. "Listen, they're at my parents!"

"How do you know?" Arthur interjected.

"Dawlish told me, before taking off. We've gotta go."

Remus nodded and, while grabbing both their coats he addressed Arthur and Molly.

"Are you going to be all right?"

"Don't worry about us," Molly said. "We'll send a Patronus if we need you."

"You can't," Tonks replied. "We don't know if we're running into Death Eaters, they could get the message at the same time we're getting it."

"What about Ron?" Molly said, "And Harry and Hermione?"

"I'm going to send them a Patronus nonetheless," Arthur said firmly. "I'll tell them we're fine and not to contact us."

"They're obviously safe," Remus said to the room at large, trying to sound reassuring, "otherwise the Death Eaters wouldn't have stayed this long. They haven't got them."

"We'll go with you," Bill said.

"No way," Tonks prompted. "Those out there might want to get back inside. You've got to protect this place."

"Besides," Remus added, "we must check that the other places related to us are not compromised."

"Muriel's" Molly muttered.

"That," Arthur nodded, "and every place related to the Order. We have to split."

"How are you getting out?" asked Fred.

"We'll just use Disillusionment Charms," Remus said.

"They still could see us with the appropriate charm but we have to risk it," Tonks jaw was set. She knew that their parents were tough enough, or at least, she was trying to convince herself of that. She still needed to be there though, and make sure they were all right.

"We call if we need you," Remus added, taking Tonks' hand.

"Wait!" Molly called. "It could be a trap!"

Tonks shrugged.

"That doesn't make any difference."


	93. Just as an extra precaution

They had Apparated at a considerable distance from her parent's house, just as an extra precaution. It would have been wiser if they had thought about borrowing a couple of broomsticks from the Weasleys, Tonks thought, while going up the hill that separated them from their objective. As it was, they had a long way to walk, which did nothing to calm her anguish.

Finally they reached the top and the small house became visible. The place seemed quiet, undisturbed, and this struck Tonks as a bad omen. Almost instinctively she checked the sky above.

"Do you think they'll use the Dark Mark?" she asked trying to sound casual.

_Who am I trying to fool?_

Remus did not speak for a moment.

"There won't be any need for them to do that," he spoke through clenched teeth. "They'll be alright. Come here."

Checking that the Disillusionment Charm was still in place, Remus feel around to give her invisible hand a little reassuring squeeze.

"Let's go," he added.

There was only one light coming from the kitchen window and, as silently as possible, she and Remus approached it. It was obvious all the protective charms were not longer in place, and it was also evident that somebody had been there before them.

Now that they were closer, they could see that the flower beds in the garden had been destroyed and, even at the darkness, they could distinguish large burning marks in the façade of the house.

"_Homenum revelio!_" whispered Remus, pointing his wand at different parts of the building.

Only two bluish silhouettes were distinguishable inside.

Hurrying up Tonks reached the window. Her mother and father were sitting at the kitchen table, they were alone. She was resting her head on her arms while he caressed her hair slowly. Without pausing, Tonks jerked the door open. Both looked up, their eyes wide.

"Mum, Dad," she called.

"Dora?" her father said with trembling voice.

"They can't see us," Remus whispered behind her, and she felt the tip of his wand tapping the top of her head.

"Sweetie!" her mother said, trying to stand up. She seemed to be too shaken for that and she collapsed mid-way in her chair again.

"Mum, what happened?" she said, running towards them.

Andromeda Tonks tried to smile but the gesture looked more like a grimace.

"Had a nasty visit," her father said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Remus turned around and, facing the kitchen window, he pointed his wands at the outside garden. He was casting the protective charms again.

"I don't know if they'll be useful, son," Ted added. "They came right through all those you put on the other day."

"They've taken control of the Ministry," Tonks said. "But we don't know exactly who _they_ are."

"Still," Remus added. "We've got to do whatever might work."

"What did they do to you?" Tonks asked again.

"The Cruciatus Curse," Andromeda said.

"What?" Tonks asked. "Who?"

"That's not important," her mother said softly.

"Who did it, Mum?"

"It doesn't matter-"

"It was her, wasn't it?" Tonks said, her voice harsh: "Bellatrix."

"What does it matter if it was her?" Andromeda replied dryly. "This was hardly the first time I've been at the other end of one of her Cruciatus Curses."

"It matters to me," Tonks replied, clenching her fists.

"What did they want?" Remus asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"They wanted us to tell 'em where Harry Potter is," Ted said slowly. "Somehow they knew… or maybe they just suspected he'd been here, they wanted to know where he went after."

"We didn't say a thing," Andromeda added.

"Of course you didn't," Tonks said softly, taking a sit next to her and squeezing her hand. "Mum, Dad, I'm so sorry-"

"We knew what we were signing for, Nymphadora," Andromeda said briskly. "We knew the consequences. You don't need to apologise."

"Still…" Tonks murmured. She was feeling really guilty, but her mother had a point. "They must've mapped every location where they got stopped the other night. They've probably looked for possible houses on those areas that might have hosted us."

"There are not many wizarding dwellings around here," Ted said.

"And I think they were not absolutely sure Potter had been here to begin with," Andromeda said harshly. "It seemed they were just firing randomly. Well… Bellatrix doesn't need any particular reason to do what she does."

"The good thing is, it didn't last long," her husband added. "They searched the house, asked a couple of questions and went away. They seemed to be in a hurry."

"Yeah, I bet they were," Tonks said thoughtfully. "They had many places to raid tonight."

Remus turned around again and continued casting protective spells through the window. Tonks did not know if he was trying to distract his mind from by doing this, or if he really believed the protections would serve them.

"How did you know they'd come?" Ted asked, after a moment.

"We had a nice friendly visit ourselves, at Bill Weasley' wedding. They sort of invited themselves in," she tried trying to lighten up the atmosphere and failing miserably.

"What happened?" her mother asked. "Is everybody all right?"

"Nothing serious happened, fortunately. We had a warning, just seconds before, so most of the guests escaped ahead of them. There were people from the Ministry and Death Eaters. Even Aurors."

"It is safe to suppose they are both the same thing now," Remus added.

"Anyway," Tonks continued, "They kept us for hours, asking questions about Harry Potter. They gave me a nice slap before they went but other than that I'm ok."

"What about you?" her father asked Remus.

"Well… they'd rather use the Cruciatus on werewolves," he said wryly.

"They did?" Tonks asked, "why didn't you tell me?"

"We were in a hurry coming here," he said. "And, just like your mother, it had not been my first time either."

The four of them remained silent for a long moment.

"At least we're all right," Ted said softly. "The question is for how long? They'll come back, we have to be prepared."

"Sadly," Remus said, "tonight events just proved there is not much we can do to prevent them."

Andromeda stretched her fingers.

"There are two ways. The first one is keeping our heads down and try our best not to get notice."

Tonks made a noise between a grunt and a snort, but her mother ignored her.

"The second one is to fight back with all we have. And I very much fear that's the one all of us have chosen."

"That's how we're built, right?" Tonks said.

Ted stood up and went to the stove to put the kettle on the fire. Tonks knew her father only too well to realise there was something in his mind, especially considering that all the boiling process could have been made with just a tap of his wand.

She wandered what exactly was he worried about, but she was not sure if this was the time to voice out their fears. Not when they had been through such a difficult experience anyway.

The silence was heavy. Tonks had the feeling everybody's worries were something tangible, something breathable.

"We have an announcement to make," she suddenly said.

She had not planned for this and she had absolutely no idea how her parents would react, but suddenly she felt they were in a desperate need for something else, something to put their minds away from the Death Eaters and their threats. At her side, Remus' gave her a rather hard squeeze on the shoulder.

Her father turned around to face her, while her mother looked at her without blinking.

"I'm pregnant," she said, looking back directly at Andromeda.

She looked at her as if Tonks was talking an unknown language.

"Pregnant?" asked Ted, looking at Remus and then back at her. "That's… that's…"

"That's unexpected," Andromeda said softly.

"That's wonderful," Ted interjected.

"Of course it is," her wife snapped.

Tonks looked at Remus. His expression was blank.

_Oh, sod it all!_ She thought.

"Hey, this is supposed to be happy news!" she stood up, feeling she could just slap them all that very moment.

Andromeda was the quickest. The trembling of her legs temporarily gone, she stood up and hugged Tonks.

"This is wonderful, sweetie! Just marvellous!"

"Yeah," Ted added, approaching them and patting her on the bag. "It's grand!"

Tonks chuckled.

"That's more like it."

"Well, it is a surprise," Andromeda said defensively.

"When's the date?" Ted asked Remus.

"April," he said.

Tonks looked at him over her shoulder. His expression continued to be blank though she could see his jaw was tensed and his hands were in fists. For a brief second she wished her parents would vanish and let her ask him what the matter was.

"We have to toast!" her father was saying. "Do we still have some of that Elf-made wine?"

"Yes, we do," Andromeda turned around and with a flick of her wand started summoning glasses.

Tonks turned to face Remus.

"What is it?" she whispered.

Remus shook his head.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? 'Cause you look like-"

"Here you go," Tonks father stepped in and pushed a glass in Remus' hand.

"Just water for Dora," Andromeda said, smiling.

Tonks nodded, taking the glass from her.

"To…" Ted looked at Remus, "Have you thought about names yet?"

"Er… no, we haven't" he answered.

"To our grandson," Andromeda said.

"Or granddaughter," Tonks added smiling.

Her father drained his glass in one. Her mother, calmly, sipped from it and sat down.

They looked at each other in silence for a moment. Tonks could swear her parents were about to burst from the need of commenting the news on their own and she was not feeling quite comfortable with the silence either.

"We… we should send word to the Burrow. Let them know we're all right," she finally said standing up.

She and Remus headed to the living room and almost instantly she could hear her parents whisper softly, she had been right. Now it occurred to her that perhaps they had have one too many emotions for the day.

* * *

"It might take me a couple of days to find them," Remus said pensively, grabbing his cloak. "I'm sure one of the Death Eaters watching over this place will follow me, I'd have to get rid of him."

"What do you mean 'get rid of him'?" Tonks asked.

She was sitting on the bed in her childhood room at her parents' house, hugging her knees and forcing herself not to show how sorry she was that Remus had to go.

"I'm not doing anything to him," he answered promptly. "I meant just to shake the bloke off."

Tonks smiled feebly.

"What if they're not at Grimmauld Place?" she asked.

"I'm almost sure they are, that's what I would've done in their place… but is not, I'll go check on Privet Drive and at Hermione's parents. I very much doubt they're foolish enough to go to the school."

"No," Tonks shook her head, "I don't think that either."

Remus put his cloak on; he seemed to be thinking about a bunch of things at once.

"If you need anything, ask your parents or contact Molly."

"Of course," she said dismissively.

"What I mean," he added in a serious voice, "is that you should not go back to the apartment. Not alone, at least."

She stood up and approached Remus.

"I won't, don't worry so much."

He looked at her with a small smile.

"And you," she stood in front of him, "please be careful," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his thin frame.

He hugged her back and started kissing her with an intensity that remained Tonks the first day she had gone to visit him to the sewers, back when he was living with Greyback's pack. The memory did nothing to ease the worries that had starting to grow inside her the moment Remus volunteered to go and find Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"You be careful," he whispered against her mouth. "Don't do anything harsh." He put a hand on her belly and she realised this was the first time he did that. "Remember you have to look after the two of you now."

Tonks beamed broadly.

"I know." She kissed him back. "We'll be waiting for you."

_He's going for a couple of days. Why does it feel as if I'm not going to see him again in months?_

"I'm off now," he finally said, taking a step back but still holding her hands. "Be safe."

"You too."

He walked towards the door, but before exiting it he looked back.

"I love you," he said.

"I know you do. I love you too."

* * *

**AN: If you've reached this point, thank you very very much! If you've even reviewed some of this stuff... an extra heap of thanks!**


	94. Inside the Ministry restrooms

August 5th 1997

She went inside the Ministry restrooms in the fourth level, trying to look as normal as possible and repeating into her head that this was indeed normal for a human being; as normal as it would get anyway. The problem was that with the instauration of the new regime, what once used to be normal could get quite suspicious now.

She would never had though it possible, but she was actually missing the dull routine of the past few days, when Scrimgeour had been still alive and they had been just pretending to work.

_And Mad-Eye had been alive…_

But she was not going through that path. She had to focus now, for although the task was simple enough, if something went wrong… well, she could not even think about the consequences.

She had gone through very difficult days lately, and the fact that Remus was not back did nothing to improve the situation.

Their work these days was much worse than the previous inactivity; half of the Aurors had been tasked with the search of Harry Potter, and conspicuously enough, neither she nor Kingsley had been tasked to be in this group. She was sure somebody out there was suspicious about them, and she was also sure it was a matter of time for somebody to point at them and start a full investigation on their allegiances.

Still, there was things worth the risk, and finding out if Remus was all right was one of them. The witch she had been following must have been inside the only closed cubicle; the other occupant of the restroom was an elderly worker she recognised from the Pest Advisory Bureau. She could do, of course, but she was much too slim and Tonks very much doubted that would be wise.

There was not much literature on pregnant Metamorphmagus, but out of common sense, she had figured it out she would better avoid making her body any slimmer. Hence, she had picked up a chubby person for the task she was about to perform.

The elderly witch finally left the restrooms and, a moment later, the short plump one Tonks had followed emerged from the cubicle. She had to act quickly.

Concentrating very carefully on the strength of the spell, she stunned the witch from behind. For a moment she thought about Moody again, and the poor opinion he had on this sort of attack, but she was sure he would agree now that desperate situations required desperate measures. The witch's legs gave away, and very carefully, Tonks hovered her back inside the cubicle, before closing the door of the restrooms.

Taking a careful look at the unconscious woman, she arranged her features and, a moment later, she turned around to face the mirror. She could have been her twin. Now the clothing and she would be ready to go.

Three minutes later, Tonks was entering the Beast, Being and Spirit Division and ignoring the few people working on the entrance desks, she headed right into the Werewolf Registry. It was a large dusty room, not unlike the Aurors' Archives, only much smaller. This was hardly the first time Tonks had been in here; now, however, she very much feared she could not go in and out departments of the Ministry without being asked about it.

There was only an elderly wizard in there, copying the contents of a moth eaten piece of parchment into a fresh new one.

"Good afternoon," Tonks said.

"Ah, miss Barton, what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to know if the… ehm… anybody had reported anything on newly caught werewolves."

"Do you mean the… the Snatchers?" the wizard asked in a barely audible whisper.

Tonks nodded. It had been news inside the Ministry two days ago. News, she was sure, that would have produced rage and protest, if everybody had not been this scared to speak out loud. Snatchers were groups of common wizards and witches, some of them even members of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad, who had been now given the power to arrest suspects of a variety of charges. Some of those charges were just stupid, but the most of them were outrageous. Surprisingly enough, a long queue had formed outside the Ministry after the announcement and volunteers to join one of this groups kept on showing up.

At the sight of them, Tonks was forced to make an huge effort not to hex the daylights out of them. They were a rotten lot all right.

"Not only them, but any at all," she said softly, trying to sound nonchalant.

The wizard shook his head while searching on a large pile of file on his desk.

"Bad times, miss Barton, bad times indeed…"

After a moment that seemed eternal to Tonks, the old wizard gave her a file.

"The last one was captured two weeks ago."

She took the file and tried to look interest on what she was reading, even though she could not care less. She wanted to cry in relief, she wanted to hug the wizard, and, above it all, she wanted to know why on earth Remus was not back yet.

"Thank you very much," Tonks gave the file back to the wizard.

"Any time, miss Barton."

His absence was worrying enough without her own worries trying to drive her mad. Because for some unknown reason, she was feeling way too edgy.

* * *

It had been a week. A very, very long week.

Tonks tried to convince herself that nothing bad had happened to Remus and, if that had been the case, there would have been notices about it.

For a while she thought about going to look for him, but she had to dismiss the idea. Since all of them were being followed, it would be a difficult task to do anything unnoticed, not to mention the questions that would raise back at the Auror's Headquarters if she did not show up for work for days.

Besides, she was not even sure where he could be.

She had had the possibility of talking to Arthur just that morning, when by a fortunate coincidence both had been alone on the same elevator. He had not hears about Remus either, but he seemed confident enough that there was no reason to worry.

Tonks looked out the window of her bedroom at the seeing sun over the hill and caressed her belly.

_How long would it be 'till I won't be able to hide you anymore?_

She smiled at her thought, even though it also made her uneasy. Her pregnancy advancing meant also that she would not be able to work and that her days in the Ministry were getting closer to an end. At least for now.

Still, she very much suspected she would be forced to resign much earlier than that. It was just a matter of time before somebody make it a crime punishable by law to befriend the Weasley's or be a Metamorphmagus or something in those lines… let alone marrying a werewolf. She was pretty sure that was also a matter of time. Some day somebody would take a look at the registries and they would find out she had gotten married, albeit quietly, not long ago. And if they were sneaky enough, they would probably check on one Remus Lupin…

Of course, she was not going to tell him any of this. If there was something he did not need was extra reasons to worry. Between their attack when getting Harry out from his relatives, Mad-Eye's death, her pregnancy and the more recent events of the wedding, she knew he must have been very overwhelmed.

_And, as a matter of fact, that's what's worrying me the most._

She had finally reached to the bottom of it. Of course there was always the risk of any of them getting caught, but she knew it would be really difficult to get to Remus. The reason she had been this edgy all this time had been him, because she very well knew how dangerous it was for him to be left alone with his own thoughts.

Gently refusing a bowl of soup her mother had brought her, she prepared to go to bed.

_He will be back_, she told herself and the little thing inside her belly, _he better be back._

* * *

At first she could not tell if the noises were part of her dream or not. She had been having a nice one, in which she and Remus had been holding hands at Grimmauld Place. But there were all this muffled sounds that did not fit in-

In one swift movement, Tonks grabbed her wand from the bedside table and pointed at the dark figure standing in her door.

"Dora…" he just said.

And even though her arms were yearning to hug the man in front of her, all her training kicked in. Without lowering her wand, she stood up and approached him.

"When did Remus find out my Patronus had changed?"

She could hear him sigh, and even if she could not see clearly, she was sure the tip of his wand was pointing at her as well.

"Last year's Christmas," he said.

Less than a moment after she lowered her wand he was hugging her tight. Tonks knew that they were over security questions; she knew this was her Remus, just as he knew who she was.

"I missed you so much," he said hoarsely before bending down to kiss her.

She could not speak. Relief washed over her with every breath she took from his scent, and for a wonderful moment, just like it had happened when they had started being together so many months ago, she forgot all about the war and her fears. These moments were the most important thing, a reason worth fighting for.

"What took you so long?" she finally asked and she did not care that her voice sounded reproachful. "Did you find them? How are they?"

"They're… fine," he said between kisses, "the three of them. They're hiding at Grimmauld Place."

With an impatient movement Remus took his travelling cloak off, and a moment later, without interrupting the kiss, he was pushing her gently into the bed.

"I love you," he said, trailing kisses down her throat, "you do know that, don't you?"

It was such an urgent whisper, and she was feeling so overwhelmed by his passion, by his being there with her, she found it difficult to find her voice.

"I love you too," she finally whispered, closing her eyes and enjoying the fact that she could get lost in this flow of wonderful feelings.

* * *

The bluish light of the early hours of the morning outline everything in her bedroom with eerie yet not unpleasant shadows. Tonks looked outside for a moment and then turned her head a little to look at Remus. He was lying at her side, very still. His brown eyes were wide open and he was looking to the ceiling as if mesmerised by it.

"Remus?" she called softly.

He turned his head and smiled, but she could see his thoughts were somewhere else.

"What is it?" she asked.

Remus sighed deeply, but he did not answer at once.

"I don't know… what will happen next," he finally said quietly.

She looked inquisitively at him.

"What do you mean?"

He finally rolled into his side and pulled her so close the tips of their noses were practically touching.

"Please, tell me everything is going to be all right," he whispered, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand.

Tonks looked at his eyes; they were so close it was a bit difficult to put them on focus.

"Everything is going to be all right," she repeated, although she could not honestly said she was convinced.

"Even if I… even if I do something terrible?" he asked again.

Tonks remained silent for a long moment. There was something in his voice she had never heard; for a moment it sounded to her as if he was a child, trying to find reassurance or courage in her. This was a side of Remus she would have never imagined existed.

"What do you mean? What would that terrible thing be?" she asked, trying to sound as patient and calm as she felt he needed her to be.

He did not answer.

"Remus, what have you done?" she asked again.

He closed his eyes. Whatever it was, it seemed it was costing him a terrible effort.

"I have been… the biggest prat there is," he finally said.

Tonks did not say a thing and after a moment he spoke again.

"However I haven't actually done anything," he added. "And I'm not going to."

Even though she felt should have felt relieved with this statement, the fear she could see in his eyes was like cold water running down her spine.

"Remus, what are you talking about?"

He turned over and his gaze fixed on the ceiling again.

"All these days on my own I have been chased by thoughts… it was like carrying a Dementor on my shoulders. I thought… well… terrible things."

"What sort of things?"

"I thought about leaving you," he blurted out.

And even though it felt as if the entire house had fallen on them, Tonks was amazed to realise it was not such a big surprise. She had suspected it all along even though she had not allowed herself to actually entertain the possibility. Without knowing what to say, she sat up on the bed, hugging her knees. Remus was following her every move with his gaze, waiting.

"Leave then," she finally said in a flat voice.

He sat up as well, facing her.

"I'm not," his voice was firmed now. "I'm not going anywhere."

She looked into his eyes, now there was not a trace of fear or insecurity in them.

"Why are you telling me this, then?"

"Because I needed you to know and maybe because I needed to hear it myself. And because I need you to forgive me, Dora."

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment. If she had felt overwhelmed a couple of hours ago, when he had arrived, that had been nothing compared to what she felt now that anger, sadness, pity and relief were hitting her all at once. How long would it take for him to stop being so insecure and to finally assumed what he had?

He stretched his hand a bit and posed it in her belly, looking into her eyes again.

"I am… was… afraid… of what might I do to him, of what I have done." He sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment. "What if he is like me, an outcast… what sort of life would he have, what sort of childhood? What I've been through… I don't wish that to anybody, least of all our son!"

He pinched the brick of his nose with his fingers for a moment before speaking again.

"And then I was also afraid that even if he isn't like me, what good would it do to him to have me as a father?"

"Stop it, Remus, stop it right there," Tonks said, putting her hand on his lips.

Surprisingly, he smiled at this gesture.

She looked at him, puzzled.

"You did this very gesture the day after we kissed for the first time," he explained.

She had to think about it for a long moment before placing the memory.

"You were talking nonsense that time too," she replied harshly.

Remus' smile vanished.

"Lycanthropy is not contagious." Tonks said firmly.

"It is; you get it when you get bitten."

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, rising on her elbows. "When you get bitten, Remus, by a transformed werewolf. It's neither in the genes, nor in the blood or the… the saliva or whatever. So, how on earth would your child inherit it? You've never bitten anybody, you wouldn't start with him!"

He looked at her sheepishly.

"I know, he said. I've been doing some research."

"There you go then," Tonks said, trying to ignore the fact that, while she was being consumed by worries he might have been sitting on a library reading.

"But still, there was the other thought; the thought of my child feeling ashamed of me, or of him being treated like an outcast because of me."

He leaned on the headboard, looking at the closed door.

"I am pretty sure we are not going to produce such a jerk for a child," Tonks prompted.

"It wouldn't be his fault, don't you see?" his voice sounded urgent now. "It's the way the world is."

"And it's what we're fighting to change every day, isn't it?" she replied instantly.

Remus remained silent for a long moment. The sky was now light blue and a golden light was illuminating the garden. Any moment now Tonks' parents would wake up.

"I want to give you and the baby a normal life."

Tonks took a deep breath, trying to think of a reason for not hexing the man next to her for good.

"Care to describe what a normal life is supposed to be like?" she asked, and before Remus could answer she went on, "he'll have a multicoloured Auror for a mother, who happens to come from the most rotten wizarding family in history, he would be friends with blood traitors, not to mention, he will have a grandfather who fits the description of Mud-blood. What on earth is normal, Remus?"

"None of those things is a bad as having a werewolf as a father," he said quietly.

"Oh, yeah, because we'll raise him to hate you, I forgot."

"Not us, the world! He won't hate me but he'll be ashamed of what I am, people will make fun at him, or treat him badly, or-"

"It's a rotten world as well," Tonks said.

Remus sighed.

"I'm not leaving you," he said. "Because I love you too much and because I've finally understand that the best way for me to love you is to stay."

Both remained quiet for a long moment.

Finally she spoke and it surprised her how calm and cold her voice was,

"The only reason that occurs to me of why our son would be ashamed of his father is that he ran on him. That he chose to leave him when he could have stayed."

Remus placed his head on his hands and Tonks would have sworn she hear him chuckle. She must have been mistaken.

"You've been talking to Harry lately?" he asked.

"What does he has to do with this?"

"He said exactly the same thing… in a much more harsh way," Remus said.

Tonks sighed. The only emotion she had now was exasperation.

"Then if you're here because you listened to him, we're choosing him as the godfather."

* * *

**AN: Oh well... I am not entirely convinced about the last part of this chapter. I am convinced of the facts , though: that Remus did not left Tonks after a huge fight, that she did not know he was leaving her until he came and confessed, and that not even _him_ knew that. The idea just occurred to him while tailing off the Death Eater who was following him on his way to Grimmauld Place. What does not convince me are the dialogues, so I might come back and review them later.**

**As always, deep thanks to all of you! And extra special thanks to those who take a second to leave a review and to those who have faved this story or put an alert on it. You people make my day!**

**Cheers!**


	95. Dear Mrs Lupin

August 12th 1997

_Dear Mrs. Lupin_

_I must meet with you immediately. Please, come into my office as soon as you receive this note._

_Dolores Jane Umbridge_

_Head of the Muggle-born Registration Commission _

The sight of the pink parchment on her hand was nauseating and the fact that she had been called 'Mrs. Lupin' on writing for the first time did nothing to ease that feeling. In any other circumstance, she was sure, the sight of it would have made her heart swell in quite a pleasant way. Not now. Quite on the contrary, she being called thus by no other than Umbridge was an omen too big to ignore; something really bad was going on.

For, if her marriage had been carried on as secretly as possible, the only explanation for that toad-face to know about it was that she had been pouring into her records. And that could not be any good.

Not to mention the last line of the short message. The Muggle-born Registration Commission was the newest office inside the Ministry. Just the name of it made indignation boil inside Tonks' body as if she had hot lava instead of blood on her veins. She wanted to believe that, had these been better times, somebody, or maybe many somebodies would have risen in protest against the very idea of such an office.

As it was, the only perceptible thing that had happened after the appearance of the commission had been some murmurs here and there, spoken in hushed voices and only between the closest of colleagues.

You did not know who you could trust these days.

Tonks looked around her cubicle hopelessly looking for something in the likes of a brainwave. What should she do?

_Nothing. You just have to face that woman sooner or later… better it be sooner._

She was about to leave her office when an idea finally occurred to her. She could practically hear Mad-Eye Moody inside her head yelling '_Constant vigilance!'_ the way he used to. And he would have been terribly disappointed if he found out what she had almost done. Almost.

Practically jumping to the other side of her desk, she ducked under it. Right behind the topmost drawer, hidden from plain view, was a small bottle fixed to the wood with a lot of spell-o-tape.

Mad-Eye had given her a much larger bottle many months ago, making her promise to divide it in smaller containers and carry a dose on her all times.

It was the antidote to Veritaserum.

It would have been a great plan if she had not been who she was. For many weeks she had carried a small bottle of it in her pocket but due to her ability to trip and stumble against things, it had gotten smashed many times. At the end she had just given up carrying it, and resolved to place a bottle of it in every place she usually frequented.

She had to drag hard on the spell-o-tape. The bottle had been there for over a year now and it seemed that the glue had grown stronger since. With an almighty pull that made her fall backwards, she finally succeeded in releasing the antidote from its hiding place.

The liquid looked just like the day she had gotten it. Tonks tried to remember if this potion would go bad with time, but she could not. One way or the other, she had no time to make other arrangements. She opened the cork with her teeth and heaved the bottle a little.

"Cheers, Mad-Eye," she said, torn between pride and sadness, and with a large gulp she drained the bottle.

She did not feel a thing, but that was expected.

Precautions taken, as far as it was possible, now all she had to do was face Umbridge.

She had been in Level One many times before, but not since Scrimgeour's death; at the beginning it seemed that nothing had changed but, when she arrived to the large room previous to Umbridge's office she had to admit that assessment was incorrect. The space had been almost empty weeks ago, with just a handful of desks belonging to bureaucrats. Now it was full with small tables occupied by witches and wizards in the process of making propaganda.

Trying to look nonchalant and without talking to anybody, Tonks took one pamphlet form the top of one of the stacks. Golden letters on the pink parchment read "Mudbloods – and the Dangers they Pose to a Peaceful Pure-Blood Society".

She did not need to read any further to know what was inside. Even though she was revolted at the sight of it, she folded it nonetheless, and stuffed it in the back pocket of her jeans.

_How is it possible that anybody is doing anything about this?_

She had no answer but she very much wished she could just set the neat stacks of pamphlets on fire.

Hastily changing the colour of her hair from pink to blue, she approached the door. She had rarely been to Umbridge's office before and she tried to remember if the peephole on the door had always been there. It looked quite normal, Muggle-like, but odd inside a building.

On the whole, she was grateful she was not working in this department; there was a sort of gloomy atmosphere coming from the workers, as if somebody had died.

Taking a deep calming breath she knocked twice on the door.

"Come in," said a soft girlish voice from the inside.

And right before entering, she had a last idea. Fishing inside her front pocket, she took out the small golden ring and, with a satisfied smile, she put it on her finger.

Tonks opened the door and entered, only to find yet more pink all around in the walls, on the furniture and yet on a stack of fresh parchment on the desk. Tonks made a mental not of never wearing that particular shade of pink on her hair again.

There was a porcelain kettle on a side table too, and several cups. It was definitely a good move to have taken the antidote. Umbridge was sitting behind the desk, wearing a satisfied smile that sharpened her resemblance to a toad.

"Morning," Tonks mumbled, trying to sound polite but just barely.

"Good morning, Mrs. Lupin," the older woman said with an oily voice.

"Tonks," she answered softly.

Umbridge blinked a couple of times, as if she was surprised. Tonks knew better as to trust this sort of grimace on her.

"Oh," she said softly. "I beg your pardon, I was under the impression that you have recently married to a…" she looked down to a piece of parchment right in front of her, "oh yes, here it is… to a half-breed named Remus Lupin. Do you deny it?"

"Of course I do," Tonks prompted, and waiting a second for the grimace of fury to appear and disappear from Umbridge's face, she added. "He is not a half-breed. But yes, I'm married to him. I still go by the name of Tonks in the office, you see? Far less confusing to the people that already knew me."

Umbridge glared at her for a long moment.

"Remus Lupin is a werewolf, Mrs. _Lupin_. I do hope you were aware of it before doing such a foolish thing of marrying such a creature."

Even though Tonks was slightly enjoying making her angry, it was getting more difficult by the second to keep her temper.

"I could hardly fail to notice his disappearance once a month, now, could I? And," she added before getting interrupted, "I was under the impression that werewolves were currently members of the beast division. So, he is no half-breed if we are to be accurate."

"So you admit having married a beast?" Umbridge stated with a triumphant smile.

"Yes I do," Tonks smiled broadly.

"A werewolf," Umbridge continued, "who had refused the application of the Tracking Charm on him."

Tonks tried as hard as she could to stay silent.

"Tut, tut... thinks do not look good for people who doesn't cooperate with the Ministry as you are aware, Mrs. Lupin. But," Umbridge suddenly smiled and Tonks felt that she should grab her hand and cast a shield charm just in case, "I'm counting on you, as a Ministry representative, to put a stop to that sort of behaviour."

Both women were silent. Tonks could practically see Umbridge's brain working to marshal new arguments.

"Of course, once he gets the trace, there would not be any problem. We are not here to discuss such an obnoxious mistake as your marriage," she finally said. "There is, after all, no law punishing stupidity on that specific area… at least," she smiled broadly, "not yet."

Tonks clenched her teeth to prevent her of speaking. In this circumstance, one word could bee one too many.

"_Hem hem_," Umbridge cleared her throat. "Would you like some tea, Mrs. Lupin?"

"No, thank you," Tonks said.

For a moment Umbridge considered her. It was plain she was thinking how much use would Veritaserum do in this particular situation, for Tonks was sure, after the tales heard by Harry and the others, that this was not just a polite interest on her being thirsty.

"We are here," she continued, apparently deciding this was not worth the waste, "to discuss your father."

Tonks did not remember ever having to make such an enormous effort to hide her emotions. Her father! How could they have been this stupid? All around her everything had been screaming for the elimination of Muggle-borns and there she was, absolutely oblivious to the fact that she should have hidden her own father long ago!

"You're not answering," Umbridge pointed out.

"I wasn't aware you have asked me a question," Tonks said.

"Is your father or is he not a Mudblood?" Umbridge said, now some anger ringing in her childish voice.

"I was not aware we were to use such a foul word on a polite conversation," Tonks said, trying to hide the ringing in her own voice.

"Is he, or is he not?" she almost yelled.

Tonks remained silent for a moment, trying to organise her thoughts. It was obvious she could not hide something like this, no when they were records and other people to interrogate. There was no point trying to tell a story now.

"He is a Muggle-born, if that's what you're asking," she finally said in a flat voice.

Umbridge rest her back on her chair, smiling satisfied.

"Well, then, Mrs. Lupin," she said after a moment, "I do trust you will do what is right, wouldn't you?"

"And what is it, Mrs. Umbridge?" she tried to sound as polite as the woman in front of her.

"You're expected to escort your father to his hearing tomorrow morning."

Tonks felt her heart skip a beat.

"Hearing?"

"He hasn't registered as a Muggle-born, so he is been summoned in order to ask him why."

Umbridge flipped the pieces of parchment on her desk and produced a red envelope. She handed it to Tonks.

She did not need to read it; she was familiar with the procedures. It was a letter, telling the time and the place for Ted Tonks' hearing. She found it was very difficult to swallow.

"I do not see much of my father-" she started softly.

"You fail to show up with him tomorrow morning, Mrs. Lupin," Umbridge cut in, "and your Auror badge will be taken away."

Tonks tried hard to morph some colour into her cheeks, she was sure she had gone pale.

"I also wanted to show you something, Mrs. Lupin", Umbridge said.

Wandering vaguely how much longer would this interview last, for she was sure she would hate the name 'Lupin' kept listening to Umbridge's voice speak it, she raised her eyebrows.

"Yes?"

"It's something silly, really," Umbridge continued in such a childish voice, Tonks could not help to surreptitiously grab the handle of her wand.

"It's this small restyling I'm planning to do on my office."

Tonks looked puzzled now. _Has Umbridge suddenly lost her mind?_

The woman was looking at her pleasantly, and after a long moment, she opened the topmost drawer of her desk and produced a small carton box.

"I'd like to know your opinion on this new… addition… I'm planning to install on my door," she said softly.

Tonks took the box, puzzled, and turned it around on her fingers.

"Open it, go on."

Slightly scared, but mostly curious, Tonks did as she was told.

She could not help but gasp out loud.

It was an eye. An electric blue eye. Mad-Eye's eye.

Although her gaze remained fixed on the sight of it, she could sense Umbridge was following her every move.

"It is nice, Mrs. Lupin, isn't it?" she said in almost a whisper.

Tonks had to swallow a couple of times. She could not find her voice.

"I'm putting it on my door, you see," Umbridge continued, "so I could give it a proper use. It's a very rare magical artefact. Too bad it had been wasted all these years."

Without thinking, Tonks closed the lid of the carton box shut and, with trembling hands she put it on Umbridge desk. Automatically she stood up and reached the door. The older woman did nothing to stop her but she was sure she was being closely watched.

_It is not important anymore_, she though, exiting the office and closing the door with a bang. _None of this is important_, she thought, walking between the stacks of propaganda so swiftly some of the topmost pages flew in every direction.

Tonks ignored the indignant protests of the workers, and she pay no attention to every person she crossed on her way to the Auror's Headquarters. She practically did not see Robarts, even though she collided with his shoulder on the hallway. It seemed like ages, but also like no time at all until she finally reached her cubicle.

Panting slightly, she drew her wand.

"_Accio _files!_ Accio _magazines!_ Accio _books!"

The summoned objects flew from every drawer and shelf, and landed pell-mell on her desk. Tonks pointed her wand to the pile again.

"_Redducio_!"

The stack was now small enough to fit the inside pocket of her robes.

Looking around for something she might have forgotten, her eyes rested on the posters on the wall. She wandered if she should take them with her.

She shook her head. It would be of no use if they found out she had quit too soon. Eventually they would, she was absolutely sure, Umbridge might have even plan it in order to force her to quit. She did not care wither way. She was through with this rotten place.

Taking a last look to the cubicle she had for so long wished to be in, where she had worked so hard, learned so many things and even lost her time spectacularly, she opened the door and exited to the hall.

This time she did not meet anybody she knew on her way to the Atrium.

_It is better this way._

Without looking at the wizards who were working on a new statue for the Ministry she entered one of the fireplaces and prepared to Apparate on the public toilets.

* * *

**AN: Yes, I'm alive! And so very sorry for the involuntary hiatus! I've just finished my thesis so the last month has been absolutely crazy. ****If you haven't lost your patience and you're still reading this, thank you very very much. If you want to leave a review, even more thanks!**

**And extra special thanks to those generous enough to review the last chapters: NeverBeenDarkMarked, Chasing Ideas, TWHATT18, volaredracovolet, ohnymphatic, dinosoprano, Edelwyn, 2lazee2login, Play-Me-A-Melody, Lupinxtonks, Rose in Bloom, NymphadoraTonks-RemusLupin, roflshdwutssomail, Dimcairien, when it rains91, TheOnlyMarauderette, felixlee14, PrintDust, Furionknight, yellow 14, TwilightPrncss, Teddy R. Lupin, DaskSov, ThatSuperHotSexyBookWorm and MuggleCreator. **

******Star Ash Myst, QueenCobraWing, sliz225, you guys are the best and your reviews the most encouraging and witty I've ever had the pleasure to have! Thanks a heap!**

**Cheers!**


	96. The cold salty scent

_December 20th 1997._

The cold salty scent coming from the sea filled her senses the minute she Apparated, Remus' hand clutching hers.

It was a very nice place, with a sort of wild atmosphere that, oddly enough, seemed to encompass Tonks latest thoughts and feelings. Like her, the small house in front of their eyes was an outcast of sorts.

"We should've come ages ago," she muttered.

"Maybe we should've," Remus said, somewhat distractedly.

Tonks could not blame him. He was looking around, his wand at the ready. She was scanning their surrounding as well; even though they both had Disillusionment charms casted, all the precautions in the world seemed never be enough.

The place, though, was empty of living forms except for the weed growing around the house and the three figures inside it, glowing faintly blue the minute Tonks pointed her wand at the building.

"Who else do you reckon is there?" she whispered.

"Arthur, maybe," Remus said, but he did not sound entirely convinced.

"D'you think…?" Tonks let her question drift away in the sea air.

"We better go and see," he answered, tightening his clasp around her fingers.

Trying their best to approach the house as quietly as possible, they finally reached the lower windows near the entrance. Tonks looked inside; it was a small yet very cosy kitchen. Fleur was bending over a pot on the stove, waving her wand. She looked perfectly at ease.

Remus walked towards the next set of windows and peered inside.

"Bill," he mouthed wordlessly to Tonks, "and… Ron!"

She must have understood him wrong. _Isn't Ron supposed to be on the run?_

Tonks gave a couple of extra steps toward her husband.

"Who else?" she asked.

"Ron's there, look." Remus whispered.

Tonks looked inside. Bill was holding a copy of the Daily Prophet, sitting somewhat stiffly on an armchair, reading something out loud. Right in front of him, his lanky frame unmistakable, was Ron all right. He was looking at the ceiling and seemed to be lost in thought.

"Wasn't he with Harry and Hermione?" Tonks asked Remus in a hushed voice.

"He was, I saw the three of them together at Grimmauld Place."

"Then what on earth happened?"

Remus shrugged.

"Maybe they're staying here," he said thoughtfully, and the other two might have just got out."

Tonks crocked an eyebrow.

"Weird isn't it?"

"At least it's him and not a Death Eater," Remus stood up and pulled her towards the door. "Let's go inside and find out."

Taking the Disillusionment charms off, he knocked on the wooden door.

Bill's muffled voice inside went quiet. Tonks could practically feel the tension of the occupants of the house passing through the door.

"Who is there?" Bill's grave voice came from the other side.

"It is us," Remus started, "Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks-"

"You didn't have to say _that_ part," Tonks hissed. He ignored her.

"We married five months ago, I'm a werewolf and she's a Metamorphmagus. You first met Tonks and school, and we met two years ago at Grimmauld Place. Your father, Arthur, told us the address of this house."

The door opened and Bill peered outside, his wand pointing at them.

"What do you used to call me at school?" he asked, pointing his wand at Tonks.

"Billy boy," she said with a small smile. "Now let us in, will you?"

He smiled a little as well and moved to the side.

Fleur had come from the kitchen and both she and Ron had their wands drawn. It was obvious they had been pointing at the door, just in case.

"Did somezing happen?" Fleur asked, her voice strained.

"Not at all," Remus said, "we're fine."

"We just came to check in. We've been at your Dad's a couple of days ago-" Tonks started.

"Yeah, he told us," Bill said.

"We're not using Patronuses anymore," she continued quietly.

"How come," Ron's voice sounded strange, almost as if he had forgotten how to use it.

Fleur, meanwhile, was directing them into the sitting room.

"Imagine you were caught and somebody sent you a Patronus right when a Death Eater is with you," Bill said somewhat harshly. "It would be telling them way too much information."

Ron did not answer but sat on a couch and it looked as if he wanted to fade away with the flowery pattern.

"Wait a moment," Fleur said looking at Tonks.

She did not look tense anymore, she was beaming.

"You look beautiful!"

Tonks smiled back at her, putting a hand on her ever-growing belly.

"Blimey, I almost forgot! How far along are you?" Bill asked.

"Five months. I can ever feel him move."

"Him? It's a boy then?" he asked again.

"We don't know," Remus said quietly. "We just got into the habit of referring to it as a him."

"Let's celebrate!" Fleur said, going into the kitchen.

"Yeah," Bill echoed her, "Merlin knows we haven't had many reasons to do so lately."

And he followed her inside. From the sitting room they could hear the sound of glasses being summoned.

"Ron?" Remus asked, his voice grave now, "are you... where's Harry? And Hermione?"

Ron seemed to be pretty uncomfortable, not meeting their gazes but looking down at his feet instead, his hands deep in his pockets.

"We... we separated," he just said, shrugging a little.

"Are they all right?" Remus asked again.

"Yeah... I think... I reckon they are," he nodded.

It was plain Remus wanted to ask further and it was as clear that Ron did not wanted him to.

"You're staying here then?" Tonks said, trying to sound cheerful and drowning whatever it was Remus wanted to ask him.

Ron nodded again.

Bill and Fleur come in again and almost drowned Ron's voice.

"But I'd like to join them again," he said more to himself.

Tonks looked at him. What on Earth could have happen for them not to be together? Considering how uncomfortable Ron looked, the answer seemed to be obvious. They had a row and he had walked away from them. And now he was regretting it.

Absentmindedly she took the glass of wine Fleur was offering her. Even though she felt she ought to feel angry at Ron for leaving the others, she could not. She was sure he had had pretty solid reasons.

"To the future Nymphadorus Lupin," Bill's voice made her jump out of her musings.

Remus and Fleur sniggered, and even Ron gave a soft chuckle.

"I could still hex you into oblivion, Billy boy," she said, fighting the sudden urge to laugh out loud. _Nymphadorus, for Merlin's sake!_ "You know that pregnancy doubles your spell casting abilities."

"It doesn't," Bill said.

"Wait 'till Fleur gets pregnant and you'll find out."

They all looked at each other, a sudden happiness washing over. Tonks almost felt, for an instant, that they were living the life they should have lived on the first place, a normal one, in which babies were celebrated among friends.

"We met your dad," Ron spoke out of the blue, making everybody startle.

He seemed to have been oblivious to the cheery atmosphere.

"What?"

Tonks felt as if that small moment had been smashed into the ground. Ron's voice worked like a spell, the brief cheery atmosphere was broken now and everybody was looking at him.

"A week ago, more or less," Ron added.

"You saw him?" Tonks leaned forward, feeling the pulse in her veins accelerate.

"I just remembered. We were… I mean, Harry, Hermione and me, we were hiding in a forest. And we heard voices. He's all right," he added quickly.

"_You know I won't go down there and… register, is it? It's against everything we believe!" Ted Tonks' voice was loaded with indignation._

"_And even if you wanted to, I wouldn't let you!" Andromeda said her gaze fixed on his husband._

"_I knew you wouldn't," Tonks said. "And I'm not saying you should. I… nobody really knows what happened to all those Muggle-borns. Nobody is talking about it… they just disappear. And I'm not going to let you be taken away from us like that!"_

_The three of them looked at each other. Tonks wished Remus would be back from his latest mission. She felt helpless, and she had the impression her parents were counting on her to protect them. Still, she had not a clue of what to do._

"_Then, I'll just have to run for it," her father said quietly._

"_I'll go with you," her mother prompted._

"_No, 'Dromeda, you'll stay here and wait."_

"_I won't," she said, her hands in fists, with a stubborn look that made Tonks think about Sirius._

"_Oh yes you will," his father's voice was now firm as well. _

_Tonks tried to remember the last time she had heard him like that and she could not._

"_Listen to me, 'Dromeda," he continued in a softer voice. "You haven't done anything bad, they're not after you. You're safe. If you go away with me you'll just give 'em reasons to come after you! Besides, if I go away on my own it would be much easier for me to hide."_

"_Hide where?" she asked._

"_I'll try to stick to Muggle dwellings, I'll blend in," he said, trying to sound nonchalant._

_Tonks knew better than to be convinced by his casual tones and she was sure her mother was not convinced either._

"Was he alone? Did you talk to him?"

She tried to picture the scene, his father's face, all of them talking. She could feel her eyes filling with tears but she did not care.

"I couldn't," Ron said sadly, "we were hiding as well. And no, he wasn't alone and we couldn't trust the other ones."

"Who were they?" Remus asked, gently squeezing Tonks' hand.

"There was Dean Thomas, a friend of us from school." Ron explained, addressing her. "Then, there was another bloke, from the Ministry, and two goblins."

"Why didn't you tell us this before?" Bill prompted.

"I don't know! I'd forgotten, all right?" Ron said defensively. "It was right before we… the three of us… separated."

"Never mind that, how was he?" Tonks cut across whatever Bill was about to say.

"He was… all right," Ron said after thinking for a moment. "He was even cheerful. He said he had heard Death Eaters were coming after him so he had gone away."

"_I don't think you need to go right now," Tonks said trying to sound reassuring. "They're still registering the Muggle-borns who show up voluntarily. That'll take a while. I think they'll expect you to go on your own and if you don't… well, then they might try to come after you. After all the Muggle-borns they know are rounded up that is."_

_Andromeda shook her head slowly._

"_Couldn't we put the Fidelius Charm on this house?"_

"_No, we won't" Ted spoke again. "I'm not risking you, or Dora, or anybody in this house."_

"_But it's supposed to be guaranteed that-" her mother started._

"_Nothing is guaranteed these days," Tonks said sadly, "not the things that used to be, at least."_

"_Wouldn't you know when they're coming? Wouldn't they send people from your office? There surely is a way for you to know when they're coming?"_

_Tonks shook her head._

"_I quit," she simply said._

_It seemed as if Andromeda was about to say something. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but no sound came out._

"_I'll get somebody from the Ministry to tell me," Tonks added, "Kingsley's still there. He'll tell us."_

"_Meanwhile…" Andromeda said._

"_Meanwhile I'll stay," Ted concluded. "But at the first sign they're coming for me, I'll go. Alone. And there would be no discussion."_

"When did that happened?" Bill asked Tonks.

"About three weeks ago," she answered, whipping of her tears with an impatient hand wave. "It all happened as planned. Kingsley came over to tell us, but there was no need. They're getting reckless those Death Eaters."

"Or maybe they don't care to show themselves anymore," Remus said. "They were searching the town but when they reached the house, Ted was already gone."

"And haven't you heard from him ever since?" Bill asked again.

"Actually no," Tonks said. "So, Ron, I really have to thank you for this one."

Ron's ears went red but he did not say a thing.

"How is your mother?" Fleur asked.

"Not that great," Tonks said slowly. "She really misses him. I… I didn't realise it before, how close they were to each other. Now, my mum looks as if a part of her was missing."

They remained quiet for a long while. Again, Tonks tried to picture the scene: Ron and the other two hiding in a forest, maybe camping, and his father crossing paths with them.

"At least we know he's fine," Remus finally said, still holding her hand.

She nodded.

Bill cleared his throat.

"Have you heard 'bout _Potterwatch_?" it was painfully obvious he was trying to change the subject and Tonks did not mind.

"What is it?"

"It's a program on the radio; a clandestine broadcast, organised by one of the twins' friend, Lee Jordan."

"I remember him," Remus said.

"They started it some weeks ago, and they're trying to tell the news as they are, since the Daily Prophet can't be trusted anymore. So they do this program almost every week, you need a password to listen to it. I was there last week, they've been inviting some people to talk about security measures, news… all things imaginable related to the war."

"Including… casualties?" Tonks asked almost automatically.

"Yeah, that too." Bill said, dropping the almost cheery tone in his voice.

"So it's a way to know if… well… if everybody is fine," she muttered.

"He will be fine, Dora," Remus said. "Your dad is strong."

* * *

**AN: Thank you very much to all of you!**

**Never_Been_Dark_Marked, KatiaSwift, dinosoprano, Star Ash Myst, felixlee14, .rains91, TwilightPrncss, PrintDust, Furionknight, QueenCobraWing, TheOnlyMarauderette, Connortemple4evaneva, sliz225, Play-Me-A-Melody, TeddyandVictorie, Chasing Ideas, TWHATT18, volaredracovolet, you guys are great and I really appreciate your reviews!**

**And... may I suggest you to go back to chaps 47 and 48? I updated them a couple of weeks ago.**

**Cheers! **


	97. 1998 The snow storm had finally stopped

_Early January 1998._

The snow storm had finally stopped and, out the dirty glass panes, Tonks could see the ships starting to move. For the longest part of the night she had stayed awake on her bed, fearing the weather would force the authorities to close the port; she was glad they did not need to come to that point.

Now, at the early hours of the morning, the harbour seemed as busy as ever despite the overcastted sky and light rain that had replaced the snow. It would not take long for her to finish this difficult part of the task.

She looked around. A bunch of wizards and witches were sitting on wooden benches, around small tables. None of them was speaking and the anticipating silence was making Tonks feel edgy. She cleared her throat loudly.

"I think we're ready to go."

Even the soft voice of the old lady she had morphed into this time seemed to be too loud for the atmosphere of the room. Some people jerked their heads to look at her, while others hurried to gather small suitcases and bags.

"You are not to use magic under any circumstance, is that clear?" she talked again.

Several murmurs of agreement were the only response she got.

"Hey you," she pointed at a woman, "you need to hide your wand; you're not carrying it on your pocket, all right?"

The woman jumped a little at being addressed thus and hurriedly stuffed the wooden stick into one of the bags she was carrying.

Tonks looked around to be sure they were all ready and holding their bags. Then, she opened a large rucksack lying at her feet.

"I need you to form a line, in order to see you properly."

The rucksack was full of Muggle clothes, just in case she needed to dress somebody up. She did not have to worry though. Most of these people was Muggle-born, or closely related to one, so Muggle fashion was not as incomprehensible as for most half-blood or pure-blood witches and wizards. Handing a couple of jackets here and there she looked at the group again.

They seemed regular travellers ready to cross the Channel to Calais. But still, she could not tell if it was the whole situation or if it was something in the aspect of the wizards and witches standing in front of her. Maybe it was because of their expressions, that had nothing to do with the ones displayed by people going on vacation, or perhaps the way they seemed to have grabbed whatever package they could have found in order to take most of their belongings with them; they all looked like refugees all right and that was the last thing they should look like. Because they were.

Bending over again she took a handful of tickets and passports from an outside pocket of the rucksack.

"I'm giving one to each one of you. If you lose it, there won't be another, am I clear?"

Several people nodded and she started giving each person a passport and a boarding ticket with a name on it. None of them matched the person's real name.

"Families will board together. Different groups should not speak to one another, not when you get out the inn, not on the bout, not even on Calais, do you understand?"

Now everybody was making affirmative gestures, looking at her both scared and determined.

"You and you," Tonks pointed at two family groups. "You are exiting through the front door. The rest of you will use the back door, on my sign."

A sudden kick from the baby made her stop on her tracks. He seemed to be getting restless as well.

_This is not the time_, she thought, giving her belly a small affectionate pat.

Looking outside, now through the backside window, she called the first group. It was a small party of three teenagers wearing plastic ponchos.

"Good luck," she muttered.

"What should we do when we get there?" the last one asked.

He looked very young; he must have finished school just a couple of years before. His big eyes took in Tonks' aspect and he glanced back to the people waiting inside the inn.

Tonks wished she could give him a better answer.

"I don't know. You'll have to figure it out by yourselves."

The boy now glanced at the deserted street and after a moment, he followed the other two.

She sighed. Of all the missions she had ever had, including the ones in which she had gotten herself into the other end of a Cruciatus course, this was, by far, the worse.

* * *

There was a vandalised derelict house in front of her. She could not tell if it had ever been pretty, now the broken windows and the graffiti covering most of the ground floor made it much harder for her to see anything good on it. Tonks checked the small piece of parchment again; this was the correct address all right.

She did not approach the front door, but headed directly to the alley that separated the house from an office building. There was a small side door, just as she was told there would be, also covered in graffiti, closed with a large metal chain and two padlocks. Glancing at both sides and being sure she was not being watched, she tapped it with her wand.

"Boogie flavoured Bertie Botts Every Flavour beans," she muttered.

The chains and padlocks dissolved in front of her eyes and the door opened.

Holding her wand aloft, she entered the dark room and the door closed behind her.

"_Lumos_!"

The light coming from her wand illuminated a large dusty corridor; at the end another door opened and a similar light was casted over her.

"State your name and business," came a male's voice from the other end.

"It's Tonks, married to Remus Lupin, former Auror, and proud member of the house of Hufflepuff. I'm here because I was invited to join _Potterwatch_."

The wandlight grew bigger as the person approached her. Tonks stood where she was, waiting.

Finally she could see who he was. She had actually not seen him before, but the tall dark wizard in front of her matched the description made by Bill.

"Lee Jordan?" she asked.

He pointed her wand directly at her chest.

"What does Tonks' Patronus used to look like."

"A chameleon," she replied.

Lee Jordan smiled and grabbing his wand with his left hand he stretched Tonks' right.

"Nice to meet you, Tonks. I'm glad you could make it. Come over here, please."

She followed him to the end of the corridor. They finally entered a small room, illuminated by candles and a couple of Muggle emergency lanterns. On the centre there was a table surrounded by chairs and loaded with a bunch of very old looking microphones. The place was covered with wires and strange boxes buzzing lightly.

"It's been difficult to set this place," Lee explained, "and I hope we'd stay here for a while."

"You've tried other locations?"

"This is our fourth, by far the best one," he said. "Death Eaters like to pay visits once in a while. I don't know how they do it; I reckon they have a way to detect magic… or maybe they just get lucky once in a while."

"So," he continued, pulling up a chair and directing Tonks to sit on it, "I'm not expecting anybody else tonight, shall we start then?"

Tonks obliged hesitantly.

"What should I do?"

"Just… talk. It's really easy. You know the basic rules, there is no mention of You-Know-Who's name, or anybody's name actually. Try to be brief and accurate and that's pretty much it. Oh, and don't mention my name, it's just River, and your codename will be Rainbow, is that all right?"

She smiled.

"I think it'll work."

Lee checked his watch.

"All right then."

He tapped the largest box with his wand and took a microphone from the table, indicated Tonks to do the same.

"Good evening to all of you, listeners of _Potterwatch_, we are glad you could join us. We hope you and your families are well and keeping your hopes up. This evening we have a new contributor, Rainbow, who is going to tell us some very important information regarding Muggle-borns.

"Good evening, Rainbow," he gestured to Tonks.

She approached the microphone so suddenly it toppled over, making a very loud sound against the wooden surface of the table.

Lee looked at her in disbelieve and she hastened to straighten up the apparatus.

"Sorry about that," she started, feeling heat in her cheeks, "erm… good evening to all of you. I hope you're safe."

She looked at Lee again and he smiled at her encouragingly.

"I am…" she cleared her throat, "I'm pleased to inform to those… erm… Muggle-borns out there that measures are being taken… to… to guarantee your safety."

It was much difficult than she thought, even though she had practices what she had to say back home with Remus. She felt like walking on eggshells, any small mistake of her part, any extra word, and this could end badly.

"Would you tell us about those measures?" Lee asked, probably feeling she was still nervous.

"We… we recommend families to stick together, all Muggle-borns should hide from any Ministry worker or anybody they suspect are close to the Ministry."

While she continued focusing on the few ideas she had to tell, it all started to go easier.

"I would not advise any of you to submit yourself for registration at the Ministry. Don't do it. Nothing good will come out of that process. You should hide instead, preferably amongst Muggles, even though that won't guarantee your safety."

"That is a good advice, Rainbow. And what about using magic?"

"That's also unadvisable. You are Muggle-borns, you should try and remember what it was like not to use any magic… and do it all the Muggle way.

"And there is something else, if you are thinking about leaving the country, don't try to set up Portkeys on your own, and avoid the Floo Network at all costs. All those methods would lead you right into the Ministry. We ask you, for your own security, to send an owl to 'Phoenix' telling us how many of you there are and we will contact you in order to help you go abroad."

"And what exactly is Phoenix?" Lee asked.

"It's a secure location, which any common owl would be able to find. You understand if I cannot tell you where it is…"

"Of course, of course," he said.

"And there is another thing. If you know about any Muggle-born boy or girl under 11 years old might be a wizard or witch, please notify it as quickly as possible to the same security address."

"Are you going to be able to do something about them?" Lee asked.

"The idea, River, is to get to them before the Ministry does."

"A great idea indeed," he paused for a moment and gave Tonks the thumbs up. "And in a much sadder note, we would like to inform the tragic deaths of-"

Tonks barely registered Lee's encouraging gesture or the names of the people he was mentioning. Inside her, her little baby was kicking again and her thoughts were torn between the latest group of people she had helped to embark only the day before, her father, and the small person inside her.

* * *

Tonks opened the door of her flat after undoing all the spells keeping the place both safe and hidden. After the raid near her parents both her and Remus had gone back to her place in London; it had been her mother's idea. Tonks, after all, was in danger for quitting the ministry while her, she insisted, could take cover on her pure-blood status. After some heated discussions, Tonks had to admit there was no way to convince Andromeda to come with them; she was waiting for her husband to come back and it was plain she wanted to do so alone.

The flat was empty and the many booby traps she and Remus had settled around were intact. Feeling that she could relax a little for the first time in days, she collapsed on the couch, not even bothering to take of her cloak.

Maybe it was selfish or reckless to take a moment of rest when there was so much to be done, so many Muggle-borns to gather…

She did not know when she had fallen asleep. Suddenly the sound of the door opening made her jump out the couch, her wand at the ready. Remus was entering, his long coat and his hair covered with snow flakes.

He recited mechanically the security codes; he looked as tired as Tonks' felt.

"No luck then?" she asked.

Remus shook his head.

"The good part is that if we're not able to find your dad, the Death Eaters won't be either."

Tonks tried to smile but her face felt tense.

"I wonder if he had gone abroad," she said for what felt like the thousand time in the past fortnight.

Remus sat on the couch and Tonks joined.

"Kingsley could have set all this smuggling people operation just days before! And we could've sent him away with the first group! But no, he had to wait to get the only useful brainwave he had produced in months!"

Her voice was bitter, but both she and Remus knew she did not mean any of this. The operation had not been just Kingsley's idea; she had taken a good part on the plotting of it, mainly because she was trying to help her father. It had been just bad luck that the Death Eaters had came after Ted Tonks when it was not ready yet.

"So how did it go today?" Remus asked, pulling her gently on his lap.

Tonks obliged kicking off her boots.

"Dunno, just… all right I guess."

"You were great on the wireless, by the way," he said smiling.

"Was I?" she asked distractedly. "I dropped the microphone."

"So that was that loud sound!"

Tonks chuckled. Remus was trying to make her feel better and she had nothing against it.

"Yeah, I was nervous, but then it all sort of came out."

"You were great," he repeated.

Tonks closed her eyes and cuddled next to him, her hand on her stomach. The baby seemed to be relaxing as well; she could not feel any movements under her palm.

"I think… I'm thinking I won't be able to do this much longer."

She was surprised she had said it out loud, even though it had been a recurrent thought for a long time now.

Remus stayed silent for a moment.

"I thought you were going to say something like this sooner or later," he finally said. "I wanted to suggest it myself a couple of weeks ago, when you came from the first shipping. You look so tired."

"You did?" Tonks asked looking up at his eyes.

"Yes. I think you should rest… but I don't know if you could actually stay behind waiting. And I didn't want you to hex me for suggesting it either."

Tonks laughed softly.

"You know I wouldn't," she said.

As an answer, he only crooked an eyebrow.

"But you're right," she continued. "I reckon staying behind while all of you are out there doing something would be almost unbearable."

Remus stroked her head.

"So what's the verdict?" he asked.

"Oh well," she said, tracing slow circles on her belly, "let's see if this little fellow fancies going to the next shipping and then we could decide."

"Sounds like a plan to me," he muttered, placing his hand on top of hers.

* * *

**AN: Three chapters to go! **

**Thanks a lot, lovely readers and reviewers! You people make my day!**

**And special thanks to my brother, who help me with the idea of Tonks' mission. Miss ya bro!**

**Cheers!**


	98. Tonks' gaze was fixed

_Mid February_

Tonks' gaze was fixed on the man's pale eyes for about the tenth time in the last few minutes. What was it about this person that seemed so… strange? He looked like a regular man, thin, badly shaved, a small suitcase next to him. But there was something in his eyes she could not exactly describe and it was making her restless.

She looked at the other occupants of the small empty diner. They looked just like the members of the previous shippings had: nervous, anxious, scared and even hopeful. Just like the man with the pale eyes seemed to be. Then, what was it that seems wrong about him?

She glanced out the window to the quiet cloudy night and checked her watch. Just five more minutes and this would be over at last. The twenty or so persons in front of her would go on board and on route to a new future. Hopefully, a less gloomy one.

Tonks faced the crowd again. She had already checked them thoroughly and gave them their fake passports and their tickets; they were posing as a tourist group heading to the Continent and she was disguised as her chubby guide.

"Could everybody gather your stuff?" she finally called.

It was about time.

With hushed murmurs the witches and wizards obliged, grabbing suitcases and plastic bags and closing their jackets.

A blinding explosion stopped them on their tracks. A sudden flash of golden sparks had erupted from the middle of them, and flown right outside the room through the few windows.

Tonks spun around, her wand at the ready.

"Who on Merlin's name was so stupid to-?"

The pale eyed man stood still, his wand drawn and his expression set.

"I'm sorry," he said shuddering.

The loud cracks of many people Apparating outside almost drowned the rest of his words.

"It's the only way I'll get my wife back."

"You filthy traitor," Tonks said through clenched teeth.

She did not have time for anything else.

The front door flung open with a bang and half a dozen hooded figures stomped in.

"_Protego_!" she yelled, trying to make a shield big and strong enough to shelter as many persons as possible.

"Avada Kedavra!" the many voiced yell reverberated against the walls and Tonks had to duck to avoid the green flashes of light. At her side, two bodies fell to the ground.

"Go away!" she yelled, fighting back a spell at their attackers. "Get out!"

Some of the refugees had reached for their hidden wands and were unsuccessfully trying to Disapparate. Tonks realised the Death Eaters must have charmed the area for it seemed impossible for them to go anywhere.

"There she is," the man with the pale ayes screamed, pointing at Tonks. "She's the leader!"

"_Stupefy_!" Tonks' spell hit one hooded figure squarely.

The Death Eater swayed and fell loudly over a suitcase.

"Get out!" she repeated, "All of you, run!"

"I want her alive!" yelled one of the attackers and she had to duck again as many jets of red light flew in her direction.

Still running Tonks tripped with a fallen body and had to spin mid air in order to protect her stomach from the collision with the floor. Her back was in pain, but at least she seemed to be all right. A strong hand grabbed her shoulder and one of the wizards she was going to embark screamed at her ear.

"Run! We're protecting you!"

"No way!" she yelled back, casting another shield charm. "We all need to-!"

Another Killing Curse hit a young woman at her side; the body fell upon another one, an expression of terror in her eyes. The baby was protesting inside her, kicking and turning.

_What if the next curse hits me?_

With renewed energy Tonks turned around and pointed her wand at the tables and chairs lying on the floor.

"_Opugno_!"

And just like daggers, the pieces of wood and metal flew in the Death Eaters direction. Several yelps and cries of pain were audible but she did not hear them. The man who had helped her before had followed her example, and had just shot another shower of furniture to their attackers.

"Come on!" he yelled again, "go!"

Feeling she was acting against everything she believed, against everything everybody had told her all her life, she turned around again and headed to the open unhinged door in front of her, zigzagging her way through fallen bodies, suitcases and curses.

A small girl was standing in the middle of the room, right in front of her. Without thinking, Tonks grabbed her hand and pulled her on her back.

"Hold on!" she screamed.

She was nearly outside; for one last time she looked to the room. A bunch of people were following her wake and behind them, standing alone and looking hopeless one way and the other, was the pale eyed man. It was as if everything had slow down for a moment. She distinguished him pointing at her and less than a second later, a Killing Curse shot by one of the hooded figures hit him on the head.

She pointed her wand at the floor right in front of him.

"_Confringo_!"

Tonks did not stay to see if it had worked; she kept on running, listening to many steps coming behind her. The only think she could do was hope they were friends.

A curse missing her by mere centimetres proved her wrong. It collided with a small house in front of them leaving a burned mark. Tonks thought for a moment about all the memory charms that would be needed in order to put all the Muggle memories right, but there was no time for such musings.

The girl hanging on her back was sliding down; Tonks looked back and shoot another spell at the coming Death Eaters. Suddenly she had a new idea; she pointed her wand again at a large water tank on top of a building, trying to carefully aimed at the precise spot in the wooden structure. A shower of ice cold water fell on the remaining Death Eaters.

"Now! Disapparate all of you!" she cried.

If they were lucky, they would have run away from the charmed area.

Holding the hands of the two persons nearest she spun around into nothingness. They had done it. Tonks looked to one side and the other, her wand at the ready. No Death Eater was to be seen. They were still at the seaside but further north, on an empty chilly beach.

"We made it," said a deep voice.

Tonks looked for the first time at the people she had Apparated with. The little girl was still holding to her back, the man who had urged her to go was helping her down. A skinny teenager was looking at them, pale and shaking slightly.

"I have to go back," Tonks said to the man. "There were others,"

"I saw another group Disapparate right next to us," he said.

"I know, but there were others still in the diner. Can you take care of them?"

"Wait! You can't go back! They'll finish you off!"

"I must," Tonks replied stubbornly. "There are still many-"

"You can't fight them all by yourself," the man insisted. "At least get some help first!"

She looked at him, he was right. But who could she call, and how?

"All right," she said, making up her mind. "I'll… you try to stay hidden and… look after them, please?"

"Don't worry," the man said with a nod.

* * *

Tonks Apparated inside an empty warehouse. She had walked the place up and down before the mission and she had recognised this empty building as a good hidden place, should she need one. The only bad thing about it was that the diner was not visible from here.

How long would it take Fleur to pass her message? Had she even been at Shell Cottage, where Tonks had send her Patronus to= She knew it had been risky, but she had not had any other ideas at the time and that unknown wizard she had Disapparated with had had a fair point. It would be next to suicidal to Apparate back at the place without backup.

She checked her own body to make sure she was still morphed as an extra precaution and, tapping her own head with her wand, she felt the familiar funny trickling starting on her head and going down her body. The Disillusionment Charm was working.

Less than two minutes later, a loud crack reverberated on the empty warehouse.

Trained as she was to detect this sort of spells, she distinguished three blurred shapes matching exactly the brick wall of the warehouse. Tonks waited, her wand at the ready, pointing at the tallest outline.

She felt suddenly a soft warm breeze. The three outlines seemed to be just as still as she was. She knew what it was: one of them had casted a Revelio charm around the place and it had showed them her outline.

"Tonks?" the husky whisper of Remus was unmistakable.

"Here," she whispered back.

"There's no one else here," Bill's voice came.

A second later, his, Remus' and Fleur's shapes appeared from the blurred shapes. She undid her Disillusionment charm as well. The three wands pointed at her instantly.

"It's me," she said, quickly morphing into her usual shape.

Remus approached her with two long strides.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm not hurt," she replied, "but they ambushed us. We have to go back and see if… if any Muggle-born survived.

"Where are they?" Bill asked, approaching the door.

"I'll show you."

* * *

"Dora?"

She jerked her head up, she did not remember exactly what she had been thinking about but now it was like coming out of a deep sleep. Standing next to her, Remus was offering a steaming mug.

"Thanks," she murmured, taking it from him and clutching the hot surface with her hands.

He sat across from her, another mug on his hands.

"Dora," he repeated hesitantly.

She had the feeling he had just asked something, but she could not remember what it was.

"Huh?" she asked.

"Listen to me, Dora. You can't stay like this."

Finally, with a supreme effort, she focused both her gaze and her thoughts on the man in front of her.

"It's been over a week now," he continued. "How many times do I have to tell you it wasn't your fault?"

She sighed.

"It was, Remus, I've told you! I knew something was wrong with that… with that filthy son of a bitch!"

"But you didn't know what it was," he said.

Tonks realised his voice was weary.

She could not blame him. This was hardly the first time they were having this conversation.

"Imagine you were to hex everybody who looked a little strange to you," Remus started his favourite argument. "You'd be hexing everybody around!"

Tonks sighed.

"I know, I know you're right… I mean, there is always the feeling that I could do something else… so many people died that day!"

"And so many people didn't! Thanks to you!"

The images of their going back to the diner were still too fresh in her thoughts and nightmares. The place, that not long ago had been a regular clean restaurant, resembled a battlefield. Pieces of furniture, of suitcases and even chunks of walls and windows littered the floor but that had hardly been the most noticeable part.

Among the debris there had been bodies. Wizards, witches, and even a couple of wounded or stunned Death Eaters their companions had chosen to leave behind. There was nobody else to safe.

She shook her head again.

"I run away, Remus, I left them all there and run away."

He breathed heavily.

"Listen to me," Remus continued, "you were there, with us. I know many people died, but most of them escaped. And for I gather after talking to the ones we found afterwards, they could escape because of you, because you helped them, you gave them enough time to run."

Even though she was shaking her head again, she knew he was right. Eight innocent corpses. That had been the result of her failed manoeuvre. But that also meant thirteen people had gone away. Bill and Fleur had even tracked most of them and had done their bests to secure them places to hide. The mission had been a fiasco, but it could have turned out much worse.

"But I'm not going to recite to you all those arguments again," Remus was talking again. "You know them all right."

Tonks looked at him again, in silence.

"If you want to feel guilty about it, even though you are not, there isn't much I can do about it, but telling you that, every day if I have to."

"Then…?" she asked hoarsely.

Remus stood up and took a sit next to her.

"I'm asking you to consider something else," he said. "It's the reason why there should be no regret in your actions."

She could not look at him anymore, he was in pain and she knew it, but what else could she do?

"The reason you run away is something much more important than us. And if it had been the other way around you would be telling me the same thing," he placed a hand on her belly. "You went away because you wanted to protect whoever there is inside you. That tiny little piece of you and me. Or, as Moody had said, the reason we're fighting for. You could have never forgiven yourself if something had happened to him."

Tonks looked up again, her eyes filled with tears.

He was right, of course. But it did not ease the guilt she was feeling.

"What use there is," Remus continued, "to have a mum so sad she would not get excited anymore when her baby moves?"

It felt as being hit on the head. And yet, he was right.

_When had Remus become so protective of the baby?_

She could not tell, but somewhere between his going away and today, he had started to think about it as the future, as their future.

"So you're saying…"

"I'm saying that you owe yourself some peace, but above it all, you owe him… or her… that very same peace. And it is not only about fighting Death Eaters. It's also about finding that peace on yourself."

She wiped off her tears.

"You're right," she said hoarsely. "Of course you're right. But I just…" she chuckled. "I'm about to say the most repeated line these times. I wish it'll end."

Remus hugged her.

"I know," he murmured.

A loud knock came from the door. Reluctantly, Remus stood up and drawing out her wand he went to the door. A moment later he came back, followed by Kingsley.

He looked thin and weary, almost ill.

"Tonks," he said without so much as a 'hello', "I have bad news."

"What-?"

"We've found your dad, he's dead."

* * *

**AN: Two chapters to go. Thanks a lot to each and every one of you!**


	99. Inactivity and too much to think about

_April 1998_

Inactivity and too much to think about were two things Tonks was pretty sure were not meant to be together. Least of all when both came on a train of thought in which sadness and joyfulness seemed to travel hand by hand.

It was not the first time in her life she was feeling overwhelmed, and each and every such occasion, she felt as if it was the most intensity she had felt in her life. Only this time it seemed that assessment was accurate.

So, even though she was not allowed to do any work for the Order of the Phoenix other than pass along messages due to her ever growing belly, she was trying to reduce the inactivity to the point of nonexistence. Of course, all she could do seemed pointless whenever she thought about Remus, or Bill, or anybody being 'out there' and actually doing something. For a brief moment she remembered Sirius and how frustrated he had felt when being shut at Grimmauld Place, forbidden to take part on things. And he did not even have something to look forward to as she had. And still, it was frustrating.

The difference for her though were the soft kicks coming from inside her, somehow convincing her that arranging what used to be a small study in her flat in order to host the bedroom for a tiny brand new human being was the right thing to do in such a time.

Tonks was sure Remus would be less than thrilled when he came home to see all the boxes she had had to move in order to make some room from the crib, but she was sure it would be over in no time. And doing something was her top priority.

Because she was not to be trusted when leaving alone with her thoughts; not when they were so full with sadness and worries; not when memories of his father took over most of them, making her feel pain in places she did not know existed.

Giving her belly a small pat, she levitated another carton box into the hallway, wandering where they would put all that stuff later. Did it make any sense to hold onto old schoolbooks, old photographs of friends she had not seen in years, pieces of parchment with faded ink on them?

Probably not but she did not feel like throwing it all just yet.

A very old picture flew out of one of the boxes. It was her mum, dressed in a funny old-fashioned outfit, covered with laces and bows. The young version of her mother was frowning at the camera and tapping her foot impatiently; it was plain she did not want to be in that picture. Tonks could not help but chortle a little, but the sound died away as quick as it came, being replaces by a deep sigh.

Her mother was another reason for her to be worried. Giving an extra look at the faded photograph, she put it inside the box, among many other old images she did not feel like looking at right then. Oh course Ted's dead had been a blow for everybody… however for Andromeda it had been something else entirely.

She had been much less herself since he had gone, always pale and with dark shadows under her eyes, barely listening to what was being told and regaining her usual spirits only at short periods at times, when confronted to the perspective of becoming a grandmother very soon. But after he father's death…

Tonks sighed again and automatically put a hand on her belly. To say that she was sad did not even start to cover it up. It was emptiness, and the desperate feeling she did not even had a place in her already overcrowded mind to mourn him the way he deserved to. And still, all that was not even a small fraction of what she could see on her mother's eyes, that infinite pain, the suffering, the loneliness, the despair.

"You better hurry up, grandma 'Dromeda is in desperate need of a cheer up," she murmured thoughtfully. "Poor thing," she added, giving her stomach extra pats, "unborn and already having to worry about your crazy relatives..."

There was no use on dwelling on that area either, she thought, closing the lids of the carton boxes with great amounts of Spellotape. It would be so nice if some thoughts could be safely storage away inside carton boxes as well.

"How do you dare coming into this world, messed up as it is? Couldn't you just stay there until we sort this out a bit?" she whispered to her belly again. "Are you just as careless as your mum or absurdly courageous?"

As a reply, the little baby gave an extra strong kick. Tonks grimaced.

"Careless, then," she smiled.

With a flick of her wand, she reduced the pile of carton boxes and started to levitate the small pile to the main bedroom. Another strong kick made her drop it all and the boxes regained their normal size. A couple of them even opened, their contents flying down the hall.

"Ouch!" she protested. "Couldn't you wait a little 'till I get all this sorted out?"

As a response, the little being inside her gave another strong kick, followed by a long intense cramp-like feeling. She was getting used to those, she had been having them for some days now, but that did not make them any more enjoyable.

She knew what it meant, of course. It meant that her unborn child was as disobedient as she had been: it was going to pop out no matter how mess up the world around it was.

* * *

She could not see the poetics of her current situation. Merlin, how could she? It was pain, and cold, and heat, and her mother's voice urging her to push. To push what? How? In which direction? With sweat covering her forehead and mousy brown hair sticking to her face, feeling pain and a desperate urge for it to be finally over, she could hardly see the beauty in her predicament. One could say this would be easier for a Metamorphmagus… she had hear some of that when people had found out about her pregnancy. How she could make it easier by making her body 'cooperate'.

_Sod it all!_ She thought angrily, her eyes shut and her teeth clenched.

Right now she was absolutely certain her powers would not help her any way, she could not summon the energies to do nothing about her body, nothing except to push further as her mother was instructing her to do.

Adding to all those strange feelings and the pain, Remus was squeezing her hand so hard she felt her fingers numb. But she was not regretting this, not the sightless; he was there, at her side, and right then it did not matter what was happening outside.

Now she was trying to remember how she had managed to summon both of them, him and her Mum, right on time. Had she produced a Patronus? She had the indistinct feeling she had although how did she find the strength she did not recall. And yet, it was not important now. The only thing she could do was what she was being told by her mother: push. And breathe. And try not to yell. And…

A loud cry, a scream, a strong yet tiny voice stopped her train of thought and seemed to melt away her brains.

"It's a boy!" Andromeda cried.

"A boy!" Remus echoed her with a voice so exultant it was almost unfamiliar to her.

"A boy?" she repeated weakly.

She finally opened her eyes.

Through the haze that seemed to be filling the room there was only this little thing on focus in front of her, there was a… something. A somebody. Her mother was placing the tiny being on her arms and then she had to look at her, and at Remus, to make sure this was it, this was happening for real.

And finally she looked at him. At that tiny little boy, red, warm, screaming and waving his fists furiously. He had a tuft of black hair and two beaded eyes that suddenly opened and Tonks could have sworn he was looking at her as well even though she knew he could not do such a thing just yet.

She felt Remus kissing her forehead and she heard her mother sob softly.

For once in her life, Tonks was speechless.

* * *

The hands. There were two of them. Two tiny little things complete and perfect, all ten fingers in place; and there were even tiny fingernails. Her mother and Molly Weasley, who had arrived shortly after her little boy, kept marvelling on the baby's hair changing colours but not her. Tonks was mesmerized by the sheer perfection of those tiny hands.

She could perfectly imagine them holding a tiny wooden wand and casting a spell and at the same time the idea sounded absurd. Who would expect little Teddy Remus Lupin to do such a thing while he was peacefully sleeping in her arms, bright red hair almost glowing against the white sheets, looking as thoughtful as his Dad did sometimes.

Tonks had to stop a moment to savour the thought of Remus being a father, of her being a Mum…

He had gone off less than half an hour ago and she was already missing him, but she had been the one ushering him to go to Bill's and tell them their good news. They all were in desperate need of those and she had promised her old schoolmate they would tell them the minute it happened.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Molly's soft voice almost made her startle.

She smiled.

"Dunno… I guess I should be tired… and I am… but that's not it."

Between her and her mother passed a look of understanding.

"You've done it brilliantly," said Andromeda.

"It's the most beautiful thing there is," Ginny whispered.

She had been unusually quiet since she arrived, a little later than Molly. At first she had been complaining about her being left behind, ignoring her mother's telling offs for leaving the safety of Muriel's house. And then, at the look of Tonks holding the baby in her arms, her protests had died away. Now she was looking at Teddy wide-eyed, as if she had never seen a baby in her life.

"I know he is," Tonks said proudly.

And although it was the last thing she wanted to do, she took the linen wrap containing her son.

"Wanna hold him?"

"Can I?" she whispered.

"Sure. He should get to know auntie Ginny!"

She chortled and carefully took little Teddy in her arms.

"Hullo," Ginny whispered to him.

Andromeda whipped off a tear and Molly gave a soft laugh.

The door opened and for once nobody bothered with pointing wands or asking questions.

"What did I miss?" Remus called, entering the room with long strides.

It was so wonderful and yet a tad strange to see him practically bouncing around with happiness, smiling and looking several years younger. Tonks would cruciate herself before saying it out loud but the truth was she had been afraid of his reaction after the baby was born. It had been a stupid though, she realised now, seeing how careful he was taking Teddy into his arms and looking at him as if he could not believe his luck.

He sat on the bad, right beside her and looked up right into her eyes, little Teddy still asleep in his arms.

She could not believe her luck either.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks a lot to my amazing 'broder' who explained to me exactly how the whole contractions-labour thing works.**

**One chapter to go! Cheers!**


	100. I think I'll never get tired

_May 1st 1998_

"I think I'll never get tired to look at him."

"I know I'll never get tired to look at you both."

Tonks chuckled softly and looked at Remus, leaning at her side against Teddy's crib. Their little one had finally falling asleep, his little hands in fists.

"It seems impossible something this small could make such a racket," Tonks said softly.

Not it was Remus' turn to laugh.

"You'd say he would not have the energy…"

"That's my point; there is no room for that amount of noise."

He hugged her from behind and she rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing.

"D'you think we'll be able to get some sleep now?" she asked softly.

"We could try…" his voice was dubious.

Tonks turned around and hugged him again.

"Have I ever told you that I love you?"

As a response, Remus gave her a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"I love you too," he whispered.

Everything seemed so easy now, even though she felt tired and sometimes even overwhelmed. But still, she had them both, Remus and Teddy, and that was perfection.

"Let's hide."

Remus voice rumbled in his chest and for a moment she thought she had not understand him.

"Hmm?"

He put a finger under her chin and made her look at him.

"Let's go into hiding," he said. "You, me, Teddy."

Tonks narrowed her eyes trying to read into his gaze.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean to go somewhere else. To be safe. To stop risking our necks just because we're here, and to go and protect ourselves."

Remus' gaze was intense and there was a little crest of worry on his forehead.

Tonks thought about it for a moment. _Hiding?_ Somehow the word seemed as strange as something said in a language she did not know.

"You mean it?" she asked.

Remus let her go and sat on their bed.

"I used to think you were the most important thing in my life," he said with a soft hoarse voice. "Now I know you are the only thing that matters in my life. You and Teddy. And right now, I just want you to be safe. I want us all to be."

There was an emotion in his voice she had never heard before, and the intensity in his eyes seeming to burn into his.

"But what about the war?" she asked feebly.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"We're not getting anywhere near the end of it," he said with a weary voice. "We're stuck and… don't you get the feeling there is nothing we can do? Except maybe put a couple of protecting charms on Muggle dwelling and even those fail?"

Tonks bowed her head. He was right. After the fiasco of her last mission nothing else had happened from their side. Kingsley was still at the Ministry but it was not plain for everybody there was nothing he could do. The Weasleys were hiding, and so was every other member of the Order of the Phoenix.

Was it even an order of the Phoenix anymore?

The only real thing that still remained was Potterwatch and even that had gotten repetitive and more depressing every time.

"We thought..." he continued, "Dumbledore thought Harry was the one who was going to finish You-Know-Who…"

Tonks sat beside him and put a hand on his leg.

"I trust Dumbledore," he explained. "Maybe he was convinced of what he was saying but I cannot see how is he going to do it! When I saw him at Bill's… he's just a kid! He has grown so much and still, when I told him we wanted him to be Teddy's godfather, for an instant there he looked so young and helpless. I couldn't imagine him taking care of a baby boy. How is he supposed to take care of the Magic World then?"

She did not know what to say. It was a flow of new ideas and yet, they all made sense, almost as if she had been thinking along these lines all this time, but never had dared to speak aloud.

"You know?" Remus took her hand. "For the first time ever I really, _really_, want to enjoy life. To enjoy my life. I want us all safe, and make this family grow, and enjoying the fact that we're still alive."

She hugged him, her eyes full of tears. And he hugged her back, kissing the top of her head.

For a long moment none of them said a thing.

"We forced James and Lily to go into hiding," he finally spoke. "Back then at the first war. They didn't want to and Sirius practically threatened them. Finally Lily said they owed to themselves the right to enjoy life, and they owed that right to their little boy. To Harry. You could say they did it because of him."

Tonks whipped away the tears and looked at Remus again.

"But…" finally she spoke, "but about the rest?"

Remus chuckled.

"I knew you we're going to be the noble, sensitive one."

"I'm not," she prompted. "Not at all, but still…"

"I know we're supposed to fight. That's the way we're built, that's the way we've been raised. But don't you ever think it's unfair? Why are we fighting for? For how long? What if we all die in the process?"

"Don't say that, Remus, please."

He sighed.

"I want us all to be safe-"

"I know, you're right," she whispered. "You're right."

He hugged her again.

"Listen, Dora, we don't have to decide it just yet. But we have the resources; we can go abroad, leave the country. It doesn't have to be know. Just… let's think about it a little bit. And we'll wait until Teddy and you are strong enough and ready for the trip."

Leaving the fight before it ended. Leaving everybody behind. Just going away to save themselves. It was all wrong, all against every single thing she believed in. And yet, when she looked at the crib and saw little Teddy sleeping peacefully, something seemed to rebel inside her.

It was unfair. What if they could make it fair, at least for themselves?

* * *

_May 2nd 1998_

She did not have the guts to tell her mother about Remus' idea. It was not yet a plan, they had not talked about it any longer. But the idea was creeping over her, taking all her conscious thoughts and filling her mind with strange dreams while she was asleep.

Andromeda was walking with Teddy in her arms, humming softly. Tonks was looking at both of them, trying to ignore the deep sadness that was to be found in her mother's expression, even when she was looking proudly at her grandson.

They could take her away with them of course. But somehow she was certain she would not go.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" she suddenly asked, taking Tonks out of her reverie.

"I'm not tired," she started.

"You're such a bad liar Nymphadora Tonks."

She chuckled.

"Shh, do not say the N-word in front of him," Tonks said.

"Codswallop!"

"Why don't you-?"

A roar came from the fireplace and the flames turned emerald green. With a quick move Tonks drew her wand and placed herself between the chimney and her mother and son.

A second later, Remus was spinning into the room.

"It's happening!"

He was looking beside himself, both with worry and excitement.

Teddy woke up and gave a small cry of protest.

"What's happening?" Tonks asked, ignoring her son for the first time.

"We're fighting!"

"What?" both she and Andromeda asked.

Remus took Tonks hands, his eyes were bright and he seemed ready to jump over everything.

"This is it! I was mistaken. It's not over! This is it!"

"Who's fighting?" Tonks asked.

"Everybody! Kingsley and I were at Muriel's, about to start Potterwatch. And the twins, they have a mean to communicate with some people inside Hogwarts."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"People are gathering inside the school. I don't know how, or why, but Harry and the others seemed to be there. And they're going to fight."

"How are they-?"

"There is no time for that, Dora," he said. "I'll… I'll explain when I get back."

It was as if somebody had hit her in the head with a frying pan. Suddenly it all sunk in.

"Let's go!" she said, giving a step forward.

"No," Remus said. "You're not going anywhere. Not this time, Dora."

"What? You said it yourself! This is it! We could end all this, right? We must go!"

"No, Dora. I'll go. You stay." He addressed his mother-in-law. "Please, Andromeda, could you?"

"Of course," she said, with an unreadable expression.

"Are you two mental? What am I trained for?"

"You are a Mum now," Andromeda snapped. "You have to stay with your son. And protect him if you have to!"

She looked hopelessly at her, and at the small baby crying in her arms. And then she looked at Remus.

"I'll be back," he said softly. "We owe us that."

Her throat was dry.

"You better get back, Remus Lupin."

He approached her and kissed her. It was way to brief an instant and he was taking more powder from the pot on the mantelpiece.

"I love you," he said before getting into the roaring flames. "The Hog's Head!"

She could not know if he had heard her answer.

All Tonks could do was pace the room up and down, wishing Remus had had the time to tell her how the twins could communicate with people inside the school. Wishing time would go faster. Wishing she could be there as well.

Teddy was asleep again and Andromeda had placed him on the couch. For a long moment nobody had said anything.

She could imagine what the frail would be like. If they were gathering, it was just logical to suppose the Death Eaters were gathering as well. And maybe He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would be there. People were going to die, there was no point trying to convince her it would be otherwise. She had seen too much to know how these things went.

And there she was. Sitting there and doing nothing. Nothing but waiting, with the feeling she was going insane.

Suddenly certainty came, as hard as a wave.

Tonks stood up and Andromeda did the same, almost at the very instant.

"I'm going," she said, surprised at how calm her voice sounded.

Her mother did not say a thing.

Taking one last look at her sleeping son, Tonks grabbed her wand, and a handful of floo powder. She knew that if she looked at him any longer it would be much difficult to do what she had to do.

Almost as if she had rehearsed it long ago, she threw it into the flames and contemplated for an instant the green emerald light emanating from them.

She had made up her mind long time ago.

- The End -

ooo

* * *

**AN: Sequel/Epilogue is up: "May 2nd 1998"**


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